The Thing About Falling
by mistyhaze420
Summary: Brady from Lessons Learned.  An LL spinoff featuring Brady through the boys' college years.  He's always been the single one, the third wheel...it's about time Brady gets a love story of his own.  AH, M, Slash  Brady/Original Character
1. Chapter 1

**Setting: Lessons Learned universe during the college years.**

**AH, Mature content, Over 18 please and I own nothing Twilight related…**

**This is a brand new story that my girl, Maria helped me come up with in our love of all things Brady from Lessons Learned. It's sort of a Lessons Learned spinoff. This is Brady's story and it will be set during the college years of all the boys, so you can get a peek into Eddie and Jay during these years since the sequel will be set after college. I don't know for sure how long this story will be or anything yet but I can say that I had a blast writing this first chapter and can't wait to write the next.**

**Also, I will still be doing outtakes for E/J and already have a couple of them partially written. I've partially written the next chapter of MC too.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this! **

**Songs: Brick By Boring Brick by Paramore, Strut by Adam Lambert**

**Brady's POV**

I had been waiting for this all of my life…college, a fresh start, a life all my own in a brand new place…

Oh the possibilities!

Sure, Seattle wasn't as exciting as New York or Paris, but it was a real city far away from the backwoods hicks in Forks and even better, it was further from my mother and father. Those years that followed the day of my demise to my parents were probably the most difficult I will ever have…at least I really hope so because it had been very hard on me.

Were it not for my friends, I can say with reasonable conviction that I wouldn't be here to begin college and relish in the possibilities my new life has to offer.

My life had been a walking nightmare until the night I met Jay.

Being gay is one thing, but being a very effeminate boy who preferred making Barbie look presentable for that douche bag Ken instead of playing sports or doing things that would wrinkle my clothes…it was Hell.

I've always been different and never really had a problem with it, outside of my parents, until the sixth grade when 'my friends' began singling me out as the sissy boy or queer. It really hurt because I hadn't changed any, I still acted the same way, dressed the same…it was them that changed.

Apparently the beginnings of puberty marked the unspoken need to defend their masculinity by challenging everyone else's. Hormonal, prepubescent, teenage boys are a freaking nightmare…

I'm so glad I never was one.

Not saying that I'm a girl or anything because I most certainly am not. I enjoy some typical boy things like video games and…well, I can't really think of anything else right now.

But anyway, even when the kids had befriended me when we were young, my parents had always made it clear the shame that I brought upon them.

My father's words still ring clear in my ears from having heard them almost everyday since as long as I can remember…

"_Why can't you be normal? What's wrong with you? Nobody likes a sissy boy. What did your mother and I do to deserve this?"_

For a long time, I tried to figure out what it was I was doing that caused them such embarrassment and shame…as I grew older I realized that I wasn't _doing _anything…it was because of who I was and how in the world could I fix that?

I mean, I didn't even know I liked boys yet, they just hated the person that I was.

So I briefly tried to change who I was, I tried out for the baseball team but have you seen how fast they throw those balls at your face? It was frightening so that didn't last long. And then in the summer before seventh grade, Neva Monroe offered to make out with me, to straighten me out…so I tried again but the closer her lips came to mine, the more I wanted to throw up.

She was very upset when I turned my head and she kissed my cheek. And then she told all the other boys that it was confirmed…I was a faggot.

From then on, it was locker slams and being knocked to the ground every chance they got. But then when I met Jasper and saw the way he looked at Edward…I didn't feel so alone anymore.

I mean, here were two totally gorgeous, sweet boys who were obviously head over heels crazy for one another and they were both very popular…at least Jasper was, Eddie was more popular by default but still…

It gave me hope.

And then when Edward called me and said he wanted to be my friend, I must've done a happy dance in my room for an hour.

I can remember how nervous I was, the first time I stayed at Rosalie's house and met all of their friends…I just knew there was no way these beautiful, rich, totally cool people would accept me.

But they did with open arms and they never judged me for my voice that was a little higher than it should be or for the way I wanted things to be pretty and neat.

I can honestly say, that I've had huge crushes on all of my boys at one time or another. It started with Edward before I even met him, seeing him play his piano at a school recital that Jacob had attended with some of the Quilette boys.

And then on him and Jasper both after the bonfire party on the beach. And then on Emmett after he kissed me and I woke up to feel myself in his big strong arms being carried to the guest room bed…when he slipped off my shoes and glasses, I fell head over heels for him.

The more I hung out with him, the more I liked him. And I think he knew that I had a crush but he never made me feel bad about it.

When Tommy showed up and we became friends, I started hanging out with Em more and more until I practically lived at his house instead of Uncle Billy's. Eventually the crush turned into a deep respect and love for the big bear of a boy who treated me like a little brother.

We actually became very close and he trusted me with his inner most secrets about feeling inadequate in his father's eyes and how he worried so much for his Rosalie, and I trusted him with mine, how I thought I'd never find someone to love me.

I mean, all I want is to be with someone who lives to do nothing but worship the ground I walk on and adore me like no other.

I don't think that's too much to ask for because I would absolutely reciprocate, right?

It's not like I needed the fairytale, I just wanted something real…something solid, like all my friends.

In the beginning, I hoped it was Tommy that would be my one and only but after being around him for any length of time, his depression would get to me and so I decided that he was definitely not the one. But we did become good friends and he did give me my very first hand job so he would always hold a special place in my heart.

It was sad when he moved back to California but he wanted to be with his mom and I understood that. Hell, I ran into my mother at least a dozen times around Forks and she wouldn't even look in my direction.

And each and every time, it stung a little worse.

But then I met Suzie and I think I found my soul mate. She and I are so very different but more so alike. If she had a penis, she would be perfect for me. She's strong, and sweet and so loyal but she doesn't take people's shit the way I do sometimes.

In fact, the very last time I ran into my mother at the supermarket, she was with me and I'll never forget how she stood up for me.

"_Babydoll, what's wrong with you? Why you hidin' behind me like you seen a ghost or somethin'?"_

_I ducked even further behind her and thanked my lucky stars that she was taller than me, "My mother is over there by the fruit, ironic, I know but I don't want her to see me."_

_Her eyes narrowed as she scanned the aisle and pointed, "That woman with the long braid?"_

_I nodded and grabbed her hand, "Yes, can we just go somewhere else…"_

_But she just smiled and pulled me the other direction as her hand tightened in mine, me protesting all the way as she whispered, "You just let me do all the talkin', darlin…"_

_My mother raised her head and the moment she saw me, that scowl that I had known my whole life came to her face._

_Suzie stopped in front of her and squeezed my hand, "Mrs. Seneca?"_

_Mother put down the orange and crossed her arms over her chest, "If you're here to try and get me to talk to __**him**__, then you can just forget it…"_

_The way she said __**him**__, with disgust on her tongue sent shivers through me and brought tears to my eyes that I desperately tried to fight._

_Suzie smiled sweetly and I knew that look, she was getting ready to tear my mother apart with her words. It was kind of awesome to me how Suzie could look like an angel as she tore people down, but she was always sticking up for me when she did it so maybe she was just my angel, as Edward would always say._

"_Oh, I'm not here for that, ma'am, I'm actually here to thank you. You see, if you hadn't been such a dirty old cunt that abandoned her only child when he was just fourteen years old, then I might never have met him and I think he's the sweetest, most perfect boy in the whole wide world…"_

_My mother's face was as red as a tomato as she hissed through clenched teeth, "How dare you ta…"_

_But she didn't get the chance to finish as Suzie let go of my hand and hissed back as that sweet look vanished into her 'I will fuck you up' look, that I know equally as well and loved just as much._

"_No, you shut the fuck up cuz you're gonna stand here and listen to every fuckin' word I have to say! You're gonna show me some god damn respect or I'm gonna hit you so mother fuckin' hard in your big, ugly mouth that you ain't gonna be able to talk right for a week, got it?"_

_The look of shock on mother's face was one I had never seen before and people had now started to gather around the little scene…I smiled as I watched mother's worst nightmare come true as the snickering and gossiping started amongst the ladies in the supermarket._

_But Suzie didn't miss a beat, "Your son is a good boy, a smart boy…ya know he's goin' to college on an art scholarship? He's really talented and all he wants is to make the world a prettier place cuz all he seen growin' up was ugliness…and one day when that worthless little prick of a man you got, runs off or dies on your ass, you're gonna be all alone in your pathetic hate-filled life and my boy's gonna be livin' a beautiful life without givin' you a second thought ever again…so I didn't come to make you talk to him…I came so that he could walk away from you this time…for good…like the common trash you are…"_

_Tears were streaming down my face as Suzie walked up and used her thumbs to brush them away, "Shh, now darlin…you're much too pretty to walk away with your head down…raise it up high, brush that bitch off and sugar, we're not gonna walk away from her…we're gonna strut…"_

_I sniffled and a strength came from somewhere I didn't know I had as I nodded, squared off my shoulders, and linked arms with Suzie, "To hell with her, we're much too pretty to be around ugliness like that…"_

_She giggled and I tossed my hair as we strutted out of there, the shocked gasps and giggles of our audience around us, causing the sway in our hips to just get a little bit sassier with each step._

_Laying my head on her shoulder, I sighed, "I love you Suzie…thanks."_

_I felt her lips against my hair as she squeezed my hand, "Love you too, Brady."_

I loved Suzie and had a respect for her that was deep. It was going to be hell being away from her while she finished her Senior year. We promised to talk every single day though and see each other on the weekends as much as possible. She could stay the night with me and Alice sometimes and I would stay with her at Peter's, that way I could see him too.

And while I was really excited about starting college, I was really scared too. For the last three years of high school, I always had my own personal pack of protection amongst my girls. They never left my side and I always had someone to back me up if anyone said anything to me. Now, I was going to have to face classes alone and do this part of my life by myself.

I suppose that's what was the scariest about it. Having all of my friends around me all the time had made me feel indestructible…like I had a little force field around me that kept out all bad things.

Now I was exposed.

Taking a deep breath, I hugged the strap of my bag tight as I walked into my first class. Scanning the huge lecture hall, I could feel my palms beginning to sweat and that tingly itch came to them that always happens when I'm nervous.

"Hey, are you okay, man?"

I opened my eyes and let out a breath as I looked up into dark blue eyes, "Uh…um, yeah, yes…I'm okay…"

Looking down I could feel my cheeks heating up as I started to walk away but then he was shuffling up next to me, "We should sit in the back because Professor Marcus talks at an obscenely loud volume…"

I followed his lead and sat close to the back and began pulling out my books. The stare of the gorgeous blue eyed boy was making the hair on my neck stand when he leaned over and whispered, "I'm Joshua, by the way…and you are…"

He trailed off and I tried to remember how to speak, "Um…I'm…uh…B…Brady…that's my name…"

Chuckling he grinned at me and I had to bite my lip to keep from audibly moaning, "Well, Brady, I can tell that you're new around here, Freshman right?"

Unable to do much else, I just nodded. He leaned back close and whispered, "There's a party this weekend, would you like to come with me?"

Now I couldn't help the smile that came to my face, "Yeah…"

Nodding, he smiled at me before the deafening shrill of the Professor brought me back to reality.

Maybe I could do this by myself…maybe college was going to be different and I could finally find a boyfriend.

The first week of school was over and I was on cloud nine. Joshua was amazing. He saved me a seat everyday in class, walked me to my next one and on Friday, he even brought me coffee…it was made with regular creamer though instead of the nonfat but I figure he could learn that kind of stuff about me once we became official boyfriends.

I was hoping he would ask me tonight at the party and I couldn't wait. Edward was helping me get ready at his place so I rambled on as he sat at his kitchen table with a glass of tea, smiling at me.

"Edward, he's just so sweet and God, he's so cute….I can't wait for you to meet him and I think he may ask me to be his boyfriend tonight at the party…"

Now Jasper walked in wearing nothing but an old pair of sweats as he leaned against the doorframe and scratched his belly, "What party?"

I grinned, "Joshua asked me to a party tonight, he told me the name of his friend but I can't remember…"

Folding his chiseled arms across his perfect scarred chest, he raised an eyebrow, "Who else is goin' with you cuz I know you ain't goin' alone…"

I looked at him in confusion, "What? Why? He's a nice guy, Jay…"

He walked over and pulled out a chair next to me, "I'm sure he is, Brady but I don't think it's safe for you to go to some big wild ass party without at least one of us with you…"

Edward piped in now, "He's right, Brady, why don't you give us a little bit to get ready and we'll go with you…"

Shaking my head, I stood up and smiled, "Look, guys, I know you're just being all protective and I appreciate that but I'm a grown man now…Joshua is perfect and tonight is going to be the best night of my life so far…so I'll call you later but don't wait up…"

With a giggle, I left to go meet Joshua with visions of dancing together and sweet soft kisses…it was going to be perfect.

Josh looked gorgeous as he picked me up and I felt like the luckiest guy there as we walked in hand-in-hand. The music was blaring and the half naked drunk people everywhere were a little off-putting but I could look past those minuscule blemishes in an otherwise beautiful night.

I didn't plan on drinking very much but all of his friends were so sweet and friendly, bringing me drinks all night long until I finally lost all of my inhibitions and Josh pulled me out on the dance floor.

I had danced with Eddie and Jay and even Jeremiah at their bachelor party but I had never danced with a boy who actually wanted me…the way he rubbed up against me and caressed my skin while sucking on the back of my neck made me feel like the sexiest boy in the world…and I had never felt that way before.

It was even more intoxicating than the alcohol.

I swayed as he put his arm around me and whispered in my ear, "Let's go upstairs and find a room…it's too loud to talk down here…"

Somewhere to lie down sounded perfect and with him all cuddled up next to me, I knew it would be.

I let him lead me upstairs, squeezing past the crowd of people that littered the stairs and hallways until he pulled me into a dark room. The room tilted as he pulled me over until I fell onto a bed, giggling with him pressed to my lips.

He kissed me passionately as his hands explored my body. It was exhilarating to feel so wanted but my head was spinning just a little as I pulled away breathlessly when his hands began working on my belt.

"Josh…Josh, wait a minute…"

Smiling at me, I got lost in his eyes as he whispered, "I promise I'll be gentle, baby…"

His hands now opened my belt and began sliding down my zipper as I grabbed his wrist and rushed out, "I'm a virgin…I've never…"

But then I felt my jeans being yanked down my legs as soft kisses tickled my hips and stomach, "Relax, Brady…everybody has to lose it sometime, right? Why not with me? Don't you like me?"

The room was spinning as I struggled to stay conscious, "Yes I do like you very much, Joshua, but I…I don't know…"

Stars were clouding my eyes as he took me into his mouth and I groaned out, "Oh God…ugh…Josh…just like that, baby…just like that…"

It was moving way too fast but I couldn't bring myself to stop. I wanted to take the time to relish my very first blow job but the feeling of his finger being pressed inside me caused me to gasp out, "Josh…Josh, I've never…"

But then it curled and brushed a spot somewhere deep inside of me and I was crying out in pleasure as he sucked me down his throat.

I came within minutes of him adding another finger, the stretch burned at first but he reassured me that it got better and he wasn't lying.

And that moment after, I was lost in the most euphoric dream I've ever had…I could literally feel the world moving underneath me…

Though that could just be the alcohol...

The sound of tearing foil awoken me from my beautiful dream and plummeted me head first back into reality.

I panted as he rolled it down his dick and started coating it with lube, "Josh…a little fast…"

But then his lips were on mine as he mumbled, "You feel so good, baby…want you so bad…please…please, baby…"

His cock was sliding against my ass as he moaned into my open mouth and I wrapped my arms around him, feeling how much he wanted me.

And I decided that love stories didn't have to be long and slow burning…this was what I had been waiting for…

He obviously had strong feelings about me if he brought me here to meet all of his friends and he spent the whole week chasing after me…

So I nodded and buried my head in his shoulder as I felt the tip of his dick push inside me. It felt like I was being ripped in two and I silently cursed Edward for telling me how incredible this felt because all I felt now was blinding pain.

I screamed out and felt tears sting my eyes as he tried to console me but he never stopped pushing, "Shh…it's okay, Brady…don't tense up, you gotta relax, baby…the worst part's almost over…there, I'm all the way in…relax, baby…"

It hurt so bad and I wanted him to stop but I couldn't get the words out as the room kept spinning faster and faster and I felt helpless to stop it.

All I could do was gasp for air every time he pulled out and slammed back in. He was still moaning and telling me all sorts of things I had waited to hear all of my life but I couldn't even think straight because of the pain.

I wanted to scream or cry or throw him off of me…but I did none of those things. The tears came but I couldn't get my voice to work and my arms just tightened my grip around him instead of pushing him away.

It had to get better so if I could just hold on a little longer…

But moments later, he grunted a few times and collapsed on top of me, causing all the air to leave my lungs as I finally tried to push him off.

He rolled over with a groan and pulled out of me, the sting of him leaving me was just as bad as when he entered me.

Finally, I lay there and start to get the tears under control as he gets out of bed and throws the condom in a small trash bin.

The brunt of the pain was over now and I knew that the really good part was coming, the cuddling together and talking all night…

Only he bent down and started gathering his clothes off the floor and getting dressed. I sat up and winced at the pain that shot across my backside, "Aren't you coming back to bed?"

Pulling his shirt over his head, he smiled, "Nah, I'm going back to the party…"

I was confused and feeling embarrassed about my still naked body, so I grabbed my shirt off the ground and tried to cover myself, "But I thought…I mean…just wait a minute for me to get myself together and I'll go out with you…"

Now he laughed, "That's alright, man…I don't think we're gonna work out…"

Again, it felt like I was being crushed as my eyes started to sting again, "What? Why?"

He came over and knelt down in front of me, taking my chin in his hand, and smiled, "This is college, Brady…we're supposed to fuck around…and quite frankly, you were a little easy and kind of a bad lay…"

My mouth dropped as he crushed me into nothing and I could literally feel my heart shattering, "W…what? How could you…do th...that to me?"

I was shaking so bad and the tears wouldn't stop as he stood up and walked to the door. I never wanted to see that smile again but the jerk couldn't stop himself from turning and giving it to me once more with a laugh, "Welcome to college life, man…"

Once he left and shut the door, I dropped my head between my knees and sucked in as much air as I could get while I tried to get myself under control. I had felt shame and humiliation almost all my life but nothing had ever cut as deep as this did.

_How could I be so stupid? Did I just make up everything in my head? Did he ever really even like me? What's wrong with me?_

The room felt like it was closing in on me and I knew I had to get out of here fast so I threw my clothes on and couldn't stand to look in the mirror before I ran down the stairs and to the door…but not before I saw him dancing with some other boy…some other boy much more beautiful than I would ever be…

I walked for a little while, not even really paying attention just not wanting to face reality about what just happened to me. But the pain in my ass and the way my whole body ached finally forced me to pull out my phone.

"Hello?"

I managed to rasp out, "Edward?"

I sniffled and he sounded worried now, "Where are you? I'll come get you…"

"Um…Lewis and Main…can…can you come alone? I don't want Jay to get involved…"

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

A few minutes later, his silver Volvo pulled up and I took a breath before I carefully sat down in the front seat.

He pulled off his seat belt and turned to me, "What happened, Brady?"

_God I felt so stupid…_

Looking out the window, I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to focus but the tears were burning my eyes, "I don't want to talk about it…he just…wasn't who I thought he was…"

But Edward wasn't giving up. His arm wrapped around me as he tried to pull me close, "Come here, Brady…tell me what happened…"

I tried to fight but the truth was, I really, really needed a hug right now.

So I found myself turning and burying my head in his chest as I sobbed, "H..he was s…so nice…I th…thought he l..liked me…"

Once I started talking, I couldn't stop until I had told him everything. He just listened and rubbed my back while he rocked me gently in his arms.

"W…what's wrong with m…me? Why can't anybody l…love me?"

His voice was soft as he spoke, "A lot of people love you, Brady. And I'm so sorry you fell for such a jerk but he's the loser, not you. You're going to find the right guy someday who's going to love you simply for being you because you're so special…"

I snorted in disgust, "Y…yeah right…I'm so s…stupid…I make up things in my head that aren't even really there…when I think of it now…there wasn't really anything th…there at all but I just wanted it so b…bad…"

Just then my phone rang and I pulled it out to see Jay's number. I groaned, "You told him?"

He just shrugged, "I just told him I had to come pick you up…"

I raised an eyebrow and he sighed in defeat, "Fine I told him you were crying your eyes out and sounded horrible but you know I can't keep anything from him…"

I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice from cracking, "Hey, Jay…"

"What the fuck did that asshole do to you? I swear to God, if he hurt you, I'll fuckin kill him…"

Sniffling I croaked out, "No…I just did something really stupid…"

But then another line clicked in and I moaned, "Shit…hold on…"

"If that cock suckin' bastard touched one hair on your pretty little head, I'm gonna fuck him up…"

That caused me to chuckle, "I'm okay, Suzie…well, not really _okay _but…"

Then Edward's phone rang and he chuckled, "Good grief…hello, Em…"

He covered the phone and smiled at me, "Jeremiah is over at Em and Rosie's…they said they'd give him a beat down if you wanted…"

I giggled again and rolled my sore, dry eyes as Edward full out laughed now, "Oh for the love of…Em, hang on…Hi Alice…yes, he's fine…you're in New York so how exactly do you plan on inserting your foot up Joshua's ass from across the country?"

I couldn't stop from laughing now even though it hurt. We eventually settled on meeting at my apartment and would put Alice on speaker phone since she was away with her mother on a weekend trip to New York.

At first, I didn't really want to tell anybody but when I actually started talking about it to my friends, it did feel a whole lot better.

I sat on the couch in between Edward and Em as I now cuddled into Em's big strong chest and he tousled my hair, "It's okay, Brady…you're my little dude…Rosie's at home with JJ and Em J but she says that she loves you and she'd gladly rip his balls off if you want…would that make you quit being so sad, huh? If Rosie ripped his balls off?"

I giggled and sniffled at the same time, "Yes it would…"

They all stayed with me until Suzie showed up about an hour and a half later. When the boys left, Suzie and I dug into the cartons of Chunky Monkey ice cream she bought and sat in the middle of my bed as we talked, just like old times.

"I hate that he messed it all up for you, baby…your first time shoulda been perfect and beautiful…"

Sighing, I took another spoonful and shook my head, "It was my fault…I didn't even tell him no…I wanted to but I just…I just laid there and did nothing…I'm so humiliated…"

She reached over and took my hand in hers, "Don't feel that way, honey…we all make bad decisions sometimes and he took advantage of you, bein' drunk and all…he was in the wrong, not you…"

Groaning, I set the carton aside and flopped down on the bed, pulling the cover over my head, "I don't know how I'm going to go back to class on Monday…I can't face him…"

Instead of yanking the pillow off, she scooted underneath it with me until her face was close to mine, "I never told you bout my first time, did I?"

Shaking my head, I pulled the blanket over us and she sighed, "I was fourteen and his name was Ryan DeWitt…he was a couple years older and when he started talkin' to me…I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the whole world cuz he was the boy that everyone wanted…I hadn't filled out much yet and I was so used to bein' the scrawny bean pole that the boys made fun of and when he told me I was the prettiest girl at the party…I wanted so bad to believe him…"

Her eyes started watering now and she sniffled, "We were all partying hard…way too much liquor and a few too many pills…it was my first real party cuz Jeremiah would never let me go to any of them…but he was spending the weekend in jail so I took my chance…"

I reached out and took her hand as her baby blue eyes glistened, "We were just dancing and I remember feelin' so happy at all the jealous looks of the other girls at the party…before I even realized what was happenin'…we were on a couch, making out hot and heavy…I had saved up money and bought this pretty little red dress…I felt so sexy in that dress…I remember thinkin' it was like my magic dress cuz when I wore it, I felt beautiful and powerful…but when it ended up torn and bunched up around my knees…I found out that it was all in my head…"

The tears started falling and I brushed them away with my thumb, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, honey…"

She shook her head and sniffled, "No, I need to…it just happened so fast…I was so out of it that I didn't even realize we were still in a room filled with people until I heard the catcalls…it hurt and I cried the whole time while everyone else laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world…but I never said no…I couldn't get the words out and it was like all the bones in my body had turned to mush and I just couldn't fight it…when he was done, I barely remember running outta there with my pretty little dress ripped and torn…just like me…from then on, I was known as just another trashy whore who let a guy fuck her in front of everybody…but I didn't let him…I just didn't have the strength to stop him…Seth was the first guy I've ever been with that made sex feel good to me…and it was cause he really cared about me and I cared about him…"

She smiled now as she brushed my hair back behind my ear, "So, what I'm sayin' here is…I know it was awful, baby…but you're strong and you're gonna be fine…and when you meet the right guy, sex is gonna be amazing…but make them work for it cuz you're far too special and beautiful to waste yourself on someone who ain't worth you…and that mother fucker ain't worth you, baby doll…"

I nodded and we wrapped our arms around each other and snuggled under the blanket.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Suzie…you deserved better…"

She smiled and sighed with her head in the crook of my neck, "I know…so did you, Brady…just remember…when you see that bastard, don't run away from him…hold your head up high…"

I giggled now, "And strut. I will, Suzie…we need to go shopping tomorrow because I need a new outfit…"

She giggled too and it was that sound that filled my senses as I finally drifted off to sleep.

The next day we went shopping and after the day with Suzie, I felt like I had some of my confidence back. We went over to Eddie and Jay's to show him my new clothes and I laughed when I walked into their living room.

Jay was sitting on the couch in nothing but a pair of cutoff sweats, with his Xbox controller and headset on so I figured he was playing Call of Duty with Emmett and Jeremiah.

I laughed, "Does he live in sweats?"

Edward rolled his eyes and shrugged, "He won't stay clothed…it was a fight to get him to put those things on before you got here…"

Jay smiled as he continued playing, "Don't act like you don't like seein' my naked ass walkin' around the apartment all day, Eddie…"

Now Edward smiled, "I do kind of like it…"

Jay laughed, "That's cuz I'm a sexy mother fu…god damn campin' son of a bitch! Revive me, mother fuckers…"

Edward just laughed, "Let's go to the bedroom…"

Suzie and I started following him when Jay called out, "Oh hey, Brady?"

I turned and saw him smiling at me, "Yes, Jay?"

His dimpled grin looked deviant as he giggled, "We got that asshole last night, by the way…"

My mouth dropped open as I looked at him, "What?"

He just laughed, "Yeah…we drove to the house, we got the guys address from Eddie's Biology partner, Riley…anyway, we walked straight up in that mother fucker and told him that for what he did to you, he deserved at least one hit from each of us…"

I looked now at Edward who was grinning from ear to ear with pink cheeks, "Oh my God…what did he say?"

Edward laughed, "He said his boys wouldn't let that happen but when Emmett and Jeremiah walked in, they all backed off and said that he should just take the shots…"

Suzie and I were giggling now as Jay continued.

"Dude, he was so fuckin' scared…we made him stand there and take a punch from each of us…"

I could hear Em and Jeremiah through the speakers on the TV now, "Yeah, dude, you should've seen it, the jerk pissed himself…"

Now Jeremiah laughed, "Dude, did you see his face when I took a few practice swings to work out my shoulder 'fore I clocked him…I said, 'Welcome to real life, bitch…' Those boys didn't know what to do…we punked all those hoes…did that son of a bitch just tea bag me? Oh hell no…ya'll better get that mother fucker and avenge me…"

Once my laughter died down, I wiped the happy tears from my eyes and thanked God for giving me my friends.

Monday still came way too fast and I was so glad that Alice had helped me get ready this morning. She had bought me the most fabulous pair of jeans in New York and I knew I looked good as I walked into class.

I saw him sitting at the back with two black eyes and a busted lip. With one last deep breath I pulled out my phone and looked at the text Suzie had sent me this morning that simply said, "Strut."

So, I held my head up high and tossed my hair back as I sashayed across the room. But luckily, Joshua wouldn't even look at me, let alone dare to speak to me.

The first week of school had been a very valuable lesson to me and whenever I wasn't with my friends, I kicked up my diva bitch attitude a few notches so that people couldn't mess with me…and even if they did make ugly remarks or snicker, I just acted as if it didn't bother me.

It took a little while, but after a few weeks, I finally felt like I was getting my groove with the whole college thing. I found a part time job at a local coffee shop and that helped keep me busy when I wasn't throwing myself into my studies.

But when the holidays came, I started getting a little sad again and wishing that I had a boyfriend. Alice had broken up with Trent just a couple weeks ago and she already had a couple of new boys and a new girl that she was dating.

I couldn't even find one boy.

Jeremiah was dating a girl now that I finally met at Christmas at the Cullen's. She was very sweet, a little short and a little thick which kind of surprised me because most guys as hot as him, wouldn't date chubby girls…but he said that he liked those curves because it gave him something to hold onto and he felt like he wouldn't break her.

I kind of understood that because I always pictured my dream man as a big, kind of burly guy with huge arms and a strong chest but just a little bit of a belly for me to rest my head on.

And then I knew I was really in a funk because that little comment from Jeremiah didn't elicit even one little erotic fantasy…in fact, since the whole Joshua fiasco, I hadn't even been able to self love myself because all of the fantasies I had in my head for so long about sex were just sort of tainted now.

For so long I had dreamed of the perfect man…he would be big and strong like Emmett…and sweet and kind of shy like Edward…and he'd be a little ghetto with a sexy southern drawl like Jeremiah and Jay…he'd be funny like Jeremiah and have Jay's sense of loyalty and passion…he'd be a _real _man, like all of them were.

But there was no such thing as a dream man…I had to live in the real world and in the _real _world, a _real _man wouldn't give me the time of day.

By the time Spring Break was coming, I was certifiably depressed. I loved my friends and knew that they would always be there for me and I loved being in school and in the city…but I still felt like such an outsider sometimes when I would be around all of them and they were all cuddled up with someone and I was left to cuddle with my cheap wine cooler.

The only break I got from couple-dom was when Suzie would come up and stay every other weekend or so and we'd cuddle together.

I mean, I would settle for a man not worshipping the ground I walked on but who just wanted to sit on the couch and snuggle for awhile…

The door bell chimed and I looked up to see Eddie walking into the coffee shop, "Hey Brady, do you think you can go on break for a few minutes?"

I forced a smile, "Sure, have a seat, I'll be right there."

Grabbing him some hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and a drizzle of caramel, and my nonfat decaf latte, I told Sandy I was taking a break and made my way over to him.

He moaned when he tasted the hot chocolate and licked the cream from his lips, "You make the best hot chocolate, Brady…"

I was too depressed to even comment about the licking of the white creamy stuff from his lips, "What's up, Eddie?"

He sighed and started playing with the napkin on the table, "Do you remember last weekend when Jay and I were arrested?"

Nodding, I took a sip of my coffee and hummed, "Mmm, hmm…"

It was silly really…Jay had gotten really jealous of Edward's biology partner, Riley and I guess the guy said something to him and Jay snapped…messed him up pretty good but then Riley's friends jumped in so Eddie jumped in and then Jeremiah and Emmett joined and it was chaos.

When Jeremiah and Jasper got together, it was like they fueled the ghetto in each other and Em always jumped right in and Edward usually got dragged along…

Anyway, it wasn't serious and they were released the next day with no charges filed but that had led to Edward and Jasper's first real argument as a married couple.

Edward sighed, "Well, Jay's been getting really close with his cousin, Brandon, in Texas and yesterday he called but Jay was asleep so I answered to tell him that he would call him later when he woke up…but then we started talking and he seems like such a sweet guy…anyway, we talked about how Jay has been in two fights now since we got married and he said that he'd try and talk some sense into him and Jeremiah both about the kind of fire they're playing with…so I kind of made plans for Spring Break to go visit him in Texas since he can't leave the state because of the whole parole thing…"

I nodded, "That's good, maybe he can talk to them…"

He smiled as he took another sip, "Yeah I hope so…anyway, everyone's going to go, Suzie, Em and Rose, mom and dad, the boys, Jeremiah, Alice…so do you think you can get the week off?"

A week in Texas with 100 degree weather didn't sound much like a vacation but I really didn't want to go a week without my friends so I reluctantly sighed, "Yeah, probably…"

We took a plane that next week and I was actually kind of excited about seeing where Suzie and Jeremiah grew up at, although I was already given a thorough warning that I was never to go out without Jay, Jeremiah, and Emmett with me. They were up front about the little town they came from and the bigotry I might face but it didn't really sound much different than the dirt poor reservation that I came from…just hotter and spat out with a southern twang.

When we landed, Carlisle got three rental cars that we split everybody up in and we went to check in at the hotel. But Suzie, Jeremiah, Alice, and me were going to stay at their mom's house instead of at the hotel, though we planned on chilling there a lot and maybe going swimming.

Alice had been excited because her and Jeremiah were both finally single again so she was hopeful that they'd finally get together this week. She absolutely adored him but knew that he hadn't been ready for a relationship and she didn't want to be the first girl he dated since Candace. So she bided her time and waited and since he had broken up with that other girl and went out on a few dates since, she figured he was ready.

Once they checked into the hotel, Esme and Carlisle took Em J and JJ for the night, since it was starting to get dark outside and we all piled in two of the vehicles to drive over to his cousin Brandon's house.

I thought it was kind of strange that they weren't going to see their mom first but Suzie told me that she did her chemo treatments for the day and didn't need to be bothered until morning so I guess we would just shack up in the hotel with the others for the night.

It was dusk when we pulled up in front of an old white double with a cement porch and a red rusted work truck parked out on the street. For some reason, I find myself nervous as we walk up and I think maybe it's because the dim street lamps barely illuminate the harshly cracked sidewalks…so I'm just chanting to myself not to trip.

Suzie's hand grips mine and she smiles down at me, "What are you so nervous about? Your palms are all sweaty…"

I smiled back and shook my head, "I honestly have no idea…"

The sound of a door swinging open causes my eyes to move upward to the porch and it was as if a million fairies started fluttering their wings because all of the breath was drawn from my body.

If this was Brandon, I was so screwed…

But I could tell from the dimple in his left cheek…the shaggy light blonde hair…and the palest blue eyes I had ever seen, that this was most definitely a Whitlock boy.

He was laughing as he pulled Jeremiah into a hug and said, "C'mere you silly mother fucker, I need me a hug…"

Jeremiah hugged him back and laughed along, "I need me a hug, you big ass son of a bitch…"

Brandon was definitely the biggest Whitlock boy…

_Now is not the time to cue the erotic fantasies…_

But he was a good three inches taller than Jay so that had to put him at about 6'5...and he easily outweighed him…he had the most spectacular arms of any man I'd ever seen. They were covered in dark ink that reached up underneath the sleeve of the simple gray t-shirt he wore…it stretched across his upper body and arms, revealing what can only be described as a chest of the Greek God Adonis…

_He would be so fucking hot in a little loin cloth like a big Spartan slave boy…_

He began greeting everyone else and Suzie ran up to him and jumped in his arms. Then Jay…then Jeremiah again…it was nice to see them all so happy.

Finally, Jeremiah started introducing him to everyone else and I still had images of him hovering over me, all tanned and sweaty muscles with that gorgeous grin and…

_Reality, Brady…stick with the plan…_

Shaking my head, I tried to break the daze but before I could even register what was happening, I tripped over one of the cracks in the sidewalk and fell to my knees.

_Oh my God, did that really just happen? You've got to be freaking kidding me! Haven't I endured enough punishment from that spiteful bitch Fate…"_

But the feeling of a big, strong, calloused hand on my arm brought me back from the internal dramedy that is my life…

"Hey, man, you okay?"

My heart was racing as I looked up into those clear pale blue eyes, "Uh…I'm fine…just a little embarrassed…"

_I am not going to fall for this again…I am going to keep a firm grip on reality and not some crazy fantasy in my head…_

Oh God, his smile was completely dazzling and I could hardly even feel the heat in my cheeks because I was lost in that gorgeous scruffy chin and plump dark pink lips and…

_Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…please don't let me fall for another man that I can't have…please…_

He just smiled as he helped me to my feet, "Why are you embarrassed? These fuckin' sidewalks suck…I've fallen probably twenty times since I moved in…"

I let out a breathless chuckle as he put his arm around me and pulled me up, "I fell…I just…I'm such a klutz…"

_Did he just sniff my hair and sigh? No way, Brady…quit trying to put things in your head that aren't really there…_

Once I was upright and steady, he raised a big muscular arm and scratched at the back of his neck before tucking his shaggy hair behind his ear, random strands still falling forward. And he smiled sweetly, "Well, that's the thing about fallin'…you don't even know it's happenin' till it's too late to stop it, so all you can really do is brace yourself and hope for the best…I'm Brandon, by the way…"

_I know that, Brandon, because you're gorgeous and perfect and smooth as honeyed silk just like your other god damn cousins that I can't fall in love with because they're either taken or straight…fuck…_

Okay, back to reality, "Um…Brady…"

He held out his hand and I almost whimpered when he squeezed my fingers lightly and grinned from ear to ear, "It's real nice to meet you, Brady…you wanna beer? It'll help the sting in your palms from scrapin' 'em on the pavement…"

I held my hands up and noticed that they were indeed, scratched up from my fall but I just hadn't noticed yet. But now I did and it started to sting as I hissed a little, "Ow…um, yes please…"

Suzie dragged me over to sit on the porch and Brandon handed me a beer as the boys just started drinking and talking about memories of them growing up together. I just sat there with my feet dangling over the edge of the porch and my head on Suzie's shoulder as they all chatted it up.

I took a long drink from my beer and made a face as I swallowed because I really didn't like beer but I figured with my current situation, a little alcohol to help relax me might be just what I needed.

Watching him laugh and wrestle and cut up with his cousins in the front yard underneath the dimly lit street lamp and beneath a clear Texas sky…I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

All I could really do at this point was try to keep myself in the real world and hope for the best.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I was really blown away by the response this story got for the first chapter. I hope you continue to enjoy it and I do have pics of Brady and Brandon posted on my Facebook if you're interested. The link is on my profile. Also, the play list is on my Youtube.**

**New Low by Middle Class Rut, Hotel California by The Eagles, If Anyone Falls by Stevie Nicks**

**Brandon's POV**

Sometimes I wish I could make myself small…cuz if I was smaller maybe I could blend into the background more and it wouldn't feel like everyone was lookin' at me all the time.

But no matter how hard I try and curl myself up real small on the inside…I can still feel their stares weighing me down like a ton of bricks.

I wonder if they can see the real me on the inside all curled up and hidin' away…and I wonder that if they do see me, if they wouldn't mind too awful bad to tell me what the fuck's goin' on in there cuz I'm just all mixed up.

I'm pretty sure I'm a little gay…I mean, I can get it up for women just fine but the only person I ever really had them funny little feelin's in my gut for was a guy, so I figured that must mean that I'm just a little gay and not all the way gay.

_Does that even make sense? Probably not but I've been dealin' with this shit for goin' on 11 years and I still don't know what the fuck I'm doin._

I met Angel when we was just 14 and he got stuck tutoring me Freshman year so I could play football. He was one of them boys that you could just look at and you knew he was gay. I was never one for bullyin' in school or anything but I gotta admit that I did look the other way an awful lot cuz I didn't know him so I didn't care.

But when I did get to know him, I liked him and then I cared.

He was different from the other guys at school but not in a bad way…he was actually sweet…most people treated all us boys like shit and he was the first kid to ever just…be nice to me, besides my cousins anyway.

And once I realized that I was fallin' for him…it was too late to stop…

I must've tried a million times though.

I seen one of them preachers on the TV once and he said that people choose to be gay or not. So I remember thinkin, 'Great, I choose not.'

Only whatever choice I had made and been so certain of just an hour ago, seemed to fall apart completely whenever I saw him.

Shaking my head to clear the images of him, I get outta bed and stretch. I stumble across my bedroom to the open window and stick my head out to take a few breaths of fresh air and remind myself that I'm still free today.

Glancing up, the sun causes me to squint my tired blue eyes as I see the old light pole on the other side of the train tracks. Images of him swinging from that pole, lifeless and gray flash before my eyes, just like they do every morning.

Taking a deep breath, my whole body shakes as the guilt and heartbreak overwhelm me…just like they do every mornin.

But I gotta lot of shit to do today cuz my family's gonna be here tonight and I need to try and face this shit before they get here. I've been puttin it off since I got out but if I really wanted to figure this shit out while they were here, then I had to face it.

See, I kinda had an ulterior motive for askin' Edward to come and visit me…sure, I planned on talkin to Jay and Jeremiah bout the stupid shit they've been doin but I also just kinda wanted to see Jay and Edward together, like as a couple, so I could figure out how that shit works.

I mean, I just didn't understand how I could've felt the way I did about Angel cuz I've been locked up around boys all my life and I ain't ever wanted any of them…maybe I just like people that are nice to me since he's pretty much the only one that ever was. So maybe if I found me a nice girl, I'd fall for her.

Cuz I didn't wanna be gay, not even a little. That shit looked hard. Bein' straight was easy…I ain't even ever had to try and hit on a chick cuz they just come to me but a guy…ain't no guy gonna be brave enough to make a move on me first…and ain't no way I could ever make the first move.

If Angel hadn't asked if he could kiss me, I woulda never been the one to ask him. That was just one of the reasons I liked him so much…he was so fuckin fearless. He was just…_fuck_, he was a sassy little bitch and he'd be the first to tell you that shit.

I always dug that about him. The way he just was who he was and how'd he turn his nose up when people called him names like he was above them…and he was. He was real smart and really funny and such a twisted little fuck…

_Shit, think of somethin' else…_

I guess it didn't really matter anyways cuz I was alright bein' alone. Hell, I've been alone pretty much all my life, 'cept for Jeremiah. I kinda preferred it that way cuz I didn't like bein' 'round bunches of people…it always made me feel, like, suffocated or some shit. It was gonna be hard bein' 'round a bunch of people I didn't know that was comin' with Jay and Jeremiah but Edward seemed really…I don't know, sweet. And it seemed like he really did love Jay…I sure as hell knew how much Jay cared about him cuz I could practically feel it through the phone every time he talked about him.

So, I could handle it for a week, I think. I hope.

Draggin my sorry ass to the shower, I got ready quick and within 15 minutes I was dressed and out the door. Prison life will do that to you. Meal times and shower times always went real fast and then you'd have day after day of just nothin'. But really, I didn't mind prison so much either cuz I knew what to expect every day. Sure, you gotta watch your back constantly but that really ain't all that different on the outside. And on the inside you really ain't got shit else to worry bout but watchin' your back but out here…you got bills and dickhead bosses and fuckin dirty ass pigs who fuck with you just cuz they can…

I guess it's just easier on the inside cuz you ain't gotta figure out who's a wolf in sheep's clothing…we're all just fuckin wolves.

Yeah, it's pretty fucked up when your only sense of normalcy you learned behind bars but it is what it is.

I guess I was what you call, institutionalized. I didn't like bein' round a lot of people, didn't want nobody lookin' at me, and I'll be damned if someone puts their hands on me. I just knew it was safer for me to kinda stay away from people, that way I didn't have to worry 'bout freakin the fuck out and landin' my ass right back in the penitentiary.

It was safer for everyone else too.

I was real calm most of the time but I've been known to just snap if someone fucks with me or someone I care about. I only lived by one rule my whole life…don't fuck with mine.

And I may wanna be real small sometimes but at 6'5, I know how to use my muscle when I need to.

Though I gotta admit that I don't work out everyday like I used to and I live on Taco Bell, so I'm startin' to get just a little soft right in my gut. I don't mind much though, my job worked me out hard enough and I didn't have nobody to impress anyway.

Sighing, I threw my truck into gear and took off. It was still early, 'bout 6:30 in the mornin' so I figured the cemetery would be empty. That was another thing that kinda sucked 'bout bein locked away for so long, I was up by 6:00am every damn mornin', and no matter how bad I wanted to go back to sleep, I just couldn't.

Tryin' to distract myself from thoughts of what I was fixin' to do, I thought about how much I couldn't wait to see Jeremiah and Jay again. It had been over two years since Jeremiah showed up to visit me and I told his crazy ass to run to Washington as fast as he could.

Lord knows I would if I could.

But I'm still stuck in this God forsaken state for another four years. And I hated that cuz I really missed Jeremiah. I ain't ever even saw JJ in real life and he was two years old already. And I hadn't seen Jay since he was 11 years old, that summer after Angel passed and right before I went to prison…but I remember that he was a crazy son of a bitch, even way back when. We had talked a lot on the phone though this last year and he seemed like a real cool cat now…mostly chilled down but from what Edward said, he still gets a little wild every now and again.

I gotta have me a talk with that boy…he's got himself a real good thing goin' on and I ain't about to let him fuck it all up cuz he's got some new sense of freedom and he's goin' a little crazy…cuz a mother fucker can take your freedom from you real quick and I don't care how much of a badass you are, prison ain't no punk.

And with Jay bein' gay and all, he sure don't wanna get locked up cuz I seen what they do to the little feminine boys in that fuckin' place and it ain't pretty. But he didn't really act gay on the phone.

_Ya know, 'cept for how he talks about his boy all the time but I don't know…it don't really feel weird or nothin' when he's talkin' bout Eddie… _

It was kinda weird to think of him bein' gay though cuz all us Whitlock boys had always been real big and tall and not really girly like at all. But I guess I wasn't really either so maybe gay guys weren't all little and girly like Angel was…

Not that I'm gay…I don't think…

_See, I still don't know what the fuck I'm doin…_

Much too soon, I pulled up to the cemetery and just turned off my truck. I sat there for awhile, thinkin' of what I was gonna say and tryin' to get my nerves under control. I must've had my hand on the door handle for half an hour but I couldn't open it yet.

So, for once, I just closed my eyes let myself think about him.

_He had been tutoring me for about a month and that whole time he was drivin' me crazy…the way he'd twirl his shiny black hair around his finger while he studied…or how he'd sit with his legs crossed in them tight ass jeans he always wore…and the way he'd get all silly happy when I done good on my tests, he'd clap and jump up and down while tellin' me how proud he was of me…_

_Hell, even when he was mad at me, I couldn't keep from smilin' as he'd cuss me in Spanish, that tongue just flappin' a hundred miles a minute. He was so funny the day he found out I knew what he was sayin..._

"_Brandon, how the hell do you get an A in Spanish and a D- in English? You're a white boy…"_

_I just shrugged as I looked up from my book across the kitchen table, "I don't know…Spanish is easy…I been able to speak it since I can remember…"_

_His face turned bright red as his mouth dropped open, "So you know what I'm saying when I speak Spanish?"_

_Now I could feel my cheeks goin' up in flames as I shrugged again but couldn't stop myself from smilin, "Yeah, I know…you always call me the crazy hot white boy…and you think I'm smarter than I let on, but I don't know if I agree with you on that one…and once you said that you could do things to me that most women wouldn't dream of…is that right?"_

_His dark brown eyes were big as he whispered, "You're not…mad at me?"_

_I furrowed my brows and looked into his pretty eyes, "For what?"_

_Looking away he sighed, "For liking you…if you want me to leave…if I make you uncomfortable now then I…"_

_Pickin' up my book, and starin' real hard at the page of words that didn't mean shit to me, I reached out my foot and nudged his underneath the table._

"_I don't mind it none…I mean, it's okay with me if you wanna like me…don't really understand why you would though…I ain't smart like you, I'm pretty dumb and you know how crazy I can get…"_

_I felt his foot nudge mine back and I looked up to see him smiling at me, "Let me explain this using a legendary country singer to appeal to your redneck, white boy senses…the divine Loretta Lynn used to always say that she may be ignorant but she ain't dumb…there's a difference, Brandon…__**you're **__different, and you're not stupid, you just haven't been taught a lot of things but you can always learn…I can help teach you because I'm a fabulous teacher, ergo this B- in Algebra…I'm really proud of you, you're just amazing…"_

_For some reason, every time he'd tell me he was proud of me, it made my tummy get all these little flappin' butterflies and my palms would get sweaty and itchy. He made me nervous, which wasn't new, pretty much everybody made me nervous…but it was a different kinda nervous with him. _

_And I just couldn't stop smilin' when he was around. It made me feel even more dumb but I couldn't stop myself no matter how hard I tried._

_So I just stared at my book again with a big dumb grin on my face and mumbled, "Thanks, Angel…"_

_His voice was real sweet and real soft, "Thank you for being so cool about everything…"_

_I didn't really wanna say anything cuz my cheeks were already hurtin' from grinnin' too much and I figured, the less I said, the less chance I had of fuckin' up this…thing I had goin' with him._

_All I could tell you for sure is that I liked hangin' out with him…and I'd probably let him kiss me if he wanted…ya know, just to see what it felt like cuz I don't know…his lips looked really soft…and the way that tongue would go wild when he was cussin' in Spanish made me wonder how it'd feel on my…_

_The sound of the front door slammin' brought me from my thoughts and I groaned a low, "God damn it…"_

"_What is he doin' here? Brandon, I've told you that I don't want that boy in my house…he's disgustin' and what're people gonna think bout you and him bein' alone together in this house all the time, huh? Are you some faggot now too?"_

_Angel was shoving his books into his book bag and preparin' to run, while mumbling under his breath in Spanish that she was a stupid, dirty old bitch that needed a stiff cock up __**her **__ass so she'd quit being so hateful all the time…_

_I couldn't help it…it made me laugh._

_Mama looked at me like I was crazy as she started yellin' again but all I could see was him smirkin' at me before he threw his backpack on his shoulder and took off._

_I just ignored mama and went to my room, locking the door behind me before I jumped out the window and took off runnin' to the front of the house._

_He was just down the sidewalk a little ways so I hollered out, "Angel, you son of a bitch, don't make me run!"_

_I heard him laugh as he turned around and put his hand on his hip, "I thought white boys could run forever…oh wait, that's my people…"_

_Once I caught up to him, I just smiled cuz…well I just couldn't stop myself._

_He smirked up at me while he twirled his hair, "As a matter of fact, white boys can't jump either…what is it that you white boys do?"_

_I just shrugged as I shoved my hands in my pockets and grinned, "Well, I don't know bout other white boys but I've been told that I'm really…__**really **__good at a couple other things…"_

_He bit his lip as he smiled then mumbled, "Mmm…I bet you are…"_

_It was at that exact moment that those funny little feelin's in my belly…moved on down south and I could feel my face turnin' red so I just started walkin' and soon, he fell in step beside me._

_We walked quietly for a minute till I finally felt like I could talk without sayin' somethin' stupid._

"_Hey, um, I'm sorry bout my mama…she's kind of a bitch…"_

_He just laughed, "Kind of?"_

_I looked down at him and chuckled. He smiled up at me, "What are you doing out here anyway?"_

_Shrugging, I looked away, focusing on the cracks in the street and anything else that would keep me from lookin' at him, "I don't know…figured I'd walk you home…it's pretty dark and this neighborhood ain't safe…"_

_He stopped walking and when I turned to look at him, he was looking past me, "Speaking of…you should go home…you shouldn't be seen with me…"_

_There was a group of guys walking down the middle of the street, but I knew who they were and more important…they knew who I was._

_So I just smiled, "C'mon, man…"_

_He still stood there for a moment before letting out a breath and walking again beside me, visibly shaking. When the boys got a little closer, he whispered, "Aren't you worried about those guys?"_

_They were starin' at us hard so I just stared right back with a smartass grin and said loud enough for them to hear, "Fuck those guys."_

_They looked like they wanted to say somethin' but they knew better of it. It was well known in my neighborhood that you shouldn't fuck with me. I was bigger than most the grown boys and I just didn't give a fuck._

_I mean, really, what was the worst that could happen? If someone ended up killin' me they would just be puttin me out of my misery anyway so I didn't care and everyone knew that you just don't fuck with someone that don't care if they live or die. _

The sound of a train honkin it's horn as it crossed the tracks, brought me back to the here and now…

It was still hard to believe how stupid I was as a kid…

I mean, I'm still pretty ignorant but I was flat out dumb back then. There were so many times when my anger got outta control and I coulda easily went just a little bit further and killed somebody.

I knew plenty of lifers in prison and lemme tell ya…them boys don't give a fuck. They'd kill someone in a heartbeat just cuz they was bored that day or somebody paid 'em. But I guess when you want someone dead, they got their uses.

_And if I woulda known then what I know now bout them boys…I woulda killed 'em all right where they stood._

It was already past 7am so I finally lugged my ass outta the truck and shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked across the cemetery. I ain't never stopped but I've driven past this place a hundred times…hell, it's only a few blocks from where I'm stayin.

Luckily, there wasn't no one around cuz I could feel my heart beatin' faster and faster with every step closer to him. I focused on everything else…the sound of the squishy damp grass underneath my shoes from the mornin' dew…the different headstones that I passed…anythin' else till I finally stopped and took a deep breath.

I didn't wanna face this…didn't wanna look down and see his name on the stone slab at my feet…

My eyes were already stingin' so I just squeezed them shut and took a few more breaths. Once I got myself together, I wiped the tears away and bent down.

Biting my lip hard to keep from screamin', I brushed the fresh cut grass away from embossed name on the headstone. Then I fell to my knees as the tears just rolled down my cheeks.

For a little while, I just knelt there and cried cuz I hadn't really had a good hard cry about him and I really fuckin needed it. I was locked up when I heard about him hangin' himself and I didn't believe it, till I saw it on the news that night during TV time at the Juvie. I cried in my bed that night but even then, I had to keep it down so no one else would hear me.

He was only 17 and the strongest boy I'd ever known…all I could think about was what had those bastards done to break him cuz my Angel woulda never took his own life…my Angel was smart and sweet and wanted to move to California and become a school teacher one day…he was better than this shit…

There was part of me that didn't believe he killed himself but that some other boys did it and the town covered it up…maybe their way of gettin' revenge for their precious boys that were servin time with me for hurtin him.

But then another part of me knew that Angel had tried to kill himself before so maybe he did…

_I was 16 and had been livin' on the streets for the past year, not countin' the five months I was in Juvie for possession of narcotics._

_Every time I got locked up, mama would come to all the hearings and shit just to tell them that what a burden on society I really was and that I ain't been nothin' but trouble my whole life. It didn't really matter what I said so I wouldn't say nothin…I'd just sit there with a sneer on my face remembering all the times that drunk bitch slapped me or called me a bastard…all the times she'd be high and fuckin' some random dirty mother fucker on the livin' room couch when I'd get home from school…and how she pretty much ignored me my whole life unless it was to make me feel bad or stupid…_

_Mama didn't love me at all so when she kicked me out at 15, I wasn't all that surprised by it. Living on the streets wasn't really all that much different from living at home cuz I still had to fend for myself._

_But after a year in Houston, and not doin' nothin' but livin day by day…I really missed Jeremiah…and Angel. I only lasted a few weeks in Mission 'fore I hitched to a bigger city where I could actually make a little money and blend in better. _

_Didn't quite work out so great though…_

_I was tired and hungry and just…defeated. Walkin' down an alley, tryin' to find a place to sleep for the night…I saw an old Cutlass parked with the keys still in the ignition. _

_I didn't even think, I just jumped in and took off, laughing as I cut down a few side streets and started barreling down the highway. It was official…I had lost my ever lovin' mind._

_The windows were down and the stereo was blaring and I was just grinnin' like a mad man as I sang along. I don't think I had ever felt so fuckin' free…_

_It took a little while but I finally made it to Jeremiah's house. It was well after midnight and I parked down the street before sneakin' up to his window, cuz it was always open._

_When I got there, that little fucker was asleep butt naked on his bed. I didn't wanna wake him up, especially since he was naked so I figured I'd come back in the mornin'…so I pulled his damn curtain and window shut so he wasn't flashin the whole neighborhood._

_But when I parked down the street from Angel's house, my tummy was all mixed up and I had to sit there a minute to make sure I wouldn't throw up. After a few minutes, I took a breath and snuck up to the side of the house. I had walked him home a couple times so I knew where his window was. _

_He was sleeping in his bed on one side of the room, his little sister and brother in bunk beds on the other side. Tryin' not to wake up the little ones, I knocked softly as I shoved my free hand in my pocket and rocked on my heels._

_I watched his eyes open and shut a few times before finally lookin' over and seein' me. Then they went wide as he jumped from his bed and ran to the window. _

_In a rushed whisper he spoke a hundred miles a minute, "Brandon! Where have you been? Are you okay? I can't believe you're really here…oh my god…you look like shit…"_

_My cheeks were turnin' red as I grinned, "Well thanks, man…"_

_He put his arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug and I melted when I wrapped my arms around him and just breathed him in. _

_He always smelled so good and looked amazin', even in nothin' but sweats and a t-shirt. I chuckled as he whispered, "Fucking crazy white boy…I didn't know if you were dead or alive or locked up somewhere…I missed you…you should take a shower here, I can sneak you into the bathroom and my uncle Hector is staying with us…he's not quite as big as you but I think I can find you some sweats and stuff, okay?"_

_Chuckling, I whispered back, "Are you tellin' me I smell bad?"_

_Pulling away with a smirk, he laughed, "Do I really have to say it?"_

_I shook my head and sighed, "No, I know…"_

_Embarrassed I looked down and shuffled my feet until I felt his soft fingers slidin' along my scruffy chin and saw his head duck down so he could look at me. He smiled and whispered, "Hey…you're still a diamond, baby…we just gotta make you shine…"_

_That made me laugh…he always called me a diamond in the rough cuz his favorite movie was Aladdin._

_I crawled through the window as quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake his brother and sister up and followed him down the short hallway into the bathroom. It was small and cramped with us both in there and he laughed as he turned and bumped into me, "Uh, just wait here a minute, I'll lock the door behind me and go get you some clothes. I'll knock when I come back…"_

"_Wait…how will I know if it's you or not?"_

_He just smirked up at me, "You'll know, now just give me a minute…"_

_Once he left and locked the door, my stomach was in knots. I groaned as I looked in the mirror, I really did look like shit…I looked like a homeless person…which I guess I was. _

_Trying to distract myself, I grabbed the shaving cream on the counter and a razor and decided to at least try and make myself look like a human again. It wasn't the neatest shave but I did feel a little better when I wiped off my clean chin._

_A knock on the door caused my heart to drop, until I heard, "Hey it's me, let me in…"_

_Chuckling, I pulled open the door and let him in fast before locking it again. He laid some clothes on the counter and sighed, "I've got sweatpants, a t-shirt, socks, and underwear but his shoes are way too small…I'm sorry…"_

_Now I reached out and touched his soft cheek, "Hey…thanks, man…"_

_He just smiled, "Well, go ahead and get in, I'll turn around but if I can see you naked in the mirror, then that's just fate and I will not work against fate, Brandon…"_

_I didn't really like for people to see me naked but I knew I needed a shower real fuckin bad so I hurried up and took my clothes off before jumpin' in and pullin' the curtain back._

_I took a deep breath in before slowly letting it all out cuz the hot water felt so fuckin good. I just stood there a minute and enjoyed it cuz god knows when I'd get another one. I mean, I went to the Y sometimes but I hated bein' around that many people._

_Even though I really wanted to stay in longer, I knew I was pushin' it, so I quickly washed up and turned the water off. He handed me a towel through the curtain and I ran it through my hair a few times before dryin' off a little then wrapping it around my waist. _

_When I got out, he turned around again while I got dressed. Luckily, the clothes fit alright and even though I had to put my dirty shoes back on, I still felt a million times better. _

_Turning around, he smiled, "There's my crazy hot white boy…"_

_I grinned but didn't say anything…I wanted to but just could never find the right words…_

"_Do you want to use my tooth brush? I know it's kind of gross to use other people's stuff but…"_

_Looking down at him, I raised my eyebrow and smirked._

_He started giggling, "Oh…right…anyway, here you go…it's fluorescent pink…"_

_I had never laughed while brushing my teeth but I guess there's a first for everything. Once I was done, we snuck back down to his room and sat on his bed. I wanted nothin' more in the world to just curl up behind him and go to sleep but I knew that would never happen so instead I whispered, "Hey, um…wanna get outta here for a few hours? We could drive out to my grandpa's lake…nobody hardly goes out there through the week…"_

_He looked at me with a cocky smirk, "You have a car?"_

_Looking down I shrugged, "Yeah…"_

_His room was dark as his fingers slid along my chin and raised my eyes to his, "Did you steal it?"_

_I knew he was gonna be mad at me but I couldn't lie, "Yeah…so if you don't wanna go…"_

"_Wait outside my window, give me five minutes, okay?"_

_I couldn't help the grin that came to my face._

_I crawled back outside his window and waited until he joined me, carrying a bag. I smiled as we started walkin down the street to the car, "We're not runnin' away, Angel…you got school…"_

_He just smiled sweetly up at me, "It's not my clothes, mi loco güero…it's food…your tummy keeps growling…"_

_Embarrassment flooded me again as my whole face heated up. His soft fingers brushed mine as we walked and I wanted to grab his hand…but I didn't._

_We had already kissed a few times but he was always the one that initiated it…and the last time we kissed…my mama walked in to find me holdin him up against the hallway wall, his legs wrapped around my waist as we were kissin hot and heavy on the way to my bedroom…we were so into it, we didn't hear her car pull up early. _

_Not that I would've known what to do with him when we did get to my room…I mean, I kinda knew what to do but I had never done that with a boy before…_

_But he ran out and mama kicked me out shortly after that. I hadn't seen him since…half outta embarrassment for how I was livin' and half outta fear of what I might do if I stayed too close to him._

_Cuz I knew I was goin' down and I didn't wanna take him with me…but I couldn't stay away from him._

_We got in the car and started off towards the lake. He smiled over at me with his bare feet up on the dash, "I should be yelling at you…but I think I'll just let it go for now because I'm having way too much fun…"_

_I grinned back and flipped on the CD player, he jumped in his seat and started bouncing, "Oh I love this song! Turn that song and lose an arm, mi' loco güero…"_

_Raising up my hands, I laughed, "Okay, Angel…don't hurt me…"_

_He just ignored me as he closed his eyes and began singing Hotel California and dancin' in his seat. _

_I could barely take my eyes off of him and it was then that I noticed the long red scars on his wrists as he played with his hair._

_It felt like my chest was caving in as I grabbed his arm and his eyes snapped open. _

"_What the fuck is this, Angel?"_

_Pulling the car off to the side of the dirt road, he yanked his arm back and furrowed his brows, "You don't get to judge me, Brandon…"_

_My heart was pounding and I just screamed at him, "Bullshit I can't! What the fuck, man? Did you try and kill yourself?"_

_Then he was up on his knees, screaming back at me, "You left! I didn't know whether you were alive and just didn't wanna see me or if you were lying in a fucking ditch somewhere or locked up for life this time!"_

_I had never been more pissed off in my life, "So you slit your god damn wrists? That ain't no way to deal with shit, man…"_

"_No, well maybe I should sell drugs and steal cars, hmm? Is that a better way of dealing, Brandon? Maybe I should just get real good and fucked up and blow my fucking brains out in the middle of town square because the townsfolk would just love that! They'd have a god damn parade! The faggot finally finished the job for us, hooray! You don't get it! It doesn't matter if I ignore them…they make their presence known and they push and pull and pick at me until I'm left open and bleeding anyway and I just can't…I can't…"_

_For the first time, I reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into my arms as he sobbed, "I can't take it…sometimes I don't want to try anymore…I'm so tired…"_

_Holdin' onto him probably tighter than I should, I whispered, "I know, man…I know, I'm tired too but you can't…you just can't do that, okay? Promise me that you won't ever do that again…"_

_He looked up from my chest and sniffled, "Promise me that you won't do anything else illegal?"_

_Letting out a breath, I shook my head, "I can't promise that…you don't understand, Angel…I got a ninth grade education and I can't get a job…I've tried a million times…it's the only way I know how to live…"_

_He pulled away and whispered, "Well, I can't promise you either because you don't understand what it's like to be the only __**out **__boy in a whole god damn town of people who want nothing more than to watch you hang…I'm stuck there and I can't escape it…so how about you don't judge me and I won't judge you, okay? We don't know if or when we'll ever see each other again so let's just enjoy this night…please…"_

_My hands were shaking as I took a deep breath and flipped the music back on, "Okay…sing your song, Angel…"_

_I didn't know what to do. I felt sick and I wanted to just keep him and run away somewhere…but he still had two years of school left and I knew I'd probably end back up in jail before too long…I didn't wanna fuck up his future…if he stuck around long enough to have one._

_He smiled and closed his eyes again, swaying softly this time as he sang, "On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair…warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air…"_

_I just watched him, lost in his own little world until his eyes opened and he smirked at me while singing, "His mind is tiffany-twisted, he's got the mercedes benz…he's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that he calls friends…"_

_I laughed as he winked and grabbed my hand, tryin' to get me to sway with him in his seat, "How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. Some dance to remember, some dance to forget…"_

_Wanting to make him happy, I smiled back and swayed along with him as we both sang like two crazy boys, "And she said 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device…and in the master's chambers, they gathered for the feast…They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast…"_The sound of a car drivin' by with their music blarin' brought me back this time and I had to shake the memory away of his voice singin' to me cuz I could still hear it in my head…

_I shoulda been there to protect him either way…but I wasn't…I just…fuckin left him all alone again…it's all my fault…_

I was choking on sobs, guess once the dam broke open all bets were off. My fingers were shaking as I traced his name, 'Angel Gabriel Ramirez'…

"Shit…I can't…I'm sorry…"

I couldn't do this…it felt like my chest was cavin' in and I couldn't breathe…so I ran back to my truck and jumped in, shutting and locking the door behind me, like that would keep his memory out.

Gasping to try and breathe again, the tears wouldn't stop as I just laid my head on my arms across my steering wheel and cried some more. I didn't think I was ever gonna stop now that I started.

But the more I cried, the more the guilt and anger just seemed to build until I finally screamed out and hit the dashboard before jumping back outta my truck and stomping over to his grave.

I was pissed and I rasped out, "What the fuck, man? Four months! I had four fuckin months till I was out! I woulda fuckin come back for you! You stupid son of a bitch! Why the fuck would do that? You coulda held out…you knew…_fuck_…"

Dropping to my knees, I was suddenly exhausted as I just whispered, "You knew how I felt about you…even if I couldn't say it…still can't, but I…god, I just fuckin miss you, man…I ain't seen you in ten years and I still think about you every fuckin day…but you ain't ever comin' back…and I can't stop thinking about you so what the fuck am I gonna do now? I'm just so fucked up, Angel…I wish like hell I woulda listened to you all them years ago cuz I'd give anything to hear you callin' me a loco güero right now…"

I heard a couple of cars pulling into the cemetery and I sighed, "I gotta go, man…but I'll be back…I swear I'm comin back, okay?"

Pulling myself up from the grass, I sniffled a few times before finally walking away…not really feeling any better about anything.

I went back to my place and just holed up for the rest of the day, lyin' on the couch and just listenin' to music…I had other shit I should've done but I couldn't bring myself to get off the couch.

I didn't even notice it gettin' dark outside, till my phone rang. Picking it up off the coffee table, I tried to put on a happy face, "What up, Cuz?"

Jeremiah laughed, "Dude, we're gonna be at your house in like half an hour…"

That caused me to get my ass in gear and I jumped up, takin' another shower cuz I felt like shit from cryin' all morning…that was a plus of bein' outta prison, I could take all the showers I wanted, whenever I wanted…

I yanked on my nicest jeans, which were still pretty shitty but it didn't really matter since it was just my cousins and a few of their friends. Pulling on a gray t-shirt, I ran my hands through my crazy hair. I really probably needed a haircut cuz my hair was gettin' pretty shaggy but it was too late for that. I didn't put on shoes cuz I didn't plan on goin' nowhere.

My tummy was really all messed up by the time I heard the cars pull up. I hated meetin' new people…I was always afraid I was gonna say or do somethin' stupid…

Standing at the door and takin' a few breaths, I pulled it open and genuinely smiled when I saw Jeremiah. He looked good, bein' a daddy definitely agreed with him. Then when Suzie and Jay both run up and threw their arms around me, I had to take another breath cuz they had both been little bitty the last time I seen them. Jay was damn near as tall as me now. He was strong and looked really, really happy. And Suzie was a damn woman now.

_Fuck I missed out on everythin'…_

I heard a little yelp and looked over just in time to see a little guy fallin' down on the sidewalk to his knees.

I didn't think, I just ran over and bent down, touchin' his arm and askin' him if he was okay.

All I saw was the top of his head, thick black hair that was wavy and curled up at the ends right underneath his ears…and then when he looked up, he had the prettiest eyes I think I've ever seen…kind of like a caramel color that really set off that dark hair and tanned skin…

_Fuckin' gorgeous…_

He just stared at me for a minute before mumbling, ""Uh…I'm fine…just a little embarrassed…"

His voice was really soft and sweet and I couldn't help but grin and tell him he shouldn't be embarrassed. Then I wrapped an arm around him and helped him to his feet.

Normally I would've never been the first one to touch someone I didn't know but he was just so little…and then as I was pullin' him up, the wind blew and I caught the scent of his hair and I couldn't, for the life of me, stop myself from closing my eyes and just breathing it in…he smelled like cocoa butter and I fuckin' loved it. It just kinda relaxed me and I let out a deep content sigh. Once he got to his feet, I noticed he was really, really short…compared to me anyway. He couldn't have been more than 5'8 or 5'9...he was kind of adorable…it was then that I realized this was probably my cousin's husband.

_Please don't be Edward…please don't be Edward…_

His dark cheeks flushed pink and he let out a breathless little laugh, "I fell…I just…I'm such a klutz…"

_Oh God __**please**__…please don't be Edward…please don't be Edward…_

Once he was steady, I tucked my hair, that I now wish I had gotten cut, behind my ear and grinned, ""Well, that's the thing about fallin'…you don't even know it's happenin' till it's too late to stop it, so all you can really do is brace yourself and hope for the best…I'm Brandon, by the way…"

_Please don't be Edward…please don't be Edward…_

He smiled back, "Um…Brady…"

_Yes! Not Edward! Shit! Stop grinnin' like the town idiot…_

But I couldn't stop myself, so I shook his hand and just barely brushed his long, soft fingers, while offering him a beer to help get the sting out cuz I knew his palms were all scraped up.

He accepted and Suzie was draggin' him off to sit on the porch while Jay introduced me to a cute, redheaded boy with pretty green eyes.

I figured it was okay for me to know that some guys were really cute cuz Jeremiah said once that all guys knew whether another guy looked good or not…

"Brandon, this is my baby boy, Eddie…"

I laughed and Edward blushed as he held out his hand, "Nice to finally meet you, Brandon."

Shaking his hand, I smiled, "I shoulda known you'd be a redhead…Jay's always had a thing for them…"

Now Jasper laughed, "Dude, I was 11 years old…"

Edward just smiled and raised an eyebrow to his husband, "Oh really? Who was she?"

Jeremiah came over and threw his arm around Edward and smiled, "Her name was Lisa and she chased him that whole summer but he wouldn't give her the time of day…until she dyed her hair dark red…then he banged her…"

Edward's mouth dropped open and Jay held up his hands and laughed, "Eddie, I did not bang her I swear…but I did let her touch on my dick a little bit…"

Everyone was laughing as Edward rolled his eyes, "You're so lucky I love you…"

Jay smiled and nudged his shoulder, "I know, I'm the luckiest son of a bitch in the world cuz I got you, baby."

Edward blushed again and nudged him back.

_Aww…they're really kinda cute…_

I don't think I had ever seen two people look at each other the way they did…

Jeremiah brought me outta my thoughts as he introduced me to a really short girl, even shorter than Brady with pretty black hair and probably one of the cutest little faces I had ever seen.

"Hi Brandon, it's so nice to finally meet you. Jeremiah talks about you all the time and wow, I can't believe how much you boys all look alike. And oh my God, I can't wait for you to see JJ, he looks just like his daddy, definitely one of the Whitlock boys for sure…"

_I swear I would pass out if I tried to talk that fast in one breath…_

Jeremiah grinned as he put his arm around her, "This is Alice…the only other person in the world that talks as much as I do…"

She elbowed him in the ribs and faked a hurt expression as he just smiled, "Aww, you know I love it, baby girl…"

Next, Jeremiah introduced me to a big guy, almost as big as me with a gorgeous blonde woman on his arm.

"This is Emmett and Rosalie, they're the ones who have the little boy, Em J, that I'm always talkin' about…"

I shook hands with Emmett and he had a nice, firm grip and a friendly smile so he seemed alright. Rosalie had a pretty smile too.

Trying to be a good host, I offered them all beers, Rosalie being the only one to say no thanks. I was only gonna have one cuz I knew I'd probably get piss tested when I had to see my parole officer in a few days.

I asked about 'the boys' and Jay told me that they were with Edward's mom and dad and that I'd get to see them tomorrow. From what him and Jeremiah told me about Edward's parents, they seemed like two real good people and I was grateful my cousins had some decent grown ups to look up to cuz Lord knows I had fucked up awful bad.

Jeremiah and Jay started cuttin' up, talkin bout the old days when we was kids…but I had an advantage cuz I remembered stuff they didn't…so I told a few good stories of Jeremiah as a baby always pullin his diaper off and takin' off runnin and Jay when he was four and woke up with a boner, he told his daddy that it was his Spidey senses tingling…but as I was talkin', I couldn't help but notice that Brady kid hugged all up with Suzie.

It just didn't seem right cuz I coulda swore he was…ya know, gay. But they were hangin all over each other so then I figured maybe he was just one of those guys that looked a little feminine but still dated girls…I mean, if someone like Jay (and maybe possibly me a little bit) was gay then I guess someone like Brady could be straight.

_Damn…I'm even more fuckin confused now…_

But then as the night wore on and we moved inside the house to just talk and listen to music, I noticed that Brady kinda cuddled up with everyone.

Jay was sittin' on the floor with his back against the wall and Eddie cuddled up to him on one side and Brady on the other. The two smaller boys just talked quietly to each other while Jay and Emmett were talkin like it was no big deal. Suzie was cuddled up next to Brady, asleep with her head on his shoulder.

And Emmett was sittin on the other side of Suzie, with Rosalie cuddled up to him and Alice lying on the floor with her head in Rose's lap. Jeremiah was sittin' next to me on the couch but playin' with Alice's feet as we all talked…well they talked, I mostly listened and watched.

I ain't never seen people cuddle this much in my whole damn 25 years on this earth…

And the way they just all talked so easily and got along so well it just seemed like they was all little pieces of a big ol' jigsaw puzzle and they didn't work right unless they were all together.

It was the craziest damn thing I ever seen…but probably the coolest too.

Seein' all of them together made me wish I had someone to cuddle up with…

Later on that night, Edward was asleep on Jay's lap and Brady had moved on to cuddle up with Emmett.

I wondered if he was, like, dating any of them…or maybe they were just all swingers or somethin…

_Nah…I know my cousins are way too territorial to share…_

I just couldn't figure it out. Emmett was straight but didn't seem to mind havin' Brady all hugged up on his side…

And Jeremiah kept flirtin' with him all night…and well, with Eddie…and Alice…and Rosalie…hell, with everyone but his blood relatives and Emmett…

Eventually, it was really late and people were starting to crash so Rosalie was gonna drive her, Emmett, Jay, and Edward back to the hotel and the rest were gonna just crash here.

Suzie was already asleep on the couch so I offered Jeremiah and Alice my bed…I figured maybe if I slept down here on the floor and gave Brady the loveseat, I might get a chance to actually talk to him alone cuz I did better one on one than in a big group.

He had drank a few beers and he was a little tipsy so I figured he might fall asleep really soon before I had a chance to talk to him.

So I was quick to run upstairs to grab them some blankets and a pillow.

I kind of expected him to be asleep 'fore I even made it back down the stairs to the living room, but when I got to the bottom, I stopped and dropped everything I was holdin' as I watched him.

Stevie Nicks was playin' on the radio and he was standin there with his eyes closed, hips swayin' while he sang his little drunk heart out into the empty beer bottle…

"I am dealing with a man…when away from me stays deep inside my heart…and he says if anyone falls in love…It will be one of us…"

All of a sudden I was scared shitless cuz I had only one thought…one word in my head that kept ringin' loud and clear…

_Mine…_

And I only really had one rule that I always lived by…don't fuck with mine.

**A/N: So I hope you enjoyed getting a peek inside this Whitlock boys head!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I need to thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing and alerting this story. I was skeptical since it wasn't an E/J story that anyone would even follow it so I am absolutely thrilled that so many of you seem excited about it. I'm really excited about it and having so much fun writing these two.**

**So, big thanks to my homegirl, Maria for all the B&B love…**

**Enjoy!**

**Brady's POV**

"God, can you believe how gorgeous he is?"

Edward chuckled and whispered back across Jay's stomach, "I know, those damn Whitlock boys are all much too good looking…"

"What do you think his tattoos say, and more importantly, do you think he has them _all _over his body? Or piercings maybe?"

He was giggling hard as he shrugged, "I don't know but it's nice to have you back, Pervy…it's been awhile…"

I sighed as I glanced over at the beautiful hunk of man, sitting on the couch. He had the most adorable confused expression on his face as he seemed to watch us all so intently. I wasn't sure what was causing it and he had been so quiet all night, except for the occasional childhood story of Jay, Suzie, or Jeremiah…never about himself though.

Turning back, I smiled, "I just can't help it…he's like…Spartacus…"

"The loin cloth, slave boy fantasy?"

Now I giggled and smacked his chest, "I'm not the only perv…"

His cheeks stained pink as he whispered, "I can't help it either…there's something about Jay calling me 'Dominus' that drives me crazy…er, crazier, I guess…"

Now Jay smiled down at him as he broke away from his conversation with Emmett and gave him a wink as he whispered out in that sexy southern drawl, "Yes, Dominus…"

Edward hissed lowly, "Shit…"

And I knew that look, so I diverted my attention so they could have their moment to suck each other's faces off…those two could barely keep their hands off each other. I mean, they did pretty good in public, keeping it to a minimum but behind closed doors, all bets were off.

Chancing a glance back at Brandon, he was staring at Jay and Eddie now as they kissed…his head cocked to the side like a curious puppy. Surely he had seen boys get it on before…I mean, I watched the Oz reruns on HBO…I know what goes down…

_Hmm…I can't believe I'm saying this but I bet he would look so hot in an orange jumpsuit, with the chest opened up so I could see his golden tanned skin…handcuffed and on his knees…oh, I would __**so **__be wearing shiny, black thigh high boots, and a little matching black cop hat…and big, black sunglasses…yes, that's perfect and he would be leaning forward and running that pink tongue up the side of my boot while I ran my long, thick night stick up and down his hard chest…_

_Fuck yeah…_

_Shit, think of something else, Brady…do not pop wood in front of the beautiful straight boy…_

Trying to keep the dirty images out of my head, I scanned the living room until my eyes landed on a cluster of pictures on a little side table.

_Oh, that's a nice picture…they were all so cute…_

There were a few of all the boys and Suzie as kids…and some of him and Jeremiah as teenagers…there was one of a young man holding a baby all wrapped up in a worn blue baby blanket and I could see the resemblance and knew that it was a Whitlock, possibly his father…there was also some of JJ and even Eddie and Jay's wedding picture.

_So he seems to be okay with Jay being gay…I wonder why he looks so confused…at least he doesn't look disgusted by it…more curious than anything really._

Other than those few pictures, the walls were bare white and worn, as was the few old pieces of furniture…it was scarce, to say the least and I felt my mood edge it's way back down as I thought of how depressing it must be to live in this house with no color and nothing pretty to look at but a few scattered pictures…

It was kind of like he hadn't left the prison at all.

_God, this place is screaming for a drastic makeover…a little paint, some new curtains and pictures…maybe some pretty slip covers for the couch and loveseat…and candles…he definitely needs some pretty smelling candles…_

I face palm myself as I now tried to reign in my thoughts about redecorating the poor boy's house like something out of Vogue magazine…

_Straight men don't like candles and pretty colors you idiot…__**straight**__…the man is straight…damn it…I need another beer…ooh, and to pee…_

I wiggle my way out from Jay's arm and Suzie's head on my shoulder, placing her over on Jay's shoulder as I try to get to my feet.

_Steady…steady, Brady…do __**not **__fall again…_

I take a moment to make sure I'm sure footed before clearing my throat and asking, "Um, where's the bathroom?"

His eyes raise to mine and he breaks out into a gorgeous grin, "Uh, top of the stairs, door to the right…you gonna make it up them stairs alright, man?"

_Oh I should be fine, sweetheart, but I could use some help holding my enormous penis, if you're offering…_

I giggle to myself and then nod my head, "Um, yeah, I'll be fine."

I manage to make it up the narrow staircase and locate the bathroom easily, since there's only two rooms at the top of the stairs. Flipping on the lights, I squint for a moment as the brightness of the white walls blind me.

Finally, when my vision stops blurring, I take a look at myself in the mirror and groan. I really look like shit today with the plane ride and the car and now the drinking. Running my fingers through my hair a few times to try and make it look presentable again, I sigh and give up soon after because really, what's the point?

The feeling of hopelessness crept up my spine and the loneliness drowned me again as I thought of my reality…I was a very plain boy surrounded by beautiful people that I could never compete with…I tried to stay in a fantasy world where I was brave and adored and fabulous because in the real world, I was none of those things…in the real world, no man ever wanted me and apparently I'm a lousy lay, as well…

_God, stop with the pity party, Brady…you're lucky to have such good friends…you're lucky anyone actually likes you at all…_

Wiping at my eyes, I cursed my damn contacts as they stung but I shook the bad thoughts away and squared off my shoulders, whispering to myself, "You are the fairest princess in all the land…adored and loved by all…smart and beautiful and good…"

After my little chat with myself, I get it together and try to put the happy face back on. I quickly use the restroom and carefully make my way down the stairs again. As I pass the small kitchen, I see Brandon standing there in front of the open fridge with a couple of beers in his hand, that little white light illuminating his face. I notice that his eyes are closed and he's whispering to himself but I can't make out what it is. Not wanting to disrupt him, I quietly walk past the doorway to the living room…I know I hate it when people catch me talking to myself.

Once I make it back to the living room, Eddie is on Jay's lap and Suzie has moved to sleep on the couch. Jeremiah is now sitting on the floor with his back against it as Alice sits between his legs, her back to his chest.

I sigh as I feel left out again.

But then Emmett raises his arm and nods his head, "Come on, man…"

I love Emmett…he's such a good friend to me. Most straight boys would never let me cuddle with them…even Jeremiah who flirted a lot and would playfully touch me but only cuddled with me once when one of my other options wasn't available.

But Emmett was different. He knew of my irrational fears about touch…I just, needed it…it didn't have to be something sexually charged or anything like that…I just needed to feel that there was somebody there with me…

I blamed it on my parents who felt that simple touches, like hugs or kisses, would only make me more gay…they acted like they were afraid to touch me…to hold me when I cried or hurt myself…

Emmett, though, he was a big ol' teddy bear. He said his mom kept him cocooned in hugs until she passed away and his dad was not a touchy feely person so he missed it…just having someone touch you so that you know you're real…he never minded hugging me or letting me cuddle up to him…

It was still kind of amazing to me that someone as big, strong, and manly as him could be such a softie sometimes.

But it was one of the things I adored most about him.

I let out a breath and smiled as I sat down and cuddled up underneath his arm, "Thanks, Em."

He just tousled my hair with a grin and turned back to continue his conversation. A moment later, Brandon returned and gave out the beers he was holding before sitting and watching all of us with that lost, little puppy dog look again.

I suppose we were rather odd to the onlookers who didn't know us…we were all so different, came from different kinds of parents and backgrounds, yet somehow…we just all fit.

We each had strengths and weaknesses and they all seemed to bring us together…like as a family. Really, they were the only family I had along with Carlisle, Esme, and Peter. I hadn't even talked to Jacob or Uncle Billy since I moved out to Seattle.

Drowning my sorrows in gross bitter beer, I got lost in the music playing on the old stereo system he had. They had been listening to classic rock all night and for some reason, probably the beer, I was really enjoying it. I had never been much of a classic rock fan until I moved in with Alice. She loved it because it reminded her of being a little kid and watching her parents sing and dance around their house together. Stevie Nicks was her favorite female singer and every Sunday morning, she would crank her music and we would clean our apartment while singing and dancing around like fools.

It was always a lot of fun and I was so happy to finally have a real 'home' of my own, instead of jumping from pillar to post. Living with Uncle Billy never really felt like a home, I mean, I was very grateful that he let me sleep on the couch and fed me but him and Jacob never really spent any time with me and I always felt like a drifter.

Sophomore year when Em gave me a drawer at his house and part of the closet, it was the happiest I had been for a long time. I was so devastated when he and Rosalie moved to Seattle and I was back at Uncle Billy's house most of the time. But I was happy for him because he and Rosalie were so happy together and little Em J has been such a blessing.

I really liked being Uncle Brady and I vowed that I would be a much better uncle than mine were.

I spent the rest of the evening, drinking and thinking, which is never a good combination…but I had come to one definite conclusion, it was my spring break and it had been a hard year so far, so I was just going to let loose and have fun…and try very, very hard to be happy.

By the time everyone had left and Alice and Jeremiah had retired to the upstairs bedroom (which she had better give me play-by-play details tomorrow), I realized that with Suzie passed out on the couch…that left me alone with Brandon…

_Well…shit…_

I have time to try and get my thoughts together, while he runs upstairs for pillows and blankets, so that I don't say something stupid…if he actually tries to speak to me anyway…

_But why would he…we're complete opposites and oh my God, what if he thinks I'm some kind of cheap slut, all cuddled up with everyone tonight…no wonder the poor boy has been so confused all evening…he thinks I'm a whore…oooh, Stevie…_

Thank God for Stevie Nicks…her voice came through the stereo and made me think of Alice…

Alice always made me think of little stoner hippie chicks, with flowers in their hair and dancing barefoot carelessly, oblivious to the world around them.

It makes me giggle as I down the last of my delicious brew and then start singing to the empty bottle. Because I'm on spring break and that means, I sing when I want to sing.

I embrace the spirit of the short, sassy diva…much like my forefathers and all of their 'Spirit of the Wolf' stuff…

Not trusting my feet too much, I sway back and forth to the music, closing my eyes and letting it take me to a stage where thousands of people are there to see me…just me. Once the song is over, I giggle and bow to my fantasy audience, "Thank you…you're too kind…I love you too…"

And then I hear a soft, suppressed laugh behind me and suddenly my fantasy stage disappears, along with my legion of adoring fans as I turn and see Brandon standing at the bottom of the stairs, blankets and pillows dropped to the floor.

I gasp and the shock causes me to twist my ankle as I'm turning and once again, I'm down on the ground.

_Oh my god! How long was he standing there? Long enough to see me sing a girl song to an imaginary legion of adoring fans…_

But then he's on his knees in front of me, his hand on my knee as he looks at me with wide, pale blue eyes, "Are you okay?"

I should be bursting into flames by the feel of my face as I laugh nervously, "Oh yes…I'm fine, I told you I was a klutz…"

He slides his hand down my leg to my ankle and I'm cursing these damn jeans from denying me the pleasure of his skin against mine. Gently his gives it a squeeze, "Are you sure you didn't…"

Then I can feel the burn in it as I instinctively reach out and smack his shoulder while I let out a yelp, "Ouch!"

My hands fly to my mouth as my eyes go wide and he looks at me shocked for a moment before he starts laughing. I breathe out, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hit you, it was instinctive because my ankle hurts and…"

He's still chuckling as his blue eyes sparkle, "You're a feisty little thing, huh?"

My whole body is on fire but I manage a breathless laugh, "You have to be a little feisty to live my life and survive this far in tact…"

Still grinning, he chuckles, "Well, if I try to pick you up and carry you in the kitchen to get a better look at that ankle, are you gonna beat me up again?"

And for some reason, the embarrassment kind of flitters away and I find myself laughing for real as I shake my head, "I'll try to reign myself in…you know my hands are considered lethal in 7 states…"

He chuckles as he slips his arms underneath my legs and around my back, picking me up easily, "For some reason, I don't doubt that, Brady…"

_I love the sound of my name in that sweet, southern drawl and from those pretty pink lips…_

The feeling of being in his big arms and cuddled into his strong chest are more intoxicating than any of the alcohol I've had tonight and I find myself breathing in his scent…he smelled like fresh cut grass and it took me to a happy place…

He flips on the kitchen light with his shoulder and sets me on the cold countertop and I hate how he takes the warmth with him as he pulls away. His hands are on my leg again and I will myself not to get a boner in this jeans because they are way too tight.

But then he's pushing the bottom of my jeans leg up very gently as he takes my ankle in his hand again, "Does it still hurt?"

My fingers are now gripping the countertop as the sting in my ankle is overwrought by full body goosebumps that erupt everywhere while his bare fingers gingerly brush over my skin.

"Uh…a little…"

He's staring at my ankle as he begins untying my shoe, "I'm gonna take this off so I can get a better look, okay?"

Then he looks up at me and grins, "You promise not to hurt me, right?"

Some of the tension eases as I smile back, "If you promise not to hurt me."

He's still grinning as he slowly slips my shoe off and my knuckles are turning white from my death grip on the counter because the feel of his strong calloused fingers gently rolling down my sock is causing me to feel a little lightheaded. My eyes close and I have to bite my lip to keep from groaning.

_It's just too much alcohol…there's no way it feels that good…this is not foreplay…_

But my heart is racing and my breaths become more shallow as he slides the sock off and holds my foot so gently in his big, strong hands as if it's made of glass and he's terrified of breaking me.

Brushing his thumb over my toes, my eyes open and now I can't suppress the groan but this time it's from embarrassment as I look down and remember that I let Suzie paint my toenails this morning. And not just one color, no…each one was a different color…red, blue, pink, purple, and green.

I'm waiting for a remark about how girly I am or how gay…but instead he brushes his thumb over them again and grins up at me, "How come they're all different colors? Ain't they supposed to be just one?"

That was not a question I was expecting so now I'm the one looking at him curiously for a moment before letting out a breath, "Um…I just…don't feel it's fair to choose one color…I like them all…"

Looking back down at my foot and still running his thumb along my toes, he's still grinning, "That makes sense…I don't really have a favorite either, I kinda like 'em all too…"

Then he laughs as he just stands there, marveling at my foot, "You've got the tiniest little feet…"

Now I'm grinning as I start to relax, "Maybe that's why I fall all the time…"

His eyes raise to mine and I'm growing awfully fond of that sweet dimpled grin, "Well, I guess it's a good thing that you're already so close to the ground then…"

My eyes go wide before I start laughing, "Was that a short joke?"

It hasn't escaped my attention that he's still holding my foot.

"Yeah, was it a good one?"

I nod my head and smile, "Not bad…"

But then his hand slides up to my ankle and I let out a small squeak but it's not too bad this time. He's looking at my ankle, brushing his fingers over it as he sighs, "I don't think you twisted it, just turned a little too fast…sorry if I scared you…"

Shrugging my shoulders, I sigh, "It's not your fault…"

We're both quiet for a moment before he turns and grabs a bag of pizza rolls out of his freezer and places them on my ankle. Then he smiles at me again as he holds them there, "Sorry, it's all I got…I don't cook much…"

I laugh and can feel my cheeks heating up for some reason, "It's okay…thank you, Brandon…"

He just gives me a small smile before returning his attention to my ankle. Brandon is very different than what I thought he'd be. I guess I imagined a big, tough man hardened by the penal system…

I fight off the urge to giggle but barely. He just seems so…sweet…kind…caring. I suppose it shouldn't have been such a surprise considering his cousins were some of the sweetest, most compassionate people I had ever known but it still was.

"So, um…you like Stevie Nicks?"

His soft, southern drawl brought me back and I smiled, "Yes, she's Alice's favorite actually. We usually listen to her on Sunday's while we're cleaning our apartment…"

That confused look came back again as he scratched at his hair before tucking it behind his ear, "You live with Alice?"

I nodded, "Mmm, and Suzie is going to move in with us after she graduates this year."

His pale blue eyes went wide again as he whispered, "You're gonna be livin' with both of them?"

I couldn't understand what was confusing him about that so I just nodded again, "Um, yeah?"

"I thought that Jeremiah liked Alice?"

Furrowing my brows, I took a breath, "He does…and Alice likes him so…"

_I'm not understanding what the problem is, Brandon…fill me in here… _

He leaned closer and whispered, "What about Suzie? Don't she have a problem with you and Alice living together?"

_What in the hell is he…_

_Oh. My. God._

_He thinks I'm straight and dating Suzie! How in the hell does he think I'm straight? I've never had someone make that mistake before…what do I say? What if he's only been being so sweet and touchy with me because he thinks I'm straight? What if he freaks out when I tell him I'm gay? _

_Shit!_

My whole body is burning in embarrassment as I look down at the floor with wide eyes and I can barely hear my own voice as I rasp out, "Suzie and I aren't…um…we're just friends…I'm, um…I don't like girls…"

_God, quit being so pathetic, Brady…raise your head and say the damn words…you know who you are…don't be ashamed…_

Now I channeled my inner Suzie as the words she spent the last few years telling me over and over again rung clear in my mind. I lifted my eyes to his and took a breath, "I like boys, Brandon…I'm gay."

Once again, I sit, ready to face rejection when I'm met with another dimpled grin and what sounds like a sigh of relief, "Oh thank God cuz you wouldn't believe the things I was workin up in my mind bout all of ya'll…"

And I was genuinely laughing again, "Oh my God, did you think we were swingers or something?"

His cheeks are red now as he starts laughing, but he's never let go of my foot…

"It crossed my mind…"

Now I smack his arm again and chuckle, "Did you seriously think I was straight?"

He looks down with flushed cheeks and a sweet grin, "I wasn't for sure…"

I look off into the distance as I muse, "No one's ever mistook me for straight before…I always figured it was pretty obvious, I mean look at me…"

Now his pretty eyes raise to mine and his cheeks blush darker as he grins, "I _am _lookin' at you…"

For some reason, my heart flutters and I begin to blush as I look away, unable to keep looking into those eyes for fear of…well, falling…

_He's not flirting with you, Brady…he's still straight…_

Clearing his throat, I see him scratch at the back of his head while he turns away to put the pizza rolls back in the freezer, "Besides, man, there's a lot of pretty boys like you on TV that are straight so it's not like all pretty boys are gay or something…what I'm sayin' is, how you look is how you look and how you act is how you act…bein' gay is just who you are, right? It don't matter to me none anyway…"

I would be marveling at the longest I've ever heard him speak but all I could think of was that he said 'pretty boys like you…'

_He thinks I'm pretty…_

I realize that I haven't said anything when he turns around and looks down, "That probably didn't make no sense…"

My lungs feel like they're working at half capacity as I let out a breath and smile, "It made sense to me…"

Finally, that sweet dimpled grin comes back as he leans against the counter across from me and crosses his arms over his chest.

"So, how come you cuddle up with Emmett? And how come Jay and Edward let you cuddle with them? They don't get jealous?"

I smiled as I gripped the counter top and leaned forward a little, "Edward and Jasper don't get jealous of me…anymore anyway. They know that no one could ever come between them, and I would never even think about it because they belong together. They just wouldn't work with anyone else. And Emmett is just…he's one of my best friends…he just knows me and knows I like to cuddle so he lets me…"

He nods and drops his arms, "So you cuddle up with all your friends?"

Feeling the blush come to my cheeks, I look down and shrug, "Yeah, I guess I do."

And again…he surprises me when I see his hand press on the counter next to mine and I lift my eyes to see him standing much closer with a killer smile as he says softly, "Well maybe we can be friends…"

_Okay, now he's flirting with me…_

I find myself breathing rather heavily as I see those gorgeous pale blue eyes looking into mine, so I manage to rasp out a shaky laugh, "Yeah…um, yes…we can be friends, Brandon…"

_We can be friends, lovers, super secret fuck buddies…shit, stop, Brady…he's not flirting with you, he's just a Whitlock…they flirt with everybody…_

If it's possible, his grin gets wider as his cheeks get darker underneath the blonde scruff. But then it fades away and his head is down and arms over his chest again likes he's trying to make himself small or something.

It's quiet. Too quiet and all I can hear is my labored breath…

That is until, my stomach growls very obnoxiously .

I could die of embarrassment right now but he finally smiles again, "Was that your tummy?"

And now I could die at the way my heart flutters again when he says 'tummy.'

_How is it possible to be so sexy and so adorable at the same time? Only a damn Whitlock boy…_

I start pulling my sock and shoe back on as I mumble, "Yes…it's not a big deal, it can wait until morning…"

But then his belly rumbles and now I'm the one smiling as he mumbles, "I think I forgot to eat today…"

At first I think he's joking but by the way he's blushing and staring at the floor, I think he may be telling the truth so I find myself curious.

"How did you forget to eat, Brandon?"

He just shrugs but never raises his eyes, "I don't know…guess I just got so busy I forgot…"

I don't know what it is, but something just doesn't sit right with me about that. Brandon is definitely the most confusing Whitlock boy…and perhaps the most intriguing…to me anyway.

And I can't help but find myself wanting to know more so I finish tying my shoe and wiggle my ankle around a few times to make sure it's okay, then I hop off the counter and smile, "I saw a taco bell on our way here…you fly, I'll buy…"

Raising his pretty blue eyes, he was grinning again, "I'll fly but I can't let you buy…"

_Oh no, sweetheart, we won't be going there…_

I turn, slower this time, and cross my arms over my chest, raise an eyebrow and smirk, "Listen here, Paul Bunyan, I can buy my friends dinner whenever I choose. As my new friend, I feel it only fair to warn you that I can be a bit stubborn and a tad bitchy if I don't get my way…so unless you're really ready to test my super cool ninja skills, I suggest you just grab your keys and come with me."

Out of all our friends, I was by far, the poorest. My stupid job at the coffee shop really only sufficed at satisfying my caffeine addiction, the money was a measly secondary. But my friends helped take care of me because that's what friends do and the Cullen's and Peter always made sure I was okay.

I think someone needed to make sure Brandon was okay too.

And although I didn't know much about him, judging from his apartment and clothes, he was doing much better financially than I was.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, his smile could easily brighten up the drab kitchen, "Well, I don't want ya to beat me up again so I guess I'll just do what you say."

I smiled back and nodded, "Smart boy…"

We started walking towards the front door, being quiet as to not wake Suzie but when he nudges me, I look up to find him smiling down at me as he whispers, "So, do ya wanna take the truck or my big blue ox?"

Giggling, I just shrug my shoulders and flip my hair, "Blue would totally clash with my outfit…"

He's giggling softly too by the time we both make it out to his big work truck. I have to practically jump to get in the damn thing and he's laughing again but I don't mind being the brunt of a joke as long as it's not malicious and it makes him laugh like that.

I'm not sure what's causing my sudden ability to be at such ease around him…was it the way he reminded me of a golden lab puppy…sometimes they were so big that people forgot they were puppies…

_Or maybe it's just the alcohol…_

Whatever it is, I feel comfortable being myself around him…that could be due to my trust in his cousins and that if they said he was a good guy, then he was.

_And he seems to be more uncomfortable with himself than with me…_

It was just the little things that I had noticed throughout the evening…how he'd always wrap his arms around himself like he's to trying to sink into the background…how he'd watch us all with a childlike fascination on his face and tell us stories of his family, but never of himself…

Though I never found myself opening up to strangers first, I just couldn't seem to stop myself from talking to him.

"I like your pictures…on the table in your living room…have you ever thought about painting? I mean, I know you're just renting but how long have you lived there?"

I hope he doesn't think I'm rude but I'm genuinely curious about the boy and with the alcohol freeing my inhibitions a bit, I find it hard to reign myself in.

We're driving down the dark Texas road with only the moonlight and the soft glow from the dash on his face but I can still see those crystal blue eyes clearly.

"Um, I guess I've been there bout seven months now…and I actually have thought about paintin'…but I can't choose a color…"

He grins and it's like I know what he's thinking as I giggle, "Why decide on one color? I feel like life is generous in offering us all of these beautiful colors and textures and shapes…it would be downright offending to limit yourself to only one, especially in your home where you spend so much of your time. How can you ever see how pretty life can be if you're stuck in a sea of whitewash walls?"

Now he laughs and I get the joy of seeing his face light up, "I like the way you think, Brady. So, are you offerin' to help me paint then?"

Smiling, I pull my legs up on the seat and hug them as I lay my head on my knees, "Absolutely, we'll spruce the whole place up and it will help make you feel better…happier. I love to make things pretty…er, well, I mean we can make it really masculine though with like, um…fish heads and moose antlers and stuff…"

He looks over at me and rolls his eyes while he grins, "Dude, I cried when they shot Bambi's mama…no dead animal heads please…"

"Oh me too, it was so sad…I love deer meat though…"

I'm getting really used that laugh.

"Deer jerky is awesome…"

We're both giggling like fools and it's really the most fun I've had in a very long time. And once we started talking, it was impossible to stop.

"So, you go to school with Jay? What do you wanna be?"

"Yes, we actually went to high school together too. And I'm majoring in Art. I've thought about possibly going into interior design but I think what I really would like to do is work for the Seattle Museum of Art as a director, that way I could choose which exhibits and pieces we would showcase…and I'd be able to travel and find new brilliant artists…I'd get to spend my whole day looking at pretty things…what about you? What do you want to be?"

He just shrugged, "I just do construction right now but what I wanna be…well, I guess all I really wanna be is…somebody's husband, settled down in a little house…maybe a few kids down the road and a dog…I know it ain't, like, fancy or nothin'…but that's all I really want…"

It struck me that all he wanted to be was…somebody's.

The boy had a way of pulling at my heartstrings because I knew how that felt to want to be someone's one and only…I mean, I may have theatrical fantasies about legions of adoring fans but all I've ever really wanted was just one…one person who thought I was the most important thing in their world. I was tired of being a minor character in somebody else's love story…I wanted to be the leading man.

I giggle at my alcohol induced musings and smile at him, "Well, it's not like you don't have plenty of time to find your soul mate, Brandon. How old are you?"

He looks a little uneasy as he chews on his lip for a moment, "25...what about you?"

"19 but I'll be 20 in October which is only seven short months away…"

Now he smiled and just shook his head, "God you're a baby…"

I scoffed and reached over to hit him again, "I am not! I'm a grown ma…_ooh_, look, horsies!"

I loved horses. That was one of the things Suzie and I bonded over was taking care of the horses at Peter's house. They were just so big and majestic but as long as you treated them right, rubbed their noses, fed them carrots and talked sweet…they would be gentle as a lamb with you.

He just continued chuckling as we pulled into the drive thru at taco bell. I smiled, "So what do you want?"

His cheeks darkened again as he looked down at his steering wheel, "A couple of tacos is fine…"

_Couple of tacos my ass… _

The boy at the speaker told us to order whenever ready so I leaned over his lap and stuck my head out the window because my voice was soft and I wanted to make sure they heard me…well, that's mostly why I was leaning across his lap right now anyways…

_Perfect spanking position…_

"Yes, can I please have three taco supremes, a nacho bell grande with extra cheese and sour cream, an order of cinnamon twists, and a large Dr. Pepper…"

Then I turned back to face him with a grin, "Now what would you like, Brandon?"

His face was bright red but that could have something to do with my ass being so close to it so I pull myself back in and sit back in my seat. Then he smiles as he tells the drive thru boy that he'll have the same thing I ordered. I give him a $20 and he looks down as he takes it with a mumbled, "Thanks, Brady."

I don't want him to feel bad for me paying so I reach over and nudge his shoulder. He looks up at me finally and I smile, "Hey, you can pay the next time, okay?"

His grin is back as his eyes light up and he sit's a little straighter in his seat, "Okay then…so that's an awful lotta food for a little guy like you…"

I realize I should probably be a little embarrassed but I don't think he means it bad or anything because I am little with not really any fat on my body…though I do have a bit of a bubble butt but I don't think that's a bad thing either.

"I usually watch what I eat somewhat but I have a weakness for sweets and when I do eat junk food, I go for broke. I'm naturally small so I don't have to worry about my weight too much, which is truly a blessing because let me tell you…the boys in my tribe are known for being like a pack of hungry wolves, devouring everything in sight…"

I'm giggling as his head cocks to the side again and I am graced with that wonderful confused little puppy expression as he says, "Tribe?"

_He's so cute…_

"Yes, I'm part of the Quileute tribe…you know, Indian…like Pocahontas…Cowboys and Indians…what did you think I was?"

_Because you sure as hell knew I wasn't a white boy…_

He just smiles as he pays for our food and begins handing me bags, "I never really thought about it…"

I think that says a lot about a person…when they don't even think about it.

And I decide that Jay and Jeremiah were definitely right…Brandon is a good guy.

Once we have everything, he surprises me by pulling in an empty parking spot, "Do you mind if we just eat in the truck? I don't have a kitchen table and I don't wanna wake up Suzie…"

I don't mind at all because that means more time for us to talk…

"Yeah, that's okay with me…"

We start digging into our food and I can't help but moan with appreciation because when you're starving and drunk, taco bell is like the food of the gods…

He's quiet again and I'm still chomping at the bit so I take a drink of my Dr. Pepper to clear my throat and look over at him, "So, you and Jeremiah seem very close…more like brothers really, he talks very highly of you…"

Sighing he shrugs, "I love that boy like a brother but I ain't got a clue why he looks up to me like he does…"

I shrugged back, "I don't know…he said that you used to take care of them when they were little…did you?"

He's quiet for a moment but I want him to answer my question because I'm curious so I wait patiently to see what he says.

Eventually he starts talking in a low raspy drawl, "I'm the oldest of all of us…my mama hung in the same circle that Uncle Wayne and Aunt Barb hung in…so they partied a lot together when we was young. They'd always put me in charge of the kids and then they'd just…disappear into the crowd of mother fuckers that were always around. I didn't know what the fuck I was doin, honestly…I mean, I was only 10 and I was lookin after Jeremiah 7, Caleb 6, Ethan 5, sometimes Jay 4, and Suzie 3...I did the best I could but I fucked up a lot…Jeremiah got his leg broke fuckin' around with Ethan and Caleb when I shoulda been payin' attention and Ethan got stitches fuckin around with Caleb and Jeremiah on my watch…I just…Jesus Christ, I didn't know what the fuck I was doin…"

God he looked so sad that I couldn't help but reach out and pat his shoulder for comfort, "For the record, I think you did a fabulous job. Jeremiah, Suzie, and Jasper are all incredible so you must've done something right. Besides, Suzie said you used to always watch Disney movies with her and Jeremiah said that you taught him how to color in the lines…"

Now he smiles and nods, "Yeah that child could barely sit still for five minutes, I used to have to bribe him with Laffy Taffy…which in hindsight, probably didn't help none…"

We're both laughing again and continue to make small talk as we eat. I quickly come to the revelation that this man has no idea of anything after 1995 as I gasp and almost choke on a cinnamon twist, "You've never seen Harry Potter?"

He shakes his head with a laugh, "Nope…is it good?"

I'm certain my eyes are going to pop out of my head, "It's not _good_, Brandon, it's _fucking epic_! They're my favorite movies ever! Do you like wizards and magic and stuff?"

_Please don't diss Harry…_

Thankfully, he nods, "Yeah, I think it's cool…"

I begin to explain all things Harry to him and he actually listens like it's the most interesting thing in the world. And then I find out that the last movie he saw in a theater was actually Pocahontas with Suzie and the kids when he was 14.

The boy is going to give me a heart attack as I gasp again, "You've never seen a 3D movie?"

He shakes his head and smiles, "Nope, is it cool?"

"Oh my God! Okay, so before I go home to Seattle, we are going to a movie in 3D…"

His grin is wide and I can see the dimple in his cheek, "Okay…"

I'm excited now because I love going to the movies, especially 3D ones. I was a kind of a movie geek.

Once our food was finished, we still sat there and talked for a little while until I was squirming in my seat.

He laughed, "Do you need to pee?"

My cheeks turn red as I dance in my seat, "Yes."

"Well come on, taco bell's still open, I'll walk you in so you can pee…"

I'm extremely thankful because I really didn't want to walk in there alone in the middle of the night. I hop, carefully, out of his big truck and I hear it almost immediately.

I raise my eyes to see a group of three boys, hanging out by a car in the parking lot and now they're yelling…

"Jesus H. Christ will you take a look at that little homo? How the fuck did somebody so god damn qu…"

Instinctively I turn to jump back in the truck and tell Brandon I can hold it but I'm met by a brick wall…a brick wall that's breathing very heavily…

It was then that I noticed the yelling had stopped.

I looked up to see him looking over in the direction where all I hear now is soft rushed whispers, "Shit, that's Brandon Whitlock…dude, let's bounce…"

But the look on his face causes my mouth to open in disbelief as I see that my sweet confused puppy dog has become a beast.

His pink lips are in a low snarl and his eyes are more like steel than baby blue skies. He's big and menacing and scary as fuck without saying a word. I will admit that I found it rather sexy and when I heard the screech of the tires as those assholes fled the scene quickly…my cock twitched and tingled.

As soon as they were gone, the snarl faded and he looked down at me, putting his hands on my shoulders, "Fuck those guys…come on…"

And then he smiles and all is right with the world again.

He follows me into taco bell but stands outside the door while I relieve myself. I kind of feel like Whitney Houston in the Bodyguard but in my opinion, Brandon is way hotter than Kevin Costner ever thought about being…

Quickly washing my hands, I check my hair in the mirror and smile at myself…

_Tonight has turned out so much better than I ever thought…Brandon is sweet and caring and completely awesome…even if he's straight…_

I went into theatrical movie mode again as I opened the door and saw him waiting for me with a smile…

_I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship…_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hope you guys enjoy the chapter! I'm having a lot of fun and hope you are too. I am also working on an E/J bachelor party outtake and an outtake of the boys going to see the new Winnie the Pooh movie. **

**Love Will Turn You Around by Kenny Rogers **

**Brandon's POV**

I barely lifted my eyes from his ass to his face before he saw me as he turned around and smiled, "Thanks, Brandon, I'll be out in a minute."

Nodding my head, I turned and stood there at the door waitin' on him. I was glad he needed a minute alone cuz Lord knows I needed to get my head together.

Brady was…unexpected. I never in a million years woulda thought that I could like somebody so much so fast…but I liked him a whole lot…a whole lot more than I really should.

It took me and Angel over a month to start talkin' and even then, I held back a lot but it was just so fuckin' easy with Brady…

And after my reaction to him leanin' over me in the truck, I finally realized I'm more than a little gay. Cuz seriously, I ain't ever got that hard, that fast…thank God for baggy jeans and t-shirts.

I mean, I did get hard the few times me and Angel kissed but I figured that was cuz we was kissin'…Brady didn't even touch me. All it took was that sweet little bubble butt about six inches from my face and it was all I could do to keep my hand from reaching up and smackin' it just to see it turn all pink…

_Of course that would mean he'd have to lose those fuckin' tight ass jeans…_

_Shit, you're tryin' to get rid of your wood, Brandon, not make it worse…_

I had to literally shake the image of it from my mind…the boy was just too sexy for words…at least, I didn't know enough fancy words to do the boy's ass justice…

But it wasn't just his ass why I liked him so much…he was really funny and I liked to hear him talk with his cute lil' accent…most everybody 'round here had a twang…

So even when I didn't understand a word he was sayin', I couldn't stop just wantin' to hear him say more…I ain't never met somebody so excited and passionate about stuff before…

When he talked about art or this Harry fella, he got all bouncy and smiley and happy…I wish I had somethin' that made me that happy…

_Well, __**he **__kinda does…_

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop smilin' like a fool when he was talkin' to me…

I mean, I was still as confused as fuck about what was goin' on with me but I figured I was makin' progress cuz I ain't ever wanted another boy but Angel so I kinda wondered if I was straight and he was just my one exception…

Fallin' for a boy once could, I could see…but fallin' for two cute lil' guys like Angel and Brady…it's gotta mean something, right?

I guess that's why I was so confused cuz I had just fucked a woman less than a week ago on my couch…I didn't really know her or anythin' but I had seen her around and she was a nice lookin' woman…so when I was washin' my truck and she came up in that skimpy shirt and tight shorts, I didn't object when she asked if I wanted to fuck.

And I enjoyed it…I mean, it felt real good and all and I came…but I did feel kinda bad afterward when she just turned and left with a wave and a "Thanks, Brandon."

_Shit, I can't even remember her fuckin' name…_

Now I wanted to spank Brady and sink my teeth into his ass so what kinda person does that make me?

_Maybe I'm just all riled up like a damn horny toad from bein' locked up so long…maybe I'd dry hump anything with a nice ass that flashes a grin my way…_

The door opens and I'm instantly smilin' as he grins up at me, "Thanks for waiting…you ready?"

I nodded again and let him lead the way so I could stare at his ass some more but I did reach my arm out over his head and open the door for him. I figured since I was bein' a total perv in my head, I should at least try and act like a gentleman.

When we got to the truck, I opened his door and offered him my hand so he wouldn't have to jump so far. He smiled as he took my hand and jumped in…I smiled as I watched his ass again.

Once I shut his door, I went around to my side and got in. I was kinda sad that he'd probably be fallin' asleep soon and I wouldn't get to talk to him no more cuz I was havin' a lot of fun…more fun than I think I ever had before.

And then that just reminded me that they'd all be goin' back home in just one week and one day. But at least I didn't have to work but three days this week so I could spend some time with them before they left.

_Shit, I'm gonna be alone again…_

"Brandon? Are you okay? You look sad…"

Lookin' over at him, I grinned, "I'm fine…so, um, what other kinds of movies you like?"

I just wanted to see him get all excited again and hear him talk some more.

And he did, his eyes lit up and he bounced a little in his seat, "Well, some of the best ones are Lord of the Rings, Avatar, The Transformers, The Fast and The Furious was awesome but that's mostly because of Paul Walker and Vin Diesel…um, I love some of the old movies like Grease has the best songs to sing and oh, anything John Hughes…"

Now I glanced over at him, finally recognizing something, "Weird Science is one of my favorite movies…that was John Hughes, right?"

I remember watchin' it on TV when I was a kid and stayed up late one night after the kids had fallen asleep. It made me laugh.

He jumped in his seat all animated, "Oh my God, I love that one! Anthony Michael Hall was hilarious in that…oh and Sixteen Candles…"

"That was the one with Long Duck Dong…"

Now he's laughing as he starts spoutin' out quotes from the movie. When he finally winds down, he smiles, "Okay, so at least you're up to par on your John Hughes knowledge…let's see, I think we've established that I love old cheesy 80's movies…oh okay, I love the new Batman movies and I think Heath Ledger was like a god among men…you look a little like him, he was gorgeous…"

_So is he sayin' that he thinks I'm gorgeous too…_

_Cuz I think he's just about the prettiest lil' thing I ever seen…_

I can feel my cheeks darken a little as I focus on the road and not the way he's lookin' at me right now.

And he just continues on about how he loves scary movies and sci fi movies and almost all superhero and comic book movies…

I find myself laughin', "Boy, is there any movie you don't like?"

He pauses for a moment and shrugs, "Well, even in movies I don't really care for, I can usually find something in it that I like…an emotion it might bring out in me or a camera technique or a subtle image…I just try to find some way to appreciate it because it's, you know, all art…that probably doesn't make any sense…"

Now he's blushing as he looks out his window and I'm smilin', "I understand what you're sayin'…art ain't always about bein' pretty or perfect…it's just somethin' that affects one of our five senses…like music to our ears or the smell of the ocean…or it can just make you feel somethin' that wasn't there before…whether it's sad or happy or scared or calm…sorry, I'm ramblin, it's just somethin' I remember my 3rd grade art teacher sayin' to me…"

I glanced over to see him lookin' up at me with the prettiest cocoa colored eyes, wide and clear as they felt like they were starin' right through me.

Dropping my gaze quick, I tightened my fingers on the steering wheel and concentrated on the road as all them swirly butterflies were goin' crazy in my tummy…

Pulling his leg up on the seat, he lays his head on his knee and smiles over at me, "I'm sensing a childhood story…tell me…"

_Did he really wanna hear about this? _

I didn't like to talk about myself cuz there wasn't much to tell…wasn't nothin' much good anyway.

"Um, it wasn't nothin' really…"

But, mother fuck he's got such a pretty smile and a soft sweet voice that when he says, "I'd really like to hear something about you, Brandon…tell me, _please_…", I 'm done for and I'm pretty sure I'd do anything he asked me, if he asked me like that…

Takin a breath, I sighed, "Well, um…it was 3rd grade, art class, which was my favorite class, by the way…anyway, we was s'posed to use anything we wanted to make a piece of art that brought out an emotion…so most the kids started drawin' sunny skies and pictures of their dogs…but I grabbed the clay and molded this big ol' ugly monster…"

Brady giggled and I smiled shyly at him, "At the end of class, we was s'posed to go around the room and guess what emotion we was s'posed to be feelin' at each piece…they were all good things like happiness and love but when they came to mine, Billy Jo Marshall said it was scary and that big ol' ugly monsters weren't art cuz they wasn't pretty…Mrs. Finnegan said that true art evoked emotion and it didn't have to be a happy emotion…it just had to make you feel somethin'…anyways, she liked it and gave me a ribbon for the most creative…I always thought that was real nice…"

He was grinning over at me and sighed sweetly, "I love that story…I bet your mom and dad were so proud of you…"

I shook my head and looked out at the road, "No, my um…dad died when I was a baby…and my mama was…well she wasn't there…I mean, even when she _was _there, she wasn't really there…do you know what I mean?"

I was worried that I wasn't makin' any sense but his soft sigh broke through, "I know exactly what you mean. My parents weren't there either…mine were afraid to show me affection because I'm gay…I mean, even when I didn't know what gay was, I knew that I was different…and it was like, they were either afraid they were going to catch it or they would make me more gay…or that if they pretended I wasn't gay and ignored me then they'd fix me…they kicked me out when I was fifteen…locked me outside in the rain barefoot with no phone and not a penny to my name…"

I gripped the steering wheel as I seethed at the thought of leavin' a little bitty thing like Brady locked out in the rain like that, "Fuckin bastards…"

I was surprised when I heard his laughter, "Yes! They were self righteous assholes and I'm much better off without them!"

_Aww…he's tryin' to be strong and laugh it off cuz I can see in his eyes that it still hurts…tough lil' guy…_

I smiled, "Yeah, I'm better off without my mama. I ain't even talked to her in bout ten years now…"

His smile softened and he looked at me like he wanted to ask but didn't wanna overstep…but I thought that if he was gonna let me know him, then I'd try and let him know me too. We pulled up in front of my place and I parked and killed the engine.

"She kicked me out when I was fifteen too…said that I reminded her of my daddy and that I should just blow my brains out like he did…that I'd be better off…"

I heard him gasp and I looked over to see them pretty eyes all filled up with tears as he shook his head, "I'm so, so sorry, Brandon…I can't even…that's so awful…"

Now I apologized, "I'm sorry, Brady, I didn't mean for you to cry…it's alright, I'm okay…please stop cryin…"

He sniffled a little and I handed him some leftover napkins from taco bell. Smiling softly, he took them and turned his head to blow his nose.

After a minute, he was tossing the napkin out the window and looking at me with pretty cocoa eyes, "Don't apologize for me crying…I'm just really sorry you had to go through that…my parents were horrible but they never said something that…evil…"

I smiled back, "Hey that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, right? I mean, your parents sound like downright pricks but look at you…a nice place of your own, goin' to a fancy school and followin' your dreams…everybody seems to love you to pieces…you got a good life, Brady…that's the best revenge, I think. I'm gonna get my life together good so that one day when I run across my mama, she's gonna realize that she was the bad one, not me…well, I mean I was bad but I ain't got, like, a bad soul and shit…I'm tryin' real hard to be a good person…"

Flashing a beautiful grin, he reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it once before letting go.

I wished he didn't let go.

"You seem like a great person to me…and yeah, I am doing okay right now besides the crappy job…"

His pretty little laugh sounded like bells and I smiled, "Yeah my job sucks too but I'm just grateful to be workin'…"

Looking up at me, he nodded and smiled back, "You're right, that's how I should look at it too because the economy is reeling right now so we're lucky to be working…I like the way you look at things, Brandon."

I looked down and smiled as I felt my cheeks heat up, "So, um, where do you work?"

"Just a little coffee shop near campus…sometimes it gets crazy busy but I get all the free coffee I want…"

I grinned, "Caffeine addict…"

He giggled, "Yes, sadly I was, that's why I have to drink the nonfat decaf latte now because I must drink like 3 cups while I'm working and one on the way home…"

The sound of bass thumping interrupted his thoughts as a car came rollin' down the street. It wasn't nothin' new and I was used to it but I saw him turn away from the window and try to hide himself. I figured that the assholes at taco bell had scared him pretty good so I opened my door and got out before nodding my head, "Just come out on my side, I'll stand behind you, they won't even see you…"

Holdin' out my hand, he took it and scooted across the seat and hopped out. The guys were gone already but I still stood behind him to kinda act like a shield and keep him safe.

Once we got to the porch, I just reached around him and unlocked the door. He looked up at me and smiled softly as he whispered, "Thanks."

I just nodded and pushed the door open for him. Luckily, everyone was still sleeping.

Walking over to the loveseat, I grabbed the pillows and blankets and started makin' it up for him, "Sorry, it probably ain't gonna be that comfortable no matter what I do…"

He was yawning as he shook his head then smiled, "It's fine, Brandon…um, I need to go to the bathroom and take my contacts out…"

I walked over and flipped on the lights in the stairwell, "Be careful goin' up the stairs, okay?"

He smiled, "Okay…" before he bounced up the steps and I watched to make sure he made it alright…

_And cuz I can't get enough of that hot little ass…_

Once he's in the bathroom, I go back to throwin' me a blanket and pillow on the floor. I sit down and take off my socks and shoes but decide that I'm gonna sleep in my jeans and t-shirt. Laying on my back on the floor, I fold my arms behind my head and close my eyes.

_Tonight had went pretty well so far…Brady was really sweet and really cute…he was nice and he seemed to wanna listen to me when I talked. There had only been a handful of people in my life that really listened to me when I talked…Jeremiah, Angel, and Ms. Ryan at Juvie, she was a counselor and it was nice to talk to her sometimes. And fuck, did I love to hear him talk. His voice was like cotton candy, so soft and so sweet as it just melted against everything it touched. I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush…happy, excited, nervous, scared…and maybe even a little hopeful…even if it was silly to hope for things that I can't have. _

_Cuz I can't have him…he don't even live in the same state as me and I can't leave…and it don't matter no way cuz I can't even think about tellin' anybody that I'm…whatever the hell I am…cuz I'm tough as nails physically but emotionally, mentally…I ain't that strong. Angel was the strongest boy I'd ever known and if those bastards got to his mind…they'd tear me to shreds._

The creak of the stairs got my attention as my tummy twisted and turned again. I opened my eyes and saw him staring at his shirt with a sad look on his face, "What's wrong, Brady?"

He looked down at me and smiled shyly, "Oh um…it's nothing really. I just hate to wrinkle my clothes but it's not a big deal I can change at the hotel in the morning…"

The image of him wearin' one of my t-shirts to sleep in flashed through my mind and I was talkin' before I was thinkin', "I ain't got no sweats that would fit you but I got some t-shirts…I mean, they'd probably come down to your knees so you could wear it over your boxers…"

Now he blushed, "I, um…don't wear boxers…"

_Holy shit, he goes commando…close your fuckin' mouth, dumbass…_

I looked away and snapped my jaw shut so I wouldn't say somethin' dumb and he giggled, "Oh my God, Brandon, I wear underwear, just not boxers…and yes, that would be great, thank you…"

_I am such an idiot sometimes…_

My face was on fire and I couldn't think of anything clever to say so I just kept my mouth shut as I drew back the covers and stood up.

There was a basket of clean clothes in the hallway so I pulled out one of my nicer t-shirts, but even it didn't seem nice enough for Brady to sleep in…but it'd have to do. Then I took some sweats for myself. I gave him the shirt and he told me thanks and then he blushed again, "Um, I don't want to have to go back up and down those stairs without my contacts so can I just change here? We can just turn away from each other…"

It was crazy how he could make me feel ten million emotions all at once…turned on, nervous, happy…

I scratched at the back of my neck and tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear nervously, "Okay…"

We were just standin' a few feet apart as I watched him turn away from me. I did the same and I just stood there for a minute givin' myself a pep talk, before finally undoin' my jeans and pushing them down over my boxers. I was quick yanking up my sweatpants, a habit learned in prison, and then I just stood there and waited for him to be done.

I tried really hard to focus on all the sounds of swishing fabric and a zipper being pulled down…and I quickly adjusted myself cuz I didn't wanna get hard in these sweats cuz ain't no way I'd be able to hide it…

So I looked over at the pictures on the table, focusing on each one so my mind wouldn't wander…but then, I saw his reflection in the glass…

I wanted to look away but I figured this was fate, and who was I to tempt fate?

But I couldn't tear my eyes away if I tried as his unbuttoned shirt slipped off his shoulders…he was little but God his skin was pretty and it looked so soft and warm…

And then my eyes go wide and my mouth drops open again.

His tight jeans now fall down around his ankles and I can see him standing there in his briefs. Little white briefs with hot pink and bright turqouise bands around them and swirly bright colors all around with the words, 'Your Place or Mine…' written across his ass…

I could feel myself gettin' hard and I tried to think of somethin' else but I couldn't stop lookin…

He pulled my t-shirt over his head and I let out a breath of relief as it covered that tempting little bubble butt. Then he ran his fingers through his hair a few times, tryin' to get it back perfect again. Folding his clothes neatly, he set them on the end table before crawling underneath the blanket.

Once he's under the cover and lying down, he sighs softly, "Okay, you can turn around now."

I kept my back to him still as I settled down on the floor and once I was finally under my blanket, I turned and laid on my back with my arm underneath my head. Luckily, I hadn't got a full on stiffy so I could hide it okay.

It was quiet in the house, 'cept for Suzie's light snoring and the air kickin' on. I closed my eyes and tried to quit listenin' for him to turn or take a deep breath…just anything to know he was still lyin' there not too far from me…

Eventually, I heard his soft voice, "Brandon? Are you sleeping?"

Turning my head, I opened my eyes and smiled, "No…what's up?"

I was grateful when he smiled and raised up on his elbow like he wanted to talk some more, "I was just curious…about your tattoos…I thought it was tribal-y stuff but…now I'm not so sure…"

Grinnin' like a fool, I sat up and scooted over by the couch, yankin' my shirt over my head so I could show him. I was really proud of my arms, I had spent years drawin' up the designs for sleeves and my back. I was only about half way done on my arms right now though.

I could feel his breath on my neck and it gave me goose bumps as I held up my arm and smiled, "It's like a whole bunch of stuff all swirlin' together…see the dark black lines and shadows kinda hide the real stuff underneath…ya gotta look real close…"

He smiled and nodded, "Okay, let me get my glasses…"

And then, he crawled over his blanket and reached into Suzie's purse. I had a close up view now of his ass in those little undies and I had to clench my fingers to keep from reachin' up and squeezin…

Once he settled back under the blanket, he slipped on his glasses and I'll be damned if my dick didn't start twitchin' again.

Brady was gorgeous…but one look at Brady wearin' my t-shirt, with rumpled up hair and them thick dark rimmed glasses and I was hard. I've never gotten hard just by lookin' at someone…not all the way hard like this so I grabbed the blanket and yanked it up over my legs, bending them at the knees to hide it.

He leaned closer now and slid his soft little fingertips across the ink, tracing it as he looked closely, "Wow…is that…those are, like, prison bars, aren't they?"

My skin was breaking out in goose bumps from his feather soft little touches but I did my best to hide my reaction to him so I just nodded and smiled as he kept goin'.

Looking up at me, he smiled a little curious, "Train tracks…"

Again I just nodded and he kept on a'goin.

"This is just…are those angel wings? Edward would love that…and wait…there's like, words…'I may be lying in the gutter, but I'm staring at the stars…"

I smiled, "Yeah, in prison, I didn't read much but I did get this book that had like famous quotes and shit in it…so some of the ones that I liked the best, I put into the design…see, 'what's done is done…fall seven times, stand up eight…they can't hurt you unless you let them…war begins in the minds of men…"

He giggled and traced each one as he came across them, "This is so beautiful, Brandon…you drew this? I can't even…oh my God, it says, 'May the Force be with you…'"

I laughed now as my cheeks heated up, "Yeah, I used to love the old Star Wars movies…ain't seen the new ones but Yoda was always my favorite cuz he was so little and wise and everyone talked about what a great warrior he was…"

Brady's face lit up, "Oh you have to see the new ones! It finally shows Yoda fighting and he's so badass!"

"Yeah? Okay, I'd love to see that…"

_With you…I really hope that all these movies he wants to see with me, he considers dates..._

I turned the other way now so I could show him my other arm. He did the same thing, tracing over the lines and shadows carefully to find the stuff hidden underneath.

Quietly he whispered, "What's this monster?"

I smiled as I looked up into his pretty eyes, "That's my 3rd grade art project…"

He laughed as he rubbed his soft little thumb across it, "He doesn't look so scary…but he looks kind of sad…"

I swear to God, I could've kissed the boy right then and there.

"Yeah, he wasn't supposed to be scary…he was sad…cuz I ran out of clay 'fore I could make him a friend and he was all alone…"

He gasped softly as his eyes filled up with tears again, "Oh Brandon…"

His lip trembled as he bit it and my eyes got wide, "Don't cry…"

Shaking his head, he sniffled and smiled, "I'm sorry, I'm okay…drinking makes me emotional sometimes…"

Smilin' back, I nodded, "Yeah, whenever Jeremiah drinks whiskey, he cries like a baby…goes on for hours and hours about how much he loves everyone and shit…it's hilarious…"

Brady finally chuckles, "I've seen him drink whiskey once, at the boys bachelor party…I wondered what the hell was wrong with him…"

Pulling off his glasses, he set them on the end table and laid his head on the pillow. I moved away to my own pillow and lied down on my side this time so I could look at him. I didn't bother puttin' my shirt back on since he had already seen me.

He yawned then smiled softly, "I love your tattoos, Brandon…it's like…art."

Now I yawned and then grinned at him, "Thanks, Brady."

I couldn't wait to get them finished but since I had worked out the means of gettin' em done by trading work around the tattoo shop and the owner's house, it was gonna take a little while. But it was cool cuz it was a friend of Jeremiah's and he hooked me up.

His eyes closed and I wanted to hear his voice just once more to help get me through the rest of the night cuz I had real trouble sleepin'…

"Night, Brady…sweet dreams…"

He smiled now with his eyes closed and whispered, "Sweet dreams to you too, Brandon…good night."

It was much better than a good night…it was an excellent night.

Much too soon, I jolt upright, gasping for air and wide awake as I glare at the fuckin' clock on the wall…5:59am.

_Every fuckin' mornin'…_

I try to take a few deep breaths but can't seem to get my heart to stop racin' so I pull my knees up and bury my face for a minute…I can feel the beads of sweat rolling down my face and I feel like I'm suffocating.

Slowly, I stand up and make my way over to the window and gently pull it up, so that I don't wake the others…I gasp in relief when I breathe in the fresh air…

I sit on the ledge and just breathe in deep for a few minutes, eyes closed and finally feeling some calm creeping in…but when they open, my stomach drops and my head hurts as I stare across the train tracks to that damn light pole.

Cringing, flashes of his body swinging against the dim, flickering light tear through my mind and I feel like I'm going crazy cuz sometimes it's hard to tell what's a dream and what's for real…

The 3 or 4 hours I do sleep every night, are filled with nightmares…sometimes my whole life just plays over and over again, showcasing all the stupid shit I did to get me here…and sometimes it's just different fucked up shit to remind me of who I am, like, I'll just be sittin' in my cell for hours and hours, like it's never gonna end…and then the worst ones are the ones that aren't memories…like watchin' Angel being beaten and strung up while the town throws a fuckin' parade beneath his dead body…or seein' him standin' on that pole and just runnin' and screamin' but never bein' able to get there before he falls…and sometimes we're both up there, sittin' side by side…he's mad at me for leavin' and I'm mad at him for leavin…and we just sit there, not sayin' anything to each other…

A soft sigh and the springs creaking in the love seat, snap my attention back as I look over and see Brady, snuggled into his pillow with a sweet smile on his face as he slept. I'd give anything to be dreamin' what he's dreamin' right now.

And then I thought about how easy it had been to talk to him all night…easier than it had ever been with anyone. That made me feel guilty cuz Angel used to beg me to talk to him and I just never could…but I was young and goin' through a lot of shit…I'm older now and I'm just tryin' to get my life settled…if I was ever gonna do that, I had to keep tryin' to get better.

And I wanted to get better cuz I wanted Brady but he deserved a man, not half a man like I was. But I knew that I couldn't have him the way I wanted him, too many obstacles in the way so I'd have to settle for bein' his friend. I could do that though cuz I really needed a friend and I really wanted to be around him…he made me smile.

It was that thought that pushed me to get movin' and 15 minutes later, I was showered dressed and out the door. I figured none of them would be up for a few hours at least so I had some time to kill….I _always _had time to kill.

I drove by the cemetery once before huffing and turnin' around to go back. Parking the truck, I sat there for a minute and gave myself a pep talk 'fore jumpin' out and walking over to Angel's grave.

I sat in the fresh cut grass and breathed in the air for awhile, lookin' anywhere but at the head stone next to me.

Guilt weighed heavy on me and for the first time in a long time, I hated the silence. So I closed my eyes and pulled my knees up to my chin as a few tears rolled down my cheeks…and just started talkin'. He had begged me so many times to talk to him and I wouldn't, but now I needed to talk to him…even if he couldn't talk back.

My stomach was a mess and I still couldn't bring myself to say the things I really wanted to say, but I figured it was a start. I told him about how good Jeremiah and Suzie were doin' and I told him about Jay and Eddie and how Jay just seemed so comfortable in his skin that I really kinda admired it. I had never really been comfortable in mine.

I wanted to tell him about Brady but I felt too guilty…like I was betrayin' him or something.

I sat there and talked for a couple hours…not really about me but about everybody else. I figured it was a start anyway.

Eventually, my whole body was numb for sittin' like that for so long, so I slowly stood up and wiped away the last few tears before mumblin', "I'll be back, Angel. I promise."

Sitting in my truck for a few minutes, I tried to get myself together before drivin' about fifteen miles to the nearest coffee shop that I knew of. I got everyone coffee and some doughnuts, I remembered to get Brady somethin' that sounded fancy and made sure they used the low fat stuff.

When I got back home, I was careful in opening the door cuz I wasn't sure if they'd be awake. Brady and Suzie were still sleepin' and Brady's ass was stickin' outta the blanket. I chuckled as I grabbed the end and pulled it down to cover his ass back up 'fore walkin' to the kitchen and settin' everything down on the counter.

I could hear my bedroom door open and the stairs creakin' 'fore Jeremiah came shufflin' sleepily into the kitchen, in only his boxers, scratchin' his balls.

"Mornin', Cuz…" he mumbled with a raspy, sleepy voice.

Smiling, I handed him a cup of black coffee, "Mornin' you nasty son of a bitch…"

He just chuckled as he grabbed the cup of coffee and mumbled, "Thanks…"

Taking a few swigs, he raided the doughnuts and stuffed one in his mouth. I shook my head and rolled my eyes, "You let Alice see you eat like that?"

He chuckled again and took a sip of his coffee before swallowing it down and smiling, "She likes that I'm all caveman and shit…and no I don't eat like that in front of her…"

Leaning against the counter, I smiled, "She seems real sweet, man…seems like a good girl…"

Now he grinned, "She's a great girl, Cuz…she's, like, different from any of the girls I known before…she's just…right, ya know?"

Nodding, I smiled, "Yeah, I think I know. So, you love her, huh?"

And he chuckled as he grabbed another doughnut and took a bite, instead of stuffing it in his mouth, "I think I've been in love with her since she pepper sprayed some boys me, Eddie, Jay, and Emmett were fightin' a few years ago…"

That made me laugh as I imagined little Alice goin' all gangsta on some boys.

I knew he cared about her cuz he talked about her on the phone all the time, even when he was dating other girls. But I knew that he hadn't made a move yet, until maybe last night.

"So? You gonna tell me if ya finally told her how you feel, you silly son of a bitch?"

He swallowed the rest of the doughnut and sighed, "We talked a little about it…bout us…but I don't know, man…"

I knew my cousin and I knew when something wasn't right, "What are you scared of, Jeremiah?"

Looking over at me, he spoke quietly, "Candace was my best friend since we was knee high…when she left me and JJ, I lost my best friend…I can't lose Alice, man…I love her to death and JJ loves her…what if we get together and I fuck it all up somehow or she just decides she don't want me no more…Candace fuckin' hates me…if Alice hated me…I just…fuck, Cuz…I just sometimes move too fast, ya know…like how all us Whitlock boys, when we fall, we fall fuckin' hard…Uncle Wayne with Linda, Jay with Eddie, me with Candace, even Caleb and Ethan have dated the same girls since they was like 12 years old…you know how we are, all matin' for life and shit like some god damn animals…you're the only one that ain't fell yet…"

_If only you fuckin' knew, Cuz…_

"And I'm scared as hell cuz it's too fuckin' late, I'm in love with her but is it worth the risk of me and JJ both losing her if it don't work out? I mean, I just really like hangin' out with her and shit, sure most the time I'm thinkin' bout suckin' on one of her pretty pink nipples but still…I can just be myself around her cuz she's my friend…I just really, really don't wanna fuck up this time…I gotta get this shit right cuz I don't wanna drive another woman away from JJ…he don't deserve that…"

I waited for a minute to make sure he was done cuz Jeremiah's been known to just keep talkin' sometimes. Then I sighed, "Okay, it's risky…I get that but…what if she's the one and you miss out on the love of your life cuz you're scared? Life's risky, right? What if you spend forever waitin' for somethin' that you coulda already had and ain't ever gonna find in anyone else? I don't know, Cuz…it seems like it's worth the risk to me but I ain't ever even been in a real relationship so I probably ain't the best one to come to for advice…"

He grinned over at me, "Am I overthinkin' again?"

I nodded and grinned back, "Yeah, all ADHD and shit…"

We were laughing when Suzie shuffled into the kitchen, her wavy blonde hair all over the place as she smiled softly, "Mornin, bubby…mornin' B…ooh, thanks for the coffee…"

And then, Brady was walkin' sleepily in the kitchen, still wearin' my shirt but with his jeans on now. He smiled up at us and rasped in a sleepy voice, "Good morning…"

I grabbed his coffee and handed it to him.

"Thanks, Brandon."

I just nodded and hoped I got it right. He took a sip and his eyes grew wide, "Is this a nonfat, decaf latte?"

Shruggin' my shoulders, I smiled softly, "That's what you said you drink, right?"

He was so pretty in the mornin', all big wrinkled t-shirt and messy hair…

"Yes, I just…I'm surprised you remembered…"

Jeremiah and Suzie were talkin' bout goin' to see their mama today so they weren't payin' no attention to us.

So I smiled, "You hungry? I got doughnuts but I wasn't sure what kind you liked so I just gotta bunch of different ones…"

_But I wanna know what your favorite doughnut is…I bet it's the long one with the creamy stuff in the middle…_

I refrain from laughing out loud as he takes that one and smiles, "These are my favorite, thank you…"

I have no idea what to say now so I just smile but then Suzie pipes in, "That's cuz it's shaped like a dick and filled with white creamy stuff…"

_Lord, you can tell that girl's related to me…_

And now I can't stop the laugh that breaks through and Brady just smirks, "Holes freak me out and besides, if it was a dick, I wouldn't bite it…"

Then he giggled as he took a nibble from the end and I let out a breath as he licked the cream from his lips.

_Good God, man…watchin' him eat that doughnut is like porn…_

I busied myself puttin' away the pillows and blankets so I wouldn't pop wood. Alice woke up short after, and before long they were all makin' plans for their day.

Suzie and Jeremiah were gonna go see their mama cuz she had been pretty bad off sick lately and Jeremiah wanted her to see JJ. But they said I ought to go back to the hotel and chill with Jay and meet Eddie's parents. And I'd also get to finally see JJ for the first time.

We all piled into the SUV and took off for the hotel. I didn't know why I was so nervous bout meetin' Edward's parents…I guess cuz they meant so much to Jeremiah, Suzie and Jay. I wanted them to like me but looked at it realistically…I was a loser who just got outta prison and I'm sure they wouldn't want me around their kid…that's probably the whole reason they even came down to Texas with them, so they could keep an eye on me for any trouble…

_Shit…_

And I was nervous bout meetin' JJ too…I mean, what if he was scared of me cuz I'm so big and scruffy and shit? Or what about the other little one, Em J? What if one look at me made 'em both cry?

By the time we actually made it to the hotel, I was a nervous wreck but the others were so busy chattin' and shit that I don't think they could tell.

But the hotel was really nice and I felt so outta place walkin' through the lobby, even if I was with them, I didn't feel like I was a part of them. They were all just so close, you could tell by the way they all stuck together even as they walked.

We got to top floor and Jeremiah knocked on the door as I took a deep breath and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans.

_Please let them like me…please let them like me…_

The door opened and a pretty woman stood there with a warm smile on her face. She didn't look like she could be more than her mid-30's but she just had this motherly feel to her as she smiled, "Good morning, kids, come on in…"

I stayed in the back, even though it didn't do no good. She shut the door and I looked around the room in awe. I hadn't ever seen nothin' this fancy before…but there were toys strewn across the carpet and a box of Cheerios on the table. Eddie was asleep on the couch with his head on Rosie's lap, Emmett and Jay were playin' Xbox, and a nice lookin' man with sandy blonde hair and a warm smile was walkin' up to us.

"Morning, kids…did you have a good time last night?"

Jeremiah nodded and reached back, grabbin' my shoulder and yankin' me up to the front, "Yeah, it was great, thanks for watchin' my boy. This is my cousin, Brandon…this is Jay's Big Daddy in law, Carlisle Cullen…"

Carlisle laughed as his hazel eyes shone brightly, he held out his hand for me, "It's so good to finally meet you, son…Jeremiah has told us so much about you…"

I didn't know if that was good or bad but his smile and friendly handshake kinda put me at ease so I smiled back as I shook his hand, "Nice to meet you too, sir…"

And then he surprised me, when he threw his other arm around my shoulder and gave me a pat on the back, "None of this sir crap, call me Carlisle…"

Jeremiah laughed, "Or Big Daddy C…"

He pulled away and smirked at Jeremiah before punching him playfully in the shoulder, "You just wish they'd call you Big Daddy J…"

Now Jeremiah chuckled and nodded, "It's my biggest hope, Daddy C…"

They were all chuckling when I heard a squeal and felt two arms wrap around me by the pretty woman that opened the door, "Oh, I'm so, so happy to finally meet you! We're going to have so much fun this week, sweetie! I'm Esme, by the way…"

It was nice to be hugged, in fact, I liked it a lot and felt myself wrapping my arms back around her and letting out a sigh, "Thank you, Esme…"

_For huggin me…for being nice to me…_

And then I heard a tiny little voice with a hint of a sleepy southern drawl, "Mornin' daddy…"

Esme let go and I looked down to see, what had to be JJ, runnin' across the room, rubbin' his eyes as Jeremiah bent down and scooped him up. I felt all the air leave my body as I watched him…he was the spittin' image of Jeremiah and seein' him in his little Batman pajamas and draggin' an old, blue blankie brought back so many memories of when he was that small.

Then a chubby little boy with black curls and a sippy cup come waddlin' up rubbin' his belly. He seen me and stopped for a second as he looked at me. My stomach dropped cuz I was sure he was gonna get scared and start cryin'…but instead, he waddled over and help up his sippy cup, "Wanna dink?"

I was kinda shocked silent.

Esme laughed as she picked up the little guy, "This is Em J, he's a very good sharer, aren't you, love bug?"

He nodded real big and then JJ's eyes flickered over to me from where his head rested on his daddy's shoulder. And for a minute, he just looked at me and I looked at him, prayin' that he wouldn't be afraid of me.

He tugged on his daddy's shirt and pointed to me, "Is dat Uncle B?"

My heart kinda swelled cuz he knew who I was.

Jeremiah nodded, "Yup, that's your Uncle B…"

Then he reached out his little arms to me and my hands were shakin' as I reached out for him.

And then I was holdin' him…

_God, he was so little and sweet…I didn't wanna ever put him down…_

"Me too, Uncle B, me too!"

My eyes raised to see little Em J squirmin' out of Esme's arms with his hands reachin' out to me. I glanced over at Rosalie before takin' him to make sure it was okay, and she just smiled and nodded softly.

So I used my other arm to hold Em J and I don't know how to even describe how I felt holdin them two little boys…I was just really happy.

JJ smiled, "Ya wanna see the picture I drew ya, Uncle B?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I'd love too, JJ."

Pointin' over at the kitchen table, I walked over there and sat down at one of the chairs while both boys crawled outta my arms and sat down on top of the table. I looked back to the others for help cuz I wasn't sure if that was safe or not and Emmett laughed, "Dude, seriously, can't keep them off the table so don't worry about it…"

I smiled and nodded as Em J grabbed a crayon and started scribblin' on some paper and JJ held up a picture,

It was all kinds of colors and stick figures with blue and green hair but it was kinda awesome…

"I seen your picture ya drew Uncle Jay so I drew one too but you forgot to put all my other Aunts and Uncle and papaw and gran'maw in it…see here's you and daddy and Aunt Suzie, Uncle Jay and Uncle Eddie…there's my Ali and Aunt Rose, Uncle Em and Uncle Beady and I made all a'ya'll kids like you was in your picture…and up here in the sky is me and Em J cuz we wasn't born yet so Uncle Eddie said we was angels…do ya like it, Uncle B? Did I do good?"

_Shit, I did not wanna cry but fuck if he wasn't a talker like his daddy and so god damn sweet that I wanted to cuddle him up forever…_

"I think that's the best picture I ever seen, JJ. You did real, real good, little man…"

He beamed and Em J pointed at two figures now, "Dat pap 'n' momo…"

JJ laughed, "It's mamaw, silly boy…with an 'A' like apple…"

Em J offered him his cup, "Dink?"

JJ shook his head, his blonde waves just a'bouncin, "No, thanks, Em J…"

"Here Uncle B, I drew it for you so you can keep it…"

He handed me the drawin' and I folded it up neatly and slipped it in my wallet, "Thanks, buddy, I love it. It was real nice of ya to think of me…"

Shruggin' his shoulders as he picked up a crayon and started drawin' with Em J, he smiled up at me with a big dimpled grin and blue eyes I'd know anywhere, "I got ya, Uncle B…we're family…"

And then he held out his fist for me to bump and I couldn't help but grin as I bumped it.

I knew I didn't quite fit in with all of them yet…but I wanted to. I wanted what they had. I wanted a family and friends and just…this. But I had to fix whatever was wrong with me 'fore I could ever feel good enough to be in this little thing they had goin…

I looked over at Carlisle who was pokin' Edward and laughin' as he groaned, "Stop, dad…still sleepy…"

Jay rolled his eyes, "Usually I'm the one they can't wake up…"

Brady was sitting by Jay and he nudged him and giggled, "I'm sure it's all your fault he's so tired, Jay…"

I watched them banter back and forth and saw the way Carlisle looked at them…at all of them with such love and happiness written all over his face.

I knew he was a doctor and he had to be a real good man…maybe he'd know what was wrong with me?

And he'd have to keep it, like, confidential and shit, right, cuz he's a doctor…

But I think if I wanted to get better and I wanted to get into this family….I had to go through him. I figured he was like the Don of the family, like how all them old gangster movies had the pater familia…he was it for this one so he was who I needed to talk to.

I'd give it a few days to make sure he seemed to like me alright but if I could get up the courage…I was gonna try and talk to him…

I grabbed a crayon and started drawin' with the boys but I tried to be discreet and catch a glimpse of Brady. And when I looked over at him, he was lookin' at me and when our eyes locked, he didn't look away…he smiled sweetly and I couldn't help but smile back.

_Yeah, I want in…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everybody! I'm still working on outtakes for LL so don't worry, they'll be coming. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**I'm Not in Love by Tori Amos (I dig this version and I think Brady would dig it too…)**

**Brady's POV**

_Well, shit…_

I could smack that bitch Britney in the back of the head because 'Oops, I did it again,' was running through my mind as I smiled at the beautiful, surprisingly deep and captivating man as he played with my little nephews…

Oops…once again, I had fallen completely and hopelessly in love with an unavailable Whitlock boy.

But this was even much, much worse than the crushes I had on Jasper and Jeremiah…even deeper than the crush I had on Emmett…and it was as inconceivable as my brief crush on Carlisle…

And it's only been one damn night…

Brandon Whitlock was heartbreakingly handsome…and so unbelievably sweet…and when he protected me throughout the night, I had never felt safer than to have him behind me, shielding me with his strapping body, built like that of a modern day Spartan reminding me that he was every bit as much a warrior…

But he wasn't just brawn and strength…he was really an enigma.

He sparked my curiosity like no one ever had because, just like his tattoo, you had to look very, very closely to see what lies beneath…and beneath the muscled exterior was a very lonely, sad boy.

It was intense how strongly I felt about him so fast but I believed that I did truly, honestly love him. Perhaps it can never be the kind of love that I want most but friends are important and from my experience, they can save your life.

Without my friends, Lord knows where I'd be right now.

I can't even describe the connection I felt with him last night…it was so unexpected. But we did connect. I know we did, I wasn't making it up in my head…it was real.

_Please don't let this be me just being delusional…he has to like me too, even if it's just as a friend…_

For as different as we are, we do share some similarities.

Our parents kicking us out as kids, for one…I was very fortunate to have people that continued to look out for me but I'm thinking that he never did…he had to go it alone and figure everything out on his own. No wonder he turned to crime…realistically, what do most homeless, teenage boys revert to? What choices do they really have?

We also shared an interest in art. He may think that those designs on his arm are just tattoos but in my eyes, they're some of the most beautiful, pieces of art I have ever seen. The intricacies and details, the thought and feeling poured into the canvas as the images hid in plain sight, holed deep inside the shadows and layers of black and gray…

_He really needs a little color in his life…_

There was much, much more to Brandon than what you first see…you had to dig through the layers to see the real story beneath and I intended to do just that because…well because I had a week to kill and I couldn't think of any better way to spend it than with him.

But my God, I was going to have to get my hormones under control. These past few months of self proclaimed celibacy from even dirty thoughts must have had me backed up because when he took off his shirt last night and scooted towards me…I was hard instantly and that hadn't happened in months…well before Joshua anyway.

That's why I had to crawl over the blanket to get my glasses and practically stick my ass in his face so I wouldn't poke his eye out if I tried to stand up.

However, in all fairness, I still had a semi from watching him undress in the reflection from the small window on the door in front of me. I never realized how incredibly sexy thighs could be. But Brandon's thighs were big and muscular…God, I could just imagine sitting on top of them, feeling them flex and harden beneath my ass…

_Shit, not now, Brady, the whole family is right here…_

I shifted a little on my spot on the floor next to Jay when Brandon's eyes flickered to mine.

God, he looked so sweet sitting there with those boys and that red crayon in his hand that I couldn't help but smile at him. He looked so happy and I imagined he was surprised that JJ knew him. But I knew that Jeremiah had pictures of him in their house and he talked about Brandon to JJ so he would know who he was when he got out. Brandon was very important to Jeremiah so it made sense that he wanted his son to be close to him as well.

And little Bruiser just followed JJ around and mimicked what he did so if Brandon was JJ's Uncle B, then he was Em J's Uncle B too. The boys were kind of a package deal.

He smiled sweetly back at me before JJ started talking to him again and he turned his attention back to him. He had been pretty quiet this morning as opposed to last night and I figured being around everyone was probably a bit overwhelming for him and he did better one on one. I understood that because being part of such a big group with strong personalities like Jay and Jeremiah could often push shyer guys like me and Eddie out of the spotlight. I didn't mind it so much though because I liked to just blend in sometimes and not be the center of attention…but sometimes it could be difficult.

_I really hope it wasn't just the alcohol last night that made it so easy to talk to him…I mean, I know I was tipsy but…_

Suzie came over and plopped down next to me, "So, we're gonna go see mama for a little while this mornin…would it hurt your feelin's if I take you over there later cuz I wanna see how bad off she is 'fore we take a bunch of people around her…"

Their mother had been very sick for awhile and I completely understood what she meant so I nodded, "Yes, sweetheart, go visit your mother and hopefully I'll get to meet her later and see your old home. You guys need some time with her…"

And maybe I could sneak in a little time with Brandon…see if that connection was still there without the cover of darkness and alcohol…

She smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek, "Thanks, honey bear."

I giggled, she always came up with the silliest pet names.

Everyone started making plans for the day. Jeremiah and Suzie were going to go visit their mother and they were taking JJ with them. Of course, Em J through his hands up and cried, "Me too, Uncle Jermy, me too!"

Emmett tried to calm him down but Jeremiah just laughed and picked him up, "He can go too, it'd probably be good for JJ to have someone to play with in case we get to talkin' and stuff…"

Alice smiled, "If you want, I can go and help you with the boys…maybe take them outside and play when they start to get restless so you can spend some time with your mom?"

Jeremiah was thankful and I still hadn't had the chance to talk to her about how things went with them last night but it would have to wait until we would all meet up later tonight for a barbecue at their grandfather's lake.

Jay, Eddie, Carlisle and Esme were going to go visit Wayne for a few hours because he would be back on the road again come Monday and they expected that I would go with them.

And Rosalie and Emmett decided to go out on a date, since they didn't get the chance to do that much anymore with Em always working or studying.

While they were all chatting, I walked over to the table and pulled out a chair next to Brandon, though wishing I could just sit on his lap and feel those strong thighs…

_Shit…no sexy thoughts about Brandon, Brady…let's keep this platonic…_

I grabbed some crayons and started drawing a rainbow, "So, um…what are you planning to do today?"

He looked up from his drawing and grinned, "Nothin…wanna hang out?"

_Oh thank God he asked me first…_

I smiled and continued drawing because in the light of day and sitting this close to him, the blue in his eyes was far too distracting…though so were the dark circles underneath.

"Yeah…I believe I owe you some help redecorating your place…um…if you were serious about wanting to paint it?"

Shrugging his shoulders, he smiled, "Sure."

_Quit doing the happy dance in your head, Brady…_

Because this was going to be tricky…everyone would find it strange that Brandon and I were going to hang out together and I really had no idea how to make it seem less awkward.

I looked over at his paper and laughed, "Is that Lightening McQueen? And Piglet?"

His cheeks turned a beautiful dark pink through the scruffy stubble, "Uh, yeah…JJ wanted Lightenin' McQueen and Em J kept sayin' 'piggy' over and over…JJ said he was sayin' Piglet…so I drew a picture of them sitting on a blanket and havin' a picnic cuz Piglet would be way too short to drive Lightenin…"

_Of course he is, darling…_

"So um, yeah, they're havin' a picnic, see, Lightenin is sippin on a gas can and Piglet well…I didn't know what he'd eat so he's playin' with a butterfly instead…"

I seriously had to bit my lip to keep from squealing, 'Aw' at the tops of my lungs because oh my God…he is too cute for words.

He was bright red now as he let out a breath and I couldn't help myself as I giggled, "That is the gayest picture I have ever seen…I love it! Can I have it?"

Now he was laughing as he signed the bottom with a big red B and handed it to me, "Might be worth somethin' someday…"

_Thank God he wasn't offended by my crass humor…_

I took it and carefully folded it up to put in my pocket, "It's already worth something to me."

And sweet Lord baby Jesus, I would never get over how he looked at me with that gorgeous grin and those sweet blue eyes that held such a surprising amount of innocence in them that completely threw me off guard.

_I wonder if I'm the only one he looks at like that…_

But Carlisle's voice causes my head to turn and my gaze is broken as I see everyone heading out the door.

"Come on boys…"

Brandon looks at me like he doesn't know what to do so I figure I can come to his rescue…I mean, I suppose he knows it's weird for us to hang out too.

"Um, actually…I promised Brandon that I'd help him paint his place today since you're all doing family stuff…"

Now Brandon came to my rescue as he nodded, "Yeah cuz I see Uncle Wayne all the time and I could use some help paintin' and he's…ya know, an art major so he's probably pretty good at it…"

It was intensely quiet and Brandon and I both stood there red faced and awkward until Esme finally asked, "Are you boys sure?"

Brandon nodded and raised his eyes from the floor to look at her, "Yes, ma'am…I promise I won't let nothin' happen to him…I'll keep him safe…"

It was quiet again and I was praying that they couldn't hear the way my heart was beating in my chest…

But then Esme smiled, "Oh, I know you'll keep him safe, sweetheart…and call me Esme. So, we'll give you a ride back to your place and then we can meet up later for the barbecue, okay?"

Nodding, we followed them out and it was just a matter of seconds before Suzie linked her arm with mine and pulled me forward while Jeremiah fell in beside Brandon a few feet back from us.

_Here we go…_

She leaned over and whispered, "What's goin' on?"

I rolled my eyes, "Nothing…"

Her blue eyes narrowed as they challenged me and I let out a breath, "What? We just got to talking last night and he mentioned that he wanted to paint his place so I offered to help….I don't get what the big deal is…"

She sighed back and whispered, "Babydoll, I know you…I seen the way you was lookin' at him…he's straight, sugar, and I just don't wanna see you pine after another guy that can't love you back…"

I opened my mouth to protest but she held up her finger and kept going, "Brady, I love you…but when I first met you, you was nursin' a crush on Emmett and then it was my brother…then that guy in Drama Club your senior year…"

Now I looked down and huffed, "He was in Drama Club! I thought he was gay!"

Her smile didn't make me feel any better, "Honey, he was always makin' out with that little red head girl…"

_God I hate when she's right…_

I looked away and pouted a little, "Well…it could've been an act…he _was _in Drama Club…"

Again with those damn blue eyes and I threw my hands up, "Fine, okay, I get it…I'm not going to fall for Brandon…"

_Because it's too late, ha! Oh wait, that's really not a good thing…_

"It's just one afternoon because I really don't want to go hang out over at Jasper's dad's house, okay? He always looks at me really strange…."

Giggling she poked me in the side, "That's cuz of the time he walked in on us and you were wearin' my PowerPuff Girls pajama pants and I had put your hair in pigtails …"

Letting out a defeated sigh, I looked up at her, "I promise I won't fall in love with him, okay? I get it…he's straight and he will never like me back as anything other than a friend, no matter what silly little things I make up in my head…I just…I think he needs a friend, Suzie and that's all I want to be…"

With my ego and confidence thoroughly deflated, I felt utterly stupid because she was right…God, she was so right. I always fall head over heels and think that this one is going to be the answer to all my problems…I read way more into things than are ever really there…if I don't reign this is now, it will crush me when I leave and go home.

She wraps her arm around me and tells me she loves me and she just doesn't want me to hurt because I'm too special…blah blah blah…

I mean, I know that I'm special to her and my friends but that doesn't alleviate the dull ache in my chest.

Because I've never even had a real boyfriend and the only time I've ever had sex, it really sucked and I just know it's got to be better, right? But maybe it'll never get better for me and I'll be stuck just like this forever…the adorable side kick…

_Ugh…stop, no pity party, Brady…this is your Spring Break and you're going to have fun if it kills you_…

I manage a quick glance to Brandon now as Jeremiah and Suzie go to one car and we start to pile in the other and even though he looks kind of sad, he still offers me a sweet smile and I give him one back. If we're comfortable enough to be friends, why is it so hard for everyone else?

And then I let out another deep sigh as Jay sits in the very back next to Brandon and Edward sits next to me.

Edward tells me basically all of the same things Suzie said and God only knows what Jeremiah and Jay are telling Brandon.

_Oh my God, what if they're telling him to watch out for me crushing on him?_

I know they're just worried about me but now I'm depressed and embarrassed and thinking this was a bad, bad idea.

But then I get goosebumps when he leans forward and whispers in my ear, "Look, horsies…"

Looking over out the window, I see a field of horses and it makes me smile.

Once we get to his place, we both get out of the SUV and stand there awkwardly as they say good-bye and Esme calls me over.

Taking in a deep breath, I slowly let it out as I await the next onslaught of concern that will probably make me want to jump in front of the next passing car.

But she leans out the window and pulls me into a hug as she slips a wad of cash in my hand and whispers, "If you need any more, use the credit card I gave you. Now go and bring a little beauty in that boy's life, darling, because there is no one better than you at making things beautiful…"

I hug her back, so very thankful for her presence in my life because she was a better mom to me then mine had ever been.

Carlisle smiles as I pull away, "Well, we'll see you boys tonight, 6 o'clock at the lake. Call if you need anything, okay?"

We both nodded and said good-bye as they finally pulled off down the street.

Brandon and I both just stood there a minute awkwardly unsure of what to do next and I couldn't help from blurting out, "Was that not the most awkward thing ever?"

He was quiet for a minute before he shrugged and grinned down at me, "Not really, I mean, have you ever been told to spread 'em and cough?"

_Holy crap, was that a prison joke?_

_Awesome…_

My cheeks flushed as I stared at him with big eyes and my mouth gaping open before I laughed, "No!"

Now he was laughing as he nudged my shoulder, "That's way more awkward."

_Oh my God, he's got a twisted sense of humor too…could he be any more perfect?_

"Feel better now?"

I couldn't stop giggling as I nodded, "Yes…"

He looked down at me and smiled, "Good…so um…do we need to go to, like, a Home Depot or somethin'?"

All of the tension and awkwardness melted away and I smiled up at him, "That'll work. Have you thought about what colors you want to use?"

Shaking his head, he walked over and opened the passenger door, holding out his hand.

_God, he's such a sweet, southern gentleman… _

I took his hand and hopped in as he spoke, "Not really…I mean, I figured you know what you're doin'…"

Once I was in, he shut my door, walked around to his side and jumped in next to me. I raised an eyebrow and smirked, "You're really going to let me have reign over your place?"

He just smiled, "Yeah…I trust you…I'll bet you'll make it so damn pretty I might never wanna leave…"

I couldn't stop myself from bouncing a little because I really loved that he trusted me to decorate his home for him.

But I suppose that's because it's really not a home, not yet anyway but when I'm done with it, he'll feel at home.

We chatted on the way to the home improvement store about our jobs and my school and it was easy…comfortable…like we had been friends our whole lives. I was so relieved that even in the light of day and without the alcohol, we still got along really well.

I did notice though that he drove to a Home Depot that was out of town and I figured it was because he didn't want to be seen with me in his hometown. I couldn't say that I blamed him but it was disappointing nonetheless.

However, he did make up for it during our little shopping trip by never leaving my side and giving menacing glares to anyone who snickered or stared too long. I was used to it from high school so I just put on my bitch mask and ignored it but I noticed how one look from the beast of a man next to me and people would stop mid-slur…

I loved it.

For as gorgeous as the man was, he could transform into a monster with one look from those cold, steel-gray eyes and a vicious little snarl on those dark pink lips…

_Shit, simmer down, Brady…simmer down… _

The thing I liked best though, was that he didn't say anything about it or acknowledge it other than the glares because if he didn't talk about it then neither would I. It was embarrassing and demeaning and so if we didn't talk about it then I could just pretend that it doesn't happen.

I think I learned that from my parents.

But luckily, most people just ignored us and soon we were at the check out. He started to pull out his wallet when I stopped him and smiled, "I've got it."

He shook his head and leaned down to whisper, "I ain't lettin' you pay, Brady…you don't come from rich folks and you work at a coffee shop…I probably make more than you and that's not sayin' much…"

So I just whispered back, "Esme gave me a boat load of money before I left to be able to do this for you so don't worry about it…"

He tried to argue but I just ignored him.

I handed the cashier the money and when we were walking out, he nudged me, "Why would she do that? She don't even know me…"

Smiling up at him, I spoke, "Esme used to be an interior designer before they adopted Edward. She believes that your home should be a comforting place because you spend so much time there. I know you're new to all of this but trust me, the Cullen's like helping us all out, we're really their only family and that includes you now. So, don't be surprised if they buy you things or want to help you…that's just how they are. They're good people and money really means very little to them…"

His eyebrows furrowed as we started loading up his truck, "Edward's adopted?"

"Yeah, Jay never told you?"

He shook his head and once again, helped me into his behemoth of a truck before sliding in the other side.

The window was down and I heard someone yell 'Faggot' so I just looked down as my face heated up, hoping that he would just ignore it but I felt his hand reach over and grab mine, squeezing softly, "They're just ignorant assholes…you know that, right?"

I lifted my eyes as he let go and I nodded, "Yeah, I know…it's not a big deal, anyway I can just ignore it and I'm used to it…"

Now he turned to me and sighed, "Ignorin' it don't make it hurt no less, Brady…I know it hurts you…it hurts me _for _you…you're so nice and so sweet…you don't deserve none of them bad things they say…and if I wasn't on parole, I'd be bustin' some heads today but that ain't gonna make it any better either…you're better than all of 'em, just don't forget that, okay?"

Now I couldn't help but smile back at him as my heart fluttered, "God, you're so nice, Brandon…you're really different than how I thought you'd be…"

He grinned and raised an eyebrow, "How'd you think I'd be?"

Shrugging and looking away, I could feel my cheeks heating again, "I don't know just…different…"

And then my heart stopped when I felt thick calloused fingertips slide along my chin, lifting my eyes back to his, "Good different or bad different?"

I felt like I could barely breathe with his fingertips on my face and his baby blue eyes staring into mine like whatever I said, it would be the most important answer to any question ever asked.

Smiling, I whispered breathlessly, "Good…"

A beautiful dimpled grin broke out on his stubble covered face and he nodded, "Well, alright then…"

_God, he's not flirting with you…he's not flirting with you…the Whitlock's are just touchy-feely people…it doesn't mean anything…_

Moments later, we were on the road again when he looked over at me, "So, you hungry? I know a real good little Mexican place on the way home…it's kinda a dive but they got good food…"

I smiled, "Sure, I'm always hungry…"

He nodded and grinned, "Cool…and I'm payin' so don't give me no stuff about it, ya hear me?"

Giggling, I nodded back, "Okay, you can pay…"

We talked a little more on the way and listened to old country on his radio because he liked it. I wasn't much of a country music fan but I did enjoy some of it, having been forced to listen to it quite frequently because of Suzie.

She was a big Dolly Parton fan and I found myself agreeing with her on that one because Dolly was a diva and I loved all the old divas.

So when I heard the beginning of Islands in the Stream, I may have squealed a bit. He reached for the knob and out of instinct, I smacked his hand away and blurted out, "No, don't change it, it's Dolly!"

He held up his hands in mock surrender and laughed, "Never woulda took you for a Dolly fan…"

I shrugged as I turned it up, "She's awesome…and Kenny Rogers isn't bad either…"

He smiled, "Kenny's the man…I actually really like this song…"

Closing my eyes, I swayed my shoulders and got ready to start singing when I heard his voice.

"Baby when I met you there was peace unknown…I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb, I was soft inside…there was somethin' going on…"

I opened my eyes and gaped openly at him as he winked and smiled, "I reckon you're gonna do Dolly's part, huh?"

Smirking, I flipped my hair and began singing, "You do something to me that I can't explain…hold me closer and I feel no pain…every beat of my heart…we got somethin' goin on…"

_God, I wish we had something going on…_

He was laughing now as he reached over and grabbed my hand, swaying his shoulders to the music as he sang out the next part, "Tender love is blind…it requires a dedication…all this love we feel, needs no conversation…"

His big strong hand felt so good holding onto mine as we both started bouncing around and singing the next part.

"We ride it together, ah-ah…Makin' love with each other, ah-ah…"

Our eyes caught each other as we sang and he dropped my hand and started blushing furiously, probably realizing what he just sang to me.

The mood was changed now and he reached forward turning down the music as he glanced over at me, "Do you got a boyfriend back home?"

I shook my head and looked out the window, hating to think about my miserable disaster of a love life, "No…I've never really had a boyfriend…"

"How come?"

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed, "Trust me, it's not from lack of trying…"

"I figured you'd have all kinds of guys linin' up to take you out…"

That made me laugh humorlessly, "Yeah, right…"

"Look over here at me…"

My whole body was on fire as I lifted my eyes to his, slightly annoyed by the topic, "What?"

He let out a breath and caught my eyes with his, "Any guy would be lucky to have you, Brady…"

I was so embarrassed because it was obvious he was just trying to let me down gently. I mean, I had heard this from Jasper and Jeremiah, luckily Emmett was kind enough to never even bring it up. I raised an eyebrow and huffed, "What did your cousins say to you before we left this morning?"

We pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and he turned off the engine and sat there a second before turning his whole body to me, "They wanted me to take ya outta town to go shoppin' cuz it's real bad here…I know it _was _bad but it weren't nothin' compared to how mean people in this town are…and they wanted to make sure that I'd keep ya safe cuz they know that people sayin' nasty things to ya, brought ya down…and…"

He stopped and looked down and I felt the air leave my body as I whispered, "And?"

"They said that you might get a crush on me…and I should let ya down easy…"

I was mortified as I whispered, "Assholes…"

He reached over and grabbed my hand, "They just worry about you, is all…"

Ripping my hand from his, I fixed my hair in the mirror and muttered, "Well, I don't have a crush on you so you don't have to worry…"

His voice came out fast, "I wasn't worried, I just…"

Rolling my eyes, I opened the door and hopped out, "It's fine, really, Brandon but I am capable of being around a man without falling completely in love with him…and besides…you're not even my type…"

My stomach was in knots as I lied so easily and spitefully but I was doing him a favor so he wouldn't feel bad about crushing the poor, lovesick gay boy.

He was still sitting there, obviously feeling bad about his lack of feelings for me as he whispered, "I'm not?"

I was fuming at Jeremiah and Jasper for humiliating me like this…I mean, he doesn't even know me and God knows what he must think of me now…

I lifted my chin defiantly, "Nope…so there's no reason this has to be awkward or anything…"

But it _was _awkward now as he just sat there. Unable to stop myself, I pulled out my phone and speed dialed Jasper.

"Brady, ya okay, man?"

"No, I'm not okay, Jasper. I can't even…why would you tell Brandon to watch out for me crushing on him? Do you have any idea how stupid I feel right now?"

"I'm sorry, Brady but I was worried…"

Crossing my arm across my chest to ease the ache, I huffed out, "You don't have to worry about me, I'm not a child. And yeah I had crushes on you guys but it was because you were really nice to me and looked out for me but I never crossed the line with any of you, Jasper…."

"Brady, that's not what I was worried about, man…shit, okay, I know you better than I know him. I love him and I know he's a good guy but I wasn't sure how he was gonna react if people acted like assholes or if he was gonna get upset with you over a silly remark or somethin'…I just wanted to make sure he wasn't gonna hurt you cuz I love you man…Jeremiah knows him better than I do and even he wasn't sure how he was gonna really react around gay guys. I haven't hung out with him since I was a kid and he's been cool on the phone but you know I'm protective and shit, especially of you…you're my little guy…"

I let out a breath, "Jasper, I understand you were coming from a good place but I feel so stupid now…God, he probably thinks I'm completely insane…"

"Actually he told me that he asked you to hang out, not the other way around and that he liked you…thought you were funny and he wanted to be your friend cuz you made him laugh and was nice and shit…he stuck up for you against me and Jeremiah both so I reckon he'll take care of you alright…"

My stomach was tied all up in knots as I looked over at him. He was still sitting in the truck with his head hung down and looking so sad. I couldn't understand why though…it's not like I was mad at him for being straight or something.

"Okay, well I have to go, Jay…"

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelin's…are we okay, man?"

"Yeah, we're okay. I'll see you later, Jay."

"Later Brady."

And now things were _really _awkward as I looked over at him and tried to catch my breath, "Um…did you still want to eat?"

I didn't want things to be strained with us…we were getting along so well and I think he was genuinely having fun with me till I opened my big mouth.

He nodded and got out of the truck, slowly walking behind me but still reaching out over my head and opening the door like a gentleman.

By the time we actually sat down in a small booth, I was in full blown panic mode. I needed to get away for a minute and compose myself before single handedly ruining the entire day with him.

"Excuse me…I have to pee…"

Jumping up, I practically ran to the restroom and went to the sink. I put my hands on the counter and took a few deep breaths.

_Shit…shit…calm down, Brady…deep breaths…God, I'm so stupid and awkward…and I really wonder why I've never had a boyfriend…_

_No, no, no…fight it, Brady…_

Raising my head, I looked in the mirror and whispered through shallow breaths, "You are the fairest princess in all the land…adored and loved by all…smart and beautiful and… _Holy Shit _what are you doing in here?"

Brandon had opened the door and walked in as I jumped and held my hand over my aching chest.

"Uh…well it's the men's room and I'm a guy so I think it's okay…"

_Oh, of course…_

I let out a breath and turned back to the mirror, "Right, sorry, I usually go in the girls room with Suzie so I…never mind…"

Turning back to the mirror, I closed my eyes and drew in a breath when I heard his soft sweet voice, "Are you mad at me?"

Groaning, I shook my head and whispered shakily, "No…"

God, I was trembling now and fighting back the tears as I wished that Em was here to hug me…

"We're friends, right?"

I nodded, unable to speak for fear of just crumbling in on myself.

I could feel him…his presence lingered lazily on my skin, covering me like a blanket before his hands ever slid hotly across my cheeks. His rough fingers weaved gently in my hair as he eased me forward slowly, whispering, "C'mere, Brady…you're shakin' like a little leaf…"

And he didn't have to tell me twice as I threw my arms around his waist and buried my head in his chest. I gasped at the way he cocooned me in warmth and strength, his big strong body just wrapping around me as I fit so snug in his arms.

_Wow…this is even better than an Emmett hug…_

I could feel the shakes dissipating as I breathed him in…he smelled like fresh cut grass and a musky light cologne and so completely man…

Everything else slowly faded away and I opened my mouth to let out a sigh of relief as his big, rough hands rubbed so gently on my back and shoulders as he whispered, "You okay, Brady?"

Holding him tighter, I nodded against his chest and marveled at how big and strong and gentle and sweet he was…

The very last thing I wanted to do was to let him go but I felt better now and he had been really sweet through my little bitch fest so sheepishly I pulled away and looked up at him, "I'm sorry for the way I was acting…I just…sometimes get defensive…I don't mean to be so…bitchy…"

He smiled but it wasn't the grin that I was becoming so accustomed to, "It's okay…I didn't mean to hurt your feelin's…I don't think nothin' bad of you, Brady…in fact, I…uh…I think that…um…"

For some reason, he was becoming flustered and I figured that the poor boy had no idea how to deal with a crazy little bitch like me so I smiled and put my hand on his arm, "It's okay, Brandon…I know that I can be a handful sometimes but thank you for being patient. You've been a very good friend to me. Can we just forget this now and go eat or if I embarrassed you , we can leave?"

He still didn't look any happier again as he whispered, "I'm not embarrassed by you…are you embarrassed by me?"

Now I was really confused as I looked at him, "Why on earth would I be embarrassed of you?"

Looking down at the ground, he shoved his hands in his pockets and spoke softly, "Cuz I'm big and fat…dumb…cuz I'm a felon…cuz most everybody in this neighborhood walks the other direction if they see me comin…"

Did he really think those things about himself?

"Brandon…you made a mistake and you did your time, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance and I would never hold that against you. And please don't take this as a come on, but the way that you can just shut a person down mid-sentence with one look is like…the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen…"

He was holding onto himself but he blushed a little and I couldn't help but smile up into those soft baby blue eyes, "And you're not dumb…there are different kinds of smarts, book smarts and street smarts…I'm book smart but have literally no street smarts what-so-ever…but you, you survived on the streets and I have no doubt in mind that you could handle just about anything because you've got all kinds of street smarts."

Now he smiled, just a little and I let out a sigh as I got lost in that sweet smile and those pretty eyes, "And I don't know where you got this 'fat' business but your body is…"

I trailed off as I bit my lip and looked at his chest through his snug white t-shirt, remembering the curves of his biceps…the strength and definition of his chest…the pale blonde hair that lightly covered it before trailing down his stomach and dipping underneath those damn sweats he wore last night.

My voice was breathless and raspy as I stared half dazed at him while thoughts of him shirtless ran through my dirty little mind, "Your body is perfection…your big, strong arms…your hard, broad chest…your sexy stomach, God, Brandon you are without a doubt the most gorgeous man I have ever seen…"

His voice mirrored my own as it came out soft and raspy, "But I thought I wasn't your type…"

Letting out a small chuckle, I looked up at him and shrugged, "I lied. You're my exact type…"

And finally, his grin was back, "Yeah?"

"Hell yeah…"

_Shit, shit, shit…straight boy, Brady…wait…if he's straight why is he grinning like that? Maybe he feels it too…maybe he could like me the way I like him…_

_Ugh, no, don't make shit up in your head, Brady…stop it now…_

Steeling my nerves, I offered him a small smile back and tried to keep my voice from trembling as I looked up at him, "But I know that there's a line, Brandon, and I promise not to cross it, okay? See…"

I took a step back and pointed my toe, sliding it across a line on the tile floor and chuckled nervously. I watched him for a moment study that line and I prayed that I hadn't already overstepped it with my comments.

And then he took a step forward, his toes clearly over the line as he looked down at me, the smile gone and the eyes darkened into a deep, rich cobalt.

_Holy shit…I am not making this shit up in my head…_

_He just crossed the line._


	6. Chapter 6

**Big thanks to all of you for being so awesome and loving these boys, even if they aren't Eddie and Jay. Thanks to my partner in pervy crime, Maria, for pre-reading and hashing out the smut with me.**

**Breathe Me by Sia and Lust by the Raveonettes**

**Brandon's POV**

It took me a long fuckin' time to cross that line and I wasn't even sure I was ready for it but I was in too deep to turn back now. I hadn't planned on makin' any moves cuz I know he's leavin' but when Jay told me that he thought Brady might have a little crush on me, I needed to know.

That's why I started talkin' to him about past boyfriend's cuz I was tryin' to work my way up to tellin' him that I liked him too…but that shit backfired big time.

I can't even describe the blow I felt when he said I wasn't his type, it felt like someone ripped a hole in my gut and it hurt…really fuckin' bad.

But I decided that even if he didn't want me like I wanted him, I still wanted to be his friend cuz when he wasn't all mad, he made me feel good.

I hadn't really felt good in…forever.

So, I followed him to the bathroom to tell him just that but God, he was shakin' and every little word that came outta his mouth was soft and trembly…like he was gonna fall apart if someone didn't hold him together.

And shit, holdin' him in my arms, his little head buried in my chest…was about the closest thing to happiness I had ever felt…

Then he started sayin' all these really nice things about me…and I wondered if that's really how he thought about me cuz maybe if he seen 'em then I could see 'em too.

I wanted to feel good…I just didn't know how.

I have never felt a moment of pure joy before but when he looked up at me with that sexy, dazed smile and said he lied, I was his exact type…that was pure joy.

And when he drew that line, I knew that Angel had been right…

_By the time Hotel California ended, we were out at the lake. I knew we only had a couple hours till I had to take him back so we both ended up lying on the hood of the car I had stolen, lookin' at the stars and smokin' a join that he brought._

_He was cuddled up in my arms as he gazed up at the sky, "This is perfect…a perfect night…"_

_I smiled down at him and nodded, "Yeah…wish we could just stay here…"_

_Sighing, he turned his gaze to me and offered a sad smile, "Yeah, me too…but it's not written in the stars for us…"_

_Sometimes he confused the hell outta me and I furrowed my brows as he looked back to the stars, "Why not? I'm here…I came back for you…"_

_His pretty brown eyes sparkled in the moonlight as he smiled up at the stars, "But for just a moment before you're gone again…and that's okay, mi loco guero…I'm like a star in the sky, shining bright a million miles away…and I'll always be up there, stuck hanging there for everyone to see and remember even after I've burned out…but you, my sweet, are like a comet…moving fast and burning hot leaving a trail of fire in your path…but comets are rare and beautiful and you can never ever forget them…so wherever you are, you can look up and see me there and I can remember how hot and dazzling you were as you shot by me…"_

_The boy had a way of makin' things sound pretty even if I had no idea what he was sayin', "I don't understand, Angel…"_

_Now he titled his head and kissed my lips as he whispered, "We're not meant to be together forever…just a little while…but you know that I love you…and one day, you'll be ready for your forever but right now…you're just burning too hot and too fast, sweetheart…"_

_My arms trembled as I held onto him and whispered back against his lips, "But you're the only one I want…and I couldn't ever put myself out there for anyone else…you took the first step and kissed me…I could never do that…you're so brave…"_

_He smiled and held me tighter as he sighed, "Oh yes, you can and you will…when you're done burning up the night sky, you'll be braver and stronger than you could ever imagine…and when you find your forever, baby…you'll be able to take that step and cross that line…"_

_I shook my head and held him tighter, "But I can't…I can't be as brave as you…"_

_Cuz I can use my fists all day long, but if my heart breaks it might kill me._

_His body trembled as he chuckled and lifted my chin to look into my eyes, "It has nothing to do with bravery…when you find what you need, you'll have no choice, baby, you'll just take that step because the force of gravity will move you…just like it moved me when I first kissed you…I needed that…to just know that you would kiss me back…you gave me just what I needed and some day you'll find just what you need…and your feet will move by force of your heart…just remember this, mi loco guero…I'll always be looking down at you from my place in the stars and I'll be so very disappointed if you defy your heart forever…I'll move your feet for you, if I have too…"_

_And in my heart, I knew I couldn't have him forever but for just a little while, he was mine. And he always gave me what I needed so even if we weren't together, I trusted that he'd still give me what I needed because he was my best friend…my only friend really. _

_So, if he said we wasn't meant to be together, I believed him…but it still hurt._

"_Promise?"_

"_I promise, mi amor…"_

So when Brady drew that line, my feet moved…without even really thinking about it because I needed this…I needed him, if even for just a little while.

I only prayed that he needed me too.

And when I crossed the line and looked down at him, my breath caught by how his big cocoa eyes looked up at me in complete confusion and I wondered how could he possibly not _know _how I feel about him…

Cuz I feel like when he looks at me, I'm turned inside out and he can see everything plain as day…

But I guess it's possible that he doesn't, so I guess I'm just gonna have to tell him cuz I had an even shorter time with him than I did with Angel and this time, I wasn't gonna waste any of it…

I still wasn't sure if I was all the way gay or not but I wasn't scared of it, if I was…cuz Brady was right, I had street smarts and I could always find a way to make it through…

Raising my hand slowly to his cheek, I let out a sigh of relief as his breath hitches and his eyes flutter for just a second until he laughs, light and airy, "You crossed the line…"

His hand reached up slowly until finally it rested on my shoulder…but then it trailed down my bicep until his fingers finally found skin and began tracing the lines of my tats.

He had the softest skin and standing this close to him, I could smell the faint scent of cocoa butter again. Both of my hands trailed down now, sliding slow around his little waist and pulling him just a little closer as I smiled, "Fuck that line…"

That hole deep in the pit of my stomach doesn't feel so gaping because it wasn't a hole at all…I was just missing a piece and Brady fits there perfectly.

His hands slide over my biceps and onto my chest when he gasps, gripping my t-shirt, he buries his face in my chest and whispers, "This is real, right? I'm not making this up?"

And I hated that he doubted himself…I knew that everyone was only lookin' out for him but they undermined his confidence when they treated him like a baby. He wasn't a baby…he was young, for sure, six, almost seven years younger than me and so innocent but I could see that fire in him…like a comet, he burned fast and hot…and I was really gonna enjoy this brief moment that we were shooting by each other…

I laughed shakily as I struggled to keep my hands from moving faster than the rest of me, and whispered, "Feels pretty fuckin' real to me…"

Keeping one arm around his waist, I was already leaning over and I took his chin in my other hand, lifting his face towards mine. We were close now and those pretty eyes were half lidded while those soft lips trembled and I smiled through my own heavy eyes and whispered through a shallow breath, "Will you be mad at me if I kiss you?"

Through shaky breaths and a soft smile he laughed, "I'll be mad at you if you _don't _kiss me…"

A soft chuckle left my throat before I watched his eyes flutter shut…then I closed mine and took that final step.

And in that moment, it was amazing to me how just one little step pushed me forward for miles and miles…

I had never felt lips so smooth and so soft…

It took a moment for the initial shock to wear off before I puckered my lips and he kissed them gently back.

Then I felt his fingers move up my chest, along my neck and tangling in my hair as he pulled himself up on his toes, gasping as my hands trailed down from his waist and grabbed hold of the finest ass they had ever had the pleasure of squeezing.

I hadn't really kissed anyone since Angel…I mean, I had kissed a few girls here and there but I didn't really _kiss _them…not like this…it felt like he was stealin' my breath away as he clung to me, desperately trying to just get a little more.

And I was much obliged to give it to him…

It was easy pulling him up and pushing him against the bathroom door. When his back hit the door, his legs quickly wrapped around me and he gasped from above me now as I held him up easily with one arm and the other hand pressed against the top of the door so no one could walk in and steal this moment from us.

His arms tightened around my neck as he pulled and I pushed to get closer. Brushing my tongue along his bottom lip, he gasped again and I pushed it past those sweet lips and got a taste of my boy for the first time.

He tasted like candy and I had one hell of a sweet tooth. And with his legs wrapped tight around my waist and him pulling to get me closer, I could feel myself getting hard.

Now he gasped and pulled away to look at me through wide eyes and flushed cheeks, panting from soft, swollen lips.

I laughed, breathless, "That real enough for ya?"

He let out a little chuckle before pressing his lips back to mine, moaning softly as I kissed him deep.

That little soft moan went right through me and he pushed against me again. I felt him hard through those little tight jeans he was wearin' and it felt crazy and wonderful and unexpected but not confusing…not scary…

He was drivin' me wild as he tugged on my hair and his fingers dug into my shoulders as he breathed life back into me.

All those years of a wasted life, filled with day after day of nothingness didn't seem so bad as long as he was kissin' me…I'd go through a million more to get another moment as visceral as this one.

But the feel of the door being pushed against my hand, reminded me that this really is very real.

Reluctantly our lips parted and we just looked at each other for a moment. And then he smiled, his cheeks dark pink and his pretty lips swollen as he panted softly and looked at me like I was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.

I smiled back, hopin' that he'd see the same thing when he looked at my face. And then I leaned in and pecked his lips once more before letting him down to his feet. He was a little wobbly and I made sure he was steady 'fore I let go and pulled open the door.

An old man rushed past us and I put my hand on the small of Brady's back, easing him forward cuz it was like he forgot how to walk or something.

I kept my hand there, guiding him back to our booth until he finally took a seat and I slid in across from him. The place was just a little hole in the wall and there was hardly ever anyone there but I was cool with the owner so I knew it was safe here.

He still looked like he was in shock but I didn't think the quiet was a bad thing. The waitress walked over and I knew who she was as she smiled and spoke to me in Spanish, saying hi and asking what we wanted.

Since he was still gazing at me with glossy wide eyes and hadn't spoken yet, I went ahead and ordered us an appetizer and two Dr. Peppers.

When she left, he raised an eyebrow and smiled, "You know Spanish?"

I just nodded and smiled back as he laughed softly and looked down at the table, "I'm sorry, I'm just…surprised…"

Leaning over the table a bit, I whispered, "Surprised cuz I know Spanish or surprised cuz I kissed ya so good?"

His eyes shot up now and he really started laughing as he shook his head and beamed at me, "Surprised by all of it…by you…"

Now he leaned a little closer and whispered, "Are you gay?"

That made me chuckle and I shrugged, "I'm guessin' I ain't straight as an arrow…"

He still seemed to be a little shocked as he looked over at me and tilted his sweet little face in confusion, "Your cousins don't know?"

I shook my head, "No…and I ain't ready to tell 'em yet so could we maybe…"

Quietly he spoke, "Keep it a secret?"

I nodded, "Yeah…just cuz I don't wanna make things harder on myself if I'm stuck in this town for four more years…and cuz I don't want Jeremiah to worry to death about me…as crazy as that boy is, he'd probably try and move back here or some shit so I wouldn't be alone when ya'll left…he'd feel guilty, I know him and he's doin' real good right now…I don't want me hangin' over his head…"

Slowly he nodded back and looked away for a moment before taking a breath and finally looking over at me, "Am I an experiment? Are you confused?"

I reached over and grabbed his hand, running my thumb across his knuckles, I smiled, "You're not an experiment…you ain't the first boy I've kissed…I can honestly say that all I've ever done with another boy is kiss them but when I look at you…"

_God he was gorgeous…_

"When I look at you…I may not know exactly how to do all the things I wanna do with you, Brady, but I sure as fuck wanna do them…there ain't no confusion in that…"

His pretty little mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide before he started giggling. Burying his face in his hands, he laughed, "I can't believe this is really happening…"

Just then, the waitress came back and dropped off our appetizer, I told her to give us a few minutes cuz we wasn't ready to order yet.

When she was gone, he smiled at me, "So, can I ask you something?"

I smiled back, "I'll tell you anything you wanna know."

He nodded softly and was quiet for a moment before he leaned over and asked, "What do you think of me? Truthfully…"

That was easy…

"I think that you've got the nicest ass of anyone I've ever seen…"

He laughed and I smiled as I leaned forward, "I like you, Brady…a lot and I know we ain't got a lot of time together so I'm not expecting to be…like a great love of your life or anything but I want what I can get…cuz I barely even know you but you can make me laugh like I ain't laughed in ages…and I can't stop myself from smilin' every time I see you smilin' at me…cuz it's so fuckin' easy to just talk to you and I can honestly say that I ain't ever talked to nobody easy like you…and I kinda like when you act like a right bitch cuz you shouldn't let nobody bring you down…"

His cheeks were still flushed and his eyes were glossy and so fuckin' pretty that I just kept ramblin', "

"And I like your cute little rainbow toes…and the way you flip your hair when you're gettin' sassy…I like that you can eat as much as I do and I like it when you sing and I love to hear you talk…"

And for the love of God, he bit that plump little bottom lip and a deep blush came to them caramel colored cheeks and I just couldn't stop spillin' my guts out to the boy…

"I like that you cried for me and you don't even know me…and I love the way you raise your chin like a stubborn little brat when you're pissed and how your voice gets all light and breathy when you're nervous…I like that you love art and that you always try to find somethin' you like in everything…"

Then I leaned over the table and whispered, "And if you don't stop bitin' that lip, I'm gonna come over there and bite it for you cuz you're drivin' me fuckin' crazy…"

Immediately he took in a breath and let that poor lip go as the blood rushed back to it, makin' it all swollen and red and fuck did I wanna bite it now…

He still looked shocked as he smiled and whispered, "I'm driving you crazy?"

I couldn't stop lookin' at that lip as I nodded, "You're the sexiest little thing I've seen in my whole life, Brady…"

Looking down at his hands on the table, he still held a huge grin as he whispered, "I've been called 'cute' before but never 'sexy'…"

Reaching over, I squeezed his hand and whispered, "When you were struttin' down the hallway with Suzie this mornin…I couldn't even focus on what Jeremiah was sayin' to me cuz I couldn't keep my eyes off your ass…you're sexy as hell, Brady…I've never wanted anybody the way I want you…"

This is how I liked him best, with a grin so wide I'm sure it hurt his cheeks. His sweet, soft voice answered me back, "God, Brandon…how is this even possible? I keep expecting to wake up from some crazy dream at any moment…because you are too perfect for words…you are the sexiest, sweetest man I've ever met and I love the way you lit up when you were explaining your tattoo design, the pride you took in creating something so beautiful and deep that most people will never even see the meaning behind…"

He leaned forward, resting his chin from his elbow on the table and sighed so soft and sweet that it gave me goose bumps, "…and I like that you think of things like Piglet not being able to reach Lightening's pedals…and I love your sense of humor and that you can tell prison jokes…and I adore the way you smiled when you held JJ and Em J…I love that you stood up for me to Jasper and Jeremiah and that people will stop insulting me the moment you snap your eyes to them…and maybe the thing I love most is that I don't have to guess how you feel about me…you just told me more than I would've ever guessed and it's nice to actually know…this is real…and I've never wanted anyone the way I want you…"

Now I was the one smilin' so wide my cheeks hurt…I had never been this happy before.

He started nibbling on the food in front of him before he smiled shyly at me, "So, um…what exactly are we talking about here…I mean, what do you expect to happen between us?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, I've never done nothin' like this before…but I wanna spend as much time with you as I can 'fore ya leave and I wanna know everything about you…can I ask you somethin'?"

He smiled, "Anything."

"Are you a virgin?"

Knowin' that he liked me too was making me much bolder than I had ever been before with anyone…but I couldn't help it…I wanted him…bad. And I didn't wanna bullshit him…I wanted him to know so he wouldn't have no doubts…

Again his eyes went wide and he drew in a quick breath before lookin' down at the table and shaking his head, "Um, no…I've done it once but…it wasn't very good…I may not be very good at it…"

Nudging his foot, I whispered, "Look up here at me…"

His eyes lifted and I didn't like the way he looked when he was embarrassed…he should always be happy, "Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"

There was that beautiful grin I loved, "You're serious, aren't you?"

I grinned back, "As a heart attack…but we don't have to do nothin' you don't wanna do…I just really wanna get to know you but we ain't got a lot of time so however far you're willin' to go, I'm willin' to go too…but I'd be content with kissin' and cuddlin' if that's all you wanna do…"

His face was red but he couldn't stop grinning, "Wow…um, okay…I don't even…have the words…"

I laughed and nudged him again, "Hey, it's not like I wanna take you back to my place right this minute…well, I mean I wouldn't be opposed to it but how 'bout we just start by havin' lunch together and see what happens from there?"

But then he gave me a sexy bitch smirk and raised an eyebrow, "Tell me something…did you smell my hair last night when you helped me up?"

Now I was blushin' as I grinned at him, "Yeah…you smell really, really good…like cocoa butter…"

"That's the lotion I use…it makes my skin really soft…want to feel?"

He slid his hand across the table as he smiled and I liked it when he was confident enough to flirt.

With just the tips of my fingers, I brushed them across his palm and it felt like I was runnin' my fingers over silk. I heard him take in a little shallow breath as I moved them over his wrist and up the inside of his arm until he shivered and I smiled, "You're right…your skin is really soft…"

He skin broke out in goose bumps as he slowly pulled away, "Uh...so, um, what do you want to eat?"

Grabbing a menu, he flipped it open and I just watched as he then put it down and smiled while rolling his pretty little eyes, "It's in Spanish…"

I smiled, "Tell me what you want and I'll get it for you."

That cute little smirk was back as he nibbled on the end of his straw, "You can order for me…I trust you…"

So I called the waitress over and ordered for us. She was an older woman with pretty eyes and a kind smile, she reminded me of how a grandma should be.

We both finally started in on the appetizer and just started talking.

"So, the people seem friendly here…I mean, you said that most people turn away from you…"

I nodded, "Yeah I'm cool with the owner…I was locked up with his kid and I helped him out a few times…he told his dad and when I got out, I just happened to stop in here one day and he knew who I was…cuz everyone does but he thanked me and told me I could come here anytime if I needed to get away from the rest of the town…"

He was playin' with his straw as he sighed, "What did you do to help his son…but um, if you don't want to tell me…"

Sighing, I looked down at my hands on the table, "Uh…we were in the yard this one time and these guys had him cornered, and people standin' watch over them while they…were tryin' to…"

He gasped and I kept goin, "Yeah, so I seen 'em standin' in that circle and knew they had him over there and he had only been in a couple days, I had been in four years already…and he was a little guy, not much bigger than you…so anyway, I was standin' with my guys and they owed me a favor cuz I didn't snitch on them 'bout some shit they did and I got nine months added to my sentence…"

I was getting' flustered cuz I had never talked about prison or anything really and now that I started, it just all wanted to pour out so I could get rid of it…it was toxic and I was getting myself clean.

Reaching over, he placed his hand on mine and squeezed, "You don't have to tell me…"

I shook my head and took a deep breath, "I think I do…"

Cuz he needed to know the real me before this thing between us went too far so he could make an informed decision…cuz I wasn't entirely sure it'd be a good thing for him to wanna be with me…I knew it'd be a hell of a good thing for me but I wasn't selfish enough to try and lie the truth from him 'bout who I was and what I've done.

"I told my guys I wanted them boys down and I started the fight…by the time it was over, three guys were dead…"

He gasped again, "Your guys?"

I shook my head, "No, the other guys…my guys were lifers…they didn't really give a fuck cuz they wasn't ever gettin' out so killin' another man in there was just like…one of them things that happened…like no big deal…prison life is different than real life…"

"Did you…"

Trailing off, he looked down at his straw and I sighed, "No, I didn't kill nobody…but I got a year added to my sentence for startin' the fight…"

His eyes were wide, so innocent, and I hated that I wasn't.

"So, how long were you actually locked up?"

Letting out a breath, I leaned forward on my elbows on the table, "Um…six, almost seven years…"

Nodding, he took a bite of his food and chewed slowly before looking up at me, "You said your guys were lifers…"

He trailed off again and I looked away, "Yeah…Uncle Wayne has this buddy, Cliff, that he grew up with…he's servin' two consecutive life sentences and I was barely 18 when I got sentenced so Uncle Wayne asked him to help me out in there, show me the ropes, I guess…cuz you live by a whole 'nother set of rules in that place…he's an older cat, but he's been locked up since he was 22. Anyway, I was lucky cuz most of the prison pop is separated by race and if you don't have one of them lookin' out for you, then they're all gunnin' for you…so Cliff and his older buddies kinda took me in and became my group cuz I didn't wanna join no one…I really just wanted to be left alone and do my time but it's safer in numbers and the lifers were older but crazy as the day is long so people didn't fuck with them too much cuz they'd slit your throat and go back to playin' cards like it wasn't nothin…"

He was quiet for a moment and I hoped he wasn't havin' second thoughts about me but I wouldn't blame him if he did.

"What did Cliff do?"

"Uh…he was in a bar with his old lady and some guy hit on her and disrespected him…he started a fight and things got out of hand way too fast and he ended up killin' two guys…he got two life sentences and the girl never even wrote him…that's what he'd always tell me…"

His eyes were still wide as he spoke gently, "How did you get locked up? I mean, I know it was for stealing cars but…"

It actually felt strangely good to let it all out.

"I had been outta Juvie 'bout two months, still homeless and…I was just so fuckin' desperate and depressed…so, I had went a few days without eatin' and I ran into this guy I knew from the neighborhood and he said he had some work for me if I was interested…he knew where the cars were and where we could take 'em to strip 'em, he just wanted muscle, really…so I did a few jobs with him and it kept me fed awhile. But then one night, he said he had some new guys who were gonna roll with us cuz we was takin' two cars that were parked one in front of the other…turns out the new guys was Jeremiah, Ethan, and Caleb…"

He gasps and I look down at the table, "I tried to talk them out of it cuz they was so young…Jeremiah was only 14...anyway, they had already been pushin' dope for the guy and said they was doin' it with or without me…so we went…gettin' the cars was actually pretty easy but when we were strippin' them back behind this old barn, I kept gettin' this uneasy feelin…and when I seen the red and blue lights comin', I told them to run and they didn't wanna go but they knew not to fuck with me in that moment so they did as I said. I waited for the cops to see me 'fore I took off in the other direction but there was another cop comin' that way and they got me. I fought, hit a few of them, which upped my charges…I got hit with grand theft auto, possession of stolen property, assault and battery on a police officer, and resisting arrest. They knew I had people helpin' me and they offered me a year in prison and 5 years probation in exchange for turnin' them in…I told them to suck my dick. So they gave me ten years. I did about three months in the county lock-up till I turned 18 and they transferred me to the penitentiary. But it was worth it cuz the boys quit fuckin' with that guy after that so…"

Now I trailed off, feelin' nervous cuz I had never told anyone so much about my life…but I trusted him and when I felt that little soft-as-silk hand on top of mine, I knew it was worth it.

"God, Brandon…that's tragic…you may have saved their lives…"

Snappin' my eyes up to his, I shook my head and whispered, "Don't romanticize it, Brady…don't make me out to be no hero cuz I'm the furthest thing from it…it is what it is…"

I didn't wanna think about myself anymore for awhile so I smiled, "Hey, I got a question for you…"

He nodded, "Okay…"

"Before I walked in the bathroom, I listened for a minute cuz I wanted to make sure you weren't really peein…anyway, I heard you goin' on 'bout bein' the fairest princess and bein' loved and adored by all…"

His cheeks turned scarlet and he groaned. I smiled, "What was that about?"

"Ugh, okay, so no judging, right?"

That made me laugh, "Really, Brady? You're askin' me not to judge you after what I just told you…"

Shrugging his shoulders, he smiled as he played with his straw nervously, "Okay, um…when I was very young, my best friend was Seth Clearwater, who had an older sister, Leah. She had all of this cool Disney princess stuff that I really liked and this one toy, in particular. It was this cheap, pink, plastic mirror that had little buttons on it in the shapes of the princesses and if you pressed one, it would say things like, 'You're the fairest princess in all the land…adored and loved by all…smart and beautiful…good…'"

He trailed off, lookin' down with red cheeks as he kept goin, "Anyway, she would let me take her mirror and whenever I was sad because my parents ignored me or made me feel bad or someone said something mean to me…I would press a button and look into it…it would make me feel a little better and then I'd go play again. She gave it to me because she knew how much I loved it but about a month later, my parents found it and threw it away after a firm lecture on girl toys and boy toys. So, through the years, when I get nervous or feel bad about myself, I look into a mirror and repeat what the other one told me…sometimes it helps calm me down…I know it's silly…"

Now I reached across and put my hand on top of his little one and squeezed gently, "It's not silly…it's pretty adorable…and I'm sorry your parents were such dicks…"

He smiled beautifully and tilted his chin as it still rested on his hand, "I can't believe you're apologizing for my childhood being less than perfect when yours was a million times harder…"

I looked in them pretty cocoa colored eyes and sighed, "I don't think it's fair to downgrade someone's hurt just cuz you think you've hurt more…pain is pain and I know what it's like, Brady…to just want someone to say somethin' nice to you instead of them makin' you feel bad all the time…"

I leaned over closer and hooked my foot with his under the table as I whispered, "I know you and me are different than night and day…but we're a lot alike too…can I tell you something?"

He whispered, "Yes, anything…"

Our food came, and we were quiet for a moment, waiting to be alone again.

I didn't know what it was about this boy but I found myself just wantin' to confess every thing to him…like I could just let out the burden of holdin' it all inside and he would be strong enough to carry it cuz there was different types of strong in this world…there are guys like me who are a dime a dozen and then there are guys like him who are a hell of a lot more rare…cuz he was strong minded and strong willed…the way he wore that little bitch mask and looked down his nose like he was unbreakable to the assholes who tried to hurt him…if anyone was strong enough to lighten my load and make me feel better, it was Brady.

Once the waitress left, I leaned forward and whispered, "I've never told anyone about this…you gotta promise not to tell anyone, okay?"

He leaned closer with big innocent eyes and nodded, "I promise."

I decided if I was gonna purge, I might as well let it all out.

"Mama kicked me out when she came home from work early and caught me makin' out with my…friend…my _boyfriend_…his name was Angel…"

That was the first time I ever said it aloud.

I told him about how we met and how he started flirting with me once I told him it was okay…

And he listened as I told him everything.

"We had only kissed a couple of times so it was really the first time we were…really goin' at it…I was kissin' him when mama walked in and we were both so caught up that I didn't even hear her till she started screamin' at me…then she started throwin' shit at me…lamps, dishes, ashtrays…anything she could get her hands on…I grabbed Angel and ran out…I walked him home cuz it wasn't safe for him to walk home by himself late at night…he was a nervous wreck worryin' bout me but I tried to play it off like it wasn't a big deal even though I knew it was…"

I took a deep breath and then I felt his hand on mine and his foot against the back of my leg so I kept goin.

"When I got back home, she was sittin' on the couch, smokin' a cigarette with her gun in her lap…she wasn't screamin' anymore but it was even scarier that she was so calm. I thought she might actually kill me but she just sat there and told me that my daddy knocked her up and she thought they was gonna have a life together but when I was six months old, she found him in bed with a man…long story short, they tried to work things out but a few months later she woke up to a gunshot and found him in the garage…she said he did us a favor, sparin' us the shame of bein' what he was and that him takin' his life was the best thing he coulda ever done for us…then she handed me the gun and pushed me back outside…told me she never wanted to see me again and if I had any kind of self respect, I'd end things now 'fore people found out what I was…"

His eyes had filled up with tears and I watched as a few slid down his soft cheeks as he whispered, "My God, Brandon…I can't even…I'm so sorry…"

This is what I mean bout him being so strong…no matter how bad I wanted to cry, I could never do it in front of people but he could. So, I let him cry for me.

I reached over and brushed a few tears from his cheek and kept goin. I told him about my time on the streets and how I would sell drugs or steal to make enough money to survive on. I told him about the night I stole a car and went over and seen Angel. I told him about the scars on his wrists and how he always talked riddles around me…how it was so frustrating to know he was sayin' something important to me and I was too dumb to figure it out.

I told him about hearing that Angel was attacked and being locked up in Juvie for possession so I couldn't get to him. And I told him that he hung himself two months before I was released and that I had to wait to be able to even cry for him.

The more I told him, the better I felt but the worse he cried. I didn't like bein' the cause of him cryin' but he held my hand underneath the table and told me to just let it all out…that he could handle it.

So I did.

I told him bout my time in prison and how I had never been more scared in my whole life than when I was sittin' on that bus and we pulled through the gates. And about how I'd seen boys killed and raped but how mostly, I sat alone in my cell just waitin' on the time to pass. And it passed so fuckin' slowly that I didn't think it was ever gonna end and that by the time they released me, I was more scared of bein' outside than in cuz I knew what to expect on the inside but the outside world was a whole lot scarier for me.

And I told him about while I was on the inside, I pulled in some favors and had the boys that attacked Angel put down like the sick dogs they were and even though I knew they deserved what happened to them, I still couldn't help but feel bad cuz all that really did was cause more mama's to cry for their sons, just like Angel's mama surely did and like my mama never would.

And he just held my hand and cried and told me to keep going.

So then I told him about how I could see the light pole across the train tracks from my house and how I had nightmares and would see him swingin' from that pole when my head wasn't clear. And I told him how I just started goin' to his grave and talkin' to him every mornin' when I woke up at the crack of dawn, no matter how little I slept.

He whispered through tears, "That's why you smell like fresh cut grass…"

I didn't say anything, I just gave him a few minutes to think about everything I said. I would understand completely if he didn't wanna be alone with me anymore…but I hoped he still liked me.

After a couple minutes, his tears started dryin' up and I expected him to start askin' questions since he had been so quiet while I rambled…but instead, he took a deep breath and held out his hand, "Give me your phone…"

I didn't know why he wanted it but I'd pretty much do anything he asked so I shuffled in my jeans pocket and handed it to him. He put his number in my phone and saved mine in his before handing it back to me with a soft smile, "If you can't sleep…call me…or if you wake up from a nightmare or just need someone to talk to…call me. I mean it, Brandon…any time. You understand?"

He still wanted to talk to me…

Awesome.

Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I grinned, "I understand…"

I was excited now cuz I had just come clean on everything and he was still playin' with his straw and givin' me that cute little grin.

He took a few bites of his food and then raised his eyebrow and smiled, "Eat, Brandon."

_Oh…yeah…_

My cheeks flushed and I realized I had just been sittin' there grinnin' like a fool but I couldn't help it…I can't remember the last time I felt so happy…I was actually really excited cuz for one week, I'd get to be with the perfect boy…and I knew it was gonna rip my heart when he left but I was gonna cross that bridge when I got there cuz I knew I couldn't keep him…no matter how much I wish I could…

But I'm not so much a dreamer so I knew that this couldn't really go anywhere once he was gone…he was so young, ain't no way I'd try to tie him down to me when I was stuck all the way down here for four years…and ain't no way he'd ever even want that…this was Spring Break and it was gonna be completely awesome…and I'd deal with the aftermath later…it'd be worth it…I was certain of that.

I picked up my fork and started eatin' and he giggled.

After a few bites, he smiled softly, "Do you forget to eat sometimes, Brandon?"

I just shrugged, "Sometimes…I just get busy…"

_Shit…that's not true…_

Putting my fork down, I looked into his eyes and told the truth, "And by busy I mean I lay on the couch for hours and it's like I can't physically move…sometimes I just get lost for hours and don't even realize I've lost a whole day…"

He didn't seemed shocked, he just nodded softly and I looked down and sighed, "Look, I know I got problems…there's so much shit goin' on in my head sometimes that I can't sleep for days and I forget to eat and sometimes I'll stay in the shower so long that the water turns ice cold and I don't even notice…"

I stopped talkin' now cuz there's really only so many ways to say you're fucked up…and he reaches out for my hand and whispers, "Look at me…"

So I do and his voice is light and airy and so fuckin' pretty, "Will you do something for me, Brandon?"

"Anything."

"Will you talk to Carlisle about how you're feeling? It doesn't have to be tonight but soon, in the next few days…he won't tell the others and he can help you…he _will _help you because that's what he does…he won't judge you…he'll probably even joke with you because he thinks that laughter has healing power…but you're in a very deep depression and you don't have to feel the way you do…it can get better but you have to get help, honey, because it's too deep for you to dig out of by yourself…"

He called me honey.

But I fought a grin cuz this was serious shit he was talkin' bout…though I didn't feel so depressed when I was with him.

I nodded, "Yeah, I was already thinkin' bout that actually…I promise, I will."

He gave me a sweet grin and nodded before returning back to his food, "These are excellent quesadillas…"

And just like that, he let it go. I was so grateful for that.

We talked a little more about random stuff when he smiled, "So tell me about a good day…your best day ever…"

I laughed, "Today's my best day ever…"

His cheeks flushed and he smacked my hand, "You know what I mean…tell me something good from when you were a kid…there is something good, right?"

My childhood hadn't been all bad, I mean, yeah, it was rough but I had some good memories too.

"Okay, um…on my 8th birthday, I really wanted a cake but mama was…hell, I don't where mama was…but anyway, I was kinda bummed but then Jeremiah and Suzie showed up on my doorstep with her EZ Bake oven. They made me a little cake and we shared it while we watched The Little Mermaid on VHS…the cake was god awful but I thought it was really nice…"

He smiled, "That's really sweet…"

I smiled back, "So, how bout you? What was your best day ever?"

His eyes lit up as he smirked, "You mean, besides today?"

That made me laugh and I nodded.

"Okay, um…I was 6 years old and on vacation with my parents. We were camping in this beautiful meadow filled with wildflowers…every color of the rainbow…and there was a little lake with gorgeous tall mountains behind it…anyway, they decided to teach me how to swim. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to do it and I'd disappoint them again but I actually took to it very easily. I remember how proud they were of me…it's one of the few times that I recall them ever hugging me and it made me feel so good that I finally did something right. They were so nice to me that day and it was perfect…almost."

"Why almost?"

He smiled sadly and sighed, "Later in the evening, after a little rainstorm, I was lying in the field of wildflowers looking at the clouds and I saw a rainbow…it was the first time I had ever saw one and I just thought it was the most magical thing I had ever seen…but when I pointed it out to my father, he just said that little boys shouldn't watch the clouds or look for rainbows…and then he made me go fishing with him…I don't like fishing…worms are gross…"

I chuckled at the cute little look on his face and we just kept on talkin, the food long forgotten.

We talked about silly stuff…

"So, I do know a little Spanish…would you like to hear?"

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah…"

He sat up straight and cleared his throat, "Puedo tener gatos en mi ensalada…"

I burst into laughter and he smiled, "What? Didn't I say, 'May I please have a salad?'"

Shakin' my head, I damn near snorted, "No, you said, 'May I have a cat in my salad…"

His cheeks turned red but he still smiled, "Well, I did only take Spanish for one semester my Freshman year before switching to Latin…"

"Yeah? Can you say somethin?"

_God I loved the way he looked at me…_

"Oculis caeruleis pulchra es…"

_Fuck, that was hot…_

Now I could feel my cheeks heatin' up as I smiled, "What'd ya say?"

Leaning a little closer, he whispered, "You have the most beautiful blue eyes…"

My heart was racin' and he was smirkin' like he knew exactly what he was doin' to me…cocky little bastard…

I fuckin' loved it…

"So, um…why Latin, don't nobody speak it, do they?"

He leaned back and shrugged, "Not really but all language derives from Latin…but really, I just took it because we got to study Greek Mythology, which I find fascinating…did you know that in Greco-Roman mythology, the rainbow was considered to be a pathway for Iris, the messenger, to travel between the Heavens and Earth?"

I smiled cuz he was so smart and knew about cool stuff and he was just…amazing.

I shook my head and he giggled, "Edward really liked that when I told him…anyway, speaking of mythology, have you seen the new Clash of the Titans?"

The boy sure loved movies…

"No, but I seen the old one…with the claymation monsters…"

He threw his head back in laughter and fuck he had a pretty neck…

"Oh my God, that one is so awesome! I loved the owl…"

We talked awhile longer about silly stuff but then things turned more serious as he told me about his teenage years…

"God, it was so horrible before I met Jay…seventh and eighth grade was like a nightmare…I couldn't walk down the hallway without being tripped or shoved or someone calling me a fag…the boys would gang up on me during gym class and one time…they held me down and they wouldn't stop hitting me and yelling at me…but then they thought it would be funny to scalp the queer Indian boy …so each one took a turn with a big pair of scissors and they just started chopping it all off…"

Those mother fuckin' bastards…

He took a breath and this time I reached for his hand and he kept goin, "By the time they were done, I was black and blue and my hair was just…there were patches gone and there was no saving it…my mother was too embarrassed to take me anywhere so she made me sit down at the kitchen table while she just shaved it all off…for the next two months, people would say that I had AIDS because I was a disgusting faggot and that's why I had no hair…and no one would help me…not my parents, not the school or my teachers…they all just looked the other way and I had never felt so completely alone…Albert Einstein said that the world is a dangerous place, not because of evil people but because of the people who don't do anything about it…God, now I sound like Edward…"

He wiped a few tears from underneath his pretty eyes and I squeezed his hand a little, "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Brady…you didn't deserve none of it…I never understood why big guys think it's cool to pick on the little ones…like it makes you a man or something…it don't make you no man to pick on people smaller than you and especially if you got a whole group of fuckers with you…"

Now he smiled, "I wish you would've went to my school…would you have protected me? Beat up my bullies?"

I smiled back, "Fuck yeah I would've…I promise you, Brady, ain't nobody gonna fuck with you while I'm around…"

And then we talked some more until Brady's phone started ringin.

"Excuse me a moment…"

I nodded and he put it to his ear, "Hi Carlisle…no, we're okay, why…really? Oh my God, time must've just gotten away from us…we're on our way…"

He put down his phone and looked at me with wide eyes, "Brandon, it's 6:30...we were supposed to meet them half an hour ago…"

"No shit…damn we sat here talkin for over four hours…"

I don't think if you added up all the time I've talked throughout my entire life, it would add up to more than what I just sat here and talked with Brady.

But really, I felt good…I felt happy…

I threw some money on the table and we made our way outside, the sun making me squint but I still seen a group of teenage guys standin' in a huddle talkin' bout their cars or some shit…

As soon as they seen me, they nodded their heads and moved outta my way. Most people did…cuz in my neighborhood, it was a sign of respect that I didn't have to walk around them…

They respected me for the wrong reasons of course…cuz I had been in prison and cuz I had whooped some ass…those really ain't reasons to respect nobody but it is what it is…

I opened his door for him and helped him in. I wasn't too worried bout the guys seein' me cuz they was only teenagers and knew better than to say shit…

Once we were on the road, I laid my arm along the back of the seat and started playin' with the hair on the back of his neck…he broke into goosebumps and shivered as he smiled over at me, a big beautiful grin while he reached over and rested his little hand on my thigh.

I had to try and put my mind on somethin' else cuz those sweet little fingers tappin' the beat of the song on the radio closer and closer to the inside of my thigh was gettin' me hard again…

"Uh…we gotta stop by the house so I can drop off this paint and stuff…it's on the way…"

He just nodded and kept on with those damn fingers. By the time we pulled up to my house, I was so damn hard, my dick hurt. I told him I'd just be a minute, I was just gonna leave the stuff in the living room for now but he jumped out and smiled, "I can help…"

I picked up three gallons in each hand and he tried to pick up two in each hand but he smiled shyly, "Wow, those are really heavy…"

I winked, "Why don't you just grab my keys and open the door, Princess…"

He laughed, "Okay, where are they?"

Now I smirked, "My front pocket…I'd get 'em for ya but my hands are kinda full so you're just gonna have to reach in there and grab 'em…"

It was a cheap way to cop a feel but yeah I was locked up for almost seven years so I ain't against cheap feels…

His smirk matched my own as he stuck his little hand in my pocket and grabbed my keys, brushing those fingers against the outline of my dick. I groaned and he looked up at me with half lidded eyes as he ran that hot little pink tongue across his bottom lip, "Got them…"

I raised an eyebrow and chuckled, "You're about to get a whole lot more than that if you keep teasin' me…"

He shrugged and turned on his heel but he looked over his shoulder with a wink while that shiny black hair blew in the wind, "Who said I'm teasing, honey?"

And then he sashayed up to the door, knowin' I was watchin' that perfect little round ass bounce back and forth and wonderin' how it'd look bouncin' on my thighs while he rode my dick…

I followed him into the house but walked past him to set the stuff down on the floor. When I turned back around, the door was shut and he was leaning against it, lookin' at me with a fire in his eyes and his chest risin' and fallin' from shallow breaths.

I wanted him…yeah, I wanted him bad.

My voice was rough with lust for the pretty little, doe eyed boy, "C'mere…"

He was a good little boy and pushed away from the door, walking slowly to me with a devilish smirk and a light in his eyes.

God damn, I was already so fuckin' in love with this boy…

He stopped in front of me and looked up with those cocoa eyes and a breathy little voice, "We're already late…what's a few more minutes? If you want to keep your secret, then this is probably the last chance we'll get to really touch each other for the rest of the night…I want to touch you, Brandon…"

His little hands settled on the top of my jeans as his soft fingers danced along the edge. My breathing hitched as his fingers softly brushed through the short hair underneath my belly button and my dick was gonna bust out of these jeans any minute.

I couldn't believe he was being so forward but god damn it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

I nodded dumbly, kinda at a loss for words and he smiled as his fingers started workin' on the button and zipper. Once undone, they fell to my feet and I shivered as he slowly pulled my boxers down, the air hitting my hard dick as it jutted out and making it twitch.

His mouth fell open as he looked down at it…and then it started twitchin' again, desperate for him to touch it.

He whispered, "My god…you're amazing…"

And then his soft little fingertips touched the swollen head, spreading around the pre cum that was already leaking. My whole body was shaking now as his hand gently wrapped around it, making it feel like it was wrapped in silk.

But when he started pumping it, my head fell back and my eyes closed as I groaned. There was no way I was gonna be able to take this standin' up…my body felt like it was turned inside out again and every little touch was like a million shockwaves bursting through every single cell…

The couch was right behind me, so I bent down and picked him up so that he straddled me as I fell to the couch. He gasped and I shoved my tongue in his mouth while my hands grabbed two handfuls of luscious ass and pulled him closer.

My dick was bouncin' against my stomach as his hands found the bottom of my shirt and began yanking it up. I pulled away from his mouth long enough to tear it off and toss it, before attacking his mouth again.

The boy's mouth was so good, it was downright sinful…his tongue tasted like cotton candy and it melted against mine.

His hand found my dick again and I broke from the kiss as my eyes rolled back and I moaned, "Oh, god, baby…that feels so fuckin' good…"

And I just had to touch him…

My lidded eyes stared into his as I yanked his shirt over his head and tossed it with mine. His skin was so pretty and I loved to watch his little chest rise and fall with every ragged breath.

And I was a little nervous cuz I hadn't ever touched a boy like this before but I wasn't scared and I had never wanted anything so badly.

His little soft hand worked up and down my dick, twisting at the head and using the pre cum to slick it all up.

My hand fell to the button on his jeans and I groaned as my thighs flexed and I pushed up into his hand, desperate for more…

I hoped he wouldn't tell me to stop as I popped open the button and drew down the zipper. But his head fell back now as he moaned out softly, "Yes, god yes…touch me, Brandon…please, baby…I'm so fucking hard for you…"

I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling back and jutting up into hand again cuz there ain't never been nothing sexier than this boy right here.

My hands found his ass and I started pushing those jeans and his underwear down over it as he raised up and let me get them down past his knees. Now we were both completely naked, except for our jeans around our ankles and our shoes.

My breath caught at the sight of him, his knees pressed into the couch on both sides of me, his head back and eyes closed as that pretty black hair started gettin' damp with sweat, that gorgeous lean, caramel body rockin' against mine and his pretty dick, bouncin' between us, hard and the tip darkened and swollen as clear drops of liquid seeped down…

And in this moment, I'm pretty sure I'm fuckin' very, very gay and I couldn't be happier about it cuz my god, the boy's got a pretty dick.

I spit in my hand cuz I've jerked off enough to know wet hands are better than dry ones…unless they feel like silk…

Wrapping my fingers around his hard dick, he gasps as his eyes stare down in between us and then his eyes snap to mine before he grabs my hair with his free hand and yanks my mouth to his.

I swallow his moans and he swallows mine as we begin rockin' into each other, his hips pushing his dick into my hand as that ass bounces on my thighs. My hips jerking up to push my dick into his hand and my thighs flexing beneath him, helping him rock while my other hand grabs the back of his hair, yanking his head back so I can finally have access to that sweet little neck.

He moans breathlessly, "Oh Brandon…oh god Brandon…"

My hand slides from his hair, along his spine and down to his ass as I kiss and suck and lick every part of his neck and shoulders I can get my mouth on. I've never wanted to completely devour someone but I want to eat this boy up…taste every part of his body…hearing my name falling from those pretty swollen lips…

His body is trembling as his thrusts are becoming erratic and I know he's close so I grab his hand from my dick and put it on my shoulder.

Both arms wrap around me as his head falls to my shoulder, open mouthed and panting against my goose bump covered skin. I take both of our dicks in my hand and continue pumping them until he's practically convulsing in my lap and I can feel the sweat from his forehead against the crook of my neck.

I whisper through shaky breaths of my own, "Cum for me, baby…cum all over me…"

His arms tighten around my neck and he shakes as he moans my name over and over against my too sensitive skin.

Moments later, he lets out a cry of pleasure and I feel his dick twitching as he cums, hot and sticky and wet, all over my hand and my dick…that's all it takes for my eyes to roll and then I'm burying my face into his neck as I'm moaning his name over and over while I cum harder than I've ever came in my whole entire life.

We sit there, shaking and sweaty and clinging to each other until he lets out a small laugh, "Jesus Christ, Brandon, that was…"

Now I laugh too, never havin' felt so god damn light and happy and just like all the weight on my shoulders was gone.

I squeezed him tighter and chuckled, "Yeah…there are no words…"

We held onto each other like that for a little bit, until he finally pulled away with a sad smile, "We better get going…"

I sighed and nodded before leanin' in and kissin' him one last time. He carefully made his way off me and I reached over and grabbed my shirt, wiping him off before wiping myself off. Then I stood up and pulled up my jeans and boxers while he started situating himself.

I threw that shirt in the laundry and grabbed another one, yanking it over my head and walkin' back out in the living room.

He walked over to me and stood on his tip toes as he gazed up at me with such pretty, happy eyes, "Are you ready for this?"

I leaned down and kissed them soft lips once more while he hummed sweetly.

Now, I was pretty sure he meant the barbecue but whatever this was between us, I was sure as fuck ready for it.

"Yeah, baby, I'm ready."


	7. Chapter 7

**So, I've been working my ass off to get this to you quickly. Thank you guys so much for all the love and support for these two and me. Seriously, I must re-read your reviews a million times because they inspire me so much…I love you guys. Thank you.**

**Brady's POV**

I floated out the door and down the steps…I was on cloud nine. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

_I found my heart in Texas…_

_Wow…that sounds like an incredibly bad but totally awesome country song…_

My fingers itched to reach out to him, my skin yearned for his touch, my heart was soaring through the clouds and I was standing at the end of a rainbow…because this was unreal and magical and so much better than any fantasy I ever had.

And this was real.

I lived most of my life in a fantasy world, always pretending that people thought I was the most wonderful thing that graced the earth but never did I actually think I would find a person who really believed I was…

There was nothing weighing me down with him…I didn't have to guess or wonder how he felt about anything and I didn't have to worry that I was making up anything in my head because he was the realest person I had ever met.

No one had ever just torn themselves open like that for me…I mean, he just ripped open his soul and showed it to me…the good and the bad both completely visible…he wasn't hiding anything about himself from me. I had never known another person who was that brutally honest, especially when it came to themselves.

Most people always keep a part hidden away, afraid to be vulnerable for fear of being seen as weak but it was like he needed for me to see it all…and the picture he painted through his coarse words and matter of fact language was hauntingly honest.

When he spoke of his past and the things he has seen and done, it's in such a way that it's like he doesn't even register the horror and pain…like he says, it just is what it is…

But when I held his big, rough hands and felt them trembling underneath mine, I could feel every emotion as it seeped from his skin and soaked into mine. I could see the images so clearly in my mind and feel the anger and sadness, the hopelessness and unending pain as if it were my own and I couldn't stop the tears from pouring out of me…

I cried because he couldn't…

I don't even think he really even understood the horrific trauma he had experienced, both in his child and adulthood. He was wounded brutally in the battle for his life and soul and perhaps I was a bit of a Florence Nightingale but I wanted to be the one that helped heal those wounds.

So I told him to let it all out and like a sieve the pain poured from him and it felt like I was drowning in it, the need to release it to a safer level through my tears was all that I could do.

But when the tears subsided and the pain dulled into a small ache inside my heart, he smiled and I could see a light in those baby blue eyes that wasn't there before. He needed that…to cleanse himself and for someone else to feel for him and survive it intact…I was happy I was strong enough to do that for him.

Never having been very strong physically, I had to be strong mentally and emotionally or else I never would've survived.

Brandon, though, had to be strong physically and ignored the emotions he felt to ensure his survival. But it was time to start feeling them and I really hoped he would talk to Carlisle soon.

And with all of this thought on survival I wondered how on Earth I was going to survive when I went back home. How can I go on, knowing that he is here alone with no ease to his suffering?

I had to do as much as I could this week to get him on the path to healing because I hated that this beautiful, sweet, gentle man had to hide himself away from the rest of the world…that was tragic and he had witnessed enough tragedy in his life.

I had always been an open book, laid out plainly for the world to see, love me or hate me…but Brandon dug deeper underneath the cliché storyline of my life to the real heart of the story…me.

When he kissed me, it was like something out of a fairytale…in reality, we may have been standing in a dirty Mexican restaurant's bathroom but in my world, we were standing on top of a mountain, in a field of pretty wildflowers, at the end of a rainbow…

And the moment his slightly chapped but still unbelievably soft lips press against mine, I realize that I've never really been kissed because this…_this _is a kiss. This is a fire and passion that starts so deep within your heart that you don't even realize how combustible it truly is, until his lips touch yours and it ignites.

Like wildfire, it pumps from your heart through your veins until it's all consuming and you're fingers are tangled in his hair while you spring to the tips of your toes to just get a little more…

Because it's truly overwhelming to want something so bad…but it's undeniably good. Especially when you feel your back against the wall and you _know _he wants you too.

And I know I may have pushed things a little fast back at his place but I couldn't help myself…all my life I've been chasing stupid little boys…finally, I had a man.

A man that doesn't play immature games or leave me guessing of his true intentions…a man who's real flesh and blood, not some fantasy man that was no where even close to the real thing.

But just like a fairy tale, our time was limited, like the clock striking midnight and I'd be left holding nothing but a broken pumpkin while he was locked away again inside the lonely tower.

Maybe I could rescue him…

Though I've always been more of a princess than a prince…but I would look fabulous in shiny silver armor and I could totally rock a sword…no helmet though, it'd mess up my hair…

_Mmm…that feels wonderful…_

The coarse tips of his fingers rubbed gently up and down the back of my neck and I glanced over at him. He was looking at the road with a big grin on his face. So I scooted just a little bit closer so that I could trail my fingertips along the hard muscles of his thigh.

I felt the muscle quiver beneath my touch and saw goose bumps rise on his arm along the back of the seat. Trying to suppress a blissful giggle of complete and total happiness, I brush my fingers just a little higher and slowly move them in…

He lets out a labored breath and removes his arm from the seat as he grabs my hand. I'm hoping I didn't make him mad but he brings my knuckles to his lips and kisses them softly before smiling at me, "I can't take that…feels too good…"

And I bite my lip as my cheeks flush and I fight to keep from grinning like an idiot while he brings our hands down in between us, fingers locked.

I have never had another hand in mine that fit so perfectly…despite the fact that my entire hand could almost fit in his palm.

Feeling my heart flutter again, I smiled, "That's because it _is _too good…much too good…"

_To last…._

_To be true…_

_Shit, stay in the real world, Brady…you're here for one week and he doesn't even want to tell everybody so once we get to the barbecue…the light goes off…you've got to prepare yourself for that if you plan to survive with enough heart left in tact to function…_

"Hey, did you know that sharks got two penises?"

My eyes snapped to his and that sweet grin caused me to start laughing, "Did you watch shark week too?"

He chuckled, "Yeah…I mostly watch like, Animal Planet and the Discovery channel and shit…I can learn about the world without gettin' myself into trouble that way…"

The man was full of surprises…

"Suzie got me hooked on Animal Planet but I've never really watched the Discovery channel…Jasper kind of got me into the History channel and Jeremiah's got me obsessed with Food Network, though that could just be because I love to eat…"

"That's cool, I love to eat too…I'd be lyin if I said that all I watch is educational stuff though…I'm kinda hooked on that World's Dumbest Criminal and some of them shows bout prison and stuff…"

I smiled as I squeezed his hand, "I love all those silly reality shows…So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol…oh and I love Glee…"

He raised an eyebrow, "Only one I've heard of is that Idol show…"

Shrugging, I just smiled, "Glee is like a musical sitcom…you might like it, it has some twinks that are right up your alley…"

Now he looked at me in confusion, "It has some what?"

_Oh my God he's so adorable I just might die…_

"Twinks…a twink is a gay boy like me…I'm a twink…small, young, a little fem, but completely adorable…"

Chuckling, he squeezed my hand, "Well maybe we can watch it together…"

I nodded, "I'd like that."

"Have you ever seen Sons of Anarchy?"

I shook my head and he smiled, "I think you'd like it…it's bout bikers and shit but I bet the main guy, Jax, is right up your alley…"

"Well maybe I can watch it with you…"

Now he looked over at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, "It's a date."

A date.

I had a date.

I had a date with Brandon Whitlock.

Well, a tentative date. No, that just won't do.

"Um, would you like to go with me to the movies tomorrow, Brandon? Like…a date? I mean, I know we'll have to come up with some excuse to be alone together but…um…it's no big deal if you don't want to…"

He grinned from ear to ear and looked back out to the road, "Um, yeah, I'll go…"

I let out a breath and grinned back at him, "Okay…cool…"

We were both quiet for a moment but it wasn't at all uneasy.

After a few minutes, I looked up at him in curiosity, "Hey Brandon?"

"Hmm?"

"Why on earth did you ask me if I knew that sharks have two penises?"

His cheeks turned russet through the dark blonde stubble, "Oh, um…cuz you was lookin' kinda sad and I wanted to distract you…did it work?"

_To hell with it…I'm just going to have as much fun as I can while I'm here…this is Spring Break, after all…and I can survive just about anything…_

"Yes, it did. Thanks, Brandon."

He just smiled sweetly before turning back to the road.

As we started down an old dirt road in the middle of nowhere, he turned to me with a serious look on his face, "Hey, um…ya know I was thinkin' that…since we ain't got much time that…I'm gonna tell them…it's the right thing to do cuz I don't want you to think I'm hidin' you or nothin…"

My eyes got big and I rushed out, "Brandon you were up front with me about your reasons and I understand…I think it would be wonderful for you to tell them but I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you or anything…either way, I'm in…"

His face softened into a small grin and he nodded, "I'm in too…that's why I gotta tell 'em…maybe if you could just give me a day or two to figure out what I'm gonna say…"

"Of course…whatever you need, Brandon…"

I would do my best to give him whatever he needed…just like he was trying to do for me.

We finally rounded a corner and I saw the cars parked off the road to a big open area around a lake and then the lake was completely surrounded by trees. It was really beautiful.

He squeezed my hand one more time and smiled, "Ya ready?"

I smiled back, "Ready as I'll ever be…"

It was torture letting go of that hand but we finally parted and exited the vehicle.

Everyone was already there…Jeremiah cooking on a grill, Em and Rose were in the water playing chicken with Alice and Jay, Eddie and Suzie were playing with the boys, while Carlisle and Esme laid on a blanket on the grass, drinking lemonade and watching their family.

JJ started running over to us, waving a stick, "Uncle Beady, I need me a princess to rescue cuz I'm a knight and Em J's a scary dwagon…"

He held up his arms and I swooped him up, "Oh, is this your sword?"

Waving the stick around, he smiled, "Uh huh and I got this perty crown made outta flowers…you'll like it, Uncle Beady, it's all different colors…"

I walked over in the grass to where Eddie lay sprawled out on his back, Em J was playing in the dirt and Suzie was smiling as she handed me the flower crown, "I've been the princess long enough, honey, it's your turn…I'm gonna go swimmin' a while…"

She grabbed JJ from my arms and swung him around a few times, before setting him down and watching him plop dizzily to the ground in giggles, "I'll play with you again later, baby…"

Em J held up his arms as he jumped up and waddled to her, "Me go too…me swim…"

She laughed as she scooped him up but JJ's little bottom lip came out as he looked up at me, "I don't got no dwagon, Uncle Beady…"

I bent down and smiled, "What about Uncle Eddie?"

That little lip stuck out a little further as he shook his head, "But he's my horsie…"

I looked at Edward with a raised eyebrow and he just chuckled. And then to my surprise, Brandon dropped to his knees next to me and smiled, "I'll be your dragon, if you want, JJ…"

My heart fluttered again as JJ's eyes lit up, "Okay, Uncle B! You gotta be real scary and growl and breathe fire and stuff so I can be a brave knight and rescue Princess Beady, K?"

He nodded with a huge grin and I laughed as Edward got on all fours. JJ ran to go grab his cowboy hat off the picnic table because apparently he was a cowboy knight, before hopping up on Edward's back.

I put the crown of flowers on top of my head and moved behind Brandon. He turned his head and looked up at me, "I got ya in my evil clutches now, Princess Beady…"

He winked and I chuckled as I held my hands to my chin and used my best princess voice, "If only I had a brave, strong knight with a ginger horse and a cool cowboy hat to save me…"

Edward just smirked up at me and I giggled as JJ held up his sword, "I got a cool cowboy hat and a sword you evil dwagon…now unhand Princess Beady!"

My knees nearly buckled from laughter as I watched JJ and Brandon play. Brandon would growl and counter his sword a few times while JJ giggled and kept trying to get him.

I was behind him doing my best damsel in distress, "Please rescue me, brave knight!"

After a few more minutes, with the stick tucked between his arm and side, Brandon rolled over on his back in defeat and JJ jumped in delight, "I did it! I slayed the evil dwagon and rescued the princess!"

He ran to me and I swooped him up, giving him a big kiss on the cheek, "My hero!"

Once I set him down, he ran to Brandon and grabbed his hand, "C'mon, Uncle B! Will you help me climb a tree? There's one with perty flowers over here that Mamaw would love…"

I watched as he dragged a happy, smiling Uncle B away. Edward stood up and dusted off his swim trunks before turning to me with a smirk, "I am not ginger…I don't even have freckles…"

Now Jay walked up behind him, soaking wet in his dark blue trunks, "Oh yeah you do, baby boy…you got freckles right here…and here…and here…"

He wrapped his arms around Edward's waist, pulling his back against his chest as he peppered Eddie's shoulders in soft kisses.

Jay whispered into his neck, "I got somethin' for ya…"

Edward tilted his head and whispered, "I want you to give it to me, Love, but our parents and small children are watching…"

Jasper pulled away and laughed, "God, Eddie you're such a horn dog…"

Sighing dramatically, I smiled, "He gets that from me…"

Opening his palm to reveal a packet of honey, Edward smiled, "Oooh, honey…"

And Jasper smiled back, "I'll give you the honey if you let me put some more sunblock on you and you promise to sit in the shade for like, half an hour…"

"Am I burning already?"

He turned his head to try and see his back but sighed and grabbed the packet out of his hand, "Okay, Jay."

They went off to protect Edward's porcelain skin so that Jay wouldn't have a shit fit and I strode over to Jeremiah at the grill.

He saw me coming and as soon as I was next to him, he rushed out, "Brady, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelin's or nothin'…I shouldn't have said nothin' to Brandon but I worried when ya said ya'll were goin' shoppin' for paint and shit cuz he ain't been out that long and he ain't never done good in crowds…I know he wouldn't hurt you cuz you're family and shit but he would lose it sometimes when we was kids and people would say somethin' dumb about us…I don't know, he's seemed a whole lot calmer on the phone and shit but…I don't know, what do you think? Was he calm? Did ya'll have a good time?"

_Aww…he thought of me like family and shit…adorable bastard…_

"It's okay, Jeremiah, I'm not upset anymore, just maybe in the future you should just be there for me if I screw up instead of trying for preemptive attacks. And yes, he seemed pretty calm, all he had to do was look at them and they stopped dead in their tracks. We really had a very good time together…"

_Playing with our cocks…_

"…talking and stuff, we actually have quite a bit in common. I like him, he's very sweet…just like you."

_But he lets me touch his penis and it's awesome…_

He let out a breath and gave me a full on view of the legendary Whitlock dimples, "Yeah? Thanks for not bein' mad at me. What kind of stuff did ya'll talk about?"

I shrugged as he handed me a bottle of water, "Well, we talked about movies we liked and TV shows…I talked about school and he talked about prison…we talked about our childhoods and getting kicked out as teenagers…"

His mouth was hung open as stared at me and I furrowed my brows, "What?"

"I ain't never known him to talk about none of that stuff…even as a kid, he was always real quiet…it was like pullin' teeth to get him to say more than a few words…"

Looking up into those deep blue eyes of his, I sighed, "Well, I think he needs to talk more…he's lonely, Jeremiah…and I think he keeps everything inside with no way to let it out…he misses you a lot…why don't you go hang out with him and JJ…I can handle this…"

Now he raised an eyebrow, "You're gonna grill?"

I smirked as I snatched his tongs and shooed him along, "I'm fabulous with big hunks of beef, now go…have fun…"

He pulled me into a one-arm man hug and smiled, "Thanks, Brady…"

I just smiled as he took off for Brandon and JJ picking flowers and apples from the trees.

For a few minutes, I just watched them play around and I sighed at the sight of those beautiful boys.

And then I turned around and yelled, "Hey Em? Can you come here a minute?"

He jogged over to me, still in his trunks but only a little damp, "Um…why are you grilling?"

I handed him the tongs and smiled, "I'm not."

He just laughed as he took them, "Alright, I've got this, Brady, you can go play…"

Leaning my head against his big arm I looked up at him and smiled, "Thanks, Em."

His big hand came up and patted my head, "You're welcome."

I took off and made my way over to Esme as she was getting the potato salad and side items ready, "Hi sweetheart, how did it go?"

Helping her set up the picnic tables, I told her about how nice he was and that we hadn't gotten much further than shopping but it was really important to me to get his home just right for him before we left. She promised me that we would sit down together and help me come up with some ideas to make it perfect. If I could draw out a general floor plan, she could do amazing things. The woman was a natural at bringing out the beauty in anything and I loved picking her brain whenever possible.

I chatted with everyone else until it was time to eat and I was thankful that they didn't pry too much. I spoke to Alice about her night with Jeremiah and she said that they had kissed but still didn't get any further. She was worried that maybe they were going to be stuck in the 'friend' zone forever.

"Maybe he's just scared, Alice. It's only been two years since Candace and, God, you remember how pitiful he was when he got to Forks…the poor boy was shattered. I think maybe he's just gun shy because he and JJ both lost her and he wouldn't be able to survive it if he lost you too…"

She stomped her foot and pouted a bit, "I'm not going anywhere…I would never abandon him or JJ even if things didn't work out…we're friends first and I love them both so much…"

"Have you told him that?"

Sighing deeply, she shook her head, "No, I haven't. I've been waiting for him to say something to me. He just…he always seems so confident and cocky but you're right…he's much more fragile than he lets on…I'm going to talk to him tonight and just tell him how I feel…whatever happens, happens but at least I'll know where we stand."

I pulled her into a hug, "I think it would be much better to know than to have to guess…and I'm positive he loves you too."

We all sat down for dinner and I was surprised when Brandon sat next to me. He nudged my shoulder and smiled down at me, "So, hey, I was thinkin'…there's this art museum in Houston, I remember walkin' by it all the time when I was livin' there but I ain't ever been inside…you wanna maybe go with me on Monday since we're goin' to the movies tomorrow? I mean, I gotta work till like 2pm but we could go after?"

I loved that everyone thought he was so quiet but he didn't have any problem talking to me.

I smiled back as I looked into those pretty powder blue eyes, "I'd love to, Brandon…sounds like fun."

We all chatted while we ate and though he was mostly quiet as he listened to our banter, he did pipe in occasionally with some funny little quip. It was nice to see him so happy and fitting in easily.

"Em J, mommy said no popsicles until you've eaten your vegi's…"

Rosalie stuck to her guns through his epic pout until he finally relented and began munching on his carrots.

But then JJ turned to his daddy and looked up to him, "Daddy? How come I got no mama?"

Oh God, you could see the look of pain darken Jeremiah's usually smiling face and everything fell quiet for a moment, like we all forgot how to breathe.

After a minute, he took a breath and put a smile on his face, though there no Whitlock dimples to speak of.

"Well, son, all families are different…some have mama's and daddy's, like Em J and Uncle Eddie…some just have mama's like Ali and me and Aunt Suzie…and some just have daddies like you and Uncle Jay and Uncle Em…"

"What about Uncle Beady and Uncle B and Aunt Rosie…"

My heart was just breaking for Jeremiah as he tried to explain this to a 3 year old.

"Uh…well sometimes, um…"

Alice reached over and grabbed both of their hands, "Baby, sometimes mommies and daddies just can't stay but it's okay because then they have beautiful people like your mamaw and papaw that love them like their own kids…and then they have friends who are like brothers and sisters so they've got lots and lots of love…but you don't ever need to worry because your daddy is never leaving you and you will always have all of us who love you both so much…"

Jeremiah let out a breath and smiled at her and JJ looked up at him, "Can Ali just be my mama? She loves us and she not my aunt or nuffin…"

It never failed to escape my attention that Jeremiah never called her Aunt Alice to JJ…

It's a very rare thing to see Jeremiah blush but his cheeks were scarlet and Alice smiled, "No matter what happens, baby…I promise you and daddy will never ever lose me…I'll be there for every T ball game and every new recipe your daddy tries…the good and the bad…I'll always be here…forever, sweetie…"

Esme leaned over and distracted JJ with talk about T ball and I watched Jeremiah squeeze her hand and whisper, "Thanks, Ali…we need to really talk, huh?"

She smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I think we do. Maybe later tonight…"

He nodded back and everyone went back to chatting and eating. After dinner, the boys finally got some popsicles and Esme handed me a cherry one because she knows they're my favorite.

Esme, Carlisle and the girls took the boys for a dip in the water to get clean and I sat at the picnic table eating my popsicle with everyone else. It was hot outside so they were a little sloppy and drippy so I slurped it all up and Jeremiah huffed, "Good God, man…I kinda wanna be that popsicle right now…does that make me gay?"

Brandon popped him in the shoulder and Jay laughed, "Dude, seriously, I bet Brady's got an awesome head game…"

Edward popped _him _in the shoulder and I laughed, "I've never even given a blow job before…you're all perverts…and of course I'd be completely amazing at it…"

With that, I slurped the sweet treat down my throat and heard Brandon whimper beside me. I'll admit, I was making a bit of a show out of it but I'm not against cheap thrills…or acting like a dirty whore at times because it's fun for me…

Jeremiah jumped up and grinned, "Well, I'm goin' swimmin' cuz I love ya Brady, but if you give me a boner, it's gonna get all kinds of weird…"

I giggled and they all went with him except Brandon who said he'd wait for me. Once we were alone, I smiled up at him as I licked the sticky syrup from my lips, "So was that a whimper I heard?"

Blushing, he stared at me lips and grinned, "I wanna be that popsicle…I don't care if it makes me gay…"

Sticking out my tongue, I ran it up the frozen stick and slurped the juice while he bit his lip, eyes narrowing as he adjusted himself under the table.

"You know, it's really not very nice to tease me like that…"

I grinned with a wink, "I don't tease, baby…think of it as a preview…"

He squeezed his bulge again conspicuously and groaned a low, long, "Fuck…"

Leaning over, I tossed the melting treat into the trash and sucked the tips of my fingers clean, "Let's go swimming, Brandon, before you pop a blood vessel…"

He grinned and chuckled, "Cocky little bastard…"

I just grinned as I pulled off my shirt and yelled out to Esme, "Hey Mama C! Did you guys bring us swim trunks?"

The woman was always prepared when it came to her kids.

She yelled back from the water, "Yes, sweetheart, they're in the SUV…you boys can just change behind it…"

That's how awesome Esme is…even yelling, she still calls me sweetheart. I grabbed him by the t-shirt and pulled him along, "Come on, let's get changed."

He trudged along behind me until we were on the opposite side of the SUV with two pairs of brand new trunks…mine were so cute, all bright colors with little tropical drinks all over them and Brandon's were a simple royal blue.

We had already seen each other naked so I stripped off the rest of my clothes as he stared. I smirked up at him while I pulled off my socks, the very last article of clothing I was wearing, "I thought you'd be used to seeing naked men…"

I was graced with dimples and a deep, rich laugh, "None of 'em ever had an ass like you…"

Bending over and sticking my ass up in the air, I grabbed my trunks and he chuckled, "Now you're just bein' mean…"

So I shook my fabulous ass a little as I slowly pulled my trunks up over my legs, then looked over my shoulder and smiled, "No, that was being mean…."

His cheeks were dark pink and I found myself being caught up in that low chuckle once again. I had a feeling he was trying to be bashful and not want to change in front of me. So I figured I'd let him off the hook.

"Um, well, I'll let you get dressed…"

His eyes snapped up to mine quickly then, "Wait, um…I don't wanna walk out there by myself…will you just, uh…turn around…keep me company…"

_God I could eat him with a spoon, he's so delicious…_

"Sure, Brandon."

I turned around and folded my arms across my chest as I grinned from ear to ear. The side view mirror was almost perfect…so I reached up and adjusted it a little while he was bent over and then…it _was _perfect.

Yeah, it was a pretty pervy move but for the love of God, the mirror was six inches in front of me…

I'm not a frigging saint!

I'm only a man…I have weaknesses…

And Brandon Whitlock was definitely at the top of that list…

He was turned to the side as he tore off his shirt and I could see his strong, inked arms…God, I bet I couldn't fit both of my hands around his biceps…

Then I studied his strong, masculine chest and stomach…hard, toned pecs lightly covered in dark blonde hair…his tummy was just right…strong and muscled with just a little softness right there in the middle…the perfect place to rest my head.

He bent over and started pulling off his socks and shoes now as I wiped the drool from my mouth and laughed breathlessly, "You know, I've already seen you naked so I don't know why you're being all shy…"

"Well, I was feelin' a little self conscious bein' round Jasper and Jeremiah cuz I ain't young and cut up like that…"

I started to come to his defense when he laughed and looked up at me, catching my eyes with his in the mirror, "But the way you keep lookin' at me in that mirror is actually kinda helpin' so…"

And now my cheeks were burning but I smiled at his reflection, "Brandon, you have no reason to be self conscious…God, you're body is like a work of art…like Michelangelo's David, you are a masterpiece…except your body is a billion times better and don't even get me started on the size of his dick…I mean, really…would it have killed him to embellish a little, the man makes _me _feel like Cockzilla…"

He burst out laughing as his jeans and boxers fell down to his ankles, "Well, David wasn't supposed to be some great big ox of a man, Brady…it was from the story of David and Goliath in the Bible…"

I was impressed.

"Are you a Bible rainman like Eddie?"

Chuckling, he shook his head as he stepped into his shorts. Of course, I looked at his cock and it was lovely but I was really interested in what he was saying.

"No, I um…looked at a lot of art books when I was locked up. And to be totally honest with ya, the first time I went to the prison library, the only artists I could think of were Michelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo, and Raphael…"

_Oh my God, I'm so in love with you…_

I turned on my heel and smiled, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"

Laughing with pink cheeks, he pulled up his trunks and nodded, "Yeah, so I learned about 'em…gave me somethin' to do to pass the time…anyway, David was supposed to be small standin' next to this great big behemoth of a warrior, Goliath…and the story goes that David hit him square in the forehead with a tiny little stone from his slingshot and killed him…I ain't sure if somethin' like that could really happen or not since my prison-made slingshot was considered contraband, so I guess I'll never find out…"

My mouth dropped open as he grinned wide with full dimples and chuckled. I rolled my eyes and smacked his arm, "You had me going for a minute…"

He laughed and I smiled, "You're really smart, Brandon…"

Shyly looking at the ground again, he just shrugged, "Not really, I mean I don't know stuff like ya'll do…I didn't learn too much math or science and shit…I only really know 'bout stuff I like…like some artists and a couple writers…I like to learn about real people and what kinda lives they had and see how they ended up…"

This was a whole new side to Brandon that I was ecstatic about exploring.

"Who's your favorite writer? Artist? Painting?"

We threw our clothes in the back of the SUV and started walking out to the lake.

"Um, my favorite writer is Edgar Allan Poe, though I admit, sometimes I gotta read his shit over and over to try and make sense outta it…but even when it's hard to understand the exact words he's sayin…I can still understand the feelin's behind it…the sadness, paranoia, fear, pain, loneliness…I get that…"

I looked up at him with rapt attention as he kept going, "And my favorite artist is probably Van Gogh cuz my favorite paintin' is Starry Night. He was loonier than a toon but I like the paintin' cuz it's this ordinary little town, dark and blue with mountains and the sky just as dark but then you got all these bright shinin' stars hangin' overhead just lookin' down at them…and all them swirls of yellow and white, I think those are comets…just burnin' up the night sky on their way through cuz they don't wanna be stuck in that dreary little town forever…"

_God, the man enraptures me at every turn…_

Then he blushed and looked down, "That probably don't make no sense but I ain't no art major like you…"

Stopping in my tracks, I turned and looked up at him, "I think it's a beautiful interpretation of Starry Night, Brandon. That's the wonderful thing about art…sometimes it tells us a story but sometimes it leaves the story to us…it makes it more personal and allows us to express our own emotions through it…a very smart man recently told me that art just has to make us feel something…evoke emotion…"

Those glorious dimples were back as he let out a breath, "You really think I'm smart?"

_Oh, you sweet thing, I just want to squeeze you to death…_

"Yes, Brandon…I think at times, you're brilliant."

The look of happiness and pride on his face stopped the world from spinning as I hung there, captivated by those pale blue eyes.

"Ya'll just gonna stand there all day makin' googly eyes at each other or are ya gonna get in?"

_Ugh, I could just kick Jeremiah in the balls sometimes…though his balls are actually kind of too pretty to kick…you know, as pretty as balls can be anyway…_

Jeremiah's loud voice and laughter broke the spell and Brandon nearly jumped out of his skin, like he had forgotten that there was anyone in the world but me…

He was bright red and I feared that he might try to keep his distance now that we had been so caught up but he just smiled as he scratched nervously at his hair, then tucked it behind his ear, "So, he ain't got the kids by him…ya wanna cannonball and drown him?"

I laughed and nodded, "Yes, please."

We both took off running and jumped in right by Jeremiah at the same time. That resulted in an all out water fight and that's how we spent the remainder of the evening, all of us just goofing off and having fun together.

When dusk began to set in, Carlisle and Esme took the boys back to the hotel to get them ready for bed. They were asleep before their daddies even got them into their car seats.

Once the kids and parents were gone, Jeremiah, Brandon, and Alice went and got a couple cases of beer while Jay and Eddie built a big fire to help up see once the sun went all the way down.

I sipped my beer as I watched the Whitlock boys play and wrestle around. It was kind of muddy and they were getting filthy but nowhere near as filthy as my mind. I mean, really, they were mud wrestling…another weakness of mine I suppose…

"God, I wouldn't mind being the cream filling in the middle of that sandwich right now…"

Almost choking on my beer, I snorted at Edward, "Filthy minds think alike…"

We clinked beers and both took a sip. Brandon had Jeremiah flat on his back while he pinned him down and Jay tried to take Brandon from the back but he couldn't budge him. They were all laughing as Brandon flopped Jay down on his back with one arm and pinned them both, "Call me old again, you little sons of bitches…I'll turn both of you over right now and whoop your asses…ya better respect your elders…"

Jeremiah could barely talk he was laughing so hard but he managed to yell out, "I don't care what they taught you in prison, Cuz…incest _ain't _the best…I don't wanna squeal like a pig…"

Brandon was laughing hysterically and both boys rushed him and finally got him on his back. They wrestled around a while longer and Suzie walked over now, "Are ya'll over here pervin' on my family?"

Me and Eddie both just nodded, our eyes never leaving the gorgeous scene before us. She chuckled and put her arm around my shoulder, "So, my sweet gay little Indian boy…you and Brandon were lookin' all kinds of comfy together earlier…"

My eyes went wide and my heart raced as Edward turned now and raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, he seems to have really taken up with you…"

I tried to laugh it off, "Oh, we just have a lot in common…he loves art and even knows about a lot of it…he's nice to talk to…"

Suzie's eyes were looking in suspicion as she took a drink of her beer and mumbled, "Uh huh…he likes talkin' to ya…that must be why he grins like a school girl with a crush every time he looks at ya…"

Edward smiled now as my anxiety picked up, "It's more than that even…he seeks you out…I swear, he's followed your every movement since you've gotten back from your excursion earlier…he just seems…drawn to you…and he tries so hard to be inconspicuous about it but I can definitely see something there…is he gay?"

"Um…how should I know?"

I should've known that they'd pick up on it…perceptive bitches…

Edward smirked and Suzie smiled, "Come to think of it…I don't recall him ever havin' a girlfriend. I mean, I know he got around a little bit when we was younger but Jay did too and he's ridin' the salami express so…"

They both giggled and I took a deep breath, "You guys, we're friends…he needs friends right now."

Edward nodded and sighed, "Yeah…he's very lonely, isn't he?"

I nodded and he smiled, "Well, I'm happy he's taken up with you…you're a very good friend and I know you'll give him exactly what he needs…"

_I hope you're right… _

Luckily, they let it go after that and the night continued on. I nursed my beer, not wanting to get so drunk tonight and I noticed Brandon doing the same. However, that could not be said for the rest of the boys.

I narrowed my eyes as I looked over at Jay and Jeremiah with their backs turned to us. Me, Eddie, Emmett, and Brandon were just sitting at the picnic table, talking, as the two very drunk Whitlock boys appeared to be comparing their junk...again.

"Face it, young'un, I'm older and have a bigger dick…"

"Psshhh, whatever, Cuz…it is _not _bigger…"

"Uh huh…okay maybe not longer but it's definitely fatter…_look _at it…"

"Dude, this is my dick _limp_…and it is not…"

"It is too…Eddie…come and put your hand around my…"

Jay punched him in the shoulder and slurred out, "Them long, pretty fingers don't wrap around nobody's cock but mine…Eddie, come here…"

Edward rolled his eyes and snickered, "Leave me out of this, Jay…"

The boys just kept arguing back and forth when Brandon laughed, "They always like this?"

Eddie smiled as he took a sip of his beer, "Mmm hmm…when they get drunk, one or both is bound to lose their clothes by the end of the night…I've seen Jeremiah's naked ass almost as much as I've seen Jay's these last few years…"

I smiled, knowing damn good and well who had the biggest Whitcock, "Yeah, they argue about who has a bigger penis, like, every few months…"

Jeremiah's drawl was thick as he yelled, "Ali! Hey, c'mere a minute, babe!"

The girls were in the lake and she yelled back, "I'm not wrapping my hand around your or Jay's dick, Jeremiah!"

Brandon just shook his head and sighed, "Good god, how do ya'll put up with this?

Eddie shrugged and giggled, apparently he was pretty tipsy too, "Well, there could be worse things than seeing two gorgeous naked men…"

Now Brandon laughed, "Shit, Eddie…you're a pervert just like him, huh?"

He nodded his head to me and I scoffed as I smacked his arm. Edward just giggled.

I raised my chin like a spoiled little brat, "Don't get all up in my kool-aid…"

That caused both of them to burst into laughter as Eddie choked out, "Jesus, Brady, you've been hanging out with Jeremiah way too much lately…"

Speaking of, I heard him slur out, "Yo Em! C'mere…"

Emmett laughed, "Jeremiah, don't make me kick your ass…"

I rolled my eyes, "I swear, he is the gayest straight boy I've ever seen…"

Brandon just shook his head again and sighed, "I'll be right back."

We watched as he got up, walked over and apparently pulled out his dick because both boys just stopped talking and Brandon sighed, "Now, both of you…shut the fuck up…"

I sighed as I thought of Brandon's cock…it was the most amazing cock I had ever seen and I've seen every one of my friends naked.

That's saying something…

A few minutes later, they came back over and Jay plopped down next to Eddie, "Sorry bout bein' a dumbass, babe…"

Edward scooted up on his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck, "It's okay, Love…I'm used to it…"

Jay's mouth dropped open and Edward giggled, "Oh don't start pouting, Jay, you know I love you…"

Now Jay smirked, "You need me?"

Edward smiled, eyes half glazed over, "You're my heart, Jay…I couldn't live without you…"

Tilting his face up to Edward's, their lips brushed and he mumbled, "You want me?"

Edward's tongue slipped out against his husband's lips as he moaned softly, "Always want you, Jay…want you now…"

And then they were kissing. I'm not talking sweet, cuddly, playful kisses…I'm talking about tongues shoved down throats and hands tangled in hair and pulling at clothing with nothing but the sound of muffled moans coming from them…

Boy porn kisses…

I noticed Brandon watching them intensely with his head cocked to the side like he was still confused about something.

But then Jeremiah threw a towel at them, "Knock it off, you two! I ain't recovered from the last time…"

I smiled up at Brandon, "Edward's a very horny drunk and they have this tendency to…um…"

Emmett laughed, "Dude, these two will go at it right here on this picnic table without even realizing we're here if we don't break them up now…"

I snickered, "Yeah, they're like dogs in heat…"

They broke from the kiss as Eddie blushed and buried his face into Jay's shoulder while Jay just laughed breathlessly, "Fuck ya'll…"

The sound of a car coming down the dirt road drew our attention and all I could see were two sets of headlights.

Jeremiah perked up as he stood, "Who the fuck is that?"

Then when the rest of the boys stood rigid, I got up and ran down to the lake, "Girls, you need to get out!"

I didn't know what was going on but I wanted them on dry land with us because I could tell from the looks on those boys faces that they were on high alert.

They quickly got out of the water and grabbed towels as Alice looked on, "Who is that?"

I shook my head, "I don't know…"

"That fuckin' cunt…"

Suzie took off running as I saw a blonde girl and four guys exit the cars. Alice's eyes got huge as she whispered, "Shit…it's Candace…"

My heart stopped…Jeremiah's baby mama…this was going to be bad.

By the time, me, Rose, and Alice made it back to them, Edward was holding Suzie back and Brandon was in between Candace and Jeremiah, keeping them from getting at each other, while Emmett and Jay stood on either side of Jeremiah and kept the other boys at bay.

Now my heart was breaking for Jeremiah as they screamed at each other…

"I came here to see my son, Jeremiah! You can't keep him from me!"

"Bitch, it's after midnight! _My _son is safe in bed with responsible adults lookin' after him! People that ain't gonna leave him…"

"You took him to Washington, you son of a bitch! You knew I couldn't see him if you moved…"

"What the fuck was I supposed to do, Candace? Huh? You tell me what the fuck I was supposed to do cuz you sure as fuck wouldn't get off your lazy god damn ass and help!"

"Fuck you, Jeremiah! You good for nothing bastard! I wanna see my son!"

"I don't give a fuck what you want! You ain't called in over a fuckin' year! He don't even know who you are! He don't have a fuckin' mama, far as he's concerned! Now you and your boys better get the fuck outta here!"

"You can't hide him from me, Jeremiah! I'll bring a fuckin' cop with me…"

Jeremiah laughed humorlessly, "Bring a cop, bitch cuz you owe me two years back child support…so you can just suck my…never mind, you never was very good at it anyway…"

Her eyes narrowed and he just smirked, "Figured insultin' your dick suckin' abilities would really piss you off…that's cuz you're a whore…"

Now Brandon shoved Jeremiah back a little and yelled at him, "God damn it, Jeremiah, that's your son's mama you're talkin' to…I know she hurt you but ya'll can't keep goin' at each other like this…grow the fuck up cuz if you want her to act like a woman then treat her like one…"

Then he turned to Candace, "And you, what the fuck, Candace? You think you can just vamp outta their lives and then come strollin' in here in the middle of the night with your little boys, makin' demands and shit…you know better…you came here to start shit so you better realize that this man right here, has worked his ass of to make sure your son does without nothin' while you've been out doin' god knows what…you want him to treat you like a woman, then show him some god damn respect…ya'll are both actin' like fuckin' kids…"

She huffed, "When'd you get out…wasn't expectin' you to be here…"

Brandon smirked, "I know that sweetheart cuz you woulda brought a whole lot more than four little dickless bastards like this…"

One of the boys snickered, "Who you talkin' to when you hang out with flamin' little queers like this…"

And then everything happened so fast, I could barely register it.

The guy had shoved me hard and I fell to the ground with a thud…there was screaming and cursing as they all crowded in…but then everything went dead silent and everyone started backing away.

Brandon had the boy who shoved me pinned against the picnic table, and the old hunting knife that Jeremiah had been using earlier to cut down swords for JJ, was being held against the boy's wrist as Brandon sneered down at him.

The boy was pleading for him to stop but Brandon's grip didn't loosen and soon Jeremiah, Jay, and Suzie were all whispering as to not startle him into pressing down harder.

"Stop, B…they'll leave, won't you, Candace…"

"Yeah, Brandon, we'll leave, just let him go…"

The serrated edges of the blade must've broken the skin because tiny trickles of blood dotted his wrist and I jumped to my feet and ran to him as my eyes began to glisten, "Brandon, don't…"

I didn't want to see that look on his face and I was terrified for him right now.

His eyes snapped to mine and I shook my head and whispered, "Please don't…"

His jaw tightened as he looked back down at the guy and spoke in such a low menacing voice that it made me shiver, "Next time this hand touches somethin' that don't belong to you…I'm takin' it…"

He pulled the knife away and stabbed it into the wooden table just inches from the boys hand before pulling away.

I've never seen people move so fast to get away and soon we were alone again. Jeremiah and Jay tried to talk to him but I don't think he could even hear them as he stood there with his head down and his arms wrapped around himself...like he was trying to disappear.

Eventually, everyone decided to call it a night. Rose drove Em, Eddie, and Jay back to the hotel while Alice drove me and Suzie back to Suzie's mom's house. Brandon and Jeremiah followed behind us in his truck.

Jeremiah convinced Brandon to stay the night on the pull out sofa in the living room and I was going to sleep with Suzie. I barely got to say good night to him before we were shuffling off to our rooms.

I asked Suzie if I could take a quick shower so she grabbed my bag and showed me where it was. A hot shower did the trick and by the time I got out, she was already asleep.

I wore my Yoda pajama pants because I figured Brandon would appreciate it, then I tip toed down the hallway…hoping he was still awake.

When I walked into the living room, he was sitting up on the sofa bed, flipping through the channels.

So I whispered, "Hey, want some company?"

His eyes flashed to mine and he smiled but just a little, "Um…yeah…"

He pulled back the blanket and I slid underneath, sitting next to him. He wouldn't look at me as he continued flipping through the channels and I sighed as I reached out and gently took the remote from his hand.

His head hung down again and I sighed, "Are you okay, Brandon?"

He shook his head and whispered, "I'm sorry if I scared you…I got problems…"

I set down the remote and grabbed his big strong hand, "I was scared for you, not of you…and yes, honey, you need to get help with your anger because you don't want to end up like your friend, Cliff…"

Nodding his head softly, he whispered, "I know…"

His pretty blue eyes had deep dark circles underneath them and I slid my hand into his hair and tilted his face up to mine, "Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?"

He nodded and I smiled as I pulled a pillow onto my lap and whispered, "Get some rest, Brandon…"

Then I leaned down and kissed his lips gently before guiding his head in my lap. His big arms wrapped around my waist as he cuddled into me. He let out a deep sigh, "Mmm…you smell so good…"

I just smiled as I ran my fingers through his soft hair until moments later, he was sound asleep.

I stayed until my eyes were barely open. Kissing him once more, I whispered, "Sweet dreams, baby."

And then I snuck back down to Suzie's room, crawled in bed, and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

**A/N: The next outtake of LL should be up in a few days and it will be the Winnie the Pooh outtake so many of you have requested. It'll take place the next day because everyone will crash their movie date. And I'm sure Eddie and Jay will have plenty to say about B&B…as well as some cute snuggly time…**


	8. Chapter 8

**OMG this is the chapter that would not die, lol! So, um yeah, it took a little while but it's super duper long so hopefully that'll make up for it.**

**Thanks to everyone that nominated me in the Tomato Soup Awards! I've got a few noms and I think voting is open till Sept 26****th****. But don't quote me on that cuz it's 2am, I'm stoned, and dog tired :)**

**Enjoy the chapter…**

**Brandon's POV**

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I didn't remember havin' any nightmares when I first woke up. Instead, my eyes just opened promptly at 6am and I was hit with Brady's scent as I buried my head in the pillow and breathed him in.

My dick reacted, springing to life as I ground it against the mattress thinkin' bout his perfect little ass. But then I remembered that I was on Jeremiah's sofa bed.

Sighing, I rolled over on my back and scrubbed my hands across my face. Yesterday had been a perfect day…right up until I almost hacked off some asshole's hand with a dirty huntin' knife…

I didn't mean for things to get out of control…I was tryin' so god damn hard to be the mature one and keep shit calmed down…I mean, fuck, Jeremiah and Jay were both drunk off their asses so I had to watch out for them while tryin' to keep Candace from hittin' Jeremiah cuz the state he was in last night, he mighta hit her back…and then he would never forgive himself for it when he sobered up and that coulda fucked up everything he had goin' with Alice.

I didn't want shit to escalate that far but then that little dicked mother fucker just had to go and try to hurt my…boyfriend.

I can handle people sayin' shit cuz he was strong enough to deal with that but they better never put their god damn hands on him…

Brady was _my_ boyfriend, in my head at least, but only until the end of the week cuz I was gonna have to let him go. But for just a little while, he was mine and that fucker broke my number one rule…he fucked with mine.

His hand touched my boy so in my book, that made it mine and I was ready to take that shit. Cuz I bet when people seen that fucked up little nub they'd know better than to touch what's mine again.

I remembered the look in Brady's eyes…tryin' not to cry as he looked horrified at what I was fixin' to do…

And I didn't wanna make him cry cuz I traumatized him or some shit…

_God, what if I would've cut that bastard's hand off in front of Brady…damn it, I hope I haven't fucked this all up…_

My mornin' wood was officially gone and I dragged myself outta bed. Then I quickly fixed it back up, folded the blankets and slipped out the back door. I knew I had a few hours till everyone was up so I decided to go to see Angel first, before I went home and showered so that hopefully I wouldn't smell like grass.

I was pretty sure that Angel wouldn't have been jealous of Brady, in fact, I think they woulda got along great and I didn't think it bothered Brady for me to still talk to Angel but…I don't know, it still didn't seem right for him to have to smell the grass on me.

For awhile I just sat by his headstone and thought about the day before…tryin' to make sense of it all.

Finally I just sighed and started talkin' to him cuz I needed to talk to somebody, "Okay, so you always used to say that I could talk to ya bout anythin' so I hope that still stands cuz I ain't really got no one else I can talk to bout this…"

I told him about Brady and how fast everything was happenin' between us and that I wanted it so fuckin' bad I couldn't stand it but that I was scared too. I could deal with being gay…it would be hard but ain't nothin' been in easy in my life so I'd just deal cuz what choice did I have…

But I didn't know how to deal with how strong I felt about him already. At the barbecue, I'll admit, that I started wonderin' if maybe he was just into me for the physical shit cuz he was flirty as fuck with everyone…

And then I thought that maybe he'd like me more if he didn't think I was so dumb…maybe he'd take me more serious. So, I started talkin' to him 'bout stuff I knew a little about so he'd see I wasn't completely ignorant and that I could be a good boyfriend if he'd just give me a chance.

I think it worked because when I was gettin' undressed, he glanced at my dick but then his eyes came back to mine and he seemed to really be interested in what I was sayin. It was cool cuz most nobody ever gave a fuck bout what I said…especially if I was already naked.

There had only ever been one girl I had been with that I thought really liked me. She said my name when I made love to her and she let me sleep with her all night. I was fourteen and she had been my first…but since then, the girls I fucked were just easy lays, in it only for the sex…they didn't give a fuck about me and I didn't care about them…hell, I couldn't remember half of their names and I'm sure they didn't remember mine either…

But in all my years on this earth, I ain't never had anyone hold me till I fell asleep before. The only thing that would've been better was if I woulda woken up with him this mornin'…

I had my knees pulled up to my chest and I closed my eyes, burying my face as I whispered, "So, I don't know what to do, Angel…he's leavin' in a week and it's too late to slow down but I'm in over my head. I almost did some Tony Montana type shit to some mother fucker last night for pushin' him down…I was so fuckin' close, man. When they're gone again, I ain't gonna have nobody to tell me to stop…and I don't know how to stop myself. I don't wanna go back to prison and I don't wanna hurt nobody but I need some fuckin' help. God, I wish you were here…wish I had someone to talk to that could talk back…"

"Brandon?"

I practically jumped outta my skin as my head jerked up. I really wasn't expecting to see him here.

"Carlisle? What're you doin' here?"

Pulling myself up to my feet, I dusted off my britches as he smiled, "Well, I had to run a few errands this morning. But somehow, I got a little lost on my way back to the highway and I thought that was your truck as I drove past…then I saw you sitting here so I figured I'd stop…"

"Oh, um…well the exit to the interstate is a couple blocks that way…"

I pointed east and he nodded, "Oh, okay…thanks."

But he made no move to leave, "So, you know we haven't had much of a chance to talk…would you like to go grab some breakfast? I'd like to get to know you…"

Furrowing my brows, I shrugged, "Why?"

I wasn't tryin' to be rude, I just didn't understand why he'd wanna know me…I mean, he knew the basics…he knew I'd been in prison and locked up most my life so what else did he really need to know.

_God, I hope I didn't offend him…_

Surprisingly, he just smiled, "Because you're family."

He just said that like it was the simplest answer in the world. I wondered if he really did consider me family, just cuz of Jay, Jeremiah, and Suzie. The things I knew about Carlisle added up to the reasoning that he was a really good man.

I knew that he gave both my cousins and my little nephew, homes when they needed one. I knew that he had helped them all get their shit together and looked after them like a daddy was supposed to look after their kids. I also knew that he did the same thing with Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Brady.

Brady told me that he had adopted Edward and I wondered if he loved kids so much, why didn't they adopt more.

But if he was gonna make an effort to get to know me, then I should try and let him cuz if he was as smart as everyone said, maybe he'd help me figure everything out so I could start getting better.

Shakin' all the thoughts from my head, I let out a breath, "Um…there's a little diner a few blocks from here…I usually go on Sunday mornin's…"

He had a nice smile and kind, hazel eyes…actually, if I really looked at him…he was kinda handsome.

_Shit, don't check him out…_

My cheeks now burned as I dropped my eyes to the grass and tried to settle my nerves down so I wouldn't say somethin' stupid.

"Okay, do you want me to follow you or if it's safe to leave your truck here, we could ride in my car and I can drop you back off here when we're done?"

Shoving my hands in my pocket, I could feel them shakin' so I shrugged, "Nobody will mess with my truck here so I'll just ride with you…"

I followed him to the SUV and got in the passenger's side. It was really kinda funny cuz I knew that the man next to me was a big fancy doctor and was apparently pretty well off but the Bob Seger blarin' on the radio, the five o'clock shadow and sunglasses along with the random McDonald's French fry boxes and toys strewn across the back floor board, made him seem like just a regular guy.

I was grateful that he hadn't asked anything about why I was at the cemetery…

But still, I was nervous cuz Jeremiah, Jay, and Suzie were good kids when he got involved, not some convict like me.

"Okay, where to?"

Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I pointed, "Um…down the street, left at the stop sign…"

He pulled off and I was tryin' to not freak out cuz I wanted to talk to him but I didn't know how…

"Brandon?"

"Hmm?"

He reached forward and turned down the radio, glancing over at me with a smile, "Let's just get this out of the way now…"

_Shit…_

"I am well aware of your incarceration, both as a child and as an adult. I know what you did and how long you were locked up because Jeremiah told me. He told me because he told me about his past, most of which, includes you. So, yes, I know that you used to steal cars and sell drugs and have more assault charges against you than Esme and her sisters combined, but that's not all I know…"

My heart was racin' as he just kept goin, "I also know that the first time you got locked up, it was for stealing a car to race Jeremiah to the hospital…I know the second time was for stealing food because your little cousins hadn't eaten in two days…the third time was for assault on two boys that had pulled Suzie's dress up over her head when she was 8 years old so that all the boys could see her panties…the fourth time was for selling drugs when you were a homeless teenager…the last time was to save your little cousins from going to jail along with you…"

We stopped at the stop sign and he looked over at me, "I may not agree with the ways you've handled things but I can't honestly say that if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't have done the same things. The thing is…you don't do those things now. I'm not a naïve man, son…I know that Jasper and Jeremiah have both done things that could have easily landed them the same place you went…but their hearts are good and when given viable choices…they choose right. Your heart is good too, Brandon…"

That made me feel weird but not bad. I didn't know what to say so I just kept my mouth shut until he needed to make another turn.

A few minutes later, we pulled up to the diner and walked inside. I was hopin' that it would be dead in here and luckily, it seems most people was in church still so I wouldn't have to deal with too many people.

I followed along and slid in across from him at a booth. A new waitress came along and gave me a funny look 'fore askin' what we wanted. She was an older woman with mean eyes and I wondered if she didn't like me cuz of what she's heard or if it was personal…like maybe I fucked her daughter or beat up her son or somethin'…

Carlisle seemed to notice cuz he raised an eyebrow once she huffed off, "So, are all the people in this town so friendly?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, they're real kind, hearted Christian folk 'round here…"

He chuckled back, "Are they going to spit in our food?"

I shook my head and smiled, "Nah, hang on a minute…"

Getting up, I walked over to the counter and yelled, "Yo, Carlos! Spit in my food, I'm kickin' your ass!"

He popped out of the back, laughin' as he walked up and gave me a fist bump with his good arm, "Was sup, B?"

I smiled, "Nada, que paso, holmes?"

Laughing, he threw his head back and spoke in very bad English, "You sound so funny when you speak Spanish…"

I nodded, "I know, man, you been tellin' me that since the 3rd grade…"

Carlos was a cool cat. I'd known him since we was kids and I used to watch out for him cuz he was a little slow and had a fucked up arm that was kinda small and didn't work right. He was born that way, somethin' bout his meth head mama…

But outta all the assholes in this town, he was probably the most honest and the nicest person there was…

He only worked here early Sunday and Monday mornin's when they knew it wouldn't be that busy. It was nice of the owner to give him a job and he tried real hard but God love him, he wasn't that great of a cook.

"So, you here alone, B?"

"Um, no…c'mon, I'll introduce ya…"

He shook his head and laughed, "No way, man, fuck you, I look silly in this stupid apron…"

I smirked, "Fuck that, you look like a workin' man…"

Dragging him by his good arm, I brought him over to the table, "Carlisle, this is my friend Carlos…Carlos this is my friend Carlisle…"

Carlisle held out his hand and shook Carlos's hand, "It's nice to meet you, Carlos…"

Carlos just giggled as he looked up at me, "I thought I was your only friend…"

I chuckled, "Dude, you're my only friend in town…he's from outta town…"

Now he started to get all excited, "Oh, you want biscuits gravy…I'm good at that now…"

Carlisle smiled, "That sounds excellent, Carlos. Thank you."

"Ya gonna hook me up, holmes?"

He smacked my arm and laughed as he walked away, "I always do, B…."

I sat back down and smiled, "He won't spit in our food long as he knows it's for me…now some of the other folks round here ain't so lucky…"

He just took a sip of his coffee that had come while I was talkin' to Carlos, "Ah…they're just as welcoming to him, huh?"

"Yeah, most people treat him like he's dumb and can't do shit but he can…he may not be able to sit down and do math problems and shit but he's really funny…when we was kids, like the 3rd and 4th grade, we'd sit together at lunch and come up with ideas for our own comic books…he always had the greatest ideas…"

Taking a few sips of my coffee, he smiled at me, "It's good that you have a friend to hang out with…"

Letting out a breath, I sighed, "He still lives at home and his mama won't let him hang out with me…I don't really go out much…"

"That must be very hard, having been locked away for so long and still not getting out much now. Do you have a difficult time being around people?"

I nodded as I looked down at the table, "Yeah, it's just…"

Raising my eyes, I leaned across the table a little and spoke softly, "Most everybody here hates me…I don't know what to expect out here and I feel like it's just safer for me to stay at home…"

"Have you ever had counseling to help you deal with everything you've been through?"

I shook my head, "No, I mean, I did a little when I was locked up in Juvie as a kid but not in a really long time…do you think that's what's wrong with me?"

He smiled softly, "I don't think there's anything wrong with you…you just need a little help learning how to cope outside of the system. It's a very common thing for men that have been incarcerated to have difficulties coping once they're released. I've always felt counseling afterwards should be offered."

Sighing, I took a drink of my coffee, "I can deal on my own, always have…"

"You shouldn't have too, son. If I offered to pay for it, would you go?"

"I can't ask you to do something like that…"

"You're not asking, I offered."

"It's a lot of money…"

"So?"

"So, I know you're well off and everythin' but you should spend your money on other things than me…"

"But what's the point of having so much money if I can't do nice things with it?"

I sat back and took a breath as I tried to figure out what his angle was…people didn't do nice shit for nothin' and especially for complete strangers…cuz he may know a lot about me but I don't know much about him.

"How come you never adopted no more kids? I'm not tryin' to be an ass…I just…"

He smiled, "You don't know me, I get it. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Esme and I wanted a big family…she has half a dozen brothers and sisters but I grew up an only child. I was a rich kid and lived in this huge manor that had everything you could ever want…except someone to share it with. My father was my best friend…my only friend really. He passed away when I was 10. The other kids didn't like me much…they mistook my shyness for arrogance. But it was okay, because I didn't like them much either…they were so wrapped up in who had the biggest and best things where as I was content to play in the woods with sticks as swords and my bullfrog, Steve, as my faithful sidekick…"

I laughed, "You had a bullfrog named Steve?"

Nodding, his head, he smiled, "Steve was an excellent sidekick…anyway, I grew up very lonely so I wanted a big family too. But when we adopted Edward, he had been severely psychologically and physically abused. He needed all of the attention we could give and we didn't want him to have to share it…"

"Did you know he was messed up 'fore you adopted him?"

"Yes, we were well aware…"

"Well how come you didn't just adopt a different kid?"

Smiling softly, he looked down for a moment, "Esme knew from the moment she saw him, that he belonged with us…he was our missing piece…our family. The first few years were extremely difficult but then the most amazing thing happened…"

I leaned forward, "What?"

He raised his hazel eyes to mine and laughed, "He met your cousin, Jasper, and suddenly we had another son…and Jasper met Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Brady…and our family grew again. Then a few years ago, our family grew even bigger when he introduced us to Jeremiah and Suzie…and now, I have the two most adorable little boys in the world going around calling me papaw…"

I watched how his face lit up and I didn't think I'd ever seen a happier man in all my life. Sitting forward he smiled, "We could've went another way…adopted a lot of children and had an instant family…and I'm sure we would've loved any child we adopted but being patient paid off because now we do have a big family with children that I've grown to love as if they were my own…they _are _my own. Honestly, I couldn't imagine anything better than what we have."

I couldn't help but smile back at him, "You really love 'em all, huh?"

"Yes, I really do. I understand where you're coming from, Brandon, and I'm not here to swoop in like Superman and save the day. But I consider you part of my family and I'm a patient man so I can wait for you to feel the same. However, I'd still like to help in any way possible and not just because you're family but because it's the right thing to do. So, if I find a counselor for you and pay for it, would you consider going?"

I knew I needed help so I nodded, "Um, yeah, I guess I would."

Beaming at me, he nodded, "Good. I'll make some calls tomorrow and get something setup for you before the end of the week."

The thought made me nervous and my eyes dropped as I asked, "Um…would you go with me? Just for the first time? New people make me nervous…"

"Of course, I'd be happy too."

Our food came out and we began eating in a comfortable silence. There was something about him that was different from other people I'd known before…he seemed genuine which is something I've rarely seen in people.

I had wanted to talk to him and knowing this was probably my best shot, I leaned forward and spoke softly, "Um, hey Carlisle? You're a doctor, right? Like a medical doctor…"

He smiled, "I am…"

"So, if I had, like, a medical question…you could maybe help me with it? And you wouldn't tell nobody, right?"

Putting his fork down, he raised his eyes and gave me his full attention, "I will do my best to help you, son. And I won't tell anyone anything you don't want me to tell. So, what's up?"

Leaning across the table, I whispered, "I've been with women before, ya know, like sexually and I liked it, I mean, like, it was fine and everything but…I just, um…I don't know if…"

My face was growin' hotter and as I started stumblin' over my words. But his lips turned up into a soft smirk as he raised an eyebrow and whispered, "But you like Brady."

_How the hell did he know that?_

My mouth dropped open and my eyes went wide as I just gaped for a moment. He chuckled, "No offense, son, but your eyes never left the boy all day yesterday. You smile whenever he looks at you and it's like you gravitate towards his every movement. It's like Edward and Jasper all over again. They tried to hide it, but to someone who pays attention, it was obvious. So, is that what you're talking about? Are you questioning your sexuality?"

Well, I guess there's no need to try and be subtle about it now…

Making sure that no one was payin' attention, I whispered, "I'm not questionin' whether I like guys or not cuz it's kinda obvious I like Brady…but I just had sex with a woman last week so what the hell does that mean? Am I gay? Am I bi?"

He smiled, "Why does it matter? Why can't you just like who you like and not worry about the label? Labels don't matter, son…people matter. The way they make us feel, that's what's important. Do they make you feel good about yourself? Do they bring color into your world or darkness? I know the strength of love, Brandon, and let me tell you that it transcends race, religion, backgrounds, and gender…it goes so much deeper than that. So, tell me, how does Brady make you feel?"

The biggest grin broke out on my face involuntarily as I looked down at the table, "Better than I've ever felt before…God, he's so sweet, Carlisle…and so nice and funny and smart…and fuck he's so god damn sexy…"

_Damn…didn't mean to say that…_

Now my cheeks were heatin' up like a 12 year old girl as he laughed, "Well, okay then…have you told him that?"

Still lookin at the table, I shrugged, "I kissed him…he knows I like him…I just gotta figure out how to tell everybody else…Jeremiah's gonna freak…"

"Why would he freak out? He doesn't have a problem with Edward and Jasper…"

Sighing, I finally looked up and spoke quiet, "He's gonna freak cuz I'm stuck here for four more years and the boys in this town are about as brutal and closed minded as they come…my life is already hard…this is only gonna make it harder…I got anger problems and shit already and these people 'round here just keep insist on testin' me at every turn…"

Leaning forward and folding his hands on the table, he whispered, "Have you thought about moving, Brandon? Sometimes it's possible to get your parole transferred to another state…you could come to Washington…"

I sighed, "I tried. I talked to my PO but he said he can't let me outta state cuz he can't trust me…I've been locked up more than I've been free since I became a teenager and I've got a history of assault…he don't wanna let me outta his sight…"

Taking a sip of his coffee, he nodded, "Okay, well then we get you in therapy, you keep working and being a productive member of society and in six months, I'll bring my lawyer and we'll try again."

My eyes got big as I smiled, "Really? You'd lawyer up for me?"

"Absolutely, son. All you have to do is stay out of trouble. Can you do that?"

I nodded with a deep sigh, "Yeah, it ain't gonna be easy, trouble seems to follow me but I promise I'll do my best…"

"Do you worry about what the others in this town will say if you were to…be with a man?"

Shaking my head, I whispered, "That's the thing, Carlisle…I ain't really scared of what they're gonna say or do…I'm more scared of how I'm gonna react to it…"

Leaning across the table, I just told him the truth, "Ya know, prison is like another world…you don't sleep…you don't trust no one…every relationship is only skin deep and everyone will turn on you if it suits them. You fight for everything…your life…respect…money…for fun…it is what it is…a bunch of animals locked in too small cages and the minute they get loose they gotta piss on everything to mark their territory…and then you get out here…I won't call this the real world cuz trust me, prison life is about as real as it gets…but in this world, everything is supposed to be different…only it _ain't _really…"

Getting frustrated cuz I couldn't get out what I wanted to say right, I scrubbed my hands across my face and just let out a big breath, "What I'm sayin' is, everybody 'round here is like wolves in sheep's clothin…at least in prison, the wolf was a fuckin' wolf and you didn't gotta guess who was gunnin' for you cuz they all was…it wasn't hard to figure out…but out here, I don't know who's gonna be nice to me or who's gonna stab me in the back so when I feel threatened or like I'm backed into a corner…I come out swingin'…I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt somebody if they don't stop fuckin' with me 'round here…and I don't wanna do that but I don't know how to stop myself…"

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again, "Have you ever thought about moving out of this town, Brandon? I mean, Texas is a huge state and I've been in many of the bigger cities for different medical conventions and things…it's like a whole different world compared to these small little towns. The cities are much more tolerant and welcoming than this town. This is just one little place in a huge sea of possibilities. Perhaps you should consider looking into it. Even if you can't move to Washington right away, a bigger city could be a whole new start for you. I'd be happy to help, of course."

_I can't leave Angel…_

Again I shook my head and mumbled, "I ain't ready to leave yet…not on my own, but maybe someday…let me just work on gettin' through the next six months…"

"Okay, fair enough but know that it's always an option, Brandon. You have options now, you're not stuck here, whatever you need, I'll do my best to make it happen."

Jeremiah had been right…he told me once that bein' around Carlisle was like breathin' in fresh air cuz it was like he could pop that little bubble you've been livin' in and open up the world for you.

I smiled, "Thanks, Carlisle. I really appreciate all you done for me and my family. They're all doin' so good and I know that's cuz of you so thanks, man…good lookin' out…"

He smiled back, "Anytime, son."

We paid the bill and Carlisle left Carlos a hundred dollar tip. He went on for five minutes about some new video game he was gonna buy that he'd been wantin' for months…it made me like Carlisle even more…especially when he left the waitress a five dollar tip and a little note on a napkin about manners and treating people with respect.

Yeah, he was a stand up guy…

We was on our way out when a group of guys walked in, they were teenagers and a few of the neighborhood punks I'd seen around. They didn't say shit to me, of course, but I heard them start talkin, "Aw, fuck, man that retard is workin'…let's go somewhere else…"

"If he fucks up our food this time, we'll just kick his ass…"

Stopping dead in my tracks, I turned to see them sittin' in a booth so I just walked up and leaned against the table across from them. Folding my arms over my chest, I stared down at them while they looked up at me, gaping with wide eyes cuz they knew they fucked up.

"Uh…sup, B?"

I didn't say anything, just kept sneering down at them while they started fidgeting nervously in their seats. I wouldn't have to hurt these boys, fuck, I bet I could break 'em without sayin' a fuckin' word.

One of them stuttered out, "Did we d-do somethin' to m-make you mad?"

This shit was too easy…so many young punk ass kids out here thinkin' they're tough and they don't know shit…there's a big difference between talkin' the talk and walkin' the walk…most the boys round here were just talkers…and they was easy enough to shut up…

My stance, my sneer, never changed, only making them more and more uncomfortable and they couldn't see that I was smilin' on the inside cuz they would crack soon.

"Is the cook your friend? We didn't mean nothin' by it, man…we were just fuckin' around…"

"Yeah, B, we didn't mean nothin'…we're sorry…we'll just shut the fuck up now…"

Dropping their eyes to the table, I just chuckled as I walked away. Carlisle was waiting for me and as soon as we were outside, he raised an eyebrow and smirked, "Was that your idea of being good, son?"

Shruggin, I got into his SUV and smiled, "Hey, I didn't say a word and I didn't hit nobody…that's my idea of bein' bad for a good reason…"

He slipped on his sunglasses and smiled, "Fair enough, son."

After he dropped me off to my truck, I went back home and took a shower. And when I was gettin' ready, I felt good…better than I can ever remember feelin' cuz I knew I'd be seein' Brady soon and I was gonna figure out some way to tell Jeremiah tonight so that I could just be with him as much as I could 'fore he went back home…

On my way back to Aunt Barb's house, I went on a little detour to get my boy his favorite coffee…and I got the others coffee too.

Pullin' up to the house, the front door was already opened so I walked in to see Suzie, Jeremiah, and Alice sittin' at the kitchen table, still in their pajamas while they talked. Suzie's face lit up when she seen the coffee and she jumped to her feet as I handed her one, "You're the best cousin ever, B…"

I just laughed as I handed the other ones their coffee and Jeremiah shook his head, "You never could sleep past dawn…"

Shruggin, I looked down to the floor, "Old habits die hard, man…Brady still sleepin?"

Suzie nodded as she took a sip of her coffee, "Mmm hmm…I need to go wake him up…"

I grabbed his fancy coffee and smiled, "I'll go wake him…"

She just raised an eyebrow as I walked past and Jeremiah was too deep in conversation with Alice to really pay attention. Pushing open Suzie's bedroom door, I saw him lyin' there, tangled up in pink polka dotted blankets with his yoda covered ass sticking out from underneath them.

I shut her door behind me and walked over to the bed. Trailin' my hand across his ass, he shuddered and rolled over facing me. I laughed as I pulled the blanket over him.

Then I sat down beside the bed and looked at his little sleepin' face…he looked like a fuckin' angel when he slept…I almost hated to wake him.

But I brushed my fingers across his cheek and into his soft hair as I whispered, "Wake up, Brady…"

It took a minute but eventually his pretty brown eyes opened as he drew in a breath and broke out into a sleepy grin when he saw me.

Grinning right back, I whispered, "Mornin, Sunshine…"

He leaned forward off the bed and pressed his lips to mine with a sweet hum against them that went straight to my dick. Then he pulled away and laughed breathlessly, "Best morning ever…"

Sitting up on his elbow, his sleepy eyes shined bright as he smiled, "Is that my coffee you're holding?"

Handing it to him, I chuckled, "I got you spoiled rotten already…"

He laughed as he took it, "I like being spoiled…it's fun for me…"

I smiled, "Well if I all gotta do is bring you fancy coffee to keep you happy then I consider myself a lucky man…I thought you'd be way more high maintenance than that…"

Watching him giggle, with flushed cheeks and his soft, pretty black waves stickin' every which way…was probably the prettiest I'd seen him yet. And I couldn't stop the dangerous thoughts that crept through my mind…

_Wonder what it'd be like to wake up to him every mornin…._

"Oh I can be a bit bossy and bitchy at times…but I've never really had a…an um…someone before, so to be honest, I don't know really if I'm high maintenance or not…"

He trailed off blushing as he sipped his coffee and I winked, "That's alright, I kinda like an attitude, baby…"

His voice was kinda raspy still from sleepin' and the sound of it gave me goosebumps when he talked.

"So where is everyone at?"

"Um…kitchen…just talkin' and shit…"

"Oh…will you hand me my glasses?"

I reached behind me on the nightstand and grabbed them, takin' a deep breath when he slipped the dark frames up on his cute little nose.

_God, he's fuckin gorgeous…_

"You smell like Irish Spring."

I didn't know if that was good or bad so I just looked down, "Um, yeah."

Lying his head on his arm, he looked over at me with lidded chocolate eyes, "I like it…but didn't you visit Angel today?"

Nodding, I brought my eyes up to his and sighed, "Yeah…I just took a shower after…"

He smiled softly as his silky fingers slid along the stubble on my chin, "I like this…do you ever shave or do you keep it like this?"

Fire started creepin' through my body as I smiled, "Um…I don't ever shave it off…sometimes I let it get longer or I might keep it trimmed up…do you want me to shave?"

Tilting my chin up, he leaned forward and nuzzled his nose in my whiskers as he sighed deeply and whispered, "Mmm…no, it's so sexy…"

Now it was my turn to laugh breathlessly, "Ya gotta stop, Brady…I'm gonna tell them but I don't want it to be cuz they walked in on me bendin' you over Suzie's bed…"

He pulled away with a chuckle as he smacked my arm, "You're no fun…ugh, I guess I better get up and get dressed…"

I smiled, "Damn right, you do…you gotta date to take me on…"

He was still laughing as he crawled outta bed and I stood up. Looking up at me with a sassy smile and a twinkle in his eyes, his voice was drippin' with sweetness, "Well, maybe I should be getting _undressed _then…"

Reaching around him and pullin' the door open so he could walk through, I smirked down at him, "Who said I'm gonna give it up on the first date?"

Giggling, he nudged me in the ribs and smiled a sassy little smile up at me, "You're going to make me work for it, huh?"

I just nodded as I grinned from ear to ear, "Uh huh…you're gonna have to, like…woo me and shit…I ain't easy…"

We stopped at the bathroom and he leaned against the open doorway with his arms across his chest and a sexy little smirk, "Well, that's okay, Brandon…I'm glad you're not easy…I prefer you hard…"

Again, my cheeks heated up and I was grateful for my scruff to hide it a little. Scratching at the back of my hair, I smiled down at him, "So, I'll be waitin' on ya…"

His smile softened as he nodded, "I won't keep you waiting long."

He disappeared behind the door and I walked back out to the kitchen, "He's up and in the shower…"

We all sat around talkin' for a little bit and makin' plans for the day. But when I mentioned that me and Brady was gonna go see a movie cuz I ain't seen one in 3D yet…they all just kinda jumped on the bandwagon.

So our date, ended up being a late afternoon movie with ten other people. It was cool though cuz no one went to see Conan with us. It was awesome in 3D but the best part was that Brady let me hold his hand durin' the whole thing…except for a couple minutes when he was textin' Edward somethin'…

I didn't wanna be nosy so I didn't look at what he was textin…

And then after the movie, Carlisle wanted to take everyone out for a family dinner. We had driven just outside of Houston for the movie and dinner and I took notice of stuff I never noticed before…

Like how in the city, Jay and Edward would hold hands when they walked but refrained from kissin' and stuff…but it was kinda cool cuz most the people around never even looked twice at them…or at Brady. No one said nothin' outta line either. So, I began wonderin' if maybe Carlisle had a point bout movin' to a bigger city and startin' a new life…

The thought made me really anxious but I wasn't sure if it was in a good way or bad way…

We ended up at a Red Lobster cuz JJ wanted cheesy biscuits and Em J wanted a crab…

I took a seat next to Brady and I've watched enough TV in my life to know a Lifetime movie moment when I seen one…this was one of them moments cuz it was just perfect…everyone together, laughin' and talkin' and sharin' their food…

I watched as Jay picked off the cucumbers in his salad and gave them to Eddie as he passed his tomatoes to Jay. Brady and Carlisle did the same, Brady swapping out his onions cuz he didn't want bad breath, for Carlisle's mushrooms.

Honestly, watchin' them all together was like the coolest thing I'd ever seen. I always wanted one of them family's outta the movies…but I never knew they was real before.

After dinner, Carlisle and Esme took the boys again to put them to bed so we could all hang out and Jeremiah called his buddy at the tattoo shop. Apparently, he was closin' up shop early tonight and we was gonna get fucked up and have us a tat party.

That was cool with me cuz I wanted to get some more of mine finished. We pulled up to the little shop a little past 8 pm and I noticed that Brady and Edward both looked a little nervous. By the look of the old worn down, faded brick building and the fucked up neighborhood it was in, I understood them bein' a little anxious so I smiled down at Edward as I held open the door for him, Brady and the girls, "Relax, guys…we've been cool with these boys since we was little kids…ya'll are safe here…"

I knew they'd be alright with Damien and Luis cuz they did my tats for me, in exchange for doin' work around their houses and the shop. They was friends of Jeremiah's and we'd all grown up together, they was just his age, not mine. But whenever I got inked, they'd ask bout how Jeremiah and Jay were doin' then start talkin' bout crazy things they did when they was young…

Jeremiah greeted the guys with one armed man hugs and they started crackin' open the whiskey and tokin' up the smoke.

I just grabbed me a beer as we all sat around and chilled for awhile. I was strangely proud when Jeremiah turned down the weed, sayin' he had random piss tests at his work and he couldn't risk it. Emmett and Rosalie turned it down also, along with me but Brady, Alice, Eddie, and Jay got blazed.

After that, everybody was relaxed and I thought it was cool when Brady started going around the shop, talkin' bout all the different pieces displayed in photos and askin' bout what they meant.

And I was relieved that they were nice to him. They thought it was cool that he was an art major and he loved the stories behind the pieces just as much as he loved the art.

I watched him in amusement as Jay was up first. He was straddlin' a chair with his arms layin' across the back. His shirt was off and he had a cigarette hangin' from his lips as he chatted it up with everybody while he got an 'E' tatted on his bicep. Edward was almost drunk enough to get himself a tat and I figured by the end of the night, most everybody here'd have at least one.

Jeremiah wanted to get a portrait of JJ on his arm and he asked me to draw it for him. Goin' by a picture in his wallet, I drew it up in a few minutes and Damien raised an eyebrow, "Damn, B…didn't know you could draw freehanded like this…"

I just shrugged and kept watchin' Brady as he now chatted with Edward about getting a 'J' somewhere on his body.

_I wonder if Brady would ever get a tattoo…_

Then Emmett decided he wanted a portrait so he asked if I could draw it for him. He gave me a picture from his wallet of Rosalie and Em J and I drew it up for him.

Jay took a drag from his square and nodded over at me while Luis finished his 'E', "You ever tattooed anyone before?"

Again, I shrugged, "I done a couple jailhouse tats…nothin' like this though with a real gun and ink and shit…"

Luis looked over now as he toked on a joint, "You got talent, man…I got my old kit and shit in the back…you're gonna take it home with you and practice, B…"

That sounded like fun cuz I loved tattoos and if I could get good at it, I could do all our own shit so we wouldn't have to have other people do it.

"Thanks, Lu…"

Once Jay was done, Jeremiah was up. Edward rubbed some ointment on Jay's fresh tat while he looked over at me, "Hey, B, I need squares…ya mind runnin' me to the gas station since you been nursin' that one beer all night?"

I smirked, "Sure thing, young'un…"

We hopped in my old truck and took off, the windows down and the warm night air blowin' through, Jay sang along drunkenly to the radio as I just laughed. He was a silly little fucker.

Reachin' forward and turnin' down the radio, he smiled over at me with lidded, bloodshot eyes, "So…when's the last time you got laid?"

I raised an eyebrow as I looked over at him, "Tuesday…why?"

He shrugged as he pulled the last square from his pack and lit it up. Exhaling slowly, he looked out the window and sighed, "Was she any good?"

I wondered what the hell he was talkin' bout…

"I don't know…she was alright I guess…why?"

_Was he thinkin' bout women or something? That fucker better not even think about cheatin' on Edward…I'll kick his god damn ass…_

His eyes snapped back to mine as he grinned, "Have you ever fucked someone so good that your whole body feels like it just melts and you get this, like, fuck-awesome, mind numbing bliss that's like, better than any drug you ever had before?"

I was confused…but interested.

"Um…no."

He chuckled as he took a drag of his cigarette and slurred, "Every time with Edward is like that…like unbelievably better and better each and every time. You would think that it's cuz his ass is like ten times tighter than any pussy or that he's strong enough to really fuck me back…but it ain't really none of them things that make it so much better…"

Grinnin' now, he laughed, "If I'm makin' you uncomfortable talkin' bout gay sex, I'll stop…"

That was one thing I remembered about Jay…he was blunt.

But I was definitely curious so I just kept lookin' at the road as I shrugged, "S'alright, Cuz…why's it better?"

He turned his whole body on the seat now and looked at me, "It's better cuz I love him…it's better cuz I'm gay and I never really wanted to fuck girls…I just wanted to fuck and they were available. I can appreciate a woman's beauty, hell, I even love tits but I still don't really wanna fuck girls…"

That made me raise an eyebrow as I chuckled, "You like tits?"

Grinning, he nodded, "Yup, big tits are awesome to lay your head on…I fall asleep on Rosalie's all the time on football Sunday when Eddie has to work or something…it's awesome…but it don't compare to fallin' asleep with Eddie…"

I laughed, "Don't Em get mad at you, all droolin' on his wife's tits?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "Nah…Em's known I was gay 'fore I ever came out…in fact, all our friends and Carlisle and Esme knew 'fore we told them…it was really funny cuz me and Eddie thought we was bein' sneaky and shit, tryin' to keep it a secret…but everyone that really knew us, saw right through us…"

_Wait does that mean…shit, he's smirking at me…he knows…_

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say nothin. He was quiet for a minute before he spoke again softly, "I was really grateful that Carlisle let us come out when we were ready…and our friends were just there for us whenever we needed them…they didn't push us or judge us…it's not an easy thing, growin' up how we did and comin' to terms with bein' gay…but, with all the bullshit I've dealt with in my life…it wasn't that fuckin' hard either…"

I sighed as I pulled into the gas station, parkin' the truck and lookin over at him, "You know, huh?"

He let out a breath, "I don't know nothin' till you tell me…but I'm guessin' that you don't really like fuckin' girls either…are you gay, Brandon?"

Not knowin' what to say, I just nodded cuz I guess I really knew I was gay…I know what I like, what I've always liked…cute boys like Brady and Angel…that's all I've ever really been attracted to…I just ain't ever really had the chance to have me a boy like that cuz now that I finally do, I just wanna enjoy it as much as I can till I can't no more…

Takin a deep breath, I tucked my hair behind my ears and spoke quietly, "If you know, how come Jeremiah don't cuz he knows me better than anyone else?"

He was quiet for a minute before he sighed, "You know Jeremiah, B…his mind is always runnin' so fast that even if he sees a glimpse of it, he's off and runnin' to the next thing 'fore he can even process the thought…he's got a lot on his mind with Candace and Alice…if he could slow himself down a little and pay attention, then he'd know too…why haven't you just told him?"

Hangin my head down, I sighed, "I don't really know…I know he's gonna freak out bout me bein' stuck here in this town…and I guess I ain't ever really even said it out loud before so…"

"But, dude, you ain't stuck in this town. I get that you're here cuz it's all you know but there's a whole other world out there, Cuz. You saw how it was in the city today, people barely batted an eye at me and Eddie. I know it's scary startin' all over…hell, mama moved me around so much that I barely knew what state we were in half the time but as scary as it was, it was so worth it. You know, we're all gonna help you out in any way we can…we just wanna see you doin' well and bein' happy…you stay in this town and you and me both know that someone's gonna push you a little too hard and you're gonna snap and end up back in prison. My buddy, Peter, he's like a grandpa to me and he told me once that if you can just hold yourself back for 15 seconds and think bout what you're gettin' ready to do before you do it…then you can decide if the consequence is worth the action…seems I forgot that lately…I've been runnin' wild ever since me and Eddie moved to Seattle…"

Looking over at him, I nodded, "He's been worried bout you fightin' so much, Jay…he's a good boy, you got real lucky with him…don't fuck it up…cuz there ain't no guarantee that he's always gonna be around…"

He shuddered and shook his head, "I can't even fuckin' think about that, man…if I lose Eddie then I'm just done…he's my whole world…so what's up with you and Brady? I love him, B, and I don't want him to get hurt…he's too sweet…"

I smiled half heartedly, "I'm not just fuckin' around with him…I like him…a lot…if things was different, then I'd try and really be with him but we talked about it and we both know that whatever's goin' on between us, ends at the end of the week. And it's not cuz I'm not willin' to do the long distance thing, cuz I sure as fuck am…but it ain't fair to him. He's so young and in college…it's time for him to let loose and have some fun…the decisions I made in my life are mine to deal with…he shouldn't have to deal with them too so we're gonna try and be friends when he leaves…to be honest with you though…it's gonna fuckin' suck when ya'll leave…"

Lookin up at me, he sighed, "We're gonna do better, B…we're gonna start seein' you more and talkin' more…fuck, man, no one even showed up when you got out…that's fucked up…but four years can pass in the blink of an eye and I'm just a phone call away…if you need me, call me…I can be here in a few hours on a plane and dude, I married a rich mother fucker so I always got money for a plane ticket…"

He broke out in a drunken, dimpled grin and I laughed too, "You hit the fuckin' jackpot, Jay…"

_And not cuz Eddie's rich but cuz he makes you so happy…_

We just sat there, laughin' for a minute…I think just cuz he was really drunk and his mood was kinda infectious. Then I let out a breath and smiled as I held out my fist, "Thanks, Jay…"

He bumped it back and shrugged, "We're family…I got you…"

It made me laugh again as I thought that this must be who JJ picked that up from. Opening up my truck door, I looked over at him and grinned, "I'll get your Reds…you're too drunk to go in, they might get you on public intox or some bullshit…"

He thanked me as he pulled out his phone to text someone and I went in and got his squares for him.

A couple minutes later we were back on the road when he smiled, "Tonight would be a good night to tell Jeremiah, ya know…he's already drunk on whiskey so there's like an 85% chance he's gonna be in tears by the end of the night anyway…"

I chuckled, "That fucker never could hold his whiskey…"

And then I figured that Jay would be a good person to talk to get some answers bout shit so I asked him, "So, what's it's like?"

I wanted to know what bein' married and happy was like cuz it sounded awesome…

But he just grinned as he slurred, "Fuckin' guys is awesome and I'm gonna tell ya why…number one, assholes are tighter than pussies and that's a proven fact…number two, there's no guessin' with guys if they really got off or if they really want you cuz, dude, they got dicks, you can't fake a hard dick…number three, their bodies are a little tougher, stronger, and built to take a little more than a woman so you can really just fuckin' lay pipe like a god damn cocskman, you get what I'm sayin…"

He wagged his eyebrows at me and I just busted out laughin, "I was talkin' bout married life, Jay…but thanks for clearin' up why butt fuckin is awesome…"

He was giggling like a mad man in his seat now, "Shit, dude…sorry…"

We laughed for a minute till he calmed down and wiped the tears from his eyes as he looked over at me, "Married life is amazin', B…and so is butt fuckin…"

Well then that got me to thinkin and I spouted out, "I ain't ever done that before…ya know, anal…is it different?"

Cuz if it was, I better learn bout that shit real fuckin' quick…

He broke into a huge grin as he straightened in his seat, "Seriously? You're askin' me about anal?"

I rolled my eyes as my cheeks heated up, "No…well…yeah…"

His laugh was low as he mumbled, "This is fuckin' awesome…"

Then he looked over at me, tryin' to hold a serious face as he said, "Anal intercourse can be very rewarding and pleasurable for both partners when takin the proper steps to ensure anal preparation…."

We pulled up in front of the tattoo shop and I just turned off the truck and stared at him, while he went on for a good five minutes about rings of muscles and fingering and why lube was your best friend and the magic of the prostate…it was the most awkward and uncomfortable but somehow, most highly educational five minutes of my whole life…

When he was done, he just stared at me while I stared at him. Then I just raised an eyebrow and laughed, "Dude, you're like a professor of butt fuckin…"

He grinned, "When me and Eddie were fifteen, we came out to Carlisle and he sat us down and gave us that same lecture…I swear, it's a true testament to the strength of a teenage boys hormones that we was able to even get it up after that conversation…but like an hour later we were jerkin' each other off in his Vanquish…"

My eyes went wide, "You got jerked off in an Aston Martin?"

He nodded and I grinned, "You're a lucky mother fucker, Cuz…"

Giggling again, he opened the door, "Tell me somethin' I don't know, Cuz…"

Jeremiah was gettin' inked when we walked back inside but the thing me and Jay both noticed first…was Eddie givin' Brady a shot gun with a joint.

I couldn't stop the low, "Fuck…" that escaped my lips and I seen Jay adjust himself as he whispered, "You think that's hot as fuck too, huh?"

I just nodded, "Uh huh…"

Jay grinned proudly, "I taught him how to do that…"

They broke into a fit of coughin' and gigglin' as me and Jay walked over. I sat down and nudged Brady and he looked up at me with lidded, bloodshot eyes and a sweet grin. I leaned down and whispered, "I'm gonna tell Jeremiah when we leave bout you and me…Jay and Carlisle already know…"

His pretty eyes got wide as he whispered, "Oh my God, you were serious…I didn't think you'd really tell them…"

Furrowing my brows I whispered back, "Do you not want me to tell them?"

He broke out into another sweet grin, "Of course I want you to tell them… I just didn't think you really would…because most guys lie…"

I smiled as I leaned into his ear and whispered, "I ain't most guys, Brady baby…"

With a breathless laugh and big brown eyes, he smiled up at me, "I knew you were different…"

The rest of the night passed with me, Jeremiah, Jay, and Em gettin' inked. Edward wanted to, I could tell, but he didn't give in.

Finally, I knew I had to be gettin' to bed sometime cuz I had to work in the mornin. So, I stretched my long arms as I yawned, "Hey Cuz, I gotta bounce…gotta work tomorrow…"

Everyone decided to call it a night and as we were splittin' up into cars, I knew this was my last chance of the night to tell him.

So, I told him to ride with me since his mom's place was on the way to mine anyway. He jumped in my truck and before we even pulled away from the curb, he was ramblin, "Yo, B, is it wrong to fuck Alice tonight if I'm drunk and she's stoned? Cuz I don't think nothin would be wrong with that cuz ya know, we're both grown ups and shit and it's not like we haven't fooled around before but I don't know cuz it'd be our first time together but I kinda really want to cuz I have liquor dick and I could go all night…"

My stomach was churnin but it was now or never…well, now or tomorrow but I wanted Brady to stay with me tonight so it had to be now…

"Jeremiah, slow down, Cuz…I need to talk to you bout somethin…"

He grinned, "K…what's on your mind, B?"

I took a deep breath and glanced over at him, "Okay…don't freak out, Cuz…but I'm um…I'm uh…fuck…"

My heart was racin' as he started lookin' concerned, "What is it, B? You can tell me anything and you're startin to freak me the fuck out…oh my god, are you dyin' or something? You have, like, a terminable illness and this week is about you sayin good bye and shit…"

And here it comes, his eyes started fillin with tears and I sighed, "Dude, I'm not dyin…and you need to quit watchin' the Lifetime Movie Network…"

Then I reached over and smacked his shoulder cuz seriously, the boy was a drama queen. He sniffled as he rubbed his shoulder, "Then what is it, Brandon? You ain't ever been scared to tell me nothin…"

_I can do this…_

"Dude, I'm gay."

He was quiet for a minute as he just stared at me and sniffled. The silence was killin' me until he finally squeaked out, "Huh?"

I looked into his puffy red eyes and sighed, "I said I'm gay, Jeremiah."

Again, he just stared at me. I really wished he'd say something…but he didn't. The whole ride home he just stared out the window, not sayin' a god damn word.

This wasn't goin' so well…

After what felt like an eternity, I pulled alongside the curb in front of his mama's house and turned off the truck. But he just staggered out the passenger door and right to Jay, who was gettin' outta the car behind us. He bummed a square and then stumbled to the back porch, mumblin' that he needed to be alone.

Everybody was obviously concerned and Emmett sighed, "That man should not drink whiskey…he does this every time…"

Jay and Brady both looked at me and I just shook my head, "Fuck, I'm gonna go talk to him…"

The rest of them stayed behind as I walked around back to find Jeremiah sittin' on a patio chair, smokin' his square with trembling hands. His head was down and his eyes were closed.

I went over and sat in a chair across from him and stretched out my legs in front of me as I hung my head back and looked at the stars…

_Angel, if you can see me…help… _

Then I just closed my eyes and rasped out, "I'm sorry, I should've told you sooner…"

He sniffled, "How long have you known?"

"Um…I was bout fifteen, I guess…I just ain't ever really had a reason to say anything…"

"You coulda told me…"

"I know, I'm sorry…"

When I opened my eyes, he was lookin at me as tears ran down his cheeks and he choked out, "I'm a bad, bad little Cuz…"

_Of course, he'd turn it on him…I knew this shit was gonna happen…_

"You ain't a bad little Cuz…"

Now he was cryin' like a kid who just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar, "Yes I am…I shoulda known…I shoulda seen it…thinkin bout it now, it was fuckin clear as day…you ain't ever really had a girlfriend…how you was so worried bout Jay when I told you that he was gay…you were so fuckin' worried he was gonna end up like that one kid…"

"Angel…"

"Yeah, Angel…hey…didn't he tutor you freshman year?"

Jeremiah's drunken gears were turnin and I nodded.

"In fact, that was just a few months 'fore you got kicked out…and…oh my god…you're foolin' around with Brady…ya'll have been like Siamese fuckin' twins these last couple days…and holy shit…that's your type…Angel was your type…your mama caught you with Angel and kicked you out…"

I just nodded as he started puttin' all the pieces together. He really did know me better than anyone…sometimes he just got so caught up in his world that it was hard to see anyone else's.

He was pacin' now as he smoked and talked, "And you were locked up when Angel was attacked…and you were still locked up when he…by the train tracks and…and when you got out, you just didn't care…almost like you wanted to get locked up cuz…cuz them guys was locked up too…"

He stopped in front of me and I just looked up and nodded.

His blue eyes were wide now as he whispered, "What did you do?"

Lookin' down at the ground, I sighed, "I have nightmares most every night bout the things I've done and the things I couldn't do…"

Droppin' back down to the chair next to me, he sniffled again, "I shoulda helped you, B…I shoulda told mama to get fucked when she said you couldn't stay…I shoulda paid more attention instead of bein' so god damn selfish all the fuckin time…"

I kicked his foot so he'd look over at me and I smiled, "Jeremiah, there weren't nothin' you could do…you was a kid and you done everythin you could…knowin' I was gay wouldn't have changed anything…it was just like a fuckin' domino effect…after mama kicked me out, everythin' just started crashin' down and there ain't no way you coulda stopped it…but ya know what…it's okay now…I'm alright, I'm doin fine…and you're doin great so…fuck it…"

Closin' his eyes and lowerin' his head, he whispered, "You gotta leave this neighborhood, B…"

"I can't…"

"Why?"

I didn't know what to say…so I didn't say anything.

A few minutes went by before he spoke again, "Ya know, Cuz…if I can't blame myself for not helpin' you, then you can't blame yourself for not helpin' him…when I came to see you in prison and you told me to pack my shit and just fuckin' go…I listened…and you saved my fuckin' life, man…you was the only person I woulda listened to cuz I seen how scared you was for me…I know you can't just up and move to Seattle cuz the assault charges are gonna hold it up but Carlisle would be an excellent sponsor…"

"I talked to Carlisle today. He said he's gonna get me into therapy and shit…said for me to stay outta trouble and in six months, he'll lawyer up for me and try to get my parole transferred to Seattle…"

He broke into a smile as he looked up at me now, "He's, like, the smartest guy I know, Cuz…listen to him…"

I nodded, "I will, J…"

The smile faded from his face as his eyes started glistenin again, "I'm fuckin' scared for you, Brandon…a lot bad can happen in six months…I love you, Cuz and I'm tellin' you to fuckin go…get outta this town so that you can come to Seattle in a few months and you can see how much better life can be…cuz I swear if I didn't have JJ I'd be back here in a minute with ya but I can't raise my baby boy here…but I want you to be part of his life cuz you're his Uncle B…and I want you to be happy like the rest of us are…"

I wanted what they had and I wanted to see JJ and even Em J grow up so maybe he had a point bout leavin' Mission…

"Alright, Cuz…me and Brady are goin' to Houston tomorrow so I'll check out the city and think about it, okay?"

He smiled back through a few more tears, "So you and Brady, huh?"

And I broke out into a grin as I nodded, "Yeah."

He was quiet for a minute before he grinned back, "It's his ass, ain't it?"

Then we both started laughin' and I finally started feelin like everything was gonna be alright.

"His ass is killer, Cuz…"

Nodding, he took the last toke from his square and stubbed it out in the ashtray, "Brady's a real sweetheart…he'd be good for ya…so what happens when the week ends cuz I don't want ya'll to get hurt…"

"We're gonna be friends…I don't wanna tie him down and shit…he's too young and got too much goin' for him…"

Smirkin' now, he punched my shoulder, "Don't underestimate the power of the Whitcock's, Cuz…I'm sure he'd be willin to work out a long distance thing till ya'll can figure some way to be together…"

I smiled, "So, you're really cool with all this?"

He laughed now and slurred out, "I feel like this…fuck who you want, love who you want, smoke what you want…just don't fuck with mine…"

I rolled my eyes and laughed, "Jeremiah's musings on life and shit…"

He just giggled for a few minutes before he finally settled down and looked over at me with a smile, "Seriously, B, I'm happy for you…you ain't ever got hide nothin' from me…I don't care if you're gay…and I just feel like, love is love…I don't know why people are such dicks about it…"

I chuckled.

_Classic Jeremiah…_

Suzie yelled out, "Can we come back there now?"

Jeremiah groaned and I laughed as I hollered back, "Yeah, come on…"

A minute later, everyone surrounded us and Suzie handed Jeremiah a box of tissues, "Here, bubby…ya'll okay?"

He blew his nose as he mumbled, "Why am I always the fuckin emotional one…"

I nodded and Brady spoke in a soft, kinda scared voice, "Um…I told them…I'm sorry, it was just that they kept wanting to come back here and I knew you had to talk to him alone…I'm so sorry, please don't be mad…"

I looked up at his cute little face with big brown puppy dog eyes and sweet dark pink lips…and then I grabbed him around the waist, pullin' him onto my lap…then I just pressed my lips to his.

He gasped and I stuck my tongue in his mouth as I tried not to grin…cuz I was kissin him in front of everybody and it was fuckin' awesome.

Finally, his little hand gripped my shoulder as he sighed softly and kissed me back.

Then I heard Jeremiah laugh, "God musta known that I was enough Whitlock to satisfy all the women on this planet…"

I broke from the kiss with a laugh as I reached over and punched him at the same time Jay hit his other arm…

He was rubbin' his arms as Alice looked down at him with a sassy little smirk, "You should just be worried about the only woman on this planet that really matters and still needs satisfied…"

I looked up at Brady, who was still on my lap with a dazed grin on his face, "Will you stay with me tonight?"

_Or forever…I'd be cool with that too…_

Now, he was the quiet one as he just tightened his arms around my neck and nodded. So I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back. He was shakin' like a leaf and I whispered, "You okay, Brady?"

He nodded against my shoulder and whispered, "Thank you…thank you so much, Brandon…"

I wasn't sure what he was thankin me for but I just kissed his sweet little cheek and smiled as I pulled away, "There ain't nothin' to thank me for. And if you don't wanna stay with me…"

His eyes got wide as he rushed out, "Yes! I want to stay…"

Everybody started breakin off now as Suzie and Brady went to go get his bag from her room and I said good night to everyone. I told them I'd drop Brady back off here in the mornin' on my way to work cuz I didn't like the thought of him bein left alone.

I can't remember a time in my whole life when I was as happy and scared and nervous and excited…I didn't usually like to try new things but the past couple days had been the best of my life so I figured, maybe I ought to start tryin' new things more often…

Once Brady had his little bag, we walked to my truck and I opened his door for him and helped him hop up. Then I got in and smiled, "Holy shit…"

He giggled as he grabbed my hand and beamed up at me, "I'm so proud of you, Brandon…how do you feel?"

With all the different feelins runnin through me right now, I just laughed, "I feel kinda like I'm free fallin but for the first time, I think my parachute might work 'fore I hit the ground…that probably don't make no sense…I feel weird, but not bad…"

And I guess that really said it all…it felt weird to not feel bad cuz I usually did…but not tonight…I planned on feelin' a whole lot a good things tonight…

He smiled sweetly, "It makes perfect sense, Brandon…if your parachute doesn't work this time, you have backups."

I liked how he could understand me and make me feel better…like how Carlisle said about some people bringin color into your world…

Brady was like a crazy bright light just burstin through my dark world and saturating it in deep, vivid color…

We talked on the way back to my house about how everyone took the news and Brady said they all had suspected it, even Emmett and Rosalie, so it wasn't a huge shock to them…apparently we were pretty transparent.

When we finally pulled up, I grabbed his bag for him and reached around him to open up the front door. Once we were inside, I didn't waste no time as I wrapped my arm around his waist and he hopped up, lockin' his ankles around me and holdin onto my neck. He gasped as I held him up easily with one arm and locked the door behind me. Then I looked up at him and whispered, "Do you want anything 'fore I take you upstairs?"

Lookin down at me through lidded eyes, he smiled, "Um…water…and for you to carry me…"

I smiled back, "Whatever you want, Princess…"

He giggled as I carried him into the kitchen, grabbin two bottles of water before takin' him up the stairs.

Holdin onto my neck tight, he laughed, "I like being a Princess…"

"Well I wouldn't want ya to have to walk everywhere…them cute little rainbow toes are far too precious…"

When I got into my room, I sat on the bed and he moved to stand up in front of me. He smiled, "Um…I need to go take out my contacts real fast, okay?"

I smiled, "Go ahead, baby…"

He giggled as he rushed out the door and in what seemed like less than a minute, he was stumblin' back in the bedroom. His eyes were squintin' a little and I reached out and grabbed his hand, bringing him back over to me before he hurt himself.

"Where's your glasses, Brady?"

He actually stuck out his bottom lip and pouted, "I don't want to wear them…I look like a geek…"

I smiled, "You look crazy sexy in your glasses, Brady and besides, don't ya wanna see what I'm bout to do to you?"

I figured his inner perv would win out over shyness and I was right…

"Front pocket of my bag…"

Chuckling, I reached over and grabbed them. He slipped them on and my dick twitched like three times in a row.

Lookin up at him, the moonlight floodin' in and washin' him in soft white light…he was so god damn pretty…and I wanted to try something new…

Reachin' out for him, I put my hands on his slender little waist and whispered, "Come here…"

He was lookin down at me through half dazed eyes and dark frames as he slowly walked forward until he was standin between my legs.

I was nervous but I was ready so I smiled up at him, "I don't really know what I'm doin so I'm just gonna go for it and if ya want me to stop, just tell me, okay?"

His hands tightened on my shoulders as he nodded, "Okay…"

Lettin out a breath, I slowly began lifting his tight little t-shirt up until I pulled it all the way off. He readjusted his glasses and his pretty black hair was all mussed up now.

Yesterday had been real quick and dirty and I barely even got time to really look at his body. I wanted to know every little inch so that I wouldn't forget when he was gone. I wanted to know what he tasted like when I licked his skin and what sounds he would make as my hands explored…

I kept one hand on his waist while the other one lifted up and cupped his cheek. He turned and kissed my palm as I reveled in how soft and smooth his skin was…it felt like silk underneath my fingertips. Slowly trailing my hand down, I brushed my fingers across his neck and felt the way his pulse pounded…then I went lower, across his chest…he had a nice body, lean but very toned and his caramel colored skin was flawless…

There has never been anything more perfect than him.

Brushing my fingertips across his little Hershey kiss nipples, he let's out a squeak and I watch as they pebble. But then my eyes are drawn back down to see his dick twitchin' behind his zipper.

And I decided that Jay was right…it was fuckin' awesome to see him gettin' hard just for me…

Sliding my hands down his stomach, I could feel his heavy little breaths and they way his muscles twitched underneath my fingertips. Leaning slowly forward, I looked up to see him starin' down at me and his stomach quivered when my lips brushed against it. His breath caught and he gasped as I darted my tongue out to taste his skin and his eyes rolled when I began trailing soft wet open mouthed kisses all over his tummy.

His skin was so hot and I found myself wantin' to taste more of him…but I had never had a dick so close to my face before and it was a little scary.

So, I sucked on his hip and closed my eyes as my hands went to his zipper. I could hear his breath hitch and feel his tummy tremblin' as I slowly pulled it down and popped open the button. I could feel his dick as it hardened and pulsed behind the zipper. Pushin my hands inside his opened jeans, I felt the band of his little underwear as I slid them back around to his ass and began pushin' his jeans down. Once they fell to his knees, I decided I had to look cuz I really wanted to see what underwear he was wearin.

Pulling back from his hip, I opened my eyes. My breathing was already shallow but when I was met with cute little blue undies with hot dogs all over them, I started laughing and looked up at him.

He grinned, "I thought you'd like them…"

I nodded as my fingers dug into his hips, bringin him a little closer, "They're fuckin awesome, Brady…"

Now the only thing that separated his dick from my mouth was that little blue weiner covered piece of cloth. Still lookin' up at him, I watched his tongue slip out and moisten his lips as his fingers tightened on my shoulders like he needed help to stay stamdin…

For a moment, I just watched him pulse and harden in his undies…then I reached down and adjusted my dick as it started pushin against my zipper.

_Fuck…you can do this, Brandon…it's just a blow job…you've gotten a million of 'em…eye of the tiger…_

I was so nervous bout what I was fixin to do that I couldn't look at it, so I closed my eyes as I leaned forward and nuzzled my nose against him. I could feel him hard against my cheek, so I tilted my face until my lips brushed across the hot skin hidden beneath the thin cloth and he let out a breathless little moan, "Ugh, Brandon…"

The way my name sounded fallin' from that sweet little mouth, fueled me and I parted my lips, flickin' out my tongue to feel his dick quiver against it.

I started leavin wet open mouthed kisses all along his dick through his underwear as my hands clenched his ass and brought him closer. His fingers moved up and tangled in my hair as he let out a raspy, low moan, "Oh _fuck_, baby…"

I ain't never heard a sound so god damn sexy in my life and I pulled away to look up at him as I started pushin' down his underwear. His eyes locked onto mine, dark and heavy as he dripped with lust…like, literally, his dick was on my shoulder and leakin' pre nut…

And I was scared but not of doin it…of not doin it good…

He was trembling already as he clung to me and swayed on his feet. And I couldn't help it as I broke out into a grin cuz I ain't ever seen someone look so god damn horny…and I hadn't even put it in my mouth yet…

That made him giggle and he broke out into a breathless little giggle as he slapped my shoulder and swayed again, "Don't laugh at me, I can't help it…you're driving me crazy…"

Now I was feelin' real good cuz he wanted me bad…almost as much as I wanted him.

But I couldn't stop myself from teasin' him a little, "Is there somethin', you'd like me to do, Brady?"

I ran my fingertips along his shaft as it jerked against my shoulder and he cried out, "God put it in your mouth, _please_…."

And like a jolt of lightenin, that wanton, needy little cry shot through me and my whole body flared with that same desire as I turned my head and took the head of his dick between my lips. I ran my tongue across the wet slit and shuddered at the husky taste…he tasted like a man…and it made my eyes roll back as I moaned around him, swirling my tongue and taking him deeper into my mouth…

I had no idea I would like this so much but everything about it was makin me crazy…the way he tasted and how he'd twitch against my tongue…the moans and breathless sighs and gasps for air as his fingers clenched in my hair…

Swallowing around him, his hips bucked and I really fuckin' liked the way his dick slid down my throat and fuck I wanted more…

My hands that had been grabbin and squeezing his ass, moved down as I pulled back, letting him fall from my lips. I started desperately tryin' to get his clothes all the way off his legs as I looked up at his flushed face and messy hair, raspin out, "Take 'em off, baby please…"

Pantin and wobbly, I held him with one arm as he started pullin' the rest of his clothes off and I used my other arm to pull my shirt over my head and toss it, then I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans to make a little room cuz I was so god damn hard I was hurtin…

Once his clothes were gone, I tightened my arm around him, bringing him up to straddle my chest as I laid backwards on the bed. He landed on all fours as his hard dick hung heavy right above my lips. I grabbed his ass and pulled him into me, takin' him down my throat again as he groaned and thrust forward.

I groaned as I slid my hands down to the backs of his thighs, encouraging him to keep movin…

He gasped as his fingers clenched the bedspread and he slowly started movin his hips, pushin' himself in deeper and deeper before slowly pullin' back out. My hands were all over his body now as I groaned around his dick tryin to show him just how god damn much I liked this…

It didn't take too much convincin' and soon his back was arching as he fucked my mouth. All sorts of filthy cuss words were fallin' from his lips as he grunted and groaned. His voice still wasn't deep but it was raspy and low causing my dick to just get harder and harder with every new swear.

My hands finally settled on his ass, feelin' it clench and bounce with every thrust…fuck I couldn't wait to be buried inside that ass…but not tonight, we'd save that for when we had more time cuz I had to go to work in a few hours.

I couldn't take much more…the boy was too god damn sexy…so I had to reach down and free my dick, givin' it a few tugs to just help ease the tension in my balls cuz I swear to God, I was not gonna cum…yet anyway.

His hips started losin' their rhythm as he jerked a few times and hissed, "God damn…mother fuck…your mouth feels so…fuckin good…fuck…Brandon, ugh…gonna cum…"

He pushed himself up from his hands and I moaned as he pulled out of my mouth, sitting back on my stomach with my hard dick rubbin right against the crack of that perfect little bubble butt…

One hand clenched my chest, his fingers diggin in right over my heart as his other hand began jerkin himself furiously above me. His eyes were clenched shut, glasses crooked and his mouth hangin' open as he shot out, thick hot streams across my chest and as far as my neck.

I almost closed my eyes for fear of getting jizz in them but he was far too sexy to look away. Once he was done, he just sat there for a minute, panting for air and I held onto his hips so he wouldn't collapse. Eventually his eyes opened and his flushed cheeks turned even darker as he laughed breathlessly, "Holy guacamole I wasn't expecting that…"

We both were gigglin' like crazy now, high as fuck off each other. That's the only thing I could even think to describe how I felt…stoned outta my god damn mind…

And I hadn't been stoned in a long fuckin time so this shit felt good…

Eventually, he went to move from on top of me and stand, and I told him to just throw me my shirt to wipe off with. Instead, he just crawled back on top of me and wiped it off for me before tossing it back to the ground and leaning down to kiss me. He hummed against my lips and whispered, "Mmm…I taste pretty good…"

Now I chuckled as I swept my tongue against his and whispered back, "Wanna see what I taste like?"

Not to be a dick or nothin but I really wanted a blow job…

He chuckled again as he pulled away and grinned from ear to ear, "I have been thinking about how to give a blow job since I was fourteen…so let me know if all the planning was worth it…"

He gave me a cute little smirk and a wink before he grabbed my jeans and boxers and began dragging them down my legs. I toed my shoes off and soon I was lyin there naked and hard and so fuckin' ready to get off that I was worried I might blow my load way too soon.

And then he was on top of me again, kissing me hard before slowly moving his way down, trailing soft nibbles and wet kisses along my neck…down my chest as his hands moved reverently along my body…

Now my skin was covered in goose bumps from how so incredibly good he felt…not just the kisses and hands but just the weight of him on top of me, and how he seemed to fit just right.

Everything about him was just right…from the way he looked to the way he made me feel…it was like he was made just especially for me.

He took his time, movin down my body and tastin every inch, drivin me wild with want before he finally reached the one place I really needed it…

I looked down at him as he finally settled between my legs, still on all fours and I didn't think there could be anything sexier than seein his back all arched and his ass all up in the air like that with my dick in his tiny little hand.

Puckerin his lips against the swollen head, I groaned as I watched him swirl his tongue around the ridge and through the slit. His hand tightened and twisted around what he couldn't take down his throat and my eyes rolled as he sucked the head between his lips and groaned like it was the best thing he ever put in his mouth.

It certainly was the best mouth I ever put my dick into.

His throat was tight and hot and god, he was so loud…making slurping noises and moaning as he sucked it in…

He began rockin, back and forth on his knees, developin a rhythm as his hand and mouth worked together in perfect unison to bring me to the edge fast…only to pull back and tease me with long wet licks to hold me off…

One of my hands flailed out and gripped the bedspread, in an attempt to not shove my hips up and my cock down his throat so I could cum. The other tangled in his damp, wavy hair as I moaned out in soft grunts, "Fuck, Brady…so fuckin' close…you're such a good little dick sucker, baby…best…head…ever…oh fuck, your tongue is drivin' me crazy, boy…Jesus Christ what the fuck are you doin…ugh…"

His head was twistin and turnin as his tongue swirled all around, makin' wet smackin noises over his moans that vibrated from my dick all the way to my toes…

And then he hand one hand on my balls, rollin and tuggin them as his other hand worked up and down my dick while his mouth sucked and his tongue swirled around the head of my cock.

The boy was a certified dick suckin champion and I barely had time to cry out, "G-gonna c-cum…"

His hands never stopped as he closed his eyes and just held my dick against his lips and nose and glasses while his hot breath panted against it. Just a few moments later, and I was gruntin as I looked down and watched him milk my dick, coverin' that pretty little face and them sexy little glasses in my nut…

Now that was a fuckin picture…and for all the worryin and confusion I had been goin through…everything pulled together and I laughed, "Holy shit, I'm so fuckin gay…I ain't ever came like that in my whole fuckin life…"

He giggled but was still covered in my semen so I leaned over and grabbed my shirt. Then I pulled his glasses off and wiped them on the shirt before whisperin, "I'll be right back, baby…"

I jumped up, legs like jello cuz I was fuckin spent but I grabbed a wet washcloth and quickly made my way back to him. I wiped his face off and he finally opened his eyes with a big grin, "Was that really the best head you've ever gotten?"

My whole body was shakin, probably from a combination of exhaustion, euphoria, and an overwhelming feelin' of love for this boy that I'd only known for two days…and that scared me but I was much too tired and happy to worry about that right now. So I just nodded as I took his lips to mine, tasting myself on his tongue. I kissed him slow and deep, holding his body close and threadin' my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, so he wouldn't break away. His body was flushed and covered in a light sheen of sweat as he kissed me back.

Eventually he pulled away just enough that his lips were still on mine but he could speak, "What time do you have to get up for work?"

I groaned now as I flopped back on the bed and brought him with me, "Ugh…I set my alarm for 6:15 but I'm always up by 6 anyways…"

He looked over at my clock as his eyes got wide, "Brandon, it's after 2am…you need to get some sleep…"

I just smiled blissfully as my head swam, "Mmm…too tired to move…wore me out…you're an animal…"

My eyes were already closed but I could still feel him chuckling as he pulled the blanket over both of us. Then I wrapped my arms around his little body, pullin him close and holdin on tight as I nestled my nose against his chest. Both of his arms wrapped around my neck and his soft little fingers played with my hair as I listened to his heart beat and fell fast asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Daydreamer by Adele**

**Brady's POV**

He was asleep before I even whispered, "Sweet dreams, Brandon," and pressed my lips to his tangled blonde hair. This would make two nights in a row, he fell asleep on my chest or in my lap…it was surprising, that he was allowing me to hold him as he drifted off into his dream world of haunting memories and shattered wishes…he trusted me to protect him from the visions and shadows that infected him shamelessly when he was in his most vulnerable state…

I had never been one to have bad dreams, I mean, of course I'll have the occasional nightmare where I'm back in high school butt naked in front of the entire student body or the one time I dreamt I was 40, married to Suzie, and a night manager at Denny's…ugh, just the thought of a grand slam breakfast makes me nauseous anymore…

But the point is, even though most of my dreams were like a gay boy's Candyland adventure come true…I still understood how badly and deeply they could affect a person.

Having witnessed several of Edward's nightmares first hand, I thanked my lucky stars for making my dreams a place where I could escape to…not a place that kept me hostage to suffer indefinitely the traumas of my past…

Brandon felt safe in my scrawny little arms and for the first time in my whole life, I didn't have to put on an act…I _was _strong and brave and fierce because he needed me to be. All of those things I would mumble to myself in the mirror were finally real…I was a princess…but not a meek damsel calling out for help, no…I was like Pocahontas or Princess Fiona…this was _my _love story so I would be the fearless, headstrong princess that runs out and rescues his sleeping beauty…

Because he _was _a sleeping beauty, having been stuck in a nightmare and locked away from the rest of the world…but it was time for him to wake up and leave the stone tower…

And it would be me that rescued him…all while my feet never even touch the ground…

_Clearly I'm still stoned…_

I giggle at my thoughts as I continue playing with his hair. His stubble rubs against my chest as he sighs contently and nothing has ever felt so right.

Life can be so surprising sometimes…if you would've told me three days ago that I would be laying in bed, holding a man chiseled from stone, that shines like the sun, I would've called you a lying bitch.

But here I was…

And God, did Brandon shine when the muck and dirt were wiped away…there was a light inside him, soft and flickering at first, but now the air can reach it and I can see it growing stronger and stronger every day.

I want to be the one to open up the world for him…the one to take him new places and teach him new things…

I want to make his house a home where he can relax and feel good…

I _need _to make sure that he's on a clear, bright path before we leave…I wasn't going to dwell on the end of the week but I would prepare for it…I would not leave the great state of Texas until Brandon had everything he needed to make his life better.

I was a boy on a mission and God save us all when I put my mind to something…

It was with those thoughts at the forefront of my mind as I finally drifted off to sleep.

And I woke to a blaring noise and an adorably confused, sleepy Brandon grumbling against my neck, "The fuck is that god damn buzzin' noise?"

His cock was heavy and hot, half hard as it stuck against my thigh.

Barely able to turn my neck due to his death grip on my body, I let out a breath and mumble, "Alarm cock…I mean, clock…"

Then I started giggling and he did too as he reached over to shut it off. But then he was leaning on his elbow, grinning down at me all sleep dazed and happy, "Mornin', Sunshine…"

But he was more like the sun, shining so brightly that I had to close my eyes…it was too beautiful and too real and so totally overwhelming.

I could feel my face turning red as I finally opened my eyes with a breathless giggle, "There's no way this is real…I'm going to wake up any minute and be pissed as hell…"

He chuckled, low and raspy as his hand reached up, brushing the hair from my forehead, before slowly sliding it down my cheek…calloused fingertips danced leisurely along my neck and over my throat as I gasp because his touch is leaving me breathless…

His cock is now stiff and so warm as it sticks to my skin, having been pressed so hard against it all night. It pulses as his fingers continue down my chest, sliding softly down the middle of my stomach until it quivers.

I'm struggling to breathe and those sleepy pale blue eyes and dimpled grin is making that task much more difficult. And I can't move but I don't really want to anyway.

His hand gently glides along my hips…over my ass, pulling me on my side into him before continuing down the backs of my thighs as he hitches my leg around his waist.

Then he buries his head in my shoulder as his whole body surrounds me like a protective cocoon as he whispers, "This ain't a dream, Brady…my dreams are never this good…"

And I melt as I cling to his broad shoulders, taking a moment to memorize this feeling because I'm certain that there has never been a better one. My very best dream, doesn't even compare to reality at this very moment.

I smile against his shoulder and relish the way his tangled blonde hair tickles my cheek, "Mine neither. And I have awesome dreams."

His hands are still everywhere on my body, causing me to shiver as he seems to explore like my body is the most important discovery of the 21st century. Reaching down, he grabs the blanket, pulling it up on my shoulders as he whispers, "You cold, baby?"

Shaking my head, I giggle, half asleep and still dazed, "No…really, really warm…"

I could feel him smiling against my neck, his breath warm as he laughs softly, "I ain't slept past 6am since before I got kicked out…you're like a miracle, Brady…"

And I wonder how it's possible for him to think I'm a miracle when clearly it's him. It has to be some kind of miracle for a man as gorgeous and strong as Brandon to be so taken by little ole me. I'm overwhelmed again but not complaining.

With a giddy smile, I sigh and pull back to look at him, "Best alarm cock ever…"

We're both grinning and giggling like we're mentally deficient and I figure this must be what true elation feels like.

We take a few minutes, just cuddling and giggling like the silly lovesick fools we are, before he finally pulls off the blanket and rolls to his back, bringing me to rest completely on top of him. Our cocks were both hard, pressing into one another as I straddled his waist and sat up. His face was so happy, little crinkles in the corners of his baby blue eyes but those dark purple bags underneath made my heart hurt as I reached up and brushed my thumb along them, "I wish you could get some more sleep, Brandon…"

He just smiles, "Maybe we can turn in early tonight…after I take you out on a proper date…"

I love that he just inadvertently asked me to stay the night with him again. Propping my elbows on his chest, I rest my chin on my hands and smirk as I flutter my eyelashes, "Are you asking me to stay with you again?"

He laughs and I love the way I can feel it throughout my whole body.

But then he smirks back, his blue eyes shining, "I ain't askin…you're mine and I wouldn't test me, baby, cuz you know I'm a hardened criminal…"

And just to prove his point, he pushed himself up against me, causing me to moan from the feeling of his hardened cock against mine.

I giggle like an idiot but then I sit up and run my fingers along his pelvic bone. It makes his muscles clench and it is so very clear to me why I have always found this part of a man particularly sexy.

Giving him my best sassy smirk, I lean slowly over him, sliding up until his cock was rubbing between my ass cheeks, "I've always been fascinated by the penal system, maybe you can give me a _long_, in-depth analysis of what it feels like to be inside…"

He groans and the next thing I know, I'm squealing as he jumps up from the bed, throwing me over his shoulder like I weigh nothing. Then he just laughs, "You're killin' me, Brady…"

I giggle and think about demanding to be put down but then I notice the very nice view of his ass from here so I just smile, "You've got a really nice ass, Brandon…"

I feel his hand on mine, giving it a good squeeze as he carries me to the bathroom, "Thanks…you got a great ass, Brady…I wanna bite it…"

And then just for good measure, he turns his head and nips my right cheek causing me to giggle like a 12 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.

Once we get to the bathroom, he grabs a towel and sets in on the counter top before setting me down to sit on it. I smile at the sweet gesture and he just shrugs, "Didn't want your ass to get cold, Princess…"

Crossing my arms over my chest, I grin as I hold my nose up in the air, "It's about time someone recognizes me for the royalty I am…"

He laughs and just smiles at me, "Did you bring your tooth brush?"

"Yeah, in my bag, I'll get it…"

I start to hop off the counter when he steps up and shakes his head, putting his hands on my waist, he smirks, "When you're in my house, you're pretty little feet don't ever gotta touch the ground, Princess…"

Turning to leave and get my toothbrush, I bite my lip to keep from screaming because the man has swept me off my feet…literally.

We grin like fools as we brush our teeth and then he gets the shower ready before picking me up and getting in. I smile as the hot water hits my back and I tighten my legs around his waist, as his hand goes to my hair, rubbing the water gently through.

I lay my head against his chest as he starts washing my hair with his shampoo. I would normally never ever let anyone use Pert Plus on my hair, but I let it slide because this is fabulous. And I find I kind of like the smell…it's so man.

Eventually I lean my head back so he can rinse my hair and when I finally open my eyes, he's looking at me with the sweetest smile on his face, "I know you're a guy and all…but you're really pretty…"

My skin flushes as I breathlessly whisper, "Thank you, Brandon…"

And then, finally, he leans forward and takes my lips to his. He tastes like toothpaste and shower water and it's fucking awesome.

Kissing me deep, my hands slide along his wet shoulders, gripping to bring me even closer, though I'm sure that's impossible.

Our cocks are trapped between our stomachs, hard and wet as they slide against each other, causing us to gasp and swallow moans and sighs.

He snakes his hand in between us and wraps it around me and I hurriedly follow his lead and push my hand between us, wrapping around his hard cock.

Our bodies push and our hands pull as our lips never part…

And I'm amazed because he seamlessly holds me up with one arm the entire time until my chest is heaving and I have to pull my lips away as I gasp for breath. The warm water and his hot skin are driving me crazy.

His hand is so big as it moves up and down my cock, his fingers so rough and so good…

I can barely keep focus on him and my movements stop and stutter as I feel that deep burn. I'm so close and my eyes open to find him staring at me with blue eyes, glazed over with lust and desire as he watches me cum with an awestruck smile on his face.

Once I regain a little composure, I lay my head on his shoulder and take a deep breath as I continue stroking his gorgeous cock, watching intently, the way his stomach muscles clench and how purple the plump head is at it peeks out from my fist every few seconds.

He leans back against the wall as his eyes shut and his mouth falls open in beautiful gasps as he cums, hot and thick all over my hand and our stomachs. And now I watch in awe as I make him cum for me.

We both take a minute to recover, before I giggle again, giddy and super relaxed, "Um…maybe you should put me down so we can clean up…"

He laughed as he gently set me down to my feet. I didn't like being all the way down here, where my face came to his chest because I couldn't see him without looking straight up…but I supposed I would deal with it until after we were clean…

_Jeez, I really am getting spoiled…_

We took our time and washed each other's bodies slowly until the only thing that was left was his hair. I looked up at him and pouted and he smiled down at me, "What?"

I huffed, "I want to wash your hair but I can't reach it."

He smiled as he leaned down, wrapping his arm around my waist as I put my arms around his shoulders and hopped up.

"C'mon up here, Princess…"

Holding me up easily, I giggled, "Is it wrong that I love being carried everywhere?"

I loved that wide dimpled grin and those stubble covered cheeks, that were pink and flushed, "I don't think you could do no wrong, Brady…"

And I'm sighing like a twelve year old girl again. He is just too sweet for words…

Leaning forward, I press my lips to his and kiss him gently, loving the feel of his scruffy chin against my skin. Then I whisper, "Lay your head back, baby…let me take care of you…"

Smiling against my lips, he tilts his head back and I reach over his shoulder and grab his shampoo. I take my time, running my fingers through his long, wet, blonde hair. And I think that running my fingers through his hair might just be my new most favorite thing ever…well, one of my new most favorite things ever…

As the last of the suds trails down his gorgeous backside, I take a moment to just marvel at his perfection.

_Holy fuckballs, this is really real…I must be the luckiest boy in the whole wide world…_

All too soon, we're out of the shower and back in his bedroom. We both start getting dressed and I have to bite my lip to keep from squealing because we just work so effortlessly together…so natural.

But I am not altogether ready for the site of "work" Brandon because one look at him in his dirty work boots, worn out jeans, white t shirt stretched out over his broad chest and an old flannel thrown on top is almost too much…

And suddenly I'm wishing that maybe I would've worn my looser jeans but then I catch him looking at my ass so I know I made the right decision.

Once we're dressed, I go to the bathroom to fix my hair and he leans against the door, watching me with an amused smile on his face. It doesn't take too long and when I'm done, I smirk at him as I hand him the brush, "Let's see how long it takes you…"

He just smirks right back as he brushes his hair back, it's still damp and in about 30 seconds he hands me the brush back and smiles, "Done."

It kills me that being so handsome is completely effortless to him.

Rolling my eyes, I lay it down and finish getting ready, putting in my contacts and rubbing lotion on my arms and hands…causing Brandon to bury his nose in my shoulder and groan softly behind me.

It makes me giggle and he raises his eyes to smile at me in the mirror but then…our eyes lock, cocoa and ocean blue, and slowly he lifts himself up until he's standing at full height behind me, still watching…

I'm not sure what he's looking at so intently but then his arms slide around my stomach, and my hands lay on top of his and it's then that I really notice 'us' in the mirror…we look good together…like a couple…despite our differences, we just 'fit'…

And then it happened…an image floated through my mind of us…in our own place, our own bathroom, looking into our mirror…the two of us together…years from now…

There was a different kind of heat that coursed through my belly, I mean, I had plenty of horny, dirty thoughts about guys in the past but I never, ever had a thought about just being with someone for…forever….

It was an overwhelming feeling and I really wondered what he was thinking as he watched us but I was teetering dangerously close to the edge of saying something completely idiotic like, fuck your probation, let's run away to Mexico and live on the beach…I mean, I don't know any Spanish but I could pass for Hispanic and you know the language well enough for us to make it until I could pick it up…we could spend the rest of our days, lying in the sand, the ocean splashing at out feet as we lick tequila from each other's throbbing man parts…

_Shit, simmer down, Brady…let's just focus on one thing at a time…for now, just breathe…_

Taking in a shaky breath, I smile at him, "What time do you have to be at work?"

His daze broke as he grabbed his phone from his pocket to check the time, "Bout an hour…I got time to take ya to breakfast, if ya wanna go…"

I nod and turn in his arms to look up at him, "Sure…"

And then I wait because I think he should know what I want…luckily he does…

He laughs as he leans down with his arms still around my waist and nods his head, "C'mon, Princess…"

I may have squealed a tiny bit and bounced once or twice but I would never admit it. Instead, I grin like a fool as I reach up on my tip toes, put my hands on his shoulders, and hop up.

I realize it's completely childish of me to want to be carried but screw you, I like it.

It makes me think of when I was a kid and I'd raise my arms begging my mother to pick me up and just hold me…but she would just tell me to grow up and act like a big boy instead of a baby…

So apparently I was digressing but until Carlisle offered to put me into therapy, I wasn't going to worry about it.

Smiling as I laid my head on his big strong shoulder, I sighed, "You don't really have to carry me, Brandon…"

_Yes, you do…_

He just tightened his grip and laughed, "I don't mind it none…"

A few minutes later, he had my bag and had carried me down the stairs. I finally had him put me down at the front door because it was ridiculous enough that he carried me around his house…I wouldn't do that to him in public.

Before he opened the door, he looked down at me with a sweet grin and flushed cheeks, "I, uh…had a real good time last night, Brady…"

Feeling my own cheeks flush, I give my best sassy smirk as I slip on my sunglasses, "Oh you haven't seen anything yet, Brandon…I have something special planned for tonight…gay porn…"

His mouth fell open as I giggled and opened the door, hopping down the steps and practically skipping to his truck.

Of course, he helped me in like a sweet southern gentleman before he climbed in on his side and looked over at me with a beautiful grin, "Gay porn, huh?"

I just nod and smile back, "Have you ever seen two men have sex? I mean, besides prison because you know that's not the same thing, right?"

His cheeks are a little flushed as he begins driving but he smirks, "Hey, I'll have you know that I'm like an expert and shit on anal preparation…I know about the magic of the prostate and that lube is your best friend…"

And now I'm chuckling uncontrollably, "Oh my God did Carlisle talk to you too?"

Shaking his head, he grins, "No…it was Jay…"

"This is just too good…oh, I bet Jay was just ecstatic giving you the anal prep speech…he and Eddie have told horror stories of that moment since it happened. In fact, last year Carlisle made me suffer through it too…God, that was horrifyingly educational…"

Now he's laughing as he nods, "I know exactly what you mean…"

Soon we pull up to a small diner and walk in. It's relatively empty but he calls out for a guy named Carlos.

I see a boy coming over and I notice that he walks with just a hint of a limp and that his arm is disfigured. But he smiles wide and friendly at Brandon as they exchange a few words in Spanish.

Then Brandon smiles at me, "Brady, this is my buddy Carlos…"

He's just a littler taller than me but seems very sweet as he hold out his good hand, "Hi Brady."

I shake his hand and smile back, "Hi Carlos, it's nice to meet you."

Looking up at Brandon, he laughed, "I didn't know you had so many friends, B? Where's the other guy?"

For a moment, I start to get upset but Brandon smiles, "I had breakfast with Carlisle yesterday…"

_Oh thank God…wait, I wonder what that was about…_

We talk a few minutes more with Carlos before he goes back to make our breakfast and we take a seat in a booth.

Brandon told me about how Carlisle just 'happened' to drive by yesterday and see him at the cemetery and that they had breakfast. I've known Carlisle since I was 15 and let me tell you, that man doesn't just 'happen' to do anything when it comes to us…he always has this uncanny way of coming through at the right moment or for knowing exactly what we need. If I believed in magical powers, Big Daddy C would definitely be the best superhero ever…but since I don't believe in magic, I think it's just because he really pays attention to us. He knows us well enough to know what we're going to do before we do it. He knows because he loves us.

And now Brandon was a part of his clan so he'd make every effort to get to know him too. I felt better knowing that Carlisle was watching out for him because he was just one of those people that made you feel like nothing bad could happen to you when he was around.

Breakfast, just like everything else with Brandon, was easy and fun as we just talked and laughed like we had been doing since we met.

But much too soon, we were pulling up to Suzie's house and I sighed, wishing I could give him a kiss before he left but sitting in the truck, I knew it was impossible.

"Have a good day at work, Brandon."

He smiled, "I'll walk ya in…"

Just like the sweet southern boy he is, he opened my door and helped me hop out before walking me to the door. I had texted Suzie before we left the diner and she said she'd leave the door unlocked.

He reached around me and opened it before following me in. Once the door was shut, I noticed the house was still quiet but I heard Suzie and Jeremiah whispering in the kitchen. I didn't know what they were talking about but they stopped and looked up when we walked into the kitchen.

"Mornin' boys…"

Suzie grinned, wide and beautiful as she looked up from her coffee and Jeremiah smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, "Mornin…so have you taken his man cherry yet, Brady?"

I giggled and rolled my eyes but Brandon narrowed his, "Cut the shit, J, what's wrong?"

Jeremiah groaned as his head fell to his hands, "Fuck, Cuz…Candace called me a little while ago…"

Brandon pulled out a chair and sat down, pulling me into his lap, "Did ya'll speak civil since you're sober now?"

"Yeah, we was calmed down…she wants to see JJ, said she wouldn't cause no trouble but she wants to see him…"

I wrapped my arm around Brandon's shoulder and he tightened his arms around my waist. Jeremiah looked up with a real grin now, "Ya'll really are kinda cute together…"

My cheeks heated and Brandon chuckled, "Yeah, well…I better get goin to work but we'll talk later, k Cuz?"

Jeremiah nodded and I stood up, lacing my fingers with Brandon's as he said bye to them. I walked him to the front door and he smiled down at me as he raised his other hand and cupped my cheek, "I'll call you when I get off so I know where to pick you up…"

Melting into his touch, I smiled back, "I'll be waiting…have a good day, Brandon…"

Leaning down, he wrapped his arms around my back, sliding his hands to my ass as mine went to his shoulders and I stood on my tip toes. He picked me up as I wrapped my legs around him and giggled again.

Now at the eye level, he finally pressed his lips to mine and I sighed, the scruff at his chin scratching me in the most delightful of ways…

I couldn't stop the soft moan as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding against mine, whiskers tickling my lips as I tangled my fingers in his still slightly damp hair.

Once I felt dizzy and breathless, he pulled away with one final peck as he grinned, "You have a good day too, Princess…"

Letting me down gently, he made sure I was steady on my feet before pulling away and chuckling as he walked out the door.

I floated back into the kitchen and Suzie laughed as she handed me a cup of coffee, "Good lord, baby doll, you're just bouncin' from cloud to cloud right now…"

Giggling, I took a sip and smiled at her, "I feel like my feet haven't touched the ground since I came to Texas…"

Jeremiah smiled now as he patted me on the shoulder and stood up, "I ain't ever seen my cousin so happy before, Brady…take care of him, okay? I know he's a big guy but I think that you just might be capable of breakin' him in two so don't hurt him…"

I put my hand over his and squeezed softly before letting go and smiling up at him, "I won't, Jeremiah. I really like him. Are you okay?"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair, "Fuck, man, I don't know…I gotta go wake Ali up and tell her what's goin on with Candace…"

Once he was gone, Suzie moved to the chair beside me and grinned, "Spill it, loverboy…I want all the dirty details…well, maybe not all of them cuz he's my cousin but c'mon, don't leave me hangin…"

I was grinning so wide my cheeks hurt as I told her about the first night and how we bonded over Taco Bell after everyone was asleep…then I told her about lunch the next day and how he kissed me and that we talked for hours…she smacked my arm and called me a sneaky little slut when I told her about the hand jobs before the barbecue and then she sighed as she looked off into the distance dreamily when I told her about the incredible blowjobs and our morning together in the shower…

"Wow…who woulda thought that he's so damn sweet…he must really, really like you, Brady…I ain't ever seen him like this before…"

"I really like him too, Suzie…he's just…so incredible…I don't even have the words…"

We talked for a little while longer until Alice and Jeremiah came shuffling in. Alice smiled and leaned down to kiss my hair, "Morning, babe…how was your night?"

Jeremiah raised his hands, "I'm gonna go shower while ya'll have your dirty girl talk cuz I know ya'll are just as dirty as we are…"

Alice laughed and grabbed his ass as she smirked up at him, "Damn right, cowboy…"

He chuckled as he leaned down and kissed her lips, mumbling, "That's alright…I like dirty girls…"

Once he retreated to the shower, Alice plopped down on my other side and giggled, "Spill, and don't leave out the kinky details…"

So I told the story again as Suzie left to go get dressed. Alice smiled, with her chin resting on her propped up elbow, "What is it about these damn Whitlock men? They're all just so imperfectly perfect, ya know?"

I giggled as I nodded, "Yes, honey, I know all too well…so, now, I want dirty details about you and Jeremiah! He's so damn hot, I don't even care that it's dirty boy/girl sex…"

She smiled as she whispered, "He told me last night that he wants to be with me. We're finally going to try and have a relationship and God, I'm so scared, Brady but so damn happy…and oh my God, I have never been fucked the way he fucked me last night! The boy is a beast! He must've switched positions on me five times and I didn't even know my body could do some of the things he made it do last night…the wait was definitely worth it!"

"Aww, honey, I'm so happy for you! And oh my God, I know what you mean about doing things you didn't know your body could do…he totally let me fuck his mouth!"

She squealed and whispered, "Really? That is sooo hot! Jeremiah pulled me up on his face last night too! Maybe it's a Whitlock thing since Eddie told me once that Jay covered his dick in chocolate sauce and let Eddie face fuck him on his parents kitchen counter! Yay! We can all talk about Whitcock's now! We need to go see him, share the love like he always does!"

I giggled like a mad man, "Yes! We've got to give him every damn detail just like he's done all these years! Whitcock's rule!"

I held out my fist and she giggled too as she pounded it, "Whitcock's totally rule!"

It wasn't much longer later that we finally arrived to the hotel. Walking in the room, I surveyed the scene, waiting for the questions to begin. Rose and Em were at the kitchen table, eating breakfast with the boys. Jay was smoking a cigarette on the patio with Carlisle who was undoubtedly sneaking puffs here and there. Esme knew he did it but she figured as long as he tried to be sneaky about it, it would keep him from starting back full force again. Her and Eddie were sitting on the couch talking as she smiled up at us, "Good morning, kids. How was your night?"

We all grinned like fools as we told her it was good.

She raised an eyebrow at me and grinned, "Anything new happen?"

I giggled as I flopped down on the couch next to her and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, "Oh Esme, he's so beautiful and sweet, God, he's so sexy and wonderful…he carried me around all night and treated me like a princess…I like him so much…"

Eddie reached over and laced his fingers with mine as we both cuddled into his mom, "So, everything went well last night, Brady?"

I smiled at him and nodded, "Better than I ever dreamed, Edward."

Esme chuckled as she leaned her head against mine, "I just knew it…I told Carlisle yesterday after we left the barbecue that you and Brandon had something going on. The boy couldn't keep his eyes off you and he grins every time you look at him. Whatever he needs, you just let me know, sweetheart…"

Edward raised an eyebrow and smirked, "I'm going to go get dressed…come with…"

I nodded and followed him down the hall to his and Jay's room. As soon as he shut the door, he drug me over to the bed and pulled me next to him. Lying side by side and holding my hand, he grinned, "So…how was it?"

I couldn't stop giggling today, "Oh my God, Eddie, he's so wonderful…"

"Did you guys, you know, go all the way?"

Laughing, I shook my head, "Not yet but definitely soon…"

He sighed, "Are you still scared?"

Letting out a breath, I spoke quietly, "Maybe a little…I mean, I know that what Joshua did wasn't how it's supposed to be but…God, it really hurt, Edward…and Brandon is considerably bigger…and he's never been with a man before…I really, really want to but yeah, I guess I'm still a little scared…"

Reaching over, he pushed my hair from my face and smiled, "Brandon seems to really care about you, Brady. If you don't feel like you're ready then make him wait. He's not pressuring you, is he?"

That made me laugh as I shook my head, "No, I'm kinda the one that stuck my hand down his pants first, big shocker, I know…"

Rolling his eyes, he chuckled before he got serious again, "Just be careful okay, and if you want to stop, tell him. I'm sure he wouldn't be upset with you. Have you told him about Joshua?"

"Um, no, not the details but I suppose I should before we get that far…"

He smiled before he started laughing, "So…tell me everything, I know you've been waiting…"

And so I did, every dirty little detail and by the time I was done, he laid on his back and sighed with a gorgeous crooked grin, "He sounds amazing, Brady, I'm so happy for you. I can't believe how sweet and romantic he is…he looks so…feral…"

I groaned, "God, I know, Eddie…I never imagined that someone as gorgeous as him would actually be interested in someone like me…"

Now he rolled to his side and propped himself up with a smirk, "Brady, you're gorgeous…I've never understood why you don't see that. And Brandon is so lucky to have you because I think he really needs someone to give him a lot of attention and care. I don't know but there's just something there, in his eyes…he's been hurt a lot in his life, I think…after you guys left last night, Jeremiah said that he hasn't ever opened up to anyone before like he has with you…how are you handling everything? I suppose hearing about his past hasn't been easy…"

I mirrored his position and shook my head, "No, it hasn't been easy. God, Edward, he's been through so many horrible things…things I can't even imagine having to deal with…and he's done bad things but I really think that he just needs some help to get out of this place…this town and those people are killing his spirit…"

He nodded, "Be patient with him, Brady, because I realize these last few days may have been good but they may not always be…"

"I know, Edward. He had a hard time after the barbecue the other night. He struggles so bad and he has nightmares…oh, I'm going to make him a dream catcher…we need to go shopping!"

We were interrupted by the door opening and Jay walking in, wearing only a pair of old gray sweats, "Well hot damn, can I be in the middle?"

We both laughed as I scooted over and Eddie patted the bed, "Come, Love…we're talking about your cousin's cock…"

I burst out laughing and Jay just smirked as he crawled up in between us, "Whatever, you know you're all about some Pierre, Eddie…and besides, I'm gonna let you have your fun cuz I'm gonna get dirty details from Brandon later anyway…"

Now Edward smacked his chest and they both laughed.

Jay was lying on his back in between us when he smiled over at me, "Is he treatin' you right?"

I nodded, "Yes, Jay, he's a total gentleman…"

"Are you treatin' him right?"

Raising an eyebrow, I smirked, "I gave him the best head of his life and washed his hair this morning…I don't think he has any complaints…"

He held out his fist for me to bump, "Well, alright then…"

I bumped it back and he grinned, "So, you know he's never done anal, right?"

"Yes, Jay, I know…thanks for giving him the anal prep speech…ooohh, that totally reminds me, we're watching gay porn tonight because I figured he hasn't seen two boys fuck before, besides, ya know, prison…anyway, I need lots of lube…and condoms…oh and a new outfit for tonight…"

Jay jumped up and yanked off his sweats before he grabbed a pair of jeans and smiled, "Get your pretty porcelain ass up, Eddie…we're goin' to the adult store cuz we're adults now…and you, Brady, really ought to think bout gettin' a butt plug cuz seriously, I've seen my cousin's dick and I'm a little worried for your ass right now…"

_Sweet baby Jesus, he's a silly bastard…_

So, me, Edward, Jasper, Rose, Alice, and Suzie headed to the city for shopping while Jeremiah and Em took the boys swimming.

We wandered around awhile and I found a craft store to be able to get everything I needed to make Brandon a pretty rainbow dream catcher and Alice found me the tightest pair of jeans I think I've ever owned…in other words, the perfect jeans for my date. I had thought about dressing up a little but Jay reminded me that Brandon would most likely be wearing jeans so I should go casual too.

And then we found a tawdry adult shop off the side of the highway and across from the Bates Motel…it was awesome.

The girls all started looking at the slutty lingerie while Edward stared at the ground as Jay and I played with the sex toys.

Waving a bright blue dildo around, Jay smiled, "Hey look, Eddie, it matches my eyes!"

Edward groaned and whispered, "That's nice, Jay."

Then I grabbed a bright green one, "Oooh, look, Eddie, this matches your eyes too!"

Jay smiled as he threw an arm around him, waving that blue dildo not far from his face, "C'mon, babe, we can get us a couple new light sabers and have galactic cock wars in the bedroom…"

Eddie rolled his eyes and grabbed the dildos from our hands, "Fine, we can get them but must you wave them around? We have a bag, let's use it."

He shoved them both into the bag as Jay and I giggled like kids at a candy store. Then Jay pulled him aside and started whispering in his ear and I could see Eddie's crooked smile. They went off on their own for a bit, I think so Jay could sweet talk him and make sure he wasn't mad.

I looked at condoms. And oh my God, I never realized there were so many! I've never bought them before so I didn't know what in the hell I was doing and honestly, looking at the long wall of boxes freaked me out a little.

Luckily, Alice walked over and smiled as she handed me a box, "These don't even feel like he's wearing a condom…trust me, they're the best…"

Jay hollered out, "Better get XXL, man!"

Eddie smacked his arm and told him to behave.

I took the box and smiled, "Thanks, Ali."

I did trust Alice when it came to the best condoms because she was really the only person I knew that had an active sex life and wasn't married. Yes, Ali got around but she was always safe and I knew the truth as to why she dated so much…she was scared of being in love and losing them, like her mother lost her father.

But it looked like she was finally ready to settle down with Jeremiah. I hoped like hell that they made it because it would destroy her to lose him…

_Just like it's going to destroy you to leave Brandon…_

Shaking the depressing thoughts from my head, I resolved to just not think about the end of the week and focus on tonight. I figured showing Brandon gay porn would be a good idea for several reasons…

1. I know that he's had some confusion about his sexuality so this should help clear things up a bit for him.

2. I want him to see that two men can have sex without pain if done properly.

3. I like porn and I think it'd be totally hot to watch it with him.

An hour later, everyone walked out loaded up with goodies. We stopped and had a quick lunch before heading back to the hotel. When we walked in, Carlisle was sitting at the kitchen table with Esme, drinking tea and talking. Emmett was asleep on the couch with Em J curled up on his belly and Jeremiah was asleep in the recliner with JJ passed out on his chest.

They were just too cute for words and Edward pulled out his camera and took a few pictures. Rosalie and Alice eventually took the little ones to the bed so they could nap. Jeremiah followed suit and left to the bedroom while Emmett got up.

I went to shower and prepare for my date while everyone else scattered around. Taking my time, I let the hot water work it's magic and I felt good when I got out. Wrapping myself up in Suzie's fluffy pink robe, I heard a knock on the door and Em's voice, "Hey Brady, you decent?"

I tied the robe and began rubbing the towel through my hair, "Yes, Em. Come in."

He peeked his head through and grinned when he saw me, "You excited about your big date tonight? It's your first real date…"

Smiling up at him I nodded, "I know, and yes, I can't wait! God, Em, I've been waiting for this my whole life…"

Laughing softly, he sat down on the bed behind me, "Yeah, I know you have. So, what up, Brady? Are you and Brandon dating or are you just fooling around?"

I sighed as I began laying out my clothes, "It's complicated…I mean, we talked a little about just having fun together but…he came out for me…and I really want to see where this goes. I think he might be the one, Em…"

"Brady, you really need to talk to him about what happens when the week ends. I don't want you getting hurt. And I really hope he is the one for you, but if he hurts you, I'll kick his ass…or at least try, Rosie's cooking is making me a little soft in the gut…"

I smiled, "You're sweet, Em, but I don't think he'll hurt me. He's been incredibly sweet and honest to me so far about everything so I'll talk to him about what he wants from this…whatever this is…"

He nodded and sighed, "I don't think he'd hurt you either but he obviously has anger control issues after what happened at the barbecue last night so just promise me you'll be careful and if you ever get scared, for any reason, promise you'll call me to come get you."

Walking over I pushed his shoulder and smiled, "I promise, you big lug, now stop worrying about me. And unless you want to see the perfection that is my ass, scoot on out of here so I can get dressed."

Holding up his hands, he stood, "I love you, dude, but I'm out…"

He walked over to the door and I hurried over to him, "Hey Em!"

Turning around, I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him tight, "I love you too…thanks for caring about me."

He held me for a moment before ruffling my damp hair and grinning, "You're my little dude, Brady…"

An hour later, I was finishing up when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Brady, I'm headin' home now to jump in the shower…where ya at?"

"The hotel. It's too bad you're showering first, I bet you look so hot right now…"

He chuckled, low and deep, "Not unless you think bein' all sweaty and dirty is a turn on…"

"You do know who you're talking to, right?"

I loved to hear him laugh.

"Well, maybe we can work that out tomorrow. I'll be there in about 40 minutes, okay?"

"Okay, see you soon, be safe, Brandon."

"See ya soon, Brady."

40 minutes later, my bag was packed and of course, everyone was waiting for him to get there.

I was so nervous and excited about tonight. This was my first real date and it was with a man that was more perfect than any dream guy I'd ever had.

There was a knock on the door and Jeremiah opened it. Brandon gave him the one armed man hug before walking in and smiling, "Hey everybody…nice to see ya'll again…"

They said there hellos and he grinned down at me, "Hey, Princess, you look really good…"

"Thank you, so do you."

And he really did. He still wore jeans but they were nicer than his work jeans though still a little too baggy. He had on a dark gray t-shirt that fit across his chest nicely and really showed off his killer arms.

His hair was a little damp too and it was everything I could do to keep from hopping up on him and shoving my tongue down his throat…but I would definitely be doing that very soon.

"You ready to go?"

I nodded and grabbed my bag but he took it from me as he laced his fingers with mine, "I got it."

We said good bye to everyone and Carlisle made me promise to call them when we got back to his house after the museum.

I had been a little nervous all day about how this would go…but his sweet dimpled grin and big sweaty palm made me relax as he held my hand all the way to his truck and helped me in.

And I had to bite my lip to keep from squealing as he shut my door for me…


	10. Chapter 10

**Um, sorry for the delay. I hope the extra long chapter will make up for it. October is a busy busy month for me…my birthday and anniversary…plus, I'm working on a few new things…**

**Thank you to everyone for reading and hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**Brandon's POV**

Normally I don't mind workin' too much but today had been the longest fuckin' day of my life, and that's sayin' something…

Brady just about killed me with that porn talk this mornin…

My mind had been runnin' through the gutter all day long cuz I knew he was waitin' for me when the day ended…and I knew we were gonna watch porn together…

Not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous but there ain't no way that Brady + Porn could equal anything but fuckin' awesome…

But still, I had never seen gay porn before…

I mean, the only times I ever seen two guys get together was in prison…and honestly, it's not somethin' you look at or pay any attention too…so I didn't have too many visuals in my head but one thing that I couldn't stop thinkin' about were the sounds I'd hear at night…

There is no place on this earth scarier than a cell at night…

And it's not cuz anything too awful bad happened to me but it's just the sounds you hear…the muffled screams…the strangled sobs…the animals goin' wild…

Nothing but pain and anger and hopelessness suffocating you with every stench filled breath…

But I wasn't gonna dwell on that shit today cuz I had a date with my sexy little boyfriend…

That still felt a little weird to say but it didn't stop me from grinnin' like a dumbass…

I rushed through my shower, anxious to see him, but a little nervous cuz it was really like my first date, which is fuckin ridiculous at 25 but fuck, I'd been locked up since I was a teenager…

Knowing that he didn't have much experience at this datin' shit was actually kind of a relief cuz we'd just figure it out together…

Since the hotel was outside of town, I decided that I was gonna start simple by holdin' his hand and helpin' him in the truck…and it was really hard.

I hated for people to look at me and that was one thing I was gonna have to get over if I was gonna be with Brady cuz people were gonna look. Like I told Carlisle, I wasn't afraid of what people was gonna say but I was kinda terrified of how I might react.

So, I had to be very careful and try to block everything else, which when you've spent more than half your life, always watchin' your back and sleepin' with one eye open, it's hard to ignore the people around you.

But I could do it for Brady…I _had _to do it cuz he was leavin' soon and I might never get this chance again…

Steelin' my nerve, I slid in next to him and smiled, "So, uh, you wanna eat before we go to the museum or after?"

He shrugged and bounced a little in his seat, "It's up to you since you've worked all day."

"Okay, then, let's go to the museum first since it closes early…"

Before long, we were on the highway headin' to Houston and I couldn't stand him being so far away. My nerves had calmed a little, watching him bounce around singin' along to the classic rock on the radio. So, I put my arm on the back of the seat and smiled, "You're awfully far away, Princess…"

Giggling, he scooted over until he was cuddled into my side as I drove. I liked the way he fit there just right.

"So how was your day, Brandon?"

I laughed as I poked him in his side, "Long as hell, thanks to you and your porn talk this mornin'…"

Trying to look innocent, he stared up at me with those big cocoa eyes and fluttered his long lashes, "Oh?"

With a roll of my eyes, I smirked down at him, "Don't try that shit with me, Brady…you did exactly what you was meanin' to do…gettin' me all riled up and shit…"

That made him laugh as he nudged me in the ribs, "Oh, so you're all riled up like a horny toad, huh? You do know there is an old fairy tale about a Princess that kisses a toad and then wonderful, magical things happen…"

Sliding his little hand over my jeans and along my dick, he smirked, "I _am _your Princess so maybe I could give him a little kiss and see what kind of magical things I can make happen…"

It was temptin…fuck, was it temptin' but I was gonna do this proper, god damn it…

So, I grabbed his hand and brought it to my lips, as I puckered them against his soft skin, "You ain't makin this gentleman shit easy, Brady…but I'm damned well determined to do this right…so no suckin' on my love pole till after dinner…"

He threw his head back in laughter and wiped at the tears in his eyes, "Classic…"

I loved watchin' him laugh…his eyes would crinkle in the corner and his cheeks would flush…he really was kinda beautiful.

The drive took a little while but we didn't have no problem talkin'…seemed we never did…

"So, Brandon, what was your first time like? Wait, if it was completely awful you don't have to tell me…"

"Nah, it was pretty good actually…but are you sure you wanna know?"

"Yes, I want to know everything about you, Brandon…"

He smiled up at me like I was the most precious thing on earth and I had to look away as them butterflies in my tummy went wild.

"Uh, okay…her name was Iliana and we were 14. She was just here for the summer, visitin' her daddy for a couple weeks till she went back home to her mama in California. I'd always take Jeremiah and Suzie down to the courts at the playground and teach them how to play ball…"

Now I chuckled as I glanced down at him, "Really it was a way I could keep an eye on both of them while wearin' their asses out so they wouldn't run circles around me…hyper little shits…anyway, she showed up one day and asked if she could play. So, it was cool cuz we needed a fourth anyway. She was real nice and since she was leavin', she didn't care about what the other kids in the neighborhood thought of her so she kept on playin'. After the first couple of days, she started packing a little picnic of lemonade and tamales for us…it was real sweet…"

He smiled and sighed dreamily, "Oooh, this is going to be romantic…"

I laughed and shrugged, "Well, I don't know about that, Brady, but it was nice. Her last weekend at her daddy's house, he got called away to work and was gonna be gone, like twelve hours so she asked if I would come stay the night with her cuz she was afraid to be alone. So, after I walked Jeremiah and Suzie home, we walked back to her house together. And you know how it goes, we were lyin' on her bed kissin…and that led to makin' out and eventually that night, we did it. It was great…we fell asleep together and woke up before her daddy got home. I walked away the next mornin' at the crack o'dawn feelin' like big shit…"

He smiled up at me, "That actually sounds very nice, Brandon. Did you see her again?"

I could feel my cheeks heatin' up as I laughed, "Yeah, the next night was her last so we snuck off to the park and did it on the play bridge between the slides…"

Of course, he smacked my chest and howled in laughter, "Oh my God! Where children play? That is so wrong and so completely awesome…you _are _the shit!"

After he caught his breath, I tightened my arm around and glanced down to look him in the eye, "So, uh…you was sayin' that your first time weren't too good…you ain't gotta tell me if you don't want to but I'd like to know…"

The smile fell from his face at he looked down to his hands playing nervously with the bottom of his shirt. I didn't like makin' him feel bad but if we was headin' down that road together then I needed to know what that asshole did so I wouldn't make the same mistake and accidentally hurt him.

Sliding my hand down his arm, I whispered, "C'mere, Brady…"

Then I pulled him a little closer and he laid his head on my chest as he curled his legs up on the seat, cuddling into me. His voice was soft, "His name was Joshua…"

By the end of the story, I wanted to kill Joshua. I ain't ever hated a name so much in my whole fuckin' life.

But what really killed me about the whole thing was that Brady somehow thought it was his fault cuz he trusted the fuckin bastard.

He wasn't cryin but he was sad and I needed to do somethin' about that. So I pulled off on the next exit at a rest area and parked the truck.

Questioning me about what we were doin, I turned in my seat and looked at him, "I don't wanna be distracted when I say this and I want you to really hear me, okay?"

His pretty eyes were big as he nodded and whispered a breathless little, "Okay…"

Takin' a deep breath, I tried to gather my words right, "Um…okay, so please don't take this wrong…you're a little dramatic, that's just how you are, so you makin' this Josh bastard into somethin' better than he was, wasn't your fault…like you said before, you always try to find the good in somethin' and I guess when it ain't there, you just see somethin' prettier instead…"

Tuckin my hair behind my ears, I smiled, "You're a sweetheart, Brady, and this guy saw that and took advantage of you from day one. You may have build things up but he knew how to play you…and I'm sure you wasn't the first boy he's done it too. And yeah, I know you thought you wanted it but do you really think his friends were just bein' gracious givin' you all them drinks? You're a little guy and they was givin you hard liquor disguised in fruit juice so he could get what he wanted all that much easier. You were way too drunk, completely alone at the party, and he knew you were a little too naïve to see him for the snake he was…he took advantage of you. It wasn't rape but it don't make what he did to you right either. And all them things he said about you not bein' good and bein' too easy, that was just the dick makin' himself feel like a pimp…"

Reaching out, I grabbed his hand and laced his fingers with mine, "I'm real sorry that happened to you, you're much too special and much too sweet but you gotta promise me somethin'…"

His fingers clenched mine as he nodded, still staring at me wide eyed and innocent.

"You gotta promise me that when you get back home and guys start takin' notice to you, cuz they _will _take notice, Brady…promise me that you're gonna open them pretty brown eyes and really look at what kinda person they are…pay attention to how they treat you and how they make you feel cuz guys are assholes and they can fake how much they like you…"

The parking lot was packed with people and our windows were down. But if I was gonna talk the talk, I had to walk the walk. Any guy that deserved to be with Brady should never be afraid to show him how much they want him…he needed to know that he was absolutely adored.

So I was gonna do my best to show him what that should feel like.

Scooting across the seat, I slid my arm around his back and pulled him closer, still holding his hand, I brought it up around my neck and finally wrapped both arms around him. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes big as saucers, and his heart racin' so loud I could hear the way his breath caught.

My eyes were lidded as I looked at those pretty lips of his and whispered, "This is real, Brady…this is how it should feel when someone really, really likes you…"

His eyes fluttered shut before I closed the space between us and kissed him with everything I had…like how I should've had the courage to kiss him back at the hotel…

And I found that when Brady's tongue was in my mouth, I really didn't give a fuck about anything else, much less a bunch of strangers…

Little fingers clenched my biceps as he moaned softly into the kiss and I had one hand underneath the back of his shirt, rubbing that little dip right at the top of his ass…while my other hand grabbed that ass cuz it was almost impossible to not wanna squeeze it every chance I got.

Once we finally pulled away, pantin as he rested his forehead against mine, I smiled and rasped out, "That's how it feels to be fuckin' adored, Brady…don't forget it…"

Getting one last peck, I pulled away, leaving him breathless and dazed as he smiled wide and beautiful with dark pink cheeks and lidded eyes.

My cheeks were on fire and my heart was poundin against my chest as I pulled my hands through my hair and laughed, "Holy shit, you're a good kisser…"

The boy could make me lose my fuckin' mind with that mouth of his…

If it was possible, he grinned even wider, "Really?

That made me lie my head back on the seat and roll my eyes as I grinned, still breathless, "Best I ever had, Princess…"

And then he squeaked out a little, "Yes!" before he started dancin' in his seat.

I just watched him…and I realized that I could spend every hour of every day watchin' him be this happy and never ever get tired of it.

A moment later, he stopped abruptly and cringed, "I'm sorry, I guess I got a little carried away…"

Leanin' over and takin his chin in my hand, I tilted his face up to mine and smiled, "Don't ever be sorry for dancin, baby…anytime you wanna dance or squeal or bounce, you go right ahead and do it…I got your back…"

I gave him a wink as I pecked his lips once more and pulled away.

He bit his lip for a second before he began bouncin' in his seat and shriekin' a little…

Watchin' him let loose like this was definitely the best part of my whole day so far…

Once he was all bounced out, I smiled, "Come on…"

Opening my door, I stepped out and reached out for his hand. It was a little harder to ignore the people out here but with his hand to hold onto, I figured it'd be a good reminder of why I gotta keep myself together.

I don't ever wanna lose it again in front of him…I wanna show him I can be a…ya know, civilized member of society and shit…

At least I really hoped I could…

He laughed as he took my hand and scooted out, "What are we doing? Do you have to pee?"

I shook my head and shut the door behind him, "No, we still got, like, an hour drive and I want some candy. Want some?"

Walking to the vending machine seemed like the longest walk of my life…well, second longest, the first walk into prison was considerably longer…but this was one hard too. People were lookin' as we walked by, Brady just blissfully ignoring them as he went on about why sour patch kids were the best candy of all time.

"They start out sour which really makes your eyes water and opens your taste buds, only to be followed by gooey sweetness…and then you have to consider the fact that you're eating candy shaped like small children, which is totally crazy because it should be somewhat disturbing, right? But it's not, because they're so good…I love candy that's kind of demented if you think about it…like gummy worms or Pixie Stix…Big League Chew or those little bubble gum cigars…"

I soon found out that it wasn't all that hard to ignore everyone else if I just paid attention to Brady cuz he was funny and clever and kinda twisted…I thought he was really cool.

Looking down at the machine, I smiled, "Well you're in luck, Brady…"

A few minutes later, we were back on the highway, him cuddled into my chest as he fed us his bag of sour patch kids.

I have to be honest, pullin' into the museum parkin' garage was pretty scary. I had never really been anywhere or done much of nothin' and I didn't wanna look like a total idiot. I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know if I had to buy, like, tickets or some shit or how this even worked.

Luckily, Brady linked his arm with mine and pretty much led the way.

I was perfectly content to just walk behind and let him do his thing. And after just ten minutes of bein' there, I found myself completely blown away by how smart and articulate he was…he commanded that gallery like he owned it and he spoke with such confidence and passion that it took my breath away.

And he was charming and witty as he just rattled off so much information but I never once found myself gettin' bored or confused…

"Pablo Picasso was considered a natural born artist…he was drawing before he could even walk and his very first word was lapiz…"

I smiled and blurted out, "Pencil!"

He laughed and smiled, "Very good, Brandon," as he kept on walkin' and talkin…

"Oh and this piece, Matisse's Le Bateau, The Boat, hung upside down at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City in 1961 for two months before someone realized the mistake…"

It was highly entertaining watching him bounce from piece to piece and give me all these little interesting facts about each one.

He knew something about everything in there and I couldn't help but laugh as he snubbed his nose up at a statue called The Age of Bronze.

"Now, this piece was considered so realistic in 1878 that many people believed a live person was sacrified inside the cast…"

Tilting my head, I looked at it and sighed. "So, uh…were all guys dicks that little in 1878?"

Chuckling, he shrugged, "God, I've always wondered the same thing! I mean, really, would it have killed the man that posed for this thing to slip old Auguste a few extra coins to embellish his man parts…"

I just smirked down at him with my eyebrow cocked, "Yeah, I wouldn't have that problem…"

Trailinig his little fingers along the waist of my jeans, he smiled back up at me, "Mmm…yeah, I know…you're very blessed…"

That made me laugh, "Yeah, I mean, most of my life has sucked ass but I got a big dick so it's cool…"

_Oops…didn't notice the little old ladies in the corner…_

My face turned red as they gave me the evil eye but Brady was laughing hysterically as he grabbed my hand and pulled me along, "Don't worry about them, sweetheart, they're probably imagining your man parts cast in bronze as we speak…"

They huffed as we left the room and headed down a hallway. Once we were away, I leaned over and whispered, "Sorry if I embarrassed you…I got a dirty ass mouth and no fuckin filter but I'm workin on it…"

Stopping, he turned and looked up at me with a soft sweet smile, "Brandon, say what you want, when you want…don't be afraid to be who you are because I adore your brilliant, dirty mind…and I've got your back."

He gave me a wink and not givin a fuck about where we were, I cupped his pretty little jaw and leaned down to kiss him.

When I was with Brady, it seemed like anything was possible…and that's a crazy thing for a boy like me.

His soft lips puckered against mine a few times before pulling away with a dopey grin. I can't rightly say my grin wasn't any more dopier than his though.

We walked along for awhile longer, hand in hand as until he stopped and smiled at a painting on the wall, "Do you know what this is?"

I tilted my head as I looked at the picture for a minute before I asked, "Is that two guys in bed together?"

Giggling, he jumped up and down and clapped a little before he went into art professor mode, "Yes! Okay, the artist was Francis Bacon and he often depicted two men making love. This particular piece is called, 'Two Figures,' and he painted it in 1953. He was openly homosexual and most people either loved or hated his work. He died in 1992 but many of his pieces are still very controversial…"

I smiled, "Huh…that's kinda cool…"

He just nodded as he kept on while I followed behind him, "There were many artists believed to be gay…Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Georgia O'Keefe, Andy Warhol…so, you know, you wouldn't be the first…"

Now I was a little confused, "I ain't no artist, Brady…"

Smiling up at me with wide cocoa eyes, he traced his fingers along my arm, "Yes, you are, Brandon…this is art…and you're an artist…"

My cheeks were beginning to burn again as I shook my head, "This ain't real art…"

Then he smacked my arm, "Hush your mouth, honey, tattoos can be beautiful works of art…have you given any consideration to it?"

Pushing my hair behind my ears, I shrugged, "I don't know, Brady…I'm gettin' by alright on construction…"

He took my hand and led me over to a bench, motioning for me to sit. I did as he sat next to me, "You wanted me to make a promise to you back at that truck stop that I would open my pretty brown eyes and see people for what they truly are…well, I see you, Brandon. You have a difficult time expressing your emotions and that's understandable, given your past…but you can express it through your drawings. Sketch your pain…get it out…stop just 'getting by' in your life…live it. Your cage is open, sweetheart, you just have to step outside it…promise me that when I'm gone, you'll get off your couch and live your life."

I didn't even wanna think about when he was gone so I just nodded, "I promise."

He smiled and leaned forward to give me a kiss as he mumbled, "Good boy…"

It didn't take us much longer to finish going through the museum and I couldn't remember a day in my life, when I'd had so much fun.

There were all kinds of restaurants within walkin distance and it was a nice night so we decided to walk.

And people looked as we held hands but I was so enraptured with my bouncy little Princess that I simply didn't care.

"You know, I've noticed you're left handed. They say that left handed people are the most creative. The majority of writers and artists are left handed, statistically…I'm right handed but I have a great ass so it's cool…"

I chuckled as he grinned up at me.

Eventually I had to stop him, "Alright, darlin, what'cha wanna eat? There's a few nice steakhouses 'round here and this fancy pasta place…I think there's one of them there sushi places somewhere close by…"

He stopped for a moment to think, before smiling, "You know what I'm really craving? Fully loaded French fries with gooey cheese and bacon and ranch, mmm…and a cheeseburger…."

I laughed, "You sure you don't want nothin' fancy, Princess?"

Linking his arm with mine, he laid his head on my arm and smiled up at me, "I'm just a poor rez boy, Brandon, French fries with bacon and cheese are totally fancy to me."

Lookin at his designer jeans and nice shirt, I sometimes forgot that he didn't come from money like the rest of his friends did. He was just a poor boy like me.

So I grinned, "You're the boss."

We walked a little longer until I stopped at a pub, "This place looks alright…"

He looked up at me as his cheeks darkened but he smirked, "I can't go in there, I'm only 19..."

_Holy shit, that's right…he's only 19..._

I couldn't help but grin as I chuckled, "Oh right, man…sorry bout that…"

Nodding my head and tucking my hair behind my ear, I smiled, "Hey there's a Chuck E. Cheese a few blocks that way…"

Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked up at me with a raised brow and a sassy smirk, "Well, maybe you can get the senior citizen discount, old man…"

That made me laugh even more cuz I loved that I could tease him and he'd just tease me back instead of gettin' all mad about it…

But then he said, "And besides, you're right…"

Fluttering his lashes over his big, cocoa eyes, he slid his hands up my arms as he raised on his tip toes and whispered, "I'm only 19 and at my sexual peak, Daddy…"

Then he giggled with a wink as he turned up that little button nose and pulled away. My mouth was open and my dick was half hard as he turned around and started walkin' off, with a giggle and a sway of his hips.

_This boy's just beggin for it…_

Watching that bubble butt in them tight ass jeans sashay away from me, I quickly adjusted myself and caught up to him…

Slipping my hand over his, our fingers clenched and I grinned down at him, "You may be at your peak, but I was locked up for almost seven years, Princess, I'm sure I can keep up…"

He smiled up at me, "Mmm…I can't wait to find out…"

The boy was killin me and I was damn tempted to just say 'fuck dinner' and take him back to my place…but I told him no suckin' on my love pole till after dinner so I reckon I had to feed the boy first…

Half a block later we ducked into a little burger joint and found a booth in the back that was kinda quiet so we could talk.

And we did, over big ass cheeseburgers and a plate full of ooey gooey French fries that Brady would moan over after each bite…

I think there's something to be said for a boy that can get you hard over French fries…

_Hell, he could probably get me hard by sneezing…I bet it'd be all cute and dainty and shit…glitter probably go flyin' all over the place…_

But we talked more about our childhood's and stuff but never really mentioning the one thing I couldn't stop thinkin bout…

What happens when he leaves…

I needed this to be casual cuz I wasn't nowhere near good enough to be in a healthy relationship right now…but that's a lot easier said than done when I think I'm fallin crazy fast in love with this boy…

Bein with him, scared me but bein without him absolutely terrified me…

I couldn't be selfish though cuz he was so young and in college and shit…this was his time to party and be wild…not settle down in a long distance relationship with an ex-con who wouldn't even be able to come and see him…

But no matter what happened, I hoped we could still talk to each other and be friends cuz now that I had him in my life, I didn't ever wanna lose him…

_Like I did Angel…_

Waves of guilt crashed over me as I realized that the day had went by so fast, I didn't even go see him today…

_Angel wouldn't be mad at you, Brandon…he'd be happy for you…this is what he wanted for you…_

At least I really hoped he'd be happy for me…

"Brandon, are you okay?"

I snapped my eyes up to his as I let out the breath I was holdin, "Um, yeah, I'm fine…sorry for spacin' out…"

_Pay attention, don't fuck this up…_

He just smiled softly as he reached over and squeezed my hand, "If you want to talk, I'll listen. I'm sorry if I'm hogging the conversation…"

Shaking my head, I squeezed his hand back, "I like to listen to ya talk, Brady…"

I wasn't gonna talk to him about Angel cuz it just seemed rude to talk about another guy to the guy I was with…

After dinner, we started walkin back to the truck and it was crazy how comfortable I felt with him and it was amazing how much stronger his itty bitty hand in mine made me feel. Turns out, Houston really wasn't all that bad. I kept expecting something really bad to happen all night but nothin' did. No one said nothin' stupid and pissed me off or looked at me funny too long…maybe I really ought to think about moving here.

And then we passed by a tattoo parlor and Brady desperately wanted to go in…and I had a really, really bad feelin' about it cuz most all the boys I knew that did tats, weren't so gay friendly…

But Brady was nothin' if he weren't persistent and I held his hand a little tighter as we walked in.

It was a nice shop, not real big but not a hole in the wall either. It was the most professional lookin' tattoo shop I'd ever been in anyway.

Brady walked straight up to the counter and smiled at the young boy who sat behind it readin' a World History book. He was covered in tats from the neck down and had a bunch of piercings too.

But he was friendly as he sat his book down and smiled, "How ya'll doin' tonight? Can I help ya?"

Brady smiled, "Yes, actually, I just had a question about what kinds of qualifications you have to have to be a tattoo artist?"

_Holy shit, what's he doin?_

The boy stood and told us to hang on a second so he could get the owner since he just worked the counter part time.

Now I was really nervous. I expected some big, redneck, biker to walk out, see us holdin' hands and start some shit.

But I was not expectin' the big, biker lookin' lady that came out instead. She was close to six foot tall and heavyset with bright red hair and amazing, bright tats on her neck and goin' down her arms. She looked at us before breakin' out into a big grin, "Well, good evenin', boys…one of ya'll lookin' to do tat work?"

Brady grinned up at her, "Yes, ma'am. This is Brandon. We were just curious about how one would go about becoming a tattoo artist…"

Takin' her glasses, that were stuck in the top of her shirt, she slipped them on and came around the counter. She smiled as she looked at my arms, "You drew this?"

I nodded, "Yes, ma'am."

Nodding her head, she studied them for a minute before she smiled, "This is some real nice artwork. You ever done any ink work before, son?"

She was nice but this was weird and I didn't know what to say so I looked down to the ground and mumbled, "A little but…"

Pointing to her own arm, she laughed, "This right here was my very first piece…got it done 25 years ago when I was servin a 10 year bid in Gatesville…"

Now my head snapped up as I looked at her, "You were in prison?"

Giving me a soft smile, she nodded, "Yeah…where'd you do your time?"

"Huntsville…did almost 7 years…"

Raisin an eyebrow she smiled, "I gotta ask what you did?"

Letting out a breath, I told her the truth, "Grand theft auto, possession of stolen property, assault and battery on a police officer, and resisting arrest…"

She just shrugged, "Well, hell, son, that ain't so bad…I shot my ex-husband when I caught the bastard in bed with another woman…lucky for me, he lived and I got a plea…"

Holdin' out her hand, she smiled, "I'm Lou Anne Dunlap…"

I shook her hand and smiled back, "Brandon Whitlock…"

She giggled and it was a nice sound, full and rich, "Well aren't you the gentleman…now who's this handsome little feller…"

"This is my…"

_Holy shit, what do I say? _

"My uh…boyfriend, Brady…"

And then she shook his hand as he smiled, "It's such a pleasure to meet you, Lou Anne! Thank you for taking the time to talk to us."

Her chubby little cheeks turned as red as her hair as she laughed, "Well, aren't ya'll just about the cutest pair I ever seen…"

I could feel my cheeks heating up now as she kept talkin, "So you've done prison tats…do you got a kit?"

I nodded, "Yes, ma'am…"

She was quiet for a moment as she seemed to be contemplatin something before she smiled, "Can you put together a portfolio of your drawin's for me? Just a bunch of different things so I can see what kinda talent you got?"

_What the hell's a portfolio?_

Luckily Brady practically squealed, "Oh yes, ma'am! I'll help him put it together and you'll have it by the end of the week!"

Nudging me, she chuckled, "I bet you do whatever the little one says, huh?"

That made me chuckle as I nodded, "Yes, ma'am."

She clapped her hands together with a loud, rasping laugh, "Smart boy…okay, you bring me that portfolio and if I think I can work with ya, we'll see about gettin' ya a job…now it wouldn't be doin' the tats at first, you'd have to spend some time gettin' to know how this all works so you'd be a grunt boy for awhile…gotta work your way up…but it would be legit, on paper and shit…"

_Holy shit, I could actually get a job here…_

I nodded again as a grin broke across my face, "Yes, ma'am, I understand. Thank you."

She smiled, "Well don't thank me yet, son…I hope to see ya'll in a few days. It was nice to meet ya…"

Brady and I said good bye and he linked his arm with mine and bounced along as we walked back to the truck. I was really glad he insisted we go there. It was amazing how such a little guy could make such a big impact in my life. With him, it really did feel like I could live in another world…a better one that didn't suck so bad.

I had never been so fuckin grateful for someone before…so when we passed a little road side flower stand, I bought him a bunch of real brightly colored daisies…I woulda got him roses but I couldn't really afford it.

But he beamed up at me as he held them to his heart, "No one's ever bought me flowers before…daisies are my favorite and they're every color of the rainbow…perfect, I love them…thank you…"

I never bought Angel flowers, but I did, on occasion, pick some of the carnation's from old man, Dixon's yard a few times when I walked him home…he always loved that…

Smiling down at him, I raised my hand to stroke his soft little cheek, "You're welcome, Brady…thank you for bein' so…cool…"

I didn't know how else to describe it. He was really cool to me cuz I had never met somebody so well put together before.

He giggled, "You think I'm cool?"

"Yeah…you're like, the coolest guy I ever met, Brady…you're really smart and ya got great come backs…you got this twisted sense of humor and this sassiness about ya…I like the way you stay all chill and shit when people are fuckin' with ya…ya don't lose your head and act a fool, you just say somethin' smart and move on…you're strong willed…I don't know, it's just really cool…"

Throwing his arms around me, he hugged me tight as I held onto him.

"Thank you, Brandon."

I thought I was the one who should be thanking him.

Not too much later, we were finally in the truck and headin' back home. He was kinda quiet as he cuddled up into my side and I had thought he fell asleep till he looked up at me and smiled softly, "Did you get a chance to see Angel today?"

Shifting in my seat a little, I shook my head, "No, it's alright though…"

I'd just have to sneak off sometime after I dropped him off in the morning…

But he smiled, "Why don't we stop on the way back to your house?"

Takin a breath, I shrugged, "I don't know…it's just…"

I trailed off as a memory came rushin back at me…

_He had been tutoring me for awhile now and I watched him so close that I could sense his bad mood, even without the excessive cursin' in Spanish…_

_From across the kitchen table, he scribbled in his notebook as he called me a jackass under his breath. His legs were crossed in jeans way too tight as he bounced his knee a hundred miles a minute. The swish of the fabric from those tight little thighs was drivin me crazy and I huffed out, "What the fuck is your problem, man? Are you mad at me or somethin…"_

_The slam of his book made me jump as he yelled back, "As a matter of fact, I am! Why do you do that, huh? Why do you waste yourself?"_

_I was confused and kinda pissed that he yelled at me but I didn't wanna yell back so I just took a deep breath and looked at him, "What are you talkin bout?"_

_Grabbing at his black hair, he tugged at the ends violently before letting out a huff, "Do you know that all the girls at school talk about you? They don't say things like, 'I really like him' or 'he's really sweet'…they say things like, 'he's not boyfriend material but I'd really like to fuck him'…and you graciously oblige them, what have you fucked half the Sophomore class?"_

_He had never talked to me like that before and it made me mad cuz it hurt, so I fired back at him, "Why the fuck do you care who I sleep with, Angel? I don't wanna girlfriend anyway so who gives a fuck what them bitches say about me…"_

"_I do, Brandon! You hide behind this mean, stupid, 'don't give a fuck' act but you're amazing! I hate that cunt of a mother of yours for making you feel like you're not worthy of something real! You waste yourself on sluts that could care less what happens to you! They just use you for your dick!"_

_Shoving his book into his bag, he tosses it over his shoulder and starts to turn away from me but I cant stop myself from reaching out and grabbing his arm. I watched my grip but I turned him around and looked down into his dark brown eyes, and all the air left my lungs as I barely spoke, "Why are you talkin to me like this? I thought you were my friend…"_

_And instantly, the prissy little scowl was gone as his hand came up and brushed my hair behind my ear as he whispered, "I'm sorry…I am your friend, mi loco guero…"_

_The touch was innocent but intimate and unlike anything I'd felt before cuz he was right…the girls I fucked, didn't care about me…didn't take the time to touch my hair or even really talk to me…no one did…_

'_Cept him…and I knew that I should back away from him…tell him not to touch me like that but I can't bring myself to outright lie cuz I __**do **__want him to touch me like that…_

_Dropping my eyes from his, I feel my heart racin' as I ask, "Do you like me?"_

_His dark cheeks turn pink as he smiles and tilts my chin back up to see him, "Very much…if I show you, will you hit me?"_

_That makes me chuckle which only makes the butterflies in my tummy worse as I shakily whisper back, "I don't think so…"_

_He laughs softly before my eyes focus in on his tongue sliding across his bottom lip, then he slowly leans forward…his hand tangles in my hair behind my ear while my arms are crossed tightly across my chest cuz I'm worried bout what I might do with them._

_Gently easing my face down, my eyes close as our lips finally meet. And it's a hundred times better than any kiss I ever had before…_

_It seemed like it lasted forever but ended much too soon…_

_My eyes opened to his grinning face, "That's what it feels like when someone really likes you, Brandon. I don't expect you to be with me but I do expect you to find someone worthy…someone who adores you for you…someone who I would approve of…"_

_He giggles and I laugh._

_But then I nod cuz as much as I wanna kiss him again, I'm kinda terrified of what it may mean…and he's really smart so I ask him…_

"_What does this mean, Angel?"_

_He just smirks up at me and shrugs, "I think it means you're a little gay, Brandon, now walk me home…" _

Brady's voice brings me back, "You said you think he would've liked me…I understand if you don't want to, I just thought it'd be nice to introduce myself…"

And I couldn't help but smile cuz Angel really would've liked him, "You really wanna go?"

He nodded, "Yes, I would but I won't be upset if you're not ready to…"

This is why he was so cool.

It was dark by the time we got to the cemetery but he showed no fear as he held my hand the short distance from my truck to his grave.

It felt weird havin' a guy here but Brady just crouched down and laid a few of his daisies on the ground, "Brandon has told me a lot about you, Angel…I'm Brady. I thought you might like these too and I'm a good sharer…I get that from my nephew…"

He shivered a little and I ran my hand threw his hair, "You cold?"

Smiling up at me through glossy eyes, he shrugged, "A little but I'm okay…"

"Hang on a sec, I'll be right back…"

It was only bout twenty feet to the truck so I let him stay there and talk a little more while I went and grabbed my old flannel. When I got back, he wiped his eyes as I held up it up, "Here, Brady, put this on…"

He slipped it on and smiled, "Thank you…"

And I didn't know what it was, but somethin' bout the way he looked in my old flannel underneath the dim moonlight caused my breath to catch and my heart to start beatin' harder and harder.

Laying his hand over my heart, he smiled up at me, "Take your time, honey, I'll wait in the truck…"

But I grabbed his hand and shook my head, "Stay with me…"

He nodded and stood there while I crouched down, running his little fingers through my hair as I talked to Angel.

"He's cool, huh?…I know you'd approve…So, I been thinkin' bout movin to Houston…I remember how you always wanted to move outta this town…I wouldn't be able to see you as often but…you always said you'd be in the stars so I guess I could just look up…you'd be happy for me, right? I think you would…you always said I needed to get away from this town so I could shine like the diamond I was…I really wanna shine for you, baby…"

That 'baby' just slipped out and I hoped Brady wouldn't be mad as I glanced up at him but he just smiled sweetly and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

Then he crouched down next to me and leaned his head on my shoulder, "Thank you, Angel…if you wouldn't have been brave enough to kiss him and see him for the diamond he is, I'm sure he wouldn't have so easily accepted me into his life…by the way, from one twink to another, you have excellent taste…I promise to look out for him as best I can…pretty soon, the whole world will be able to see how he shines…"

And when we were finally on the way home, I felt better than I'd ever felt my whole life.

I grabbed his bag and helped him out as he pulled the flannel tight and hugged his flowers closely. Once inside the house, I gave him a glass beer mug for his flowers since I didn't have a vase and he set them on the old wooden nightstand next to my bed.

"Um, I promised I'd call Carlisle and tell him we were back…"

I nodded as I leaned against the door frame and watched him.

His cheeks were red as he spoke into the phone, "Hey Big Daddy C, we're home…"

I really liked having him here…it felt like home, no matter what it looked like.

"Yes, we had a wonderful time…uh huh…uh huh…I know, I promise…ok, hang on…"

Handing the phone to me, I take a deep breath as I prepare to talk to the man that considers Brady his son…and I pray just a little that he ain't mad at me for the dirty, dirty things I'm bout to do to him…

"Uh, hello?"

""Hey son, just wanted to let you know that I found a doctor who can meet with you on Thursday at 4:30. Will that work for you?"

I wasn't expecting that and I stumbled over my words, "Oh, um…yeah, that's cool…"

"Good. Her name is Dr. Lorenzo and she came highly recommended so I think this will be good. We'll talk more about it tomorrow. Now, son, as a doctor I feel I must ask if you are aware of the importance of proper anal preparation…"

I feel all the blood leave my body and I have no idea how to answer that…but then I hear Edward in the background…

'Oh my God, Dad! You know that Jay already talked to him about that! Stop torturing him and give me the phone!'

Carlisle is laughing like a mad man as I hear some shuffling then Edward's voice, "Brandon, pay him no attention. He derives some sort of enjoyment from embarrassing the crap out of us…"

I hear Carlisle still laughing in the background, "I really do…"

Now I'm chuckling as I let out a breath, "Ya'll are messed up…it's kinda great…"

He laughs now, "Welcome to the family, Brandon…you're in therapy and have been subjected to my father's fascination with anal preparation…you're one of us now…"

And it feels kinda nice to be welcomed in as one of them…

"Thanks, Edward."

We talked just a minute more before he spoke with Brady again real quick. When he finally hung up the phone he was giggling as he shook his head, "My family is insane…"

After we settled in, we took a long shower together, not doin' anything but enjoying the feel of our bodies together under the hot water and talkin' a little more before it was time to go to bed…and watch porn.

Having thought about it all day, and just bein' all naked and wet in the shower with him, I was ready for this. I was sittin' up against the headboard, waitin for him to grab his laptop. I only had on a pair of boxers as I waited eagerly for him to return and when he did, I was instantly hard.

He smiled, "I hope you don't mind…I kind of like them…"

Over top his little red and white striped undies, he had on another one of my flannels, all unbuttoned and coming to his knees with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows...and fuck me runnin, he was wearin' his glasses…

I shook my head with a grin, "Fuck no I don't mind, it looks good on you."

Throwin' back the blanket, I nodded, "Get your sexy ass in here, boy…"

Giggling, he crawled up the bed and sat in between my legs with his back to my chest as he opened the laptop in front of us.

Then looking over his shoulder at me, he smiled, "Somebody's eager…"

I knew he could feel how hard I was against his back so I just smirked, "Your ass looks like a peppermint in those undies and I kinda wanna lick it…"

He just winked with a sassy smile, "Oooh, sounds kinky..."

I watched as he powered it up and soon there was a video up on the screen of two really hot boys…

"This is what we call twink porn…this is what I suspect, will be your favorite type of boy porn. The dark haired one is Kyros…the blonde is Dillon…"

I watched as the cute dark haired boy crawled on the other one's lap. They were both dressed as school boys and I felt all the blood rush to my dick as they started ripping each other's shirts open…

The more I watched, the more my dick throbbed and I began to think that I was gonna have to get me a computer real soon if it had shit like this on it. He went through video after video and I was completely amazed at how much these boys seemed to like it…I mean, most of them were hard while they were bein' fucked and even came…

Really, it didn't look like nothin' I couldn't handle…I ain't ever been good at much in my life but fortunately I did inherit the Whitlock legacy cuz I was really good at fuckin…we didn't have much else goin for us but there was always that…

My hands were on his thighs, pushin the flannel to the side so I could feel skin. His breathin picked up as I ran my fingers up and down them slowly, my dick beginning to leak through my boxers against his back.

Watchin' the twink porn was hot but it didn't compare to havin' my own sexy little twink right here…I mean, why watch, when I can do…

His skin was breakin' out in goosebumps as I leaned down to his neck and started kissin. Tilting his head to the side, I brushed his damp hair away with my nose and began nippin and suckin his smooth skin as he moaned breathlessly.

Arching his back, just made his ass move against my dick and he brought his hand back to tangle in my hair, I grunted as I moved one of my hands from his thighs to palm him through his underwear.

Now his other hand laid on top of mine and slid it up to the band of his undies before pushin' it underneath. Taking his dick in my hand, it still amazed me how much I liked this…I had never been so turned on before…and judging from the sticky head and the way he throbbed in my hand, I reckoned he hadn't been either…

Both of his hands reached behind him now, tangling around my neck and pulling my lips to his as he pushed up into my fist. His ass would rub up against me as he circled his hips up and it was drivin' me crazy. The way his glasses felt when they bumped my cheek and the way his little fingers twisted desperately in my hair drew out desires in me I never felt before.

And I was a little afraid that I'd lose control so I pulled away and rasped out, "You should probably get your laptop off the bed…"

He panted out a breathy, "Okay…"

And then he was leanin' over and shutting the laptop before he crawled right over my lap to put in on the nightstand…that little bubble butt was stickin' up in the air, all red and white lookin' like a target as my flannel falls loosely over his small shoulders.

I heard him giggle, he knew exactly what he was doin to me…

So the second he set his laptop down, I was on him. He gasped as I crawled up slowly over his body, my dick draggin' up his thigh as it poked outta my boxers, leavin' a sticky trail up over his ass. My knees were on the outside of his hips and I rubbed my dick against his ass…then putting my hands on either side of the bed, next to his, I leaned over him and whispered in his ear, "It's not polite to tease, Princess…"

Moaning, he pushed his ass back against me and whispered, "I'm a bad, bad princess, maybe you should spank me…"

That took me by surprise and I blurted out, "Holy shit, are you serious?"

Looking over his shoulder bashfully over top his glasses, he blushed, "Too much, too soon?"

And then I was grinnin' again like only he could make me grin.

"Fuck no, dirty boy…"

He giggled again until I buried my face into his neck and started nippin and suckin as I moved my dick hard against his cloth covered ass. His hair was still a little damp and it tickled my cheeks as I attacked his neck. Runnin' my hand down his backside, I raise it and give his left cheek a little smack.

It causes his back to arch as he pushes back against my hand on all fours…his fingertips are clenching the blanket beneath him while he moans a breathless, "Fuck yes, Brandon…"

And I can't help myself, as I grab the perfect little cheek roughly and squeeze with a little growl, "You like that, baby…"

I smack his ass again, a little harder this time and he howls out as his head flies back, "Yes!"

I've never spanked anyone before and I would've never thought it'd be do fuckin sexy. I wanted to make him scream like that again so I lifted up off him and eagerly dragged his underwear down his legs, revealing the perfect tan cheeks, slightly reddened and pushing back against the cool air, desperate and needy.

This boy had awakened dirty, dirty things in me and I was the needy one as I pulled down my boxers and laid back over him, lying my dick against his red ass, I nipped at his ear and whispered, "Tell me what you want, Princess?"

Raspy and frantic, he pushes back against me as he moans, "_You_, Brandon…I want _you_…please…_need _you…I have lube and condoms in my bag…"

A thrill ran through me at that thought, so I whispered in his ear, "Don't move…"

I was quick to hop off the bed and grab the stuff from his bag before just standin' there a minute and watchin' him…

That perfect little ass was stuck up in the air, partly covered by my old flannel still hangin' loosely over his shoulders as he looked up at me through messy, black hair and dark glasses…his dick was hangin' between his legs, thick and pulsing…

My dick was standin' up, hard and heavy as I pumped it in my hand a few times and took a mental picture of how he looked on my bed in the moonlight so I could draw it later…

Steppin' forward, he rose on his hands and smirked as he crawled slowly towards me.

I couldn't move, the boy looked like he was stalkin' me like prey and I wanted to be caught.

Sittin back on his knees at the edge of the bed, he looked up at me over top of his glasses as his little hand reached out, sliding silky fingers slowly along my dick and whispering, "Can I suck it?"

In a lust filled daze, I stared at this sweet little thing through lidded eyes as I threaded my fingers through his hair and brought his mouth to my dick.

Grunting as he swirled the tongue around the ridge before takin me down his throat, I groaned, "Fuck, Brady…you're a perfect little cocksucker, Princess…"

He moaned around my dick and the vibrations shot through me like lightening as his head bobbed up and down, his little throat so tight as he took as much of me as he could.

It was torture not to move my hips but I didn't wanna gag him too much…unless he was into that sorta thing cuz that would be totally cool with me…

But I did tighten my fingers in his hair a little and start movin' his head in circles around my dick as my head fell back and I moaned, "Fuck yeah…just like that…you suck it so good, baby…gonna make me cum…ya want me to cum down your throat, Princess?"

Moaning around my cock, his little head nodded in anticipation and I couldn't take much more. I had been on edge all fuckin day and I really needed this…

Tuggin on his hair just a little, I whimpered, "Look at me…please, Brady…"

His eyes snapped up to mine as he just sucked on the swollen head, and it was such a fuckin' amazing sight…his innocent, wide cocoa eyes starin' in mine as his tongue lapped out of his open mouth to lick and swirl around the tip as I began cumming…

I struggled to stay on my feet as ecstasy over took me…unable to even form words as my body jerked and filled that sweet little mouth.

His pink tongue and lips were covered in white ribbons as it dripped down the corner of his mouth, sliding down his chin before he finally reached up and wiped it with the too-long sleeve of my flannel.

I had to wonder how any boy in their right mind couldn't see how completely killer this boy was…I mean, as far as I was concerned, them boys in the porn movies could learn a few things from my boy…

And as if he wasn't sexy enough…his wide eyes never left mine as he leaned slowly back on his elbows. My flannel laid out beneath him and hangin' off one shoulder as his little tummy heaved and his dick jutted straight up from his body. He spread his legs open wide and trailed his hand down his body as he whispered, "Come here…"

I had to deliberately slow myself down so that I wouldn't hurt him. Tossing the lube and strip of condoms on the bed next to him, I slowly crawled over him and settled between his legs. His arms wrapped around my neck, pulling my lips to his and I could taste myself on his tongue. My hands tangled in his hair as I pressed my naked body against his, holding his mouth to mine for fear that if I spoke again I'd say something stupid like 'fuck I love you…don't care that it's only been a few days…love you anyway…you're mine…let another man touch you and I'll fuckin kill him…'

No, I sure as hell didn't wanna say those things and scare him away…but it didn't make them any less true…he was mine whether he knew it or not…

My dick was already twitchin' again, never having fully went limp after I came but I knew I had to prepare him first. So I wrapped my arms around his waist as his legs tightened around mine, and I raised up, bringing him with me as his fingers clenched my hair tight at the nape of my neck. He moaned long and deep into my mouth as I sat back and he straddled me.

Never breakin the kiss, I felt around for the lube and when I finally found it, I was quick to pop the top and pour a little on my hands. Then I took him in my wet hand and stroked firmly as my other hand trailed down the crack of that perfect ass.

Throwing his head back, eyes clenched shut, he cried out, "Ugh! Touch me, Brandon…get me ready…need to feel you inside me…"

His fingers clenched at my shoulder as he thrusts up into my hand and my slick finger gently pushes inside his tight hole. And I watched, enraptured as he fucks himself by pushing back onto my finger and then thrusting up into my hand.

He rasps out, "Add another…fuck me with your fingers, Brandon…"

He's obviously the one in control here so I do what he says and he hisses as he pushes back onto two fingers. I remember what Jay said about the magical prostate gland bein' bout three or four inches inside the ass, so I curl my fingers and after a few tries, his fingers claw at my shoulders as he screams out, "Ugh! Yes! More! Brandon, please…please, baby…"

And I'm shuddering at his desperate cries and the way his short fingernails dig into my shoulders and back, as he fucks himself erratically on my fingers and into my hand. Adding a third finger, he growls out a raspy, "Fuck yeah, baby…get my ass ready for that big cock…wanna feel you inside me…want you to fuck me…_need _you to fuck me, Brandon…"

But I gotta make sure he cums first, just in case I can't make him cum by fuckin' him…

I'm hard as hell again and throbbin' so bad it hurts as I begin scissoring my fingers like Jay said to stretch him out. His asshole is so fuckin tight around my fingers that I damn near cum just from thinking bout how it's gonna feel stretched around my dick.

His hands are clenched in my hair again as he grunts, "Gonna c-cum…"

And I whimper as he yanks my head back and plunges his tongue down my throat as he growls and pulses in my hand. I can feel the warm wetness coat my hand and run down my knuckles as his ass clenches around my fingers so tight that my dick is bouncin' against my stomach in anticipation.

Once he's come down, he pulls away from my mouth, shaking and covered in a light sheen of sweat from the intensity of his orgasm…and he blushes as he looks down, "Sorry about how loud I was…I've never felt anything like that before…"

I wonder how it's even possible for someone to be so god damn sexy and so fuckin' innocent and sweet at the same time.

Grabbing the corner of the sheet, I wipe off my hand and the mess between us. My voice is shaky and desperate as I twist my fingers into his hair and look into his pretty brown eyes, "I want you to scream so god damn loud that Eddie can hear it from across town and he texts you to tell you to shut the fuck up…can you do that…can you be a good boy, baby…"

His breathing is still shallow as he breaks into a beautiful grin before leaning forward and kissing my lips with a mumbled, "Mmm…whatever you say, Daddy…"

_Oh my fucking God…must fuck this boy now…_

While he kisses me, I grab the strip of condoms and tear one off quickly. My hands are shaking as I roll it down and I can barely control myself enough to pop the top on the lube, but eventually I get it and soon I'm slicked up and more fuckin ready than I've ever been in my whole life.

I wipe my hand off on the bed again, before grabbin his hips and positioning him with his ass above my dick.

Holding my dick with one hand against his pretty pink love hole, I hold his hip with the other and I rasp out, "Bear down so you open yourself up for me as it goes in…you're in control so I won't move till you tell me too…"

His chest is heaving and his whole body is shaking so I whisper, "Hey, look at me, Brady…"

Wide brown eyes snap to mine, "We don't have to do this if you don't want to…I swear I won't be mad, baby…are you sure you're ready?"

He takes a deep breath as his pink tongue slips out to wet his lips and he nods, "I want this…I want you…I'm ready…"

I hold his hip and slowly pump his dick while I focus on staying still as he pushes down. Then the head of my dick is surrounded by the tightest, hottest thing it's ever felt…my eyes close as the air leaves my chest and he gasps his fingers claw my shoulders.

The further he sinks, the further I slip into bliss until my mind is consumed with nothing but the way he feels wrapped tight around me, the gasps and grunts that fall from his pretty lips, and the way he quivers as my hand slides from his hip to his back, gently rubbing up and down to calm him.

Once I feel his ass against my thighs, I'm floating but a small sob quickly brings me back to reality. My eyes snap open to see a few tears streamin down his cheeks and I know I gotta make him feel good and I gotta do it fast. I remembered Jay tellin' me that his first time had been really painful until Eddie found his magic spot and then it was like Heaven…

I had found it with my fingers so I was sure I could find it with my dick.

Wrappin' my arms around him, I support his body as I lay him back on the bed and whisper, "I'm gonna make you feel good, Brady…I swear, ya just gotta trust me a little longer, okay?"

He held onto me tight as he buried his face in my shoulder and whimpered with a quick nod. I put my elbows on the sides of his face as I wiped the tears from under his eyes before takin' his mouth as I pulled out and pushed back in.

I swallowed his cries as I tried another angle…and on the third one, he broke from the kiss with a loud, "Ugh fuck, yes, right there!"

His fingers were grippin my biceps now as I smiled through heavy pants, "Feel good?"

He broke into a beautiful grin as I slowly rolled my hips, slidin' against his magic spot each time, and he moaned, soft and breathless, "So good…so fucking good…don't stop…"

I was giddy, high as hell from the way his body felt wrapped around me and from that blissful look on his pretty little face.

So I chuckled and rasped out, "I won't stop if you call me Daddy again…"

He laughed as he smacked my chest, but he obliged me, "Don't stop, Daddy…don't stop…"

I chuckled again as I leaned down and took his lips to mine, kissin him soft and deep, just like I was fuckin' him…and after a few minutes, I felt his dick twitchin against my stomach.

So I reached between us and stroked him a few times till he was hard again. He broke from the kiss and moaned as his back arched, "Fuck me harder, baby…please…please…"

And fuck I was ready to drill this boy senseless so I whispered, "You sure you want it harder?"

"Yes…please…please, Brandon…"

So I was more than happy to give him what he wanted…

Wrapping my arms around his back and bracing his ass, I sat back on my knees and brought him with me. He gasped as I held him easily while bringin him down on my dick as I pushed up. Bouncin' on my lap, he held onto my neck as I just fucked him good and hard from underneath.

All he could really do was hang on as he cried out with each thrust, "Fuck yeah daddy just like that! Fuck…fuck…fuck, ugh…harder, daddy…yes! Yes!"

My whole body was on fire as I laid back, bringin my knees up behind him as I bounced him on my dick. There had never been nothin as hot and as tight as him and I figured that whoever made his little body, made it just for me cuz he fit just right.

And I could fuck Brady forever if it made him act like this…

He was leanin' against my knees as he bounced, one hand fistin' his pretty dick while the other tangled in his hair. Eyes closed, head thrown back, sweaty black hair a mess as it falls all over his face, and that pretty pink mouth hung open in a silent scream…

But then my fingertips grip his hips as I feel him clenching around me while ribbons of warm cum shoot across my stomach and chest. I fuck him through his orgasm cuz, well honestly cuz there's no way in hell I can stop now and as soon as he collapses against my chest, I roll us over so he's trapped underneath me. His body is shaking as he holds on, and I attack his neck while I drill him hard, seekin' my own orgasm cuz I'm so god damn close…

All I hear are soft grunts and the sound of our bodies coming together over and over again…

Until he screams out as his back arches, "Oh fuck, Brandon…god damn so mother fucking good…Ugh…fuck I love…"

And my body clenches as I start cumming hard before he even finishes…

"…the way you feel…"

And then my heart clenches just a little but it feels much too good to cum inside him so I ignore it for now.

Eventually, I'm completely spent and I carefully pull out as I roll over on my back and just start chuckling like a giddy fool, "Oh my God, Brady…that was…fuckin amazing…"

He giggles as he curls up to my side, "I know…better than I…ever thought it…could be…let's lay here awhile…revel in our awesomeness…"

We both chuckle breathlessly like blissed out idiots as we lay there for awhile and do just that. Eventually though, I move to get outta bed and he whimpers, "Where are you going?"

I smile, "I'm gonna throw the condom away and get somethin' to wipe us up with…"

He smiles and whispers, "Hurry back…"

So I do, and before long, we're cuddled back in bed, wrapped around each other as we drift off to sleep.

I don't recall a time in my whole life when I ever slept so well…


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay, I've been super busy (the story of my life, lol) **

**I did post a little Halloween o/s featuring Brady, Brandon, and my other boys from Mythological Creatures, Mase and Major. There's a bit of a spoiler in there since it's a future take but if you're interested, it's on my profile. It's called The Dream About Falling for Mythological Creatures…there's also an homage to Philomina's story The Neighbor From Down The Hall in it so I hope you enjoy.**

**But now, back to the boys at hand…**

**Monster by Lady Gaga**

**Brady's POV**

The sound of bass thumping and yelling from outside the second story window woke me up. It was still dark outside as I found myself pulling from his embrace and stumbling to the window. A glance at the clock told me it was 3:48am but a look outside and the neighborhood was already up and raring to go…or perhaps they hadn't been to bed yet. Either way, I wondered how Brandon could sleep through this so easily but then my thoughts caught up with my sleep deprived brain as I remembered he was in prison for such a long time.

Chaos was nothing new to him.

Pulling my eyes away from the boys fighting in the street, I looked over at him sleeping peacefully with a small smile on his face and I sigh dreamily because I'm the one that put it there.

Brandon was a man that was mired deep in the dredge and sludge of circumstance and environment but amazingly, I was able to make him feel good.

The entire night had been perfect. I would be sure it was a dream if I didn't feel a blissful ache in my bottom. Though, my dreams had never even been as good as this reality. Brandon was more perfect than even my dreams would allow.

Carefully, I slipped back under the covers and close to him. While he was sleeping soundly, I could finally take the opportunity to really look at him. I could stare at his face for days but I realize that would probably make him uncomfortable. But now…

Smiling, I gently pushed the long strands of pale blonde hair behind his ear so that I could see his face better. It was beautiful and all the little nicks and scars only made it more so…

It was easy to see the warrior in this face but I wondered how many people got to see the goofy dimpled smile and how his eyes crinkle when he laughs…

I was used to being surrounded by beautiful boys but Brandon was different. I knew that Jay and Jeremiah had things hard growing up but even the things they went through seemed small compared to the heartache that he has seen. Being with him certainly made my own problems seem small and insignificant. This was all that mattered.

Him.

Helping him.

My thoughts turned back to our date and the tattoo parlor. I couldn't help but smile as I thought of how happy he looked at the new opportunity just out there on the horizon, waiting for him to snatch it.

Getting him out of Mission was the first and biggest part of my plan in saving Brandon from himself. I had to get him out of this town and the urgency was great considering we were leaving in five days. He was fighting too many demons here…they all did.

I understood, to an extent, the way they felt being judged before they even knew what they were doing just because of the name they bore…I was always judged too but not because of my name…because of the way I talked and looked and acted…just like them, I was judged before I even knew what I was being judged for.

Of course, we dealt with it in different ways…me and my sharp tongue or mask of indifference…them with their fists and mask of fearlessness…

But I wasn't indifferent and I was hurt…just like I know that Jay, Jeremiah and Brandon all were scared half to death of this town and the damage it could do to them. They hid it well though.

So, I had to help him get a job because that was the only way he would move from this God forsaken town. And if I was going to try and get him a job, I might as well try to get him a job doing something he's extremely talented at and that I think he'd really like to do.

It seems he's settled his whole life, never really believing that good things can happen to him so never really trying. I don't believe in God but I do believe in karma and I think that if you put out good vibes, you'll get them back eventually. It was time to show him that he could have everything he wanted in life…that everyone in this town was wrong about him…about all of them.

I knew that Brandon wanted to change his life…he just didn't know how.

So I was going to show him options and hopefully he'd choose the right ones. Because I whole heartedly believed that, if given options, he would choose to do right.

But I had to be careful with my emotions because as much as I loved him…and I did, I even almost let it slip tonight…but as much as I did love him, I had a tendency to go overboard and I didn't want to scare him away.

There's a difference though between being in love with someone and simply loving them. I hadn't known him long enough to be truly in love with him, even if I was totally in love with the idea of him…but I did love him. He was part of our family now and that love was almost instantaneous.

Even if he wasn't 'a little gay', I would still love him and want to help him have a better chance at happiness.

I chuckled at that thought.

After last night, I suppose he realized he's more than a little gay. It really shocked me how fast we were moving and how easily he had been in accepting me and us…but I figure that it has a lot to do with our time restraints. Angel had described his as a comet and I could see that in him…a fast moving, hot burning force that was squelched down by the shell shock of prison and restraint. If I could get those shackles off and point him in the right direction before he flew through the night…maybe that was all he needed

I just hoped he wouldn't struggle with it once we were gone…I hoped he remembered how it felt to be with me…how right…how perfect…

And we were just right together…

Closing my eyes, memories of our love making played behind my eyelids like old home movies…

Brandon was the first real man to ever touch me…Joshua was a silly boy that played childish pranks…not even a blip on my radar scale anymore…I was certain that when I was old and gray and thought back fondly on my first time…I would be remembering last night.

Joshua had made me doubt myself…made me feel like I couldn't be sexy or desired…that I was nothing but a joke…but Brandon desired me…how could I not feel sexy when someone like him wants me…the joke was on Joshua because I was sexy and fierce and fantastic in bed…it just took a real man to see my awesomeness.

_Fuck Joshua…he was a tool and I swear, from this day forward…he will never cloud my thoughts again because he's just not worth it…_

My thoughts would stay on the way Brandon's big strong fingers felt on my hips and the scratchy scruff of his chin on my neck as he pushed himself inside me so deep…

And then the pain transformed into a primal pleasure that I've heard of but had never experienced…

The way he felt inside me, stretching me, burning me…it was intense and mind boggling and oh so real…the way he took control and although gentle, he didn't treat me like I was a fragile girl…he treated me like a man, strong and sure of his movements even if he had never been with a man before…he was confident in his pleasure giving abilities and he had every reason to be…

The boy was a beast…

It wasn't just his gorgeous, thick, cock or the strength behind the snap of his hips as he pushed hard into me…it wasn't just the calloused fingers tugging on my hair or the scratch of his scruffy chin against my cheek…it was the low growl that rumbled deep from his throat and the snarl on his pretty pink lips as he spat filthy curse words in my ear with each thrust.

It's with those memories playing in my mind that I drift off back to sleep.

The next time I wake, it's to birds chirping and the sunlight flooding into the bare white room, blinding me even with closed lids. I reach out and wrap my arm around him…though he doesn't feel quite as big…

And then my hands are on two boobs and still half asleep, I squeeze them because I'm trying to see if it's Suzie…but then I hear her snort, "You ain't dreamin' we're married again, are ya darlin?"

My eyes snap open to see her looking over her shoulder, smirking at me…probably because I haven't let go of her boobs yet.

I finally let go and start rubbing my eyes as I groan, "Where's Brandon? Was I dreaming again?"

_NO! It wasn't a dream! It was real…_

She giggled as she handed me my glasses and a folded piece of paper, "He called me this mornin, said you was sleepin' so good and wouldn't wake up so me and Jeremiah came over so you could just sleep awhile. He didn't wanna leave you by yourself in this neighborhood and didn't want ya to wake up to an empty house."

I slipped on my glasses and sat up, smiling like the Cheshire cat as I saw the note. On the front there was a rainbow, drawn in colored pencil with a big, beautiful, smiling, yellow sun in front…at the bottom, his messy scrawl said, 'Mornin Sunshine'.

My heart swelled as I opened it and read his words…

_Sorry to bail without wakin you up. Guess I really put that ass to sleep…_

_My key is on the dresser, if you leave just take it and I'll call you as soon as I get off work._

_Have a good day - B_

_PS. That college boy was stupid…you're the best lay I ever had._

Grinning, I clutched the note to my chest and resisted doing a happy dance. It wasn't a romantic love letter or swoon worthy poetry…it was so much better than that.

One of the reasons I liked Brandon so much was because of his gruffness and how he was so completely opposite of me. This note was perfect for three reasons: the cover with the rainbow, smiling sun, and the missing 'N' from morning…the fact that he left me the key to his place…and that he said I was the best lay he ever had…

Me, Brady Seneca, was the best lay that Brandon Whitlock, sex God extraordinaire, has ever had.

_Fuck it, I'm dancing…_

I let out a squeal as I jump up to my feet and do a little happy dance on his bed with Suzie laughing her ass off.

Jumping from the bed, I dance around to Suzie's side and yank her up to dance with me…which she does unashamedly…just one of the many things I love about her.

She laughs as we dance around in our underwear, "I take it, ya had a good night…"

Shaking my ass to Lady Gaga singing 'that boy is a monster' in my head, I smile at her, "Yes, it was amazing…I'm the best he's ever had…Joshua was a dumb ass, sex is super awesome and I'm fabulous at it…"

Whipping her hair around, she grins at me, "Well, sugar plum, I think that deserves the runnin man…"

Now I'm laughing my ass off as she breaks into the classic running man and I bust out my own 80's awesomeness and do the running man with her.

And it's moments like these that I'm so happy to have her…there's a lot to be said for having a bestie that you can act like a total retard with and it's cool.

Eventually, I bust into a fit of giggles and she bends over, putting her hands on her knees and gasping, "Dang, it's too early…need my coffee…"

Dancing to my bag, I reach down and grab it before dancing out the door, "I'm going to take a quick shower…today's a busy day with lots to do before Brandon gets home…"

I resist the urge to use his Pert Plus because even though I love the smell of his hair, my shampoo makes my hair shine like diamonds.

It doesn't take me too long to get showered and dressed before I'm bouncing down the steps with Brandon's house key tucked firmly in my pocket. The smell of French toast from the kitchen led me to Jeremiah. He smiled as he flipped the toast, "Mornin!"

"Good morning, Jeremiah? Mmm…smells good but I'm surprised Brandon had the stuff to make French toast. His fridge was barren yesterday…"

He shrugged as he opened the fully stocked fridge and pulled out the milk, "Yeah, all he had was pizza rolls and hot sauce so I went to the store. I stocked this shit up so I'm expectin' you to teach him a thing or two in the kitchen…"

My mouth dropped open as I looked up at him, "But I can't cook like you…"

Sighing, he looked down at me, "Yeah, but you know how to make simple shit…you can cook for yourself if you have to…so teach him…he might eat better if he can fend for himself…"

It was so cute the way Jeremiah worried for his older cousin. Smiling up at him, I nodded, "Of course, I can do that, Jeremiah…"

He nodded back and offered me a small nod and then a blinding dimpled grin, "So, how was your night, pretty boy?"

I could feel my cheeks heating up as I grinned, "Good. How about yours?"

Cracking a few eggs into a bowl, he chuckled, "Awesome, I totally tapped that ass…"

Giggling, I looked up at him and shrugged, "Yeah, Brandon totally tapped mine too…"

He held out his fist and grinned, "Yeah? Give me some…"

I did and he laughed, "I take it, it was better the second time around, huh…"

Resisting the urge to bust out in the running man, I just smiled, "He's the OWC…Original WhitCock…"

Now he feigned hurt as his mouth dropped open, "Are you questionin' my manhood? I will drop my drawers right now…"

Alice walked into the kitchen and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "Good morning, sweetie…"

Jeremiah really laid it on thick now as he looked down at her, "What the hell, woman? Where's my kiss? I'm standin' here, slavin' over a hot stove, my manhood bein' questioned and he gets a kiss 'fore I do?"

She knows when he's just fooling around so she rolls her eyes and smiles sweetly, "Can I have a kiss, please, you big stud of a feral man?"

He beamed and mumbled, "That's better," and then leaned down to kiss her lips as they both chuckled.

Then he went back to cooking and she smiled, "So what are you boys talking about?"

Jeremiah flips some more French toast and deadpans, "My dick…"

I poured myself a cup of coffee and smiled, "It's a typical morning…"

We joked around a little longer and I watched Go Diego with JJ until breakfast was done. Since there wasn't a kitchen table, we just sat on the couch and floor while we ate and talked about our upcoming day. Jeremiah apparently had a meeting with Candace in an hour back at the hotel. I needed to go shopping but there's no way I could go until after that meeting, even though he said it was okay.

But Jeremiah needed us with him, especially his sister, so shopping would have to wait. He wanted Carlisle and Esme there too, since he wouldn't be as tempted to do something profane with them there. They could keep him calmed down in case things took a turn for the worse.

My good mood was pushed to the backburner as we walked into the hotel room to find that everyone was nervous about Candace coming. Someone was attempting to break into our little circle and that wasn't cool. JJ was one of ours and we didn't like an outsider trying to get close to him.

But it was his biological mother so Jeremiah felt compelled to at least give her a chance, though he was clearly unhappy about it.

His face was stone as she walked in and all of us tensed. I grabbed Suzie's arm next to me on the couch to keep her from jumping up and attacking. She hated Candace with a passion because she had seen her brother cry too many times for her…there was no way she could handle JJ crying because of her too.

Obviously, the little ones sensed our uneasiness because Em J took off running to his mom, yelling, "Dat stwanger danger…"

Rosalie chuckled as she picked him up and cuddled him to her chest, making sure to say loud and clear, "It's okay, sweetheart, mommy's here…I'll never leave, you're always safe with me…"

Candace gave her a quick glare which Rosalie gladly returned. Rose was very protective of JJ and Jeremiah both. Jeremiah turned to her a lot in the beginning for help and advice about raising JJ. She felt like a surrogate mom to him, and she respected Jeremiah so much for being man enough to ask for help but ultimately, raising his son himself.

JJ was standing behind his daddy's legs, peeking out and tugging on his shirt to get his attention. Then he pointed at Candace and asked, "Daddy, who dat?"

Jeremiah picked him up and sighed, "JJ…this is your mother…"

He wouldn't call her his mama…

But JJ's eyes got wide as he started panicking and reaching for Alice, "No, daddy! No! Dat not mama!"

Alice took him and tried to calm him down but he was officially freaking out. Tears streamed down his face as Candace and Jeremiah both tried to talk to him. He just kept shaking his head and yelling out 'no' until he finally squirmed his way down to the ground and took off running for Rosalie, Em J, and Em. She held them both as Emmett rubbed his little head, "Shhh, buddy, it's okay…you know we're not gonna let nothing happen to you…"

He cried and I placed my hand on Esme's knee to stop it from shaking excessively. Carlisle had his hand on her shoulder because we both knew it was taking every bit of strength she had not to pounce on Candace and throw her the hell out.

Candace was starting to get upset as she spat out, "Why's he so afraid of me? What the hell have you done to him?"

Jeremiah turned and sneered down at her but spoke softly, "He doesn't know you. Do you want me to throw your ass out? If you wanna see him, step back and shut the hell up…I got this…"

Her mouth dropped open but she backed off and sulked while he turned and took a deep breath before walking over and kneeling in front of JJ. JJ buried his head in Rosie's boobs and Jeremiah sighed, "Son? C'mon, little man, I'm talkin to ya…"

JJ sniffled and raised his head. Taking another breath, Jeremiah looked at his son and smiled softly, "Do you think I'd ever let anythin' happen to you?"

His puffy pink lip stuck out as he shook his head, "No, daddy…"

Jeremiah reached out his hand and nodded his head, "That's right. I know you're scared but ain't none of us leavin you alone…so come on now, you're a Whitlock…we might get scared sometimes, but we don't run and we don't hide…daddy's gonna be right here with ya, okay?"

He sniffled again and glanced at Candace, before pulling away from Rosie and taking his daddy's hand. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and looked up at his daddy, "Okay, daddy."

Jeremiah beamed proudly, "Now walk on over there like a man and say hello, son…"

And JJ did. He held his head high and walked over to where Candace was now kneeling to be eye level. Then he held up his fist for her to bump and smiled, "What up, woman?"

She broke out into happy tears as she bumped his fist and smiled back, "I can't believe what a little man you are already…you was so little the last time I seen you…you could barely say two words back then…"

The tension eased up a bit as they sat and played for a few minutes while the rest of us, dispersed just a little to give them some time. By disperse, I mean we went to the balcony so Jay could smoke and Esme, Alice, and Rose stayed in the kitchen, close enough to hear every word spoken.

Things seemed to be going well between them and about an hour later, she said she had to leave. She promised to call and see him again but not before she asked to speak with Jeremiah privately in the hall.

Alice was pacing frantically, cursing that she was too short to see out the peephole at them. We all tried to calm her down, but in the end, the only one that could was Rosalie. I noticed that she was becoming like a mother hen to us as she held onto Alice, telling her to breathe. Alice cuddled into her boobs and I wondered if Rosie's boobs had magical healing powers because it seemed to be the place to go for comfort.

A few minutes later, Jeremiah came back in with a pensive look on his face as he came over to Alice and asked if they could talk alone. I could practically feel her heart stop as she went even paler and nodded as they went into one of the bedrooms.

Suzie was fuming as she drug me out to the patio to whisper scream, "Oh my God! What is he doin? If he breaks up with Alice to go back to Candace, I swear, I'm gonna kick her ass and bitch smack him! What the hell?"

Jay took a drag from his cigarette and slowly exhaled, "He better not fuckin hurt her…"

Eddie tried to be the calm voice of reason, "Jeremiah adores Alice…they'll work through whatever bump this may or may not be…they're friends before anything…have faith in that…"

I didn't know what to think but I was worried. Alice had bouts of depression sometimes and this would surely throw her into one. I knew that she was bipolar and suffered from manic depression before we ever started living together. Rosalie had finally talked her into going to Carlisle for help when she lived with them last year. When Alice was up, she was really up…talking a hundred miles a minute and so happy that it was infectious…but when she was down, she was really down…you couldn't get her out of bed to eat or anything…

I really hoped that Jeremiah didn't break her heart.

But then a half hour later, he stepped out on the patio and bummed a cigarette from Jay, his hair was a mess and he was obviously flushed as he grinned, "Don't worry ya'll…we had a great talk…twice in twenty minutes, as a matter of fact…"

_Oh thank goodness they were just screwing…_

Jay was the one to ask, "So what happened with Candace?"

Jeremiah took a drag and shrugged, "She wanted me back…wanted to try and work shit out but I've been down that road a hundred times, man…Candace and me just don't work…too much history maybe but we just know how to push each other's buttons and we bring out the worst in one another…I'll do my best to respect her as JJ's mom but me and her are done…I got a good thing goin' and I don't intend on fuckin it up…she's my past…Alice is my future…"

Suzie threw her arms around him and whispered, "I'm so proud of you, bubby…I know that was hard…"

Apparently they had a fantastic talk because Alice was in the shower when the girls and I went to talk to her. She walked out with a towel wrapped around her to us sitting on the bed waiting patiently. Her face gave her away as she blushed deeply and grinned, "He told me he's in love with me…that he realized when he told JJ not to run and hide, that he needed to 'man up' and just tell me how he felt so that it was absolutely clear that I was the one he wanted …"

I sighed dreamily, "Wow, who knew that Jeremiah could be so romantic…"

Suzie hit me with a pillow and laughed, "You know I'm givin him shit about this later, right? Sweet, sappy bastard…"

Rosalie just folded her arms and smirked, "So then what happened?"

Alice raised an eyebrow and smirked back, "I attacked him…and then he attacked me back…now Brady turn your head, I know how much vaginas freak you out…"

It was true, they did…they reminded me of clams and they freaked me out too.

So I turned and smiled as she got dressed, "We want deets, woman…"

Suzie cringed and jumped up, "This sucks! All of ya'll 'cept Rose is datin' my family! I want dirty details but that just grosses me out…"

Alice laughed, "Okay, okay, I won't mention specific body parts and you can just cover your ears if it's too much…"

Suzie rolled her eyes and plopped down next to me…I hit her with a pillow and she used it to cover her head.

Alice giggled as she started spilling all the dirty details of her quickie with Jeremiah. And this was just one of the reason I loved to hang out with the girls. In all honesty, they were way dirtier than the boys. I mean, when I hung out with the guys they'd say things like, 'I totally hit that ass,' or, 'man, he/she can suck a dick'…but with the girls I got things like…

"So, I just grabbed him and kissed him hard, then he picked me up and pushed me against the wall. It was all frantic and desperate…he reached under my skirt and tore my panties off while I used my feet to push his jeans down over his ass till they fell to his knees…he took me hard and fast against the wall and after we both came the first time, we slowed down and he laid me on the bed…we lost the rest of our clothes and he took me again…God, the man is a monster…I swear, those Whitlock boys were bred to fuck…speaking of which…"

Alice plopped down next to me on the bed now, dressed and grinning up at me, "I want deets on the eldest Whitcock's skills and I want to know how your date went last night…"

Of course, I was more than happy to provide them with thorough details. I told them about how sweet he was, holding my hand all night, unashamed…and how he kept asking me questions in the museum, honestly interested in everything I said…about how he offered to take me somewhere 'fancy' but I knew he didn't have a lot of money so I suggested burgers instead, and that was totally cool with me anyway…I told them about the flowers but didn't share our time with Angel because they didn't know about him and it wasn't my place to tell…but I did give them the dirty details of everything that happened after.

Rosalie laughed and held out her fist, "Give it up for the big boys…"

I gladly bumped her fist back and smiled, "He's a beast…I mean, seriously…how the hell is this real? Stuff like this doesn't happen to me…"

Alice smiled softly, "You're deserve some happiness, Brady, and you deserve to have some fun and be treated right for a change…he's the lucky one…"

Suzie finally came out from under the pillow and laid her head on my thigh. She smiled up at me, "He really is the lucky one, darlin…that boy has seen nothin' but ugliness his whole life…now he gets to see how beautiful it can be cuz he's lookin at it through you…"

I sat up and got focused again, "I'm glad you feel that way because I've got lots to do today to help get Brandon on the right path, ya know, for when we leave…"

Suzie sat up now and furrowed her brows, "On the right path? What are you talkin bout, Brady?"

Taking a deep breath, I just told her the truth, "Brandon is wonderful but this town, his past…it's killing him. He's alone and I've seen the way people here treat him…all of you…he has to get out of this town before something bad happens. Someone will cross a line with him and he'll go too far…I just know it…"

The fear of watching him hold that knife to that boy's wrist rushed through me and I couldn't sit still. Jumping to my feet, I began pacing, "He needs to move from this town…I've done some research and I think Houston is the best place…it's a big city, lots of things to keep him distracted, relatively gay-friendly, and no one knows him there…but the only way to get him there is to get him a job. He can't move until he has one because of his parole. It would probably be easier to help him find a job in construction or something but I figured that if I was going to help him, it should be for something he really likes…so I did some research on tattoo parlors in Houston and found several close to the art museum but only one that was owned by a woman. I know it's stupid but I just thought that maybe a woman would be more compassionate, ya know? And it worked…I can't believe it actually worked…but now I've got to help him get this job. I have to make a kick-ass portfolio for him and I just have this feeling that most of his drawings are probably on notebook paper or something crazy like that so I have to get good sketching paper and supplies…"

Suzie jumped up and grabbed my arms, stopping me from pacing as she smiled down, "Give me twenty minutes to take a shower and we'll go shoppin…"

Now Rosalie stood, "And those guys at that tattoo place gave him a kit…maybe one of the boys knows what he would need to start using that…"

Alice laughed, "And you know that Jeremiah and Jay would let Brandon tattoo them and if he's good, maybe Eddie can take some photos for his portfolio…"

This is why I loved them…

A half hour later, we were all on our way to the city for the supplies I needed. Luckily, Jeremiah knew what kind of needles, inks, and things Brandon would need for the gun so he and Emmett took care of that while Eddie, Jay and I handled the art supplies.

Alice, Rose, and Suzie went shopping for clothes for him. I gave them specific instructions to get clothes that he'd be comfortable in…nothing too fancy or flashy because that would make him feel weird and I wanted him to have all the confidence in the world when he walked in for that job.

For Brandon's collection, I wanted to go with something simple but fierce and found the perfect black leather portfolio edged in vibrant red stitching. And just to make it a little more special, I opted to have his initials, BW, stitched into the bottom right hand corner.

That was going to take a couple hours though so we all stopped and had lunch while we waited. I enjoyed spending time with my friends but by the time we had everything and were on our way back to Brandon's, I was anxious to see him.

So when my phone rang and I saw that it was him, I had to take a breath to calm myself before I answered.

"Hey Brandon…"

"Hey Brady, how's your day goin?"

I smiled even if he couldn't see me, "Good, I've been hanging out with the gang shopping…"

"Cool, so um…do ya'll just wanna meet me back at my place? I should be there in bout half an hour…"

"Yeah, we should be there in about fifteen minutes or so…"

"Ok, well you got the key so ya'll just make yourselves at home and I'll see ya soon…"

"Okay, see you soon, Brandon…"

We hung up and I directed Jay to go ahead and take us to Brandon's house. Once we got there, I let them in so we could unload everything we had bought. I took the clothes the girls got for him and hung them up in his closet and put his new boots at the bottom. They had done a good job. They kept it simple with jeans but these were nicer and would fit him better instead of practically falling off of him. They also got him a few nice flannels and t-shirts and even a couple of button downs. These would all fit him perfectly and I'd be thankful to see that killer body of his in clothes that fit right.

After putting everything away, we convened on the front porch to wait for him while the kids played in the yard and Jay smoked a cigarette.

But the sound of thumping bass interrupted us as a long, brown Buick pulled to the curb in front of the house. There were some guys in it though I couldn't see how many until they began to step out. There were five total and my heartbeat skipped when Jeremiah told Alice and Rosalie to take the kids inside the house.

One of the boys, tall and ugly with several missing teeth, sneered with a sick smile, "Well, well, well…I'll be damned if it ain't the big, bad Whitlocks…I heard you boys was back in town but I didn't think a couple faggots like you would be so brave seemin' ya ran away from here so fast…"

Jay jumped off the porch, flicking his cigarette to the ground as he growled, "I ain't runnin from shit, mother fucker…"

But Jeremiah put up his arm to stop him, "Fuck these snaggle toothed bitches, Jay…it ain't worth it…"

Jay stopped and Em and Edward were by his side now as one of the guys snickered, "Here pussy, pussy, pussy…what's them fine ass women doin' with fags like ya'll…maybe we oughtta take 'em home and show em what a real man's dick tastes like…'specially that purdy little blonde that just walked in the house…"

Suzie was up on the porch so that means they were talking about Rosalie and I watched as Em's face took on a viciousness I had never seen from him before but Jeremiah held him back too as he growled, "No, fuck that, Jeremiah, that's my god damn wife he's talking about!"

Jeremiah, forever trying to be the mediator and voice of reason, pushed him back, "They want us to fight with them, Em, but it ain't worth it…"

He turned to the ugly guys and sneered, "Ya'll need to leave now…trust me, ya can't afford to lose any more teeth…ya ain't got a full set between the five of ya…"

My boys were all teetering on the edge, bouncing lightly in their places as they fought to keep from springing forward and attacking. Jeremiah wouldn't be able to keep them at bay for long and I really didn't want Brandon showing up in the middle of this.

But it was too late and Brandon's truck was coming down the street up behind them as one of the guys snickered, "I bet this dumb son of a bitch didn't even get that kid tested to see if it was his…he looks an awful lot like one of them blonde boys Candace was fuckin' on the side…it makes sense since ya gotta have balls to make a baby and we all know Jeremiah ain't got…"

I had never seen Jeremiah lose it before but the ugly man didn't even finish his sentence before Jeremiah was on him. And once Jeremiah was loose, the other boys followed.

Jeremiah hit him, sending him to the ground before leaning down and grabbing him by the shirt, hitting him over and over as he growled, "Better keep my god damn son's name out your mother fuckin' mouth…"

Jay had sucker punched one guy, before turning on another. He had him pinned to the car with his hand around his neck as he hit him…over and over again…

Emmett stomped the one on the ground that Jay had hit as he reached over him and grabbed another one by the back of his shirt and flung him to the ground next to his buddy. Then he was over them both, making good on the promise that they would be left toothless by the end of this.

The last one swung on Eddie but he was too fast and dipped down low underneath his arm and grabbed him by the back of the head, slamming his face into the roof of the car.

But then Brandon was out of his truck, shirtless and dirty with concrete ash all over him as he snatched Jay, pulling him back as he growled, "You're gonna fuckin kill him, Jay! Stop!"

Jay fell to the ground on his ass, panting but he stopped.

Then Brandon was on Jeremiah, yanking him back off the guy he had on the ground but he still managed a swift kick to the guys stomach as Brandon pushed him back to the ground next to Jay, "Calm your ass down, Jeremiah…"

Emmett and Eddie stopped on their own and walked over to the grass with the other boys, panting as Brandon pulled one of the guys to his feet and sneered, "The fuck do you think you're doin, comin' to my god damn house and startin' shit…I shoulda let them boys keep whoopin up on you but I'm tryin to do right and shit, tryin not to be a god damn animal so don't make me fuckin' gut you…get your little bitch ass friends, get in your car, and leave…"

I held Suzie's hand tight as my heart leapt from chest because the guy spouted out, "Fuck you…"

And the little thread of conscience that Brandon had left, snapped…

I barely registered the sound of the bones cracking as Brandon opened the car down and slammed it shut onto the guys hand because all I could focus on was the knife he pulled from the sheath on his boot…

He plunged the knife into the front tire of the their car. Then slipped it back into it's sheath and smiled down at the guy screaming and bloody on the pavement…he spoke in a slow southern drawl, "Now, ya can't leave…"

Jeremiah and Jay were back up now as they both pushed Brandon back and Jeremiah growled, "Get your boy and get the fuck outta here!"

The evil sneer lever left Brandon's lips as he silently watched them load there friend in the car and leave on three good tires…

And I blame the lack of oxygen I had from holding my breath for the tightness in my pants as I watched him watch them…

It was crazy but there was a part of me that found it unbelievably sexy when Brandon went all vicious…the deadly snarl on his pretty pink lips, the steel gray of his eyes, and the tense flexing of his chest and arms while he fought to maintain control…

But then, the bigger part of me knew that it was never good for Brandon to be put in these types of situations because he could easily slip and those baby blue eyes would be hidden behind steel gray forever…

Once the car was pulling away, the death glare faded and just like that, my sweet Brandon was back with his dimpled grin as he playfully hit Jeremiah in his shoulder, "So you grillin' or what? I'm starvin…"

Now I watched in complete befuddlement as Jeremiah, Jay and Brandon all started walking up the steps of the porch talking about food.

Eddie's thoughts seemed to mirror mine as he watched them too with a confused look on his face.

_Do they not realize that there has just been a big fight or that some guy's hand was broken and that Brandon has a knife in his boot?_

_Why the hell does he have a knife in his boot?_

He smiled and nudged my shoulder to get my attention but lost in my thoughts I jumped a bit and watched that smile fade to a look of concern, "You okay, Brady?"

And really, it's not in my nature to hold back so I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside the house, "We need to talk alone for a minute, Brandon…"

I didn't look back at him, afraid I'd lose the will to say what I needed to say if I saw the confused expression I knew he had on his face right now.

He mumbled to the rest of them that he was going to take a shower, to make themselves at home, and I saw Eddie pulling Jay into the kitchen, either getting ready to scold him or attack him.

Once we reached the top of the stairs, I led us into the bathroom and shut the door. Closing the toilet lid, I took a breath and smiled, "Sit and quit worrying, I just want to talk…"

I watched as he sat and relaxed just a little, looking up at me with wide baby blues, "Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad, I'm concerned. Why are you carrying a knife? Isn't that against your parole?"

His eyes fell as he shrugged, "Yeah I reckon it is but I been carryin' a knife since I was 15 and I'm used to havin it just in case I need it…'sides, I didn't kill the boy or nothin…just scared him a little…"

Looking very much like a big sullen child, his shoulders sagged as he studied the ground. It bothered me that he said that so easily. I let out a breath and slid my fingers under his chin, forcing him to look up at me as I offered a small smile in reassurance, "Brandon, I care about you…you're my friend and the thought of you walking around with that knife in your boot scares the crap out of me. You do realize that what you did to that boy was assault, right?"

But he just grinned at me as his eyes lit up, "You care about me?"

Rolling my eyes, I sat on his lap with a smile of my own, "Very much…but seriously, Brandon, what if they call the cops…"

His arms tightened around my waist as he laid his head against my shoulder and sighed, "They're just a bunch of meth heads…they ain't callin no cops…but I won't carry the knife no more if you don't want me too…sorry if I scared you…"

I pressed my lips to the top of his hair and smiled as I brushed my fingers through the dirty locks, "I know it's hard to be good when trouble shows up at your front door, Brandon. That's why I was hoping we could work on your portfolio tonight…"

Raising his eyes to mine, he smiled softly, "Yeah, after dinner we'll get started, okay?"

I pushed my lips against his and mumbled, "Mmm…k…"

Laughing softly against my lips, he eventually deepened it and I melted. Much too soon, he eased his lips from mine and breathlessly whispered, "I'm dirty, baby…really need to take a shower…"

Giggling like a love crazed fool, I smiled, "Want some company?"

He raised an eyebrow, "What about everyone waitin on us?"

I shrugged, "We don't have to do anything, it's just that I'm kind of dirty and sweaty now too…"

Pulling away from me, he furrowed his brows, "Shit, I'm sorry, didn't mean to mess up your clothes…"

But I was having none of that and pulled him closer as I smushed my lips to his as I mumbled, "I really could care less about my clothes…"

Then I pulled away and stood as I started yanking my shirt over my head, "But we really should hurry so we don't keep them waiting too long…"

Minutes later, we were under the hot stream of the shower. I was washing his back, watching his shoulders visibly begin to relax while I worked my small fingers against the tense, overstressed muscles. He groaned as he leaned against his hands on the wall of the shower and hung his head down, the water weighing heavy on his blonde hair as he sighed, "Fuck that feels good…"

Pressing my lips against the small of his back, I rested my head against his skin and whispered, "Just relax, honey…let me take care of you…"

He looked over his shoulder and grinned, "I don't know what I did to deserve bein treated so good but I'll take it…"

And so I washed the rest of his body, massaging his worn muscles as I went until he was thoroughly clean and relaxed. Buddha knows I wanted to have some fun sexy time with him but with a house full of people waiting on us, I decided it would have to wait until later.

Once we were in his room, he walked to his closet and my face went red as he saw my clothes hanging next to his. He turned to me with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Looking to the ground, I shrugged, "I knew I'd be spending most of my time here with you and didn't want to wear wrinkly clothes everyday because they were stuffed in my bag…is that okay?"

He chuckled as he threw his towel at me, "Yeah, it's cool, Brady…might as well leave your toothbrush and all your bathroom shit here too so you don't have to keep luggin that bag around…"

I dodged the towel and grinned, "Are you sure? I don't want to impose…"

Pulling up his boxers, I was blessed with a gorgeous scruffy dimpled smile, "I like havin you here…"

Resisting the urge to squeal and break out into the running man, I simply nodded and turned to get dressed so he wouldn't see the face breaking grin I wore, "Okay, cool…"

I started pulling on my jeans when I heard his voice again, "Hey, um…where'd these clothes come from?"

Walking over to him, I smiled, "Alice, Rose, and Suzie went shopping for you. It's just that most of your clothes are work clothes so now you have stuff to wear for when you go out…"

He furrowed his brows as he looked down, "They shouldn't have spent their money on me…"

Putting my hand on his arm, I squeezed his bicep a little and ducked my head down to see his eyes, "Alice is, like, ridiculously wealthy and she feels very strongly about fashion…her mom is a designer…anyway, don't feel bad about it, she loves to dress people up and make them feel good…I made her promise to keep it simple so nothing flashy or anything like that…just some jeans and a few shirts…oh, and new boots, see…"

I reached down and picked up the leather boots that were similar to his work ones but nice and clean.

He took them in his hands and sat down on the edge of the bed, "That was really nice…I should do somethin nice for her…"

I smiled down at him as I put my hand on his shoulder, "That's what friends do, Brandon…now come on, get dressed, I'm starving…"

He pulled on a pair of his loose jeans and an old t-shirt because he wanted to save his good clothes for when he went out. We both opted to go barefoot since we didn't plan on leaving the house for the rest of the night.

Jeremiah had grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and we settled out on the back porch to eat since there really wasn't enough room for all of us inside.

It was nice being around them all because the dynamic of the group always fascinated me and watching Brandon find his place in it was cool.

Having been friends with them for years, we all worked together seamlessly…Jeremiah, Jay, Alice, Suzie, and the boys kept Emmett, Rosalie, me, and Edward entertained as we tended to watch them ham it up. They were all loud and outgoing and really funny while the rest of us were content to listen quietly, offering our own little anecdotes here and there but ultimately, letting them run the show.

Brandon was definitely on the quiet side of the group but he was becoming more and more comfortable, asking questions about stories they had and throwing in his little quips every now and then.

After dinner, everyone decided to leave us alone for the night because they knew that we still had lots of work to do. I was nervous about showing Brandon the drawing supplies I had gotten him but luckily, he seemed to like them, though I decided to wait to show him the portfolio…but he really had needed them because, just as I had expected, most of his drawings were on notebook paper.

We were sitting on the couch and he seemed a little nervous as I looked through the sketches he had done since his first year in prison. But the dirty worn paper only made the images that much more effective. There were drawings with thick black lines blocking the views of the shadowed figures behind them, bodies and claws quite distinct but faces smudged out and distorted. I could feel the pain and fear and the sense of solitude, being stuck in a small dark room day after day until faces morphed into monsters and you couldn't tell one figure from the next.

But then there were other drawings, goofy cartoon like superheroes and cowboys…drawings of still life images like train tracks and street lights so real I wanted to reach out and touch them…and then sketches of people, detailed faces and features that were better than any photo could be…

And then I came across one, a young boy with wide eyes and long lashes, a smirk on his face and a gleam in his eye…

I smiled over at him and spoke as he looked down at the picture in my hand, "This is Angel…"

I knew it was…he was quite cute and Brandon had described him to me perfectly…the picture was so real I could practically hear him cursing in Spanish…

He nodded, "Yeah…"

Putting my hand on his knee, I gave it a little squeeze and smiled, "He was really cute, Brandon…this is a beautiful picture of him…did you do this from memory?"

Looking a little uncomfortable, he sighed, "Yeah…sorry, I shoulda taken that one outta there…"

I was having none of that so I sat the picture down and crawled into his lap, lying my head on his shoulder, I smiled up at him, "You don't have to hide anything from me. I'm not jealous of Angel, I'm grateful to him. If he hadn't been brave enough to kiss you, you might not have been brave enough to kiss me."

Now his cheeks darkened just a little beneath all the scruffy hair as he grinned and whispered, "Yeah, I'm grateful too cuz I really like kissin you, Princess…"

And to prove his point, he leaned down, pressing his lips to mine as my eyes fluttered shut and I sighed deep and content against him.

I knew we needed to get to work and we most certainly would…

In just ten more minutes…because what's the use of having a hot as fuck Whitlock if you can't enjoy it…


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry for the delay, I've been working twelve hour days and things are hectic right now but I hope you enjoy the chapter. Also, remember to donate $5 to the Toys 4 Tots wish list and you'll receive not only the Lessons Learned Christmas outtake but stories from other slashy and het authors. I know there will be a 65 Hours outtake, Guiding Eyes, Rescue Me and some one shots that sound amazing! The link is on my profile page.**

**Also, I ran through the last half of this chapter without really proofreading cuz I'm so short on time so hopefully I didn't make too many mistakes.**

**Enjoy!**

**Say When by the Fray**

**Brandon's POV**

If Angel thought I moved fast like a comet, he should see Brady. That boy was like…sunshine. I just wanted to bask in it cuz I ain't never seen anythin so bright or felt somethin so warm.

The one thing I've seemed to always have in my life is time to kill…

Most the time, I was stuck in memories and guilt for all the things I've done wrong in my life…there's been a lot of 'em…those thoughts would keep me trapped for days and months…

But, there were those very rare occasions that I'd allow myself to get lost in a stupid daydream where I got out and did right…where I was happy and settled, not teeterin along the edge all the time.

I never really thought I could do any of those things…but with Brady's help, maybe it was possible. He was the most amazin' guy I'd ever met and way tougher than people gave him credit for. And he was strong willed in a way that I never seen before…Angel and I always talked bout shit we wanted to do…but we never really did anything to try and make those things happen.

Brady, though, he was goin' to school on an art scholarship…he was doin' something with his life to make it better…

I've found that most people spend a whole lot of their life talkin, but very little doin'…Brady was a rare exception and I really dug that about him.

So wherever he led me, I'd happily tag along cuz I think if there's anyone who's strong enough to pull me along to somethin better…it's him.

For whatever reason, he cared enough to try and change me from evil ways and I cared enough to let him…in fact, I was rootin' for him cuz I really wanted to change. I hated bein' uneasy all the time but I ain't gonna lie…there's a very small part of me that's grateful every time I get to fight. Sometimes I just feel all wound up so damn tight that I'm sure I'm gonna explode…fightin' is a way to release all that energy and stress…

I've fought for as long as I remember and when I wasn't fightin', I was fuckin' or doin' whatever drug I could get my hands on. When I was a teenager livin' on the streets, every now and then some other homeless bum or junkie would offer me a hit of whatever they had, just cuz they were just so fuckin' wasted that they wanted to share the wealth. And when you hadn't eaten in two days and had been wearin' the same dirty clothes for over a week, you'd do anything to just escape for a little while…

I never became a junkie but if I'm bein' honest, it's only cuz I couldn't get my hands on it steady enough to make it worth it.

But that was when I was still a kid…I'm old enough to know better now and I'm smart enough to know that it only helps you escape for just a little while 'fore it drops you down deeper in the pit than you were in the first place.

I had already given up the drugs years ago so that left me with fuckin' and fightin'…and now that I've had a piece of Brady, I didn't really want no one else. His ass was the hottest tightest thing my dick's ever felt and feelin' anything else would most likely leave me disappointed. That little fucker had ruined me for anyone else.

And that was cool while he was here but what about when he left?

Without fuckin, all I had left was fightin. I know there's gotta be other ways to deal with life, I just don't know what they are. Maybe therapy would be a good start.

He held out a picture and smiled, "This is Angel…"

_Shit…I shoulda been payin attention…_

"Yeah…"

He put his hand on my knee and gave it a little squeeze, "He was really cute, Brandon…this is a beautiful picture of him…did you do this from memory?"

"Yeah…sorry, I shoulda taken that one outta there…"

But then he crawled into my lap, lying his little head on my shoulder, "You don't have to hide anything from me. I'm not jealous of Angel, I'm grateful to him. If he hadn't been brave enough to kiss you, you might not have been brave enough to kiss me."

_Such a little fuckin sweetheart…_

I grinned and whispered, "Yeah, I'm grateful too cuz I really like kissin you, Princess…"

So I did…I leaned down and pressed my lips to his and wasted no time in slidin' my tongue inside his hot little mouth. He was an amazin kisser…the way his fingers would claw to my shoulders or tug at my hair all rough and shit while the rest of his body wrapped tight around me, gettin as close as he can get…

This right here…this is what I've been waitin for all damn day…

Kissing him slow and deep, I eased the papers from his lap and set them on the coffee table while I leaned him back on the couch. His legs wrapped around me while his little breathless whimpers and moans were drivin me crazy…

Pressing him into the cushion, his ankles locked behind my back as he bucked up into me.

My boy was wild like that…

I pulled my lips from his and left him gasping as I went for his neck. He was writhing beneath me, clawing at my t-shirt…pushing up the material until I finally pulled away and used one hand to rip it over my head and toss it. Then his hands were all over my back and chest, little fingers diggin into my skin as he tried to pull me closer.

In all honesty, I didn't put up much of a fight…

Grinding my hips hard against his, he threw his head back and gasped, "Shit, Brandon…ugh…we've got work to do…"

But I ain't gonna lie…I was fuckin horny as hell and wasn't against using whatever powers of persuasion I could come up with…

So I nipped at his neck while I pushed up his shirt and whispered, "I'll work better if I'm not so wound up, baby…"

His back arched as I yanked his shirt off, messin up his pretty black hair to that freshly fucked look that suited him so well.

Gasping again as I slid down his body and took his little caramel nipple in my mouth, he clawed at my shoulders as he groaned, "Oh God, Brandon…we've got so much…work to do, baby…"

But the way he was pushing his body up into mine was contradictin his words so I just had to get him to say it…

I slid down just a little further, running my tongue down the center of his tummy while my beard tickled his ribs…then I reached down and palmed his dick through his jeans…

His back arched as he pushed up into my hand, his hand gripping the back of the couch as the other one tangled in my hair.

And then my boy growled, all soft and sexy, "_Fuck_, Brandon…suck my dick, finger my ass, then fuck me _hard_, baby…"

_Hell yeah…now that's what I'm talkin bout…_

It was really somethin' watchin' this sweet proper man turn into a little foul mouthed trembling mess beneath me…

I couldn't help but smile as I continued trailing soft kisses and licks down his tummy and ribs. Smacking my shoulder, he giggled breathlessly, "Don't get so cocky…"

Now I chuckled and looked up at him, "I'm not cocky…just happy…"

Reaching behind him, he pulled out the small drawer on the end table beside him and handed me a strip of condoms and a small bottle of lube, he must've put that stuff there. With his own soft smile, he ran his free hand through my hair and whispered, "I want you, Brandon…I want you so bad…can I have you?"

The boy took my breath away as I shuddered from the desperation and desire in his soft sweet voice before reminding him, "I'm yours, Brady…"

My hands were already unfastening his jeans and sliding them and his underwear down his legs. I sat back on my knees as I yanked them off and tossed them somewhere. And then I just looked down at him…naked and legs spread wide for me with one over the back of the couch leavin' that pretty little ass all open for me to take him.

He had one hand curled behind his head as the other pulled lazily at his hard dick, with a sassy smirk, he whispered, "Take your clothes off, baby…I want to see how hard I make you…"

No one had ever made me as hard as he did so I was much obliged to show him how bad I wanted him too.

I stood and watched his eyes grow dark and heavy as I slowly undid my jeans and took my time pushing them and my boxers down, exposing my heavy dick to his hungry eyes. Once my clothes dropped to the floor, I wrapped my hand around it and swiped my thumb over the head, swirling around the sticky wetness from the tip as he shuddered, "God you are so beautiful, Brandon…"

I've been called a million things in my life, but beautiful was dead bottom on that long list…but I really kinda liked it.

Though I thought he was the beautiful one.

But at this point, I was a little breathless and speechless so I just kicked off my clothes and settled between his open legs. Leaning over him with both hands in his hair, I kissed him slow and deep while our dicks slid against each other and he tightened his legs around my waist, pulling me closer.

Leaving him breathless now, I slowly started working my way down his sexy little body again…kissing and sucking his neck and shoulders…biting and licking his nipples…using my lips and tongue and teeth to explore every inch of his pretty caramel skin while he writhed and moaned and clawed and yanked on my hair…

When I got down between his legs, I dug my dick into the couch cushion beneath me for a little relief cuz all this teasin was teasin me too…

But I was gonna drive Brady as close to the edge as I could before letting him fall…

Purposely I avoided his dick, lifting up his legs and biting and licking the soft skin on his thighs, nuzzling my nose in the juncture of his thighs and hips…I knew that my beard was tickling the fuck outta him cuz he was squirmin' and moanin' as he tightened his fingers in my hair, breathlessly whispering, "Please…God, please, Brandon…suck it, baby…"

I liked to make him beg…

But I wasn't nowhere near done with him yet. Since he had been the only guy I'd ever been with, I was a little unsure of what I was doin at first and that made me a little uneasy…but I wasn't uneasy anymore and I wanted his dick to get so damn hard that it hurt before I devoured him.

And that's exactly what I was gonna do…devour this boy inch by inch…

Switching to the other thigh, I nipped and licked and drove him crazy till both hands tangled in my hair as his back arched and he moaned, "Fuck me, Brandon, please…God please just…"

His plea was cut short when I turned my head and started tonguing his balls. They were really smooth, apparently shaved and I sucked the soft skin into my mouth as he groaned, both hands leaving my hair now to grip onto the cushion beneath him and the back of the couch.

I chuckled as I slid my hand down his leg and grabbed his little foot, pushing it up and in the air, opening him up to me fully while I swiped my tongue over his puckered little hole. I had never done this before but them boys on the porno seemed to like it real good so I figured Brady might too.

And apparently I was right, cuz his little toes curled in my hand as he threw his head back and screamed, "Yes! God yes, Brandon, don't stop!"

That just spurred me on more as I flicked my tongue against him, swirling around as his hand came down to touch his dick but I wasn't havin' none of that…he was mine to touch and he'd just have to wait…

So while I tongued his hole, I reached up and laced my fingers with his, keeping his hand pinned to his side and when he tried to grab it with his other hand, I did the same the thing.

His legs were wrapped around my neck now as I held his hands and plunged my tongue inside his needy little love hole.

I could feel his arms tensin and flexin as he held onto my hands tight, pushin against my tongue so that he could fuck himself, his heels diggin into my back to bring me closer.

He was spoutin out cuss words left and right in vicious little moans and grunts and I couldn't take much more…I had to get him ready and let him cum cuz I needed to fuck him bad…_real _bad.

I let go of one of his hands as I reached over to the coffee table and grabbed the lube, poppin the cap and squeezin out some in my hand before droppin it back to the table.

Then I ran my tongue up from his pink hole, over his balls and along the bottom of his dick while I slid a finger inside him. He was trembling and writhing against my finger while I licked his dick and dipped my tongue in his slit as I slid another finger inside that hot ass.

His hands were tangled in my hair, pulling desperately as his heels dug into my shoulders and I couldn't help but look up at him and smirk when I finally took him deep down my throat and curled my fingers inside him.

I may have been new to this to this kinda sex but I was a damn quick learner…

He bucked against me as he let out a growl that went straight to my already aching dick, "Fuck yes…gonna cum…fuck…ugh…"

Pushing another lubed finger inside him, I stretched him out as I sucked him, tastin him on my tongue as he fell apart. His ass clenched so tight around my fingers that my dick was jerkin' in protest as I drank him all down. It wasn't bad at all, in fact, the taste of him only made me want more of him.

Sitting back on my knees, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as he trembled and shook, a sweaty mess, panting for air.

I reached over and grabbed a condom but he snatched it from me quicker than I expected and soon he was sittin up and rollin it down my dick. I just watched as his little hand wrapped around it tight, coating it up with lube till I was throbbin and jerkin into it…now I was the needy one.

He positioned me at his entrance before leanin back and wrappin his legs around me. His eyes were dark, hair all sweaty and cheeks flushed pink as he whispered, "Come here, Brandon…"

I would most likely do whatever this boy told me to do, so I leaned down over him, elbows next to his head while I tangled my hands in his pretty black hair…kissing his lips and pushing myself inside him as gentle as I could bear…

He gasped and held onto me tight as I whispered against his lips, "You okay?"

Breathlessly, he whispered as his eyes opened, heavy and dark chocolate, "Yeah…no more tears…I promise…"

Then his lips were pressed hard against my own, his tongue swirling around mine as he grunted, "Fucking take me, Brandon…"

Now I rasped out a low, "Fuck…" before pushin smoothly into him. Both of us gasped, his head flew back as his eyes shut and he clawed at my back, digging his heels into my ass, encouraging me to just keep goin…and when my thighs hit his smooth ass, I had to stop and take a minute so I wouldn't cum yet.

Never in my life has there been someone that just fit me so perfect…it made my mind reel and my knees buckle, arms trembling as I struggled to get a little control back cuz the boy just blew me away.

But then his lips were back on mine, whispering breathlessly, "You feel so good, baby…"

And I was just done for as I gave in and took the boy…

Kissing him slow and deep, I pulled out and slid back inside, feeling the way he stretched so tight and warm around me…

With each thrust deep inside him, every scratch from his fingers as they skidded across my sweaty back in an attempt to hang on tight, and all the desperate moans and grunts fallin from his pretty pink lips, I was strugglin' to hang on…

But he was just beginning to get hard again against my stomach and I really wanted to get him off again…I guess it was a good thing that I can cum and keep goin cuz I couldn't hold back…

Cumming deep inside of him, I couldn't string together a coherent thought if I tried and I only managed a bunch of desperate grunts and whimpers.

I've done a lot of drugs in my life but ain't nothin' ever compared to this high I feel right now…

I gave myself a minute to breathe again before pullin out and carefully tugging off the filled condom, tying it off and walkin to the kitchen to throw it away.

When I walked back into the livin room, he was sprawled out on the couch, lazily strokin his pretty cock, legs wide open and smirkin at me…

Scratchin at my chin, I chuckled, "You ready for round two, Princess?"

He nodded his head and I reached down, ripping another condom off the strip, "Get on all fours, darlin…it's about time I introduce to the wonderful world of doggy style…"

His whole body was flushed but he was grinnin' wide as he slowly crawled over onto his tummy and raised up on his hands and knees…pushin that perfect little bubble of an ass up in the air, just waitin for me.

Rollin down another condom, I slicked myself up good and wet, stroking myself a few times and slappin my dick against those sweet little cheeks just cuz I could…

Then I sat on my knees behind him and gripped his hip with one hand and slipped two wet fingers inside him, "You still ready for me, Brady?"

Pushin back on my fingers, he groaned, "God yes, I'll always be ready for you, Brandon…please, _fuck _me…_please_…"

I pulled my fingers out and pushed the head of my dick in through that tight ring of muscle and he cried out, "Yes! More, baby, more please…"

There was nothin I loved more than makin this boy beg for more of me…'cept maybe givin him what he wanted…

If he wanted more of me, than that was what he was gonna get…

Reaching around him, I took his swollen dick in my wet hand, pushing apart his thighs with mine as I pressed him down onto the cushion, sliding my dick all the way inside.

He let out a gasp as I covered his body with mine, kissin at his neck as I fucked him slow and deep, wantin him to feel every inch of me inside him.

Underneath me, he was trembling with shaky breaths as he pushed back into me then forward into my hand in small breathless thrusts.

His hands came back and tangled in my hair as his face turned to the side against the cushion…his eyes were closed as he fought to speak, "Ugh…feels… so…good…gonna…cum…all over…your…couch…"

I'll be damned if the boy didn't make me chuckle, which somehow, seemed to bring me even closer to the edge as I rasped out, "Fuck this god damn couch, Brady…cum for me…I'm so close…"

With a deep, low moan, he pushed back and I wrapped my other arm around his waist, pulling him up as I set back on my knees.

He started to fall forward but I held him tight and whispered, "I got you, baby…"

His stomach was heaving as he panted and held onto my arm around his tummy. I rocked him back and forth, onto my dick and into my hand until his thighs were quivering and he was chanting a beautiful string of breathless curse words in a gravely, rough whisper…

And finally his body just gave in as he cried out, his hot cum spilling out over my hand and drippin onto the cushion beneath him as I kept pumpin him slowly.

Letting go of his dick, I fall forward and use my hand to brace us so I don't crush him but for the life of me, I cannot stop…

He holds himself up one hand as the other wraps over his shoulder into my hair. His lips are on mine as he whispers, "Let go…I got you, baby…"

So I did, pressing him back down into the couch, kissin those sweet, soft lips as I melted and erupted, all at the same time.

Cummin inside Brady was unlike any kinda good I ever felt before…

It took me a minute to recover as we both lay there pantin and I try my best not to crush him under my weight.

With one last kiss to his soft neck, I whispered, "I'll be right back…"

Carefully, I pulled out as he shuddered but made no attempt to move. A minute later I came back with a wet cloth to see that he hadn't moved an inch and was in fact, sound asleep, sprawled out on his tummy.

That made me chuckle again but I leaned down, pushing his sweaty black hair from his forehead as I whispered, "Hey sleepyhead…I'm gonna clean you up, okay?"

He just groaned as he pushed against the cushion and I had to stifle a laugh cuz the boy was an animal. Bringing the warm, wet cloth down between his legs, I slid it up between his cheeks to clean up and he pushed back against my hand.

Then he was giggling as his eyes opened to look up at me, "Now I can see why Eddie always falls asleep after Jay…I have never felt so thoroughly…_spent _in my entire life…"

I just smiled as I continued cleaning him up after he rolled over to his side. He grinned sheepishly with flushed cheeks, "Um, sorry about the mess on your couch…"

Shrugging, I helped him up and just smiled, "We'll just flip the cushion, no big deal…"

He hit my arm with a breathless laugh, "That's so dirty…"

I wiped off the cushion before flipping it and smiling back at him, "Sex is supposed to be dirty…"

His cheeks were pink as he teetered on the balls of his bare feet, "Um…I should go take a shower…but I don't know if my legs have enough strength to carry me up the stairs…"

Raising an eyebrow, I smirked, "You wanna ride, Princess?"

Looking down at the floor, he smiled, "No, that would be silly…"

Rollin my eyes, I swooped him up in my arms as he giggled like a mad man.

"It'd be silly to think that ya'd be able to walk up them steps after that dickin' down I just gave ya…"

He cuddled up to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and burying his smiling face into my neck.

I carried him up the steps and set him down in the bathroom then took his face in my hands and kissed his lips soft as I whispered, "I'll be downstairs workin…take your time, Brady…"

He seemed to be a little dazed still as I pulled away but I was feelin' strangely moved to get to work now…

I wanted Brady and in order to really have him, I had to get my shit together cuz he needed a man, not a disaster.

By the time he came downstairs, wearin one of my big t-shirts that hung down to his knees, I had a few drawings done.

Smilin up at him from my spot on the couch, I raise an eyebrow, "You can still walk, huh? Guess I'll have to try harder next time…"

Rolling his pretty brown eyes, he smacked my shoulder as he looked down at my lap, "Oh, you have your work cut out, honey, 'cause I'm quite resilient and tougher than I look…"

I smiled as his fingers ran through the scruff on my chin, "I have no doubt about that, Brady…"

He had the sweetest smile…

"Oooh, you've got some drawings done, let me see…"

Pulling the drawings to my chest, I shook my head and laughed, "Nope, lemme see them undies first…ya know I'm dyin to know what you got on under there…"

With a sassy little smirk he pulls away and begins to lift the hem of his shirt, slowly as his little hips start move to an imaginary beat and I smile, "You're such a fuckin' tease…"

That caused him to let out a laugh as he rolls his eyes, "You just plowed me into your couch, Brandon, I hardly think that qualifies as teasing…"

I chuckle as his undies are revealed…white briefs with a royal blue band and Tootsie Pops all over them…but then he giggles as he turns around and the words 'How many licks does it take…' are in royal blue across his ass…

He turns back around and drops the hem of the shirt as he raises an eyebrow, "So, how many licks does it take, baby?"

Shruggin, I grin up at him, "I don't know, didn't count…guess we'll have to make another go at it…"

He smiled and plopped down next to me, "You really are trying to render my legs useless, huh?"

"Well, you _do _like to be carried…"

Tucking his wet, shiny hair behind his ear, he leaned over and smiled, "Let me see what you've drawn…please…"

So I showed him the drawings and his pretty little face lit up, "These are fantastic! Okay, so these will be great to show your attention to intricate detail but we also need some basic stuff, like maybe butterflies or hearts and flowers…"

He pulled out his laptop and slipped on his glasses, I just watched him amused as he started typin away.

"And also, you should do some lettering…oh, and some we'll keep in plain gray pencil but let's add some color to this dragon one…use the colored pencils, that'll be easiest…"

I did just what he said cuz he was really smart and I figured if I just did what he said, it'd be the best for me anyway since I only tend to screw my life up.

It was one of the nicest nights I ever had…

We just sat around on the couch, watchin TV and drawin. He'd show me images on the internet of popular designs and lettering so I could get a good idea of what I was supposed to be drawin and it was fun comin up with new shit. I loved seein' the way his face would light up at each one.

Eventually he got up and heated some leftovers from earlier. I looked to the doorway and saw him dancin around the small kitchen, singin to himself as he made our plates. He just looked so happy and so…_comfortable_.

Sometimes I think that people forget how important that is…to just be comfortable enough with someone to let down your guard and just…be whoever you really are when no one else is lookin…

I let my guard down with Angel a few times, but he never really let his guard down all the way…he held back from me a lot but I can't say that I blamed him…

It was probably a pretty smart decision, seemin the mess I made of my life…if I couldn't save myself, how would I have saved him?

But Brady was absolutely comfortable with me…he let down all his walls, lettin me in like no one ever had before…he was a brave little fucker for havin' that kinda faith in me that I wouldn't hurt him…

I really hoped I never hurt him…I mean, I know I'd never lay a hand on him or nothin like that but I do dumb shit sometimes and I really didn't wanna disappoint him…if I could just get my shit together and grow the fuck up, maybe six months from now he'd be dancin' around our kitchen in Seattle…

Six months wasn't really that long…not when you're free, now when you're locked up, that shit takes forever...

I wasn't exactly free yet but I had one foot out the door and was rarin' to go…

He walked back into the living room and set down our plates on the coffee table, then he plopped down next to me, grabbed the remote and started flippin through channels while he ate.

Not gonna lie, my heart did flip flops and I couldn't hardly stop grinnin' long enough to eat.

Raising a perfect little eyebrow, he smirked, "What?"

I just shook my head as my cheeks started heatin up, "Nothin…"

Thankfully he let it go, squealing as he looked at the TV, "Oh, look this is the show I was telling you about with the twinks I think you'd like…"

We watched his show and the twinks were really cute, but they didn't have nothin' on Brady…

Eventually, he settled on the other end of the couch with my feet in his lap. His tiny little fingers rubbed my toes and the bottom of my feet and I swear, it felt so good that it made my dick hard.

He looked down at me with a sassy smile, "I'm going to give you a pedicure and I think you're really going to like it…"

It wasn't like I was gonna say no to bein' pampered…ain't nobody ever really babied me before but I did really like it.

Tryin to draw while he played with my feet wasn't easy cuz it felt so good but I stayed focused and kept workin. I really wanted this job cuz if I could get outta Mission, I'd be one step closer to Seattle.

I know Brady deserved better than me and would probably be better off havin' tons of boyfriends in college and sowin' his wild oats and shit but fuck that, I wanted him.

So I was gonna do whatever I had to do to keep him…I'd let him have the next six months to party and date and be wild but the second I set foot in Seattle, I was goin' after him and goin' hard cuz I already staked claim on that shit…he was mine.

He finished my pedicure but didn't stop rubbin my feet as he watched TV. By the time I was done drawin', he was slumped on the arm of the couch fast asleep.

I gathered everythin' up on the coffee table and flipped off the TV before pickin him up. He cuddled to my chest, even in his sleep as I carried him upstairs. Lyin him down and pullin the blanket over him, I took off his glasses and put them on the nightstand. Then I crawled in next to him and pulled his back to my chest, holdin him close and lettin the smell of cocoa butter put me to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up with a jolt from a nightmare that left me shiverin…I couldn't remember all of it but the sounds of the locks on the cages where I spent almost seven years of my life, were still in my head, thick and heavy. That's a scary fuckin sound, the loud clang of the locks turnin into place, isolating you from everything but yourself.

You feel like a mouse on a wheel, runnin and runnin but getting nowhere…

Time stands still and it all blends together…you start out countin the hours and by the end, you barely remember how many years you spent rottin away like a rabid dog…

"Brandon? You okay, babe?"

His sleepy, soft voice broke me from my thoughts and then his hand was on my cheek, gently scratchin through the scruff, makin me forget everything else but how good it felt.

I smiled, "Yeah, I'm fine, sorry I woke you up…"

He slid his hand up and into my hair, guiding me to his chest as he whispered, "You're shivering…cuddle up to me, I'm like a little heating blanket…"

I chuckled but I gotta admit he was right. His chest was warm, his skin soft, and the sound of his heart beating was soothing. He held me tight and I held him back and before long, I was asleep again.

And just like he said, he kept me warm all night.

The next morning I woke to the alarm clock. Brady slept right through it as I slipped outta bed and took a shower. Twenty minutes later, I was downstairs makin' coffee when I heard the knock at the door.

Opening it, I saw Edward and Jasper. Jay was half asleep but grinned and mumbled, "Sup, cuz…" Then he went straight to the couch and laid down.

Eddie flashed this crooked little grin, "He's not a morning person."

Shuttin the door behind him, I smile, "Thanks for comin' over so early, I just really hate wakin him up…"

Now he smirked, "And you really like having him here when you get home…"

My cheeks heated as I just chuckled, "Want some coffee?"

He nodded and followed me into the kitchen. I pulled out two mugs and filled them, I drank mine black but handed him the sugar.

I noticed that his cheeks were a little flushed as he looked up at me, "I really love it when Jay comes home too…he's so busy with classes and working that it's been really difficult to spend time together. My favorite part of the day is when he comes through the door…he's my angel…"

Aww…Eddie was a sweetheart, no wonder Jay loved him so much…

I couldn't help but smile, "I do like havin Brady here…it's nice havin all of y'all here…"

Leaning against the counter behind him, he sighed, "It's been nice getting to know you too, Brandon, but I feel like I should apologize for yesterday…"

Now I was confused, "What for?"

Taking a deep breath, he looked up at me, "For fighting…I should've never let it get that far, you're on parole and the last thing you need are people fighting on your property. It was a mistake and I'm sorry."

I shrugged, "We all make mistakes, Eddie…it's okay…"

Now he looked down at the floor as he spoke softly, "I hope I'm not stepping over my boundaries, Brandon, but you're family and I feel like I have to say something…yesterday, with that knife…that was really scary…"

Damn, now I felt bad.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to scare you…"

His eyes lifted to mine as he sighed, "I know you didn't…it's just…I watched my father murder my mother with a kitchen knife when I was six years old…he forced my hand and made me join in to release the demons his schizophrenic mind had convinced him were possessing her because she wanted to leave him…and I use to be a cutter so knives just freak me out sometimes…"

It felt like I lost all the breath in my lungs as my eyes went wide and I rushed out, "Jesus, Eddie, I'm so sorry…"

He smiled softly as his eyes became glassy, "It's taken me a very long time to be able to talk about it but my family has helped me…I still suffer with post traumatic stress syndrome but it's gotten very manageable now. The reason I'm telling you this is because there are some things that you can never fully recover from, you just have to learn the proper ways to deal with them. This therapist my father set you up with should be able to help you learn and I'm just asking that you hold on as hard as you can before doing something reckless that will destroy your life. Please stop carrying the knife, I would feel so guilty if something happened to you because of it…"

I never really connected with many people in my life but when I looked into his eyes, I just felt this connection. I could see the pain but it was shadowed by an unbelievable strength and now I _really _knew why Jay had fallen in love with him.

"You're right, Edward, I know I'm a tickin time bomb but I don't wanna blow up and destroy everythin' around me. I promised Brady I'd stop carryin the knife and tonight I'm gonna have a talk with Jeremiah and Jay…maybe take a ride out to the prison as a reminder of the consequences…"

He smiled and nodded, "I think that's a good idea because so many people would be devastated if anything happened to any of you…that includes you, Brandon. It doesn't matter how far away we are, we are always right here with you. If you need anything, all you have to do is reach out and we'll be there."

I really couldn't help it, I reached out and pulled him into a hug, "Thank you, Eddie…that means a lot to me…"

Hugging me back, he sighed against my shoulder, "You're family, Brandon…"

When I let him go, his face was bright red as he smiled, "So, how are things with you and Brady?"

Now I grinned from ear to ear, "Really good. He's kinda amazin…"

Then my smile faded as I sighed, "I'm really gonna miss him when he goes home…"

Nodding his head, he put a hand on my shoulder and smiled softly, "Sometimes what we need more than anything is one really good friend that you can share everything with. Jasper and I were friends for a while before we started…um…fooling around…"

He blushed and I smiled.

"What I'm trying to say, is that you and Brady can still be friends even after he's gone. You're not going to be separated forever and maybe when the time is right…you'll be in Seattle and things will work themselves out…but no matter what, hold onto his friendship because I think you're going to need it…"

I knew he was right, he was a pretty smart little feller…

We talked a few minutes more before I had to be headin off to work. Usually I didn't mind work so much but the day just dragged on and on as I thought about how fast everythin' was changin' but I found that I didn't mind that so much either.

Sure, my stomach was in knots and I was nervous about the unknown but for the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt alive. It's easy to just stop livin when you're on the inside cuz the outside world don't matter but I had to start livin in this world again.

And I had to get it fuckin right this time cuz I don't think my life can take another fuck up…

So I spent the day givin myself pep talks and before I knew it, it was quitin' time.

I pulled off my sticky shirt and threw it in the passenger seat before jumpin in my truck, haulin ass and callin Brady.

"Hey Brandon…"

"Hey, what's goin on, Princess…where y'all at?"

"We're all here at the house. I've been working on your portfolio and it looks amazing so far. Jeremiah and Jay have agreed to let you do some ink work on them and Edward is going to photograph it so I can add it tomorrow…"

He really was a pistol…

I smiled, "Thanks for all your hard work, Brady…I appreciate it…I'm gonna pay you back one day…"

His little laugh gave me goose bumps, "You don't owe me anything…we're friends, Brandon, and I'm always willing to help my friends…"

And that got me to thinkin, "We're still gonna be friends after you leave, right? I mean, we can talk on the phone and stuff?"

That light airy voice floated through the phone as he spoke, "Of course, Brandon, we'll always be friends…"

I really hoped that was true.

"Well, hey I gotta grab Jeremiah and Jay and run off for a little while when I get home, it's somethin I promised Eddie…"

"Oh, I know, he told me. They don't know yet though. I think it'll be a good thing for you boys to sit down and talk about everything. Are you nervous?"

I took a breath and sighed, "Yeah, I don't really know what I'm gonna say…it's not like I'm a role model or some shit so how can I tell them to stop bein so crazy…"

"You just tell them the truth, Brandon. When you get there, look at that prison and tell them exactly what it's like to be in there, be honest and don't sugar coat it…I think that's the best thing you can tell them…"

And I was gonna do whatever he said cuz he was smarter than me, "Alright, that's what I'll do…see ya soon, okay?"

"Okay, babe…see you soon…"

So when I walked through the front door, I bent down and gave Brady a quick kiss before pointing at Jay and Jeremiah, "You two, come with me, we're takin a little road trip…"

Their faces were priceless as Jay raised an eyebrow and asked, "Where are we goin?"

I smirked, "Get your asses in the truck…"

They looked like two sullen puppy dogs as they kissed their respective spouses and walked by me to get in the truck.

I smiled at Edward, "Don't worry, Eddie, I got this…" Then I looked at Brady and smiled, "Be back in an hour, Brady…"

Piling in next to Jeremiah with Jasper on the passenger side, Jeremiah groaned, "You could've at least taken a fuckin shower, dick head…"

The truck came roarin to life as I pulled out and laughed, "Shut the fuck up and just bask in the smell of a real man, fuckers…"

Jay pulled out a cigarette and grumbled, "Asshole…"

I just smiled and reached around Jeremiah to hit his shoulder, "We're all assholes, Jay…it's part of the Whitlock charm…"

That made him chuckle and Jeremiah spoke, "Really, Cuz, what's this all about?"

"Well, I've been talkin to Eddie and he tells me that y'all are runnin wild up in Seattle…gettin' into fights all the time and shit…I ain't here to preach at you for doin the same shit that I do, I just think we all need a reminder of where this road leads…"

They were both quiet for the rest of the drive and I had to take a breath as the prison came into sight. It was on a deserted stretch of road, miles from anything else. I knew we wouldn't be able to pull off long but I wanted them to really understand where I just spent damn near seven years of my life at…

So I pulled off the side of the road, across the street and stopped the truck. I took a deep breath and looked over at them, "Give me a square and let's get out…"

Jay handed me one, I had quit smoking awhile back ago but I couldn't help it…it was hard to believe how nervous this place made me now when at one time, it was the only sense of normalcy I knew.

We all three leaned against the hood of my old truck and just stared over at it for a minute. Then I just decided to do what Brady told me to do.

I pointed, "See that guard tower right there? East block is the building behind it. That's where I was. I was in gen-pop so I had a job and shit I had to do, and then I got let out in that yard for one hour a day. When you're in that yard, those guards at all four towers got semi automatic machine guns pointin at your head the whole time but really, they're the least of your worries…"

They didn't look scared yet but I wasn't nearly done yet…

"Look off in that corner, see that little brick wall with all them guys standin there?"

They nodded and I continued, "That's the outside bathroom. It's three open toilets about two feet apart. If you gotta go, you better remember to take your own toilet paper cuz they ain't got none, no sinks either to wash your hands and you better have someone standin at that wall, watchin your back while you take a shit cuz I seen boys gutted on the crapper…"

Now their faces started to look a little more horrified and I smiled as I heard the alarm go off.

"Hear that? See all them boys droppin to the ground? Someone just got raped or beat or murdered…when you hear them sirens, you just fuckin drop, don't matter where you are or what you're doin…"

And I wanted them to really understand so I growled, "Drop to the fuckin ground!"

Their eyes went wide and I hissed, "You'd already be dead by now by a bullet to the head now drop to the fuckin ground!"

And they dropped. I dropped with them.

Once we were all lyin on that dirty, dusty ground, I looked up at them and huffed, "Out here, it's dirt you're lyin in but in there, there's piss and shit everywhere, nut, blood, spit…ain't not one spot in that place clean and fit to be lyin your face in but it don't matter, if you're not on the ground in three seconds they will open fire on your ass…I seen boys dropped before…"

They were really payin attention now and I just kept goin, "You think you're tough but I've seen the biggest boys held down and gang raped by a dozen mother fuckers…the guards don't care, no one does…do you know what it's like tryin to sleep on a concrete slab in a cold damp cell, stinkin all to high heaven cuz you can't flush the toilets in your cell either, it's done automatic once an hour…but imagine tryin to sleep and all you hear is men sobbin' and screamin' and other men laughin' for bein the cause of it…it was two days after my 18th birthday when I went in and I wasn't nowhere near a man yet but I became one real fuckin quick cuz my first night, I got jumped and beaten nearly to death…woulda probably got raped too if Cliff hadn't jumped in and helped me out…I was damn lucky that Uncle Wayne set me up with his friend cuz if it woulda been anybody else that helped me out, they woulda expected somethin in return. People only help you out in there if you got somethin they want and everybody's crooked, including the guards. I've seen 'em paid off to let boys get raped or killed, it happens all the time and nobody gives a fuck. When you're in there, you're nothin…nobody cares about you…you're really all alone…I've been fuckin up with this fightin bullshit and carryin that god damn knife around like I'm Billy bad ass…we got choices and we better start choosin right 'fore they take those choices away from us…"

Both of their eyes were glossy and wide as they stared at me. I sighed, "Come on, let's get up, I'm gettin too old for this shit…"

We stood and Jay handed us both cigarettes before lightin his up and sighin, "Shit, man, I'm sorry….I've done shit that could've landed me in there…I don't ever wanna go there…"

I nodded as I stared over at the yard, "Yeah, man, you really don't. I know you've stayed in some shit holes but don't nothin compare to that place…you know, if you accidentally killed a man while fightin, you'd get at least fifteen years, longer dependin on the amount of violence and brutality involved…do either of you really think that Edward or Alice would be waitin for you when you got out? Do you think JJ would welcome you back into his life when he was nearly a man already? Not much scares me in life, boys, but losin the rest of my life rottin away in that place scares the fuck outta me…I need to get outta Mission and away from this shit…gotta start livin again instead of bein shut down like I was on the inside…I need you guys to help me do that…when we're all together, we fuel the craziness…we need to be lookin out for each other more…takin care of each other…"

Jeremiah sniffled, "We need to fuel the love, Cuz…"

Jay and I looked at each other for a second before we just started rollin. Jeremiah wiped his eyes and huffed, "Fuck you guys, I'm bein serious…think about it, Jay, what if Eddie accidentally killed somebody in a fight you started…think about him bein in a place like that…"

That stopped Jay dead in his tracks as his eyes went wide and glossy. He shook his head, "No fuckin way I'd ever let that happen…"

I raised an eyebrow, "You gonna stop the cops? The judge? The jury? Once somethin like that's done, there ain't no un-doin…"

His head dropped as he leaned against the truck and sighed, "Shit, you're right…I'm puttin him in danger every time I can't control myself…I get it, Brandon…I'm done fuckin around with our lives…"

I smiled and threw my arm around his shoulder, "We don't run and we don't hide but we gotta start bein man enough to walk away…"

Now Jeremiah threw his arm around my shoulder and laughed, "See, y'all were laughin at me and I was tellin the truth…so big, gay group hug and let's fuel the love mother fuckers…"

And we were all chuckling as we had a big, gay group hug not 500 feet from my worst nightmare.

I laughed and pushed Jeremiah's shoulder, "Now if this mother fucker can quit cryin long enough for us to get back home, I need a shower…"

Jeremiah punched me in the arm with a grin, "Fuck you, you know I'm all emotional and shit…and yeah, Cuz, you really need a fuckin shower, stankin ass son of a bitch…"

Jay laughed as he opened the door and motioned for him to get in first, "You ride bitch again for cryin…"

Jeremiah grumbled as he climbed in, "I hate you guys…"

We both laughed as we got in and shut the doors. Jay threw his arm over the back rest and tousled Jeremiah's hair, "Aww, but we love you, Cuz."

Now I chuckled as I pulled back onto the road, "That's good, Jay, keep fuelin the love…"

Jeremiah just laughed and leaned forward to flip on the radio, "Fuck you guys…"

Some rap crap was blarin and Jay reached the dial before me, "No way, Jeremiah…"

But then some kinda modern rock was playin and I leaned forward turnin the dial as I shook my head, "My truck, my music…"

When I heard the song, I sat back and grinned, "Now this is good music…"

They both agreed with me and we all bobbed our heads and sung out loud to Free Bird all the way back home…

And for the first time, I really felt like I was leavin that place behind…

Once we got back to the house, I took a quick shower while they ordered pizza. After we were done eatin, I got my kit ready and smiled, "Which one of you is first?"

Jeremiah shoved Jasper forward, "You married rich, Cuz, you go first cuz you can afford to get that shit fixed if he fucks up…"

Jay peeled off his shirt and sat backwards on the foldout chair from the back patio. With a cigarette hangin from his lips, he smirked, "Quit bein such a pussy, Jeremiah…"

Jeremiah just shrugged him off and I spoke, "So, what'cha want, Cuz?"

He just shrugged, "I don't know, I trust you…"

I had noticed the wings on his back and I remembered that Eddie called him his angel so I used that. I colored his bicep in dark black and gray shadows with deep red ridges and jagged edges, only to be broken up but bright rings of light and tarnished angel wings wrapping around his arm to fight back the darkness. It was like a battle between good and evil but good was winnin…

When I was done, I was nervous as hell as I held up the mirror and Eddie knelt down by it to look.

His eyes went wide and my heart dropped thinking he didn't like it…but instead he looked up at me with big green eyes and smiled, "It's beautiful, Brandon…just…perfect…"

Jay nodded as he looked in the mirror, "Holy shit, dude, this is fuckin amazing! Can you do my other arm?"

I couldn't help but smile as Jeremiah walked up, "No way, Cuz, I'm next…"

So I promised Jay I would do his other arm before they left at the end of the week and I went to work on Jeremiah.

By the end of the night, I had done tats for Jay, Jeremiah, and Emmett and they all seemed to like 'em real well. Eddie was snappin dozens of pictures and Brady was snuggled up to me on the couch as he smiled, "I'm so proud of you, Brandon, you do really amazing work! Now tomorrow, I'll get the pictures developed and add some to your portfolio. After your counseling session, we'll go over to the tattoo shop and talk to Lou Anne…"

I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him to my chest, "Brady, even if I don't get that job, I'm still gonna look for one in Houston and move outta Mission as soon I can…"

He squealed and threw his arms around my neck, "Thank you, thank you, thank you…"

I just held him close and whispered, "I should be thankin you…so thank you, Princess…"

Tomorrow was Thursday. Tomorrow was a day that could potentially change my life for the good. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't wait until tomorrow.

**A/N: Just to let you know, the next chapter will probably be Brandon's POV also...he's a wordy bastard…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, so Brady was demanding to be heard…sorry, he can be a bit of a diva sometimes, lol. Anyway, big thanks to Laura for proof reading and the awesome suggestions ;)**

**And thanks to my girl Maria for all the texts of inspiration lol.**

**Hope you enjoy.**

**Song : Baby I Do by Sean Hayes (Ugh, this song has the perfect words for these two) It's in my faves on my you tube. And Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson (live version) cuz it's prettier...**

**Brady's POV**

I had often felt pride in all of my friends…when Eddie and Jay walked back into the cafeteria hand in hand after being outed so viciously…seeing Emmett stand up to all the jerks that made fun of him for being friends with me…watching Suzie's face light up when she received her acceptance letter and partial scholarship to the University with us…

But being here and watching the light come into those baby blue eyes is making me feel something that I've never felt before…something bigger and warmer than pride…something deeper and richer than adoration…something that scared me to my core and excited me beyond all belief…

I think that maybe…_this _is what falling in love is supposed to feel like…

It really sucks that it happens now and with a man that I can't stay with but I wouldn't really trade it for anything in the world…because even if it hurt in the end, this was so worth it.

The transformation in him already was spellbinding…Angel was right, Brandon was definitely fast and brilliant like a comet once that spark was re-lit…only this time he was shooting in the right direction.

It made me sad that I wouldn't be here to witness more of this beautiful miracle first hand but I intended on keeping close tabs on him once I was gone…he would always be a part of my life, in whatever way I could have him.

And sweet baby Jesus, I wanted him bad…

The night had been a definite success. The boys' tats turned out incredible and I was even further impressed at Brandon's ability to see into the soul and bring it out on display, layered in the boys' skin in brilliant color and contrasting darkness…

He truly was an artist…a tortured soul…

But through the suffering and pain, a monster had formed as well…he kept it buried as best he could but at times, it came raging to the forefront and devoured all the humanity that he clung so desperately to…

It was this monster that frightened me…the one that saw red through black eyes and nothing else…

The monster that carried knives and wasn't afraid to use them…the monster that broke people's bones and demanded the kind of fear that caused crowds to move out of his way when they saw him coming…

I was really hoping that we'd leave that monster here in Mission…

Because Brandon, the man, was truly remarkable and God, he was so beautiful…

And I really love my friends, but I honestly couldn't wait for them to leave. I was desperate to have some alone time with Brandon. After all, it had been hours since we touched each other.

So when they finally left for the night, Brandon was cleaning up the tattoo stuff while I went to the kitchen to wash the dishes so that we could go to bed soon.

As I was rinsing, I felt his big, strong arms wrap around me and I melted into his warm chest. His scruff tickled my cheek as he leaned down and whispered, "I been thinkin bout havin you alone all fuckin day…"

Pushing my ass back into his hardening cock, I smile as I put the last of the clean dishes into the strainer, "Oh? Have you been thinking what I've been thinking?"

His hand came around and pushed down the faucet to turn off the water, I turned in his arms to stare straight up into those sexy pale blue eyes and that cocky smirk underneath dirty blonde locks.

And with that look, I knew he _had _been thinking what I've been thinking…

Never one to be patient, my tongue darted out over my lips in anticipation and then like a bolt of lightening springing up through my toes from the depths of Hades…all hellfire broke loose as I was wrapped tightly in chiseled arms, lips attached to a Greek God himself.

It wasn't sweet or soft but it was wild and passionate as I clawed at the back of his shirt, over bulging muscles while he lifted me easily…my bare back now pressed against the cool refrigerator as my shirt gets torn carelessly over my head…

And I did not give one fuck.

Instead, I took the moment to drag his shirt over his broad shoulders, relishing the way it fucked his hair all up but for just a moment because his tongue was down my throat again, kissing me so deep that I could feel his ragged breathing from the inside…

His hands were squeezing my ass so tight that I knew there'd be finger shaped bruises on it in the morning but again…

I didn't give a fuck.

Because my hands were on the button of his fly and my heels were digging into that ass made of marble…

Breaking free from the kiss, panting for air, our eyes never left each other as shaky, desperate hands fumbled with zippers and wanton fingers dug into flesh, recklessly yanking down the denim that dare separate us…

His calloused hands are pushing the offending material, along with my undies, down over my ass cheeks and I gasp as they meet the cold door behind me, but then one arm is wrapped tightly around me while he pulls back, dragging them down and off my legs easily until they land somewhere on the kitchen floor.

My cock is already hard between our stomachs, twitching as my legs quickly wrap back around his waist, my heels and hands desperately pushing his jeans and boxers down until they fall around his ankles and his glorious dick springs free, heavy and pulsing as he moves it against mine.

Pleasure just courses through my body already as my head falls back against the cold door and my back arches as I moan out, "Oh God yes, Brandon…"

He just groaned low and deep as he pushed up against me, head falling to my shoulder as his strained breaths and scruffy chin tickled my neck.

Then my palms were flat against his chiseled chest made of stone as I breathed out, "Let me down for a minute…"

Pulling away with a look of confusion on his gorgeous face, my feet gently found the ground and I just smirked up at him as I reached behind me into the kitchen drawer and pulled out a small bottle of lube and a strip of condoms.

This clearly relaxed him as he smiled and started to pick me up again, but I shook my head and placed them on the counter behind me. Then before he could question me, I fell to my knees on the cold, linoleum floor, making my intent clear as he groaned and gripped the counter behind him. His cock jutting out long, hard, and thick, the head weeping for me to suck it.

Oh and I would not disappoint…but first, I looked up at him with a smirk on my lips as I lifted each of his feet to drag his jeans and boxers the rest of the way off. Looking up at him from my place on the floor, he looked like something out of Greek mythology…he looked like a God, tall and rugged, broad chest and huge arms, thick, chiseled waist and thighs that literally made me drool…

I ran my hands up the back of his calves, feeling them flex and tense beneath my feather light touches…his cock was twitching above me as I began placing soft, tender kisses along his calves, and up his thighs…

His skin erupted in goosebumps as I nipped at his inner thighs, a long moan falling from his lips when I feel his hard cock on the top of my head, rubbing through my hair.

He's trembling now as I lick and nip and suck all around the one place he really wants it. I feel his rough fingers gripping my hair now as he moans softly, "Jesus Christ, Brady…feels so fuckin good…"

And the way he's shaking and breathing so heavily, it really makes me feel like I'm some powerful sex God too.

He makes me feel so sexy…

Nuzzling my nose into his heavy balls, I lick and suck while he moans and pushes my face deeper into it. I just smile as I drive him crazy, relishing in the way his strong fingers tremble as they grip my hair tightly at the base of my neck. Sucking one of his balls into my mouth, I moan in delight as I swirl it with my tongue before doing the other one. His cock is in my hair and rubbing against my forehead, over my eyes as I look up at him.

Dark blue eyes are staring down at me, half lidded through shaggy blonde hair, while I let go of his sack and begin running my tongue along the thick vein underneath his cock.

He needs to be worshipped like the God he is…

And so I did…

I licked up and down, placing soft swirly kisses along the heated flesh as it twitched and leaked against my cheek and nose and chin…

Then finally, I placed my lips on the sticky tip and ran my tongue through the slit as I moaned softly, "Mmm…you taste so good, Brandon…"

Biting his lip, he was staring down at me through dazed eyes before his grip in my hair loosened and he was just playing softly with it as he whispered, "Suck it, baby…"

God I was so hard that it ached, so I took myself in my hand as I took him into my mouth. I moaned around his cock, thankful for the little relief I was getting as I stroked myself slowly because Brandon's cock was made for my mouth.

I loved everything about it…the way it pulsed and twitched against my tongue, how it was so hard but the skin so soft as it slid down my throat…how it would fill me so full I'd have to remember to breathe through my nose so it wouldn't gag me…

And I loved everything that came with it…his muscles tensing and flexing as I ran my hands all along his thighs and ass and stomach…the way his fingers felt when they were gripping my hair tight and the control he had…or the way they played lazily with my locks, gently like I was the most precious thing in the world…the soft sighs and hard grunts…the sharp thrusts and slow roll of the hips…

I loved it all…apparently I was kind of a slut in the bedroom…not that I hadn't figured as much, I just had never really gotten a chance to see…

_Yup, total cock whore…and I'm so okay with that right now…_

But then he tugged on my hair and I looked up to see him with a cocky smirk, "I wanna fuck you…"

So, reluctantly, I let go of his dick, with a pop and a lick before I raised to my feet with a smirk of my own.I grabbed the strip of condoms and tore one off. Still smiling up at him as I started rolling it down, his eyes were dark and instead of the cocky smirk, his lips were curled into a vicious little snarl and I felt my dick jump and my asshole tingle in anticipation.

He was soooo going to fuck the living daylights out of me…

Grabbing the lube, I poured a generous bit into my hand before setting it back on the counter. Then I lathered up both hands before taking him slowly in one, stroking and enjoying the way his eyes would roll for just a second before setting intensely on mine again. With the other hand, I reached behind me and wasted no time, pushing two fingers inside my hole to get me ready for him.

He pulled me close now, my tight fist pulling at his cock while he laid his head on my shoulder and watched me finger myself. I kissed his chest and whispered, "I don't need to prepare much, I spent all afternoon fucking myself with a dildo on your bed…"

And that finally did it…

There was a growl as he pulled away and grabbed my arms, turning me around to grab the kitchen counter. His hands yanked my hips roughly in place and held me there as I felt the tip of his cock slowly push inside.

I lost all the breath in my lungs as my eyes closed, my head hanging down as I moaned from the stretch and the burn of his cock filling me up slowly…tortuously…

The slow pace was killing me and I found myself pushing back to take him deeper inside me as I moaned out, "I can take it, Brandon…I want it, baby…give it to me…"

I was not disappointed when I felt a hand tangle in my hair and fingers bruising my hips as he slammed into me, growling, "That what ya want, boy?"

Screaming out, my toes curled and my head flung back, "Yes! God, yes! Fuck me, Brandon!"

And I was so totally lost as the beast came out to play…

My knuckles were white from gripping the counter, my toes were digging into the floor, desperate to keep me upright, and my ass stung deliciously as he began pounding into me. There were no words spoken, only the sound of two savage boys, growling and grunting…and the sound of flesh smacking and the squeak from my sweaty toes sliding across the linoleum as he held me tight and fucked me hard.

My knees were weak and my arms ached from holding on so tight when so much force was pushing me forward. Then he was over my back, one arm around my waist and one hand on top of mine on the counter, fingers lacing as his sweaty chest slid against my back. His damp hair and scruffy beard were against my cheek as he panted out, "Ain't gonna let you fall, Princess…so just let go…"

And so I did…my balls tightened and my hard dick just erupted as I cried out cumming all over the counter and dripping down to the floor…

It took every ounce of energy as I came harder than I ever had in my entire life, without anyone ever even touching my dick.

I was still pulsing and tingling, unable to hold myself up as he slammed into me a few more times before I felt him jerking and cumming inside of me.

But I should've known that he wasn't done with me yet…

And I couldn't help but grin goofily, dazed in euphoria as he turned me around and pulled me up to wrap my legs around his waist. My back was against the cold, hard fridge now as he tore off the condom and tossed it in the kitchen trash before handing me the strip and grunting as he pushed his still hard, wet cock against my stomach, "Put it on me…"

So I did as I was told, fumbling with shaky hands because I just couldn't get it on fast enough. Finally when it was rolled down, he grabbed the lube and handed it to me as he held one hand out, palm up. His other arm was underneath my ass, holding me up as I squeezed some lube in his hand and then tossed the bottle on the counter.

I watched him stroke himself with hungry eyes as I began to twitch again. Then his fingers were between my ass cheeks, pushing inside me as his head fell to my shoulder and he whispered, "You're so god damn sexy, Brady…"

We were a sticky mess and my hair was crusty with his dried cum but I simply didn't care…I had never felt sexier…

I pushed down onto his fingers, my fingers skidding across his muscled sweaty back as my head fell back against the fridge, eyes closed from pleasure as I rasped out desperately, "I always want you inside me, Brandon…every moment of every day, it's all I can think about it…your fingers, your cock…lips and tongue…God, I love everything about you, you make me so fucking crazy…"

But I was cut off as his mouth moved against mine, tongue pushing frantically inside as my fingers clawed his back while his cock replaced his fingers in my ass. He swallowed my cries as my heels dug into his ass and his hands gripped the top of the fridge before fucking me so hard that the damn thing shook with each thrust.

I really hoped he didn't have anything breakable in it…

Vision blurred…

Whole body weak…

Stomach coiling and tightening as he fucked me wildly, like an animal devouring his last meal…

Chest constricting from lack of air and being pressed so tightly by his body against the fridge, I swallowed his cries this time as I felt him cumming again…

He broke free from my swollen lips, our hair a sweaty, matted mess as he started nibbling on my neck and rolling his hips deep and slow, relishing those last few strokes.

I was so close, my dick hard and aching in between us…but I was surprised when he pulled out and tossed the condom before setting me to my feet and dropping to his knees on the cold floor.

It took everything I had to stay upright but he held my hips as he took me all the way down his throat, a wet finger pushing inside my ass and curling to hit my sweet spot. Like the greedy whore I was, I threw my leg on top of his shoulder to open myself up to him and I used my back against the door as leverage while I tangled my hands in his hair and begin to fuck his mouth as he finger fucked me.

It didn't take long until I just crumbled, cumming so hard down his throat that every ounce of energy I had was completely drained.

He pulled his fingers out and I was panting, trying to tell him that I couldn't stand upright so to not let me go, but he seemed to know as he just scooped me up in his arms and smiled, "Can't walk, can ya?"

I shook my damp hair, chest still heaving as he chuckled, "Well alright then…shower time and then round two…"

My eyes went big as I rasped out, "Really? But wait, your kitchen is a mess, I came all over the place and there's lube everywhere…"

He just held me tight as he flipped off the light and carried me out, "Fuck this kitchen, we can clean it tomorrow…"

Snuggling into his chest, I smile and sigh happily as we head upstairs to take a shower.

After wards, I've regained some strength and am so totally ready for round two by the time we hit the bedroom…

In fact. we even added a round three in there somewhere in the middle of the night…

The next morning, I awoke, deliciously sore, to Eddie's ring tone. Brandon was wrapped tight around me, keeping me in a death lock as I tried to wiggle my way out. It took me awhile, but eventually I broke away carefully so I wouldn't wake him up. He was sleeping so peacefully and since he didn't have to work today, I was going to let him catch up on his sleep. The poor thing always looked so exhausted.

I tip toed to the closet and couldn't help the butterflies in my stomach when I saw my shirts nestled close to his shirts…like they belonged there together…

_Ugh, I'm such a sap…_

I grabbed some clothes and my phone before heading to the shower. Once thoroughly clean and shiny, I crept downstairs to put on some coffee, clean the kitchen from our sexcapades, and call Eddie back.

He said that he had developed the pictures from last night and would drop them by in just a little bit. So I kept myself busy, doing some laundry before pulling out Brandon's portfolio and drawings. I really hoped he slept until I had it finished because I really wanted to surprise him.

When Eddie and Jay knocked on the front door, I quickly let them in and told them to keep it down since Brandon was still sleeping. Eddie and I started going through the photos as Jay went to the kitchen to get them some coffee.

I laughed as I went through them, "Oh my God, Eddie, these are fantastic…"

The photos of the tattoos turned out beautifully but I was referring to the candid shots of us all hanging out. There were ones of the boys playing Texas Hold 'Em but no one would play for money because we all know that Jay cheats…turns out, Brandon knows just as many tricks as him and it became a battle between the two…and a draw in the end…

There were also ones of me and Brandon kissing as I straddled him in his chair…Jay was taking a smoke break from his tat so Brandon used the time to kiss me silly…

I smiled, "Can I have these?"

Eddie just smirked as he reached in his backpack and handed me a little photo album, "Those are all your copies and these are for Brandon."

Aww, Eddie was so awesome. Brandon was really going to love all those pictures

Jay and Eddie helped me with Brandon's portfolio and about an hour later, I had everything matted and it was finally ready.

The boys said there good-byes and we said we'd meet up later before Brandon went to his therapy session.

I was a little worried that Brandon wasn't awake yet because I knew that he barely ever slept past 6am and it was going on 10 now. So I snuck upstairs quietly to check on him. He had my pillow in a death lock now and there was a peaceful smile just playing along his lips.

I ran my fingers through those pale locks that lay across his beautiful face before going back downstairs to leave him be.

For the next hour, I finished the dream catcher I had been working on and decided to make breakfast, even though it would be noon soon. Deciding on Spanish omelets, I nibbled at the vegi's as I cut them up and before long, I was carrying a cup of black coffee and his omelet upstairs to him.

Not wanting to frighten him, I called out his name softly as I crept in the room. He began to stir and I heard him groan out a raspy, "Where are you?"

I smiled, "Right behind you…"

Now he rolled over, sleepy blue eyes looking up at me as he smiled, "Mornin Sunshine…"

Walking over to the bed, I sit next to him as he sits up against the headboard, "I made you breakfast, though it's nearly noon…"

His eyes go wide as he looks over at his clock and chokes out, "Holy shit! I can't believe I slept that long…I'm sorry, Brady, guess I was just really tired…"

I wave off his concern as I place the plate on his night stand and hand him the coffee, "It's no big deal, Brandon. I kept myself busy and I'm glad you finally got some good sleep, you really did need it…"

He really had…the dark circles underneath his eyes were barely visible now and his grin just seemed to make him glow even brighter, "No one's ever made me breakfast in bed before…"

I smile sweetly as I lean forward to give him a little smooch, "I like to be pampered but I'm good at pampering too…"

He chuckled and I stood to let him know I'd be right back. I ran down the stairs, carefully, and brought up my plate so that I could sit with him. Scooping up a big bite, he moans softly, "Oh God, this is good…"

Raising an eyebrow, I smirk, "I'm good at lots of things, Brandon…"

And I'm surprised as his cheeks go pink underneath the scruff and he smiles, "Yeah, you give the best head ever and you can cook too…I think I might just keep you…"

_Yes, please…_

Now it was my turn to blush as I tried to speak through a wide smile, "I, um…should probably let you know that this meal is falsely advertising my cooking abilities…I mean, I only know how to make this omelet and um, I'm pretty good at cookies but that won't fill you up…oh, and um, I know a few Indian dishes that my nana taught me when I was younger, ya know, before she became scared she would catch the gay…er…whatever…"

I was rambling…

_Fantastic…_

But there was a cocky smirk playing on his dark pink lips now as his pale blue eyes sparkled in amusement, "I might just keep you anyway…"

My heart was racing as I scooted the egg around on my plate. My thoughts had been flooded with scenarios of Brandon and I still being together when I boarded that plane back home. I know, in my head, that it would be difficult maintaining a long distance relationship but my heart keeps reminding me of how excruciating it will be to know that he's not mine…or Heaven forbid if he gets a new boyfriend and expects me to listen to the dirty details…

I would shatter into a thousand glittery little pieces…

Then I feel his hand on my shoulder as he looks down at my hands, "You look scared half to death, Brady…I was just kiddin, I'm not gonna kidnap you or nothin…"

And I want to chuckle because that thought is absurd…Brandon could never hold me against my will because I would never be unwilling…

Raising my eyes, I mean to laugh it off but instead, I say, "We could find a way to make it work, you know…I mean, um…six months isn't that long and we could talk all the time and I could come see you on my breaks because I get like, two or three and um…yeah, so…I'm just saying…"

I was running out of breath because my heart was pounding and my lips were dry…

He was quiet as he pulled his hand away and sat back, closing his eyes as I began to officially panic. Fighting back tears, I take a shallow breath, my lungs constricting my chest as I mentally berate myself on making up things that aren't there again…pushing things too fast…making more out of this than it really is…

I have to hold myself together or I won't survive this…

Squaring my shoulders, I take a deep breath and raise my chin, speaking with a clipped tone, I shrug, "It's no big deal, Brandon…I mean, this is just a little Spring Break fling, I get it…"

Rising to my feet, I'm no longer hungry so I decide to take my plate downstairs when I hear his voice…and he does not sound pleased…

"Where the fuck you think you're goin? Wipe that little bitch mask off your face and sit the fuck down…"

I froze in place, a little shocked…a little pissed…and a little turned on…

_Hi I'm Brady and I have a problem…_

But then I heard the rustling of the mattress and his voice again, this time though, it was very sad…

"Shit…I'm so sorry, Brady…I didn't mean to curse at you like that…will you please just turn around cuz…it's making me feel worse that I can't stop starin at your ass…"

I try not to…but I smile, just a little as I turn around but it quickly falls at how completely broken he looks sitting there on the edge of the bed. His bare legs long, lightly scarred over impressive muscles…his elbows on his knees and battle worn hands gripping that beautiful shaggy pale hair that covered his face as he rasped out, "I can't…I'm not as smart as you…it takes me a minute to get my thoughts together and you um…you just sprung that on me…I'm sorry for the way I talked to you but um…this ain't Spring Break for me and you ain't just some fling…"

And I feel like such an ass…

Dropping to my knees and placing both hands on them, I look up at him and speak softly, "Brandon, I'm so sorry…I should've just given you a minute and I never should've acted like I don't care because that is so completely opposite of the truth…I just thought…you know…that you should know that us being together is an option…if you're interested…"

A small sad smile came to his face as he took my hands and raised up, whispering, "C'mere, Brady…"

I didn't resist as he pulled me onto his lap, straddling his legs, I felt my body relax as soon as we were pressed together…

Looking up at me, he sighed, "There's nothin I would like more than bein with you, Brady, but it just…I'm not good right now…I'm just really tryin to get my shit together and you deserve better than to be tied down with some criminal half way 'cross the country…"

Shaking my head, I look into those sad blue eyes and whisper, "Relationships are never built with two perfect people, Brandon…people are flawed and there are always challenges to face and demons to battle but that's what the beauty of it is…we all face things every day but we don't have to be alone to do it…regardless of if we're in a relationship or just friends, I'll be there for you…"

This was all just as new to him as it was to me. At least I had positive relationships and people around me to learn from but he hadn't had that. It broke my heart but I remembered my promise to Eddie that I would be patient with him. He needs understanding and patience, not for me to get upset with him if he isn't ready for all of this…

I hated the look on his face…it was pained as he whispered a raspy, "You're too good to me, Brady…I ain't done nothin to deserve how good you are…all I've done is latched on to you as hard as I can cuz you're just…I don't know…amazin ain't a strong enough word for what I think of you…and I wanna be with you but it just ain't the right time for that…I hope 'n pray it will be someday…but I gotta try and make some kinda life for myself 'fore I can give you what you deserve…I gotta get myself under control cuz if somethin' happened to you cuz of some bullshit I did…it would fuckin kill me…and I can be a really selfish man sometimes but I can't be selfish with you…it wouldn't be right to tie you down to me right now…you go do your college thing, have some fun, learn some stuff…and I'll do my…thing…and um…maybe someday…"

He was rambling now and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. I didn't want him to hurt anymore so I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. He gasped just a little and I whispered, "It's okay, Brandon…maybe someday…but for now, just kiss me…"

His hand came up and tangled in my hair as he kissed me hard…desperate…

And I returned it with just as much desperation, hoping that he would feel all the love and hope I had for us without me having to say the words. He was still skittish…like a wounded animal and I had to take great care not to scare him off. This was enough for now…it had to be because it was all he could give. And though it hurt me to my soul, I would go back to Seattle single…but regardless of what he said, I'd be waiting for him to get his shit together and show up on my door step…

My head was screaming at me to quit being so dramatic and silly…that a man as beautiful as Brandon would move on quickly from little plain ol' me…but my heart was steady whispering with startling conviction that this was real…that we really belong together…

But silly me would listen to my heart…

Because I may have been a perv, but I was totally a romantic too…

Eventually, when we were both out of breath and panting, our lips parted and I smiled, speaking through shallow breaths, "Well…enough with…the sad stuff…it's a big day for you…"

His dark pink lips were swollen but they still wore a frown as he whispered, "I'm sorry, Brady…"

Holding up my finger, I pushed it against those sweet lips and smiled, "No sorrys, sweetheart, I'm not upset with you…I do understand what you're saying. The thing is, I'm here to have fun and I've been having the most fun in my entire life. So let's leave the future to work itself out and let's just have some fun. And nothing says fun like therapy and a job interview so let's get rolling babe…"

That finally earned me a chuckle as he rolled his eyes, "Yeah, fun…"

I hopped up and pulled him to his feet. He cradled my cheeks in his hand and looked down at me, still sad as he started to speak, then stopped.

There was enough going on in his life without adding the stress of our…whatever this was…

So I smiled and held his hands on my cheeks, "Brandon, really, sweetheart, it's okay. You should know from last night that I'm tougher than I look…so go take a shower and I'll wash these dishes. And when you're done, I have a surprise for you…"

Leaning down, he kissed my lips so softly before grinning, "When I _do _get to Seattle, I'm comin after you hard…so date, have fun…but don't go fallin for nobody else, ya feel me?"

And my heart fluttered and my skin tingled as I grinned back, "I feel you."

I was more than some casual fling to him…he cared about me probably even more than I realized…maybe even as much as I cared for him.

He hopped in the shower and I floated down the stairs…it was insane that the man could turn me down and still make me feel like I was the luckiest man in the world.

After washing the rest of the dishes, I folded the laundry until I heard him calling for me. When I went upstairs, he was standing butt naked in front of his closet with a frown as he looked over at me, "What should I wear?"

This was my area of expertise so I was happy to help. I wanted him to look good and well put together but casual so I chose dark black jeans that fit him nicely and black boots, and topped it off with a white Ed Hardy T-shirt, with red and black designs. The shirt looked great across his chest but wasn't so tight that it made him uncomfortable.

He asked if he should shave and I told him not to speak such blasphemy…I liked the way it tickled my thighs…

We called Carlisle since he had said he'd go with Brandon to the therapist. After making sure it was okay with Brandon, everyone decided to tag along to Houston to see how the job went and to have dinner afterwards. They all promised to keep themselves busy, shopping while he did his thing.

When we went downstairs to wait for Carlisle, I grabbed his portfolio and hid it behind my back as he sat on the couch, nervously wringing his hands.

I smiled, "Close your eyes."

Grinning now like a madman, he closed his eyes and I put the portfolio in his hands and whispered, "Open them, babe."

His baby blue eyes opened and went wide as he looked at his portfolio for the first time. He ran his hand along the blood red stitching and over the BW in the corner before he looked up at me, "This is…fuck, Brady, this is badass…thank you…"

Resisting the urge to jump up and down while clapping, I sit next to him instead and cuddle up to him, "Open it, what's inside is truly badass…"

Carefully, he flipped it open and I have never had as much fun as I did watching his face light up from seeing how truly good he is…everything was professionally matted and glossy and pretty fucking amazing.

As he was looking at the photographs, he broke into a big grin and breathed out, "Holy shit, I'm really am good at this…"

Like he just realized how amazingly talented he is…it was about time.

"Yes, Brandon, that's what we've been telling you…you're incredibly talented…gifted…"

Then his fingers were in my hair, pulling my lips to mine for a deep, needy kiss, before opening those lidded blue eyes and whispering, "God, I love…"

And then he stopped as my heart pounded…

His tongue darted out over his dark pink lips as he barely breathed out, "…it…I love it, thank you, Brady…"

But I was a smart boy and I don't think he meant to say 'it' at all…so I smiled sweetly as I stroked his scruffy cheeks, "That's good because I really love it too…"

I really hoped he understood, so now I was the one wetting my dry lips and saying in a breathless whisper, "You feel me?"

Those blue eyes glistened as he slowly nodded his head before he broke out into a sweet dimpled grin, "Yeah, I feel ya…"

Then his lips were on mine again…

15 minutes later, the sound of a horn brought us back to reality as he sprung off of me where he had me pressed into the couch. Our eyes were wide at the disheveled position we had been caught in.

Both rock hard and pushing against the zipper of our jeans, his eyes were wide as he turned away from me and rasped out, "Quick, think of something gross…"

I turned away and started thinking of all the flashes of beaver I had gotten from the girls through out the year.

A minute later, I sighed, "Okay, I'm good. You ready?"

He let out a breath and smiled, "Yeah, I'm good. Let's roll…"

He grabbed his portfolio and soon we were on our way to Houston. We were riding with Carlisle and Esme up front, JJ and Em J in the back, and Brandon and I in the middle. The rest of them followed behind us in the other SUV.

It was fun playing with the kids while we drove and I think it helped to calm Brandon's nerves. And watching him grin wide as JJ bounced in his car seat singing Sweet Home Alabama was so amazingly awesome, words cannot describe.

Em J joined in every few minutes with a screeched out, "Dat bama! Dat mah home!"

After about an hour, they both passed out in their seats and Brandon grinned as he grabbed my hand, holding it between us while Esme smiled in the rear view mirror at us. Eventually we pulled up in front of a big, brick building and I see him visibly stiffen as his hand grips mine just a little tighter. Carlisle smiles as he unbuckles his seat belt, "Esme's going to take the car and she'll be back in an hour to pick us up…"

I only meant to get out to let Brandon out since he had never really asked me to go with him to the therapist but he gripped my hand tight and pulled me close so I figured that meant he wanted me to stay. Esme got out and came over to us with a huge grin, "Don't you worry about a thing, sweetheart…we've all done this and it can help but you just have to let go and talk, okay? No clamming up…"

With a stern motherly look, he broke into a grin and chuckled, "I'll try my best, Esme…"

Her face softened into a sweet smile as she grabbed his other hand and pulled him into a hug, "I know you will, darling. No worries, we'll be here when you're done."

After she gave Carlisle and me hugs and kisses, they left and we made our way upstairs. Brandon had a death grip on my hand but seemed to be kind of off in la la land as he cautiously took in his surroundings. He hadn't said a word since we walked in the building and when Carlisle had to check him in for his appointment, I feared he might not say a word to the therapist.

Eventually an older woman, with plump cheeks and silver hair tied up in a wild bun came wobbling out. My eyes went wide because I was not expecting this woman to be his therapist but I trusted Carlisle as he smiled, "Dr. Lorenzo, it's so good to see you again…"

She took his hand as laughed, "Far too long, Dr. Cullen. It's been, what? Six, seven years…"

He nodded and explained that they met through a conference several years ago when they were assigned as a team for little projects they made them do.

Being even shorter than me, her eyes got big as she looked straight up at Brandon but then she gave him a smack on the arm and chuckled, "Boy, you're a big'un…you ready to fix your entire life in an hour?"

Brandon sputtered over words at the strange woman and she chuckled again, "I'm just messing with you…okay, here's my rules…say whatever you want, talk about anything you like…but just keep on talking, okay?"

He squeezed my hand and nodded, "Yes ma'am. Um…can he come in with me?"

She smiled and nodded, "Sure, and who is this?"

I smiled and held out my free hand to her, "Brady Seneca, ma'am, it's nice to meet you…"

Carlisle offered to wait since I was already going in and Brandon said he'd be okay with that.

Once we went into her office, he settled on the couch and pulled me next to him, still squeezing my hand.

It was quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat and rasped out, "What am I s'posed to talk about?"

"Anything you like, Brandon. Why don't you tell me about yourself? Your childhood perhaps? Mother and Father?"

His panicked eyes found mine as he shook his head and I squeezed his hand and whispered, "It's okay, Brandon…just close your eyes and pretend it's just you and me…just tell the truth…"

Now both hands had mine in his lap as he slouched back and shut his eyes, playing with my fingers nervously he started talking.

"Don't know my daddy, he killed himself when I was a baby…mama said it was cuz he was a dirty fag, like me. Mama was a party girl…she had a thing for bikers and they was always around. Ever since I can remember, she never wanted nothin to do with me. I had to always take care of myself. I can remember bein real little and beggin to take a bath cuz it had been days since I had one…she wouldn't get off the couch, I know now it's cuz she was high as fuck…so she just told me how to do it and when I burnt the shit outta myself, she beat my ass…"

God it made me sick to even think of these things happening to him…

"Sometimes they would party for days, and me and my little cousins would be holed up in my bedroom. I'd have to sneak food for them and I remember walking through clouds of smoke and music blaring, men callin me a son of a bitch and women runnin their fingers through my hair tellin me what a cutie I was…people offerin me sips of their beer or whiskey or a drag from a joint…I couldn't have been more than 8 or 9...they always said it'd make me a man…I 'member this one time, Suzie had colored all over herself in purple marker and I had to draw a bath for her. I ran down to my room to get her a towel I had used earlier and when I came back, some man was in the bathroom, knelt down and touchin her shoulder…she was only 3 and butt naked, wincin as he touched her…I saw red…there was a wrench on the floor from the broken toilet and I grabbed it and swung at that fucker's head as hard as I could…by the time my mama came in, he had knocked out three of my teeth…mama said they was baby teeth anyway and it wasn't a big deal…but she was pissed at me for sendin that bastard to the hospital for stitches…"

My stomach was in knots as he kept going…

"Elementary school was really bad…I used to get jumped every day and the tar beat outta me cuz I smelled bad or wore clothes that didn't fit…but by the sixth grade, I learned how to take care of myself better and I had a big growth spurt…I was the boy that would pick up a metal chair in class and knock you silly with it and not give a fuck…I got suspended time after time for fightin…nobody really gave a fuck…so by the time I got to high school, I was a mean son of a bitch that nobody dared fuck with cuz I was crazy…I broke boys arms with pool sticks and dislocated limbs by stompin on them…I knew I coulda killed somebody but I didn't care…nobody else did so why should I? Why should I let shit slide when I got my ass beat for years when I was caught slippin…"

My eyes burned as I fought tears while he played idly with my fingers and just kept talking…

"The first time I was in Juvie, I was scared but it's not like you can admit that shit…no, you hold your head up and puff your chest out like you're the biggest cock on the block and you walk around like you own the joint…I got jumped a couple times at first but after awhile, I had hurt so many boys that they finally just stayed away from me…truth is, I liked Juvie better than home most the time…I got fed and had a place to sleep, even if the food sucked and the mattress was hard as a rock…but they kept lettin me out and I'd end up back at mama's house…I started runnin the streets all hours of the night up to no good…stealin and shit, doin drugs, gettin fucked up to just try and escape shit for awhile…it never worked for very long…"

Dr. Lorenzo finally piped in, "How old were you at this time, Brandon? Was your mother still around at all?"

"Uh, I was bout 13, I guess…and yeah mama was always around…lettin dirty bikers run trains on her or suckin some fucker off in the kitchen when I came home from school…she'd be high as fuck and she'd just laugh and laugh like it was the funniest thing in the world for me to catch her doin these god awful things…"

My heart was racing as he talked about his mother…there was such a hatred…a contempt in his voice that it made my blood run cold. His mother was definitely the beginning spark to the life of Brandon's monster.

Taking a breath, I heard the doctor ask what kinds of drugs she used and did she ever do them with him.

He laughed, callous and cold, "What drugs didn't the bitch do? She was mostly a meth head but that cunt would smoke anything, inject whatever and pop pills like they was Flintstone vitamins…she did a line of coke with me one time after I beat the shit outta one of her boyfriends for beatin her…she thought I was, like, savin her or some shit…dumb bitch…I just had a bad night and was itchin to beat somethin…hurt somebody…I could give two shits less about that fuckin whore…"

I had never heard him be so brutal before with his words…I had to bite my tongue to keep from begging him to stop as my eyes welled up with tears…

Dr. Lorenzo spoke again so calmly that it kind of pissed me off, "When's the last time you spoke with her? Where is she at now?"

Another humanless laugh as he shrugs and his blue eyes open, they are icy cold as he smirks, "Ain't seen her since I was 15...don't know where she's at right now but I hope that filthy cunt is bein gang raped and chokes on a dirty dick…"

A sob escaped my throat, as I wipe at my eyes…all this time I had heard of this side of him, the cold hearted monster that just didn't care…I had even seen glimpses of it but I wasn't prepared to see him like this…

It was scary and it was painful…I understood now why he wasn't ready to commit…he really did need help.

His eyes are on mine now, and I can see the hurt in them as he frowns, "Shit, I'm sorry, Brady…am I scarin you?"

I shook my head as I tried to stop the tears and Dr. Lorenzo spoke, "What's upsetting you, Brady?"

And I just couldn't stop myself as I burst out, "This isn't him! This is not my sweet Brandon! This is the monster _she _created! I hate hearing him sound so cold and vicious! This anger and hate just puts a choke hold on all the humanity he struggles so hard to hang on to…he needs to leave it behind before he can move forward and it scares the shit out of me that he feels like he has to be this callous monster to protect himself because no one ever protected him as a child!"

Finally I stopped as I slapped a hand over my mouth, eyes wide and aching from crying to see Brandon staring at me with sad blue puppy dog eyes and I wanted to cry again…

I almost did when he pulled his hands away from mine and stood up, walking over to the window as he crossed his arms across his chest. He was quiet for awhile until I finally heard his raspy voice whisper, "I don't like the way I feel…most the time I just feel so…empty…like I'm filled up with nothin' and it's just void…sometimes anger is the only thing I can feel and I like it…I know it's fucked up but people was always so mean to me that it makes me feel good sometimes to scare them back…but I don't wanna like it…I wanna just learn to deal with it normally so I can live my life without that worry in the back of my mind that I'm gonna lose it and kill somebody…end up back in prison for life this time or on death row with the other monsters…when I'm thinkin' straight, I know I really don't wanna hurt nobody…I just wanna be left alone and not feel like everyone is out to get me all the time and I gotta always be peekin over my shoulder, ready to attack…but I don't know how to stop it…but I wanna stop it…can ya help me?"

My heart stopped beating as I waited for her answer…


	14. Chapter 14

**Wow, this one really came out fast…hope you guys enjoy.**

**Always Find Me Here by Transit (in my you tube faves)**

**Brandon's POV**

I hated scarin Brady but I was already nervous as fuck about today and when I started talkin bout my past and my mama, it just came out. It was a good thing, though cuz he needed to see it for himself. The two little incidents I had in front of him before were really tame compared to the shit that I've been known to do. He needed this little warnin that things could get a whole lot crazier if he decided to stick around.

He had some kinda false illusion that I was just this big ol' sweet puppy dog and I needed him to know the other side that reared it's ugly head without my permission. It wasn't right to keep the truth from him. I didn't wanna hide nothin so that hopefully he'd really understand how I was feelin and he'd understand why I said I wasn't ready yet.

So I was brutally honest and I could just feel the venom drippin from my tongue as I talked about that bitch…

And for a minute there, I was just caught up in the anger and the hate that everything about my past brought up in me…

Until that little tortured sob brought me back to the here and now…

_This is why I don't leave the house…shit…_

He's upset with me now…and I really don't like it…I don't want him to be mad at me but it's more important that he know the truth about me…I'm not no good…but fuck if I'm not gonna try my damnedest to be…

But I'm kinda at a loss so I just tell the ol' lady the truth and ask if she can help me…

I don't like askin for help and I hope Brady realizes how fuckin hard this is for me. Therapy is something I need, I know this but it still don't stop that naggin feelin that creeps up my spine bout somebody gettin all up in my shit…

Unlike little Em J, I'm not a very good sharer…never have been…don't like people askin bout me or wantin to know too much…

This buildin and these walls feels like they're closin in on me…I try starin out into the parkin lot so that I can calm down but I'm startin to get that trapped feelin…

Then I hear her voice with a hint of amusement, as she stands and starts hobblin over to me, "Yeah, I can help you, Brandon…I'm going to start by unlocking this window…"

Her frail little hand reaches up and turns the little knob then pushes it open as a gust of warm air rushes in. Then she smiles up at me as she pats my elbow where my arms are still crossed tight across my chest, "There you go…some fresh air to remind you that you're not trapped here…"

I furrow my brows at the strange ol' lady…she was tiny, barely 5'0 tall and a roly poly little thing but even after all that I said, she dared touch me with her fragile little hands that felt as thin as paper.

And how the hell did she know I was feelin trapped?

She chuckles and hobbles back over to her desk, "I'm pretty smart for an old lady and I've been doing this a long time. I'm good at what I do and if you can learn to trust me, then I'm positive I can help you learn how to deal with this anger and live your life. But it's going to take a lot of hard work…you're going to have to accept the fact that sometimes it will make you uncomfortable but I promise to never push you further than I think you can go and you can always change the subject if it's too much, okay?"

That seemed fair enough I reckoned…I had a real hard time trustin people but this little ol' lady seemed harmless enough so I'll try to do what she says.

_But be careful of what you say, boy, she can still call the cops…_

I dropped my arms to grip the window ledge and tried to just breathe in the air for a minute. Doctors made me nervous and this building made me nervous and I really didn't wanna be here right now.

"Brandon, are you okay? How are you feeling?"

My fingers dig into the ledge as I huff, "I just wanna get the fuck outta here…"

Her shoes squeak across the floor and I hear the door open and her voice, "Door's open, you can leave if you like…"

And it kinda pisses me off that she's already given up on me…doesn't surprise me though cuz I expect it…

_Well, fuck her and fuck this god damn shit…_

I don't look at Brady cuz I don't need that kinda guilt as I storm past them and I'm almost out the door when she sighs, "If you walk out that door, you're going to feel like this for the rest of your life, with me you've got a chance…"

And there it is…the truth plain and simple.

It's enough to stop me in my tracks cuz it's kinda my worst fear…that I'm gonna end up old and alone cuz no one will be able to put up with me for very long or that I'm gonna end up on death row…

Probably the latter…

I close my eyes when I hear her soft voice again, "This is what I meant when I said that sometimes you'd be uncomfortable…change isn't easy or everyone would change the things they didn't like about themselves but it's possible, especially with the right help and people who care, which it seems you have…I know you're a fighter, Brandon…fight for yourself this time…"

My fists are balled up beside me and I'm tryin so fuckin hard to just stop actin a'fool but I'm just feelin all riled up and crazy…

Then I feel his soft little fingers slide over my knuckles and my fingers twitch cuz I wanna grab them and hold on tight…slowly, he caresses my hand and rubs gently along my fingers, tryin to ease them open.

The feel of soft, puckered lips along my achin knuckles causes me to open my eyes and look down to see him pepperin my hand with sweet, soft kisses.

And all the fight in me just falls away as my palm opens and cradles his precious little cheek. He looks up at me with red rimmed, puppy dog eyes and I can't look away as they tell me everything I need to know…

_He loves you, jackass, now shut the fuck up, sit down and get through this fuckin shit… _

All the air leaves my lungs as I whisper, "Shit, I'm sorry…"

But he just tugs gently on my hand so that I sit down next to him, then he leans over and presses those soft lips to my cheek. His hands are holdin mine tight as he whispers, "It's okay, baby…I've got you…"

I feel kinda like a dick now for showin my ass and when the doctor walks in front of her desk and leans against it, I sigh, "I'm sorry."

Her dark blue eyes sparkle as she smiles sweetly, "A complex man, you are…fix you, we will…"

And I can't help the chuckle that escapes my throat as I ask, "Yoda?"

Now she and Brady both start giggling and the tension has eased a little as she shrugs, "I noticed your tattoo when I introduced myself…I saw, 'May the force be with you,' so I figured it was worth a shot…"

I kinda like that she noticed it…it means she pays attention.

"Are you ready to talk a little more?"

I take a deep breath and sigh, "Yes, ma'am."

Instead of sittin behind her desk, she plops down in the chair next to me and smiles, "Good…let's not talk about the past right now. Let's talk about the present. How long have you been out of prison?"

Closin my eyes and just concentratin on Brady's little soft fingers rubbin my palm, I sigh, "Um…bout a year and two months now…"

"And you haven't been in any legal trouble since you've been out, is that right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"So, what have you been doing? Are you working?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm doin' construction right now but I'm tryin' to get a job at a tattoo place…"

Then Brady sniffled but I could hear the smile in his voice, "He's an amazing artist! Really, you should see some of his work, it's brilliant!"

She offered him a tissue which he took with a sheepish smile before she turned her attention back to me, "Oh, an artist huh? Do you like to draw?"

Noddin my head, I looked down at our entwined hands but didn't say anything.

"Art can be a wonderful tool in expressing your emotions, Brandon. So, what do you do for fun? Or to pass the time?"

I shrugged, "Not much of nothin…I don't really leave the house…it's safer that way…"

She chuckled, "Well that may be, honey, but it isn't good for you to stay cooped up all the time…we're going to start working on that. Now, I'm going to be honest with you…Carlisle told me about your situation when he called me. I understand that your support system is going to be leaving in just a few days, is that right?"

It felt like all the wind was knocked outta me at that little reminder…these last few days had been the best of my life. I've smiled more in the last seven days than I have my entire life…but I was fixin to be alone again…

I'm always alone…have been my whole life…even as a kid cuz it's not like I could dump all the bullshit I was goin through on my little cousins, it was my job to protect them.

I nodded again but kept my mouth closed.

"Do you have any other family close by?"

Shruggin my shoulders, I sighed, "Uncle Wayne, Aunt Barb, and granny but we ain't really close…"

"Where were these people when you were little?"

Takin a breath, I lean my head back against the couch and just try to relax, "Uncle Wayne was in the military so he wasn't 'round much…Aunt Barb was just as wild as my mama till she got cancer a few years back…she's calmed down some now but she still don't really give a fuck…and granny's the meanest ol' lady I know…if she finds out I'm…I'm…a fag, she'll probably throw somethin at my head as she tells me to get the fuck out and never come back…"

Brady blew his nose, then looked up at me, all cute with his little red nose as he sniffled, "Would you ever call me a fag?"

I furrowed my brows and shook my head, "Fuck no, Brady…"

He sighed, "Then please don't call yourself one…"

I hadn't even realized that I might offend him…

"Sorry…I didn't mean to say it like that…"

He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles before he winks, "I won't let anyone talk bad about you, including yourself…and his support system will still be in tact…all of us will make sure of that…"

And I'm kinda glad that Brady has my back cuz he's mentally tough and strong willed…he's gonna need that to be with me.

She smiles, "I'm glad to hear that, though I never doubted it for one minute with Dr. Cullen at the helm…he's a good man…a loyal one and I know you're in good hands if he's part of your support system…"

I really do need to thank the man…

"Now Brandon, we don't have a lot of time left for today but I wanted to talk a little more about prison…would that be okay?"

My first instinct was to say 'fuck no' but I tried to remember what she said bout bein uncomfortable sometimes so I just nodded and closed my eyes.

"Can you tell me what your first day in prison was like? What you felt?"

And just like that, I was on the edge again, snappin, "How the fuck do you think I felt?"

But then I felt Brady jump and I immediately opened my eyes and groaned, "Fuck, I'm sorry…"

I let go of Brady's hands and leaned forward, puttin my head in my hands and takin a deep breath. He was a persistent little shit though cuz I still felt his hand on my thigh.

_Thanks Princess…_

I'm glad that they both just give me a minute and eventually I let out a breath and stare at the rug beneath my feet…gettin lost in the swirls of colors and comforting patterns…

"I was mad…mad that I got caught…mad that nobody was there in court with me when I got sentenced…mad that I was goin away and nobody really gave a fuck…I mean, Jeremiah cared but he was only 15 so it's not like he could even come see me…so I went in there knowin that I was on my own…I was used to it but it still pissed me off…"

"What was it like for you inside, Brandon? Did you join a gang?"

That made me chuckle as I shook my head, "Hell no I didn't join no gang…only one that would have me woulda been the skinheads and most every friend I ever had was another color so I wasn't joinin them assholes…but I did take up with a few fellas…"

I took a deep breath and slouched against the back of the couch again as Brady takes my hand. Flashin him a small smile, I lean my head back and close my eyes, knowin that I gotta be honest if I want this shit to work, "You asked me bout my first day there…it was the scariest day of my fuckin life and my life ain't been no picnic…sittin on that bus lookin out the window and seein nothin but dirt for miles and then all of a sudden you see these buildings and they look scarier than anythin out of a horror flick…my feet were shackled and my hands bound…you look around and see twelve other men there, tryin their damnedest not to look as scared as you feel…and you sit there, waitin for that gate to open and you know you can't run…they got you…"

His little hand squeezed mine and I sighed, "The first few days was a nightmare…you're always lookin over your shoulder, just waitin for some shit to pop off cuz it always does…my first fight happened three days in…you only get to shower three times a week and nobody tells you that the showers are divided up by race and gang so I stepped into the wrong one…I was eighteen and surrounded by men twice as old and twice as big as me…on the outside I was always the big one that nobody really fucked with…but on the inside, I was just the young one…I fought back as best I could but it was brutal…when I woke up in the infirmary it felt like I got run over by a truck…"

I keep my eyes closed but take a deep breath, concentratin on how soft his little hand feels on mine, "I was stabbed in my side, couple of broken ribs, a blow out fracture…but I remember the fuckin nurse smilin as she said I was lucky cuz there wasn't no tears in my anus so that meant I wasn't raped…I don't hit women but I wanted to hit that bitch cuz I didn't feel so fuckin lucky…it's just…I got my ass whooped by a bunch of naked guys in the shower…it was…humiliating…and…I sat in that hospital bed for two weeks till I was healed enough to go back and that whole time I just laid there and festered…I went from bein terrified to enraged by the time I got out…they'd have to kill me next time cuz I was comin for them and not God himself could've stopped me…"

My hands are shakin but Brady's holdin on tight and I don't wanna see what I'm bout to tell them play behind my closed eyelids so I open them and just stare straight ahead, tryin to focus on the bookshelf behind her desk.

"When I walked out into the yard, I was goin for blood…this older cat walked up and said he was a friend of my Uncle Wayne's…I recognized him from the shower, he was getting the guards before I blacked out…then he slipped a shank in my hand and said he'd have my back if I needed it cuz he was doin life anyway and didn't have shit better to do…I seen three of 'em right away, workin out by the weight bench…I came up behind one of 'em and…I plunged the shank in his throat 'fore pushin him down and goin for the other two…it happened really fast after that…I remember hittin one and knockin him over the weight bench before leapin over it, grabbin the empty bar, and swingin at the third one…I hit him right in the jaw and he went down but I still kept hittin him with that metal bar…then I was tackled and dropped the bar…we hit the ground, exchanging blows but I finally work my way on top and I got him…then the guard hit us with rubber bullets and we're all on the ground but I still manage to kick that fucker in the head a few times as the guards drag me away…"

I can hear Brady snifflin and I squeeze his hand a little to tell him I'm sorry but I really don't wanna look at him right now.

The Doctor speaks softly, "How did you feel then, Brandon?"

A humorless laugh escapes my throat, "I felt like big shit for about ten minutes till I was put in solitary for three months and told that I was gonna do my sentence day-by-day now…I got five years, woulda only done bout two and half but the fight revoked that shit and I was gonna do all five…but then I figured it didn't really matter…inside…outside…it all sucked so it didn't really matter what I did…the guy I stabbed ended up livin but he had to talk with one of them funky robot voice boxes…the guy I hit with the bar, lost an eye…the other guy, lost four teeth and the ability to eat solid foods for six months…if you think I felt bad for what I did, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I didn't…still don't…it is what it is and I did what I did…I don't feel bad about it cuz they don't deserve my guilt…trust me, I feel guilty over enough shit in my life but what I did on the inside I look at as survival…so if that makes me a monster then fuck it, call me Frankenstein…"

She smiled and raised an eyebrow, "It's funny you say that, are you familiar with the story of Frankenstein's monster?"

After all the shit I told her, I'm a little intrigued that she wants to tell me some story instead of getting on me for my lack of compassion and shit…

"The short version…a very egotistical person created a life and then left it alone and uncared for…he never even named it…they just called it a monster, Frankenstein's monster…this poor creature was unloved by his creator and he begged for a mate…someone to ease his loneliness but his cruel creator denied him…he was unleashed into a world that frightened him…a world he didn't understand and instead of helping him, everyone ran screaming…he was afraid of being alone and that fear, fueled by the madness of the world that outcast him, turned him violent…had he been shown love and compassion, the monster would've never been created…"

_Shit…that's kinda deep…_

She smiled, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering...Yoda said that, it's not mine…"

I chuckled a little and she leaned forward and patted my knee, "What I'm saying, Brandon, is you think that anger is your problem but your problem is fear. The fear causes the anger. You said yourself that going into prison was scary and you were alone…the fear of being alone, being outcast, being noticed too much or not enough, the fear of being humiliated or hurt…the world is filled with so many things that frighten us and you lash out like an angry child because you haven't learned how to deal with the fear…it's like throwing a temper tantrum but you're really big now and more destructive…if we can help you learn to deal with these things about the world and yourself that frighten you, then we can stop the anger and kill the monster that should have never been…"

And I'm kinda likin the doctor right now…

We talked a little longer bout things she wanted me to think about before the next session. She wanted me to find some kinda outlet for my physical aggression…boxin, workin out, sports…somethin that would wear me out till my arms were too tired to swing and the anger had faded.

She also wanted me to make an effort to get outta the house every day after they left, other than for just work, even if it was just havin a cup of coffee somewhere or takin a short walk. I promised to try.

And then she handed me a little piece of paper, "I'm prescribing you something for stress but I'm only giving you five pills at a time for now so I can monitor how much you're taking. Now these are not a fix, Brandon. They are only for when nothing else has worked and you feel like you can't take it. When you're out, call me and we'll talk about why you had to take them, if they helped, and I'll get you more if you need them…but keep in mind, that these can be habit forming and if I feel you're abusing them or using them as a crutch, I won't prescribe them anymore, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am…"

Last thing I wanted was to be some junkie too so I didn't worry too much about the pills.

"Alright then, you have my number so if you need anything, don't hesitate to call. I'll see you next week. Same bat time, same bat channel…"

That made me chuckle a little as we stood and headed for the door but then her voice stopped me, "Oh, hey Brandon?"

Turnin back around, I looked down at the tiny little woman in shock as she reached out and grabbed my free hand. Lookin up at me with a sweet smile, she nodded, "I enjoyed meeting you and I'm looking forward to getting to know you. You did real good today, honey…real good…"

I kinda liked it when she called me honey. So I smiled as I felt my cheeks heat up a little bit, "Um, thanks, Doc…"

Brady was beaming and I hoped that meant he wasn't all mad at me anymore. We walked out and Carlisle stood, "How did it go, son?"

I shrugged, "Good, I guess…"

Brady tugged on my hand and sighed, "Um, Carlisle, we're going to the restroom for a minute, okay?"

He just nodded and smiled, "Go ahead, boys, I'd like to catch up with Dr. Lorenzo for a moment anyway…"

_Uh Oh…_

I hoped he didn't wanna get me alone to tell me that he didn't wanna be with me or nothin no more…I mean, fuck, we only had a couple days left and if he didn't wanna spend them with me…

_Calm down, Brandon…deep breaths…_

My stomach was in knots as he drug me to the hallway and the nearest restroom. When the door shut behind me, he walked over to the counter and jumped up to sit as he pulled me close.

And I was able to breathe again as he yanked me down to him, throwin his arms around my shoulders and huggin me tight. Like a bolt of lightenin, my arms were around his waist, holdin on to him as tight as I could without hurtin him.

His breath was warm on my neck as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Brandon…I never should've freaked out this morning…you've been through so much, I didn't even realize how bad it was…you're just so strong…I'm just…God, I'm in complete awe of you…"

I pulled away and shook my head as I looked down at the ground, "You shouldn't be…you heard how bad I am…"

But then I saw his red rimmed eyes lookin up at me with a beautiful grin, "What I heard is a man that has survived horrendous circumstances and has lived to tell the tale. What I see is a man that has been drug through hell and back but yet he still stands…most people who have lived through the things you have, wouldn't care if they were good or bad. Everyone has a dark side, Brandon, but you recognize yours and you want to change it. Knowing that that kind of darkness haunts you, it just makes the light I've seen in you all week that much brighter. You're such a beautiful man, Brandon, inside and out. And whatever you need me to be, I'll be…friend, lover, confidante…whatever…even if I'm not right here beside you, I'll never stop being there for you…"

It was kinda amazin to me that such a little guy could make such a huge impact. I lifted my hand and rubbed his soft little cheek as he melted into my touch, "Brady, I…I just…"

Lettin out a breath, I smiled and leaned down to kiss his sweet lips, "Thank you…"

He kissed me back and all the tension I had just kinda melted away…

A few minutes later, we found Carlisle and made our way downstairs to wait for Esme to pick us up. Carlisle smiled at me as he squeezed my shoulder, "I'm proud of you son, the first session is always the hardest."

I raised an eyebrow, "You been to therapy before?'

He chuckled, his hazel eyes twinklin in amusement, "God yes, for years…mommy issues…"

That made me laugh, "Really? You too?"

Noddin his head, he shrugged, "No one's perfect, son."

Was it wrong that I was glad he had therapy? Cuz if a guy as good and put together as Carlisle had issues too then that meant that maybe I could be as good a guy as him if I really worked at it.

Esme finally pulled up and we hopped in and took off to the strip where the tattoo shop was. There was a Chuck E. Cheese down the street so they decided to take the kids there while I went to the shop. They didn't want me goin alone but I figured there was just some shit I was gonna have to do alone so I just needed to do it…

I walked along the street, thankful it wasn't that crowded with my portfolio tucked under my arm as I gave myself a mental pep talk…

_You can do this, Brandon…you're plenty talented enough…just don't fuck it up by sayin somethin stupid…_

Then I smiled to myself as I thought about how much I could use Brady's Disney Princess mirror right now…

"Yo B! Wait up!"

I turned and chuckled as I seen Jeremiah runnin up and fallin in next to me, "I figured I could walk with ya…wanna square? I bummed a couple from Jay…"

He handed me one he had tucked behind his ear and we both took a second to light up. Inhaling deep, the burn felt good and helped to calm my nerves a little as we continued walkin.

"So how'd it go with the doctor?"

I shrugged and exhaled, "Alright I guess…it's weird talkin bout my bullshit but she seemed okay…"

He chuckled, "You ain't never been much of a talker…"

Then he turned serious and looked over at me, "I'm sorry for not bein there these last few years, man…"

"You ain't gotta apologize, Cuz…you was busy tryin to get your shit together and you done real good…now it's my time I guess…so what's goin on with your baby mama drama?"

Groanin, he went on to tell me that Candace keeps callin him now, wantin to meet up so she can see JJ but she keeps makin hints at wantin him back…

"You seriously ain't considerin goin back to that bitch, are you?"

Chucklin, he rolled his eyes, "You _must _be fuckin crazy if you think I'd go back to that crazy bitch…even if I didn't have Alice, I wouldn't touch that pussy with someone else's dick…what was it that you used to call her?"

That made me laugh now as I looked over at him, "A prosti-tot…it's like a baby prostitute or hooker in trainin…"

He started laughin and shook his head, "I shoulda listened when you said she wasn't no good but I got my baby boy outta it so it was worth it…"

"Yeah, JJ's a blessin, Jeremiah…I wanna spend some more time with him 'fore ya'll go…I don't want him to forget me…"

"Pshh…how can he forget ya when I'm gonna be callin your ass every day to make sure you're doin somethin productive and shit…"

Then I heard his sweet little voice, yellin out loud, "Hey wait up! I can't run in these shoes!"

We stopped and chuckled as Brady came runnin up. Then he looked up at me with big cocoa eyes, "I know you said you needed to be alone but I want to be there…I'll wait outside with Jeremiah but I really want to be there, Brandon…is that okay?"

The boy was too sweet for words and did funny things to me…it was weird cuz when I was with him, I didn't feel like a broken down man…I felt like a kid in love…

I grinned and put my arm around him, huggin him to my side as he threw his arm around me and we started walkin.

"Yeah, it's okay, Princess…"

Jeremiah fell in step beside us and Brady was grinnin ear to ear as we walked along. People really didn't pay us too much attention and I was grateful for that.

When we finally got there, Brady and Jeremiah said they'd wait for me across the street at a little diner and I took one more deep breath before Brady tugged at my hand and smiled, "Hey, just relax, Brandon. You're brilliant and your work speaks for itself. Don't be nervous because you're insanely talented and she would be an idiot not to hire you. And if she doesn't, there are hundreds of other shops. So, no worries…just be yourself because you're amazing. Good luck, babe."

I couldn't stop myself from leanin down and kissin him as I whispered, "Thanks, Brady."

Then I punched Jeremiah in the shoulder, "You better keep an eye on my boy, Cuz…don't let nothin happen to him…"

Jeremiah chuckled, "Oh I'll keep an eye on him, Cuz…right on that fine ass of his…"

Brady smacked his arm before I got the chance and I just chuckled, "Mother fucker…"

When I walked in, the laughter faded and I was nervous again but I took a deep breath and manned the fuck up, "Is, um, Ms. Dunlap here?"

The boy behind the counter smiled, "Yeah hang on, she's in the back…"

He seemed friendly enough, probably around Brady's age and size but covered in tats and piercings. I took a minute to look through some of the photo books on the counter and there were some really talented people here.

"Well hey there, Brandon, right?"

I turned and saw her holdin out her plump hand with a smile and I took it gratefully, "Yes, ma'am…"

She gave it a little squeeze and pulled her glasses from her tank top where they were tucked into her cleavage.

"Call me, Lou Anne, sweetie…is that your portfolio?"

I nodded and handed it to her and she smiled, "Wow, this is really nice…"

Shruggin my shoulders, I scratched at the back of my hair and tried to smile, "Uh, Brady got it for me…"

She raised an eyebrow, "I was wonderin where the little feller was…"

My cheeks started to heat up but I grinned, "He's across the street at a diner waitin on me…my cousin's with him…"

Noddin her head, she started flippin through the book and she broke out into a beautiful grin, "Well, god damn, son, you're better than I thought you'd be…are these photos your work? I thought you said you hadn't done any real ink since you been out…"

I shoved my hands into my pocket and nodded, "Um, yes ma'am…my cousins and their friend let me practice on 'em…and took pictures and shit…I mean, um…stuff…"

She cackled in laughter and shook her head, "We cuss like sailors 'round here, boy…don't censor yourself for my sake…we need to loosen you up a little…you're wound up tight as a rattlesnake…c'mon, there's a bar across the street, we'll grab a drink and talk a little, I promise not to bite…"

A few minutes later, we were sittin in a rundown little bar with two beers, after I turned down her offer for somethin stronger. I took a sip and felt my cheeks heat up as I smiled, "I'm not much of a drinker…"

She smiled back, "Well that's a good thing, son…I don't mind ya havin a drink but no comin to work tipsy or drugs of any kind…is that somethin I need to worry about?"

I shook my head, "No, ma'am…I mean, Lou Anne…I'm on parole for four more years so I'm totally clean…"

"Good. I've been out ten years now and I gotta good thing goin…no drugs, nothin illegal…no violence…you been in any trouble since you been out?"

"No, ma…um, no…I'm doin my best to stay outta trouble…I don't wanna go back…"

Takin a pull from her beer, she set it down and looked over at me with a small smile, "Well you got talent, son, ain't no denyin it…I'd have to start ya out doin random bullshit 'round the shop that needs done, the front counter and cleanin, stockin…ya need to get your license to start inkin…I can help ya with that, it's just a few classes and shit ya need to take…"

Now I cringed, "Classes? I ain't really good at that…"

She just chuckled, "Trust me, honey, if I can pass 'em, so can you…now another thing, I only have a few employees and that means I need to be able to count on 'em to be there when they're supposed to be…I need ya to be reliable…you live close by?"

Shakin my head, I took a sip and cleared my throat, "Um, no but I'm lookin to move here real soon…if I get this job, I was gonna start lookin for a place…"

"A place for you and your boyfriend? Does he work 'round here?"

I fiddled with the label on the bottle and sighed, "No…he lives in Seattle…he's leavin on Sunday…"

Her face fell, "Oh, really? That must be hard…and you're stuck here, huh? That totally sucks, kid…"

"Yeah, it does…"

"Well you got your cousins, right? You got family here?"

Again, I shook my head and took a pull from my beer, "Um, no…they all live in Seattle…it's just me here…I got a couple relatives a few hours from here but we don't really talk…"

She was quiet for a minute as she studied her beer, lost in her own world before she sighed, "Yeah…I don't got no family that'll have me…my kids were seven and five when I went in…then twenty years passed and they don't want nothin to do with me…not that I can blame 'em…I got four grandbabies I ain't never even seen…I've tried talkin to them but they're just done with me…all I got is this shop and a few good friends I've made since I been out…it's funny cuz when you go in at such a young age it's like time just stops…then you start lookin in the mirror and see crows feet and gray hair and it's like you don't even recognize who you are cuz in your head, you're still that young kid that went in…you're just frozen in time but the world keeps goin on without you…I damn near shit myself when I got out and seen pictures of my babies…they was all grown up and it just didn't seem right, ya know? You ever feel like that? You couldn't have been very old when you went in…"

I understood exactly what she meant, "Yeah, I had just turned 18...was almost 25 when I got out. I just seen my cousins for the first time a few days ago and when my littlest one, Suzie, came runnin up to me…it didn't feel real…her and Jay were just babies the last time I seen 'em and now Jay's married and in college…gonna be a doctor…and Suzie's bout to graduate high school…I got me a nephew too, his name is JJ, well two really cuz they're kind of a package deal…but it's fucked up how much he reminds me of his daddy…I used to take care of him when he was little like that…I have to remind myself sometimes when I'm talkin to him, that he's JJ and not Jeremiah…it's…I don't know, surreal I guess…doesn't seem like I've grown up at all and everyone else just passed me up…'cept I know that ain't true cuz I can see the wrinkles 'round my eyes and feel the aches in my bones that didn't used to be there…"

She smiled sweetly and though you could tell she lived a rough life, her smile was nice, "Yeah…I get that…what about your boy? Ya'll been together long?"

I shook my head and kept peelin the label off my bottle, "No…we actually just met a few days ago but he's like…I don't know…he's really nice to me…and he's just one of them people that, ya know…_shine_…I wouldn't be here talkin to you if it wasn't for him…he makes me feel like maybe my life ain't over…like maybe I ain't stuck like this forever…he's…kinda amazin…I'm gonna miss him when he's gone…"

I don't know what it was about Lou Anne but I felt comfortable talkin to her…felt like maybe she really understood since she'd been through the shit herself…

Now she giggled and it was funny comin from such a big, tattooed, rough lookin woman, "Aww…you love him, huh?"

My cheeks were on fire as I smiled just a little…but then it fell and I sighed, "Yeah…I shouldn't…he's too good for me…but I just can't help it and _fuck _I wish I could…"

Her chubby hand landed on mine and gave it a squeeze. Her hands were calloused but comforting, "Why? He seems to care just as much for you…I mean, you're here, right?"

Closin my eyes, I let out a breath and spoke quietly, "Most people think of love as this wonderful thing…they picture flowers and rainbows…but everythin I've ever known of love is that it hurts…love is pain…people don't stick around forever and when they're gone you're just left with all this pain…sufferin…I wish I didn't love him cuz he's gonna leave and I'm gonna be left here…I was in love once before and I never had the balls to tell him that I loved him…then he was just gone without knowin how I felt…and ten years later, it's like I'm right back here, ya know? I can't tell Brady that I love him…it hurts too bad…so that's why I wish I didn't…cuz I know how bad it's gonna hurt when he leaves…"

We both just sat there quiet for a minute but her hand didn't leave mine and I thought it was kinda nice.

Then she threw back her beer and smiled, "C'mon, son…I got somethin I wanna show you…"

I downed the rest of mine and followed her outside. We walked back across the street to the shop but then went around to the side of the building and up some stairs. She pulled out a set of keys and smiled, "When I first got out, I rented this place from the man that owned the shop…he retired a few years later and I come in to some money from a settlement bout a car accident…anyway, I bought the shop and lived here awhile but I moved to a little house last year. This place has been vacant ever since…it's needs a lot of work and imagination but it could be a nice little place…"

She turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door. It was a studio apartment. There were some boxes strewn across the floor and probably six inches of dust and dirt but I smiled, "This is pretty big…it could be nice…"

She nodded her head and kicked some trash outta the way, "Yeah, I never did much with it but there's a big area over there for a bedroom and this here could be a nice little livin room…kitchen's small but everythin worked last I checked…there's a bathroom back here, c'mon…"

I followed her to the back of the place and she pushed the door open, "Bathroom's kinda small too but I did have one of them nice big tubs put in…I'm a big girl that likes her bubble baths…"

That made me chuckle and she smiled, "So, what'cha think? I'll let you stay here if you fix it up and clean…all you gotta pay is the extra utilities, you won't be makin that much till ya get your license then the sky's the limit and I think ya got the talent, kid, to do really well for yourself…"

My eyes went wide as she handed me the keys, "Holy shit, are you serious?"

She giggled again, "As a heart attack…I ain't got no use for it and someone gave me a break once…you know what this means, now don't ya?"

My hands were shakin as I took the keys and shook my head.

She smiled, "It means ya can't ever be late for work or I'll be up here to stomp a mudhole in your ass, got it?"

And then I was grinnin as I nodded, "I won't be…I promise…thanks Lou Anne…this is…like…you're trustin me and don't even know me…I don't even know what to say…"

Chucklin, she patted me on the shoulder and tossed her bright red hair, "People like us gotta stick together, kid…most people think I'm pretty scary too but really, I'm just a big ol' teddy bear…that bein said, don't piss me off cuz I can become an ol' grizzly bear if I need to…"

I laughed and nodded, "Really, thank you, Lou Anne…this means a lot to me…"

She smiled, "You're welcome…you can start movin in whenever you want but ya start work Monday mornin at 9am sharp…don't let me down, son…"

"I won't…"

We walked back down the stairs and I was practically bouncing with excitement like Brady…I couldn't wait to tell him…

And then when we rounded the corner, I saw the two SUV's and everybody standin outside the diner, waitin on me.

I looked over at Lou Anne and smiled, "Hey, uh…my family's right there waitin on me…would ya like to meet 'em? You don't have to but…"

She grinned, "Yeah, I'd love too, hon…"

They were tryin to look around all nonchalant and shit and I chuckled as we walked across the street, "Ya'll checkin up on me?"

Esme blushed, "Sorry, dear, I couldn't stay away…"

I smiled, "Well, hey, I'd like ya'll to meet Lou Anne…she's my new boss…"

Brady squealed and jumped in my arms before pullin away and grinning up at Lou Anne, "Thank you soooo much, Ms. Dunlap! You won't regret this, he's so talented…"

She grinned and nodded, "So are you…ya did a great job on his portfolio…and ya'll can just call me Lou Anne…"

Then Carlisle held out his hand, "It's so nice to meet you, Lou Anne…I'm Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife, Esme…our kids, Edward, Jasper, Jeremiah, Suzie, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice…you already know Brady, I presume…"

Chuckling she nodded, "Yeah, he's a little pistol, that one…"

Brady blushed but grinned and it was kinda cool to see everyone talkin to her…I really liked her.

"And these two little monsters are our grandkids, Em J and JJ…"

She crouched down to eye level and smiled, "Well hello there…your uncle Brandon told me about ya…"

JJ smiled, "I like your hair…it's the color of my fire engine…"

And Em J held out a half eaten breadstick, "Nummy?"

I watched as her eyes teared up a little and I figured she was thinkin bout her grandkids, "No, thank you, sweetheart…and thank you, I love fire engine red…it makes me look sassy…"

JJ giggled, "Uncle Beady's sassy too…he don't got red hair but he gots these red boots that come up real high like Superman…"

Everyone laughed and Em J pointed to the tattoo of red roses on her arm, "Dat purdy rose…like my mama…"

Then JJ started lookin at her arm too as he grinned, "I wanna tattoo, daddy!"

Jeremiah chuckled, "We'll talk about that in bout 15 years son…"

Lou Anne giggled and reached into her purse. Then she pulled out somethin and smiled, "I got these temporary tattoos for the kids that come in…if ya don't mind them havin them…"

Jeremiah and Emmett both nodded and she handed them to the kids. JJ beamed, "Cool! I got me a dragon, daddy, look!"

And Em J started to put his in his mouth when Rosalie picked him up and shook her head, "That's not a nummy, baby…"

Then he held it up and pointed at it as though he was scoldin it, "Dat no nummy!"

Lou Anne stood and smiled, "Well, it was nice meetin all of ya'll but I better get back to work…I'll see you Monday mornin, Brandon…ya'll take care…"

Everyone said there good byes and then I was pounced on by Brady and Suzie, both huggin my neck and telling me how proud they were of me…

Then Alice smiled, "Now we've got to find you an apartment close by…"

I pulled away from Suzie and Brady and fished the keys outta my pocket, "Actually, I already got that covered…ya'll wanna see?"

Honestly, I don't remember ever bein happier than I was to show them all that dirty, small apartment that was all mine…

The girls and Brady began to make plans immediately to start cleanin so that they could paint in the mornin and it'd be dry by tomorrow night. I was on a month-to-month lease with my other place so all I had to do was get my shit out and drop the keys off. And luckily, I didn't have much shit…

They were all talkin and I just started feelin all anxious…things was runnin at the speed of light and I couldn't have been happier about it but honestly, it was a little scary too. So while they were all makin plans, I snuck outside to get a little air and try to shake it off.

I leaned against the brick building and looked down the street at all the shit around me. I was in the city now…last time I had been livin here, I was sleepin in alleys…ten years later and I was back and even if I wasn't sleepin in the gutters anymore, I was still scared as hell…

There were so many people…all kinds of shops and restaurants…I might still be lonely but I wasn't ever gonna be alone…

"Hey…"

I jumped and Emmett held up his hands with a big, goofy grin, "Sorry, dude…I had to get away…"

He chuckled low and deep and I smiled, "Too much?"

Leaning next to me against the building, he nodded with a dimpled smile, "Yeah…I love them to death but they're all insane…especially when they have a project…they're my family though so I've learned to embrace the madness…at least it's always fun and never dull…"

I sighed, "Yeah…you're really lucky to have 'em all so close…"

We were quiet for a minute, when finally he smiled, "Hey, I saw this gym just down the street…looks like a little boxing place so it didn't look too crowded…wanna go check it out? I don't get to work out much now with school and work and the baby…"

"Um…okay…"

Emmett didn't seem to talk much either so I was kinda surprised he was makin an effort to talk to me. But it was kinda nice cuz I knew how much Brady thought of him so I was hopin we could be cool.

We walked in and an old man walked up to us and told us to go ahead and check the place out and holler if we had any questions or if we wanted to join.

And for awhile, we didn't really talk…we just hit stuff…heavy bags, punchin bags and shit…

Once we were both drippin sweat and pantin, we stripped off our shirts to wipe our faces and I grabbed us a couple bottles of water from the vendin machine.

He was sittin on a weight bench and I handed it to him and sat across from him on another machine.

"Thanks, man…"

I just nodded and downed about half of it…it felt good to be so drained…to feel so worn out…the tension was kinda gone now.

So I took a deep breath and looked over at him with a grin, "So how did you and Brady become such good friends? Ya'll just seem so different…"

He took a long drink and let out a breath as he grinned back, "Yeah you guys seem really different too…"

Then he shrugged, "I don't know…we had all hung out a lot at Rosie's mom's house, drinking and shit…this one night I was still awake after everyone crashed…I went outside to get some air because it was close to the anniversary of my mom's death and I had been thinking about her all day…then Brady came out and asked if I was okay…I shrugged him off and said I was fine but then he just came over and gave me a hug…it shocked me at first 'cause I was on the football team with guys I had been friends with for years and they would've never given me a hug…not even when she died…anyway, he was so little and it reminded me of my mom's hugs and I just started crying…we ended up staying up all night talking about our families and our lives and really, we weren't that different. We might like different things…have different interests…but we feel the same about a lot of things…"

I sighed, "Yeah…us too."

He smiled a little then frowned, "I used to get so pissed off when people would call him names in school…they called him a sissy and I remember thinking that he was tougher than 90% of the boys in that school…Brady's like a little brother to me…I love him and I don't want him to get hurt…he told me that you said you weren't ready to be serious with him yet and I gotta admit, it pissed me off…but then I think of you with that knife and I'm glad you were honest with him…you're not ready for a relationship with him but if you wanna be with him, get that shit under control, man…he deserves to be with a guy that doesn't make him worry or scare him half to death…"

Emmett was a good guy.

Noddin my head, I let out a breath, "Yeah I know he does…and that's why I'm goin to therapy and tryin to get my shit together…I wanna be good for him cuz I love him too, Emmett…"

Now he grinned with deep dimples, "Aww, you love him! Dude, that's awesome! But seriously, get your shit together and don't hurt him or I'll kick your ass…"

I chuckled and held up my hands, "I won't, man…and uh, don't tell him, okay? I don't wanna tell him till I feel like it's right…hopefully in six months from now, I'll be in Seattle a changed man and he'll still want me…"

He nodded as he grinned, "I really hope you are, Brandon…and I know he will…"

We grabbed our shirts and tossed the bottles away. I told the old man I'd probably be back next week to join so I'd have a place close by that was small and not crowded to let off steam when I needed it.

When we got back to the apartment, Brady and Esme were already cleanin while everyone else scattered to shop for cleanin supplies, get dinner and Carlisle was gonna take the boys back to the hotel.

Emmett and I walked in and Brady raised an eyebrow, "Um…you boys okay?"

We grinned and nodded before I picked him up and he squealed bout how sweaty I was but I didn't care, I pulled him close and kissed him anyway…

I'd clean out my other place tomorrow and call my old boss in the mornin to tell him I found another job…and I'd have to say good bye to Angel…

"I found an old clock radio, do you want to keep it? Well, let's see if it works…"

Esme plugged in the old radio and the sounds of Hotel California came blarin outta the little speakers…

I chuckled, "Keep it…"

Well maybe I wouldn't have to say good bye to Angel, cuz somehow I got the feelin that he was already here with me…

I didn't feel alone...especially with Esme singin and sweepin, Brady shakin that little ass of his while washin the windows and Emmett helpin me carry out the trash...

So I was just gonna enjoy it for awhile and let myself be happy 'fore the world fell apart again...but for now, I was really hopeful...


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm sorry for such a long wait, we went through a merger at work and I was working 7 days a week, 12 hour days so I just couldn't get much else done. Everything is back to normal now so there shouldn't be any long waits like that again (fingers crossed). I hope you enjoy the chapter, it's a long one. And for those who have been asking, we've got one, maybe two more chapters before Brady heads back home to Seattle.**

**Brady's POV**

When the doctor talked about fear, it struck a chord in me…I was petrified of being in love with Brandon. Not because loving him is a bad thing, but because being in love with him was undoubtedly going to be the most painful experience of my life.

I was terrified at how fast I fell for him…and it seemed to be bottomless…like I was free falling faster and faster…my heart racing, my head spinning…out of control…I was so out of control because just the thought of leaving in a couple of days stole the air from my lungs.

The way I acted over Joshua seemed so ridiculous now because I couldn't even imagine how I was going to feel getting on that plane and leaving Brandon behind.

It would be like splitting me in two…and not in the good way like that big dick of his does…

_Distract yourself with pornographic thoughts, Brady…_

What a fabulous idea…

I wiped the dirt and dust from the window and saw his reflection behind me…he was wearing his jeans and work boots but his shirt had long been forgotten…

_Good riddance, mother fucker…_

He was cleaning the ceiling fan and I had to bite my lip to keep from groaning out loud at the way his muscular chest was stretched taut…the definition of his abs and pecs, covered in a light, glistening sheen of sweat only added to the tantalizing perfection of his body…his well defined arms, displaying puzzle pieces to his life, hidden under sinfully sexy dark shades of ink…the perfect scar on his right eyebrow…the scruffy chin and messy blonde hair…those clear baby blue eyes that could change to steel gray in a heartbeat…

The man was a work of art.

And then I noticed through the reflection on the window that he was glancing over at my ass…

_Holy testicles, Batman , he just adjusted himself…_

_Ugh…okay, you really need to pull yourself together and get this shit done, Brady, so you can spend as much time as humanly possible molesting the sinfully bad but __**oh so fucking good **__Whitlock boy…_

I giggle and just shake my head at my ridiculous train of thought before I return to helping clean.

_The sooner you get this done, the sooner you can be bouncing on his big Whitcock…_

_Good grief, I have problems… _

A few hours later and the place is extraordinarily clean, I mean the bald, _obviously gay, _Mr. Clean guy would be singing Hallelujah and skidding across the floor like Tom Cruise in Risky Business...

It was close to midnight when we were done and heading back to the hotel. After a little side excursion to Taco Bell, we decided that Brandon would just stay overnight with us at the hotel. Then we'd all get up in the morning and the guys would head to his place to help him get moved while the girls went to his new apartment to start painting. And for once, I decided to hang out with the boys…I mean, they would all most likely be sweaty and shirtless…

_Yeah, like I was going to pass that up…being a boy has its advantages…_

Suzie was a sweetheart and decided to go to her mom's house with Jeremiah and Alice tonight so that Brandon and I could have our own room. I was anxious to get him alone. So much had happened today and I really wanted to talk to him about it…I needed to know that he was okay with how fast everything was moving.

And I wanted to fuck his brains out in the garden tub…

And on the bed…

And maybe against the wall…

Because I may be a bit of a slut but I'm not stupid and I was going to have this beautiful man as much as I could take him…I wanted to make sure I could still feel him all the way in Seattle…

We said our good nights to everyone and I took a breath as I pushed open the door. He followed in behind me and I let him pass so I could lock the door and turn on the lights.

I turned and took a deep breath as those crystal clear blue eyes looked down into mine. He was standing there, his fingers hooked in his jeans, his shirt off and lying over one shoulder as he smiled a big beautiful dimpled grin.

I smiled back as I walked over to him, maybe adding just a little more sway to my hips than necessary, "So, um…"

But then there was a knock on the door connecting my room with Rose and Em's. Eddie and Jay had a room that connected with Carlisle and Esme. Sighing, I smiled up at him, "Hang on a sec…"

I opened the door to see Rosalie standing there with some folded clothes in her hand, "I thought Brandon might want some clean clothes so I have a pair of Emmet's sweatpants and a t-shirt…oh and remember to lock this door, you know the boys will probably be trying to sneak over here in the middle of the night…"

Taking the clothes, I nodded, "Okay, thanks Rose…"

Then she smirked and nodded back, "Have fun boys…good night…"

Locking the door behind her, I turn to look back at Brandon and smile, "So, um…do you want to take a bath with me?"

He chuckled, "I ain't took a bath since I was little…ya wanna just take a shower?"

I had never particularly felt that sexy…but being with Brandon was different. I knew he wanted me…

I was well aware that today at the therapist was excruciating for him but he didn't hold back and hide that monster away from me anymore…he let me all the way in, full and total honesty because he truly wants to get better.

And one of the biggest reasons he is pushing himself so hard and so fast is because he wanted to be with me openly instead of treating me like a dirty secret while I was here. Even if we weren't 'technically' together when I left…I wasn't going anywhere.

So I used my 'adorable' little gay boy powers and walked slowly over to him, a definite sway to my hips as I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it. Then I stopped in front of him, my bottom lip stuck out in a little pout as I looked straight up at him, batting my big brown eyes for the complete effect, "Please…"

He sighs but he can't stop grinning as his cheeks go red and he plops down on the bed to begin removing his boots, mumbling, "Evil little twink…"

I go and start running the bath water, adding a little of Suzie's coconut bubble bath and laying out some towels for us to dry off with. Then I plug in the little clock radio from the nightstand and turn it on, finding some classic rock station that I know he'll like to play softly in the background.

When he walks in, naked as the day he was born, I smile and hold out my hand for him, "I think, after the day you've had, that you deserve a little pampering…"

Taking my hand, he grins with pink cheeks, "Yeah?"

With a small nod, I smirk, "Yep, so come on, daddy, and let me help you in the tub…"

I help him in while he chuckles, "I like that way too much…"

Grabbing Suzie's pink bath pillow, I position it underneath his head and he's laughing but I don't care…it's really nice to see him so happy.

So I start to take off my jeans when his voice stops me, "I've been waitin all damn day to find out what kinda underwear you got on…let me savor it, Princess…take 'em off slow…"

My cock twitched at his words, the playful desire rolling off his tongue igniting a spark in me that I had never really felt before.

Confidence.

Real confidence because he always made me feel so sexy…it was a powerful feeling that I could become quickly intoxicated on.

Cocking my head to the side so that some of my shiny black hair fell over my eyes, I bite my lip and look up from underneath my lashes as my hand trails down my stomach. Slowly my fingers trail down my zipper as his eyes grow heavier but when I grasp my hardening cock through my jeans, he groans and I see the water ripple as his dick jumps in anticipation.

That only spurs me on and I let go of my lip and give him a sassy little smirk as I take my time, unbuttoning my jeans and slowly pulling down the zipper. I watch as his hand slips underneath the water, and mine slips underneath the band of my underwear, stroking myself leisurely, just like he is…

I love the affect I'm having on him and when I'm starting to get really hard, I remove my hand and slide them underneath the denim of my jeans. Turning around, I wink at him over my shoulder as I shimmy my jeans down over my ass, revealing my special undies that I know he'll get a kick out of…

His laughter makes me grin as I shake my ass and chuckle, "You like?"

Across my ass are two long light sabers, in an X with the words 'Wanna come to the Dark Side?' written over them.

Now he chuckles as I watch him stroke himself, the red tip glistening as it bobs out of the water, "Daddy likes…"

We're both giggling as I slide them all the way down and kick them off before sauntering over to the tub. My cock was hard as I dragged it along the edge until I was next to him, then I smirked as I lifted a leg over and straddled him standing. He was looking up at me with heavy blue eyes as my dick twitches just inches from his dark pink lips…

He starts to reach out for it but I shake my head and smile as I sit down on his lap, his hard cock sliding along my ass. The water feels so good and along with his strong body beneath me, I let out a satisfying sigh as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.

Resting my head on his shoulder, I smile up at him, "Bath feels good, huh?"

Leaning down, he kisses my forehead and then lays his head back on the bath pillow with a heavy sigh, "So fuckin good…"

We lay there for awhile and relax until I eventually begin to pamper him some more by slowly washing his body and hair. I introduce him to the wonderful world of the loofah and coconut scented body wash and he grins as I scrub his feet, "Why are you so good to me?"

Rubbing his toes underneath the water, I smile as I look up at him, "You're supposed to do nice things for the people you care about…"

His foot tickled my side as he grinned, "You're a real sweetheart, Brady."

I giggled, wrestling his giant foot away before crawling back up that mountain of a body and settling on his stomach, arms wrapped around his neck and nose nuzzling into his cheek, "So…are you going to let me in on what's going on inside of that head of yours? You've been really quiet…are you okay?"

His eyes closed as he held me close, "Yeah, I'm okay…a little nervous and shit 'bout how everythin' is changin'…but I'm excited too…Lou Anne was real cool…"

And just like that, he started telling me about his talks with Lou Anne and Emmett and all the scattered emotions he had been feeling all day…up and down but how the day was ending on a real upswing…

We talked about all the ways we could stay in touch when I went back home…

"You need an Xbox and a computer…we all get online and play video games all the time and with Skype we can see each other…"

His cheeks tinged pink as he chuckled, "What the fuck is a Skype? And the only video games I ever played was Super Mario and Pac Man…you do realize I just learned how to text two months ago…"

That made me smile as I went on to tell him about all the marvelous advances in technology and that I would give him a crash course on them after we had him all up to date.

Then we talked about…other things…

"I always wanted to get a motorcycle and just ride up and down the coast…Angel used to say that I could visit him in Hollywood cuz he was gonna be a big star…he never said he'd go with me though, just that he'd take a ride…"

"I'd go with you…"

"Yeah?"

Nodding my head, I grinned, "I've never really been anywhere other than Forks and Seattle…but I think I'd be willing to go anywhere with you…"

He grinned back, "I'd take ya anywhere ya wanna go…ya know, when I can leave the state…"

.

.

.

"You don't know how to drive?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I sigh as I sweep the wet hair from my forehead, "Nope, never really had a reason to learn. I've never been able to afford a car and my friends have always taken me anywhere I need to go…"

"Every man should know how to drive, Brady…being able to just take off and drive anywhere ya wanna go is like the best feelin' in the world…probably even better in a car that's not stolen…"

I chuckled and smacked his chest as I rolled my eyes, "I should hope so…"

.

.

.

"God, Brandon, I can understand why you're so angry at her…I get angry at my mom too but there has to be a way past it…I really liked the Doctor…I think she can help…"

He let out a long sigh, "Yeah, I hope so…"

.

.

.

"You play the guitar? Why did I not know this?"

Chuckling, he shrugged his big shoulders, "I ain't played since I was a kid…may not even be able to much no more but I used to be pretty good…"

"Wait a second, I remember Jay saying something about playing in a band that his cousin used to play for…oh my God, was that you?"

An adorable blush stained his cheeks as he grinned, "We wasn't much of a band back then, just played around in my buddies garage to take my mind off all the other shit in my life…they tried to get me to sing but fuck that shit…anyway, that was 'fore mama kicked me out…"

Without thinking, I blurted out, "When I was in the second grade, I got the lead vocal in our Christmas program…I sang, 'All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth'…"

Now he laughed, deep and rumbling, "That's so fuckin adorable, Brady…"

My cheeks were bright red as I smiled, "Maybe if you play for me, I'll sing for you…"

With a nod, he chuckled, "I'd play for you…but only you…"

.

.

.

"C'mon, Princess, show me them guns…"

My whole body was red but I couldn't stop grinning, "No way, I'm too little…I don't have a body like you…"

Running his wet, course hands up my chest, I broke into goose bumps as he leaned forward, pressing those dark pink lips to my damp neck, "I think you're fuckin sexy, Brady…"

I loved it when he called me sexy…because when he said it, I believed it.

He was growing hard against my ass as he trailed slow, wet kisses over my shoulders and down my arms causing me to giggle breathlessly as I flexed for him. He smiled as he licked his way across my practically non existent muscles, "See, you got guns, baby…"

Rolling my eyes, I chuckled, "Nerf guns maybe…"

Splashing me, we both laughed until he finally wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, hands squeezing my ass as he moaned softly, "Mmm…shit, you're still hot as fuck, Brady…"

Squeezing his waist with my thighs, I rolled my hips slowly against him, marveling at the way his breath stuttered and pretty blue eyes rolled back.

Now I've been high a few times in my life and let me tell you…it's nothing compared to the daze that he wraps me in…it's magical and mystical…that feeling of raw heat bursting out goose bumps along your flesh into shuddering chills…tingling _everywhere_…desire fanning the flames with every desperate whimper or trembling, sweaty touch…

His open mouth on my neck, the heat of his soft grunts had me tossing my head back, confession just pouring from my lips, "God, Brandon, I've been waiting all day for this…never wanted anything so bad…can't get enough of you…"

The water rippled around us as he juts up against me, rasping out along my skin, "_Fuck_…hold on, Princess…"

Then he holds me tight with one arm while he pushes himself up to his feet, bringing me with him as I gasp and dig my slippery, wet fingers into his back and shoulders.

Our chests are beating rapidly, shallow breaths an easy indication of the desperation we we're feeling as our mouths sought for skin, unable to wait for silly things like drying off or going to the bed.

But once we're out of the tub, he grabs a towel from the counter and wraps it around my shoulders as he whispers against my lips, "Are you cold? You're shiverin…"

Shaking my head, I let out a breathless laugh as I grip onto his shoulders even tighter, "You're making me shiver…"

Sitting me on the counter top, I feel my back hit the mirror, separated by only the thin towel as his hands go to my hips and his lips along my neck. Opening my legs wider, I scoot forward and pull him into me so that I can feel his still damp skin, hot against my own.

Now he's trembling as our cocks slide together, one hand on the foggy mirror behind me while his fingers on the other hand caress the soft skin underneath my thighs. His skin is sticky hot as I dig my fingers into the muscles of his back and over his shoulders, loving how they twitch and flex each time he pushes wantonly against me.

I am now aware why Eddie and Jay keep lube hidden all over their apartment because it's no where near close enough.

So I do what any boy would do, I spit in my hand and then wrap it around our cocks, rubbing the wet, swollen heads together as we both gasp. My hand isn't quite big enough to really work us both but then his fingers are laced with mine, controlling the hard, fast movements.

Our breaths become more shallow as we grunt and gasp and moan but then I realize that I don't want to cum like this so I simply rasp out, "Fuck me, Brandon, _please_…"

Pulling away with a gasp, he takes a few breaths before setting me to the ground then taking my face in his hands as he leans down and kisses my swollen lips, "Go get the stuff ready, I'll be there in a minute…"

Humming against his lips in affirmation, I'm still dazed when I pull away and practically take off running into the bedroom. Rifling through my bag, I grab a strip of condoms and a bottle of lube, tossing them on the bed and my lips curl into a wicked smirk as I toss my favorite dildo up there too.

Then I crawl onto the bed, watching him emerge from the steamy bathroom in only a towel, his wet hair messy as it hangs down past his chin.

He grins when he sees my toy and I lick my lips as he drops the towel and kneels on the bed between my legs. His cock is a thing of beauty as it juts out from his body, long and hard and thick…the head swollen and purple, leaking onto his hand as he squeezes it roughly.

"Show me how you do it, Brady…"

With a devious smile, I uncap the lube and pour some in my hands as I watch his cock twitch and his tongue peek out to lick the drool from his bottom lip. I make a show of it pinch and roll my nipples with one hand while I slip a wet finger inside of me. There's really no pain any more as I begin stretching myself, writhing against my fingers as I slip another inside.

He's lazily stroking himself, his chest heaving and eyes heavy with lust as he watches me like he wants to devour me.

So I decide to tease him even further, picking up the dildo and wrapping my lips around it as I finger myself. Moaning around it, I'm surprised when my cock is wrapped in warm wetness and the vibrations of his soft grunts and whimpers cause my hips to buck up into his mouth. He swallows around my cock as it throbs and twitches violently from the unbelievable sensation.

Unable to take much more, I drop the dildo from my lips and tangle my hand in his hair as I cry out, "Ahhh…Brandon, God, baby…ugh…"

His hand is pushing up my thigh again, exposing my ass he pulls my hand away, pinning it against the bed as he starts kissing and nipping at the base of my thighs. I almost scream out for him to put my cock back in his mouth when I feel the blunt head of the dildo pushing inside me.

I can no longer form words because the sight of him pushing the toy inside me and his flushed face watching with rapt attention is almost too much to take. And I'm so close as my toes curl, my fingers clenching the blanket beneath me…

Until I am being rolled over.

Gasping as his body is suddenly underneath mine, I straddle his big body as he still pushes the dildo in and out of my tight hole and soon, I'm fucking it with abandon. My eyes are shut tight but I know he's watching me lose control and that just makes it all the more better.

He seems to know exactly where my sweet spot is and by the time I throw my head back in ecstasy, I'm cumming free handed all over his cock and stomach as I clench around the dildo.

There is not a moment to recover when the toy is removed and I hear the tear of the foil wrapper. My eyes open to see his staring at me with such intensity and desire that I fight against the weakness in my arms and the shallow breaths to give him everything I have, until I am nothing but a pile of sated, sticky flesh and bone.

I feel the much bigger blunt head of his cock as pushes past the ring of muscle and driven by mad lust, I drive myself back onto it as he thrusts his hips up. I cry out as he growls a string of curse words, his fingers digging into my hips and his knees up as he pounds into me recklessly.

I've never felt so powerful because I know that I'm the one driving him mad with need. So I take a deep breath and focus on those pretty eyes as I decide to take control. Reaching down, I pry his fingers from my hips as I lace them with my own and push them back against the bed, on either side of his head.

He is breathing so hard and so fast that I know he's dangerously close but I want to prolong it as long as possible…keep him inside me until the very last second…

Lying against that heaving chest, I hold his hands down, and begin slowly writhing against him…rolling my hips, pulling almost all the way off of him before sliding back down. My cock was growing hard again as it rubbed against the taut muscles of his belly, the soft hair making it tickle and tingle with every drawn out stroke.

He was digging his feet into the bed as his head thrashed on the pillow, moaning softly while allowing me to have full control.

There had never been anything more beautiful than the big, strong man beneath me, turning into mush as I made love to him.

Because that's what this was…we were no longer fucking, we were making love. The realization caused me to shudder as his baby blue eyes opened, looking at me with complete adoration and trust as I sought to give him everything I had.

Letting go of his hands, they quickly came to my face as he pulled me in for a kiss. My hands tangled in his hair as I continued to ride him, slow but hard.

His coarse hands trailed down my shoulders, along my back…his gentle, loving touch making me see stars as he broke from the kiss with a shuddering gasp.

Eyes rolling back, breath stuttering, cheeks flushed as his back arches and I feel him pulsing inside me.

I continue with the soft rolling of my hips, knowing that I'll keep him hard because I'm not a religious boy but I'm praying that he's not done with me yet…because I am still addled with yearning for him.

It's a thirst that I doubt will ever be sated.

When his eyes open, they're still dark with longing as he stares at me for a moment. I brush the sweaty strands of dirty blonde locks from his forehead so that I can see his beautiful face.

And it's on the tip of my tongue…

_I love you…I love you so much…_

Overwhelmed by emotion, I close my eyes from the intense gaze so that I can keep myself from blurting out those words that eek to drip from my tongue…

His hand is on my cheek, pulling my lips to his as he rolls us over, still moving slowly inside of me. Once I'm on my back, his big, strong body is covering mine, making me feel so safe and warm…

Moments later, he broke from the kiss with a shallow breath as he sat back on his knees, pulling out of me gently. I open my eyes and watch him as he slides off the condom, ties it up and tosses it in the waste bucket beside the bed.

Our eyes never leave one another grabs another one, rips it open, and rolls it down his still hard cock as it bounces and rubs against mine.

His hands are shaking and I wonder if he feels the way I'm feeling…if the connection is as real and as intense to him…like something I've read in books or seen in movies but have never come close to experiencing…a tethering bond, bound with such passion and yearning that no words are really needed…

My body is jello but I have to have more of him…need him inside of me to breathe…

He coats his cock and rubs the wetness against my puckering hole, greedy for his touch. Laying back down over me, our lips our ghosting one another's as we just look into each other's eyes, lost in unsaid emotion…

Whispering against my lips, "Are you okay?" I nod and wrap my arms underneath his, grasping his back as my fingers dig into his skin, begging him to fill me again.

And he does, as I open my mouth to his, tasting his tongue as it pushes desperately against my own. I feel him inside me everywhere…there is not a part of me this man doesn't possess.

My cock is being rubbed viscously slow and hard between our stomachs, the contrast creating the most amazing cocoon of tenderness and strength.

Our bodies are damp with sweat, muscles twitching and aching but the force much too strong to ever stop.

His hands are everywhere…sliding along my arms, scratching at my sides, along my stomach to my hips and slipping down underneath my thighs, hitching my leg up in an effort to get just a little deeper inside of me…

It's too much…too much pleasure…too much desire…and I just can't hold on…

My body shakes as I cum against the taut muscles of his stomach, I dig my fingers into his heated skin in an effort to keep from falling into oblivion as I am wrapped up in complete bliss…

Whimpering into his mouth, he pulls away with a moan and buries his head in my shoulder. His shuddering breaths, hot against my neck, fingers clenching me in desperation as I can feel him cumming inside of me, hot and hard…and for a moment all I can think of is the day when I'll get to feel him without the thin barrier…

For what seems like an eternity, we just cling to each other, riding out the waves of this blinding euphoria until we both just collapse…

I shudder when he eventually pulls away from me but I'm much too drained to hold on…I barely remember the feel of him running the cool damp cloth against my hole but I could never forget the way it felt when he slipped my sleep shorts up over my legs and then cuddled in behind me, wrapping me up in his arms…

My whole life I've felt like I was wandering aimlessly…and for the first time, I knew how it felt to be home.

I was awoken in the middle of the night by a soft knock on the door. But before I could get my eyes open, I felt the bed dip as Brandon got up and I kept quiet as I watched him walk to the connecting door and open it, revealing a pajama clad JJ and his favorite blue blankie.

He rubbed his eyes and looked straight up as he whispered, "I gotta go potty, Uncle B…will ya turn on da light, I can't reach it…"

Brandon broke out into a grin as JJ shuffled past him to our bathroom. He followed the sleepy boy and flipped on the light, "There ya go, little man…do you, uh…got this?"

I had to stifle a chuckle as he leaned against the doorframe with a concerned look on his face. JJ just nodded, "Yup, hold my blankie…I got dis…"

Now I know JJ well enough to know that he doesn't need to go potty…he just wants to sleep with us. So it doesn't surprise me when I barely hear a tinkle then his happy voice, "All done…'kay, Uncle B, pick me up so I can wash my hands…"

Brandon chuckled and when JJ pulled his pajama pants back up, Brandon picked him up to let him wash his hands. Then he made the mistake of setting him back down.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to smile as I heard the patter of his little feet running and then the bounce of the springs as he jumped up on the bed, "I just sleep with you guys tonight, Uncle B…"

Brandon chuckled as he sat down next to JJ while he continued to snuggle up in the middle of the bed, "Um, I don't know if you're allowed to sleep in here, JJ…"

JJ yawned and snuggled his bottom up against my back as he got comfortable, "It's cool, Uncle B, me and Em J have sleepovers all the time…"

I felt Brandon lay down and sigh, "But I don't know…"

Then I heard JJ's soft little voice, "Shhh…you had a long day, Uncle B…let's get some rest now…good night, don't let the bed bugs bite…"

Poor Brandon had no idea what he was up against so I finally turned over and wrapped my arms around JJ, giving him a tickle as I laughed, "How'd this little monster get in my bed?"

Brandon grinned and JJ giggled loudly as he tried to get away, "I not a little monster, Uncle Beady…I'm good…"

I smirked and raised an eyebrow at the little munchkin, "Oh? You were trying to honey fool your Uncle Brandon…"

He giggled, "Nuh uh…I was just lettin' him know bout our sleepovers…"

And then I heard little Em J running to the bed, his stuffed piglet dragging behind him until he lifted his arms, "Me too! Me up der…me sweep over too!"

So I lifted him up and him and JJ cuddled up between us, giggling as I leaned on an elbow and raised an eyebrow, "Okay, you two, what are the rules?"

JJ smiled, "No kickin…no talkin when it's bedtime…"

Em J giggled, "Me no toot, Uncle Beady…"

Brandon started laughing now as I smiled, "That's right, no tooting and try not to drool on me…"

JJ laughed as he cuddled up to Em J, "Can't make no promises, Uncle Beady…"

The boys settled in and Brandon looked over at me, raised up on his elbow as he whispered, "Brady, are you sure this is okay? I don't wanna piss off Emmett and Rose…"

JJ whispered, "Don't say piss, Uncle B, it's a dirty word…"

I tickled his little side and smiled, "And don't you say that dirty word, young man…now it's time to go to sleep, we've got a big day tomorrow…"

JJ yawned and closed his sleepy blue eyes, "Okay…night Uncle B…Uncle Beady…love ya…"

We said our good nights and I love you's and once they finally started to doze off, I whispered across to a still wide eyed Brandon, "Stop worrying…Rose and Emmett know the boys will most likely end up in here…if any of us are within reach at bedtime, they come find us…I swear it's okay…"

He sighed and whispered, "But they don't know me, Brady…"

Reaching across the sleeping boys, I laced my fingers with his and smiled, "They know _me_, Brandon…they know I would give my life for these boys and protect them till the very last breath from my body…and they know your cousins…they trust them and they vouch for you so trust me when I say it's okay…"

Laying his head down, he sighed and squeezed my hand a little, "It's weird…they're just so little…fragile…I wish I could go to Seattle with you…"

My heart ached as I rubbed my thumb across his knuckles, "I do too…"

I finally fell asleep holding his big hand and when I woke the next morning, I had to stifle a giggle. Brandon was curled up with Em J's piglet under his arm and JJ's blue blanket.

But a giggle made me turn my head to see Rosalie standing there in one of Em's t-shirts and a pair of short shorts.

She walked over and whispered, "Did JJ trick him into opening the door?"

I smiled up at her and nodded, "Of course he did, he's a Whitlock…"

Little JJ started stirring and lifted his head, "Mornin, Aunt Rosie…"

Em J babbled without opening his eyes, "Mama…"

She smiled sweetly as she leaned down to a reaching JJ who cuddled in her arms, then she laughed, "Good morning, sweetheart. Let's go and let your Uncles Brady and Brandon sleep, okay?"

He laid his head on her shoulder and nodded, "M'kay…"

Then she reached down and scooped up Em J who quickly cuddled into her other side, "We'll see you two in a little while…have fun."

With a wink, she glided out of the room, closing the door behind her. Scooting over to my sleeping man, I wiggle my way beneath his arm, sharing the space with Piglet.

His breath stutters and then hitches as clear blue eyes flutter open and land on me with an already red tint forming on his cheeks, "Mornin Sunshine…"

I smile and raise to kiss his nose, "Good morning, babe…"

He grins and blushes harder as he releases Piglet from his death lock and sits up with the tattered blue blanket and doll in his hands. I raise an eyebrow and he chuckles, voice raspy, "I had a nightmare last night, accidentally woke up the boys…Em J gave me his Piglet and JJ his blankie to help me get back to sleep…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must've slept right through it…"

Shrugging his shoulders, he sets them aside and lays back down, wrapping his arms around me, grinning wide and beautiful, "S'okay…it was just a dream but you're real…you're here…that makes me happy…"

The blood rushed to my cheeks as I smile back, brushing my fingers through his wild hair and then scratching at the stubble on his chin, "I'm glad I make you happy…and once we get you settled into your new place, we're going to keep you happy…we've got lots to do today…"

Rolling us over, he hovered above me, his arms at the side of my head as he grinned, pushing himself against me, "We got time to start this mornin off right, Princess?"

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him down to me, kissing his lips with a chuckle, "There's always time for that…"

.

.

.

After our morning playtime, we got up and got moving, anxious to get Mission far behind us and find Brandon settled into his new place by nightfall.

The girls took off for his place so that they could paint and we went to his old place to start packing and moving his furniture into the truck. There wasn't many big pieces so I used my time to pack his clothes and pictures nicely into the boxes we had bought that morning.

I also made the boys tea and lemonade to keep them cool from the dry heat of midday. It was squelching outside and soon all my pervy little fantasies had come to fruition as all of the boys were sans their shirts, sweaty and glistening like the Gods they were.

Once the truck was loaded, the sexy boys were lying sprawled out in the grass and on the porch, drinking their drinks and wiping their sweaty foreheads with their t-shirts. Brandon didn't have much so we really made record time and Jeremiah grinned as he snatched an old football out of Brandon's truck, "We need to relax ya'll…how bout a quick game in that field over there?"

How on earth they found football relaxing, I'll never know but again, it was like a dirty fantasy come true to watch them all.

The boys agreed and soon we were walking across the empty field next to the train tracks. I stood on the sidelines fully intending on cheering them on as they picked teams. It was decided that Jeremiah and Brandon would be captains since they were the oldest and since Brandon had the biggest dick, he would choose first.

_My boys and their crazy logic…_

Brandon grinned and looked over at me with a nod of his head, "I choose you, Princess…"

_What?_

My eyes went wide and my mouth dropped open in a matter I'm sure was very unbecoming as I stammered, "What? But um…I'm little…"

Crossing his arms over his big chest, he smirked, "You ain't tough enough?"

Now I scoffed as I marched right over and with a defiant tilt of my chin, I smile, "Oh I'm plenty tough enough, sweetheart, I think you should know that…"

I was surprised as he uncrossed his arms and brought his big fingers up to run through my hair, "I do know that, that's why I chose ya…"

It was just flag football and I knew my boys wouldn't hurt me so I was actually kind of excited to be included…I mean, I had never _ever _been picked first for a team before.

In the end, it was me, Brandon, and Jay against Jeremiah, Edward, and Emmett. Jay was playing quarterback and grinned at me in our little huddle, "Bang eight, ya feel me?"

I loved it when they started picking up each other's slang and I giggled as Brandon looked at me curiously, "It's a post, I run straight down the field about ten yards then cut deep towards the goal…"

The look of amazement in Brandon's eyes was enough to make me smirk and blush all at the same time, "My best friends were football players, of course I managed to pick up a little of the lingo along the way…"

He just shook his head and grinned, "Well, you're just full of surprises, Brady…"

With a little toss of my hair, I raise my chin and give him a sassy little smirk, "I am a boy of many talents…"

Now Jasper laughed, "Enough foreplay, you two…ya'll ready to kick some ass?"

We broke the huddle and I was kneeling with my manicured fingers in the dirt, looking up at Eddie as he smirked, "I'm faster than you…"

That made me chuckle as I smiled back, "That may be, Eddie, but I twirl better…"

Jay did his final hike and I showed Eddie my skills, twirling around him to the side and taking off down field. We were both laughing as he chased me but I turned back just in time to see Jay lob the ball through the air. I had spent plenty of time playing catch with them to easily pick the ball out of the air and twirl again, to avoid Eddie skidding past me.

And then I was gone and to the fence post before the other boys could make it down the field. I scored a touchdown.

_Holy crap! I just scored a touchdown!_

A strange feeling took over me as I spiked the ball and started dancing. Eddie caught up to me and laughed with his hands on his knees, "Damn you're pretty fast…where did you learn to twirl like that?"

I just smiled, "The hula hoop…it's like an instructional toy for young gay boys…I can swivel my hips faster than Shakira on ephedrine…"

He chuckled and the other boys now stood around to watch my victory dance. When I was done celebrating, Brandon held out his fist for me, "I knew you had it in you, Princess…that was badass…"

I bumped his big knuckles and smiled, "Yeah…I got mad skills yo…"

The game was going great. We were all dirty and sweaty and it was really cool to be one of the guys. I even ended up tossing my t-shirt aside when the sticky heat became too much. At least I had thankfully thought ahead to wear baggy jeans a t-shirt since we'd be moving all day so I wouldn't ruin my good clothes.

But this was fun. The other guys didn't really invite me when they went paintballing or played football so this was a treat for me and much more fun then I ever thought it would be.

And then, just like every other great time in my life, some dickhead comes along and ruins it…

"I thought it was just rumors that the Whitlock boys were back in town…"

Turning my head, we saw four guys approaching. And these were no skinny boys like from the other day, these guys were big and scary. Before I could do anything, I was being shoved behind a brick wall of my boys bodies.

I heard Jeremiah's voice, "Ya'll can rest easy now since ya found us…the fuck ya'll want anyway?"

"Nothin…just saw ya'll playin and thought we could play a friendly game 'fore the big one here cuts outta town like the rest of ya pussies…we seen the loaded truck…"

Jeremiah chuckled, "Yeah, we all cut out like some pussies…ya'll are still here though…good for you…tell your mama's I said hi…they'll remember me…"

I could just imagine him giving them a wink and a smirk with that comment and my stomach was knotted painfully.

There was a small scuffle then I heard Jay's voice, "Ya'll wanna game, ya got it but when we're done whoopin your asses, you're gonna leave us the fuck alone…"

There seemed to be some agreement as Brandon turned around and leaned down to whisper, "You can't play this game, Brady…"

I just nodded and started to walk over to the fence when I heard Eddie and Jay…

"I don't want you playin, Eddie…"

"Tough shit, Jay, I'm playing anyway…"

"Eddie, these mother fuckers are out for blood, this ain't no friendly game…"

"Jay, I'm capable of handling myself. You taught me how to so that I can stand beside you. I'm playing."

Then Jay sighed in defeat and nodded his head before taking Edward's face in his hands and kissing his cheek as he whispered, "Run fast, baby boy…"

This caused the group of boys to sound out in laughter and homophobic slurs which seemed to make my boys get that scary sneer on their faces all the quicker.

I admired that Jay wasn't afraid to show Eddie affection here of all places but I worried that now the guys seemed to target it on him and Eddie.

"How come that little queer ain't playin? We'd have a real good time with that one…"

They were obviously referring to me and Brandon shoved the guy before Jay and Jeremiah pulled him back, "You even look his god damn direction and I'm gonna end your fuckin life…"

The guy just snickered as he backed his guys down, "Well holy shit, boys, looks like all of 'em are a bunch of queers…thank god they're leavin huh…we don't take to kindly to your kind 'round here…last one that flaunted his flamin ass through town got strung up…on that light pole right there as a matter of fact…"

My heart stopped as I watched Brandon's eyes go dark and vacant as he pulled away from Jeremiah and Jay.

He stood there with a sneer on his face, "Keep runnin that loose mouth of yours and I'm gonna stick my dick in it…"

The guy lunged forward, growling back as his friends held him, "What the fuck did you just say to me, you god damn faggot?"

Jay just tossed them the ball and smirked, "Let these bitches get the ball first…we playin or what?"

It took a minute but they all eventually started playing and it was brutal. I cringed every time one of them was thrown to the ground and I inwardly cheered every time they were the ones doing the throwing.

Hits were hard, they were going for blood and they were getting it. All of them were dirty and covered in dried blood hit after hit.

But my boys were tough and taunted the boys with grins and laughter as they tried their best to hurt them to no avail.

Edward was fast which saved him from most of the tackles but I watched in horror as he scored a touchdown only to be met with a really late hit that sent him to the ground hard.

I gasped as the guy snickered but then Jay was on him, yanking him off of Edward and then nailing him in the jaw. He fell backwards and Jay was on him again.

The boys tried to get Jay off him but he wouldn't move till Edward was pulling him back and the guys buddies were yanking him back.

Jay snapped out of it and grabbed Eddie's face, "Are you okay?"

Eddie smirked with a bloody mouth and I was shocked when he looked at the mongrels and winked, "Yeah, baby, you know I like it rough…"

Brandon stepped between them now and started pushing his cousins away, "Alright that's enough fun for one evenin…games over…I'm ready to get the fuck outta this town…"

They all started walking towards me and I went running to them but I didn't make it fast enough…

"That new little boyfriend of yours looks a lot like your last one, B…it's funny his name was Angel cuz I seen that little spick queer jump and he sure as fuck didn't fly…"

Brandon stopped in his tracks and turned around. Em, Ed and Jay had no idea what they were talking about but Jeremiah and I did.

He didn't say a word or move a muscle but I could see his whole body clenching as he tried to stop himself.

I finally reached him and I stepped in front of him, my hands on his chest as I looked up and whispered, "They're just words, Brandon…let's go…"

"The skinny little fag's neck didn't even break when he jumped…he just hung there for awhile squirmin all around…I was hangin out drinkin a beer and got the boys to come watch the show…took that boy forever to die…"

Then he pointed at me and sneered, "That ones next…"

And it was too late…

Brandon was past me, grabbing a piece of a lead post that lay by the worn out fence right before he swung it with a sickening crack against the man's skull. The other guys took off running as Brandon raised the post to strike again and I screamed out for him just as Jeremiah tackled him. I started to run for him but Emmett held me back as I kicked and screamed for him to stop. Jeremiah knocked the lead post from his hands but he couldn't stop him from going back after the bloodied stump of a man on the ground and punching him repeatedly.

Jay and Jeremiah both went after him but even together, they couldn't stop him. Edward grabbed me and I buried my face in his chest as Emmett ran over to help.

Finally, Emmett, Jay, and Jeremiah managed to pull him off but even then he was delivering swift kicks to the guys face and I could hear the crunching of his jaw as it broke.

The damage was bad…the guys face was unrecognizable as he coughed and spit up blood. Brandon just growled, "What you got to say now, mother fucker? Huh? Say somethin else!"

The bloody mess lay on the ground sputtering and coughing up blood. Edward rasped, "Shit, he's going to die…"

Letting go of me, he ran past them and yelled for Emmett, "Help me turn him to his side or he'll choke to death on his blood…"

Emmett helped him as Edward gave instructions on what to do to keep the guy alive. Tears were burning my eyes as I watched the realization come into Brandon's and he slumped down to the ground with a look of defeat on his face.

Off in the distance, I could hear sirens and I began to panic when Jeremiah rushed over, "Ya'll get Brandon to the house, he can't be here…we'll handle it, just go…"

Emmett helped me now as Jasper took over for him with Eddie. Brandon was completely out of it, in a state of shock as Emmett and I dragged him off to his house quickly.

Once inside, I took a breath and sat next to Brandon from where he was slumped on the floor.

It took some coaxing but eventually, I got his head in my lap and I was running my fingers through his hair as I whispered, "It's going to be okay, Brandon…"

Then I heard his raspy voice, "What if I killed him?"

My stomach dropped as I thought the same thing but I quickly pushed that thought away and whispered, "Edward knows what he's doing…he won't let him die…"

He sighed, "I'm goin away for a long time, Brady…"

A sob escaped my throat as I fought it, "No, you're not…"

His arms tightened around me as he buried his face in my chest, "I'm so sorry…"

I just rocked him back and forth, trying to comfort us both as the minutes seemed like hours.

Emmett was peeking out the window as he paced, "Ambulance is there…Jeremiah and Eddie are talking to the cops…I don't see Jay…"

God this was just a clusterfuck…a fucking nightmare…

A few minutes later Emmett sighed, "Cops are leaving…here come Eddie and Jeremiah…"

The door swung open and the boys walked in, white as ghosts but Jeremiah nodded, "We told 'em we seen some boys fightin and then they ran off as me and Eddie were goin over to help…they didn't really buy it but without any witnesses they can't really do nothin…"

I sighed, "What if his buddies go to them? What if someone saw?"

Jeremiah shrugged, "Don't know, man, we'll deal with that bridge when we get there…"

But my attention was drawn to Edward…he was staring at his blood covered hands as he started shaking.

I whispered, "Brandon, let me up a minute…"

He pulled away and his eyes went wide as he saw Edward. Having witnessed a few of these panic attacks before I knew what needed to be done…it was just usually Jay that was doing it.

_Where the hell is he?_

Brandon was reading my mind when he rasped out, "Where's Jay?"

Jeremiah sighed as he looked out the window, "Gettin rid of that post so the cops didn't find it…"

Walking up to Edward, I used a soft voice and gentle hands as I slid them along his cheeks and whispered, "Hey Eddie? It's okay…"

His eyes were bright green as he trembled and seemed to look right through me…but then Emmett was on one side of him and Jeremiah on the other…

"Come on, dude…let's go wash your hands…"

"Yeah, pretty boy, we got you…"

Letting out a rush of air, his eyes found mine as he started taking shallow breaths, "I'm okay, I'm okay…just need to wash my hands…"

Walking him to the kitchen, the boys kept their hands on his shoulders as I took his hands under the faucet. I used the kitchen soap and started washing his hands, making sure to get all the blood off of them.

By the time they were clean, I grabbed a kitchen towel and dried them as his trembling started slowing down.

But then Jay came running into the kitchen and in a moment, Eddie was in his arms, wrapped tight as Jay whispered in his ear. Eddie's eyes shut tight as he clung to his husband and nodded against his shoulder, fighting back tears as he whispered something back.

Now that Edward was okay, I had to get back to Brandon. I walked into the living room to see him still sitting on the barren floor with his back against the wall, knees up and elbows resting as his head hung down low.

_I should have never left him…_

Sinking down next to him, I run my fingers through his long hair and whisper, "I'm so sorry for leaving you…"

He lifted his head and looked at me with tired blue eyes, "Is Edward okay?"

I nodded as I scooted a little closer, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, encouraging him to lie his head down…but he wouldn't budge…I could see that wall going up…the light gone from his eyes as he whispered, "Is he scared of me?"

It hadn't occurred to me that he might think Edward was freaking out because of what he did and my heart just broke for him, "Brandon, no…he's not scared of you, it was just the blood on his hands…"

Letting out a sigh, he closes his eyes, "He was covered in blood cuz I almost beat a guy to death, Brady…he's scared of violence and I just acted like a fuckin lunatic…how can you even look at me right now…God, I'm such a fuck up…"

There was no way I was letting all the progress he had been making get wiped away by this bullshit…

Standing up, I grabbed his hand and huffed, "Get your ass up right now…"

He looked at me like I was crazy but he huffed himself as he stood, "I knew you were mad at me, you're gettin all bitchy…"

Folding my arms across my chest, I raise my chin and glare, "You bet your ass I'm getting bitchy…let me tell you why…I'm pissed off, Brandon…I'm pissed that people like that exist…I'm pissed that the lowlife inbred trash around here live to fucking torment you…I'm angry that they tormented a young boy that you loved to the point of ending his own life because he was gay…gay like me, like you, like Eddie and Jay, like Tommy…so yeah I'm bitchy because I hate that evil people exist and even worse are the people that stand around and do absolutely nothing about it…and it's infuriating because I want those people dead and maimed and tortured like us but we don't live in a world where you can kill someone for pissing you off!"

I was angry to the point of shaking now and I started pacing, unable to stop, "Why are people so cruel? It's one thing to just be an asshole but entirely something else to talk to you the way he did! I wanted to kill him! I don't blame you for lashing out at him but I'm terrified for you right now! I just…can't even think of…if you went back to jail…God, I…"

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I was swept up into big, strong arms. My back was against the wall and his breath on my neck as he whispered, "God, I'm sorry, Brady…I'm so fuckin sorry…I swear if I get outta this, I'll leave this place behind and never look back…"

I held onto him with everything I had…daring anyone to try and pry him from underneath my fingertips. And he held me just the same.

It was Jasper's voice that finally broke the desperate moment, "Brandon?"

He let out a sigh and reluctantly set me down before staring at the ground and mumbling, "Yeah?"

Then Jasper was there, pulling him into a hug and whispering, "Shit, man, I'm so sorry…Jeremiah told us about Angel…I'm so fuckin sorry, Cuz…"

Little by little, Brandon's tough exterior was breaking…

When Jay finally pulled away, Edward walked up as Brandon looked at the ground again, whispering, "I'm sorry I scared you again…"

Eddie sighed, "Please look at me, Brandon."

Slowly he raised his blue eyes and Edward smiled softly, "You don't scare me. I have a disorder and was having a panic attack because of my past. I understand how strongly the past can hold us…how it can burrow itself so deeply within our soul that the pain seems never ending…I understand loss…you are not a monster, Brandon…you're a person who has suffered so badly that you've lost sight of the future…your demons cling to you, bounding you with chains of regret and guilt and heartache but the window is open now…"

Then he stepped forward and awkwardly put his arms around Brandon's neck. Brandon just melted as he let out a sigh and hugged him back.

Edward whispered, "You have to learn to let go of your past and focus on your future…we'll all be here every step of the way…you're family and we've got you…"

Then Jeremiah grinned, "Tell him what you said, Eddie…"

Eddie pulled away and smirked at Jeremiah, "It was no big deal…"

I was curious now as Jeremiah walked over and threw his arm around Brandon's shoulder, "Yes, it was…it was badass, Cuz…"

Rolling his eyes, Edward shrugged with a small chuckle, "I just told him that if he told anyone that Brandon was the one who hurt him, then the whole town would know that not only did a 'queer' save his life, but one almost ended it as well…I mean, since you're kind of outed now here…"

Now Brandon shrugged, "I could give a fuck less, got much bigger worries than what these assholes think of me…"

Eddie sighed, "Yeah, I doubt he'll say anything but I'm sure someone saw or those other guys will say something…"

Jeremiah jumped now, "Well, fuck, then let's bounce 'fore they got a chance to come back…"

Jasper shook his head, "It'd be better not to run…Eddie called Mama C, she's on her way over…"

Brandon's eyes got huge as he rasped out, "You called your mama? Shit, she's gonna be fuckin pissed at me…"

Emmett now chuckled as he put his hand on Brandon's shoulder, "Dude, trust me…if you're in trouble, Esme is who you want on your side…"

A knock on the door startled us all as we jumped and Jeremiah ran to peek out the window, "Fuck, it's the cops…"

My heart dropped and everyone went silent as Brandon quietly huffed, "Fuck…god damn it…"

Then he walked to the door and opened it to two police officers who looked like assholes.

"Hey there, Brandon, it's been awhile…"

And that wall was back up as he sneered, "The fuck you want?"

"We just wanna ask you a few questions 'bout an incident that happened just across the street…I'll go slow because I know you ain't got much for brains…do you know who Todd Rollins is?"

Brandon huffed, "Bobby, you know I fuckin know him, we all grew up in this same shit town but now that you gotta badge and a flashlight you like to pretend that you got some balls…but don't forget who the fuck you're talkin to…"

The little cop huffed and pushed out his chest, "That's Officer Riggs to you, we're not kids anymore, Brandon, now can you tell me your whereabouts for the last hour or so…were you here the whole time? Looks like you're moving…tryin to get outta town fast huh…"

He started to step inside when Jay blocked his way, "You got a warrant?"

The ugly cop smirked, "Now I'm just tryin to have a friendly conversation…"

Jeremiah walked over on the other side of Brandon and smirked back, "Hey Bobby. You don't smell like pee anymore. Good for you. Hey, you remember that time I was bangin your sister on your back porch and you walked out and caught us? Them was good times…I was taggin her from behind while your no good daddy was passed out bout ten feet away on the couch…you were so pissed. How's she doin, by the way? Tell her I said hi."

The man looked like he was about to pop, he was so red. Pulling out his cuffs, he huffed, "Brandon Whitlock, turn around and place your hands on your head…"

Brandon smirked, "Fuck you. What are you arrestin me for? Can't cuff me for bein an asshole…"

Then the other cop tapped his gun on his side as he undid the holster, "Turn around son…"

He was older than this Bobby guy and Brandon just sneered at him, "I ain't your fuckin son and you think you're gonna scare me with your little gun? Pull it, mother fucker, but you better fuckin kill me…"

Then I was sprinting across the room to squeeze my way in between Jeremiah and Brandon as I put my hand on his chest and whispered, "Calm down, Brandon…"

Luckily, Esme had pulled up and was just getting out of the car.

Bobby sneered, "You should listen to your little boyfriend, faggot…Drew and Jimmy told us what happened…now put your hands behind your head…"

My mouth dropped open as Brandon huffed and turned around.

"You can't talk like that, you're cops…"

They just laughed at me as they clamped the cuffs around Brandon's wrists. But then Esme was up on the porch, stepping between Brandon and the cops, "Whoa, hold on here, boys. Why is my son handcuffed?"

Brandon's eyes went big as he looked over his shoulder at her and Officer McPeesHisPants stammered, "This ain't your son…"

"The hell he isn't…he's mine now what in the hell are you handcuffing him for?'

"We're takin him in for questionin 'bout a beatin that happened not far from here an hour ago…"

Standing tall and sassy, she pulled out her phone and smirked, "Let me just call my lawyer, he lives in New York but my husband, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, can charter his private jet and have him here in a couple of hours. I'm sure he would love to know why you're handcuffing someone without them actually being under arrest…oh and calling my son 'faggot' was an extra special little touch that I'm sure the Chief of Police would be interested to know about considering the use of derogatory slurs is highly scandalous from public officials sworn to serve and protect…and though it's not a criminal offense, it can still be used against you in a court of law in a civil suit. Now I have four sons here who are gay and the use of those words in front of them is, no doubt, completely emotionally stressful and you can be held liable should I decide to pursue these actions further. Now, take the cuffs off my son and we will follow you in my car to the police station to discuss these ridiculous allegations, since I have been with my boys all afternoon, only leaving ten minutes ago to run down to the gas station to get Jasper a pack of smokes…here, son…"

Tossing Jasper a pack of Marlboro, he looked a little surprised as he caught them but smiled, "Oh yeah, thanks mama…"

I loved watching Esme go all mama bear on Brandon…he needed it.

They undid the cuffs and Brandon turned around, his head down low but he was watching her.

"Now, boys, you run along and drive the truck to Brandon's new place, the girls have it all ready for him. We'll go take care of this nuisance and be right along…"

There was no way I wasn't going with them to that police station so I reached over and grabbed Brandon's hand as I looked up at her, "I'm going with him."

Esme just smiled and patted my cheek, "Of course you are darling…now move it on out, boys."

Slipping on her sunglasses, she raised her chin with a look of disgust on her lips as she walked by the cops, "I haven't got all day, boys, would _you _like to just follow _me _there?"

They turned red and stammered as they shuffled past her to their car while the boys got ready to leave in the moving truck and we hopped in Esme's vehicle.

Brandon was in the front next to Esme and I was behind them in the middle, leaning forward between the seats, I smiled, "Thanks for coming, Mama C."

But she was busy muttering under her breath, "Can you believe the nerve? Saying _that _word to one of my children, is he insane? _Pezzo di merda_…"

The Italian cursing had begun, Mama C was really pissed.

Brandon sighed as we pulled off behind the cop car and started following them, "Esme, I appreciate you lyin to the cops for me but I did it…you know that, right?"

She sighed and slipped her sunglasses off onto the dash. Then she reached over and grabbed his hand, "I'm aware. What you did was wrong but what he did was wrong too. Edward told me everything…about Angel and what he said. Violence is never the answer but sometimes people deserve what they get…I'm not a naive woman, sweetheart, I'm an Italian girl from the south side of Chicago and where I'm from, if you mess with the bull, you get the horns…people like us are different, son…push us and we're going to come barreling back, teeth bare and claws out…we fight for what we love…I've only got one rule that I've lived by my whole life…don't mess with my family…"

Then she took his scruffy chin in her hand and smiled, "And you, darling, are mine now…so just let me do the talking…"

Smirking, she slipped her sunglasses on and for the first time since the incident began…Brandon was grinning and I could see the light come back full force…

**A/N: Pezzo di merda - Piece of shit **


	16. Chapter 16

**Apologies for such a long wait. RL has been good but hectic. I won't bore you with the details but know that it's just been super busy but I would never abandon these boys. Thanks so much for sticking with me through the long wait and I don't think you should have any more insanely long waits coming. **

**Please forgive any mistakes, after re-reading it so many times, my mind officially looks over all misspellings and errors…**

**Oh and I'm helping to judge a fully anonymous slash writing contest called The Summer it All Began! Some of the other judges are some of your favorite slashy writers and there are great prizes like gift cards and banners for your story. I hope you check it out! I can't wait to read all that new slash. **

**http:/ www. fanfiction . net /~thesummeritallbegan **

**Hope you enjoy it!**

**Brandon's POV**

I wondered if it made me a bad person that I didn't really give a fuck 'bout what I did to that asshole…I mean, I was worried 'bout my own ass right now, not his…

Maybe that makes me selfish…

But I think Esme is right…there are certain types of people in this world that you just don't fuck with…if you're dumb enough to taunt a rabid animal, don't piss and moan when you get bit…

And don't get me started on cops…fuckin self-righteous bastards, always thinkin they can do whatever the fuck they want and that the same laws don't apply to them…I fuckin hate cops…

My shoulders tense as I sit on that hard plastic chair, arms crossed and foot tappin like crazy on the dirty linoleum. My skin is crawlin…the bad fluorescent lightin makin me nauseous as it flickers off the cracking pale green paint on the walls…

I hate bein here…I wanna get out…so fuckin bad…this, _this_ is why I gotta stop doin stupid shit…not cuz I'm suddenly all enlightened and feelin bad for what I did…but cuz this shit fuckin sucks and _mother fucker _I don't wanna go back to prison…hell, I don't even wanna spend the night in jail.

The strain of tryin to sit still is givin me a headache and I take a deep breath, close my eyes and lean my head back against the concrete wall…

I'm gettin all antsy and shit and the deep breaths ain't workin…and I know I'm about two seconds away from just losin my shit and doin somethin stupid when I feel two hands, both pressin down on my knees, holdin 'em still…

My eyes open cuz I had damn near forgot that I wasn't here alone…I never had nobody with me here before or any time I was in trouble…but I see Esme on one side, Brady on the other, sittin in the same hard plastic chairs, under the same sick yellow light, and surrounded by all the same assholes as me but they're doin it with a smile on their face.

They didn't seem to be too worried so that helped calm me down a little…

It felt kinda nice actually…mama never stood by my side, only showin up on occasion to dig my grave a little deeper…

_Fuckin bitch…_

But Esme had gone to war for me…the worst of it was over, so long as they believed her…but Drew and Jimmy had ID'd me to the cops so it was her word against theirs…and if they found that fuckin pipe with my fingerprints all over it…

_Fuck, it's game over…_

I was spiraling again, gettin overwhelmed by anxiety when Esme's phone chirped and made me jump. Brady's hand was on my knee again as he smiled sweetly, "Calm down, Brandon…we're right here with you…"

Then I heard Esme chuckle beside me, almost evily as she slid her phone in her pocket and patted my knee, "Trust me, sweetheart, we've got this…"

I wanted to believe her but my eyes caught sight of Jimmy and Drew bein led in by two other cops. My stomach dropped as I watched them disappear into an office and I couldn't do nothin but close my eyes and focus on breathin as I silently prayed to whoever was listenin that if they got me outta this, just this one time, I would get my shit together, get the fuck away from Mission and never look back…

Time seemed to last forever until I finally felt Esme squeeze my knee. I opened my eyes to see one of the asshole detectives standin in front of me.

"We're sorry for botherin you folks…the boys recanted, said they were mad at you for bein…uh…homosexual…and that they didn't recognize the men that beat their friend…"

My cheeks shot up in flames and my eyes went wide cuz not only did I not understand why the fuck them boys were lyin to save my ass, but I just realized that I was a homosexual…

I mean, I knew I was into guys but I had never so bluntly labeled it before…but now, somethin strange come over me as I stood, towerin over the little piggy, grinnin' "That's right, I'm a homo, and ya'll got a real problem 'round here discriminatin' and shit…"

Esme and Brady were chuckling beside me and it was crazy how fast I went from feelin like it was the end of the world, to feelin like I owned the fuckin world…

_That's right, bitches…fuck with me again, I'm in the fuckin __**family **__now…_

The dirty cop stumbled over his words a bit when Esme stood and raised an eyebrow, "Yes, Deputy Shayne, we need to talk about that…about this town's blatant assault on the gay community. We've been here for less than a week and have encountered bigotry on more than one occasion. Let me ask you, Deputy, how many openly gay people have been in this town in the last fifteen years?"

His face turned red as he scratched at his chin and mumbled, "Well, uh…just one I reckon…"

My stomach dropped and I didn't know what the hell Esme was doin…

"Just one. And what happened to him?"

The cop was really uncomfortable now as Esme started gettin the attention of everyone around us, probably never havin seen nothin the likes of her before…

"He killed himself, ma'am…"

Her tone dropped as she sneered, "And why did he kill himself?"

Now he raised his hands and shook his head, "Now ma'am no one can rightly say why any young person would do somethin like that but I assure you we were all affected by the tragedy…"

_Did this mother fucker want me to hit him? Tragedy my ass, they didn't do a god damn thing about it…_

Crossing her arms, she sat on the side of his desk with a look of disgust as she spat out, "Oh please, what have you done to prevent this sort of thing from happening again? And you can try to downplay this to teenage angst because it makes your conscience feel a little better but everyone knows the truth…the boy was beaten and tormented and tortured for being openly gay. Do you honestly think he's the only gay person to ever grace your town? I wonder how many other kids out there sit terrified every day that someone will discover their dirty little secret and they'll be made an example of? Is it not your job to protect and serve your community? Well let me tell you something, Deputy Shayne, you have failed."

He reared back now as he huffed, "Hey now, lady, I don't know who you think you are…"

But she stood and cut him off, "I'll tell you who I am…I am a mother, a grandmother, a wife, and an incredibly driven woman with the means to back up any cause I see fit…I know powerful people in the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and let me tell you, one phone call and I can have Mission on the map as the next home of the International Gay Pride Parade…your streets would be filled with hundreds of people demanding their right for justice and equality, and I can promise you, Deputy, that by the time I'm done, your quiet little town will look like Gay Mardi Gras…"

Brady egged her on, "Rainbow confetti just everywhere…"

I had to muffle my laughter. Esme was definitely one woman I wouldn't wanna fuck with…

The entire office was dead quiet as they stared at us like we was crazier than a shithouse rat…

And I didn't give a fuck…it was awesome.

Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a card and handed it to him, "I'll phone next week about organizing a rally at the local high school and town hall to talk openly and honestly about these issues. I suggest you start doing a little research on bullying laws, Deputy Shayne…I'll be in touch. Come along, boys."

Brady and me follow along behind her, his fingers tickling mine as they brush softly against them. We walk through the heavy glass doors and I squint at the bright sun but can vaguely make out a few images.

Grinning, I practically bounce down the steps and pull Jeremiah and Jay into a hug. I ain't the brightest bulb in the box but I figured they had somethin to do with them boys changing their stories.

So I just pat them both on the back and tell them thanks…

Emmett and Edward aren't there and since I don't see the movin truck, I reckoned they took it on to Houston.

But Carlisle is here and he's grinnin like a Cheshire cat when Esme starts goin on bout them bastards and how she was gonna do somethin to change things here so that no other kids had to go through what we went through…and what Angel went through.

I can't be mad that everyone knows bout Angel now…I mean, I wasn't ever ashamed or nothin, just hurt too much to talk about.

And I really liked the idea of Esme tryin to help the kids here cuz this was a fucked up place and if me and Angel had had it a little better, things might not have gotten so messed up for us.

We all piled into the big SUV, me and Brady in the middle, Jeremiah and Jay in the back while Carlisle drove and Esme sat up front.

I can see Carlisle's hazel eyes in the rearview as he turns down the radio and looks at me, "You get one 'get out of jail free' card, son, and you've used yours up now, so never again. We were very lucky that we were able to bring a resolution to this so peacefully but now this is your fresh start…your one do-over…don't mess it up…"

Nodding my head, I take his words to heart and thank my lucky stars that I'm getting this chance and I vow to do everythin I can to not fuck up this time.

Jeremiah grins as he leans over the seat, "I'm the only one who still has mine, Daddy C…"

Jay pushes him and smirks, "I got mine too, fucker…"

Esme scolds him, "Language…"

Then Carlisle smirks back in the rear view mirror, "I know about you and Edward getting arrested, Jasper…"

His mouth dropped open and he stammered, "But…how…"

Carlisle just gave him a knowing smile, "Eyes in the back of my head, son…"

I know I probably shouldn't even ask but my curiosity just gets the better of me as I blurt out, "How'd ya'll pull that off anyway?"

Jeremiah leaned up on the back of my seat and grinned, "Esme had us find 'em and then Carlisle showed up and made 'em an offer they couldn't refuse…"

That confused me a little and I looked up at Esme, "Ya'll bribed 'em?"

She chuckled and patted my knee, "Well, yes, sort of but not with money…with jobs…"

Now I was really confused but Carlisle just smiled, "I have a few friends high up at the Ford plant in East Dallas…I offered to get them jobs and they jumped at the chance."

I nodded my head, those jobs were golden to boys where I'm from…

"And I spoke with the boy in the hospital…offered to foot all his medical bills since he has no insurance and gave him the same job offer. Hopefully this will be a new start for all of them as well…and perhaps they've learned some valuable lessons about how to treat people…"

It made me feel bad that they had done so much for me and I hadn't done nothin really to deserve it…_yet _anyway cuz I was gonna earn it.

.

.

.

Walkin up the steps to my new place was surreal…I mean, I know it wasn't nothin fancy but this was the nicest place I ever had before…

But then I stepped inside to see freshly painted walls, bright shiny hardwood floors, the girls dancin around cleanin and it reminds me of Cinderella…and then I have one of them quick memories…just a flash in my mind of Suzie at six years old, dancin 'round the house as we cleaned up after watchin Cinderella get her happily ever after…

She bounds over to me, pullin me in a hug as she sighs, "You dumbass…I love you…"

I grinned and hugged her back, "Love you too…"

As she pulled away, she grabbed Brady's hand and tugged, "C'mon, babydoll, dance with me…"

He bounced with her, giggling as she twirled him but then she stopped and laughed, "Oh my God, you smell…did they make you work?"

I grinned as his cheeks went red and he flashed a quick smile my way before he beamed up at her, "No, we played football and oh my God, Suzie, I got a touchdown! I wasn't even planning to play because you know I don't usually get asked but Brandon picked me first and I was so bad ass, you should've seen it…"

Now her pretty smile was directed at me and with a small nod of her head, I knew she liked that I didn't baby him so much…she was real good for him, protective but not overly so. I wondered why the guys never asked him to do 'guy' stuff with them…he may be a little fancier and have softer skin than any guys I knew but he was all man…

He for fuckin sure ain't no baby…

Though I don't mind bein his daddy…

Alice glided over with bright eyes as she talked animatedly about the color of the walls and her ideas for decorating…I actually felt my eyes glaze over as I tried my best to keep up, but that woman could talk.

She was real sweet though.

Rosalie smiled up from her place on the floor where she was finishing up the trim. Her hair was pulled in a pony tail and she had paint on her cheek but she was a damn beautiful woman, "We only have one wall left, the small one on the other side of your bed…"

JJ was tuggin at his daddy's sleeve, "I wanna help paint, daddy…"

Em J grabbed his daddy's jeans leg from where he sat on the couch, "Me too, daddy! Me paint!"

So I smiled and nodded, "Let 'em paint me a picture on the wall…somethin to remember 'em by when ya'll are gone…"

And fuck I felt my heart break just a little…

But the boys liked that and soon it was decided that everyone would paint somethin on the wall for me. I thought that was really sweet.

The rest of the afternoon was spent fixin up my place…hangin curtains and pictures on the wall.

Esme and Carlisle went to the grocery store and filled up all my cabinets and fridge…I swear, I ain't ever seen so much food in all my life.

But by the time nightfall came 'round, I was feelin pretty antsy and shit…I love my family, I missed 'em…but right now I kinda wanted them to get the fuck out so I could love on Brady some more…

I only had two more nights with him so I was lookin forward to gettin him alone again…

Jeremiah totally cockblocked me though…

"Man, it's still early! Let's go out! We need to go to a bar…"

Edward raised an eyebrow as he looked over at him, "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

He shrugged then grinned at me, "How bout a gay bar? No one would fuck with ya there…"

My cheeks shot up in flames but I grinned back, "Wouldn't ya'll feel weird there?"

Jeremiah laughed, "Are you kiddin? Guys love me!"

Alice smacked his arm and rolled her eyes with a smile on her face, "You are the gayest straight boy I know…"

Brady started chuckling beside me, "That's what I always say!"

He had those dimples on full force at the tiny woman and I just shook my head…the boy was always a cut up…a flirt…I remember him flirtin' with old ladies and teachers and shit when we was growin up…it made total sense to me that he wouldn't have a problem with guys wantin him either…he just wanted everybody to want and love and adore him…and they mostly did.

"I'm just secure enough in my masculinity to dance with a bunch of half naked men…ya know, in a totally non-gay way…'sides I can't help it that every body wants me, I'm a fuckin stud…"

Again, Alice rolled her eyes but Jeremiah just smirked and leaned over to nuzzle his nose against her cheek as he whispered, "_You _want me…"

Now her cheeks flushes a deep red and it was my turn to roll my eyes…silly ass bastard could always make the women blush…

Jay grinned from his spot on the floor behind Eddie, his arms wrapped around his husband's waist as he leaned against the wall, "You ain't ever been to a gay club, huh?"

Shaking my head, I can still feel my cheeks burnin hot as Brady squeezes my hand and flashes a beautiful smile up at me from his spot next to me on the couch, "I've been a few times…it's a lot of fun but I don't know if you're really ready for that…"

Honestly, I didn't think I was ready for it but I hated bein the fucked up one that kept them from doin shit they wanted to do just cuz I was all anti-social and shit…

So I took a breath and smiled as I tousled his pretty hair, "I don't dance, Princess, but I'd like watchin you…"

Besides, a few beers didn't sound bad after the mornin I had…

And I got the added bonus of havin Brady to myself for a couple hours while they ran back to the hotel to get cleaned up.

Once they was gone, Brady grabbed my hand and looked up at me with big cocoa eyes, "Are you sure you want to go out, Brandon? You really don't have to if you don't want to…"

Cuppin his little cheek, I lean down and kiss them sweet, soft lips before I smile, "I can make it a few hours I guess…but tomorrow night, you're all mine…"

He grinned as his hand trailed down my chest, "Well, we've got some alone time right now…do you want to take a shower with me?"

Grinning back, I wrapped my arms around his waist, cuppin his ass and liftin him up as he giggled and tightened his legs around me.

"Well what do you think, Princess?"

A few minutes later, our clothes were sprawled out on the bathroom floor and we were under the hot water…

Holdin him up against the wall, his slippery body struggled to hang on as we kissed but I wasn't gonna let my little man fall…

Throwin his head back against the tile, he moaned out breathlessly, "Let's hurry and get clean so I can have my way with you before the others get back…"

That made me chuckle as I set him down to his feet and made sure he was steady 'fore I let him go.

We washed in record time and soon I was sittin butt naked on the couch, and he was slidin down to the floor in between my legs, equally naked but with a sly, sexy smirk.

I ran my fingers through his wet, silky hair and grinned, "What are you up to, Brady?"

He just giggled as his cheeks darkened, "I just want to try something…just tell me to stop if you don't like it, okay?"

Not gonna lie, that made me a little nervous cuz he was goin down on me and I wasn't quite sure how I'd react if he tried to, like, slip a finger in my ass or somethin…

But all thought flittered away as warm, wet lips wrapped around the head of my dick and his silky, soft tongue slid across the slit…

My dick throbbed as he sucked hard, his hot tongue draggin along the underside…I gripped the couch cushion with one hand and tangled my other one in his hair as I pushed just a little deeper, grunting in shallow breaths.

The feel of his lips, like satin, had my eyes rolling back as I felt his little fingers massaging my balls…his tongue swirled hard around the plump ridge of the head causing my back to arch for more.

Then I heard him gag and cough, my eyes opened wide as I looked down at his watering eyes and bright red cheeks…I grimaced, "Sorry…"

But he just smiled and shook his head, "It's ok, Brandon…"

Letting out a breath, he started kissing and licking along the shaft as he whispered softly, "You need to relax…you're so tense…"

And I realized I really was…my whole body was tight and straining…I guess all the shit that happened today and the thought of going 'clubbing' were getting to me more than I realized…

Leaning back against the couch cushions, I closed my eyes and just tried to get lost in the sensations on my dick cuz it felt so fuckin good but I just couldn't get my body to relax…I needed to cum so maybe it would take the edge off…

I wasn't against beggin, "Fuck, quit teasin me, Brady…suck it…"

His fingers trailed firmly down the back of my thighs as he pushed them open and I tensed but just for a second cuz then he was nippin and suckin on the insides of my thigh and no one had ever kissed or really even ever touched me there so it was all completely unexplored territory…

My body turned to goo and all signs of tension just melted away as I willingly opened up a little more for him while he gently nudged my legs further apart. I helplessly slid down on the cushion a little more, givin him full access to do whatever the hell he wanted to do cuz this was Brady…and he was fuckin awesome.

And _fuck _me, I felt the breath leave my body as his hot, wet, silky little tongue teased my hole, makin my whole body break out in goosebumps. I gasped and stuttered out his name in utter, uncontrollable bliss…

His fingers clenched at my thighs, holdin them in place as I fuckin trembled from each soft lick or swirl of his tongue…never in my life had I dreamed that that part of my body could receive so much pleasure…it was much more intense than anything I ever felt.

The feel of his hot breath coming out in pants against my ass while his slick tongue pushed its way inside and suddenly, I'm throwin my feet up on the coffee table as I scoot down to the edge of the couch.

A soft giggle tickles me and I gasp as I laugh out, "Fuck you, Princess…"

Then he pulls away and looks up at me with the reddened cheeks of a boy who's been hard at work, he smirks as his thumb presses the skin right above my asshole and starts swirling it around, "You'll be calling me King soon enough…"

I wanna say somethin back, somethin witty and sassy and fun like he does but then he spits in his hand, grabs my dick and that god damn wonderful tongue is flickin against my asshole again…

So I just shut the fuck up and push into him as my eyes roll back, then shut and I'm grippin that soft silky hair between my fingers…

Honestly I couldn't give a fuck about nothin with his tongue in my ass and his hand on my dick…

It was the strangest kinda pleasure I ever had…almost from the inside out…

That started the images behind my closed eyelids…images of little slender fingers inside of me…and it was weird and unexpected and different but fuck if I didn't want it anyway…

I didn't know what this boy was doin to me but down was up and east was west and holy fuck, the world would never be the same again…

It was those thoughts that finally drew me over the edge, a panting, stuttering mess as I gasped out, "Ugh…f-fuck…c-cummin…"

His little hand worked my dick furiously as my whole body reverberated from the inside out and I was cummin all over his hand and my stomach…every bit of energy I had just drainin away with each tremor…the boy drained me of my life juice…I was a mess, tremblin and gaspin but then I saw him rise on shaky legs, take his pretty dick in his hand and start jerkin it with a fuckin vengeance…

He leaned forward, one hand holdin himself against the cushion behind my head as he looked at me, pretty cocoa eyes dazed with lust and sweet caramel skin flushed crimson…sweaty, black hair stuck to his forehead as he gasped and threw that gorgeous hair back. I watched him squeeze the angry red tip of his cock, silky white cum spilling out over his knuckles and drippin onto my stomach, mixin all with mine…

Now I was really a mess but he collapsed on my chest so he was a mess too…

My feet were still sprawled out on the coffee table as he chuckled, runnin the wet, creamy tip of his dick against my ass, causin me to shudder and gasp again…

He giggled breathlessly against my neck, "So…daddy like?"

I tried to chuckle but I shuddered again, every inch of my skin still tingling but I did manage to plant a sloppy wet kiss on his forehead as an answer.

For the first time in my whole life…I needed recovery time cuz every time he breathed and I felt his soft, damp skin against my own just caused more and more trembling.

I had to put the pieces back together again cuz this boy had just made me feel apart…

And I was so warm and so relaxed, I wanted nothin more than to just close my eyes and fall asleep with my little heating blanket lying on top of me.

His skin was always so hot…if I woulda had him in my bed at night while I was locked up, I woulda never been so cold…

Once my breathin calmed down and the shakin stopped, I wound my fingers into his wet locks, tiltin his chin up to look at me as I smiled, "That was…was…"

I stammered cuz how the hell do you say that was earth shattering and changed my whole fuckin life without soundin like a complete asshole?

His eyes were wide and so innocent as he gazed up at me like I was the one that was special and I wondered how he could look so sweet and pure when his tongue had just been inside my ass…

Letting out a breath, I just cup his little chin and taste his cotton candy lips as I whisper, "Thank you…"

I felt him smile into the kiss…

For a little while, all of the nervousness and unease I felt about goin out tonight vanished…my body was more relaxed than it had ever been…I was in a zen like Bob Marley state without the added worry of illegal narcotics…

That affect lasted all the way till we was on our way to 'The Pole Barn…'

_Fuck my life…_

Brady had talked me into wearin the clothes the girls' had gotten me and even if they wasn't skin tight like my boy's jeans, they was still nut huggers and I was really uncomfortable. The t-shirt was too tight too, I felt like the incredible hulk…if someone got me angry and I actually had to throw a punch, I might just rip right outta this shit…

That's why I threw my hoodie on over top it before we left…

We decided to just walk since it was only a couple blocks from my place so all of us could drink. Me and Brady was walkin in the back of the group, standin close but not touchin and I wanted to grab his hand…

But people were staring…or at least I felt like they was cuz my damn cousins were loud as fuck. This group just brought attention and I wasn't used to it. I took a deep breath, tryin to keep from gettin nervous when soft little fingers brushed against mine before grasping my hand firmly and slowly exhaling…

Lookin down at him, he smiled up at me and I found myself grinning back as I squeezed his little hand softly as my way of sayin thanks.

And I don't know…but when I looked at him and felt his warm hand in mine, I didn't really care about all the people around us…all of a sudden, I was part of this crazy little bubble this group had around 'em…outsiders could look and admire but they wasn't gettin' in…I felt like I was in the mafia…

It was kinda awesome…

Soon I was leanin 'gainst the brick building, smokin' a cigarette . Jay and Eddie had gone to talk to the bouncer bout lettin us in, since half of 'em were underage…

_Real smart goin out drinkin with a bunch of underage kids, Brandon…contributin to the delinquency of a minor, violation of probation…back to prison for at least six months, but probably 3-5..._

"Brandon?"

His hand was on my chest as he looked up at me, his pretty cocoa eyes wide as he whispered, "When you're ready to leave, just tell me, okay? If it's too much, we can turn right around and go home…"

The little fucker melted me all the fuckin time…he was so nice…and he cared about me…and I liked that he said 'home' and not 'your place.'

Flickin the cigarette to the ground, I slide my arms around his waist, pullin him close as I smile down at that sweet little face, "I'll be okay, Princess…just don't go too far…"

His eyes lit up as he leaned into my chest and grinned, "I'm not going anywhere…"

I was givin myself a little metal pep talk as we followed Jay and Eddie 'round the back to where some bouncer let us all in…I reminded myself that these people had done a fuckin lot for me…risked their own asses by lyin to the cops, stuck up for me…they got my utmost respect and I didn't wanna do somethin stupid again to put them in that predicament…

They was loyal to me and where I come from, that shit's rare and when you get it, you respect it cuz it's easy to fake almost everything…love, honesty, trust…but you can't fake loyalty cuz when shit's fucked up, people show their true intentions…

So I could do this without fuckin up…

Takin a deep breath, I follow Brady's ass inside cuz I get distracted by it and all I can see is that perfect little bubble in them skin tight jeans, that little flash of a dark, toned tummy whenever he turns to smile at me as his shirt rides up just enough to tease the fuck outta me…

His hand is grippin mine as we step out into the club and holy fuckin shit…

The music is loud and dirty as fuck and you can barely hear anything else…the lights are flashin colors across stages where half naked men are dancing on poles up high above the sea of men grindin the shit outta each other on the dance floor…

There was just…men everywhere…it was kinda like prison…only ya know, more colorful and consensual…and no dancing though that woulda made shit a little more interestin…

I must've looked kinda stupefied cuz Brady grabbed my arms, pullin me into his back as he wrapped them around him and looked over his shoulder at me with a wink, "Stay close…"

So, I did…I held him close as we made our way through the crowds to find a table in the corner cuz I didn't like to sit with people at my back…

I had to take a few deep breaths as I glanced around at all the men…

There were little twinks dressed in tight clothes and showing off tons of skin…and big guys like me…and every other kinda guy in between…big, little, tall, short, skinny, chubby…but they was all dancing and laughin and…well rubbin all over each other…

It was weird…but not like…unpleasant…

Still, I was glad when I slipped into my chair with my back against the wall. Brady started to pull out the chair next to me but I just yanked him onto my lap cuz I needed him…

And not gonna lie, I just like to have his ass so close to my dick…

Cuz that's where it belongs…

I was still a little nervous but soon two shots was being handed my way as Jeremiah laughed, "We do two right off the bat, I ain't been drunk with you in forever fucker so you're drinkin with me tonight…like the olden days…'cept surrounded by a bunch of half naked men that ain't half as fine as us…"

Everybody held up their shots and at his 'go' we tossed them both back.

That slow burn was familiar and comforting as it went down…I hadn't really partied since before I got locked up…back then every single day was about fuckin or gettin fucked up…or doin fucked up shit…

But I wasn't a kid no more, I was a grown man with a lifetime of lessons learned the hard way…so after those two shots, I was stickin to my beer for the rest of the night…I didn't need to get wasted like Jeremiah was obviously tryin to do…

After the shots, he kept goin and I wondered what he was tryin to forget about cuz I knew my Cuz and the way he was all hyper and chasin that blackout he was bound to have meant that somethin was troubling his mind…maybe Candace or Alice…

I'd have to talk to him later…

But he was havin a good time, him and Jay bein total cut ups while they all talked about the craziest shit…

"No way, Eddie, Wal Mart is not the place you wanna be when the zombie apocalypse breaks out…"

The redhead grinned at his husband as he swirled his straw around in his Hurricane, "It has everything, Jay! You just have to fortify the windows but think of it, food, supplies, even shot guns!"

Emmett chuckled, setting down his Heineken and shook his head, "Gun store first, then maybe Wal Mart…that's a lot of fucking zombies, man…are you really gonna trust Wal Mart for all your weapons?"

Then a plump little ass was bouncing on my lap as Brady giggled, "Gun store, then shoe store, then Wal Mart…"

Suzie snorted and slammed her beer down on the table, giggling right along with him, "A shoe store, darlin? Really? Ya know they got shoes at Wal Mart…"

Brady raised an eyebrow and smirked, "The last shoes that might ever grace my cute little toes will not be from Wal Mart…besides, I'd need pink Nikes…so mad mobs of angry renegade survivors wouldn't kill me and take my shoes…'cause they're pink…and I'd look fabulous in them…"

Now I started chuckling as the alcohol began to settle in, "Why the fuck would someone steal your shoes in a zombie apocalypse, Princess?"

He looked truly confused for a moment before he broke into a drunken grin, cheeks all flushed red and hair getting messy, "Because, Brandon…when people go crazy, they steal shoes…I've watched Gangland…I'm down…"

That straight faced comment broke me and I started laughin like I hadn't laughed in a long time…the alcohol helped but they were fun to be around too…

And I watched, amused while I sipped my beer as they moved on to another round of shots…then things started gettin' more interesting…

"Dude, that's your sister out there…she's really fuckin hot but you're a real perv to be watchin this right now…"

Jeremiah just snickered at Emmett as he held one hand over his eye, "I'm blockin her out, fucker…I'm focusin on your wife…she's a fuckin MILF…"

Emmett tagged his shoulder but then grinned as he slurred out, "Four years ago, I watched Alice and Rosalie make out…hard…Alice is a little hell cat…"

Jeremiah's eyebrow rose, "Did you talk them into it or was it their idea? Do you think we can get them to do it? Fuck…Brady, go get Suzie and dance with her, she's fuckin up the porn in my head right now…"

Emmett piped in, "Fuck no, she's helping my porn…"

And Jeremiah hit Emmett this time and they both just chuckled like old perverts as they watched the girls.

They were goin at it on the dance floor, Suzie and Rose sandwichin little Alice between them as they slithered all over each other. They were tossin little glances this way and giggling at the straight boys that couldn't take their eyes off them…

Brady turned and smiled as he pressed his lips to mine for a quick kiss, "Do you care if I go dance with Suzie?"

But I slid my fingers into the hair on the nape of his neck and kissed him a little longer and a little deeper 'fore lettin him go…

When I let go, he let out a raspy breath as his swollen lips broke into a sweet smile.

"Yeah, Brady, go dance, babe…"

I smacked his ass when he stood and he let out a yelp as he turned, smirkin at me as he sashayed that fine ass out to the dance floor…

But other men were lookin at it too and I swear to God if one dared to reach out and touch that sweet ass, I was takin his fuckin hand…

_Dumb ass…you don't even have a knife no more…calm your ass down and watch Brady dance…_

Then the air left my lungs as my hazy eyes landed on those slender little hips twistin and rollin to the heavy beat of the music…that tight shirt clingin to his stomach, raised just enough to give me a little peek at that dark skin underneath…his jeans sat low enough on his hips that I could see the sexy little 'V' that dipped below the zipper…

I licked my dry lips and took another pull from my beer, then grabbed a square from Jay but my eyes never left the sexy little man on the dance floor. He was lost in the music and the way he moved his body was mesmerizing…

He was so fuckin sexy…

I admit, I kinda expected him to be a little clumsy and off beat but he wasn't nothin like that…he was carefree and confidant…eyes closed, hair messy…not givin a fuck as he moved to the music…

Lettin out a breath, I rip my hoodie up over my head cuz all of a sudden it's hot as fuck in here…the t-shirt is too tight but as I tuck my hair back behind my ear, I catch Brady's gaze…

And then I watch the corner of his mouth quirk into a sly little grin as his hand trails down over his stomach, teasin me as he teases his own skin…those hips are just swirling around, rollin like he's one of those little Egyptian belly dancers and my mind flitters to strange and wonderful places…

But then a hand on my arm, breaks my gaze from my man's hips and I look up to see a young lookin little blonde boy…

He's grinning as he tongues the end of his straw in some fruity drink, "I like your tattoos…they're really hot…"

I'm tempted to tell him to fuck off cuz I'm busy but my eyes flash to Brady's again to see a look on his face that made my dick jump…

Those chocolate eyes were givin Blondie an evil bitch glare and I kinda wondered what would happen if I just played dumb, like I didn't know this kid was hittin on me…would Brady just shrug it off or would he fight for me?

I wouldn't let him get in a fist fight but I gotta admit that I thought it was hot when boys stood up for what was theirs…I was a possessive fucker, I own up to that shit, what's mine is mine and nobody better fuck with it…Brady was mine…I wondered if I was his…

I broke into a grin as he made his way back to the table, my eyes never left his as I just shrugged in disinterest at the boy, "Yeah thanks…"

The kid started talkin again but I was focused on the wild eyed boy stalkin towards me…and trippin slightly over someone's foot but quickly recoverin…I bit down on my bottom lip to keep my face from splittin in a grin…

_Fuck I love this crazy ass boy…_

When he finally reached me, there were no words, no bitchy comments or insults to the other boy…he just stepped up and took what was his…

_That's it, Princess…claim your dick…_

In one smooth move, he was flingin blondie's hand from my arm as he straddled my lap, fingers moving into my hair as he rolls his hips against my dick and shoves his tongue down my throat…

Then thank God, Halleujah, my hands have a firm hold on two round cheeks of the finest ass that I ever got the pleasure of squeezin…

He moaned into my mouth, pushing harder against me still as his short nails clenched at my hair…I couldn't help but push roughly back up into him as I pulled him down onto me…

I was so fuckin hard, I just wanted to bend him over the fuckin table and show every god damn man in here just who this fine ass belonged to…

But then I heard Jay snicker, "Ya'll are as bad as me and Eddie…"

Brady breaks from the kiss, panting and flushed, as he grins lookin all blissed out, "You're here with me, Brandon…when we're not together, then whatever but right now, you're mine so don't even think about talking to some slutty little twink while you're with me…"

I fuckin loved it…cuz all I wanted to be was his…

So I smirked as I brushed the pretty black hair from his face and looked into his eyes, "I'm all yours, Princess…"

The rest of 'em were talkin but me and Brady was just caught up in each other as we smiled, not needin to really say anything cuz I could see it in his eyes and tell by the way he wanted to claim me that he was fallin for me just like I was fallin for him…

When I set out to start somethin with Brady, I honestly never intended to fall as hard as I did…

But it was game over now cuz this is all I ever really wanted…someone to fight for me…and not turn their back on me the minute I fuck up…someone that doesn't put up with my shit when I try to get away with too much…cuz I need fuckin boundaries and somebody to give a fuck…

I needed Brady…

He was all I ever wanted…

The feel of his soft little fingers, stroking the scruff on my chin brought me back as my hazy eyes focused those pretty cocoa eyes starin right back at me…

_God he's so fuckin pretty…_

It's about now that I'm realizing I'm pretty tipsy…and I need to regain a little control so I smile as I grip those slender hips, "Why don't you go dance for me some more…"

The adorable little bastard pouts out his bottom lip and bats his long eyelashes over those caramel eyes, "Why don't you dance with me…"

But I ain't no where near that drunk and I don't fuckin plan to be…

"Sorry, Princess, I don't dance…"

Eddie reached over and tapped his shoulder with a crooked grin, "Would you like to dance with me, Brady?"

Brady giggled and I thought it was kinda cute how Edward was all proper and polite and shit…

Eddie wasn't no threat and was like a perfect gentleman so I could deal with them dancin together…

He turned his eyes back to mine and I just smiled, "Go play, babe…"

With a sly chuckle he leans forward and kisses my lips once, and again…then I felt his soft lips on the stubble of my cheek leavin a warm, open mouthed kiss as he whispers, "Okay, daddy…"

My dick is jumpin the fence and breakin free…I'm so god damn hard and that little mother fucker just pulls away giggling as he takes Edward's hand before runnin off to the dance floor.

Call me an old pervert but I fuckin liked it when he called me daddy…

I watch Eddie pull him out on the dance floor and it's cool at first, they're just talkin…hands are in appropriate places as they laugh and sway…

But then Edward's long slender fingers start trailin down his backside, then squeezing _my _ass!

And 'fore I can even think the thought, Jay is pointing at me as he slides in the chair next to me, "Don't even think about cuttin' my husband's hand off…"

He grins and I just watch in shock as Brady's hand slides up his chest and what the mother fuckin fuck, they're grindin all over each other!

My mouth drops open cuz I never thought Eddie would be so perverted, he always seems so…proper…

Jay chuckles and hands me a square, "Don't get mad, Cuz…they're just dancin…besides, look how fuckin hot it is…"

I take the cigarette and light it but honestly all my thoughts are on what's goin on in front of me on the dance floor…

Pale white skin against dark caramel skin…crazy copper colored hair and bright green eyes with shiny black locks and chocolate eyes lookin back…amused grins on both of their faces as their bodies tangle and move to the beat of the music…

For a moment I think I should be upset as Edward's hands slide over my baby's backside and he hitches a leg in between Brady's, my boy now straddling his leg while his hands slide around Edward's waist, up underneath the back of his shirt for just a second before descending down his backside…

But my dick jumps and holy shit, this _is _fuckin hot…

My head tilts as I take it all in…

Jay groans beside me as he reaches down and adjusts himself under the table and Suzie slides over next to me and grins, "Ya'll pervin on my boys?"

Unable to do anything else, I grunt a little and nod as Jay does the same thing.

She giggles and starts to say somethin else but then she's watchin the boys as she sighs, "Yeah, they're really fuckin hot…"

Brady turns in Edward's arms, pushin that sweet ass against his crotch while his hands reach back to Edward's thighs, slidin up and down as they move…

And for awhile, we just watch…

Till Jeremiah cock blocks again…I didn't even notice him leavin the table till he was up on the dance floor and wedgin himself in between the two beautiful boys with a huge grin as they laugh and begin to grind on him…

Jay huffs, "Now the fucker's ruinin the porn in my head…"

Suzie laughs, "He said he was gonna go for a twinkie sandwich but ya'll were too caught up to notice…"

Rosalie grabs Alice's hand and nods to Suzie, "Let's go try to bring Jeremiah back before he becomes the gayest 'gay' boy you know…"

We all chuckle and Jay stubbs out his cigarette before grinnin, "I'm gonna go claim my dick, Cuz…"

And I'm chucklin again cuz you sure as hell can tell we're family…

Grabbin another one of his cigarettes, I light it and take a drag when Emmett nods from a couple chairs down, "You don't dance either, huh?"

Exhaling I shake my head and laugh, "Fuck no I don't dance…"

Then he scoots over as he raises his beer and I give him a tap with mine as he grins and slurs out, "Me neither, I'd rather watch…"

And so we watch but Jeremiah and Jay have ruined the hotness of it so I just space out for a little while as I watch Brady…

The waiter snapped me outta it when he come over with two shots and smiled down at me and Emmett, "Here you go, gentlemen…"

I furrow my brow in confusion cuz we didn't order any shots but the waiter just grins and points, "From the gentleman at the bar…"

Our eyes got big as we looked over to see an older cat, in a nice suit smiling like the fuckin Cheshire cat at us as he lifts his own shot and throws it back…

Then Emmett chuckles and nudges me, "Come on, man, it's a free drink…"

I can't argue with his logic so we both pick up the shots and throw them back…then we slam the empty glasses down and break into laughter as we both flip the guy the bird at the same time.

And I'm kinda glad I'm not the only asshole…

We end up talkin a little bit bout football and shit…Em's a cool guy…and kinda sexy…

_Fuck, no more shots for me…_

From this point, I just start sippin my beer cuz I've had more than enough. I watch as Brady keeps tabs on me, checkin me out every few minutes to make sure I'm okay…I can't help but grin every time I see him look my way…

Eventually, Jay drags a very drunk Eddie back to the table and they both down the last of their drinks before he grins, "We're gonna be indisposed for awhile, Cuz…"

And Eddie is all over him, biting his neck and pulling his hair as he groans somethin in a language I don't understand but think it's pretty hot…

Then they're gone as a pantin, crazy haired little Brady plops down on my lap and guzzles his crown and coke in one gulp.

That's another thing that kinda surprises me about Brady…he doesn't really drink fruity shit, he's a crown boy…

_Shoulda known my princess would like his crown…_

We just chill for awhile, talkin bout a bunch of different shit while everyone else does their own thing around us…

.

.

.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you thought Edward was a perfect gentleman! He's like the perviest boy I know, especially when he's drunk…"

I chuckled, "He just seems so proper and shit…"

He smiled as he shook his head, "Just wait till you get to really know him…he's very sweet but when it comes to Jay, he's a total horn dog…"

Smirkin, I raise an eyebrow, "Ya'll seemed awfully friendly out there on the dance floor…"

"Eddie and I are really close…we'd never, ever do anything together but it's fun to flirt and play around…it makes Jay insane and Eddie loves all the benefits…and it's nice to have someone to dance with…I hope it didn't upset you…"

Then I'm kinda feelin bad that I wouldn't dance with him but I just don't dance…don't know how, don't really wanna know…

So I smile as I playfully lean into his neck with a little growl and take a little nibble as I chuckle, "Not upset…just horny as a two peckered billy goat…"

.

.

.

"This music sucks…"

He gasped as he smacked my arm, "It does not! This is Enrique Iglesias…he's so hot…"

I shrugged, "I doubt it…never even heard of 'em…"

It was hilarious to watch how incredulous he would look as he dug out his phone and started typin as he mumbled, "How can you have never had heard of him? He was banging Anna Kournikova…"

"Who? Never heard of her either…"

Then he shoves his phone towards me and a music video of a little latino guy shakin his ass is playin…

"Huh…he's hot…"

Brady chuckles, "Told you so…"

.

.

.

"Do you think what that asshole said 'bout Angel is true?"

I had intentionally been tryin not to think of it but it was there lingerin in the back of my mind and with the alcohol cloudin my filter, I couldn't stop thinkin bout it…

The thought of Angel sufferin so badly made my stomach clench and my eyes burn

Brady's hands slid over my cheeks, tiltin my face up to his as he began pepperin my face with soft, sweet kisses. My eyes closed at the warmth from his breath as he whispered with each kiss, "No…he didn't suffer…don't even think that for one second…he wouldn't want that…he's looking down on you…and he's so, so happy for you, Brandon…and so proud…I just know it…"

I didn't know if it was true or not but it felt good to hear…

.

.

.

"You know, you've really impressed me, Brandon…"

"How's that?"

"By your ability to bend…"

I can feel my cheeks flushin hot as I chuckle, "I don't bend near as good as you do…"

Rollin those pretty brown eyes, he grins from ear to ear and I can't help but think he looks really fuckin cute right now…shiny black hair a mess from the dancin and the smoochin and the heat…flushed and his fancy clothes all rumpled up…and best of all, he just had this freedom about him…

Like how happy and relaxed he was right now, sittin on my lap, listenin to shitty music together and just…chillin…

This is why I fell so hard…it's just so fuckin easy with Brady…

For the first time in my whole damn life, I was perfectly content.

"That's not what I meant…I just…everything this week has been moving so fast and you just…you haven't been fighting it. When you first kissed me, I didn't know what to think…like a total mind meltdown…"

He blushes and I grin…

"And when you wanted to keep us a secret, even though I was a little wary, I still jumped at the chance because…well, I'm a guy and I think about sex like a billion times a day and oh my god, look at you…it's like…not even in the realm of reality that I could ever be with someone like you…"

I didn't think it was possible for that dark skin to flush even deeper but it did as he rambled nervously. Not wantin him to be anything but chilled and calm with me, I reach up and slide my fingers along his jaw, turnin his eyes back to mine.

Then I smiled, "Cut the shit, Brady…you're a fox, you _know _you're a fox like one of them pretty boys on TV…"

The boy should definitely have more confidence…I wasn't bullshittin or nothin, the little fucker was sexy as fuck…

He grinned, pullin that plump bottom lip under his teeth for a moment before tiltin his chin up like the sassy little bitch he is, "Well, I suppose I must be hot stuff to tip the scales to 'totally gay' in your internal level of gayness meter…"

That made me chuckle as I nodded and pulled them pretty lips to mine…labels still didn't really matter much to me…whatever I was…I was in love with the sweet boy on my lap…

.

.

.

I was expectin to have a meltdown tonight at some point, a panic attack or somethin but nothin ever came…sure I had a few little moments of discomfort every now and then, but Brady seemed to always keep my mind occupied with other things.

I was really grateful for that.

Time had flown by and I couldn't believe it when Jay said it was almost two in the mornin and he needed to get Eddie back to my place cuz he kept fallin asleep on him…

So after a quick stop at a Taco Bell on the way back home cuz Brady and Eddie both pointed and yelled, "Tacos!" at the same time when we passed it, we finally made it back to my place.

Since it was really just a big studio apartment where we'd all be in the same room, Eddie chuckled against Jay's neck, "It's a family sleepover…"

Jay chuckled and brushed the red hair from his forehead, "A little different, baby boy…no parents…"

He raised an eyebrow, flashin that familiar smirk while Eddie groaned and rubbed up against him a little bit…

I quickly gave 'em all the few extra blankets and pillows I had cuz I was anxious to get Brady to bed, but I did offer the girls clean t-shirts to sleep in and the boys sweats…but I just stripped down to my boxers cuz it's not like I was shy and shit…and it didn't surprise me when I seen Jay and Jeremiah do the same. Jay and Eddie were cuddled up on the floor with the pillow under Jay's head and Eddie's cheek resting against his cheek while he brushed his fingers through that boy's crazy hair…

Jeremiah and Alice were not too far from them, on the floor too.

Emmett and Rosalie were snuggled on the couch and Suzie had stumbled off into the bathroom, headin straight to a long, hot bath.

Brady threw on one of my t-shirts and left his undies on…I couldn't see them, but in the dark, underneath the blanket with his leg draped over mine, I could feel soft, silky material beneath my rough palms.

Squeezin that little bubble of an ass, I moan softly into his mouth as his hands run all over my bare chest. We've been makin out for a few minutes now but I really hope he knows that I have every intention of fuckin him tonight.

I don't give a good god damn bout the others, almost every time I've ever fucked, it's been in a room with other people it. When I was homeless, every now and then I'd find a buddy to let me crash at his place on the floor of his room…they'd always have chicks over, their girlfriend and some tag along bitch that I'd get to nail. The girls were usually bitches and ghetto trash but I went along with it cuz…why the fuck not, my life sucked anyway, might as well at least get off once in awhile…

So my buddy would bang his girl in his bed, I'd bang some slut on the floor and it was no big deal.

But Brady wasn't like them nasty bitches I fucked…he's classy and shit…though he is kind of a closet freak cuz the boy did lick my asshole and that's some nasty, freaky, awesome as fuck type shit…

The lights were off and it was hard to see with just the little sliver of moonlight peekin through the blinds. And it was quiet, 'cept for the hum of the air kickin on and the muffled moans and shaky breaths comin from all over the room.

I'm glad I wasn't the only one that planned on gettin my dick wet tonight…

Brady was on fire, his smooth, soft skin so warm underneath my fingers and against my chest that it felt like I was burnin…his soft, silky underwear was killin me too…I was dyin to see what they looked like…but I had to get him out of my damn t-shirt first.

I shifted my weight so that I was more on my back while I dragged his helpless body on top of me so that he was straddling my leg. Now his silky bulge was slowly startin to grind against my thigh as I groan soft into his hot mouth, tanglin one hand in that sexy black hair while the other helps push his ass a little harder against me.

Kissin him hard, I hold him to me by the back of his hair, stealin his breath away as my hand reluctantly leaves that soft, thick ass to begin draggin his shirt up over it and eventually off. When I pull away from the kiss, he's gaspin and heavin for air still as I take advantage and rip the shirt over his head, tossin it far away before he can even register…

I'm expectin a little resistance since he ain't ever really done nothin like this with other people around but maybe all the pantin and moanin is gettin to him cuz he doesn't even stop…

He kisses me again and it's so desperate…

I've never been wanted the way he wants me…women have been anxious to fuck, sure, but they were never so eager that their whole body seemed to shake with want and desire, unable to get enough of my lips or the feel of my skin…

I've never kissed so much in my life as I had with Brady…it left my lips feelin bruised and swollen and my dick would get so hard that I swear the fucker was thinkin of a prison break cuz kissin Brady was always too fuckin much and never enough at the same fuckin time…

My hands traveled down his back, along his spine as it arches, lettin me feel that perfect curve of his ass…

He breathed shamelessly against my mouth as he pushed his hard dick against my thigh again…that silky fabric was drivin me crazy and I broke from the kiss with a shallow gasp as I whispered, "I wanna see you…"

When we first started makin out, he had drug the covers up over our head which was okay since the place was cool cuz of the central air, though I did feel kinda like a teenager again, but after bout twenty minutes of goin at it, I was hot and sweaty and desperate to see these fancy undies…

I attacked his neck, nippin and suckin on the sensitive skin as he shuddered, "B-but…the o-others…"

I just chuckled breathlessly, "Fuck 'em…I'm fuckin you tonight…"

Holdin onto him tight, I slowly leaned him back till I was hoverin above him. Immediately, his arms wrapped around my neck, the goosebumps on his skin ticklin my own as he clung helplessly to me while I took the opportunity to mark what was mine.

He writhed underneath me as I sucked and bit at the juncture of his neck and shoulder till I'm sure it was all bruised. He didn't act like it bothered him, tiltin his head to give me more room as he groaned and grunted quietly, tryin to keep a grip on the sounds that I tried to draw from him.

Eventually, he was the one that pushed the covers back as he gasped for air and I got a glimpse of toned, tanned skin, glistenin from sweat in the pale moonlight that crept in from the blinds revealin the sexiest pair of simple black silky boy shorts. They were snug against his dark skin, nothin adorable or funny like his other underwear but sexy and sophisticated.

I can see him smile as I stare…my hand reaches out and cups his firm dick, slidin the silky material over it as he arches his back and moans softly before catchin his breath, stifling any sound.

But before I can say anything, Jasper moans an, "Oh fuck yeah…" pretty loudly, followed by a smackin sound and Eddie's whisper screamin, "You said you'd be quiet, Jay!"

Then there's giggling all over the room as Jay chuckles breathlessly, "Can't help it, baby boy, you're too god damn good…please don't stop…"

Brady's hand was over his mouth as he stifled his laughter and I chuckled when I heard Jeremiah, "Yeah, pretty boy…everyone in earshot is fuckin right now…"

Suzie's yell came from the bathroom, "I'm not!"

I could hear Edward whispering, "Oh my God," lowly under his breath and Jeremiah laughed again.

"Besides, it ain't like we're switchin partners and shit…'less Rosie, darlin, you wanna leave that big bear and come on over to the dark side…"

Then I heard, what I assumed was a pillow fly across the room and hit Jeremiah with an 'umphf' and Emmett laugh, "Fuck you, Jeremiah…"

Now Rosalie's voice chimed in, "Now that sounds hot…"

Then Alice giggled, "Hell yeah, I'd get in on that action…"

Jeremiah chuckled again, "Yo, B…you 'bout to lay some pipe, Cuz?"

Brady's eyes went wide as his mouth dropped open and I laughed, "Yeah, Cuz…"

"See Eddie, we're all gettin' our freak on…so go on, let your flag fly…"

Eddie was giggling like mad when he answered, "It would be much easier to let my freak flag fly if we all just quit talking to each other for awhile…"

Jeremiah scoffed like he was offended then chuckled, "Yo, B! Toss me some condoms, Cuz…"

I groan and sigh while Brady laughs, then I pull away to reach over to the nightstand drawer. Quickly I pull out the box and grab two strips, tossin one on the bed and hollerin, "They're magnum, you might have to roll 'em up at the top a few times…"

Tossin them over to where I see his stupid dimpled grin, he catches them and laughs, "Fuck you, B…"

I'm still chuckling as I grab the lube and toss it on the bed too, then shut the drawer before slidin back over top my waitin' boy…

I settle myself in between his legs, whisperin as I slide those sexy undies off, "You gotta model these for me some time…"

His body was already flushed as he giggled, "Maybe I'll take pictures and send them too you…"

I smiled but I hated bein reminded that I only had one more night with him after this…only one more night with all of them. They was leavin Sunday mornin and tomorrow was Saturday.

The laughter had quieted down and was now replaced with much different sounds…breathless moans and whispered curse words…springs squeakin from the couch and skin slappin skin…

I took my time fingerin Brady, lovin the feel of his tight, hot ass around my slick fingers as I watched his pretty dick twitch and leak so that the head was plump and glistenin in the faint light…

Leanin down, I took it between my lips as I stretch him and his fingers are tangled in my hair. I really didn't mind suckin dick as much as I thought I would…in fact, I liked suckin Brady's…the skin was soft against my tongue but his dick was strong as it stood firm and hard…

He was writhin underneath my touch, clawin at the sheet beneath him as his eyes clenched shut and he gasped, "I'm ready…God, I'm so ready, Brandon…please…"

Removin my fingers, the loss of his heat made me shudder as I thought about what it would be like to raw dog him…no condom, just his hot, tight body around mine…no barrier keeping me from feelin him and only him…the thought was almost enough to make me cum…

I wanted to…_fuck, _did I want to but I had been with a few people since I got tested in prison and as selfish as I may be, I could never put someone like Brady at risk just cuz I was a horny bastard.

So I pushed those thoughts away as I grabbed a condom and tore it from the strip. Once I rolled it down and lubed it up, I leaned down over him so that I could barely see his smiling little face as I positioned it at his ass…

He wrapped his arms around me and giggle-whispered, "I feel so dirty…"

But then I heard Jay grunt out, "Ugh, harder, Eddie…"

And it caused me to pause for a second cuz I didn't know that Jay let Eddie fuck him…I assumed that Jay was doin all the fuckin…

Brady's fingers diggin into my shoulders and his legs wrappin tight around my waist urged me on and all thoughts were forgotten the moment the head of my dick slipped inside him.

He was always so hot and so snug around my dick, fittin me like a glove as I carefully pushed forward, buryin myself inside…

He arched and cried out, all thoughts of embarrassment givin way as he moaned, "Ugh…Brandon, God…yes…fuck, yes…"

I loved it when I made that pretty mouth say dirty things so as soon as I had myself under control, I sat back on my knees, holdin his thighs as I gave him short, hard strokes, a little to the side so that I brushed his sweet spot over and over…

He moaned shamelessly…clawin at everything around him desperately tryin to anchor himself to somethin from the rapid, almost violent thrusts of my hips as I chased my own orgasm…

But all the sounds and the way his body felt meltin under my touch was drivin me to the edge much too fast…

I had to slow it down or this would be over way too fast and I would not be the first Whitlock to cum that night…

So, I let go of his thighs and fell over him, my arms hooked underneath his shoulders as I held him tight. He gasped at the change in position and his hands were everywhere along my back and arms and ass, encouraging me to fuck him the way I was…

Long, hard thrusts, using the power behind my hips to sink all the way inside and pull almost all the way out before plunging back in…

Our bodies were hot and sweaty…the sounds were dirty, slappin and wet as hard grunts through clenched teeth turned into loud, desperate cries…

I could hear all the others too…skin against skin, whispered pleas for more from their lover as the air became thick and sticky…

Jeremiah was pantin, his voice rough as he grunted, "Fuck, woman…your pussy is so fuckin good…"

From the corner of my eye, I could see that she was on top, ridin him like a natural born cow girl…then I caught the sight of Edward on top of Jay's back underneath a blanket, fuckin him slow as he placed kisses everywhere he could reach…and I quickly brought my focus back to Brady…but not before I see Rosalie's head hangin over the edge of the couch, Em's mouth coverin her nipples as the couch squeaks like crazy underneath them…

When I turn my eyes back down to the boy underneath me, he's lookin over at the others before his eyes snap to mine wide cuz he just got caught…

Then we both break out into grins…then laughter, and I'm glad he's just as dirty as me so I ain't gotta feel bad.

I lean down and take his lips and our giggles turn into heavy breathin as we slow down a little…this ain't a fuckin race and I'm just fine and dandy drawin this shit out for as long as I can cuz my muscles are achin from all the shit I did today and the slow strain as I try not to break the boy in two…I'm sweaty, hot and burnin from the inside out…I'm buzzin still from the alcohol, on the edge of exhaustion but mother fuckin hallejuah I have never felt so god damn good in my whole life…

He's drainin me of stress and worry and even thought as his body shudders and trembles beneath me, his heat just drawin me in so completely cuz it wasn't possible to feel cold when I was with him…

It was mystifying how such a little guy could make me feel so fuckin warm…

I reached down between us, wrappin my rough palm around his dick and he broke from the kiss with a gasp as his fingers clenched at my back and shoulders…

He was comin apart underneath me, head shakin back and forth, heels diggin into my ass, and mumblin incoherently…I was caught up in the sight of him as he let go cuz there ain't ever been nothin as pretty as Brady but the second he clenched hard around me, I was thrown off the fuckin edge hard…

His hot cum spilled out over my fingers and only added even more heat as it made a mess between out stomachs…and I had one arm underneath his shoulder, holdin him so fuckin tight he couldn't dare move while I started cummin harder than I ever had before…my other hand was tangled in his hair, as I gasped from the force of my orgasm…

For as long as I could, I drew it out until my body just collapsed…

I quickly rolled to the side so I wouldn't crush him but he just held on and collapsed on top of me. We both chuckled breathlessly for a second before just takin a few minutes to catch our breath…but we never let go of each other.

His cum was all sticky between us and it was likely we'd be stuck together in the mornin but I couldn't get my body to move if I tried.

The air was cool around us and I expected to get chilly from it hittin the sticky sweat and dryin cum but I had never been so warm before and fallen asleep so completely satisfied.

**A/N: Eeek only one more day together! Lol**


	17. Chapter 17

*****PLEASE READ THIS IMPORTANT A/N*****

***taps on screen* Remember me? I'm sorry for the utter fail in updates, all I can say is RL has been crazy but I will never abandon my stories, even if it takes me a while to update. **

**And for more important news, I'm sure most of you have heard about the uproar on FF about not allowing mature stories on their site anymore. I'm gonna be honest, it pisses me off that they're deleting people's stories and profiles with no warnings after we've been here for years. I've known several authors that have lost all of their writing on FF. For this reason, I will be moving all of my stories off of FF within the next month. Don't worry, I plan on keeping the first chapter posted here and I will update each chapter with a link of where my story is updated.**

**I'm moving to The Writer's Coffee Shop and An Archive of Our Own. Links are on my profile or you can search for me under mistyhaze420. I've only started updating those sights so I will keep my stuff here until I have it all fully moved to the other sites.**

**Is that too confusing? Let me know your thoughts and feel free to pm me. I hope you guys will continue to follow the story. I hate that FF has resorted to this fuckery but it is what it is. **

**But just to re-iterate…I WILL be finishing TTAF and doing an LL sequel in the future. I will be posting the first chapter here and then the updated chapters will be links to the other sites I will be publishing on from now on. Sorry guys, if you have any better ideas, please let me know.**

**Oh and one last thing, jeez, I'm long winded as fuck…but this is only half of their last night together…yeah like I said, I'm long winded as fuck, lol.**

**Brady's POV**

He was asleep even before he took the condom off. I was exhausted, thoroughly sexed and still a little tipsy as I gently removed the condom and tied it up. It was squishy and kind of gross since I had never really messed with a condom before.

I wondered what it would be like to really feel him when we fucked…just skin on skin…the wet heat of him cumming inside of me…

I wondered what it would feel like to be the one wearing a condom…would it be restrictive…take away some of the pleasure…

And then I wondered what it would feel like to be inside of Brandon…it wasn't often that I allowed myself to drift off into daydreams of topping, especially with someone like Brandon who was most certainly the toppiest of tops…but for a moment I closed my eyes and got lost in the sensations of raw heat and the thought of big, broad shoulders and muscled back flexing as I sunk into him from behind…that perfect ass squeezing my dick in the most delicious of ways…bucking strength and corded muscles sweaty and twitching…

But then my dick twitched, causing me to sigh regrettably because my daddy was sleeping now so I'd have to wait till later to play again…besides, I was sticky and icky and really needed to pee.

Very reluctantly, I peeled myself away from his chest and had to slowly maneuver my way out of his death lock. Eventually, I managed to wiggle my way out without waking him and since my clothes were haphazardly thrown across the room, I grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and threw it on. Under normal circumstances, I would be upset that my good clothes were lying wrinkled on the floor because I try to take very good care of my nicer clothes. Most of them are gifts and things from Ali or Esme.

But the chill of the night time air hits my skin and causes me to practically bounce to the bathroom, quietly lifting the toilet seat. Once I start to go, my eyes close as pure relief washes over me and I sigh contentedly.

A loud splash causes me to jump and of course, I pee a little on the floor…

"Oh _holy shit_, thank God it's just you, Brady…"

I have one hand over my heart, the other around my cock and I would be upset, but the good news is, I didn't fall and bash my head against the sink and fall out unconscious or anything…not that that's ever happened before, it's just sounds like something I would do…

So I let out a breath and finished peeing, "Suzie, did you fall asleep again? You know that's dangerous…"

She giggled, then snorted, "Not as dangerous as the fuckin hand cramp I got right now…"

That made me chuckle and sway a little on my feet so I quickly shook and tucked the totem pole back…oh shit, I forgot my underwear…

"Eww, gross, Suzie…"

"Really, darlin, you're gonna call me gross when you're standin there bareass'd in front of the toilet after peein all over the floor, hair all matted, a huge ass hickey on your neck, looks like a fuckin dog bit that neck, Jesus Christ, and oh my God, Brady was that dried cum all over your stomach?"

I threw the dirty towel in the hamper after cleaning up the few dribbles and scoffed, "I did not pee all over the floor, it was a few drops and…"

And then my hazy, sleepy, slightly inebriated mind caught up as I ran in front of the mirror to examine my neck, "Oh my God, are you kidding me! Brandon, you ass…"

I muttered the last part as I cringed at the big red and purple bruise at the juncture of my shoulder and neck.

_It's okay, you can just wear collared shirts for two weeks…besides, it's kind of like he's marking me…making me his…but still, I don't want to look like a tramp…I'll just have to tell him to do it someplace not in public view…_

My dick twitched and Suzie laughed as she dried off, "You little slut, your dick totally jumped about that god awful thing on your neck…"

Chuckling, I shrugged and turned around to face her now that her vagina was covered by the towel.

"Whatever, Suzie, you were a little slut with Seth too…it's okay to be a little slutty to someone you love…and why are you looking at my dick?"

"Because I like dick and if there's one in the room that I ain't related to, I'm gonna look, can't help it…and Brady Rainbow Seneca…"

"My middle name is _not _Rainbow…"

"Hush honey bear, it's the Indian name I gave you…now what is this love business you speak of…have you told him yet?"

I groaned, cursing the alcohol and semi-coma inducing sex for the slip of my tongue. Grabbing a clean washcloth, I ran it under the water as I sighed, "No and I have absolutely no plans to…it's too soon, Suzie, I don't want to scare him off…"

As I started carefully cleaning the dried cum out of my pubes and on my chest, I could hear the sympathetic smile in her voice, "You should tell him, Brady…I bet it would do him wonders to hear that you love him…he hasn't heard it too many times in his life and I don't think it'd scare him at all…"

I turned to see her smile at me over her shoulder while she shimmied up her sleep shorts.

Leaning against the counter, I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down at the floor, "I just…I can't, Suzie…he doesn't want to be my boyfriend…he just wants to…I don't know, be friends I guess…"

She smirked while brushing her long blonde hair, "Friends my ass…the boy is head over heels, butt fuckin crazy in love with you, sugar dumplin…"

Rolling my eyes as I felt the heat rise through my body and burst into my cheeks, I shook my head because I couldn't believe that…I couldn't hold out that kind of hope and have it crushed if he decided he wanted to fuck somebody else…I mean, in all reality, I do believe it's better for us to not be official boyfriends because that way he won't have to feel guilty if he meets someone else…

Because he totally could meet someone else and I'd be a distant memory…it wouldn't be his fault, he told me once that fucking was a stress reliever to him that he hadn't gotten to use in a really long time…that he had had sex quite a bit since he got out, not a hardcore everyday thing but at least once or twice a month, sometimes more…

Her hand squeezed my non-Brandon marked shoulder and sighed, "Seriously, Brady, he loves the fuck outta you…"

Whitlock's were always known for their smooth way with words…but comforting non the less as I hold onto just a little sliver of hope that he can make it through the next six months without having sex with anyone else because he does truly love me…

Because I know it's silly to want the fairy tale, especially from the baddest of bad boys, convicted felon, and general all around badass Brandon Whitlock but I am not known for my ability to stay fervently grounded in reality, no…I'm Brady Rainbow Seneca and I wanted Brandon to pull up on campus six months from now on a big black hog, looking like the incarnation of temptation itself with that rough, stubbly chin and those fierce blue eyes and that sexy dirty blonde hair pulled back in a black bandana because it's really warm outside that day and he's wearing black boots too and everyone's just watching the gorgeous studly beast of man, waiting for the 'Barbie' doll-esque woman to come into the picture but he smiles at me, that cocky smirk and I'd giggle and hop on the back of his hog, throwing my school papers up in the air and littering the campus as we drove away into the sunset while flipping the bird to the gawking onlookers…

But sadly, I must try to keep a tight lid on this because I don't know if I could recover from getting my heart broke by a Whitlock boy…by Brandon…

I managed a shrug and a small smile, "It doesn't matter…he wants to be friends and that's probably for the best right now…that way neither of us can really hurt the other one if they meet someone else…I can't expect him to not…ya know, be with people…as far as stress relievers go, it's better than drugs or depression…so whether he loves me or not, I'll do my best to keep a smile on my face and be happy and strong for him because that's what he needs and…"

My eyes were now stinging at the thought of this being our last day together…how fast he had become a normal faction in my life turning it completely upside down until every day, every moment seemed bigger and more vivid than every day before…turning a rather dull, ordinary life to something extraordinary and epic…like a great love story…

Then I was wrapped in warmth, my head against a soft pair of t-shirt covered boobs as she stroked my hair and whispered, "Shh, now darlin…you're gonna be okay cuz you're tough and everything is gonna work out just fine in the end, baby…ya'll are as meant to be as peanut butter and jelly on white bread, one's sweet and one's nutty, I ain't sayin which is which…"

That caused me to snot sob a little bit and she thanked God I got it on the towel she was smart enough to grab before I started crying. But I did chuckle as I lifted my eyes and blew my nose on the toilet paper she was now handing me, "This is really gonna suck, Suzie…it's been so damn perfect…like one of those fantastically cheesy Nicholas Sparks movies but more ghetto and with Taco Bell…I'm just…I'm really gonna miss him…"

"I know, babe, but you're gonna talk to him all the time and maybe we can come down here again sometime this summer…"

Squaring off my shoulders, I took a deep breath and let it all out as I sighed, "Sorry for the drunken emotional outburst…I know it'll be okay…I mean, I really think we'll stay friends, then maybe when he gets to Seattle we can pick up where we left off…six months isn't that long…"

She nudged my shoulder and leaned next to me with a beautiful smile on her face, "Hey, let me let ya in on a little secret…I've never seen that boy as happy as he's been this week…I barely remember him ever laughin…nervous smiles are what I remember, the kinda smiles he gave to me and Jeremiah to put us at ease like everythin was okay when we was smart enough to know better but too young to really care…you make him really happy, Brady…and really comfortable, which is somethin I don't ever remember him bein…always waitin for the other foot to drop and the world to just open up and swallow him whole…but now he has you to open up and swallow his pecker whole…"

Now I snorted as my eyes snapped up to hers, her face dawning a crooked smile as I threw my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing so hard that I wouldn't wake the others.

I shoved her playfully and chuckled, "Whore…"

She shoved me back and giggled, "Skank…"

Then I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight, melting into her warm embrace as I whispered, "Thanks, Suzie…love you…"

She whispered back, "Anytime, babe. Love you too…"

When she pulled away, I held onto her hand and whispered, "Sorry for kind of ditching you so much this week…I'm not being a very good friend…how are you doing? How's your mom?"

The truth was that I had been so wrapped up in my own feelings that I had forgotten what she might be going through this week. This could very well be the very last time she sees her…

Pointing at the toothbrushes, she smiled, "The pink one yours?"

Giggling, I rolled my eyes and reached for it, "Yeah, let me brush mine first…"

Snatching the toothbrush and holding it up above my head, she laughed, "No way, baby doll…I know where that mouth's been…"

Letting out a breath, I conceded and let her have it because she did have a point. Tasting her cousin's cock in any sense is just wrong…

So I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against the sink, "Avoidance tactics, huh? What's up, Suzie…"

She glared and growled at me a little bit while she scrubbed her teeth, which I've come to know as common Whitlock traits…I swear, sometimes I just wanna channel my inner Steve Irwin and stand inconspicuously behind them as they growl, whispering to the onlookers about the elusive Whitlock, it's a wily creature that growls and bares it's teeth when threatened but if approached with caution, it can become quite docile…

I fought the urge to jump on her from behind and yell, 'Blimey, I got one!'

Turning, she smirked as she wiped her mouth off, "What world are you off in now, Brady?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I just mumbled, "Crocodile Hunter…"

She chuckled and handed me my toothbrush. I started brushing my teeth when she finally sighed, "Mama's not doin good…probably won't make it another two months…and I feel like shit…"

Spitting and quickly rinsing, I wiped off my mouth and turned to her, "I'm so sorry, Suzie…"

Sitting down on the edge of the tub, she patted the spot next to her and sat, jumping a little from the cold porcelain against my backside.

I grabbed her hand and she turned to me with tears in her eyes, "Can I ask you somethin?"

Squeezing her hand, I whispered, "Of course…"

She sniffled and looked down at the floor, "I think I'm a real bad person, Brady…cuz my mama is dyin and all I can think about is gettin the hell away from this place and never comin back…I miss Peter…worry bout him though Jane and Leah promised that they was lookin after him while we was gone but…I don't wanna be here…and I feel like I should feel bad that soon she'll be gone but to be real truthful…I don't know that I really care…"

This I understood.

"I get it, Suzie…I know your mom was awful while you were growing up…I know how she treated you and the things she said to you…a few years of half assed effort doesn't make her mother of the year and on the list of important things in your life, she's pretty low, just like she considered you and Jeremiah to be when you were kids…it doesn't make you a bad person because you're not over wrought with grief, honey…it makes you honest. So you don't have to try and have some life altering, bonding moment with your mom…just say good bye and let it go, babe."

Nodding her head, she sniffled again and smiled, "You're the best friend I ever had, you know that."

Wrapping my arm around her, she laid her on my shoulder as I patted her hair, "You're mine too…"

For a few minutes, I just rocked her until her sniffles had subsided and she pushed me away, snorting, "God, you're a sappy shit…"

I snorted back for good measure, "Please! You're the one that's all 'oh you're the bestest best friend I've ever had! Best friends forever and ever…"

She nudged my shoulder and giggled, "Bitch…"

This time I snorted by accident as I pushed her back, "You're a bitch too…"

Standing up, she checked her hair in the mirror and pushed her tits up before smirking, "You say that like it's a bad thing…"

I giggled as I followed her out of the bathroom and she turned to me and whispered, "For the record, I think you should just ask him to be your boyfriend…I think he'd say yes…"

Before I could protest, she held up her hands and winked, "Just think about it, love bug…nighty night…"

We quietly made our back to our prospective places, hers being the love seat and I tried very hard not to think about asking Brandon to be my boyfriend because no way was I brave enough for that.

Very carefully, I used the warm washcloth I took from the bathroom and cleaned Brandon's stomach so he wouldn't wake up all sticky. When he was clean and still out like a light, I tossed the washcloth on the floor and curled up to the most comfortable resting place I've ever known…

Ever since I was kicked out, I slept on couches or random guest beds and stuff but until I moved in with Alice, I hadn't had my very own bed…I still haven't gotten used to sleeping in the same bed with the same pillows and blankets every night…but already I was used to sleeping here with a strong, warm body pressed next to me…the scruff of his chin tickling my cheek as I trace the scars that tell his story and I'm hopeful that one day I'll know the story behind each one…

My body fits perfectly here, even the beating of our hearts eventually settling together at the same steady pace. With heavy eyes, straining for just one more glimpse of the beautiful man tangled up in me, I finally lost the battle and drifted off to sleep.

.

.

.

The dip of the bed and sudden chill that hit my bare ass as he lifted the blanket to get out of bed, is what caused me to wake…

My eyes burned as they opened, blurry and heavy but I could see by the soft rays of light through the windows that it was still very early.

Reaching over to the nightstand, I grabbed my glasses and pushed them on as I turned over to see Brandon's glorious ass just briefly before being covered up by a pair of loose basketball shorts and nothing else.

He hadn't noticed me yet as I watched him grab Jay's cigarettes off the table and very quietly open his front door and step out onto the small stairwell. I looked over at the clock and sighed at the 6:01am that taunted me with it's ugly red glare. Sighing dramatically, I jump up and stumble into the small kitchen and second nature takes over as I make the morning coffee. While it's brewing, I wobble to the bathroom, barely coherent from lack of sleep but I manage to pee again and then brush my teeth. Then I go to his dresser and pull out a pair of my sweat pants, yanking them up so that my cock isn't just hanging out.

I still have Brandon's shirt on but I like it so I'm not taking it off yet…

Then I pour us both a cup of coffee and carefully make my way outside.

When the door opens, his eyes snap up to mine, wide for a moment before he grins, "Mornin sunshine…"

Reaching out to help me, he takes the coffees as I close the door and not so gracefully plop down next to him on the wooden staircase, "Good morning…"

My voice was raspy and the early morning breeze was a bit chilly with bare feet. He handed me my mug and the hot coffee caused me to shiver as I took a sip.

But then his thigh and calf pressed so warm against mine as he scooted over and wrapped a big, warm arm around my waist…I looked up into those crystal clear-blue eyes and he grinned, but with dark circles under his eyes, "You're shiverin, Brady, get that fine ass over here and warm up…"

And then I melted against him, cuddled into his side with my head over his heart. His fingers were so strong as he massaged my hip through the thin layer of cotton that separated us.

Taking another sip of my coffee, I hummed in contentment as I looked up at him, "You didn't get much sleep…"

He took a drag from his cigarette before looking down at the ground, and sighing, "Sorry I woke you up…"

I sat my coffee on the step below me then I pressed my palm to his bare chest, loving the feel of the soft, blonde hair underneath my fingertips and warm, rough skin…

Sighing dazily, I smirked up at him, "Mmm…I'm not sorry…I don't want to waste a minute with you…"

But he just chuckled as his calloused fingertips slid across my cheek, "You look like you're about to fall over, Princess…why don't you go on back to bed a few hours…"

I shook my head stubbornly but then I yawned and swayed a little, "I'm fine…I just…wanna be with you…"

Had I been a little more coherent, I'm sure I would've had a moment of panic, thinking that I shouldn't come off as so needy but luckily, my head was swimming in exhaustion so I simply didn't care.

The door opening, caused my sleepy eyes to turn up to see Jay with his hand down his basketball shorts, scratching his balls while holding a coffee cup with the other hand. He grinned when he saw us but he still scratched his balls for a moment before pulling his hand out and scratching his belly, "Mornin…"

His voice was rough and raw this morning too.

We said good morning and Brandon nudged me, "Ya wanna curl up in my lap, babe, and take a nap? That way Jay can sit down cuz he looks like he's gonna fall over too…"

Honestly, I was already half asleep by this time so I barely nodded and whispered, "So sleepy…"

The next thing I know, I'm being cradled on his lap, curled against his bare chest, warm skin pressed against my cheek and hands as I find a comfortable place on his hip to rest them. I breathe in deeply, his scent and heat filling me and overwhelming my senses into complete serenity…

Jasper gasps and rasps out, "What the fuck did you do to his neck, man, gnaw on it? He's gonna kick your ass when he sees that…"

I just chuckle as I snuggled even deeper into Brandon's warmth.

But the morning breeze on my bare feet make me shiver again as Jasper sits down next to Brandon and chuckles, "He's so little…you can just like, put him in your pocket and keep him…"

The vibration of his chest as he chuckles lowly is soothing and I can't keep my eyes open any longer…I fall asleep to the sound of his raspy voice sighing deeply, "Wish I could…"

.

.

.

"…switch it up a little bit…"

Jay's voice flitters in somewhere while I'm in a semi-conscious state and I find myself involuntarily straining to stay coherent enough to hear this conversation…

"…I bottomed the first time with Eddie and yeah it hurt like hell at first but once I got used to it, it was fuckin amazing…to feel the person you love most in this whole world inside of you…there's nothin like it…so yeah, the pain is fuckin worth it…'sides, I don't know 'bout you, but I like a little pain sometimes…don't look at me like that…I heard about your midget fetish…"

Somewhere in my clouded mind, I realized that Jay had been answering a question for Brandon but on the forefront of my sleep addled brain, all I could think of was, 'Fuck yes, I soooo wanna tap that…'

Then…

_Wait? What? Midgets?_

.

.

.

"She's gonna try and take me to court…get visitations and shit, fuckin bitch…"

It was Jeremiah's raspy voice spitting out angry words that woke me next. Brandon sighed and the feel of his chest underneath my cheek caused me to open my sleepy eyes warily.

Jay's hands were wrapped around my little feet, keeping them all toasty as I followed his eyes up to see Jeremiah leaning against the railing of the porch. He was taking a drag from a cigarette in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts…and I truly meant nothing because I could see the outline of his cock where the thin material draped against it.

He looked so upset and I hated seeing him like that…Brandon and Jay started talking to him and I tried to pay attention but the chilly air made me snap my eyes shut, burying my face into his warm chest…and I was out again…

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.

.

The next time I woke up, I was lying against his naked body on his bed…he was asleep and I thanked god as I wiped the bit of my drool from my chin and his chest. Then my weary eyes looked around the apartment to see that everyone was gone. We were finally alone.

I looked over his sleeping form, taking his beauty all in, knowing good and well that this might be the last day I ever see him like this…if I ever see him again, he'll probably be with somebody else…

The very thought causes my chest to feel like it's caving in as I just melt into him and hold on for as long as I can…this has been the very best week of my entire life…but soon the clock would strike twelve and the coach would turn into a pumpkin…

To distract myself from sad thoughts, I decided to wake him up with a blow job.

.

.

.

An hour later, we were both out of the shower and dressed, the late morning activities threatening to keep us bed ridden all day but the growls of our bellies superseding the growls of our other, more primal hunger.

But there was still a lot that needed to be done today and as much as I relished the thought of staying in bed until I had to go home, it was impossible.

The day's schedule was already full but I couldn't wait to get him alone again tonight…our last night.

_Wish it wasn't our last night…wish he'd say he wants to stay with me and that the distance was no big deal…_

I sighed deeply as I stared at the cracked sidewalk. He squeezed my hand a little causing me to look up into those big, blue eyes as we walked, "What's wrong, Princess? You're bein' real quiet…"

Letting out a breath, I smiled the best I could and squeezed his hand back, "I'm okay…just…ya know, thinking…"

We arrived at a little diner down the street from his place and he grinned as he opened the door for me, "C'mon, Brady, ya gotta give me more than that…"

I loved that he held my hand and opened the door for me.

Sliding into a booth, he slid across from me and smiled sweetly as he reached across the table to grab my hand again, "If you're worryin bout tomorrow, don't…"

God, I couldn't help it! I was so depressed!

But, alas, I was Brady 'Rainbow' Seneca and just like my slightly less fabulous forefathers, I would face this adversity head on with strength and courage and a fierce determination…

"I think we should be boyfriends…"

_Crap! I meant to channel my Indian forefather's not my inner Suzie! Ugh, she knew exactly what she was doing with that little comment…just think about she said…evil bitch…_

My eyes were just as wide as his…that's not exactly what I meant to say but sometimes I just can't fight the stupidity that comes out of my mouth…

"Yeah, um…because we're great together and um…it's just a few months…so yeah, that's what I'm thinking…um…ok…so yeah, what are you thinking?"

Those clear blue eyes were wide and his mouth still hung open as his cheeks flushed underneath the dirty blonde scruff…

There was a part of me that wanted to spit out that it was okay…we didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do…but the bigger, obviously more dominant part, wanted a commitment from him. I realized this was huge for him and perhaps it wasn't completely fair to just spring this on him but the heart wants what it wants…and it wants him…

The waitress comes and Brandon is still in shock so I smile as politely as I can and order us a couple of Dr. Peppers and ask if she can give us a few minutes…

Once she leaves, I look across the table and sigh, "Brandon, how do you feel about me?"

He's still shell shocked, breathing a little heavily but otherwise just sitting there dumb founded.

I'm trying to figure out what he's thinking but his face is giving nothing away and to avoid exasperation, I let out a breath and ask, "Do you like me?"

Immediately, his head nods and so I decide to keep going…

"Do you like me a lot?"

His eyes fall to the table but his lips curl slightly as he nods again. The blush that covers his cheeks is beautiful and I can't help but giggle at my affect on him.

Leaning over the table, I smile as I look up into his eyes, "Do you…_more _than like me?"

Now his neck and ears flush a deep crimson as he leans on one elbow on the table, raising his eyes to mine as he tucks the fallen strands of unruly blonde waves behind his ears. He grins, a deep dimpled grin as he nods again.

Shy Brandon is absolutely adorable.

I grin back as I lean a little further and whisper, "I _more _than like you too…"

His eyes drop as his face threatens to crack from the broad smile he wears as he plays with a napkin on the table, folding it like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

I watch him for a moment…one of my favorite things to do. His shoulders are hunched over as he slouches sloppily in the booth, the plain white tee covered by a thin blue plaid flannel…his hair tucked behind his ears, unruly strands falling into his eyes…and that god damn magnificent scraggly, scruffy chin that teases and tickles every time it brushes against my skin…especially in my most sensitive areas…

When I used to envision my dream man, this was not what I pictured…the body type, yes, but I always saw a more refined man that wore expensive suits and had his fingernails manicured…the kind of man that would take me fancy places and show me a whole new world…

Brandon had shown me a whole new world…not the beautiful, imaginary backdrops of my dreams but something tangible…something raw and brutal but fiercely real…and these days, I'd take reality over dreaming every time…

I have discovered that I love the feel of rough coarse skin against my own…the way his whiskers scratch the sensitive flesh on my thighs or my neck…the sweet, shy boy that would blush and grin like crazy from something as simple as a smile…and the man that protected savagely what he claimed as his own…

The dream man was gone and replaced with something much, much better…if only he would try to have a relationship with me after I left…

"Yes…"

My eyes snapped up to see him grinning and instantly I was grinning back, "Yes, what?"

He cleared his throat as he shrugged and looked back down at the table for just a moment before lifting his eyes to mine, "Um…you did ask me to be your boyfriend, right?"

Now I'm the one with wide eyes and sitting there with my mouth hanging open, completely stupefied as I nodded slowly…

Grinning, he tucked the fallen strands back again as he leaned forward, "I'm sayin yes."

_Suzie ,you brilliant, wonderful girl!_

Before I could even think about what I was doing, I launched myself across the table and planted a big wet kiss on his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck as I giggled happily, at a total loss for the right words.

I had a boyfriend. My first, and hopefully last boyfriend. I was over the moon when I heard the waitress chuckle. Pulling away sheepishly from Brandon, I can't stop smiling as my face goes as red as his but she just smiles sweetly as she sets down our drinks, "Ya'll ready to order, or ya need a few more minutes?"

With her wink, Brandon and I both break out into all out laughter, the nervousness and butterflies just bubbling over and finally releasing as we both just laugh like idiots.

She chuckles as she nods, "A few more minutes then…"

When she walks away, I grab a menu to hide the tears of laughter in my eyes as I giggle-snort, "Oh my god, we are such dorks…"

He just shrugs as he slumps down in his seat and hides behind the menu, his calf pressed firm against my leg underneath the table.

I'm so stupid happy I can't even concentrate on the menu in front of me and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way because a moment later, the menu is pulled from hands and his lips are against mine.

I gasp from the surprise but his rough hands are holding my face so gently as his tongue takes advantage and pushes past my lips.

It doesn't take me long to respond and soon my hands are tangled in his hair as I kiss him back.

The kiss isn't overheated or dirty…it's sweet…soft but passionate…

And when he pulls away, I'm left flushed and panting as he grins while slumping back down, "I've never really had a girlfriend or nothin…and I know I thought of Angel as my boyfriend but we never really were…I'm just…I don't really know what to do and um, I'll probably fuck up a lot…say dumb shit…but um…if you can just be patient with me and not get mad every time I do somethin stupid…I mean, I'll try really hard not to do dumb shit but I don't always think so clearly…so just um…fuck, I'm ramblin…"

But I'm just glad I'm not the only one that rambles when I'm nervous…so I smile as I play with the straw in my drink, "Brandon, you're human, I don't expect you to be perfect, the heavens know I'm not…we'll both have good days and bad days…we'll just…ya know, have them together…and I don't think it's going to be that bad, I can come and visit every couple months or something till you get to Seattle…six months isn't that long…"

While I was talking I watched adoringly as he had unwrapped a straw and put it in my glass for me. It was silly to be so touched by such a simple thing but no one had ever done that for me before. He's now slouched down and playing with the straw wrapper as he grins, "You'll come see me?"

So I unwrap a straw and put it in his glass as I grin back, "Of course. Every chance I get."

Then his grin fades as he sighs, "I don't wanna interfere with your schoolin…or your job…you gotta life back in Seattle, Brady…I might not be worth the hassle…"

_The hell you say… _

I've come too far to let his self loathing doubts win…

So I grab his hand as he drops the balled up wrapper and I look into his eyes and just try to soothe his unfounded fears…

"My life now includes you so I will find a way to balance all of my responsibilities while being a fun and supportive boyfriend because in case you haven't noticed, I'm very talented and able to multi-task well…"

I got the desired response when he started chuckling, "I guess you're right…still might not be worth the hassle though…"

Squeezing his hand a little, I smiled as I used my other hand to play to swirl my straw around in my drink, "You're worth it, Brandon. No matter what happens, you're worth it."

I said it with conviction because I needed him to know. I needed him to understand that I was in this with him all the way and every bit of sadness or pain or loneliness was so completely worth it if I got to be with him in the end.

And I would be.

There's no way I'd let go of him easily. He was mine now, hell, he'd been mine since Taco Bell but at least now it's official.

His face was scarlet and I found it funny that the man who could talk openly and brash about the dirtiest things, would become so flustered by kind words and the sweetest sentiments…

Somehow we managed to actually order breakfast and once we could talk without breaking into ridiculous grins and giggling like dumbasses, we actually had a good discussion.

We talked about school and I broke down my schedule for him so that we would get an idea of when we could talk during the day. He wasn't sure yet what his schedule was going to be like since he had just gotten the job and we also had to account for the time difference…it wasn't going to be easy but really, what is?

The Cullen's called during breakfast and said they'd be over in a couple of hours to help Brandon put the finishing touches on his place and to take us back to the hotel. Jeremiah and Suzie were visiting their mom and Brandon and I were going to go with them. I guess she hadn't been doing that well and I felt like a complete asshole for being so selfish this week and not spending more time with Suzie. Brandon felt kind of bad too for not being there for Jeremiah more with his mom being sick and this whole Candace fiasco.

So we made a deal to go today and spend time with them but to try and end up alone tonight…because voyeuristic group sex is totally hot but we needed the night to ourselves…

We had to say goodbye and that was really going to suck…but at least I knew we'd have many more hello's because I planned on coming to see him as often as my meager budget would allow…which wasn't much but maybe I could try to get some more hours down at the coffeehouse…

After a late breakfast, we walked back, hand in hand and I wanted to hold onto this memory forever and ever…the bright sun glistening off the golden highlights in his hair…the blue in his eyes brighter than the bright Texas sky…the crinkles around his eyes as he smiled down at me…

I've always had a thing for older men…

And Brandon is, without a doubt, one of the sexiest older men I have ever seen. Yet there was still something very youthful about him…like maybe he was finally catching up on all the growing up he missed out on as a kid…

The afternoon was perfect, spent lazily in bed where we fucked some more and chatted some more too…

.

.

.

"Jesus H. Christ, Brady, you're like the dick suckin champ…"

I ran my tongue over my bottom lip, savoring the salty taste of him still before holding up my arm and showing off my tiny but firm bicep, "You can call me King…"

He chuckled as I smiled and plopped down next to him, completely naked and wiping away a splatter of cum across my cheek with the back of my hand then sucking my fingers clean…

Now he leaned over me, those hills and valleys of muscles glistening from the exertion of our intimate time, dirty blonde hair hanging down as he smirked at me with that delectable scruffy chin and those pale blue eyes lidded, "You're gonna be callin me God here in about thirty seconds…"

Nudging my legs apart, he settled between them, the swollen sticky head of his cock brushing my entrance, teasing me as I wanted to push down on it…

I gasped when he pulled away and I heard the familiar tear of the condom wrapper…

And when he finally pushed himself inside me, I shattered into a million pieces as I clung to him, chanting breathlessly, "Oh God…"

.

.

.

"Have you ever thought about it?"

My heart was clenching as I waited for his answer. We were sprawled out on the bed, his head resting on my stomach as I gently ran my fingers through his hair.

For a moment he was quiet and I took a breath to prepare myself for what he was about to say.

Clearing his throat, his voice was soft but raspy as he spoke, "Yeah…when I was younger I did…a lot but…I don't even know why I never really tried…too scared I guess…and I didn't wanna fuck Jeremiah all up cuz I know it would…"

I was aching as I tried to control the air leaving my lungs so that my voice didn't sound as breathless as I felt, "Brandon…promise me you'll talk to the therapist about it. Promise that if you ever feel like that again, you'll call me…I just…God, I'd be devastated if something happened…"

The scruff of his chin tickled my chest as he looked up at me with such big pretty blue eyes and I wanted nothing more than to just keep him curled up on me, safe and sound in my arms forever…

I'd do anything to keep him safe...even from himself.

"I'm not gonna kill myself, Brady. Yeah, I thought about it when I was a kid…when mama gave me that gun, I sat out in the alley behind Jeremiah's garage and I…I sat there and just wondered if it would be for the best, ya know…like, what would it even matter anyway cuz no one gave a fuck about me and life was too fuckin hard…I was tired of just fuckin hurtin all the time…"

My eyes started to burn as I shook my head and whispered, "It would kill me…"

His big hand came up and the rough skin cradled my cheek as he spoke softly, "Jeremiah came stumblin' down the alley, drunk off his ass…he found me and _fuck_…it just devastated him…you know how fuckin emotional he is when he's drinkin and just findin' me with that gun hurt him, can you imagine if he woulda found my body? He was only twelve and he was so fuckin wasted and he just started cryin'…he threw his arms around me and just fell apart, sayin' that me and Suzie was all he had and he couldn't make it without me…"

Sniffling just a little, I leaned into his hand and kissed his scarred skin as he just sighed, closing his eyes and whispering, "I promised him I'd never kill myself…I'd never break that promise…then the next mornin' he made me promise to never tell anyone bout him bawlin' like a baby…"

I smiled against his hand and turned my eyes up to his, "That sounds like Jeremiah…"

He chuckled and that dimpled, stubbled grin went straight to my cock while his other hand was tickling it's way down my side, ghosting over my stomach as I shuddered.

Then his lips were pressed soft against my heart as he whispered, "Besides, I finally got everythin' I want…I ain't goin' nowhere, Brady…"

The thought of what he said a few days ago echoed in my ear…

"_I guess all I really wanna be is…somebody's husband, settled down in a little house…maybe a few kids down the road and a dog…I know it ain't, like, fancy or nothin'…but that's all I really want…"_

All he really wanted was to be somebody's…and now he was mine.

The urge to just smother him in love and affection overcame me as I pushed him on his back and crawled on top, holding his face in my hands and kissing him over and over as I whispered, "I'm not going anywhere either…I'm yours…all yours…and you're all mine…"

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.

.

"So, I think I want a tattoo…"

I loved the way I could feel his whole body shake as he chuckled. My arm was wrapped lazily underneath his shoulder, playing with his hair as he looked up at me. The scruff on his chin tickled my stomach deliciously as he smiled, "Oh yeah? What was you thinkin bout gettin and where?"

Tapping my finger to my chin as though I was thinking about this, I grinned slyly at him, "Hmm, I don't know…do you have any suggestions?"

A moment later, I was picked up and turned over, plopped down on my face as he chuckled, "Right here," and started nipping the dip at the top of my ass.

Giggling, I looked over my shoulder at him and shook my head, "No way, I'm not getting a tramp stamp…"

We were both laughing as he rolled me back over and brushed his thumb over the inside of my hip, "Hmm…here'd be good…it's sexy and most people wouldn't be able to see it unless you was wearin them pants that sit real low…even then, they'd probably only see the top of it…just enough to tease…"

My dick jumped as he teased the skin there over my pelvic bone and I could feel him twitching against my thigh…

"Um…will you do it? Draw me something and do the ink yourself?"

He leaned down, brushing his lips over my neck as he covered me with his gloriously strong body, "Can I write 'Property of Brandon Whitlock'?"

I wrapped my legs around his hips, locking them at the ankle and drawing him closer as I tilted my neck to give him more room. My fingers drug down his muscular back, feeling them flex as he slowly pushed his hardening cock against my thigh. Breathlessly, I laughed, "Not yet…you have to like…date me for awhile…I'm no hussy…besides you've already left your mark on my neck…you don't have to stake claim, Brandon…I'm yours…but ya know, if you're feeling all Beyonce, put a ring on it and we'll talk…"

_Way to go, Brady…you just asked him four hours ago to be your boyfriend and now you're talking all 'if ya liked it then ya shoulda put a ring on it…'_

_He's probably scared half to death, like maybe I'm one of those adorable but psychotic serial killers, a la Alicia Silverstone in the Crush…beautiful but completely unhinged…._

Raising up, he grinned down at me, those dimples just calling to my tongue like a moth to a flame and squelching down any worry.

"I ain't easy either, Brady…you're gonna have to like, court me and shit for awhile…takes me on dates and woo me and shit…I want like…romance…"

Pushing him to his back, I straddled his hips as I worked my way from his dimples to his neck, kissing and biting and licking. Slowly, I rolled my dick against his, loving the feel of just how incredibly big he was underneath me.

As I nibbled on his earlobe, I couldn't help but grin as I whispered, "This is romantic, right? 'Cause I'm doing it slow?"

He laughed breathlessly as his big, rough hands grabbed both my ass cheeks and squeezed, "Mmm, yeah…keep movin your ass like that, it's fuckin killin me…"

Okay, so maybe I wasn't super romantic but with an ass like mine, I supposed it bought me enough time to learn…maybe I could ask Jay, he's always going on about how good he is at this romantic shit…

.

.

.

"Ugh, honestly, the whole thing annoys me to no end…I mean, it's the most popular star wars quote there is and it's not even accurate! Darth Vader never said 'Luke, I am your father…' and these assholes in the media just keep spouting it out like it's in the George Lucas Bible and ugh…it just exacerbates the whole ridiculous thing!"

He chuckled as he ran his fingers down my sides, "What's that word mean? The one that sounded like masturbate…"

I furrowed my brows as I thought about what I just said, but then I giggled, "Oh, you mean, exacerbate…um, it means like make something worse…"

His cheeks turned pink as he smiled, "Exacerbate…I'm gonna have to remember that…it's a cool word…"

Shrugging, I giggled and smiled up at him, "I guess so…I didn't know you were interested in vocabulary, Brandon…"

Now he shrugged as his eyes went downcast to the bedspread, "I don't know…words are important…"

Leaning up, I take his hands in mine and kiss his lips softly, "I always thought actions speak louder than words…"

He smiled against my lips but it fell the moment I pulled away. I could sense he was thinking about something he wanted to say, he was just taking the time to put his thoughts in order.

Eventually he sighed as he plucked an imaginary thread on the bedspread, "Actions are important too but when the privilege of actin freely gets taken away, all you got left is your thoughts…things you've said or didn't say…things people said to you…it's like…when I was five I broke my arm tryin to climb a tree…it hurt like hell but that dumb action only caused me pain for a little while…but I remember my mama callin me stupid…that shit still hurts…"

Knowing that he was getting ready to spill out more of his inner workings to me, I pulled him close so that his head was resting on my chest and I ran my fingers softly through his hair…

He sighed contentedly but a few moments later, he spoke again, "When I was locked up, I would sit for hours in my cell just thinkin bout the shit I've said to people…like how I told Randy Lockhorn in the fourth grade that he was a loser and should just kill himself…and how when I broke Cory Johnson's jaw in the seventh grade, I smiled and called him a pussy and told him to have fun eating through a straw for the next six months…and I'd think bout stuff people said bout me…like my second time in Juvie when Ms. Carrel said I was a lost cause, just a waste of tax payers good money…and how Angel called me a diamond in the rough…this one time, I got in a fight with this asshole at school and later that night when Angel was over my house helping me study, he kept speakin in Spanish…this was before he knew that I knew what he was sayin…anyway, he kept sayin that I needed to learn how to use my words instead of my fists to get my point across…how words were more powerful than any punch…I just didn't realize that he was right back then…cuz sittin in that cell, it wasn't the memories of getting my ass whooped that hurt me…things people say are a hell of a lot more brutal than any punch…shit, I'm ramblin again…sorry…"

My heart broke for him and I sighed while tilting his face up to mine so I could look into his eyes, "You're not rambling, babe…it's like when my dad hit me and kicked me out of the house, it hurt but the things he said to me still hurt long after…I'm kind of surprised though about some of the things you said as a child…I understand though, just surprised…"

He half smiled then sighed, "I wasn't some sweet kid, Brady, I was a little asshole that hurt and had no qualms with makin other people hurt…prison just made it…exacerbated it…"

I chuckled for a moment as he gave me a proud grin for using the new word but the underlying root of what he was saying was still concerning. And since he was my boyfriend now, I figured I should just ask what I wanted to ask.

"What was prison like? I mean, I know it was bad but how did it make things worse?"

Shrugging, he sat up and grabbed a cigarette off the nightstand and I knew him pulling away from me was to detach himself as he talked about prison. I was beginning to realize that there were two sides to him and luckily I believed the sweet side to be more dominant but that mean, vicious, vindictive side was always there waiting to bust through like a tornado through a trailer park…

"Out here, the kids would cheer me on when I was bein crazy…adding fuel to the fire, I guess…prison wasn't much different…just like a bunch of overgrown school kids that egg each other on and make it seem like it's a good thing to hurt somebody…it's all about respect…respect me or fear me, those were really the only two options cuz if you didn't have the good sense to do either one, I'd hurt you bad…you remember how I told you not to romanticize the shit I did, Brady?"

I nodded and his head hung low as he took a drag from his cigarette. Blowing out the white smoke, he sighed, "I've done really bad things…it wasn't nothin for me to break arms and legs in prison…it wasn't nothin to keep watch out as my boys slit a fuckers throat behind me…I've bashed heads and beat people half to death…it's amazing I haven't killed nobody yet…"

My eyes were starting to sting again but I desperately tried to hold them back because I didn't want him to think I was weak, "Yet? You're not going to kill anybody, Brandon…"

He rolled his eyes and smirked, his mask was up now…

"I damn near killed that asshole the other day, Brady…I would've if ya'll wouldn't have stopped me. And the thing is, I don't feel bad about what I did. I feel like he deserved it cuz he disrespected me and in my world, that's the worst thing you can do…I know that maybe it ain't right to feel this way but it's all I've known since I was a kid…"

My heart was racing at the cruelty in his voice and I truly worried for my boyfriend's sanity, "Why would you stand watch while someone was being murdered? What did the boy do to deserve that?"

Shrugging his shoulders, he took another drag, "Don't know, wasn't none of my business…"

A shiver ran up my spine and I couldn't help but sniffle as my eyes burned, "Why are you telling me this? What do you expect me to say?"

"I just want you to be prepared for the worst in me, Brady…I'd never hurt you but I think it's pretty safe to say that I can become a complete maniac when pushed so I want you to know that the possibility of me goin back to prison is very real…don't put everything you got into me cuz I'm bound to just leave you disappointed…it's what I do…I'm a monster and most likely, there's a part of me that will always be this way. I just don't want you havin false illusions that I'm some super sweet guy and then having your spirit destroyed when I let you down…cuz I probably will…"

Now I was starting to get mad as I scowled, "If you've decided you don't want to be with me then have the balls to say it instead of trying to scare me off…"

His eyes gave him away, widening in surprise at my outburst before quickly narrowing. We were having a mental pissing contest now which was monumental because it was my very first one and also because I was kind of proud of myself for standing up to him. I'm sure he expected me to get all scared and quickly flee the scene before my heart was too involved but it was too late. He was my friend and I loved him…I wasn't going to let him push me away.

But Brandon is nothing if not cast in stone…thankfully, I had already begun chipping away at the tough exterior he used to try and keep himself safe from a world he didn't know or understand…a place that has never treated him too kindly.

That's why I was going to adore and pamper him every moment he allowed me too…because he needed it.

He was trying very hard to be growly and scary but I could see it in his eyes…he was impressed that I was so bossy to the big bad monster…

Hell, so was I.

But then he leaned a little closer, the ghost of a smirk on his face and ice cold eyes caused my heart to jump a little…partly because he looked so scary right now…and partly because my God, he was fucking hot!

_Definitely need to check in with Carlisle about jumping on the family therapy wagon…_

"Wanna know some of the fucked up shit I done?"

_Um…no, not really…_

"I punched an old woman and stole her purse…I stood watch as my boys beat a guy to death with the pole from the weight bench and I ain't gotta fuckin clue what he did…don't really give a damn either…I threw a guy through a plate glass window…I've broken hands, fingers, and arms by slamming them shut in the trunk of a car…I hit a guy with a tire iron…and this is shit I did and didn't get caught…"

I wanted to throw up…I wanted to scream and yell at him…I wanted to run away…but fuck that.

From somewhere deep down inside me, a fire burned that I never even knew I had and a moment later I was standing butt naked, pacing the floor as I huffed out, "Why are you trying to scare me? This is bullshit, Brandon! I'm not afraid of you and I never will be because I know the truth! How old were you when you hit that woman?"

His eyes immediately dropped and he lost the breath in his lungs as he shrugged, "15..."

My hands were on my hips and my dick was flopping as I paced but I didn't care…

"15...so you were a 15 year old homeless boy who was probably starving and desperate and you did something horrible, am I right?"

His head nodded but he didn't look up so I just kept going, "You've done bad things, Brandon, horrible awful things but you are not a lost cause! You can sit here and say you don't care about the things you did but if you don't feel guilty about hitting that poor old woman who did absolutely nothing to deserve being hurt by you then why won't you look at me?"

And I had officially cracked through the stone wall as I watched him drag his knees up, trying to make himself small. It gave me hope because the sweet boy that ran to help me up after I had fallen was not a figment of my overactive imagination…he was very real and Holy Guacamole, the man needed a god damn hug…

Tears were streaming down my face but I kept myself together enough to speak without yelling, "Brandon, quit trying to push me away because you're scared. You want people to be afraid of you because you're the one that's terrified of them seeing the real person underneath…the boy that's angry because he's been treated like shit all his life…the boy that's so lonely he aches for the smallest affection…the boy is real and very human and easily capable of being hurt. The world sees a big scary monster…nothing beautiful, not a work of art…but you already told me that he was just sad because he was lonely…you're so lonely, baby…"

His head was down on his propped up knees now as he pulled himself small against the headboard. It was almost like scolding a puppy dog for growling and I prayed that I was strong enough to do this…

Taking a deep breath, I wiped my tears away and walked to his side of the bed. Kneeling down, I laid my hand over his and whispered, "Look at me, Brandon…"

I was expecting it when he shook his head 'no.'

But I can be a tricky little bitch when I needed to be and I knew exactly how to get him to look at me…at least I hoped I could…

"Well, if you won't look at me, I guess I should leave…"

His head shot up and his hand was on my arm as big, wet blue eyes looked at me while he rasped, "Don't leave me…"

_Ugh, this poor sweet man is going to be the death of me…_

I felt a little guilty about pretending to leave to get to him to look at me but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. And right now, I had to make my man feel better and quit with his self loathing bullshit.

So I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, tucking it behind his ear as I whispered, "You are so beautiful…I'm not going anywhere without you, baby…"

His already pink cheeks burned red within seconds as his eyes dropped but I just dipped my head lower so that I kept his line of sight as I smiled, "Did I embarrass you?"

Now he turned his head and looked the other way but he was grinning ear to ear.

_Mission accomplished…I am a fucking awesome boyfriend._

I stood up, hands on my hips as I just laughed, "Brandon, I've been having this entire conversation butt naked. My dick's just been flopping angrily all over the place. If I'm not embarrassed, then why the hell are you?"

Now he couldn't fight it as his shoulders started shaking and he was laughing hard.

The next thing I know, I'm being swept off my feet with a yelp and then massive giggles as I'm slammed on my back against the soft bed…he's over me laughing as he looks into my eyes…

_God, he really he is beautiful…especially when he's happy…_

Then he's just shaking his head at me with a magnificent dimpled grin, "You're fuckin insane, you know that?"

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I smile back, just as magnificent, "Yeah, but I'm pretty awesome too, though, right? Plus, I've got an amazing ass…and for the next 24 hours, you're welcome to take out all your frustrations on it because I've kind of always wanted to be spanked…sounds, um…fun…so you know…I'm just saying…"

And while I had been rambling like a moron, my legs had taken it upon themselves to wrap tightly around Brandon's waist, pulling him closer so that his heavy cock pushed against mine. I was already half hard and he just laughed as he rolled his hips into mine making me groan.

"You're such a horn dog, Brady…"

_Hell, he didn't even know the half of it yet…_

Rolling over onto my tummy, I pushed my ass up in the air and wiggled it as I looked over my shoulder and barked and panted at him.

Now he was over my backside, his stiffening cock sliding hard against my ass as his hand slid down to my ass, grabbing the cheek and squeezing it hard. I gasped when he let go and then the hard sting of his hand followed.

It hurt for just a brief moment but that was followed by this little pull of ecstasy…and when I felt the sting again, I found myself moaning and pushing back against it…craving more because with each smack, I could feel a million little electrical shocks all through out my body. And they only increased with intensity each time his rough palm squeezed or slapped my skin.

But then when he leaned over my back, dick rock hard against my ass as he whispered in my ear, "I'm not hurtin you, am I?", those little electrical shocks all merged and imploded leaving my body feeling like I was sitting at the top of the world's biggest roller coaster, just begging for that free fall that would make my stomach drop and steal my breath away…

He wasn't being super rough and hurting me…he was fulfilling one of a million dirty fantasies I've had…and he was knocking it out of the fucking park,

Shaking my head, I babbled incoherently as I pushed back against the feeling of his hand rubbing softly over my cheeks, "Jesus, no, no, no…good…so, so good…please…God, please…fuck me…"

I was looking down at the impending fall into pure and utter bliss when he finally sunk into me, all I could do was feel so strongly I thought I might shatter into pieces but it was his soft unsure voice in my ear, breathy that sent me over the stomach dropping, breathtaking, mind altering edge…

"You're the best fuckin thing that's ever happened to me…don't ever let me push you away…"

Turning my head, I caught his lips as I pushed back to take him in even deeper…but I'd never ever let him push me away…I love him…and I'm pretty sure he loves me too, even if he can't say it yet…

And yeah it's really, really fast but Gucci knows it doesn't take long to get to the top of the roller coaster…

.

.

.

So most of the afternoon was spent in his bed…a unlikely place for such life changing events. But it had been life changing for me.

I thought I'd never feel this comfortable around somebody before Brandon. I can lay there naked, sweating, and limp and still feel like I'm wanted just the way that I am. Not all touches are sexually charged, though they do often turn that way because the inevitable separation is pending on the horizon but it's way more than sex and maybe I'm seeing something that isn't there again but I can't possibly be this delusional…

_We're in love…this is real…you're not making it up, Brady, it's just too early in the relationship to scare him off by talking about it…just be patient…this isn't the last time you'll ever see him…_

It sucks snatch, which is totally gross and makes me gag a little…the thought of actually boarding a plane and traveling away from my boyfriend…my Brandon…my heart…

_Ugh, quit acting like it's the end of the world, Brady…it's just six months…six months of romantic weekend getaways with my boyfriend…and phone sex with my boyfriend…and anticipation of all the beautiful things to come…with my boyfriend…_

_I'd never get tired of saying that…or thinking it, rather…_

Anyway, the Cullen's had called and said they'd be here in about an hour so we forced ourselves up and into the shower since I was sure we reeked of sweat and sex…I did not want another sex talk from Carlisle.

And just as I had been suspecting, an hour later they showed up with so many new gadgets for Brandon that I'm pretty sure his eyes glazed over a few times. There was a laptop, Xbox 360, new Iphone…

He tried to say no but I have found that that's nearly impossible with the Cullen's. Their charm is insurmountable…if they used their charisma for evil, we'd all be doomed.

Between me, Eddie, and Jay, we got everything set up for him and I started giving him a few tips about his phone but promised to teach him more about Skype and Xbox later when we got home. He had used a computer before but never for chatting and his video gaming was limited to Super Nintendo. This was going to be a lot of instruction crammed into one short evening. If I didn't have to work on Monday, I'd be tempted to stay an extra day or two…

_Or six months…_

Once everything was hooked up and running right, Carlisle and Esme wanted to have one more family dinner with all of us before we headed off to Jeremiah and Suzie's mom's house.

Dinner was nice. We had barbecue at some little hole in the wall that Brandon remembered from living in Houston before. It was messy but to die for and I loved the way Brandon's face was stuck in a permanent grin as JJ sat on his lap, helping him eat his hot wings. I wasn't sure which one was covered in more sauce but eventually I pulled some baby wipes out of Rosalie's diaper bag and wiped both of their mouths clean as they pouted.

If I was a selfish boy, which sometimes I totally can be, I would've wanted Brandon all to myself since our time was limited but it was strangely fascinating to watch him blend his way into the group and find his place.

I had never believed our little weirdo family puzzle was incomplete but watching him play with the babies, or talk football with the boys, or talking to Rose about the differences between a '67 and a '65 Impala or listening to Alice and Suzie go on about ideas for Alice's new line of hand bags and accessories she's been working so hard on this past year…it was clear to me that a piece had been missing.

As strange as it may be, I always really hoped my boyfriend would get along well with my friends and become part of our little family…and Brandon was family so it was all just so perfect. An outsider would disrupt the peaceful dynamic of our clan…

_Blimey, I have __**got **__to stop watching Animal Planet with Suzie…_

When we finally got to Jeremiah and Suzie's mom's house, I found myself praying that the time went by fast. Barbara visited with JJ a little before Esme and Carlisle took him back to the hotel with them.

It didn't escape my attention that the very first thing Jeremiah did when they left was grab a couple of beers from the kitchen. Barb coughed and chided him but he just shrugged as he downed one and told her to mind her business.

It was obvious that he didn't want to be here with the snide comments he kept making but when Barb sighed and said that he should've just let her grandson stay the night with her, he just snapped.

He threw his now empty beer bottle against the wall above the trash can, it shattering into a million pieces as he sneered, "You must be outta your god damn mind if ya think I'd leave my baby with you alone for one fuckin second…"

She tried to sneer back but it wasn't at all powerful, "I know I wasn't the best mama in the world, Jeremiah but I…"

But he just screamed and I squeezed Brandon's hand tight as I felt him getting ready to move, maybe to try and calm Jeremiah down.

"You really think I'd leave my fuckin heart with you? The same fuckin woman that was so god damn drunk that she 'accidentally' sat my bare ass down on a hot fuckin stove…"

Crossing her arms over he chest, she huffed as best she could, "There's no way you can even remember that…"

Brandon then pulled away from me, standing up and throwing his arm around Jeremiah's shoulder, pulling him close and whispering something before he looked at her and sighed, "I remember…I had to lotion his ass for two weeks…he was three…"

Suzie jumped up now and furrowed her brows, "This ain't what this is about…we can stand here and fight all god damn day or we can just say what we need to say cuz we don't got much longer to say it, Bubby…"

I was glad I wasn't the only one feeling uncomfortable being in the middle of something very private so when Eddie nudged me and whispered that they were going to go outside so Jay could smoke a cigarette and give them some privacy, I jumped to go with them.

Alice, Emmett, and Rose followed along too.

All of us had been together for years and we never ran out of conversation but this time, we just waited quietly for the others to come back. The paper thin walls left nothing to the imagination as we heard them bickering and crying and yelling. It made me wonder how I would handle it when one of my parents died. I wondered if I'd be angry or sad or unaffected.

It bothered us to hear them upset because when one of us needed help, we all jumped in to be there but this time, all we could do was offer quiet support and let them deal.

A little while later, they came out on the porch to join us. Brandon and Jeremiah lit up alongside Jay and Suzie just sighed as she sat down on the cement stoop that surrounded their porch.

"We're headin over to the pool hall for a little while…chill out and shit…ya'll wanna come?"

Jay blew out his smoke and shook his head, "Fuck no, man…I don't feel safe takin Eddie there…"

Jeremiah groaned and rubbed his palms over his tired eyes, "C'mon, Cuz…nobody fucked with you there…"

Now Jay rolled his eyes and sighed, "That was before I was outed…they all know I'm gay and I go up in there with Eddie…we're gonna have big fuckin targets on our backs and ain't no fuckin way I'm takin him some place he could be hurt…"

That caused my protective sense to kick in as I spoke up, "Is it dangerous? If it is, then you shouldn't go, Brandon…there's no need to put yourself in a bad situation…"

I didn't want to be bossy but as his boyfriend, I felt it was my job to look out for his well being. Whether they can handle themselves are not, Brandon doesn't need to be around people that cause drama in his life. He does not need a reason to fuck up.

He took a long drawl before looking down at the ground and sighing, "Yeah…you're right…"

_Wow…I certainly hadn't been expecting him to agree with me so easily. _

Jeremiah just shrugged and grabbed Alice's hand, "Well, whatever, we're headin out…we'll catch up with ya'll later if you're still in town…"

He was mumbling under his breath about them forgetting where they came from…

I wasn't sure what was going on with Jeremiah but he would definitely be pissing me off if I wasn't so damn worried about him.

Rosalie and Emmett weren't far behind them because she wouldn't let Alice go someplace like that by herself. Em said he'd try to keep an eye on Jeremiah because it was obvious that he was drinking and emotional and feeling a little wound up tonight. Suzie went too, shrugging and saying that she wasn't gonna let her brother go by himself…not when he's like this…

Brandon and Jay both tried to talk him into just going back to the hotel and hanging out but the boy would not relent…

Since Alice drove the SUV to the pool hall, Jay looked over at Brandon, "Hey my dad is outta town now, he left on Thursday…I gotta key. Ya'll wanna go chill till they're done takin a walk down memory lane…"

Really, all I wanted was to get Brandon back to his place and set up camp in his bed again but Wayne's house was much, much closer.

Brandon sighed and fished his keys from his pockets, "I should've went with him…he's goin through some shit right now and I should be there…"

His hands were shaking when Jasper reached out and grabbed his keys. Brandon looked up and Jay sighed, "No, you shouldn't be there, he should be here. He's a grown man, B, and as much as we wanna look after each other, you know as good as me that sometimes you gotta learn shit on your own, the hard way cuz we're all stubborn assholes…he ain't like you and me…he don't get as crazy as we get…he doesn't lose it the way we do…I don't wanna lose one day to jail and I fuckin know you don't wanna lose any more…I don't know about you but this town ain't my home…"

Brandon nodded and let out a breath as he drug his hand through his hair. "Yeah, I got no ties to this town…"

Jay smiled now, "That's good…you can start over in Houston and it's gonna be so much fuckin better…you're gonna be happier…cuz you're smart enough to let this bullshit town go but Jeremiah is feelin older than his years and tied down for the first time in his life…he's just missin his youth…missin the chaos…you remember the rush you'd get when things started getting crazy…but he's gotta be the one to really leave all this bullshit behind…we all got choices to make, Cuz and we gotta start makin better ones…Jeremiah will get there, he always was a little slow…"

We all kind of chuckled now and I was grateful to Jay for talking him out of his guilt. Eddie was looking at Jay like he was falling in love all over again, obviously very proud of him for acting like a grown up.

But I was sitting on Brandon's lap in the front of his truck while Jay drove to his dad's house and he didn't even get a semi…he just stared out the window and I knew that Jeremiah was still bothering him.

I wanted to kick Jeremiah's ass for making him worry like this.

I just hoped that they'd be back soon and our whole night wouldn't be ruined or I swear on all that is holy, I will kick him square in the balls the next time I see him.


	18. Chapter 18

**For someone that don't say much, Brandon is a wordy mutha fucker let me tell you…**

**Big thanks to my Maria for pre-reading and hashing out sexy things for these boys to do. I love ya! *mwah***

**Oh and if you haven't started reading "Something Wicked This Way Comes" by lilgent84, check it out! It's a supernatural fic along the lines of Charmed and I adore it! Oh and Hector, one day Hazy Mist Films and Southern Gentleman Productions will exist and we'll spend all our days sipping margaritas and casting sexy men for our movies. Ah, the good life.**

**This chapter was inspired by two songs, both blues. If you like The Black Keys, I suggest you check these guys out as they are the ones that inspired their music.**

**Songs: Baby, Please Don't Leave Me by Buddy Guy and Lord, Have Mercy on Me by Junior Kimbrough.**

**Brandon's POV**

_I can not believe this mother fucker right now…_

_Of all days to pull this mother fuckin bullshit…my last fuckin day with Brady and this asshole just has to run off lookin for shit…_

_Next time I see that mother fucker, I'm kickin him in the fuckin nuts…_

Jeremiah was tryin my fuckin patience.

For one, he fuckin smarted off to me. I don't know when this mother fucker got balls big enough to fuckin talk back to me like that but I was fixin to deflate them mother fuckers real quick…

For two, now I was worried instead of focusin on good things like Brady's ass…

And for three, I was really fuckin disappointed in my little Cuz. I thought havin JJ had really settled his crazy ass down but he's been actin like a wild dog ever since he got here.

Jeremiah was always reckless…getting himself into situations that he couldn't get himself out of…I mean, he could fight, he _was _a Whitlock, but he had a limit to how far he went…he knew when to stop…when to pull back…he'd be runnin forward at full speed but come to a stop right at the fuckin edge…where as someone like me just leapt right over that mother fucker without a second thought…

So I wasn't even that worried that Jeremiah couldn't handle himself if something went down at the pool hall but it pissed me off that he went off lookin for trouble and took Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie with him.

I didn't worry bout Suzie too much, she could probably whoop Jeremiah's ass.

But I didn't like that he took the others there cuz they didn't belong in this world. They didn't need to see all that ugliness and trust me, there's a lot of fuckin ugly at the pool hall.

And Jeremiah was really pretty popular in the neighborhood but there was a lot of fuckin talk too. I didn't get out much but Uncle Wayne did and he told me bout people in the neighborhood talkin shit bout Jeremiah beddin down a rich girl and that's why he took JJ away. Basically callin Alice his sugar mama which rightly pissed me off.

Alice was a damn good girl and Jeremiah didn't want her for her money or he woulda went after her hard from the beginning and not waited years 'fore ever settlin down…but nobody in the neighborhood knew that and I worried somebody might say somethin stupid and hurt Alice's feelings.

And Rosalie's a damn hot woman…guys are gonna be hittin on her all night, not givin a fuck bout her husband standin right there cuz if he don't stand up to them and fight, they ain't gonna respect a fuckin thing.

Emmett's a good guy…a sweet guy, even…I know he ain't gonna wanna fight and Rosie wouldn't let him…so this whole pool hall thing was a bad, bad idea…

The truck door opened and Brady hopped off my lap with a smile, "We're here, babe…"

_Shit, I spaced out the whole ride…_

We was pulled up in front of Uncle Wayne's little white house. It was still old as fuck and a little ghetto but it looked a ton better since I painted it last summer when I was stayin here.

I stepped out and quickly grabbed Brady's arm as he started to trip over the broken sidewalk, "Easy there, Princess…"

He looked up at me as he let out a relieved breath that he didn't fall on his face, and he grinned with red cheeks, "Thanks…"

Nodding my head, I made sure he was steady on his feet 'fore letting him go. It was dusk now and the street lamps had barely started flickerin. Jay grabbed Eddie's hand and twined their fingers…it made me a little jealous that Jay was so open and unafraid…

I woulda loved to grab Brady's hand but I just couldn't here…people here had to be afraid of me and if they knew I was…into guys, then they would only disrespect me and that's when I'd lose it so I just followed along behind him, close enough that I could grab him in case he took another fall…

Jay smiled as he fished out his key, "When did daddy put up all these flowers?"

Shrugging, I looked around at the various flower pots that covered his front porch. It looked nice…if he had a swingin chair up here, it'd be real nice…

Eddie laughed as he leaned into Jay's shoulder, "I bet dear old dad has a lady in his life, hence all the pretty flowers in matching pots…"

Jay just rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Pft…if daddy did have a woman, he damn well wouldn't be lettin her decorate the porch…daddy ain't really one for domesticated type shit…"

That wasn't true. I wondered how well Jay even knew his dad. I know Uncle Wayne can be a dick…and he was an abusive, alcoholic asshole but beneath the muck and dirt, he could be a decent guy.

When I was locked up, he would come see me every couple months and he put money on my books once a month, every month. Jeremiah, Ethan, Caleb, and Suzie all started off writin to me a lot but as the years passed, letters came less and less. And Uncle Wayne was the only one in the family that ever came to see me and didn't stop, for seven fuckin years, he always came to see me and made sure I had a little money. Durin' that time, I got to know him pretty well.

Like the time he told me about Jay comin out…I really wasn't expectin that conversation…

::

_I was nervous walkin into the room and seein Uncle Wayne…he had just been to see me a few weeks ago so the fact that he was back so soon, couldn't mean nothin good…_

_After a quick one armed hug, we sat down at the old, splintered table and I noticed how he fidgeted with the empty, styrofoam coffee cup in front of him._

"_S'goin on, Unc? How many weeks you in now?"_

_He sighed deeply as he spun the cup on it's edge. "Three weeks sober…I feel like I been hit by a Mac truck…wish I could just…go somewhere…far away from here…my head feels like it's gonna pop…"_

_Leaning over the table, I snatched the cup from him so he'd stop fidgetin and pay attention cuz he tended to ramble on bout a lot of crazy shit if you didn't keep him focused._

"_Three week s'damn good, Unc…what's got your panties in a tizzy?"_

_Now he chuckled for a second as he looked up at me, his stone grey eyes weren't so stone today…they were deep blue and rimmed red…and if he wasn't drinkin, then he had been cryin not too awful long ago._

_Not gonna lie, the man was an emotional mess but I'd only seen him cry a few times in his life, all of 'em when I was too little to ask why…but now a well of panic swelled through me cuz Jay had taken off a few weeks back with some boy._

_Jeremiah had told me about him already before Jay ever up and left town…and he told me bout this boy havin the balls to sing onstage at the old redneck bar Jay and the boys sung at…he told me how he had never seen Jay so god damned happy as when he caught them kissin in the back alley outside the bar…the boy, Eddie, came for Jay…came to take him away from all the ugliness here…like a god damn knight in shining armor…and if Uncle Wayne come here lookin for an ally then he was gonna have to go somewhere else cuz I think Jay takin off with that boy was the smartest thing he's ever done…_

I shoulda took off with Angel when I had the chance…but Angel never come for me the way this boy did for Jay…

"_Jay's comin home in a few days…he uh…shit…"_

_Uncle Wayne didn't know that I knew about Jay. I wondered if he was gonna tell me the whole truth or if he was gonna lie to save face._

_Leaning down over the table, he whispered with a grunt, "He's a fuckin fag…a god damn queer, what the fuck is he thinkin…he'll get strung up here for that fuckin shit…"_

_There wasn't a day that ever passed or had passed in all my life, that I didn't hear that shit. Every day of my god damn life I've heard the words 'fag' and 'queer' and 'that's so gay…'_

_Angel heard it too._

_My blood started boiling and I crossed my arms across my chest as I leaned back and leered at this bastard, "You don't think your only son hears that shit enough without you callin him it too? Let me ask you somethin…you ever call my daddy them names? Cuz I ain't dumb, Unc, I know about him…only he didn't get strung up, he blew his fuckin head off cuz of fuckin words like that from people who was s'posed to love him regardless of who he was fuckin…"_

_That got his attention and for a minute he just stared back at me, not givin nothin away as that poker face went up._

"_You know bout that?"_

_I smirked as I leaned my elbows on the table, "I know a lot of things."_

_Bein cool with Cliff for the last five years had taught me a lot. He had been friends of the family for a long time and knew all our dirty secrets…he didn't know my daddy cuz he killed himself before they all moved to Mission…_

_In fact, he was one of the reasons they all moved…Aunt Barb and my mom moved first, wantin to get away from the scandal of the queer who killed himself…grandma came shortly after with Ethan and Caleb after their parents just split and never came back…Uncle Wayne was still in the military but after Linda royally screwed him over, he come on down too…just one big, unhappy, fucked up family…_

"_I never…," clearing his throat, he spoke with a gruff worn voice, "I never called him none of those names…but don't sit here and act all smug, you little shit, when I've heard you sayin the same things out on the street…"_

_As pissed as I had been a second ago, now I was just kinda sad and guilty. Growin up hearing those words, they tend to come out without even thinkin bout it…at least they used to before I found Angel cryin in the boys bathroom after he heard me fightin and droppin the 'fag' word like it was goin outta style…I hadn't said that word since and I tried damn well hard not to ever say it again…_

"_Ain't talked like that since I was a kid…words like that hurt, Unc, and I imagine you hurt your son like hell if you called him those things…that ain't a first for you though, is it…hurtin your son…"_

_He was quiet as he looked down at the table and I sighed, "Look, man, this is how I see it…you ain't ever been much of a daddy to that boy…two or three months of good parentin doesn't make you daddy of the year. You're a violent, abusive, drunk and you're damn lucky that boy has anything to do with your sorry ass…if he's happy and he ain't getting in trouble with law, I think you should be really fuckin stoked cuz that's more than you deserve."_

_I wasn't one to sugar coat shit and Uncle Wayne knew that so he damn well knew what he was getting into comin at me with this shit._

_The man looked older than his years as he ran his fingers through his hair, "You don't understand, son…I don't…I don't want this for my boy…I don't want this life for him…I begged Chase to stop…bein that way…begged him to just…go back to your mama and try again…I didn't wanna think of my big brother bein like that…bein a…fag…it was embarrassin the way people looked and talked after they found out…"_

_Narrowin my eyes, I huffed, "So you don't wanna be embarrassed of your son, that's what this shit's about?"_

_His eyes snapped to mine and he rasped in a low whisper, "Chase was who I looked up to…the strongest man I knew and he couldn't handle that life…it killed him…I don't want that for my son…I don't know if he's strong enough to handle it…I barely know him at all…"_

_I hadn't seen Jay since I was a kid but he was a Whitlock so I knew he was plenty tough enough to take whatever bullshit this life handed him, cuz we wasn't like our daddies. We weren't cowards…we didn't run and we didn't hide…we had learned our lesson from the previous generation of fuck ups…_

_Then I looked around at the guards and orange jumpsuits and chuckled…_

_Hopefully, Jay's learned his lesson anyway…_

_I let him have a moment to really think about what he said before I spoke again, all venom gone from my voice as I leaned forward, speakin quietly, "I worried bout Jay too when I first heard…Jeremiah done told me awhile back…but I think…I think he just needs your support right now…that's what my daddy needed, the support of his family…and as sorry as you are, you ain't got no right to judge Jay for finding somebody that loves him and from what Jeremiah told me, this Eddie boy is real good for him…I only hope that when I get out, I can find somebody to love me like that…somebody that'll want me regardless of all my faults…Jay's your only child so you gotta make a decision right now as to what it is that you want, Uncle Wayne…if you could have anything in this world, what would it be? I'd want a family…"_

_For a long time he was quiet, fiddling with the threads comin off his old flannel shirt. But then he finally started talkin, though he didn't look up from the table, "All I ever wanted was a real family…a mama and daddy and my little boy…sittin on a big covered porch, in a swingin chair, sippin sweet tea…but Linda left and took that dream with her…"_

_Sighing, I leaned forward and whispered, "I know she broke your heart but you gotta let go of that, Unc…you got half your dream starin you in the face and you're too dumb to see it…most people I know, would be happy as fuck for just half their dream…but you gotta stop bein such a fuckin pussy and man the fuck up…stick up for your son…talk to him…get to know him…from what Jeremiah tells me, he's a damn good boy and instead of bein pissed off that he's in love with a guy, you should be thankful he's a good man cuz it ain't your doin…I've lost five years of my life already…how many more you gonna lose?"_

_He finally looked up at me with red rimmed eyes but he chuckled, showing off dimples I didn't even know he had, "You sure are a straight forward son of a bitch, huh?"_

_I smiled back as I shrugged, "That's why I'm your favorite nephew…"_

_::_

We didn't talk any more about it but he had reconciled with Jay somewhat and stayed sober for the last three years, only a couple of occasional slip ups before getting back on track. He wasn't runnin no more…he made better choices the second time around so even though he's a bastard, he's still an alright guy.

Brady sneezing brought me back to the here and now. I said 'bless you', but he sneezed three more times in a row…

I reached out and turned his little chin up to me to see his eyes were getting all red and puffy.

"You okay?"

Sniffling, he nodded, "Just allergies…I must be allergic to one of these flowers…"

Jay turned the lock and pushed open the door, "We'll see if daddy's got any allergy med…"

The next thing I know, I hear a woman scream and step inside just in time to see a naked chick runnin into the bedroom and good ole' Uncle Wayne naked as the day he was born, standin behind the couch with a shot gun.

Edward mutters, 'Oh my God,' and instantly becomes red as he quickly turns away from the scene…but my sweet, perverted boyfriend simply cocks his head and keeps looking.

I woulda got mad but this shit was just too comical to be upset about.

Eddie finally grabs Brady's arm and yanks him around as he whispers, "Oh my God, stop staring at Jay's dad!"

Brady finally has the decency to turn pink as he glances up at me and giggles, "Sorry…it's like a car accident…I had to look…"

Uncle Wayne sputters out, "Jesus Christ, son, what in the hell are you doin here? Ya almost got your dick shot off…"

He sets down the gun on the couch and runs a hand through his curly blond hair as Jasper just starts laughin, "You said you was outta town! Jeremiah took off to the pool hall so we was gonna chill awhile till they got back. If I woulda known you was fornicatin on your couch, I woulda called…"

Now Uncle Wayne starts chuckling as he rolls his eyes, "Ya'll go on in the kitchen, make yourself some sweet tea…I'll be out in a minute…"

Once his bedroom door shuts behind him, we shuffled into the kitchen and I noticed another vase of flowers sittin on the kitchen table. Brady was still snifflin but he said he was okay every time I asked him.

Me and Jay got us all drinks before pullin out chairs and sittin next to our boys as they sipped their sweet tea.

A minute later, Uncle Wayne strolled into the kitchen in nothin but a pair of jeans grinning like the Cheshire cat as he poured himself a glass of tea, "Sorry bout that little scene, son, but I just got in this mornin and had a little business to attend to if ya know what I mean…"

He wagged his eyebrows and we all started laughin. There was definitely somethin different bout Uncle Wayne. I knew that smile. This woman must be a good one.

Jay smiled as he smacked his dad in the stomach, "Damn old man, you start workin out? That keg is turnin into a six pack…"

Uncle Wayne laughed as he rubbed his belly, "I ain't that old yet, son…daddy's still got a few years left in him…feel these guns…"

He flexed his arms and Jay smirked as he pulled off his shirt and flexed his too.

"Damn, you're as big as me now…"

Both of 'em was little compared to me so I ripped my shirt over my head and flexed both my arms back behind my neck as I fake stretched, "Ya'll don't know nothin bout this right here…"

Uncle Wayne rolled his eyes as he chuckled and tossed my shirt back at me, "Put your shirt back on, son…I don't need a fuckin complex…"

Jay and I both was laughin as we pulled our shirts back on just as a woman walked into the kitchen. She was in her forties, a curvy little thing with dark brown curls all piled on top of her head as she wore one of Uncle Wayne's big t-shirts. It hung off her shoulder a little, over top her pink pajama pants.

She bounded past Uncle Wayne and to the pitcher of tea on the counter, pouring herself a glass as she smiled, "Well, I guess I made a hell of a first impression, honey. I know I look a right mess but I am so happy to finally be meetin ya'll!"

I watched as she wrapped her arm around Wayne's waist and smiled up at him while he held her tight and smiled back.

It was really kinda sweet.

"Don't you worry now, darlin, you look sexy as hell right now…"

He proceeded to bite her neck as she giggled and smacked him away, "Wayne! Not now! Be proper and introduce me!"

There's somethin bout bein round happy people that makes you…well, happy. It was infectious.

He was happy as he nodded, "Son, this is Debbie. Baby cakes, this my son, Jay."

Jay grinned as he shook her hand but she pulled him into a hug, "Oh I've heard so much about you, sweetheart…I'm so happy to finally meet you."

He gave his dad a wtf look as he hugged her back and Wayne mouthed 'sorry.' So I'm guessin he never told Jay about her. Shit, he never even told me. Maybe it was a new relationship and he wanted to keep it to himself for a little while. I understood that.

When she pulled away, Wayne just smiled again as he introduced the rest of us, "This is my son-in-law, Edward…you should hear this boy play the piano, that Beethoven fella's got nothin on him…"

Edward's eyes went big, probably shocked cuz I don't think Uncle Wayne ever called him his son-in-law before. But he smiled and shook her hand as he politely responded, "Very nice to meet you, ma'am."

She clapped her hands together and giggled, "Oh my God, you're just sweet as home made molasses…"

He blushed and Uncle Wayne went on, "This is the boys' good buddy, Brady…they've been friends since they was kids…"

Now Brady was the shocked one as she held out her hand and he slowly took it, "Um…hi…nice to meet you…"

"Oh, sweetie, are you okay? Your eyes all puffy…"

He sniffled as his cheeks turned red, "Um, yes, ma'am, just my allergies acting up."

She patted his cheek and smiled, "I'll check the bathroom and see if we got anything you can take, baby, just you hang on a minute and I'll take care of ya…"

She was very sweet, I could see why Uncle Wayne liked her.

He chuckled as he nodded to me, "This is my nephew, Brandon…the one that stayed with me last year, helped me fix this shit hole up a little bit…"

I shook her hand and grinned, "Nice to meet ya…"

"So you're his favorite nephew, huh? It sure is nice to meet ya, darlin…"

Then she excused herself to go clean up a bit and find Brady some medicine. Jay was leanin against the corner with the biggest grin on his face, "She's nice, daddy…when was you gonna tell me?"

Wayne shrugged but smiled as he looked down at the floor, "I was fixin too…we only been seein each other a couple months but I'm thinkin bout movin to Corpus Christi with her after Barb passes…she's got a little ranch out there, could use a man around the house now that her son off and went to college…it's just a thought…"

Jay squeezed his shoulder and grinned from ear to ear, "That's really great. You should go, get the fuck outta here. Start over. So, what's she do? How'd ya'll meet?"

Wayne looked up and grinned back, "We met at AA…"

Now Jay rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Ain't that against the rules, daddy?"

Uncle Wayne just smirked as he leaned against the counter, "Us Whitlock's tend to bend the rules every once in awhile, son…"

Then he smiled and just shrugged, "She's a school teacher…was in town for some kind of seminar and she popped off into a meetin. She's been sober goin on twelve years now. Anyway, I don't know…we just…clicked. Been talkin on the phone a lot…she even taught me bout textin…I text, son, God save us all…"

Jay just grinned as he shook his head and Edward smiled, "You seem really happy, Wayne. She's quite lovely."

Wayne nodded as he grinned at Edward, "Yeah, I am, son…and she is quite lovely…"

Brady sneezed again and I grabbed the bottom of his chair and turned it to face me as he gasped from the sudden movement.

Lifting my hand to his cheek, I rubbed it softly as I studied his little face, "You need to take your contacts out, Princess. Your eyes look irritated. You got your glasses?"

He shook his head and sniffled, lookin miserable, "No, they're in Suzie's purse. I'll be fine…"

"Am I missin somethin here?"

Uncle Wayne was lookin at me with a raised eyebrow and I suddenly remembered that I hadn't talked to him in over a week so I just smiled, "I just moved to Houston, startin a new job at a tattoo shop on Monday and, turns out, I'm a little gay. Brady's my new boyfriend. I'm gonna try to get my probation moved to Seattle in six months."

He just looked at me in shock for a minute while everyone else laughed. Then he shook his head and laughed along with us, "There ain't no beatin round the bush with you, is there, son? Jesus Christ…"

Then he looked over at Brady and chuckled, "You got your work cut out with this one, son."

Brady just blushed and raised his eyebrow as he smirked at me, "That's okay, I'm a very hard worker…"

Now I was the one blushing as Uncle Wayne just burst out laughin, "Lord have mercy, he might be kinda perfect for you, little nephew…"

Debbie came bouncing back into the kitchen and sighed, "Aww, honey, I can't find any allergy medicine. I can make you some warm tea with honey?"

Brady smiled as he sniffled again, "It's okay, thank you anyway, I really don't want to be any hassle…"

She waved him off as she started rummaging through the cabinets, "Psh, sweetheart, ain't no hassle at all…"

He sneezed again and sheepishly nodded as his raspy little voice sighed, "Okay then, that'd be nice. Thank you, Debbie."

I couldn't stand to see my little man sittin there are sniffly and feelin bad so I stood up, "Hey, I'm gonna cut through the alley to the little corner store. They should still be open, I'm sure they got somethin there…"

Brady reached out and grabbed my hand, "Is it safe? You don't have to…"

And then he sneezed again. I smiled as I squeezed his little hand, "It'll take me five minutes, Brady. It's pretty quiet 'round here now, all the young people are over at the pool hall so it's fine…"

Wayne nodded as he reached out and pinched Debbie's butt, causin her to squeal before smacking his hand away and laughin.

"Yeah, mostly older folks round here now. You should be fine."

I leaned down and kissed his little lips, "I'll be right back…"

But he just jumped up after me and latched onto my hand, "I'll go with you. You just said it's safe…"

Then he got up on his tippy toes and whispered, "Please don't leave me here…"

He was a little uncomfortable since he didn't know Uncle Wayne too well and this was really the first time he talked to him.

Squeezin his little hand, I nodded, "Alright…c'mon, it's dark in the alley so just hold onto me…"

We made our way out the back door as I led him through the small yard, round to the side of the garage and out the back gate to the alley. It was dark as fuck out here, only the moonlight shinin and a few random back porch lights as we walked through the gravel.

He stumbled a few times but I always had a hold of him so he never fell.

At the end of the alley, we cut across the street to the little corner store and I let go of his hand. I felt bad but I just wasn't ready for that yet…not here…in Houston, it was fine but not in Mission.

But he didn't act like it bothered him as I held the door open and he smiled at me while passing through.

The old man at the register barely even looked our way as I paid for a box of tissues, a box of allergy pills, a bottle of baby oil for somethin special later, and a pack of cough drops that said they had soothing vapors in 'em. I thought his raspy little throat could use it.

We were in and out quickly and as soon as we stepped back into the darkness of the alley, I grabbed his hand back. He didn't say anything but I seen him smile up at me.

After a few minutes of nothin but the sound of crickets and a few passin cars on the street beatin their music real loud, Brady's little voice broke through the darkness, "Thanks for the medicine, Brandon. That was really sweet of you…"

I squeezed his hand and smiled as I struggled to see him in the dark alley, "S'no problem, babe. It's kinda my job now."

He laughed and it made my heart flutter a little, ain't gonna lie.

"Oh, so does that mean you're at my beckon call? Ready to fulfill all my wanton desires…"

Chucklin, I smacked his ass as he squealed.

"Whatever you want, baby, you just let daddy know and I'll take care of ya…"

For a minute, he just giggled but then he sighed and rose up on his tippy toes again as I leaned down to hear him whisper, "I'm so turned on right now…"

That made me laugh, "Really? Why?"

I think he shrugged as I squinted my eyes to see him, "I don't know…it's just um…really dark back here…and really dirty…the smell of alcohol and weed and dirt…the distant music thumping from the street over…the graffiti covered garages and broken glass…I don't know, it's just so…"

I chuckled as I started to understand, "Ghetto?"

I'm sure his little cheeks were bright red as he snickered, "I'm sorry…it's really stupid…"

"It's okay, Brady. I know all about your and Eddie's little ghetto fantasies…Jay told me. It's no big deal, baby…I fucked a midget once, remember…"

Not my finest hour, I'll admit but hey I was sixteen and she was a little twenty five year old shorty with a big fat ass…I couldn't help myself.

I understood all about fucked up little fantasies and if I could help my boyfriend fulfill one of his dirty little desires, then by God, I was gonna do it cuz that's what a good boyfriend does.

So, when we got behind Uncle Wayne's garage, I pulled him through the gate to the little walkway next to it. With my back to the garage, I pulled him close, his ass against my dick as he chuckled, "What are you…"

But I quickly dropped the bag at my feet, wrapped an arm around his waist, holdin him in place while my other hand clasped over his mouth. Leanin down to his ear, I whispered, "Shh, now, Princess…if you're too loud, someone will hear us and that would be a bad thing…"

He fell went forward, grasping onto the chain link fence in front of him. It was overgrown with weeds and bushes so I really didn't think anyone would be able to see us here, especially with almost no light back here.

That's why I kept my back to the garage, so I could keep an eye out and not have nobody sneakin up on me from behind.

The hand around his waist slid down, coverin the bulge of his dick in them tight ass jeans and squeezin softly as I purred quietly in his ear, "Mmm…you wanna fuck, Princess? Want daddy to fuck your pretty little ass in this dirty alley like a good little whore?"

I felt the vibration of his moan as he pushed his ass against my dick while noddin desperately.

He was such a pervy little thing…thank fuckin God cuz I've done too much wild shit in my life to be all vanilla in bed.

My dick was gettin painfully hard as he grinded his ass against it. Now I had to bite my lip to stifle a moan as that round, plush ass pushed hard against my throbbin dick.

I kept my hand firmly clasped over his mouth as my other hand popped the button on his jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down. He shuddered as I slid my hand straight down into his underwear and gripped his dick. It was hot and hard and pulsing in my hand as he gasped against my other one.

Chucklin, low and soft, I whispered, "Be a good boy and pull them pants down for daddy…"

No one's ever called me daddy before and I never woulda figured I'd like it so much but my boy had a thing for daddy kink and I was more than happy to oblige.

I kept him up by my hand around his dick and on his mouth as he let go of the fence and began shimmying those tight ass jeans and underwear down till they were crumpled around his knees.

He was pushin that fine, thick ass back against my zipper, rollin his sexy hips and then slowly thrustin forward into my hand as his warm breath beat against my palm.

Lettin go of his dick, I yanked open my zipper and just pulled my dick outta the hole in my boxers. That soft, pillowy ass rubbed up and down as he swirled his hips slow and seductive while he moaned into my hand.

It caused my eyes to roll back as both hands gripped those slender little hips and held them still so I could push back against that fuckin ass…

He gasped and rasped out, "Put your hand back over my mouth…"

My little man was such a fuckin freak…

I chuckled as I nibbled at his ear, "I gotta get the baby oil, Princess…you just bite that tongue and keep quiet, ya hear?"

Noddin his head, he still held onto that rickety old chain link fence in front of him as I bent down and snatched the baby oil outta the back quick and in a hurry.

But that sweet little cocoa ass was right there and I just couldn't stop myself as I grabbed him by the hips and buried my face right in it. He started to moan but I gave his left cheek a little smack and he stifled it real quick.

Then I grabbed those sweet cheeks and pulled them apart as I started tonguing his little love hole. And all I know is I must be one dirty mother fucker cuz stickin my tongue in this boy's ass had my dick hard as a fuckin rock.

The chain link fence was jarring slightly as he shook and trembled, every now and then I'd hear a soft gasp but he was a good boy and stayed quiet.

Once I couldn't take no more, I grabbed the baby oil and popped it open. Squirtin a little on my fingers, I then drizzled a little down the crack of his ass as I stood up.

Then I held up the baby oil and whispered, "Hold out your hand, I want you to touch yourself for me…"

He quickly let go of the fence with one hand and turned it palm up for me to squirt a little baby oil in it. Then I dropped the bottle down to the ground next to me and covered his mouth again with my clean hand as I trailed my coated fingers down the crack of his ass and circled that puckered little hole before pushin one inside.

I could hear the sound of that wet hand jerkin his dick frantically as his soft moan vibrated against my palm. Chucklin softly against his neck, I could feel the goose bumps rise on his skin as I kissed his shoulder and whispered, "Slow it down, baby…I wanna feel you cum with my dick inside you…"

Noddin his head, he slowed down his pace and his breathin came out in short hot puffs against my hand as I worked my slick finger inside him. We had been goin at it like jack rabbits all day so it didn't take long till he was pushin back against my finger enough that I easily slid the second one in.

My dick was throbbin against his ass as he rocked back onto my fingers and forward into his hand.

After his tight little hole was stretched open enough for my big dick, I whispered against his neck, "I think my dirty little boyfriend needs daddy's big dick in his ass…you ready?"

He nodded frantically, pushin back against my dick as I slid my fingers out. I wiped them on my jeans then reached down to grab the baby oil again. Pourin some in my hand, it's now that I finally remember…

"Oh _fuck_, Brady, I ain't got no condoms with me…do you?"

Lookin over his shoulder, I can barely make out those pretty eyes as he shakes his head and gasps, "No I don't have anything with me…just…fuck it, Brandon…fuck me, please…"

My dick is so fuckin hard, it's painful and most likely purple but I can't really see it in the darkness. I'm so fuckin tempted to just fuck him…I want to…I wanna fuck him…but fuck…_fuck_…god damn it…

"Brady, I can't…"

His voice rasps out as he pushes hard against my dick, causin my back to hit the garage as I mutter a low 'fuck' before grippin hard onto those hips.

"Brandon, your cum has been in my ears, my nose, my eyes, down my throat…if you had anything, I'd have it already anyway. And you said you've used condoms since you've gotten out and that you were tested in prison so _please_…for the fucking love of God, _please _fuck me…"

My dick is gonna burst…my whole body is hurtin from the force it's takin for me to _not _stick my dick in his ass and fuck him silly but I manage to groan, "But…I…"

"Fill me up with your cum, daddy…I want to feel you leaking out of my…"

_Jesus Christ, just fuck it…_

In a flash, my hand was covering his mouth again as I pushed him forward. My grip on his hips and mouth stopped him from stumbling as he gasped and latched back onto the fence, causing it rattle and shake but I don't give a fuck right now.

Once he's steady, I coat my dick and then it's right there…the head slidin between those thick cheeks and pressin against that needy little hole as I grunt, "Is this what you want? You want me to fuck you raw?"

His whole body is on fire as his skin erupts in goose bumps and he's noddin hysterical as he pushes back, takin the head of my dick inside and oh my fuckin god…

My whole body is drownin in warm, wet heat as he sinks all the way down, pushin my back against the garage from the force…

And christ it's good…god, it's so fuckin good that I can't even think straight…

I've never felt nothin like it…he's so tight that it's almost painful as his ass grips my dick while he thrusts back and I slam forward, causin us to stumble from the force. I yank my hand from his mouth as I grip the chain link fence to steady us, my other arm wrappin tight around his waist to keep him on his feet.

He gasps as he trembles and then he's mumblin somethin I can't understand but I can barely make out the word 'please' in there somewhere…

Once we gain our footing, I have to bite my lip to keep from screamin out and he slams back into me but I got a'hold of him good this time so I just push right back.

There ain't nothin sweet about it.

The fence is rattlin, we're both gruntin and groanin as we just fuck each other hard and dirty and fast and fuckin raw…

We're both hot and sweaty, the hair on the nape of his neck is wet and his skin is salty as I kiss on his neck. He's smells so fuckin good right now that I can barely stand it. He's smells musky…like sex.

He still has one hand on the fence but the other wraps around his dick cuz I can hear the sounds his wet hand makes as he jerks himself off…the dirty sound is fuckin hot and I wish like hell I could see it…

But we're hidin in the shadows so I can only hear and feel and taste…

I can feel tight, hot, wet skin huggin my dick…the softness of those thick cheeks as they hit my hips…his damp skin against my nose as I bury it in his neck and the his sweaty little stomach muscles twitchin as we push and pull against each other…

I can hear his raspy little grunts and breathless moans…the sound of the fence shakin from the force of us holdin onto it while we fuck like mad men…the wet, sloppy sounds of his hand over his dick, matchin the slick, squishy sound of my dick slidin in that ass…

I can taste the cocoa butter lotion he uses mixed with his salty skin and musk from the sweat…

And all of it together is way too fuckin much and I'm not gonna last long…

He gasps and I'm really hopin it's cuz he came already cuz I'm right fuckin there…

His ass clenches hard around my dick and it's game fuckin over…

I'm leanin against the garage, both hands on his hips, buryin my dick in his ass as I cum so fuckin hard it leaves me trembling.

We're both pantin, sweatin, and reekin of filth from the hard, dirty fuck we just had but for some reason, I'm not really feelin all riled up right now…so I just wrap both arms around him and hold onto him real tight while we both try to catch our breath.

And I'm feelin like I never wanna let him go…I just wanna hold him here with me, keep him right like this cuz there may have been nothin sweet bout what we just did but there is somethin kinda sweet about this moment right here…

I close my eyes and just kiss his little cheek as I whisper, "You okay?"

His arms are holdin onto mine as they hold onto him and we're both shiverin even though we're sweatin like whores. He nods his head and turns his face up to mine with the biggest grin and I can't stop myself from grinnin back…and then we're gigglin like idiots as he turns in my arms and buries his face in my chest.

I'm wrapped around him tight, holdin him close as I laugh against the top of his head. Then I kiss it and start yankin up his jeans and underwear. We just hold each other for a minute and this is almost as good as the fuckin…

Eventually we pull away and tuck our shit in and I can't help but smile as I look at him. The boy looks thoroughly fucked. His clothes are wrinkled, his shiny black hair is sticking up every which way, and his face is all flushed as he wears the silliest little grin.

I'm sure I look the same cuz my cheeks are hurtin from the dumb ass grin plastered on my face. I haven't smiled this much in…well ever.

I ran my hands through my hair a few times, tryin to smooth that crazy shit down 'fore I grabbed the bag and Brady's hand. He's giggling as he reaches up and kisses my cheek, whisperin, "Thanks, daddy."

And I was chuckling again as I kissed his little hand that was wrapped up in mine as we walked around the side of the garage to the back of the house.

"Ya'll are some dirty, freak nasty boys…I'm awfully proud to call ya kin…"

The sound of Jay's voice caused Brady to jump and stumble but luckily I grabbed him 'round the waist and stopped his fall.

I could barely make out Eddie and Jay sittin on the back porch, the dim light from the kitchen hardly shinin through the screen door.

Chucklin, I help Brady over to the porch in the darkness and grab Jay's cigarette pack sittin next him.

Brady laughs as he sits down next to Edward, "Hey, consider it payback for how many times you guys have done it in front of me…besides, you're the pervs if you watched…"

Edward's soft voice spoke up, "Um…we couldn't really see anything…the um…fence just kept shaking and we could uh…hear…things…um…I have your tea, by the way…I drank a little…it has honey in it…see…"

I can't see it, but I'm guessin Eddie's face must be red as fuck as he hands a glass to Brady. But my boy just giggles as he thanks Edward and takes a sip.

Jay hands me a lighter and I spark up my square, breathin in deep and slowly exhaling as I sigh, "Where's Uncle Wayne?"

Jay laughs, "Doin the same thing ya'll was just doin…"

I chuckle as I grab the medicine outta the bag and pop open a tablet, handin it to Brady, "Take this, babe."

He washes it down quickly with his tea and tells me thanks.

Then he squirms a little and nudges Jay, "Um, I need to use the bathroom. Can you show me where it is?"

Jay hops up to show him inside and leaves me and Eddie alone. This is the first time I've been alone with him and I know he's kinda shy but I kinda am too when I don't know people that well. Since he's Jay's husband though I figure I should try to make conversation.

Tuckin my hair behind my ear, I take a drag of my cigarette and try to think of somethin to say that ain't just stupid but luckily he speaks up first, "Brady's really happy. You make him very happy."

And now I'm the one turnin red as I slowly exhale, "He, uh…makes me really happy too."

His long legs are dangling over the edge of the porch as he kicks at the dirt and stares down at them, "Can I share something with you?"

That surprises me a little but I nod and he's quiet for a moment before his soft voice speaks again, "Your separation is going to be very difficult. When Jay and I were separated, it was devastating to both of us. Of course, the circumstances are a bit different but um…I just want you to know that if you ever um…need someone to talk to about how you're feeling, I'm here for you. Money isn't an issue for us so if you need us, we can be here anytime. I'm not so terribly worried about Brady because he's such an optimistic, upbeat person…I know he'll do his best to stay positive and he'll lean on his friends if he needs to but you…um…"

Then he looks up from the ground and his eyes meet mine. They're such a bright, vibrant green that even in the darkness, they seem to just light up.

"I had an accidental overdose when Jay was taken away and I ended up in a mental hospital for months…"

Holy shit, I wasn't expectin that…

"I'm telling you this because I want you to know how important it is to open up to your friends and family. Don't keep it all bottled up inside of you because those ugly demons tend to manifest when you're at your lowest point until they're just bursting out of you. If I would have just talked to the people that loved me, I could've saved myself from so much pain and sorrow. But loneliness festers into depression and madness if you let it…don't let it. Fight back against the anxiety and fear and sense of worthlessness…I know you and I have lived very different lives but I feel like, in some ways, we are very similar. Don't make the same mistake I did and lock yourself away from the outside world, Brandon. Let us in and we'll always be there to share your burdens because that's what family does. We love you and we'll always love you, no matter what happens. I just wanted you to know that."

_Jesus Christ, it's easy to see why Jay loves this boy so much… _

I'll admit, I didn't understand some of the stuff he said but I got the gist of it and he's right…I _do _lock myself away from the world…I _do _keep shit bottled up till it just bursts right outta me…and I _don't _wanna do that this time…I _don't _wanna freak the fuck out and break shit…I _don't _wanna lie for days on the couch barely eatin and sleepin cuz I just can't will myself to move…

I don't wanna be alone no more…

And I'm not…I'm in the family…and I got Brady…

I smile at the boy cuz it's almost impossible not to, "You remind me a lot of your dad…ya'll are some good guys, Edward."

He blushes as he looks down at his feet again, "My dad's an amazing man. I take it as a great compliment that I remind you of him."

It was hard to believe that Carlisle wasn't Edward's biological dad. They have a lot of the same mannerisms…they're soft spoken and intelligent…classy but real…

That's what was so endearin about them was that they was filthy stinkin rich but they didn't look like it or act like it…they didn't drive fancy cars or wear all kinds of jewelry…most boys 'round here get any kinda money and the only thing they care about is flashin it off so that everybody knows they ain't got what they got…

The Cullen's were different…they was just like normal people…

But really, they was better than most. Genuine, good people are rare as fuck to find.

Jay steps back out on the porch and he's huffin into his phone, "We're on our fuckin way…"

Then he growls, "Alice just got jumped, let's go.."

_Shit…that mother fucker…_

I was gonna whoop Jeremiah's ass…I knew it, I just knew somethin bad was gonna happen to one of em and fuck me if it didn't happen to the littlest one…

Alice was five foot nothin and cuz of the rumors, everyone knows she's got money…

Within seconds, we was in the truck and barrelin down the road. Eddie and Brady was squished in the middle as Jay drove but we wanted to be ready to jump right out if shit was poppin off…

As we pulled up on the scene, Jay muttered, "_Fuck_…Eddie stay in the car…"

But Eddie just mumbled, "Yeah right…"

And when I even looked at Brady to tell him not to get outta the car, he gave me his best 'Bitch please' look so I just huffed, "Ya'll stay with Emmett, he's right there…he's got Alice…"

_Thank fuckin God…_

I pointed at the small crowd of people outside the little ghetto ass pool hall…the parkin lot was packed with cars thumpin and a circle of people 'round back. Emmett was just outside the crowd, with Alice pulled against him and Rosalie practically wrapped around her as he held onto them both protectively. The look on his face was enough to keep anyone from tryin to test him. Jeremiah was holdin Suzie back as she snarled like a wild animal at Candace who was doin the same but bein held back by some asshole. Jeremiah and him was yellin but was too busy holdin back the women to notice the other guys that were startin to creep in around the back…

The truck skidded to a stop causin the crowd to separate and Jay and I both jumped out as I hollered, "Behind you, Cuz…"

Jeremiah let go of Suzie just in time to turn around and side step before the other one swung on him. Suzie already had Candace, holdin onto her by the scalp as she just kept drillin her in the face.

Jay huffed as he pointed at Emmett, "Em, stay with them…"

Emmett nodded as he rushed the girls over to the truck where Brady was still sittin in it, eyes wider than I ever seen em, lookin terrified and Eddie standin with the door open just watchin Jay's every move.

Things were gettin crazy when they seen me and Jay stormin up…the circle started getting rowdier and people was poppin off at the mouth bout Jay…

I wasn't sure how good he could fight but I was prayin that he could hold his own cuz we was walin right straight into the middle of a shit storm…

At times like this, you don't talk shit, like Jeremiah does…you just start hittin…

Glancin back to make sure Brady and Edward were with Emmett now, I turned and quickly started doin just that…

Any guy that got within hittin distance, I'm knockin him the fuck out. Jay's beside me, a look on his face that I know too well cuz it's the same one I'm wearin…

Neither one of us wanted this mother fuckin bullshit today and all I want is to get my baby cousins and Brady outta here in one piece and never see them look on any of their faces again…

I hear some asshole holler out 'bout the little Fairy Whitlock boy that's come to…

I didn't hear nothin else cuz Jay just laid him out with a left hook without even breakin his stride toward the center of the circle…

He was a cocky fucker like I was at his age…it scared me for him…

Luckily, we only gotta hit a couple of fuckers 'fore they just start backin up and lettin us through…

Once people are outta the way, we're just in time to see some fucker grabbin Suzie by the back of her hair to try and yank her off Candace and I'm on him…

Grabbin his wrist, I twist it hard as I clock him on the side of his head knockin him to the ground. Then I just stomp his elbow with my big, fuckin work boot and hear that bone snap in two.

Some fucker runs up on me but I just side step and grab the back of his head, slammin it into the hood of some unlucky fucker's car.

Next I'm grabbin Suzie 'round the waist and yankin her off the bloody mess that used to be Candace's face, she was gonna kill her if I didn't get her outta there.

She's still fightin and screamin and kickin as I hold her tight and growl in her ear, "Fuckin stop this shit, Suzie! Calm yer ass down!"

Jay's over to Jeremiah, yankin a fucker off of him and I barely see the glint of the knife 'fore I hear Edward screaming for him.

Suzie gasps as a guy comes outta nowhere from the crowd and lunges a knife at Jay's back. But luckily, Edward's scream caused his head to turn just in time…it sliced through his forearm but it coulda been a whole lot worse if he woulda got his back.

I let Suzie go but before I can even get to him, Jay's grabbed the guy by the back of the head, slammin it into the curb.

The knife drops and he grabs it as the fucker sputters outta his toothless bloody mouth that he's gonna gut the faggot…

And as Jay kicks him in the face, he growls, holdin that knife against his thigh so hard his knuckles are white, "How 'bout I gut you, fucker…"

Everyone's startin to back up a little now, in shock about the turn of events but all I can do is yank Jeremiah's drunk ass up to his feet and huff at Jay, "You ain't guttin shit, Jay, let's get the fuck outta here 'fore the cops come…"

He's antsy, snarlin as he fingers that knife in his hand while the other fuckers taunt him with…

"The queer don't have the balls to do it…"

"Pussy fag ain't got the guts…"

"C'mon, homo, show us how bad you are…"

This is what I feared but for myself, I never thought I'd see my little cousin fightin with this bullshit here…he shouldn't be here…none of us should…

I take a deep breath and try not to growl, "C'mon, Jay…we gotta bounce, man…"

Now I hear people yellin out that they ain't gonna let us leave…to stop us…

But Jay ain't listenin…till I see Eddie runnin up with a baseball bat and a haunted look in those green eyes as he speaks softly, "Jay, you're holding a knife right now…do you know what it's doing to me to see you like this?"

Someone starts to holler out 'bout the fairy's fag boyfriend comin to save him but he gets cut off when Eddie just points that bat at him and growls with a look in his eye that I didn't even know he could have, "Shut the fuck up!"

Brady's still in the truck, tears streamin down his face and for the first time in my life, I'm worried bout bein in the middle of this shit.

Fights never bothered me before cuz I didn't care what happened to me…but I cared about the others…

Then I hear the roar of motorcycles and can't help but chuckle as Uncle Wayne and a couple of his buddies roll up right into the middle of the circle and park.

They get off their bikes and Uncle Wayne smiles as he pulls back the flannel over top his t-shirt, showin off the gun tucked into the waist of his jeans, "Son, gimme the knife and ya'll head on back to the hotel…I already called Eddie's daddy, he's waitin on ya…"

Edward sighs and the crazy look from his eyes is gone as he pinches the bridge of his nose and mutters, "Shit, you called my dad?"

Wayne just chuckles as he lights up a square and slowly exhales, "Yup…ya'll go on now, get the fuck outta here. We'll just stay right here and make sure ya'll ain't got no problems leavin…"

Jay finally snaps back and pulls away with a huff, foldin up the switchblade and handin it to his daddy as he grabs Edward by the face and just lays one on him.

The crowd is pretty much hushed now by the shock of it but it doesn't stop them boys from smooching hard and when Jay pulls away, they're both pantin as he whispers, "I'm sorry, baby boy…didn't mean to scare you…"

Eddie just nods with bright red cheeks as Jay drags him away with his arm around his shoulder and a shit eatin grin and I swear I hear some of the girls whisperin that that was really hot.

Jeremiah's next to me, grabbin Suzie as he spits blood on the pavement, "C'mon, Suzie Q…we gotta go…I gotta check on Alice…"

She looks like she's in shock as he has to drag her over to the others and I sigh, run my hand through my hair as I look at the mess around us.

Then I just mutter, 'fuckin Jeremiah, I'm kickin your ass,' and step over the bodies on the ground, walkin past Uncle Wayne's buddies, I nod my head, "S'up, Davis…Leroy…"

I've known them for a long time, first as friends of Cliff's cuz he'd talk about 'em when we was locked up, then when I stayed with Uncle Wayne cuz they was all good buddies.

Leroy grinned, "Hey son, Cliff said you better write him with your new address and to quit bein an asshole…"

I just chuckled as I walked past, "How's he know I'm a bein an asshole?"

Davis chuckled as he leaned against his bike, "Cuz you're always an asshole…"

Uncle Wayne laughed as he exhales, "Runs in the family son…"

Once I got back to the truck, Suzie was cuddlin up with Brady in the front seat. Jay and Eddie was pilin into the SUV with the others.

One look at Brady's little tear stained face and them big brown eyes and I knew that it didn't matter what no one else thought of me…it only mattered what he thought of me…

And I kinda understood where Jay's bravery came from.

So I shut the door behind me as I slid behind the wheel and grabbed his little cheeks, pullin him in for a soft kiss. I could taste the salt on his lips and I hated that I was the one that put it there…

Though really, I blamed Jeremiah…

_Still gonna kick his ass…_

When I pull away, I brush his tears away with my thumb and whisper, "You okay?"

He nods and sniffles, "Are you?"

I kiss his forehead and chuckle as I pull him to my side, wrappin my arm around him and tousling Suzie's hair, "Yeah, I'm ok…ready to get the fuck outta here and never come back…"

Suzie mumbles against Brady's chest, "Amen, brother…"

We pull off down the road behind the SUV and follow them back to the hotel as Suzie tells us what happened. Jeremiah was drunk and bein an ass when Candace tried to talk to him. It started a bunch of shit and the next thing Suzie knew, someone was yellin that Alice was bein jumped in the girls bathroom so she went in after her. Suzie and Rose got the girls off Alice and Rosalie pulled her away when Suzie told her to get Alice outta there.

They went to Em and he called Jay. Then as Em was tryin to get them outta there, Alice and Candace started a screamin match. Candace went after her again when they got outside and the crowd started gatherin as Rose pulled her away and Jeremiah kept Suzie from goin after Candace. Jeremiah and the boys she brought with her was goin at it and that's when we showed up.

I ran my hand through my hair and huffed, wishin I had bummed a square from Jay before I left, "Is Alice okay?"

Suzie stared out the window, her long blonde hair blowin in the wind, "She's got a black and a busted lip, few cuts and bruises but she'll be okay…she's a little pistol though…Candace was screamin that Jeremiah only wanted her for her money and she was screamin back that she'd buy him the best lawyer money could buy to make sure she never seen JJ again…"

Alice shoulda never been put in that position in the first place…but I'm glad she was tough enough to handle it…I hoped she wasn't done with Jeremiah after this dumb shit though…he'd never forgive himself…

When we got to the hotel parking lot, I pulled into a spot but seen the SUV pulled up by the curb. When we walked up, Carlisle was there…and he did not look happy.

Pointin his finger, he huffed, "I need to take Jasper to the hospital to stitch that arm up…"

Jay whined, "Can't you just do it here?"

Carlisle's eyes rolled back as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "Forgive me, son, for not bringing my suture kit on vacation. Now get your ass in the car…"

Edward started to follow him when Carlisle spoke again, "If your name ends with Whitlock, get in the car…if it doesn't, then go upstairs. Your mother is waiting."

Eddie cleared his throat, "Um…technically my last name is Whitlock now so I…"

The look Carlisle gave him, stopped in his tracks and he quickly kissed Jay on the cheek, whispering 'good luck' before grabbing Brady's hand and pulling him along.

Brady gave me a sweet smile before they all disappeared inside the hotel.

All I really wanted was to grab my boy and go the fuck home but I respected Carlisle and after all he done for me and my family, the man deserved for us to just shut the fuck up and listen a little bit.

I was in the middle of the SUV with Jay next to me, Jeremiah and Suzie in the back.

For a minute, he was just muttering as he fumbled with his seat belt before turning around and huffing, "What the hell were you thinking? You are not kids anymore! Do you realize what could've happened tonight? What almost _did _happen?"

I barely knew the man but fuck did I feel like shit…he was far too pretty to look so worn out.

Jay spoke quietly with his head down, "Shit, I'm sorry, Carlisle…"

He ran his hand through his sandy blonde hair that was startin to show some silver here and there, "Sorry isn't good enough, son. I'm sick of this. You got stabbed tonight, Jasper, in front of Edward and then you wouldn't let go of the knife! Do you have any idea what that could do to him? The nightmares?"

Jasper was holdin the flannel shirt wrapped around his arm as he looked down at his feet and sniffled, "I…I don't even know what to say…"

Carlisle let out all the air in his lungs and reached a hand out, patting his knee, "Don't say anything, son…just think. I'm not going to be around forever, Jasper…you have got to stop with this schoolyard macho bullshit and grow up. You want to be a doctor, well then you're going to have to start presenting yourself as such a man. A man that is smart enough to avoid bad situations that put him or his family in danger. Do you really think any Children's Hospital is going to hire a doctor with a rap sheet a mile long? Every decision you make now, directly affects your future, son. Keep your head on straight because incarceration is not your only concern. You are married to my son and that entitles you to a great deal of money, Jasper. You go out here and hit the wrong person and next thing you know, you're in court battling for millions in pain and suffering. As my son, you have got to start being smarter. And you, young lady…"

He pointed at Suzie now and her head perked up, "If your brother is going to do something stupid, you do not need to tag along. I appreciate the fact you were trying to protect Alice but you do not need this violence in your life, sweetheart."

She was snifflin now as she nodded and rasped out, "I don't like bein like that…I don't like bein outta control like that…I hate it here…I just wanna go home…I miss Peter…"

Then she turned to Jeremiah and huffed, "Why the hell do you wanna impress these assholes, bubby? They ain't worth it! And I know Candace is a bitch but you was wrong callin her out her name like you did tonight! It's no wonder she went after Alice after the things you said! Why do you think I hate it here so much, huh? Cuz I'm sick and tired of bein called a bitch and a slut and whore…but you just throw them names around like it's a fuckin joke! But to the women in your life that have been on the receivin end, it ain't so funny!"

Jeremiah was a fuckin wreck and I almost felt bad when he started sobbin like a baby, "I'm…s…sorry…I…d…didn't mean it…Alice…probably…hates me…and I was…so mean to…mama and…I…I…"

Next thing I know, Carlisle is wedged between me and Jasper, leanin over the seat and pullin Jeremiah into a hug as he sobs on his shoulder.

The poor guy is pathetic. Drunk and cryin so I decide I'm just gonna give him a break and not kick the shit outta him.

Carlisle whispers, "I know how hard this is for you, son…my very last words to my mother were, 'to hell with you,'…she was a horrible mother but that still haunted me for many years because that's not the type of man I wanted to be for my wife…our son…I wanted to be a good man…a patient and forgiving man…a man that would make my family proud…so you go on up to the hotel room and sober up…in the morning, we'll go see your mother and you can give her a proper good bye."

He nods his head and wipes his eyes with his arm, then looks over at Suzie and sniffles, "I'm sorry…"

But then a knock on the side door window gets our attention and I quickly slide it open when I see Edward and JJ. He sighs, "Sorry but he wouldn't calm down after he saw Alice until he sees that his daddy is okay."

JJ's eyes are wide and rimmed red as he reaches out to Jeremiah in the back seat. Eddie hands him over and JJ wraps his arms around him as Jeremiah rubs his head, "Hey buddy, daddy's okay…"

JJ sniffles and his little voice rasps out, "Why come Ali got hurt? You s'posed to keep the women safe daddy…dat's your job…"

Jesus Christ, I got a feelin Jeremiah's been emotionally kicked in the fuckin balls a lot tonight.

Jeremiah's voice was just broken as he whispered, "I…know…I'm…sorry…daddy messed up…"

JJ pulls up and smiles as he holds up a half eaten cookie, "It's okay, daddy. I got dis tookie…you can have it!"

Jeremiah finally smiled through his tears and chuckled, "Thank you, little man, but you go ahead and eat it. Daddy'll be alright…"

Carlisle had gotten back into the front seat now as he sighed, "Okay, I need to get Jasper looked at so why don't you all go ahead and go on up to the room…"

He didn't yell at me and I was kinda thankful for that. So I reached up and squeezed his shoulder, muttering a low, "Thanks, Carlisle."

And he turned his head and smiled, "You were actually the best behaved Whitlock boy tonight, son. Congratulations."

Edward crawled in next to Jay as I chuckled as I got out, then Jeremiah and Suzie shuffled out. Jeremiah was still a little wobbly on his feet so I reached out to JJ, "Hey little man, why don't you come on over here to Uncle B…ya'll are leavin tomorrow and I ain't gonna see ya for awhile…"

He curled up in one arm and I threw the other 'round Jeremiah's shoulder, pullin his drunk ass close, I chuckled, "This has been fun, Cuz, thanks…"

Half snifflin, half chucklin, he stumbled next to me but I kept him up, "I'm sorry, Cuz…didn't mean to act an ass on our last night here…"

I just helped him up to the room as I smiled, "S'okay, I'm used to it…but straighten your ass up for this little one here and that sweet little lady you got upstairs…"

He nodded his head and mumbled, "I'm gonna…"

When we walked into the room, I was glad to see that Brady was still awake as he ran up to me and bounced on his toes. Throwing his arms around me, he let out a breath and whispered, "Is everything okay?"

I handed off a now sleepin JJ to Esme and hugged him back with both arms, "Yeah, everythin's fine…you still feel like goin back to my place?"

He pulled away and smiled as he pushed his glasses up on his nose. He musta put them on when they got here. I really liked it and found myself grinning like an idiot again as he blushed, "Yes, let's get out of here."

We said our good-byes to everyone and Esme reminded us that they'd be over at noon to pick Brady up for the airport.

It was already almost midnight and we still had a two hour drive back to Houston.

But the drive was nice.

The windows was down, the warm breeze sendin the scent of cocoa butter all around me as he curled up under my arm and laid his head against my shoulder.

We didn't talk much but the silence was soothing and helped settle my nerves from the long fuckin night we just had.

My tummy started growlin bout half way there and he grinned up at me, "We forgot to eat…want to make a run for the border?"

So a few minutes later, we was pullin off the highway to the nearest Taco Bell.

We pulled up to the drive thru and I grabbed my wallet, "Want you want, Princess? I'm buyin this time…"

He just gave me that evil, sexy little smirk as he crawled over my lap and stuck his head out the window.

And this time I didn't have to resist as I reached up and smacked that little bubble of an ass. He squealed and giggled as he gave them his order, then I just ordered the same while he curled back up next to me.

After we got our food, we just parked and talked a little as we ate…

.

.

.

"I'd drive ya to the airport myself, it's just…"

Scratchin at the back of my hair, I felt like an idiot as my cheeks flamed up, "It's just that I ain't ever been there before and bein 'round all them people…"

He smiled sweetly and patted my knee, "It's okay, Brandon. I can ride with the Cullen's."

I hated bein scared to do shit…he deserved better than that…he deserved a man that, at the very least, could take his pretty ass to the airport when it was time to go home.

But just the thought of all them people and all that confusin shit just made my skin crawl.

I wanted to be the last thing he seen in Texas so he wouldn't forget me when he got back to Seattle 'round all them handsome business men and shit…but I didn't think I had it in me…

.

.

.

"Brandon, you are fucking insane…" he giggled and I smiled.

"I'm not insane…I woulda kicked ass back then!"

He was red and crying from laughin so hard, "Okay, so if we lived back in ancient times, I suppose it would be acceptable to carry around a sword and chop off people's hands for touching my ass but sweetheart, we don't live in ancient times! You can't just cut people's hands off for touching me!"

Shruggin, I took a drink of my Dr. Pepper and grinned, "It would be awesome if I could though…"

He just shook his head and giggled as he ate another cinnamon twist.

.

.

.

"Maybe um…maybe I can come back when the semester is finished. That's only two and a half months. And if your parole gets moved in six months, that will put you in Seattle for my birthday in October!"

I chuckled, "Aww baby, where you want daddy to take ya for your birthday? There's Chuck E. Cheese or the pettin zoo…"

He smacked my arm and giggled, "Hey old man, I'll have you know that the petting zoo is amazing! All those little cute bunnies and baby duckies…besides, I'll be 20 and you'll finally _not _be dating a teenager…"

Cringing, I sometimes forgot how young he was, "I'm gonna be 26 next month…are you sure I ain't…"

But he reached up and put his finger to my lips as he smiled sweetly, "You're not too old for me….I want this…I want you…nothing else matters…"

I smiled against his fingers and kissed them softly as I whispered, "I want this too…"

Like I never wanted nothin else in my whole entire miserable life…I wanted this…

I just wish I was brave enough to tell him how much I loved him…

.

.

.

Eventually, we finished up our food and got back on the road again. But this time, his belly was all full and he curled up next to me and fell asleep.

And even though he was droolin on my chest, I had never been happier and felt more at ease than when I had this sweet little man all safe and sound in my arms.

It was well after 2am by the time we got back to my place and after I parked in the back lot behind the building, I pulled Brady into my arms and carried him up the steps. It took me a minute to get the door unlocked but he never even roused as I shut it behind me and carried him over to the bed.

After layin him down, I went and took a piss then brushed my teeth and washed my face before headin back in there and attemptin to get the boy undressed for bed,

But I couldn't even figure out how to get his boots off…there was snaps and zippers and I growled in frustration just as he started giggling.

He raised up on his elbows and cocked his eyebrow, "Are you trying to get me naked?"

My cheeks heated up as I chuckled, "Your fuckin clothes are too confusin…invest in some Velcro, would ya?"

He just laughed as he reached down and petted my cheek, "I'm as likely to wear Velcro as I would Rosalie's old cheerleading skirt, darling. Ain't gonna happen…"

Then my cheeks really caught on fire at the thought of that sexy ass and that tight little tummy in a barely there cheerleadin skirt…

I didn't realize I was rubbin my dick till he pushed my shoulder and just got caught up in a fit of laughter, "Oh my God! You _are _kinky!"

I just shrugged as he finally kicked off those boots and began shimmyin down them tight ass jeans.

He chuckled, "Skype time is going to be soooo much fun…"

I still wasn't sure what the hell a Skype was…

But it didn't matter none, cuz a few minutes later we was curled up naked in my bed, kissin and rubbin and touchin…

My hand was on his ass and my face was buried in his neck as he whispered breathlessly, "I can still feel you inside of me…"

Groanin, I pulled him against my hard dick, "Ya wanna feel me again?"

And he stammers for a second before raspin out, "Um…I'm a little sore…"

I raise up off him and look at his flushed little face, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

He smiles and runs his fingers through the scruff on my chin, "I'm fine, baby…we've just um…done it a lot today and I'm not used to it yet…"

My dick was so fuckin hard and I was so fuckin worked up but I understood cuz we had been goin at it like jack rabbits today and an ass ain't like a pussy…

But before I could even think bout what I was sayin, I grinded my dick against his and moaned, "Fuck me then…"

His eyes went wide as he stuttered, "W-what? Are…are you sure?"

I was so fuckin horny that I just pulled him on top of me, spreadin my legs as I pushed the bottle of lube into his hand, "Yeah…just…be careful…"

If he could do it, then I could too, right?

Now he seemed to be as worked up as me as he settled between my legs with wide eyes but he was already coatin his fingers in the lube…

However, as worked up as I was, when I felt the tip of his finger press inside me…I had an involuntary reaction and jumped…kickin him off the bed completely…

I heard the thud 'fore I even realized what I did but then I was leanin over the edge of the bed, pantin, "Holy shit, are you okay?"

He was lyin butt naked on the floor, his dick still hard as he started just laughin so hard he snorted.

Then I was laughin, even though I felt like a fuckin idiot.

I helped him up and pulled him back in bed as he giggled, "I'm fine, Brandon…but um…maybe we should work our way up to that very slowly…"

Holdin him close to me, I brush the damp hair from his forehead and grin, "Sorry for kickin you…"

By the time we're done laughin, we're not hard anymore but that's okay cuz I was still havin fun and enjoyed the snugglin time almost as much as the fuckin.

Maybe even more.

And there was nothin better than this right here.

Just lyin here naked with the man I loved, holdin him close as his little body fit against mine like it was made to go there. His skin was so soft and so warm…he smelled so good and I had never been so content in my whole god damn life.

Once we started driftin off, he whispered against my chest, "Brandon, I…I…um…this has been the best week of my whole entire life…"

Kissin the top of his little head, I smiled and whispered back, "Mine too, Brady."

And even though I was still too chicken shit to tell him I loved him, I fell asleep with a smile on my face cuz this really had been the best week of my whole entire life…

Fuck tomorrow, I'll deal with that shit…tomorrow.

For now, I was just gonna be happy.

**A/N : Aww the boys say they're good byes tomorrow but I must say, I, for one, am really looking forward to those Skype sessions and sexy phone calls…**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I really wanna thank you guys for sticking with me and my stories. I know I don't answer many reviews but it's not because I don't love and appreciate each one. I just work a ridiculous amount of hours and figure you'd rather get updates so thank you. And to the one anon reviewer that keeps razzing me about my problem with tenses, I get it. I suck at tenses. But if you've read all 52 chapters of LL and this story, why the hell are you torturing yourself with my crappy tenses if it bothers you so much? And seriously, if you wanna pay me for the time it takes to write these stories, the time away from my family, then I promise to work on getting those tenses right for you. However, if you choose to keep reading my stuff for free on fan fiction, get over it or go read one of the other two hundred thousand Twilight stories on the site. **

**Oh and a big thank you to Fan Fiction for finally giving us the option to delete asinine anon reviews.**

**One last thing, I broke this chapter into both boys POV's because I thought it was important you see both sides.**

**Song Playlist: We've Got Tonight by Bob Seger and Don't Take Your Love Away by Vast**

**Brady's POV**

The first time I woke up, it was to Brandon messing with the alarm clock. His big, strong back was turned from me so I slid up behind him, nuzzling his shoulder blades as I whispered, "What are you doing, baby?"

It was still dark outside.

I felt his shoulders rise with the deep breath he took before he rumbled, "Turnin' on some music…it's too quiet to sleep…"

I still wasn't sure how he slept with so much noise but music was okay.

Once a station was finally focused in on the little clock radio, he turned and looked at me with a beautiful dimpled grin on his scruffy cheeks, his tired blue eyes lighting up, "Oh, I just gotta dance with you to this, Princess…"

My heart leapt and my eyes flashed open as I smiled, "Really? I thought you didn't dance…"

But he was already standing up, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet as he chuckled, "The only two people I'm willin' to make an exception for…you and Bob Seger…"

I was standing on the bed while he stood on the floor. Burying my head against his shoulder I giggled, "Who's Bob Seger?"

There was a huff in my ear and a swift smack against my ass. I yelped and giggled even more as he whispered, "Remind me to spank ya good later for that shit…I can't believe ya don't know who Bob Seger is…it's a damn shame. Just listen to the words, Princess…"

He was so big and I loved being cuddled against his body as we swayed slowly to the music. We were both completely nude, sticky and sweaty dancing in front of an open window with the moonlight pouring in. The soft music played on the little clock radio, old and static-y but the moment could not have been more perfect.

Until he started singing in my ear, low and raspy, "We've got tonight…who needs tomorrow…"

The words alone were enough to make my toes curl into the sheets tangled underneath my feet but those words coming from his lips just made me close my eyes and melt into him.

I never realized that something could feel so good and be so painful all at the same time.

Bittersweet.

But I held on as I tight as I could, dancing with a man that I was certain, would dance only for me.

_Bob doesn't stand a fucking chance._

The next time I woke up, the sun's rays were just beginning to break through the window. I was so content, wrapped tight and warm in the big, strong arms of a man greater than any of my fantasy men.

He was the beautiful, tragic, heroic, warrior of my make-believe childhood fairy tales…

Brandon was so beautiful it took my breath away…every scar perfectly placed on a flawless canvas…eyes that reminded me of bright blue skies and a smile that went straight to my dick…a snarl that went straight to my dick too…pretty much anything to do with his mouth went to my dick…

_His mouth on my dick…fuck…_

And his hands…and his thighs…and fuck me, that pale round ass…yeah, it's whiter than any other part of his body but it's fucking amazing…

_Shit…_

I had to wiggle my arms free from his death lock to rub my cock for a little relief…all of these thoughts about his body and the feeling of his unbelievably blessed dick pressed warm and thick against my bare ass was just too much for a boy to take…

If I didn't move, I was going to end up impaling myself on his cock and the poor thing was sleeping so well…probably from the awesome blow jobs we exchanged after our midnight rendezvous…so I didn't want to wake him up just yet. It was 6:15 and he was still sleeping so I took that as a good sign.

Very carefully, I inched my way out of his tight embrace and made sure he was still sound asleep before I slowly crept off the bed. I didn't want to walk around naked so I went to his closet and started looking through his t-shirts…I mean, I'm his boyfriend now so I'm totally allowed to do this…

There was a baby blue one, the color of his eyes, with 'Don't mess with Texas,' in white on the back.

_I am _so _keeping this…_

Carefully pulling it from the hanger, I slip it on…it's way too big and comes down mid thigh but it will make me think of him whenever I wear it…

_I should leave him something of mine…_

It makes me sad as I pull open the drawer to his old dresser and see all my underwear and socks, knowing I have to pack them up to go home.

But no, I refuse to give into the negative feelings today…Brandon doesn't need someone to bring him down, he needs someone to lift him up.

And I will be that someone.

I figure I might as well get my packing over with so I grab my bag and begin putting my underwear and socks in it. But then I hold up my little black undies.

_Brandon will like these…_

Opening his underwear drawer, I tuck them underneath the stack so that he finds them a few days from now. I make sure the bottom is up so that he can see the, 'Like a Ninja,' written across it in red cursive letters.

Before I finish packing, I pad my way to the little kitchen and make some coffee. For some reason, even the scent perks me right up.

After pouring myself a cup, I walk around his place, just taking it all in very slowly so that I could remember every little detail…I didn't want to forget a single thing.

Then I came to the small white wall facing the side of his bed and couldn't stop the smile as I saw little blue and green handprints along the bottom. The boys had scribbled mostly but there was something that resembled a tree and maybe a dinosaur?

Setting down my coffee cup on his nightstand, my eyes are drawn to his bicep and all of a sudden they're focused intently on that little monster hidden in the shadows of black ink and scarred skin.

_His lonely little monster…_

Then my eyes drifted to his paints in the corner of the room. He only had a few basic colors but I could work with it. Plus, I had all the nail polish that Suzie had painted my toes with when we were packing the night before we came to Texas.

I wasn't as good as Brandon at lifelike portraits but I was fantastic at landscapes and cartoons…I _did _get into college on a full art scholarship, I've got some skills.

So I went to work on a part of the wall, painting a beautiful sunny day, with green grass and blue skies…a big weeping willow tree because it reminded me of Brandon's strength and his ability to bend with the storms but not break…a rainbow to represent all the beautiful color in his life…and two monsters…a big one and a little one that looked just like the one on his arm…and then a little jar that said 'Clay' next to the little monster because I thought it would make him laugh.

Seeing Brandon laugh was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Stepping back, I looked at the wall in triumph.

_That's right, I'm the mother fucking man…_

The sound of the bed creaking caught my attention but when I began to turn, I was cut off by a low raspy growl, "Don't. Fuckin. Move."

Going rigid, I froze in place…well except for my dick that twitched in anticipation.

Hearing him rise from the bed and stalk over to me, I shuddered before he was even touching me.

Then his body brushed up against mine from behind, his arms snaking around my waist, scruff tickling my ear as that deep voice rasped, "Do you know what you're fuckin doin to me right now? Standin' here, in nothin but _my _'Don't Mess With Texas' t-shirt, drinkin your little coffee and paintin' rainbows on my wall…"

Pushing my barely covered ass back against his stiff, warm cock, I chuckled breathlessly, "_Feels _like I'm being the most awesome boyfriend in the whole world…"

He started chuckling and I could feel his whole body shake as he wrapped himself around me. It was the most incredible feeling in the world…to be wrapped up in his happiness…his dick rubbing against my ass…

The hair on his chin tickles my ear as he whispers low and gravely, "You are the most awesome boyfriend in the whole world, baby…"

For a moment, I'm swooning but then he lifts up and chuckles, "Damn, princess, you got skills…"

Letting go of me to step closer to the wall, I can't help but smile proudly as he grins while staring at the picture I painted for him.

He's also butt naked and has the ass of a pale white champion.

"Brady, this is fuckin incredible…it looks just like my tattoo…and aww…"

Turning, he grinned with deep dimples and sparkly blue eyes, "You made a little jar of clay…this is really cute…it'll make me think of you every time I see it…"

Walking slowly to the big, sexy, beast of a man, I look up at him from underneath my lashes in a dreadful attempt at being sexy.

"And when you think of me, will you smile?"

Wrapping his arms around me, he grins sweetly, "O'course, babe…I always smile when I'm jackin' off…"

Now I'm laughing as I smack his chest, "It's so creepy to smile when you're spanking it…"

Chuckling, he shrugged, "It is what it is…"

Smiling up at him, I just shake my head, "Where did this conversation just go?"

He grinned, "The fuckin' gutter."

Tracing my fingers over the black ink on his arm, I smile as I read it aloud, "I may be lying in the gutter but I'm staring at the stars…"

The moment changes as I feel his skin prickle and rise underneath my fingertips and his fingers are gripping my hips, pulling me closer.

Pressing my cheek against his strong chest, the soft hair tickles as the sound of his heart beating thumps in my ear.

_Sweet Jesus, this is real…he is _so _real…not a fantasy…not a dream…_

His big strong hand brushes through my hair as he whispers, "Can I fuck you now?"

And the moment is officially ruined as I snort against his chest, smack it, then smile up at him, "Yes, please."

A second later, my back is against the wall, luckily not the painted one, and my legs are wrapped tight around his waist.

_Screw that other moment…this one was fabulous…_

I can feel his strong ass clenching beneath my ankles as he pushes the shirt up over my ass.

Grabbing the bottom of the shirt, I begin to yank it off when he shakes his head and rasps, "The t-shirt stays on…you look fuckin sexy in it…"

I'm already far too worked up as I tighten my legs around him, squirming so that my dick is rubbing against his through the t-shirt as I breathlessly whisper, "God, you make me crazy…"

He held me with one arm as the other moved to the nightstand to get the lube but he chuckled, "You make me sane…"

I giggled as he popped the top off and coated his fingers like a pro using only one hand. Then I moaned as that delicious fire spread throughout my body when he curled his big fingers inside of me.

Pushing down on them, I held onto the back of his damp, sweaty hair as my other hand trailed down his hard chest and finally wrapped around my cock.

Gasping in relief, I stroked myself firmly as his eyes cast down to watch. They were lidded and fixated as I brushed the sticky wet tip with my finger and brought it up, rubbing it gently across his bottom lip.

Without hesitation, his lips wrapped around it, tongue swirling as the hum of his appreciation tickled my finger.

And then his mouth was on mine, the taste of my cock on his tongue as he kissed me desperately.

His fingers gently pulled out and soon after I heard the sound of the condom opening. I didn't want to use a condom but in the light of day, I knew it was the right thing to do and I was glad he obviously felt that way too.

Like an expert, he opened and put it on one handed. I was actually glad he was so experienced because sometimes I still felt like such a noob to all of this.

Dreaming about it and doing it are two very different things.

I close my eyes and hold him tight as he pushes his cock against my hole, the sting lasts but just a moment until he's all the way inside me. Panting against my neck, he whispers, "You okay?"

Groaning, I throw my head back as I bounce a little, "Fuck _yes_…fuck me hard, Brandon…please, baby…_please_…"

Arching my back, he grips my hips, holding me still as he pulls his cock out so that just the head is in and then he slams it back. His balls smack my ass as I cry out, fingers digging into his shoulders as I mumble incoherently for more.

Again I wonder how something can be painful but so fucking good at the same time.

With each hard thrust, I'm seeing stars behind my eyelids. He's snarling, growling as he curses about how tight and how hot I am…how much he loves to fuck me.

_Mmm, I love it too._

My back is on fire as the wall scratches it raw from the pounding he's giving me. But then he's pulling me away from the wall and I gasp as I'm being thrown down on the bed to my back.

He grabs my ankles and pulls me to the edge, lining his cock up at my ass again while he stands. I kind of love being thrown around.

Pushing into me, he lets go of my ankles and grabs the insides of my thighs, keeping my legs spread far apart as he fucks me hard. The mattress is squeaking and the head board is pounding against the wall, only adding to my cries and his growls.

I've never been fucked so hard and sweet baby Buddha it's never felt so fucking good.

My fingers tangle in the messy sheets as I throw my head back in ecstasy. He's found my sweet spot and he knows it as he chuckles breathlessly, "Right there, huh?"

I can't speak, I can barely nod as he hits it, over and over, harder and harder…my dick is painfully hard but I can't even manage to get my brain to work well enough to jerk myself off…hell, I can't even get my fingers to let go of the sheet beneath me.

And then the stars beneath my eyelids burst into a brilliant white fire as I just break apart. I'm cumming hands free, all over myself and pretty much all over everything else as he continues to fuck me through it.

My breathing is erratic and I'm trembling from the force of the orgasm but suddenly, I'm being flipped over. Landing on my stomach with a gasp, he grabs my hips and pulls me up on all fours, then sinks inside me again.

I don't know how much more I can take, the still constant pressure on my prostate driving me insane as my dick tingles deliciously with each hard thrust.

_It's so good…too good…_

We're both sweaty, sticky messes and even though my body is aching, it's a good ache and _fuck _I don't want it to end.

Thankfully, he doesn't feel like he's close to ending yet as he yanks me up on my knees, my back against his chest. His arm wrapped around my waist as his other hand grabs my still semi-hard cock. It's much too sensitive and I wiggle and groan as he strokes it, bouncing myself on his big, hard dick.

His scruff is tickling my cheeks and the sensation only adds to the overwhelming state I'm currently in.

"That's it, princess…bounce on daddy's big dick…"

_Mother fucker…who would've thought daddy kink was so mother fucking hot…_

I'm shaking my head back and forth, cursing incoherently as I bounce till my knees feel like they're going to give in. His body is strong and sweaty behind me, his stomach muscles and the light hair on his chest tickling my back as he holds me tight against him.

He's pushing up into me as the bed shakes and rattles beneath our knees. And then he's the one gasping in my ear as I feel his huge cock swell impossibly bigger inside me, "Fuck, fuck, fuck…"

It's all too much and I find myself screaming out 'fuck' over and over again as my dick spills over his tight fist.

We both fall to the bed with an 'Oof,' sweaty and breathless but chuckling.

I have never in my life gotten off twice like that. It was something I never even dreamed possible. My body was weightless and heavy all at the same time. I was hot but shivering.

My ass was a little sore, hell my whole body was but the exhaustion was worth it…a reminder I was sure would stay with me for some time even after I was gone.

Eventually, our breathing evened out and he was smiling as he gave me a sweet little kiss before getting off the bed to throw the condom away.

I shivered again when he wiped me clean then curled up behind me, pulling my back close to his chest as he whispered, "Is your ass okay?"

And I just couldn't stop the undignified snort as I turned my face to look at his, "Yeah, babe, it's kind of numb but I've never felt better."

His whole body cocooned mine as he sighed against my neck, "Sorry, didn't mean to get so rough with you…just…takin' out my frustrations on your ass, I guess…"

Smiling, I pushed it back against his soft cock, "Mmm, anytime. Are you okay now?"

He let out a long breath and whispered, "Yeah, I guess…"

Turning in his arms, I tucked his hair behind his ear and smiled, "Hey, no being sad today. Let's go take a shower and then I'll make us some French toast and give you a crash course on all of your cool new stuff!"

That brought out those beautiful dimples as he grinned, "Will you show me what a fuckin' Skype is?"

I giggled and pulled his hand, making him get up off the bed with me.

After a quick shower and a little more fooling around, we were finally sitting on the floor fully dressed and eating breakfast as I showed him how to work his Xbox.

He sighed as his big fingers fumbled with the controller, "This shit's fuckin confusin…"

Patting his knee, I just smiled, "You'll get the hang of it. It's a lot of fun. We have little gaming sessions online all the time so we can all play together and talk and stuff. Even if you don't play, it's another way to just connect with all of us."

The Xbox made him a little nervous so we moved on to his iPhone. I set up his contacts and showed him how to download apps. I explained FaceTime and showed him how to text.

He seemed kind of nervous about the iPhone too.

But then when I showed him YouTube he was all kinds of excited. For about an hour, he just showed me different songs he used to listen to when he was younger and I showed him some of my favorite music.

Lady Gaga freaked him out a little but he adored Adele. He thought she had a really pretty voice and I was glad we could at least agree on that.

I actually liked most of the old rock he played but not too fond of the rap and the country just depressed me.

Eventually we moved on to the computer and luckily he had a little experience with that in prison but had never used a laptop before.

But once he learned what Skype was, he was excited again.

So was I.

The morning passed far too quickly and I groaned when I received a text from Eddie saying they'd be here in ten minutes.

I was sitting between his legs on the couch and after I put the laptop on the coffee table, I turned in his arms. Lying my body along his, I tried to burn this feeling into my memory of his big strong body underneath mine, curled up all around me and keeping me so safe and so warm.

Studying his sad face, I tugged his bottom lip and smiled, "Don't be sad, daddy."

That made him chuckle as he grabbed my ass, pulling me closer as he whispered, "This fuckin' sucks, Brady."

Closing my eyes, I rested my forehead against his and sighed, "Yeah I know it does, Brandon but it's not forever. I'll be back soon and you'll be so busy that you probably won't even notice I'm gone…"

Then he whispered, "What if I fuck this all up? What if I let all of ya'll down? Before, I didn't really worry that much cuz if I fucked up, it only affected me but now I got everyone dependin' on me to do good and shit and that's a lot of fuckin' pressure and…"

I pulled away and put my finger to his lips, "Shh, baby, now listen to me…"

His big, baby blue eyes opened and I could see the anxiety in them so I smiled to try and comfort him, "Nobody expects you to be perfect. We expect that you're going to have hard times but the important thing is that you're not alone now. You've got all of us to reach out to when things start to get overwhelming. This is a whole new life for you, Brandon. No one knows you here, you can leave that whole stupid "Whitlock boy" stigma behind and finally just be you."

Tucking his dirty, blonde hair behind his ear so I could see that beautiful blush, he smiled as I whispered, "And I happen to think that you're perfect just the way you are. Once _you _realize how incredible you are, there will be no stopping you. I'm just thankful that I get to come along for the ride."

He didn't say anything but the grin on his face and the tint of his cheeks was enough as he leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine with a content sigh.

We just ended up kissing until there was a knock at the door. Reluctantly, we untangled our bodies and got up from the couch.

Everyone just blew right in like a little "Cullen" tornado. When we were all together, we were happy and loud and laughing.

And I could force myself to smile and maybe even laugh but on the inside my heart was breaking.

It all just happened way too fast.

Like a free fall.

This was just the moment I finally hit solid ground and shattered.

"Here, Cuz, we all got ya a few games…"

Jeremiah shoved some video games at Brandon and he chuckled as he read them, "Grand Theft Auto and Fight Night…nice, thanks…"

Jeremiah smiled, "You can be a virtual thug…join my gang…don't be all stuck up like Eddie…"

Edward rolled his eyes, "I'm not being stuck up. I barely even play that game. Besides your gang is named after the dirty south and I'm from Chicago…"

Nudging Eddie in the ribs, Jeremiah grinned, "Brady's in it and he ain't from the Dirty, Dirty…"

Now I laughed as I shook my head, "Your gang is called the Dirty, Dirty because you're from the south? I totally missed that one, sorry."

Eddie and Jay chuckled as Jeremiah smirked, "You're such a little perv…"

"Daddy, what's a perv?"

_Damn it! Little ears!_

Jeremiah didn't miss a beat as he reached down and scooped him up, "You didn't let daddy finish…I was sayin' Uncle Brady is like a little Peruvian rug…ya know, all fancy and colorful…"

I was impressed he knew what a Peruvian rug was.

JJ giggled as he reached out for me, "You are fancy, Uncle Beady…"

Holding him to my side, I just smiled sweetly as I reached around and pinched the shit out of Jeremiah's side.

He yelped as I spoke, "Thank you, JJ."

Brandon came over and tousled my hair, "He is fancy, huh?"

Now JJ reached for him, as Brandon hoisted him up in his big arms. JJ giggled as his little arms thrust up, "Look, I can reach da ceilin…"

Em J had to go next, of course.

Carlisle piped in now, "Ugh, Grand Theft Auto? What is it about that life that's appealing to you boys? You're from _Texas_, not some ghetto in South Africa, now that's hood…"

I chuckled because it was kind of adorable when Carlisle said 'hood'.

Apparently the others thought it was cute too because they all broke out in giggles as Jay grinned from ear to ear, "The dirty, dirty south can get pretty hood too, Carlisle but that's what's cool about these games cuz you can just let your ghetto loose…blow stuff up, go on a rampage, just vent…haven't you ever just wanted to go crazy? Just for a little while?"

But big daddy C just raised an eyebrow as he slipped his arm around Esme, "I've found much more constructive ways to vent, boys."

Edward groaned and the rest of us chuckled as he leaned down to nip her neck, while she smacked his arm and told him to behave in front of the children.

We were all perverts…it was nice to not feel like a weirdo. That's what was so great about this family…we're _all _weird, so together we feel normal.

It was nice…like a real family.

Looking over at Brandon's smiling face, I could still see the sadness deep in those tired blue eyes. The grin didn't reach his dimples and it fell completely when his eyes found mine before falling to the floor beneath his feet.

But we were going to leave a member of our family behind.

Suzie's arm around my shoulder caused me to break from my thoughts as she sighed, "You doin' okay, sugar?"

Burying my nose against her shoulder, I sighed, "This sucks."

Leaning her head against mine, her arms squeezed me tight as she whispered, "I know it does. But just think of all the kinky online sex you can you have…you can probably get him so worked up he'd do just about anythin'…"

That made smile as I nodded, "Yeah you've got a point. I wonder if Rosalie still has her old cheerleading uniform?"

She giggled, "You're such a little slut….I love you…and I totally think she does…"

"Dad, what are you doing?"

Eddie's voice made us look over at Carlisle who was writing something in marker on the painted wall.

"I'm writing down my home number, my work number, my cell number, and an emergency number at the hospital…"

Then he glared over at Jay, "That way if something happens to his phone, he won't have an excuse not to call me…"

Jay held his hands up, "Aww, c'mon, daddy C, that was over three years ago…"

Carlisle just turned to Brandon, "Now the only way you will lose my number is if this place burns to the ground…speaking of, do you have smoke detectors and a fire extinguisher?"

He began wandering around the apartment checking for safety features as Brandon just chuckled.

Brandon's arm was around me again, keeping me close as the clock ticked away. Much too soon, Carlisle sighed, "We really must be going to make it to the airport."

Everyone said their good-byes and Brandon pulled his cousins into a little huddle. For a moment they spoke quietly before breaking off into hugs and Suzie into soft tears.

When they were all done, I bit my lip and mumbled, "Um…can I have a minute alone with him please?"

They quietly shuffled out leaving just me and Brandon standing there.

The tension was so thick that it suffocated me as I rasped out, "Kiss me goodbye…"

And then my feet were off the ground as I was being pressed into the door. My ankles locked tight behind his back as he kissed me with a ferocity that took my breath away and made my skin rise and prickle from the intensity.

He was kissing me like it was the last time he'd ever get the chance.

His whole body pressed into mine as I moaned into his mouth, yanking hard at his hair and shoulders while his fingers held my ass so tight I was sure they'd be covered in bruises.

The kiss was almost painful as we gripped and gasped and moaned…we nipped and bit and pulled…until we were sweaty and panting once we finally broke free.

Then as our chests rose and fell in breathless exasperations, we just looked at each other. His baby blue eyes were soft as he leaned in and kissed my nose, whispering, "I'm really gonna miss you, Princess…"

Letting me down to my feet, I held tight to his big shoulders as I whispered, "I'm gonna miss you too, daddy…"

My eyes were stinging from fighting back the tears so I knew I had to get this over with before the damn burst.

Hopping to my tippy toes, I kissed his lips one last time and closed my eyes, "I'll call you as soon as I land. Bye Brandon."

His eyes were shut tight as he whispered, "Bye Brady."

Without looking, I threw my bag on my shoulder and quickly rushed out the door. My chest aching as I closed it behind me. I walked carefully down the stairs, not wanting to fall on my ass because of my emotional state.

But by the time I slid in the back of the SUV, I was a shaking, sobbing mess. Suzie wrapped her arms around me as I buried my face in her shoulder.

She ran her fingers through my hair whispering that everything was going to be okay.

I didn't know if I believed her.

Especially when I looked out through the back window and was gazing into the big living room window of his apartment. He was hitting the closed door, his forehead pressed against it as his hands balled up in fists before he turned around with his head in his hands and slid down to the floor out of my sight as we pulled away.

My chest gaped with the ache of his agony…I wanted to stop it…to fill that hole and chase away the blinding pain with soft sweet kisses…

But I couldn't do any of those things.

I felt like a horrible boyfriend as Suzie consoled me while the love of my life sat broken and utterly alone…just like every other time his heart had been broken.

::

**Brandon's POV**

The moment the door shut, I lost all the air in my lungs. Keeping my eyes shut tight as my hands balled in fists, twitching while I mumbled, "Deep breaths, man…c'mon deep breaths…"

My chest fuckin' hurt as I tried to breathe in, all my muscles tightening regardless of my efforts to keep myself calmed down.

It was too fuckin' quiet.

All them years of bein' locked up got me used to it bein' noisy. Sometimes I craved the quiet…but right now it was killin' me.

I didn't realize how much I had missed my cousins. They was the only real family I ever had. Jeremiah and Suzie felt more like my brother and sister than cousins anyway. And Jay had grown up into a real decent guy, a bit of a hot head but that shit runs in the family.

I actually _liked _bein' around them. All of them, actually. It was…comfortable, which is somethin' ain't never come easy to me.

And Brady…fuckin' Brady had ruined me for life.

His sweet little voice and his snarky little attitude just did me in…and that mother fuckin' ass…ain't never seen an ass as round and tan and perfect…like two little caramel marshmallows…

But I was gonna open my eyes and all I was gonna see was that stupid door and it was gonna piss me off…I just fuckin' knew it…

So I kept my eyes closed as my hands twitched again, my muscles strainin' as I whispered, "Deep breaths, man…c'mon, calm your ass down…"

My body was rigid as I fought to keep myself from lashin' out but the moment my eyes laid wood on the old wooden door, fire just coursed through my body, rsisin' from the tip of my toes and up through my arms as I growled and hit the fuckin' door.

But all that made me do was wanna hit it again.

So I did, two or three more times till my knuckles were bloody and the door was splintered in a couple places.

_Great, now I gotta fix the fuckin' door…I'm such a fuckin' moron…_

Turnin' around, I pressed my back against the door, all the anger I felt just a minute ago, drainin' my body quickly as I rested my tired head in my hands and slid down to the floor.

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I kept my eyes closed, not wantin' to see how completely alone I was.

But I was alone…just like always.

Why couldn't I have just one good thing in my life? Just one good thing that could stay and not go away and not leave me alone again? Angel left. Brady left. Jeremiah left. Suzie left. My mom left. My dad left. Everybody was always goin' away and leavin' me.

And I was always just left behind by myself.

Texas had become like my own little personal Hell.

I'm always fuckin' bound here, whether the chains are visible or not, they're always on, the weight always holdin' me down.

All I want is to get in my fuckin' truck and drive to fuckin' Seattle and live my mother fuckin' life with my god damn mother fuckin' boyfriend…

_But, no, I can't fuckin' have that cuz I'm a god damn mother fuckin' screwed up son of a bitch that's fuckin' owned by the god damn state of Texas for four more fuckin' years…_

My whole body is shakin' as I rock back and forth, mumblin' to try and chase away my thoughts, "Fuckin' calm down, Brandon…c'mon, man, breathe…"

I don't know how long I sat there but once my body was too sore to be so angry, I slowly pulled myself off the floor, opening my eyes for the first time since he left.

Everything looked exactly the same but it didn't _feel _the same.

It was colder and I shivered as I walked along the icy floor to the kitchen. I needed a distraction so I was gonna do the dishes I told him to leave earlier after breakfast. I didn't wanna waste the little time we had together doin' dumb shit like cleanin'.

Turnin' on the water, I watch the sink fill with bubbles and focus on the sound of the water, thinkin' back to that bubble bath we took at the hotel together.

My eyes close as I grip a coffee cup for some kind of leverage while I remember how warm I felt…how soft his skin was and how soothin' his sweet little voice sounded as he hummed against my chest.

I wanted that back…_fuck_, what was the mother fuckin' point of givin' him to me to just take him away again?

Why couldn't I, just for once in my whole fuckin' miserable life, just _once_, why can't I just fuckin' get what I want? Just once!

It isn't that fuckin' much to ask for! I've done my mother fuckin' time! Ten-fuckin'-fold!

God, why did I fuck up so bad? Why did I steal those stupid, mother fuckin, worthless cars? Why did I hang out with all them dumb, no-good, criminals instead of just tryin' harder to get a fuckin' job and do right?

Why didn't nobody fuckin' tell me how bad that shit was gonna fuck up my life and how hard it was gonna be to fix it?

Angel told me. I just didn't listen.

_Angel, you fuckin' bastard…why didn't you just fuckin' wait for me…shit coulda been different…I mighta listened the next time…things might not be so fucked up right now… _

And then I just exploded, launchin' the coffee cup across the room, watchin' it shatter into a million pieces against the wall.

_Good! Fuck that god damn coffee cup!_

Then all the fight drained outta me again as I groaned.

_God, I'm a fuckin' idiot…_

Flippin' off the water, I clutch the edge of the sink as I try to just get a fuckin' grip.

_Now ya gotta clean that shit up too, fuckin' asshole…_

With a deep sigh, I push myself off the sink and drag my feet across the cold linoleum but instead of goin' to clean that shit up, I end up over by the couch.

Without a second thought, I flop myself down and sigh. I turn on the TV just to have a little noise in the place but I don't pay no attention to what's on.

_I gotta quit thinkin' bout Angel…it's not right…Brady is my boyfriend and Angel's gone…but Brady's gone too…_

_But maybe Brady will come back…then again, maybe he won't…maybe he'll meet some smart mother fucker in one of his classes and he'll forget all about my dumb ass… _

_Fuck, how can I miss someone so much I've only known for a fuckin' week?_

In less than a week, my whole fuckin' life had changed. Now it was unrecognizable and my stomach burned as I thought about how different everythin' was.

I hated change. Even if it was for the good, it was still different and that shit fuckin' scared me.

I was used to everything being the same. I had a routine and it wasn't much but it kept me fuckin' sane. Now I don't know what the fuck I'm s'posed to do with myself.

So I close my eyes and do what I always done…just wait.

Wait for life to get better…or for it to get worse.

Wait for the anxiety to pass…and for my stomach to stop twistin' up in knots.

Wait and see if the mother fuckin' phone ever rings...

.

.

.

But then it _does _ring.

Snatching it off the coffee table, I'm instantly grinnin' as I see his smilin' face lookin' at me before I slide the phone open, "Hey Princess…"

"Hey Daddy…we just got off the plane. What have you been doing?"

His voice just warmed my body as I chuckled, "Not a fuckin' thing…"

I even grinned when he scolded me.

"Brandon, have you been lying aimlessly on the couch again? Get your pale ass up and do the dishes before they get nasty. Then eat something."

Pullin' myself up off the couch, I smiled, "Pale? Not all of us can have perfect little cocoa asses like you…"

He chuckled and I could just see his smirk, "It is perfect, isn't it? Though it's still a little sore from this morning. I jumped out of my seat on the airplane, like, three times during the landing. The stewardess kept giving me dirty looks and Eddie and Jay wouldn't stop snickering behind me, asking why I couldn't just sit down on my butt like everybody else…"

That made me laugh as I slipped on my house shoes, somethin' I got used to wearin' in prison, and grabbed a broom.

"Aww, are you okay, Princess?"

He huffed dramatically and it only made me grin more, "Ugh, yes, I'm fine though, my pride isn't the only thing that's bruised. Well, baby, I have to go. We're grabbing our bags now. I'm gonna ride home with Alice. She has a little yellow Porsche that she drives really fast and I'm usually holding onto the handle by the door so I won't be able to talk until we get home."

I chuckled as he laughed, "Ow!"

I'm assuming Alice pinched him.

So I smile, "Put that girl on the phone…"

"Okay…Alice, here…"

A second later, I hear her laughing voice, "Hi Brandon. He's totally exaggerating. I'm just an aggressive driver. And he's just a scaredy cat that won't even attempt to learn how to drive. Lord knows I've tried to teach him but he won't even get behind the wheel…"

I'm still smilin' as I talk to the bouncy little woman, "Hi Ali. Keep my boy safe, ya hear?"

"Oh I will! I promise, his ass is safe with me…"

Now I laugh as I just shake my head, "You doin' okay?"

I hadn't talked to her much this mornin' but she seemed to be alright, minus the black eyes and busted lip that shouldn't be there.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Candace actually stopped by the hotel this morning. She looked even worse than me, if you can believe it. It really upset JJ to see her all black and blue too. We didn't tell him that we were fighting with each other but God, I've never felt so damn guilty in all of my life. I don't ever want to look in that baby's eyes and feel that horrible again. So anyway, all three of us sat down and talked with Carlisle as the mediator. In the end, Candace decided to just take it slow. She wants to be able to call him and maybe come visit sometimes. And if she can get herself together enough and actually become a part of his life, then Jeremiah said he'd discuss more visitation."

I was glad that they done the right thing and acted like adults. It was a good thing for all of us to see and the best thing for that baby.

"That's real good, Ali…"

"Well, I'll put Brady back on, we're at the car now. Talk to you later, Brandon."

A second later, Brady was on the phone again, "Hey baby. I'll call you as soon as I get home okay?"

Sighing, I leaned against the kitchen counter, "Okay. Be safe."

"Hey here's what I want you to do…turn on some music, do the dishes, eat something, and maybe play a game or watch porn on the internet…just no lying on the couch, okay? Promise?"

I chuckled as I nodded, "Okay, I promise. I won't mope."

"That's right, no Mopey Moperson…I'll talk to you soon, Brandon."

"Okay, Brady. Bye."

"Bye."

Settin' the phone on the counter, I take a deep breath and focus.

I turn on the radio to classic rock and clean up the broken coffee mug. Then I wash the few dishes in the sink before makin' myself a sandwich.

And this time, the waitin' don't seem to bad.

Cuz I know that the phone's gonna ring again.


	20. Chapter 20

**I ran through the last half of this chap so you guys wouldn't have to wait any longer so hopefully the grammar isn't too awful bad. Also, I posted a TTAF one shot called The Dream About Prison. It's a crazy Brady dream and I'm sure you can guess who he meets in prison.**

**Hope you enjoy the new chapter!**

**Song: Shame on the Moon by Bob Segar**

**Brandon's POV**

"So are you nervous about tomorrow? Your first day at your new job?"

Watching him walk across his room to put his dirty laundry into a hamper, I shrug and lean back against the couch, "I dunno…little I guess."

I threw my feet up on the coffee table, situating the lap top on my legs. It was weird and awkward but worth it to see Brady, even if it was on a little screen.

But it was cool seein' into his life a little as I studied his room.

It wasn't at all what I expected. I was expectin' bright walls and fancy pictures but it was surprisingly kinda bare. The walls were a creamy color, tan carpeted floor, with a big, dark wooden dresser, the large mirror covered in photographs.

I wish I could see what they were of…

The sound of snapping fingers brought my attention back to the sweet grin as he laughed, "Do you want a tour of my room? You keep looking over my shoulder…"

Noddin' my head, I smile, "I'm tryin' to see your pictures on the mirror…wanna see if there's any good lookin' guys I gotta worry 'bout…"

Rolling those beautiful big brown eyes, he chuckled, "Well, they're beautiful guys but since they share the same blood line as you, it would be icky, even by my questionable standards…"

The laptop was focused in on his mirror now, covered with photos of him and his friends.

Then I heard him giggle in the background, "Well, Edward and Emmett don't share your bloodline so…"

Smirkin', even if he couldn't see me, I studied the pictures of him through out his teenage years and sighed, "You're a little asshole…"

That brought a full out laugh from the boy as he turned the screen to face him as he smiled, big and beautiful, causing those pretty brown eyes to half lid as he sighed, "Don't act like you don't like my little asshole, Brandon, it still hurts to sit on hard surfaces."

I dropped the smirk and sighed, "Sorry, babe…didn't mean to hurt your ass…"

With a playful wink, he smiled, "But it hurt so good..."

Turning the screen back to his pictures, he started goin' on about them as he showed me. It was amazing getting a glimpse into his past like this. I recognized most everybody but there were a few I asked about.

"Who's that?"

An old man in denim overalls was sittin on an old wooden bench in a garden with a little old lady in pearls and a flowery dress. He had his arm around her as she looked up at him and he looked down at her, both with matching grins and a twinkle in their eye.

It was a beautiful picture.

"Oh, that's Peter and Charlotte. Remember, Suzie and Jay lived with them but after Charlotte passed. Poor Peter…I really need to go see him soon."

I did remember him talkin' bout the little old ornery man who was like a grandpa to him. I hoped I got to meet him some day.

He passed a couple more…him and Suzie at a school dance together…of him smushed in the middle of Jay and Emmett in their football uniforms after a game cuz they was all dirty and sweaty and looked like they was rubbin it on Brady who was makin' an awful face…him and Eddie playin' some video game and flippin' off the camera…

But then he zoomed past one and I spoke up, "Hey wait, no fair…"

I heard him groan in the background as the screen focused in on a little boy, maybe 3 or 4, with dark skin and thick black waves wearing nothin' but a pair of little red underwear that said 'More than meets the eye…' across the bottom and I chuckled, "Are those Transformers underwear?"

"Yes, apparently my affinity to special undies began at an early age…"

He was the cutest fuckin' thing I had seen in my whole entire life.

"I want that picture…"

"Moving on…"

The screen whipped around to the rest of his room. There were some books and drawings scattered around and I smiled, "Let me see your drawins…please, you seen mine…"

Sighing dramatically, he walked across the room, "They're not as good as yours…"

Rolling my eyes, they soon focus in on the painted poster on the wall that looked like a snapshot from a comic book. The various boxes filled with a huge, menacing Indian covered in scars and muscles and veins. He was scantily clad in dirty, torn shorts and the feather stuck into the band around his head was weighed down with dark blood dripping from the edges. In his big, scarred hand, he held a huge, jagged knife against his thigh as he looked down over the bright city skyline far off in the distance, behind him a poverty stricken place that looked an awful lot like the ghetto.

I was in awe. It looked like some poster for a Tarantino movie.

"Brady, that's just…wow. My baby's got mad skills..."

Turning the screen back to his face, he smiled as he shrugged, "This is one of the pieces that actually got me my scholarship. We had to create something that represents our culture. I call him Chief Retribution. The faculty thought it was, I don't know, edgy or something."

"What's 'at word mean?"

"Um, like, punishment. He's leaving behind his poor home and family on the reservation and heading to the city to seek vengeance on the white man for stealing his land…uh, no offense…"

I'm grinning like a fool cuz Brady is all kinds of awesome.

"It's cool, we suck sometimes…"

Now he's giggling as he rolls his eyes, "Everybody sucks sometimes…I have to set this down for a minute, okay? But I can still hear you…"

Everything shuffles for a minute but then settles as I see him walking away. I watch his ass and drawl out, "I hate to see ya go, but I love to watch ya leave…"

He was gigglin' as he sashayed that fine ass across the room and disappeared into his closet.

"What'cha doin' in there, babe?"

"Picking out my clothes for tomorrow."

I flip through the channels on TV and finally stop on Cops: Houston. I like to watch the ones in Texas to see if anybody I know is on it.

After a few minutes, he finally comes out and hangs up some clothes on a hook by his closet door.

Then he picks up the laptop and settles on his bed as he smiles, "So, look at you! You're skyping!"

I chuckle and feel my cheeks turn red. His fingers are brushin' along the screen again as he sighs, "Mmm, I miss you, Brandon…"

And it makes my chest ache a little more as I run my big fingers along the screen, wishin' that I could feel his soft, silky hair…smell the cocoa butter on his warm skin…

Letting out a breath, I whisper, "I miss you too…"

He don't let me dwell too long though cuz then he's givin' me an evil little grin as he stretches in his bed and rolls over on all fours. Crawling over to his night stand, that perfect ass is right there as that little mother fucker arches his back and wiggles his hips while he reaches for something.

My dick is already gettin' hard and I run my hand down underneath my basketball shorts to pull him through the hole in my boxers…the fucker needs some breathin' room…

Then I hear a giggle as Bob Seger starts playin' in the background.

Pullin' my hand outta my boxers just in time, he looks over his shoulder and smiles, "I bought his greatest hits on iTunes…makes me think of you."

Then he rolls back to his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he grins with lidded eyes and plucks at his bedspread, "So…if we were together right now, this would be that moment, wouldn't it…that moment when I leap into your big strong arms and you push me up against the wall…"

He's lookin' right at me with those pretty cocoa eyes and that devilish little smirk…

And my dick throbs so hard that I grab it and groan, my eyes closing as I bite my lip at the memories of him wrapped tight around me as I fucked him up against the wall…and on the bed…and in the kitchen…

But my thoughts are interrupted with a soft little moan and my eyes open to his perfect little flushed face as he rasps, "_Fuck_, let me see your dick, Brandon…put your laptop on the coffee table and take your clothes off…"

I don't know why, but I fuckin' loved it when he was all forward and bossy and shit…my boy may be little, but he's a fuckin' force to be reckoned with…

I got no problem doin' exactly what he says cuz the little mother fucker always twists my missile and I got no doubt that he's gonna do it again…

So I position the laptop on the coffee table and yank my shit the rest the way down, kickin' 'em off and tearin' off my shirt 'fore I sit back down. Wrappin' my hand around my dick, I pull the skin tight and pretend that it's him…only it don't feel like him…it ain't soft and smooth and unbelievably warm…

That kinda pissed me off and if I couldn't touch him, at least I could see him…but before I could even say anything, he was sitting up on his knees, looking down into the camera with a blushing grin as he pulled his shirt off. That shiny black hair and pretty caramel skin caused a heat wave to rush through me but then he started wiggling his slender hips as he slowly pulled his pants down over them and my toes were curling.

His dick sprung out, already hard and leakin' at the tip as he took it in his hand with a sexy flushed grin, "Mmm…I miss your dick, daddy…miss it inside of me, stretching me and making me so full…miss it in my mouth, so thick and swollen as I drink down all your yummy cum…"

Mother fucker.

My dick is so god damn hard, it's achin' and I'm groanin' as I rip my hand away, spit in my palm and grip it tight again…I ain't got time for lube…the boy is makin' me fuckin' shake without even touchin' me…he's like…the fuckin' Yoda of sex…little and confusin' but totally surpisin' and bad than a mother fucker…

I'm groanin' as I jerk myself off, "Jesus, Brady…"

He giggles like the little asshole he is, knowin' that he's makin' me crazy and lovin' that shit…

"Mmm…if I was there right now, I'd crawl right up in your lap and sit on your cock…I'd slide down slowly, taking that huge dick inch by inch till my plump ass touched your strong thighs…ya feel me, baby?"

I answer him with a breathless chuckle as I slow my stroke down, "I bet ya still feel me…"

Laying on his back, he groans, spreading his legs so I can see his ass as he strokes his dick, "Mmm, I _do _still feel you…my ass is so deliciously sore, I bet I feel you for weeks…"

Biting my lip, I melt into the couch a little as I watch him slide a finger inside himself. His back arches, pushin' his dick into his hand as he fingers his ass, and he's practically fuckin' purring…

Grippin' my dick a little harder, I rasp out in amazement as I watch him, "Fuckin' Christ, this is better than porn…"

With a breathless laugh, his pretty cocoa eyes open to look at me as he whispers, "Am I doing okay?"

His face is flushed, tan cheeks blushin' red as he uses his, uh…_free _hand to brush away the dark, damp hair off his little forehead.

And he looks so fuckin' sexy with his fingers in his ass but so mother fuckin' sweet with that shy little look on his cute as fuck face…my dick's throbbin' as I just fuckin' grunt, "Fuck yeah, Brady…drivin' me crazy…"

He rasps, "Really?"

"Yeah…"

I take a second to spit in my hand again cuz my dick is startin' to get raw but then I groan as I grip it tight again, "Fuck…wish you was bouncin' up and down on this mother fucker right now…"

With a dazed little smile, he grunts, "Ugh…I know…wanna feel your strong thighs shoving your big cock inside my ass…God, Brandon you fuck me so good, baby…"

For the next few minutes, we're just talkin' dirty as fuck to each other and tryin' to pretend it's as good as it was when we were together…and it is good…really, really good but still it ain't the same.

But then he's whimpering my name as his white cum spills out over his hand and drips onto his dark stomach. He looks so fuckin' sexy, all flushed and red and covered in his cum that it's got me cummin' in no time.

Then we're just layin' there, lookin' at each other when we both bust out laughin'. He looks a downright mess and I'm sure I look even worse.

He blushes as he pulls his fingers outta his ass and giggles, "Um, this is the really awkward part about this whole Cyber sex thing…I'll be right back."

I watch as he grabs a box of baby wipes outta his nightstand drawer and wipes off his stomach a little before jumpin' off the bed. A minute later, I heard his door shut so I figured he was goin' to the bathroom to clean up.

Grabbin' my t-shirt from the floor, I wipe myself off and yank up my boxers and basketball shorts. I grab my squares and the laptop and go outside. Sittin' on the little stoop, I set the laptop on my lap and fire up my cigarette.

It feels real good outside tonight and the stars are shinin'. I can't see 'em as good here as I could in Mission but I can still see them.

Waitin' for Brady to come back, I look at the screen and without him lyin' there, I can see into his closet from here. It's filled with boxes that say 'Brady's Room' but I can see they're all still full of stuff.

I thought his room looked a little bare but I had figured he just didn't have much. I wondered why he never unpacked. I wanted to ask him but I didn't want him gettin' mad at me. Angel would sometimes get mad when I asked about private things. But Brady wasn't Angel. He was open about everything and didn't get mad at me for wantin' to know more about him.

So when he came back a few minutes later, and settled down on the bed in a pair of sweats and a tee, I asked him.

"So can I ask ya somethin' without ya gettin' mad?"

Sitting cross legged in his bed, he gives me a small worried small, "Um, yeah, of course…"

"How come you ain't got much in your room? I mean, like, I seen your boxes and shit still unpacked and I'm wonderin' cuz it just don't…it don't seem like something you'd do. But ya know, if ya don't wanna talk about it, we ain't got to."

With a small smile, he rolls his eyes, "I'll tell you anything you wanna know about me, Brandon. I don't know it's just…I can't afford this place by myself and it just doesn't…um, it feels temporary."

I furrowed my brows as I looked at his small form curled on the bed, "But you live with Alice. You know she wouldn't kick you out or run off on ya…"

Biting his little lip, he looked a shy smile as he nodded and mumbled, "I know…it's just…it's nothing, really, I'm just being a silly little drama queen…"

That pissed me off cuz it made me worry. Angel always talked about people not listenin' to him cuz he was some silly little queen. I woulda listened, but he wouldn't talk to me.

"Cut the bullshit and talk to me, Brady."

The smile fell as he let out a long sigh, "It's silly because I _know _that Alice wouldn't just kick me out and even if she did, I'd have the Cullen's…I _know _that but…what if I didn't? What if I woke up tomorrow to a zombie apocalypse or World War 3 and everyone was just gone?"

Thankful that's talkin' to me, I look at his sweet little face and smile, "Hey, I could leave the state, I'd come get ya…"

That got me a little chuckle as he smiled softly, "I bet you'd thrive in those worlds…like a gladiator…"

"Fuck yeah, I could run around all day shootin' zombies or knockin' people the fuck out and I'd be considered a productive member of society…"

I got another small smile before he sighed, "The thing is, everyone can take care of themselves but me. I'm the only one that's completely dependent on everyone else, I mean, Alice is practically my sugar mama…my job wouldn't even feed me, let alone give me a roof over my head. I just don't like this feeling of helplessness…I just wanna…you know, feel like a man…"

For a second, I panicked with thoughts of how fuckin' young he was and what the fuck was someone so god damn young doin' with me…

But then I took a breath as I looked at him…and I realized that I actually got what he was sayin'…it didn't have nothin' to do with age.

I had to take a minute to try and get my thoughts together but eventually I nodded and sighed, "When I got outta prison, all I had was the clothes on my back, 67 dollars issued to me by the state of Texas, and a bus ticket to right outside of Mission. On the bus ride, all I could think about was how I wanted to go back to prison cuz I was comfortable there. Didn't have to worry 'bout food or bills or takin' care of myself…I mean, I _couldn't _take care of myself the first time I was on my own, that's how I wound up in prison to begin with…but I was lucky this time cuz good ol' Uncle Wayne took me in, right? But…"

This wasn't easy for me to talk about and after a moment of bein' quiet, Brady spoke, "But you didn't feel like a man there…"

Shaking my head, I took a drag off my square and sighed, "I had nothin. And I know my place was a shit hole, but it was mine and I worked fuckin' hard for it. The thing is, baby, even if you had to make it on your own, with no help from anybody else, I know you'd be okay. You'd struggle, probably live off Ramen noodles and shit for awhile but you'd make it. I _know _that. Brady."

"How do you know?"

"I know that cuz you're a fuckin' force to be reckoned with. I mean, you swooped in here and in a week my whole life was changed for the better. In one fuckin week, you helped me get a job, a new place, got me in therapy, ya gave me a whole new fuckin' chance at life…"

"That wasn't really me, that was Carlisle…"

"No, Brady, that was all you. Ain't a chance in fuckin' Hell I woulda went along so easily without you standin' right beside, pullin' me…you just got this fire in ya…when you put your mind to something, there ain't no stoppin' you. You're fuckin' fierce, babe…I really love that about ya…"

He broke out into the biggest grin, "You do?"

Noddin' my head, I smile, "Yeah, I do. Don't matter where you go or what you do, you're gonna knock it outta the park, Brady. You're kinda amazin' like that."

I liked makin' him look that happy. I ain't ever made no one look that happy before.

We talked for a little while longer until he finally sighed, "I should let you go to bed, Brandon. It's almost ten here, which means it's almost midnight there. You need to get some rest before your big day, babe."

On cue, I yawn. I had already come back in the house and settled down in bed. Layin' my head on my pillow, I brush my fingers across the screen again and sigh, "Okay, I guess you're right."

"Call me when you wake up…"

"It'll be like four in the mornin' in Seattle, Brady."

"Oh yeah, um…I guess I'll just text you when I wake up?"

"Yeah, that works. Sleep tight, babe."

"Good night, Brandon. Sweet dreams."

He blew me a kiss and gave me a sweet smile before he was gone. Closing the laptop, I set it aside and laid back down.

I really was nervous about tomorrow. I hated meetin' new people and doin' new things.

Eventually, I fell asleep but my dreams were just memories and very bittersweet.

::

_He was the only fuckin' reason I even came to fuckin' school today and he ain't even here. _

_My knee was bouncin' underneath my desk as I looked out the window and wondered where the fuck he was. I mean, the little fucker kissed me last night and ran off before we could even talk about it._

"_Mr. Whitlock, this is the third time I've asked you…"_

_Liftin' my head from my arms, I furrow my brows cuz the fucker's interruptin' my thinkin' time, "The fuck you keep goin' on about?"_

_He looked like he was gonna pop a blood vessel, poor guy._

"_Get out of my classroom!"_

_Grabbin' my backpack, I hop up and stroll out while he's still goin' on about something but all I can think about is where the fuck is Angel today…_

_I think I'm supposed to go to the principal's office but I just can't be bothered with that asshole today so I just leave instead. Wanderin' out to the back of the school, I drop my backpack and grab a cigarette from it. Then I lean behind the dumpsters and take a deep hit. _

_Nobody bothers me out here and I can think in peace. _

_This whole Angel thing was drivin' me crazy. I knew he liked me, that much was obvious but he wouldn't tell me anything that was goin' on in that head of his. He'd always just clam up and take off. _

_All I did was ask him if I was his first kiss…I mean, he was so fuckin' good at it, it made me curious. He kissed me way better than any of the girls I ever kissed._

_But he just made up some excuse about havin' to go home and he took off so fast I couldn't even go after him…he was gone by the time I ran outside, already disappeared in the darkness. I hollered for him a few times but he never answered._

_So where the fuck is he?_

_I got my answer when I saw his mama's car pullin' round the side of the building. Peekin' my head around the corner, I saw Angel in the front seat arguin' with his mama about something. At least, I guess that was his mama, I never actually met none of his family or nothin._

_His poor mama is cryin', obviously upset as they argue bout somethin' I can't hear. Then a minute later, he's stormin' out, slammin' the car door shut and screamin' out, "I said I'm fine! God, just leave me alone!"_

_He runs up to the doors and she sits there a minute, wiping her eyes before she takes off. I feel really bad for her. My mama never cried when she was arguin' with me. She always went for the jugular which is probably where I learned that shit from._

_I throw down my cigarette and get ready to head off after him back inside the school but the moment his mama's car is outta sight, I see him runnin' my way._

_He's lookin' back for the car and doesn't see me as he rounds the corner and runs right past me._

"_Angel, where the hell you goin'?"_

_His head whips around the other way and he finally sees me as he trips and falls flat on his face._

_I lean down to help him, mumblin', "Shit, sorry, man…"_

_But he's just pushin' me away as he gets to his feet and spits out, "I'm fine, you don't have to help me. You just startled me, standing out here creeping behind the school…"_

_Shovin' my hands in my pockets, I look down and mumble, "I wasn't creepin' on you…I was out here smokin'…you just ran right by me…"_

_He lets out a breath and sighs, "Shit…I'm sorry, Brandon. I didn't mean to snap at you."_

_Shruggin' my shoulders, I raise my eyes and smile, "S'okay. I'm glad you're here, I kinda wanted to talk to you…"_

_Immediately he gets defensive, crossin' his little arms across his chest as he looks up at me, "About what?"_

_It kinds pisses me off and I snap, "What the fuck is your problem, Angel? What did I do to make you so mad at me?"_

_I needed to know! Cuz whatever it was, I didn't mean it and I just wanted him to stop bein' mean and just smile at me and call me his crazy white boy. He didn't even have to kiss me no more if he didn't want to…I just wanted him to talk right to me._

_He snaps right back, "I'm not fucking mad at you! I'm just mad! And you're here! And you wanna know what my problem is?! Where do I fucking begin, Brandon?! I just can't even…"_

_And then he stops dead in his tracks and slaps his hand over his mouth with wide eyes as he backs away from me._

_I take a step towards him and he shakes his head and holds his hand out for me to stay away._

_I hate it._

"_What's goin' on, Angel? Talk to me. Please."_

_His whole body is shakin' as he removes his hand and rasps out, "I don't wanna talk, mi loco guero…I wish I could just fly away…like how a bird flies south for the winter…"_

_I don't really understand._

"_But it's warm here…this _is _the south…"_

_At least he cracks a smile, "That's not exactly what I meant…"_

_I'm gettin' really frustrated by this point, "Why'd you run off last night? And why wasn't you in school this mornin'?"_

_He lets out a groan before he smiles brilliantly, a little gleam in his eye as he whispers, "If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees…"_

_What the fuck does that mean?_

"_Are you callin' me wind? I don't get it…"_

_Smiling, he walks over and grabs my cigarettes from my backpack, "Let's not talk anymore about it right now…let's just bask in the moment of silence and reflect…"_

_I was so fuckin' confused, "But what…"_

_He lifted his fingertip and pressed it to my lips as he whispered, "Shhh…we're basking…"_

_I couldn't really think straight when he was touchin' me so I just nodded and fished my lighter from my pocket so I could light his square for him._

_My mind was racin' but I kept quiet cuz I didn't wanna scare him off or make him mad at me. _

_But soon, we was caught outside by security and forced to go back to our classes. _

_And while I laid my head on my arms and stared out the window while the teacher was goin' on 'bout something I didn't give two shits about, I sighed cuz the fucker never gave me a straight answer. I was more confused now than I had ever been._

::

Gasping for air, I wake up to Angel's face fluttering through my mind. Jumpin' from the bed, I stumble to the window and curse when I can't see the light pole cuz that means I'm far away from him.

I have to actually remind myself of where I am and why. That brings Brady to the forefront of my mind as I sit back on the bed and grab my phone. I'm on his name when I realize that it's four in the mornin' in Seattle right now and I can't call him.

It pisses me off that I gotta wait but my phone buzzes and I see that I got a bunch of texts overnight. Half awake, it takes me a minute to figure out how to open them but when I finally do, I see they're from Edward.

**Just wanted to share these photos. Hope your day goes well tomorrow. Remember to call if you need anything. **

I smile as I flip through the pictures of everyone while they were here in Texas. There's probably twenty pictures and it helps calm me down as I look at them and see my family…my friends…and my little Princess.

Eventually I figure how to save them to my phone and I make the one of me and Brady cuddled up and smilin' at the camera, my background.

Then I send Edward a text back.

**good lookin out thanks man **

And then I end it with a smiley face cuz I think Edward would like that. Then I send Brady one.

**mornin sunshine miss u like crazy have a good day at school…learn lots smart boy**

Then I set out to get ready for the mornin, keepin' myself busy so I didn't get too nervous.

I made coffee and smoked a cigarette then ate a huge bowl of Frosted Flakes cuz they're awesome. After breakfast, I took a quick shower and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt before sittin' outside and playin' around on my phone while I smoked and waited for eight o'clock.

Eventually, I seen Lou Anne walkin' from the back parkin' lot 'round the front of the building. It was 7:45 so I went ahead and put my phone away, then made my down the stairs.

She saw me as soon as I turned the corner and she gave me a big ole grin, "Well good mornin, darlin! Did ya get the place together okay?"

She's opening the door and motions for me to go in but I grab it instead and tell her to go ahead cuz I think that's the proper way to treat women…and Brady.

"Uh, yeah, my family helped me out a bunch. It looks real good. You can come see it sometime if ya want…ya know, since it's yours…"

I was ramblin' and feelin' like a dumbass. Of course she could come see it. She owned it.

But she just grinned as she started flippin' on lights, "That'd be real nice. I'd like to see it. Bet that boy of yours fixed it all up."

I nodded but kept my mouth shut this time.

It took her a minute to get everything settled before she turned to me with a smile, "Ya know how to make coffee?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Please, honey, call me Lou Anne. Or big mama. That's what some of the kids call me."

Without thinkin', I spoke, "That don't bother you?"

I always thought women were sensitive bout their weight.

But she just giggled as she shook her red hair, "No, I don't mind it. I'm big. It's cool. They don't mean nothin' bad by it. 'Sides, my boyfriend loves this big ass…"

With that, she smacked it and I blushed real hard as I mumbled, "Um, I hope I didn't offend you or nothin…I didn't mean…"

She just cut me off with a sweet smile, "Oh, sweetheart, don't worry bout it. You're just stressin' yourself all out this mornin…a couple things to know bout me, I don't get easily offended and I'm all about sayin' what's on your mind. You ain't gotta filter yourself here, Doll. I know you got your own family but we're like a family here too. We argue and fuss sometimes but we speak our minds and everybody respects everybody else. You just stick to that and you'll be just fine."

Letting out a deep breath, I nod, "Okay…thanks. Uh, where's the coffee pot and I'll go put some on."

I figured I should make myself useful. It was back in the little break room and after shuffling through a few cabinets, I found everything and got it started.

"Hey new guy."

I turned around to see a young girl, maybe Brady's age. She had short red and black hair, piercings everywhere and her arms were covered in bright colored tattoos of tropical flowers and stars and fairies. I bet Brady woulda liked it.

"Um…hi."

She flashes a big grin as she walks over and grabs a mug, "I'm Lexi. Big mama said we were getting a new guy today. Your name's Brandon, right?"

Shoving my hands in my pocket, I look down at the floor and nod, "Uh…yeah. Nice to meet you."

"Oh my God, ain't you just the cutest thing ever! You're so sweet, I just wanna sop you up with a biscuit!"

My whole body is in flames when a guy walks in. He's an older guy, big and burly with gray curly hair and a matching beard. His arms are covered in dark ink as he chuckles, low and deep, "Don't let Lex scare ya son, her mouth is big but she hits like a girl."

She swatted his arm and pouted, "I do not have a big mouth! I'm friendly, dick head. Now get the sugar down, I can't reach it."

He reached over her head and grabbed the sugar from the cabinet before he stuck out his hand, "I'm Bones. Nice to meet ya."

That's an odd name for such a big guy but whatever.

I shook his hand and nodded, "Um, yeah. I'm Brandon."

"Lou Anne says ya do great work. You do these sleeves?"

He's lookin' at my arm and I like showin' it off so I pull up my sleeve so he can see it, "Um, yeah. I designed it but I didn't do the ink."

Lexi smiles as she looks to, "Wow, this is really great. You'll do real good here if you can build up a client base. As fine as you are, that shouldn't be a problem."

With a wink, she giggles and I remember what Lou Anne said bout just sayin' what's on my mind so I mumble out, "Yeah, um…I gotta boyfriend…just thought you should know."

Now she's howling as she stirs her coffee, "Wow, that was fast! Took me two weeks before I admitted to havin' a girlfriend. He must be a cutie pie. You got pics?"

I'm lookin' at Bones to see how he's reactin' but he's just chucklin' as he shakes his head and sips his coffee.

So I let out a breath and smile, "Um, yeah…"

I pull out my phone and show her my background and she's grinnin' from ear to ear, "You sly dog, he's a fox. Something tells me that boy's a little pistol…"

Nodding my head, I grin, "You don't even know…"

This is cool. I kinda like Lexi. And Bones seems alright so far. Lou Anne soon joined us and we just all sat around bullshittin' for a bit and drinkin' our coffee.

They went through their schedule for the day, with two more people comin' in a little later on. Lou Anne said she was gonna stick with me for the first hour till some kid named Sig showed up and he'd take over.

She explained since I didn't have a license, I couldn't tat yet but the classes were Wednesday and Friday. I'd have to take a test after to get my license she said if I passed, she'd pay for the fee.

The thought of a test made me nervous, I always sucked at school cuz I just couldn't pay attention long enough.

She showed me around the stock room and the front desk. I watched her help a couple people that came in and it didn't seem so bad…until she started showin' me how to work the register.

I blurted out, "You really gonna trust me with your money?"

Cursin' myself silently, she just smiles, "Well, sure, honey. Took me a long time but now I try to trust people till they give me a reason not to."

Maybe I'd get there someday.

The rest of the mornin' flew by and it was a little borin' but still a hundred times better than sweatin' my ass off outside breakin' my back all fuckin' day.

Lou Anne told me to go take a break while she made a couple of calls so I stepped out back and lit up a cigarette. Pullin' out my phone, I saw a text message from Brady.

**Good morning babe. Missing you like crazy too. Thought about you all night. Woke up with a raging hard on. : ) Lol, I'm kidding but not really. Anyway, my first class starts at 8:30 (10:30 your time) call me if you can. Knock 'em dead, babe! XOXOXO**

I was grinnin' like a fuckin' idiot as I re-read it twice before I quickly glanced at the time.

10:15am

I surprise myself how fast I pull up his name and hit 'call.'

A second later, I hear his sweet voice, "Hey Brandon!"

"Hey baby. How's your mornin' goin'?"

"Mmm, better now that I'm talking to you…"

He giggles and I chuckle as he speaks again, "So how's it going? Tell me everything!"

It's nice to have someone interested in what's goin' on in my life, so I tell him everything. I don't usually have good news to share so it's kinda cool.

"Aww, Lexi said I was a fox? I like this girl. Everyone sounds great so far, Brandon. Are you enjoying it?"

I shrugged, even if he couldn't see me, "Yeah, I mean, it's different but it's alright so far."

His soft little sigh flutters through the phone, "I'm so, so proud of you, Brandon. Ugh, I have to go though, class is getting ready to start and my professor is glaring at me…"

I can't help but chuckle, "Tell that fucker to quit mean muggin' ya. Text me when ya can, babe."

"K. Talk to you soon, baby. Bye."

"Bye."

Slidin' my phone in my pocket, I flip my cigarette and head back inside. Lou Anne introduces me to the young, black haired kid sittin' at the counter with his nose buried in a book.

"Siggy, this is Brandon…Siggy, pay attention…"

His eyes snap up and he looks like he really didn't hear anything she said as he mumbles, "Uh…what?"

Lou Anne laughed, a deep bellowing sound that made me smile.

"This is Sig. He suffers from ADD so sometimes you have to repeat yourself…many, many times. Siggy, this is Brandon. You're gonna be showin' him the ropes today okay?"

Finally he looks over at me and his eyes are crystal blue as they open wide and he breaths out, "Oh, badass tats, man! Can I see?"

Pullin' up my sleeve, I nod, "Sure, man, go ahead."

He's starin' at the ink as Lou Anne smiles, "I'll leave you in his hands now, Doll. I've got some errands to go run now but any of 'em can help you out if you need it. And you can always reach me on my cell, they got the number, go ahead and save it just in case you ever need it. I'll be back around two."

A minute later she's walkin out the door and he's still lookin' at my arm. I'm a little uncomfortable but he finally pulls away and hops back up on his stool, "Wow, it's like an enigma wrapped in a conundrum!"

He must understand the look I'm givin' him cuz he shakes his head and smiles, "It's just really cool work, very mysterious since I don't know the stories behind the images. I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"Uh…Brandon."

Holding out his hand, I cant help but smile at the black nail polish cuz it reminds me of something Brady might wear if it matched his outfit.

"I'm Sig. Yes, my dad named me Sigmund 'cause he's kind of a dick."

That makes me chuckle as I shake his hand and nod, "Nice to meet ya."

"Yeah, you too. So, you're an artist, huh? Me too, sorta. I can't do ink 'cause needles freak me the fuck out but I draw a lot of the designs if the artists are too busy to do it themselves. Everything along this wall is mine…"

I like that he calls us artists. It makes it sound really cool.

He shows me his work and the kid is good. The wall is filled with dragons and butterflies and naked women. Lots of naked women.

I raise a brow and he shrugs with a laugh, "Bitches, man. They don't give me the time of day yet but they will. Once I get out of school and start making the big bucks, the women are gonna come. I bet that's something you ain't ever had a problem with…"

Figuring that I might as well just tell him, I tuck my hair behind my ear and smile, "Uh, women never been too much of a problem. But, uh…I never liked 'em that much. I, uh, got a boyfriend actually."

I'm expecting an awkward pause but the kid doesn't miss a beat, "Oh yeah? That's cool. I thought I was bi once, but turns out, I was just really horny. So what's your boyfriend do?"

"Um, he goes to the University of Seattle…an art major…"

"You smoke?"

I nod and he grabs his squares outta his backpack, "Cool, let's go out front and smoke one. It's dead as fuck in here right now but it usually picks up after lunch…"

Following him outside, we both light up and he just starts ramblin', "Damn, that must suck, him being so far away. I go to school too, web design. You'll like it here though, Lou Anne's good peeps. Have you met her boyfriend yet? He's a house but a real decent guy. Lexi is cool, I asked her out like ten times but she insists she's a lesbian. It's cool, though, 'cause I plan on swooping in when that girl of hers messes up. She totally digs me, I just know it. Well, maybe she doesn't but she could some day. I mean, stranger things have happened. I'm from Arkansas by the way, in case you were noticing that I don't have a twang. Bones is a good guy. He's got a disabled grandson, Lucas. Down syndrome. His daughter and grandkid live with him, he takes good care of them. She's pretty hot too but seriously, Bones would crush all of mine if I got near her so I just admire from afar. Tripp's coming in at four today. He's cool just don't ever insult the Dallas Cowboys or he goes into spasticated seizures…"

I nod and mumble a few words every now and then but he pretty much just goes from topic to topic without missin' a beat and it's cool cuz then I don't have to talk much.

After a couple hours of bullshittin', I really liked the kid. He was funny and smart and didn't treat me like I was an idiot.

At lunch time, I trade a few texts with Brady and got a missed call from Esme. Lexi and Sig take me across the street to a diner and treat me to lunch on my first day which I thought was really nice.

They both see Suzie's pic flash on my screen when I scroll through my contacts and they both go on 'bout how hot she is while I just chuckle.

I call her back and smile when she answers.

"Hey sweetheart, how's your first day going?"

"Really good, actually. How are you and Carlisle?"

"Oh fine, dear. He's at work and I've got JJ today. He's being granny's big helper today out in the garden."

I hear him whining in the background, "Let me talk! Let me talk!"

She laughs, "Do you have a minute to talk to JJ?"

I smile, "Yeah, put him on."

"Hi Uncle B! I planted flowers today! They're so purdy, Uncle Beady is gonna love 'em cuz there's so many colors…"

After talkin' to JJ a minute, Esme got back on the phone and said good bye. She said she'd call me later to check in and I thought that was really nice.

We went back to work and it was alright. I cleaned a little 'round the store and even helped Sig draw up a few pieces. He decided I was good peeps cuz some giggly girls kept tryin' to talk to me and I just kept tellin' 'em that Sig was the man they should be talkin' to.

.

.

.

"Are you sure?"

I looked down at the girl, probably 19 or 20, and smiled, "Yeah, he does a lot of the art work 'round here. All the shit on this wall is his. If you're wantin' a butterfly, he's your man."

His nose was in his book but he was peekin' over it as he watched them.

The other girl whispered, "But he looks kind of…strange…"

I chuckled, "Artists _are _strange but they're passionate and trust me when I tell ya, he's the man."

The girl I had been talkin' to walked over and cleared her throat, "Um, hey, so I hear you're the man I need to see…"

.

.

.

"That was fucking awesome, Brandon! I gave her my cell and told her to call with any questions. She's gonna call…I just know it…"

.

.

.

Lou Anne came back around two and things had picked up quite a bit. Runnin' the register made me a little nervous but it wasn't so bad once I got used to it.

At four, Tripp came in. He was about my age and a fuckin' sports nut. We talked a little 'bout football, boxin', and basketball.

When it was time for me to go home, Lou Anne told me I done a real good job today and gave me a bunch of paperwork to fill out and bring back the next day. She also told me to call the Health Department and confirm my attendance to their class on Wednesday.

I was goin' through the paperwork when Brady called me.

We talked for a little while and I told him how I was dreadin' callin' the Health Department cuz I hate talkin' to professional people like that. He volunteered to do it for me so that was cool.

He couldn't talk too long though cuz he had to go to work. He said he couldn't wait to show them bitches my picture and make them all jealous.

But he reminded me to eat dinner and while I toiled around the house, I got calls from Jeremiah, Jay, and Carlisle. Emmett even texted me.

**Hope your first day was good. Em J and Rosie say hi.**

So it was pretty cool havin' all these people checkin' in on me. I finally got to talk to Brady later that night and I told him 'bout my whole day and he told me 'bout his. It was really nice.

.

.

.

The week continued on like that and even when I was nervous 'bout that class on Wednesday, Brady sent me a bunch of texts tellin' me that he knew I could do it and to just believe in myself.

Class was a little easier this time around. I still had a hard time focusin' but I was bound and determined not to fuck this up. I even took notes.

Thursday was a little more difficult cuz I had therapy after work.

Sittin' in that office with her was a little nerve wrackin' but Dr. Lorenzo just smiled sweetly and asked me about my new job. That was cool. I could talk about that. I didn't wanna talk 'bout the dreams I'd been havin' all week.

Dreams and memories of Angel…the dreams of memories were hard but the nightmares were worse. I'd see him sittin' on top of that light pole and I yelled for him and ran to him but I could never get there before he was hangin'…and once, his face morphed into Brady's and it freaked me out so bad I ended up callin' Brady at four in the mornin.

I felt like shit about it but he didn't act mad at me.

Friday finally came and I was so fuckin' nervous takin' that test but I actually passed. I took a pic of my certificate and texted it to everybody and they all ended up callin' me and tellin' me how proud they were.

It was really nice.

And when I got to work and showed Lou Anne, she went out and bought cupcakes for us to celebrate. No one ever celebrated nothin' for me before and those were the best damn cupcakes I ever had.

The week had been great, the second best week of my life.

And to top it off, Brady didn't have to work tonight so we could have a nice long chat…and by chat I mean cyber sex.

Virtual sex wasn't as good as the real thing but my boy always knew how to kick things up a notch…

"So, um, I have a surprise for you! It's kind of a 'congratulations on your first week and passing your test' gift. Are you ready?"

He was off screen and boy was I fuckin' ready, my pants were already down around my ankles and I had my dick in hand, "I'm ready, baby."

A moment later he walks on screen and my dick just jumps, probably tryin' to get to him cuz he's wearin' a red cheerleadin' outfit that fits him snug. The little pleated skirt barely covers that bubble of an ass and he even has pom pom's.

I'm grinnin' like a fool as he giggles and does a little cheer, kickin' his legs up so I can see he ain't got no undies on underneath it.

"Two, four, six, eight, Let me watch you masturbate!"

It's funny and I'm laughin' even as I jerk myself off. He drops a pom pom and turns his ass to the camera as he bends over and giggles, "Oh no, I seemed to have dropped my pom pom…"

He's such a little freak.

I really fuckin' love him.

Maybe soon I'll get the balls to tell him.


	21. Chapter 21

**I really do apologize for the wait. This time of year is always really busy for me and RL has been kicking me and the hubs asses lately. Be patient with me, I promise I won't abandon this story and I'll pick up writing faster as soon as I can. Trust me, I miss it.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy.**

**Brady's POV**

"I can't wait to see you! Can you believe it's been three months already? God, I really miss you!"

He chuckled into the phone and my heart raced. I loved to hear him laugh.

"I miss you too, Princess. What time your plane gettin' in?"

Brandon had been doing unbelievably good these last few months. He was starting to get a customer base at the shop, he was still in counseling, his parole officer had also continued his mandatory anger management classes which he wasn't too happy about but I suggested that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing…he just grunted in annoyance.

But he did what he had to do and was doing it well.

I was a very proud boyfriend.

"Um, about 6:30 your time. But Brandon, I can take a cab it's no big deal…"

"Hush now, baby, I'm pickin you up. Lexi said she'd drive so it's cool. If I ride with her a couple times, I might be able to figure that crazy shit out good enough to pick ya up myself soon."

I sighed with a big grin, even if he couldn't see it. It was a big step and I was so happy he had friends with him.

Friends were what made life manageable…

"Ok, babe. So are you excited to see me?"

He chuckled, "The fuck you think, princess? You excited to see me?"

"You know I am. Besides my plane doesn't get back on Sunday until well after the Cullen and Friends Baseball Extravaganza…"

Brandon knew that one Sunday a month everyone got together to play baseball and have lunch. Well, they all played baseball, I hung out with the boys and sometimes Gracie if Jane came. I secretly kind of wanted to play but two reasons kept me from trying; 1) I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of anyone because I've never really done it before and 2) have you seen how fast those freakin' balls fly at your face?

I'm into some kinky stuff but no thank you.

He let out a soft sigh, "Shit, I gotta go, my next appointment just got here. Can I talk to you tonight?"

Now it was my turn to chuckle, "Brandon, you ask me every day if we can talk later that night and have I ever said no?"

I could hear the smile in his voice, "I reckon there's a first time for everythin…"

"Not for that. Talk to you later, honey."

"K. Bye, babe."

I slid my phone into my pocket and continued going through my closet, trying to find the perfect clothes for my weekend in Texas. My last final was in the morning and then I had the whole weekend off work to kick off summer break.

It was going to be a great summer. Suzie just graduated and would be moving here next week. She got a job in a animal shelter and would be starting UDub with us in the fall.

Well, all except Alice who had decided to quit school for awhile and focus on her career. Her shoe line had really taken off and her and Jeremiah had gotten more serious so she figured she could go back later on when her life had settled down. It's not like she needed for money.

But I had a super, sexy boyfriend that showed me his dick every single night. Life could not get any better…at least not until three months from now when Brandon would get approved for his parole to be moved here.

I was carefully folding my clothes and putting them into the cute pink luggage with black skull and crossbones on it that Alice let me borrow when she leaned in my doorway and gently rapped on my opened door.

"Hey Brady! You almost packed?"

She bounced into the room and sat on my bed looking up at me with big doe eyes and a goofy grin splitting her face like she was about to burst from happiness.

I couldn't stop my own grin as I set down my clothes and giggled, "Oh my God, tell me before you explode into little pixie shaped bits all over my good clothes!"

Her knees were bouncing and hands trembling as she took a deep breath then let it out, "Jeremiah wants to move in with me!"

My heart leapt as she quickly kept going, "But it's totally cool because I can get a big enough place for all of us! You, me, Suzie, Jeremiah, and JJ! We'll be like one big happy family!"

This is why I still hadn't unpacked my boxes in the closet. But I couldn't let her suffer any longer so I threw my arms around her, bringing her in for a big hug as I laughed, "Alice, Suzie and I can get our own place…this is such good news! Please don't worry about me, this is what you've wanted! Like a real little family!"

She hugged me tight for a minute but eventually pulled away. Strumming her fingers through my hair, she smiled, "You're a good friend, Brady. Thank you for understanding. Anything you need, just let me know. Speaking of…I have a little business proposition for you…"

Crossing her arms over her chest, her lips curled in a smirk as I smiled back, "Oh?"

"So, okay, you know my shoe line has just gone crazy and I just got word back today that they want to add a line of designer purses too. I want to do something cute and cool and kind of different with lots of graphic designs and bright colors. Like, you know, similar to the Ed Hardy stuff but fancier, like, more girly and cute. Anyway, I want you to do some sketches for me. Like your cartoon-y stuff? I think you could come up with some amazing ideas and if they want to use them, it could be a nice little chunk of money. So, yes? No? Maybe?"

Biting my lip, I sat next to her and sighed, "Do you really think I'm good enough for that? You should get a professional. Even Brandon would be better…"

She stood with her hands on her hips and huffed down at me, "Brady, I want you. You're every bit as good as Brandon and I think you're the perfect choice for this job. You're good. You're really, really good, I mean you got a freaking scholarship because you're so good. Quit down playing your talent, BB. You're amazing."

I could feel the pink stain my cheeks and couldn't stop a small grin as I looked up at her, "I love you, Ali."

And then I was pounced on by the hyper little thing as we fell giggling to my bed.

"I love you too. So, I'm going to help you and Suzie find a fantastic place! We'll go out Monday afternoon, have lunch, make a girls day out of it! Oh, I'll get Rosie to go too if she can, I mean, she drops Em J off at preschool on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 11:00 so it should be cool…"

I raised up on my elbows and interrupted, "Oh wait! So this is gonna be JJ's new room, right? What are you gonna do it in? We need to paint! The walls are much too drab for my nephew, he needs a little color. I could even do a mural on one wall maybe…"

"Oh yes! He'd love that! Maybe some pickup trucks, like his daddy's, and oh you have to do Bumblebee and Batman and…"

So we ended up talking for awhile about JJ's room and even though I was a little sad to be moving out of this place, I always knew it was only temporary. It would be great to room with Suzie and I really couldn't be happier for Alice.

Life was about changing.

Besides hopefully I'd be moving Brandon in with me and Suzie in just a few short months from now.

Alice and I were still lying in my bed when we heard the front door open and JJ's voice yelling, "Ali! Uncle Beady! I'm here! I got my daddy too!"

I yelled out, "In here, munchkin!"

A second later JJ came bounding through the door and pounced on us in the bed as Jeremiah walked in behind him laughing.

"Well alright, I'm here now, the love fest can begin…"

Then he jumped in behind me and snuggled up as he reached over to wrap his arms across to Alice and JJ.

I giggled and squirmed because he really was the gayest straight boy I knew. JJ was laying across all of us with a little stuffed bear in his arms. He held it out to me and smiled, "I got dis for Uncle B! See he gots tats!"

The little bear had a wife beater on and arms covered in ink with a white bandanna on its little head. It was adorable.

So I ended up hanging out with them for awhile until it was time for me to go in for my stupid three hour shift at the coffee shop.

It was fine though because I loved to rub in the fact that I had the sexiest boyfriend of everyone at the shop.

After my shift, I went back home and started to cram for my final a little bit but Brandon's last appointment for the day canceled so he called me early. It was cool though because I'd much rather talk to him than go over my notes for the fiftieth time.

We ended up talking kind of late. Brandon had finally started talking about Angel to his therapist and it had been pretty difficult for him. I wasn't jealous, not really, but sometimes it made my chest hurt a little.

But Brandon had said on more than one occasion that I was his best friend so I wanted him to be able to talk to me about anything. Even if it hurt a little because I should be a good enough person not to let it.

Anyways, because of the late night, I was really sleepy the next morning before my exam so I popped over to the coffee shop to get a jolt of caffeine to get me through the morning.

As I was juggling my coffee, my phone, and the strap to my book bag, I stumbled a bit into a stranger but he was nice and grabbed my arm to hold me steady.

Once I had everything under control, I looked up at the man who helped me and smiled as my cheeks turned red, "Um, sorry. Thanks, I think I've got it now."

"You're not working today."

It wasn't a question, but a comment and I furrowed my brows as I studied his face. Finally it dawned on me that he was a regular here.

"Oh, uh, no I actually have class in a few minutes so, um, thanks for the save…"

"You're welcome. Good luck on your final."

Wait a second…

Shifting my book bag on my shoulder, I ask, "You don't go to my school, do you?"

Now he grins as he chuckles, "No, I used to teach a literature class there but I'm taking a year or two off from teaching."

He's a little older and very well dressed in a suit that costs more than my entire wardrobe.

"You're very well dressed for a writer. My friend Eddie writes but he usually wears these god awful sweats and some holy t-shirt that should've been thrown away ages ago. And I have no idea why I'm rambling about clothes but um…yeah, I better go, don't wanna be late for my final. Nice to meet you."

He nods with a wry grin, "You too."

I give him one more small nod and smile before taking off to my class. Luckily, I manage to make it there without spilling my coffee or dropping my phone as I send Brandon a quick text to tell him how excited I am to see him tonight and thanking him for his text this morning wishing me good luck.

I'm gonna need it.

The exam is brutal but I get through it and am so thankful when I see that shiny silver Volvo waiting for me outside of class.

I hop in and slump in the front seat as Eddie smiles at me, "Hey, how was it?"

Groaning, I lay my head back on the seat and sigh, "I don't wanna talk about it. Wish I was a freakin' genius like you. Thanks for picking me up."

Then his hand is on my chin, tilting my face to his as he frowns, "You look tired, Brady."

I shrug, "Yeah, late night. I'm so excited though! Summer's finally here!"

That makes him smile as he finally starts driving and we chat about our plans for the summer.

Eddie takes me back to my place so I can pick up my luggage before taking me to the airport. We decide to stop off for a late lunch and Eddie tells me that Jay is gonna join us just moments before he comes through the door of the diner.

He smiles as he slides into the booth next to Eddie across from me and throws his arm over the back of the seat, "Hey Brady."

Then he turns his head and grins only for his hubby as he leans in and whispers, "Hey baby boy."

Eddie's red, even after all this time, as he grins and leans forward for a quick kiss.

I sigh and think of Brandon and how much I can't wait for him to be here so that I can share sweet kisses with him for all the world to see too.

We order lunch and just chit chat for a little while until it's time for me to go. I let them pay because I have like no money left after getting the ticket to go to Texas but it had been far too long and this was the first weekend I had gotten off since coming back home.

Eddie and Jay drove me to the airport as I sighed wistfully at their clasped hands on top of the console.

I really couldn't wait for Brandon to move here.

The boys saw me off and I day dreamed through the whole flight. And as I was walking down the corridor to the gates pulling my carry on and clutching that little tattooed bear, my heart was beating out of my chest in anticipation.

Then I rounded the corner and saw him. My whole body was tingling as I strode toward him, trying to play it cool and not fall.

But I was grinning like a fool as he stood there, thumbs hooked in the pockets of his low slung, baggy jeans. The dark navy t-shirt stretched across his chest, the flannel rolled haphazardly to his elbow, revealing the sexiest tanned, inked skin.

His hair was a little longer, falling around his face as he grinned at me and tucked it behind his ear with a laugh, "Hurry the fuck up, Princess…"

Now I broke into a run, giggling before I was wrapped around him, feet dangling from the ground as we both laughed like idiots.

It felt so good to have my arms around him again, his hair tickling my cheek and his big, strong arms holding me as if I was the most precious thing that ever existed. I've never felt safer than when I'm in his arms.

He was holding me so tight, his nose pressed into my hair as he breathed me in. His scruff scratched against my cheek as he whispered, "Fuck, I missed you, Brady."

Tightening my arms around his broad shoulders, I buried my nose behind his ear and pressed a gentle kiss to right underneath it as I whispered back, "Missed you too, Brandon."

And then he really surprised me as his face turned and his lips were brushing mine. I kissed him back, much softer and much more gentle than I really wanted to. If I thought I was tingly before, my body was riding currents now.

Much too soon, my feet were back on the floor, his arm around my back as I noticeably wobbled from lack of breath that he had stolen away.

He just smiled down at me with that beautiful dimpled grin, "Brady, this is Lexi."

Finally, I broke from the haze and looked up to the young girl grinning back at me. She had short black and pink hair and I couldn't help but smile, "Hey you match my bag, see!"

I grabbed the handle and pushed it forward as her mouth dropped open, "Oh my God, I want that!"

I smiled back as I brushed my hair behind my ear, "I know right! My friend Alice let me borrow it because all I had was my backpack and I can barely fit two outfits, let alone my shoes in that thing."

My cheeks were on fire as I tried to reign in my rambling but luckily, she didn't seem to mind as she rambled back while Brandon grabbed my bag and my hand while we started walking out to the parking garage.

We hopped into his old truck, me in the middle as she drove and I could barely think straight with Brandon's body pressed in so close to mine.

His arm was around me, hand against my neck as my fingers drifted along his strong thigh, feeling it twitch and flex underneath them as his eyes became hooded while they focused on my lips.

Sweet baby Buddha, my dick was starting to get hard. These jeans were much too tight to pop wood in front of the girl so I crossed my legs as Brandon bit his lip to stifle a moan.

I raised an eyebrow as I slid my hand to his inner thigh and…

"Go for it, fellas. Don't mind me. I'm totally into girls but I'm not against watching…"

My eyes snapped to a grinning Lexi as she just started laughing and shrugged, "What? It's totally hot."

I liked Lexi. She had spunk.

Brandon and I managed to mostly keep our hands to ourselves for the remainder of the ride though looks were exchanged that relayed our dirty thoughts in perfect clarity.

By the time we pulled up in the lot behind his building, my skin was on fire and I barely remember thanking Lexi as we drifted up the old wooden steps to his door while she made a comment about cranking up the music in the shop to drown us out...

But I couldn't be distracted enough to be embarrassed because his chest pressed against my back and arm gripped tight around my waist making it difficult to walk but it didn't matter because really…I was floating.

He fumbled with the lock on his door, big, strong hands trembling as he finally slid the key in and let out a ragged breath against my ear.

I could feel him hard against my ass already, hips curving in as he practically pushed me into the door before it swung open.

Stumbling in, my bag was dropped to the floor as I was being pushed against the door, slamming it shut while my feet left the ground. My legs wrapped around his thick, solid waist, heavy cock pulsing hot through his jeans against my own as his lips collided with mine.

He had one arm under my ass, holding me steady while his other threaded through my hair, clenching tightly as he whimpered into my mouth.

His whole body was shaking; it was like it pained him that he couldn't get closer. The desperation sent me reeling and I was tugging his lips away by my fingers in his hair. We both gasped but I dove in at his neck and ear, biting and sucking, groaning and gasping while I pushed his flannel down his broad shoulders.

Once the flannel dropped to the floor, his free hand was helping tear off his t-shirt before yanking at mine.

My hands were everywhere, fingertips digging into hard flesh and muscle as I rasped out, "Bed…now..."

He grunted against my neck in agreement stumbling us both the short distance to the bed. I landed on my back, gasping as the mattress bounced underneath me just once before I was pinned against it by hard muscle and weight. He was kissing me almost brutally and I returned the sentiment as I dug the heels of my shoes into his ass, drawing him closer while my fingers tangled in his hair, holding it back as I pushed into the kiss with just as much vigor.

It was almost too much and not nearly enough all at the same time. Now it was me whimpering as I dragged my fingers down his back, arms not long enough push those cock-blocking jeans down.

My cock was swelling painfully against my zipper, only to be teased and taunted when his hard dick slid into it.

Fuck, I could feel the heavy beat of his heart thumping against my chest as it stuttered with a staggered breath. Tearing his mouth from mine, his teeth dug into my neck with a growl as I gasped out in frantic short breaths, "Please…fuck…now…"

That just made him grind harder.

There wasn't one part of my body that wasn't sizzling with heat. I could feel the sweat begin to trickle down my neck as my fingers skidded across his back in effort to pull him even closer.

It felt like electricity coursing through me as I shuddered, pushing against his shoulders and growling, "God damn it, Brandon, I am _not _gonna cum in my pants. Clothes. Off. Now."

That seemed to get his attention as he pulled away and looked down at me with lidded blue eyes; his fingers quickly grasping the button on my jeans, popping it open and yanking the zipper down before digging his fingers into my hips and dragging everything down.

I lifted my ass to help as I kicked off my shoes and used my feet to try and push his jeans down off his hips.

My cock finally sprung free, bouncing against my stomach as my back arched from the relief. He got my clothes down around my knees before I was sitting up, both hands on his button and zipper, dragging them down with desperate fingers.

I couldn't get them down fast enough but I was finally able to push them to his thighs. Watching his thick, heavy cock fall forward, the head swollen and red, sticky and leaking, making my whole body shiver in anticipation.

I leaned forward, trapping the plump head between my lips and sucking at the salty cum, dipping my tongue into the slit as I wrapped both hands around the shaft. He was so hot to the touch, thick veins pulsing heavy against my palms. His fingers threaded through my hair before tugging my face up as I pulled off with a pop.

I looked up to see him looking down watching me with heavy breaths. His tongue darted out along his bottom lip and I sprung up on my knees, arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders as I pressed my body against his. I kissed him deep, letting him taste himself on my tongue; cock pushing against the solid muscle of his stomach for some sort of relief.

He whimpered again just moments before I was down on my back, jeans and undies being yanked all the way off and thrown haphazardly to the floor while he managed to tug the rest of his clothes off too.

I was reaching blindly for the nightstand to grab the lube but couldn't reach it with his hips pinning me. But then he was leaning over with a raspy chuckle as he easily reached the drawer.

Smacking his chest, I giggle and manage a breathy, "_Dick_…"

That just makes him grin, deep dimples in scruffy cheeks as he speaks in soft breathless whispers, "That's right, princess…keep beggin' daddy for that dick…"

We're both already red with exertion and now the laughing isn't making it any better.

The laughs transform into gasping moans as two wet fingers push inside me. I push back, chasing the feeling that I had been missing like crazy these last few months. I missed the coarseness of his skin, the heat of it and tickle of his hair…the weight of his body and how it just engulfs me in taut muscle under delicious skin.

But the feeling is more than skin and muscles, hair or scruff…I missed this feeling of having someone I love inside of me…of becoming so entangled with him that it felt like some magical, fairy tale thing…some whirlwind of love and desire, passion and wanton lust…ok maybe the wanton lust thing is more like a Harlequin romance than fairy tale but what I mean is…

"Oh my God, fuck me right now Brandon!"

His breath stutters as his fingers slip out. He falls over me onto his elbows, wet hand slipped between us slicking up his cock. Nipping at my neck, the scratch of his scruff is driving me crazy as the slick head of his dick presses against my ass.

He grunts, "Can I fuck you raw?"

There's no hesitation as I push against the blunt sticky head of his cock, feeling it slip inside and start to stretch me open as he rocks forward. His skin is so hot…

Once he's pushed all the way in and that familiar coil in the pit of my stomach is twisting full force, he begins fucking me relentlessly.

The bed is squeaking, the headboard thumping, and his breath coming out in short huffs that remind me of a baby bull. We're both making noises that amount to nothing but muttered grunts and unintelligible curses as he fucks me hard into the mattress.

It doesn't take long, my body so pent up with sexual frustration, that two or three tugs at my cock in that rough palm and I'm shooting over his hand onto my belly.

He falls to his elbows and buries his face in my neck, huffing and whimpering as his hips stutter. I can feel him cumming inside of me, warm and wet as he breathes hot against my neck.

"I love you…_fuck_, I love you, Brady…"

The air completely leaves my body as I'm left with eyes wide and mouth gaping because did he really just tell me he loves me?

He did.

I can't breathe, it feels like my heart is going to explode, and I want to cry.

But all of things are so, so good right now.

I meant to say it back but was momentarily stunned before he lifted his face. It was red and flushed, hair sweaty and mussed, and eyes big and so very blue that it made me melt.

And then he's stammering as he tucks his hair behind his ear, "I, uh, didn't meant that…I mean, I _did _mean that but I uh, fuck…I wanted to tell ya for awhile but ya know, didn't wanna do it over the phone…shit, I didn't mean to say it when I'm buried balls deep in your ass either…"

Oh my God, he's so cute.

He blows out a puff of air and shakes his head, "Shit, I'm sorry, Brady, I ain't very good at this…"

My face feels like it's going to crack from the grin that spreads across it. Then I'm giggling as I practically pounce him, pushing him to his back and covering his face in kisses as I start whispering how much I love him too and that I think he is absolutely perfect.

This leads to round two…and three.

Hours later, we're both lying there extremely exhausted and absolutely elated with happiness and contentment.

That first night, we only left the bed long enough to eat and take a bath together, which led to round four.

In the morning, I awoke wrapped in big strong arms, soft warm breathing on the back of my neck, and hair tickling my cheek.

I feel like I'm floating all day as we go out to breakfast and end up back in bed again before lunch.

Finally, when we can go longer than an hour without attacking each other, he takes me down to the shop to introduce me to everybody.

I'm a little nervous but Lou Anne wraps me in a big bear hug and whispers not to worry, that she's looking out for Brandon and I hug her back tight because I'm so thankful for that.

The boy at the counter hasn't even seen us yet. He's singing out loud with his ear buds in as he does a little dance while he's dusting the shelves.

Brandon raises an eyebrow at me and with a little evil smirk, he walks over and yanks a bud out while yelling, "Hey Sig!"

The poor boy jumps around, eyes wide as he flails the duster like a sword before holding his hand over his heart and gasping, "Jesus Christ, Brandon, I almost had to kick your ass!"

Brandon's grinning as he leans against the counter, "Well thanks for takin' it easy on me, man…"

Sig waves his hand around with a, "Yeah, yeah, you're lucky this time, B…"

Then his eyes go wide again as he pops the other ear bud out and lays his Ipod on the counter. He smiles as he bounds over to me and holds out his hand.

"Oh that's right! You must be Brady! The big guy here just goes on and on about you…ya know, when he's not pretending to be an immovable statue and actually participates in conversation. I'm Sig. Yes, my dad named me Sigmund 'cause he's an elitist dick. I'm sure B's told you about me, we're like buds. Have you guys had lunch yet? We should go to lunch! Lexi should come too. Hey Lex! Ya wanna go to Benny's? They've got that hot waitress we can both stare at while you keep pretending you're not into me!"

I shake his hand and the boy has me giggling like an idiot as Lexi hollers out from another room, "How much coffee you had today, Sig?!"

He actually twitches a little as he huffs, "What?! Like three or four cups! I'm not that wired!"

Then he grins at me, "Had to pull an all night study session for this stupid Econ class that's about to kill me. I swear, my professor is a sadist, and not the good kind, ya know what I'm saying, huh, huh…"

He's nudging me with his elbow and my cheeks go red as I nod and can't help but laugh.

A few minutes later, I'm introduced to Bones and Tripp before Lexi comes out of the back room, finishing up with a client. They hold down the shop so that we can go to lunch together.

It's fun. Lexi and Sig are really nice and it's cool to see Brandon's life a little bit. He's still pretty quiet, mostly listening and laughing as his friends and I chat it up but every now and then he participates.

"That's just wrong, man…"

Sig's eyebrows go up as he mumbles with a full mouth, "Dere's nuffin wong wid id…"

Brandon looks personally affronted as he furrows his brows, "You can eat turkey, you can eat chicken, but ya can't eat ducks."

The conversation about Sig's cub scout days led to some new information about Brandon so naturally I was curious.

"Why do you think you can't eat duck?"

He huffs out a breath as his cheeks start to tint red, "I ain't sayin' you _can't _eat a duck, I'm just sayin' that ya _shouldn't_."

Sig slurps down his root beer and swallows before speaking this time, "But they're delicious…"

Lexi smacks his arm and scowls at him.

It's obvious there's something to this so I squeeze his hand on my thigh and smile up at him, "You like ducks?"

The poor thing looks like he wants to crawl under the table as he nods, "Uh, yeah…I had one once, for like a pet. I was eight and I seen a family of ducks crossin' this old dirt road back by my granddaddy's lake. Some assholes came outta nowhere and run 'em down, didn't even stop. One of the babies made it though. I took it back home cuz ya know, it's whole family just got murdered…but I didn't know that ya shouldn't really try and tame wild ducks and it died a few weeks later. But yeah, I like ducks. I read somewhere that they mate for life…and chickens and turkeys can't fly but ducks can so you shouldn't eat them."

I had no idea he felt so strongly about ducks. But it didn't surprise me. Brandon was, at times, somewhat childlike. Even something as simple as having a pet was tainted to him. It was times like this when I really wanted to pull his face into my chest and tangle my fingers in his hair, whispering promises that I would never let anyone or anything hurt him ever again.

Of course, I was actually powerless to keep that promise, especially thousands of miles away.

But I wouldn't dwell on that now, not when our thighs are pressed together and our hands are clasped.

Sig swallows his food and holds up his hands in surrender with a smile, "Sorry, big guy. I vow to never eat duck again. Better?"

Brandon's cheeks are red but he nods and gives a little grin.

We finish lunch and walk them back to the shop before walking a few blocks to the park and feeding some ducks…where I find out that his duck had been named Sir Ducks A Lot because he was into the whole rap movement and was fascinated with that song about big butts, apparently he's always been an ass man.

And I tell him about my fascination with Bruce Lee when I was ten and how I used to pretend to do kung fu all around the house, thus my fascination with the ninja lifestyle.

We agree that we're both big dorks and we're lucky to have found each other.

On our way back home, Lou Anne pops out of the shop and invites us to a BBQ at her house in a couple of hours. Brandon asks if I wanna go and I totally do. This is like a whole new world to me and it's fascinating. I love to not only see him in his everyday life but actually be a part of it.

Because even though everything feels so brand new…it's reassuringly familiar too. I think that's because Brandon feels like home to me. Which is really weird because I hadn't had a sense of 'home' since I was a kid, before I began to understand my parents snide remarks.

Maybe that's what love is…it's like finally being home after an exhausting, long, lonely day.

I'm giddy by the time he closes his door behind us. But even floating on air, I totally manage an impressive swirl of my hips as I stick out my butt and hook my thumbs in my tight jeans.

Then I rap.

"You like big butts and you cannot lie, your ghetto cousins can't deny, that when a boy walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung…"

I'm tackled to the bed after that, face down ass up and I'm totally cool with that.

After an impressive round and a half, we head over to Lou Anne's. When we pull out in front of the little house, I see a few guys standing in the driveway around a few bikes. They're drinking beer and all of them inked. I start to feel very out of place as I squeeze Brandon's hand a little tighter.

But then Sig is bounding out the front door, the screen door clanging behind him with three beers in hand, "Sup guys! Food's around back."

We take the beers he hands us and say thanks. Brandon tugs my hand and smiles, "C'mon, Brady, let me introduce ya to everybody."

I'm nervous as we walk over to the big guys by the bikes but they seem friendly as they greet Brandon and smile at me.

"Guys, this is Brady."

He introduced me to a hot Hispanic guy named Miguel, an older biker guy with bushy hair and matching beard named Dan, and a guy about Brandon's age named Sean.

The white boy was a big burly guy with huge arms and a nice smile.

Holding out his fist, I bumped it and he grinned, "Bout time you got your ass down here, boy. This guy's been goin' crazy here and Lou Anne's awfully glad to see ya again."

Brandon laughs and nudges my shoulder, "Sean's Lou Anne's boyfriend."

Huh, Lou Anne was a cougar.

That was cool because the seven-year age difference between me an Brandon didn't seem that big compared to the twenty-some difference they had.

She came out with a big grin telling us that the food was ready and Sean wrapped his arm around her, buried his face in her neck and laughed, "K momma, we'll be right there…"

Her face turned as red as her hair as she actually giggled like a teen girl. She smacked his chest and told him to behave as she walked away.

He took a drag from his square and grinned, "Don't act like you don't call him daddy…"

My mouth dropped open and Brandon's eyes got wide as he laughed, "I didn't tell him that, I swear…"

I didn't really care but it was more of a shock that he actually spoke about us like that to people.

But then Lexi came walking up hand-in-hand with her girlfriend.

"Sorry, B, I may have let that slip. Tequila makes me talk."

So, Brandon talks to Lexi about our sex life.

Oh my God, he has a fag hag.

She introduced me to the girl wrapped around her as they leaned against the fence. Her name was Dion and she was a fluffy black girl with short hair and dimples. She was totally butch and that made me wish I would've worn my black boots instead of my old Converse. But I had worried it was a little too flashy and didn't wanna bring attention to myself.

But those boots are freakin' awesome.

I finish my first beer and start on my second as we begin to eat. There aren't many plastic chairs in the back so Brandon pulls me on his lap as we eat. It's kind of difficult to eat barbecue with his dick pressed against my ass but somehow I manage not to make a total mess.

Brandon is mostly quiet but he laughs and listens and I'm impressed. This is really, really good for him.

I'm getting along great though. I have a lot in common with Lexi, Dion, and Sig. They're really cool and I can be myself around them without feeling weird.

The guys are nice too and never give me strange looks unless they're razing me and Brandon about some weird kink but Sean readily admits that there's nothing wrong with dirty, freaky shit…

Music is blaring and it's an equal mix of old gangsta rap and classic rock, the boys and Lou Anne are playing poker at the kitchen table while the girls take me out in the back yard to smoke a joint because all of the people playing poker are on paper.

Well except for Sig but apparently his dad drug tests him once a month and threatens to stop paying for his school if he ever fails.

I ask Brandon if he cares and he just grins and tells me to hit it for him too.

Lexi smiles as she sparks it up, "Brandon's a good guy, Brady. He cares about you a lot…"

My face is gonna crack from the grin I'm wearing, "I know. He told me he loved me last night for the first time…"

I am rewarded with an abundance of giggles and claps and it feels awesome to say it out loud.

After we smoke and chat a bit, we head back inside and Brandon pulls me on his lap as he plays. I'm a little stoned and a little tipsy but not out of control.

It just feels really, really good.

But that's probably because I'm sitting on Brandon's lap.

Brandon whispers in my ear, "So what are ya gonna give me if I win?"

I chuckle and whisper back, "Congratulatory blowjob on the way home."

"Damn, what if I lose?"

Giggling, I lean into his ear and whisper, "Consolation blowjob on the way home."

I'm a nineteen year old guy. Blowjobs are pretty much perfect for every occasion.

Yay! Blowjobs!

That gets me a laugh and an 'I love you' in front of everybody. I return the sentiment, my heart soaring, and watch them play.

I don't really understand a thing that's happening but I take it that Brandon's winning because everyone keeps shit talking him and he's just sitting here with a grin.

"Why can't Sig ever win? When's it gonna be Sig's time damn it? You all suck. Sig needs to get laid. But women don't like Sig. Maybe 'cause he refers to himself in the third person. I'm pretty drunk now. Should probably go home."

Poor Sig was pretty well wasted, his head resting on his arms against the table. Brandon obviously won as he started stuffing the money in his pocket with a grin, "Well, it's been fun takin' all ya'lls money…we're gonna walk this poor bastard home now so he don't wake in some alley covered in his own throw up…again…"

Everyone just laughed us off and told us to be careful. By now I was pretty sober but thankfully Brandon still held my hand as we started through the back alley.

It was really dark except for a few random back porch lights and the few cars that would pass along on the street at the end.

Sig was doing okay walking, only stumbling every so often as we weaved through the alleys and side streets.

Brandon seemed to know where he was going though because on more than one occasion he'd point out that his house was the other direction. Sig would mumble then chuckle about how confusing this neighborhood was.

Finally we stopped behind a dark garage and Sig turned to us, "Thanks for walking me home, B. Stay cool."

He held out his fist and Brandon bumped it as he chuckled, "Get your drunk ass to bed."

Sig snorted and almost fell but managed to catch himself on the chain link fence to the back yard.

Then he bounced off the fence and threw an arm around me. It caught me off guard but he just laughed as he smacked my back once and pulled back with a fist bump…but then he started trying to do weird little secret handshake before snorting again, "I don't know any secret handshakes…I should go to bed now. Good meeting you, man. You're good…nice…I don't work tomorrow so yeah…probably won't see you again…ya know, until next time ya come down…'cause ya gotta come back 'cause I haven't seen this big mother fucker smile so much in the whole time I've known him than tonight…you're good for him…I'd be good for somebody…but girls don't like me…'cause they're all bitches man…okay well not all of them but the ones that don't like me…so yeah I guess that is all of them 'cause girls don't…oh my god, I need to go to bed…later guys, be careful…"

He gives us both one last man hug before stumbling past the gate and through the yard. We watch as he pops out a screen window before pushing the glass up and falling through with a loud bang and an audible "Ow…I'm okay…"

Brandon just chuckles as he grabs my hand and tugs me along.

I shiver as a gust of cool wind blows through the night and Brandon squeezes my hand, "You cold, babe?"

"I'm okay. We'll be back in your truck soon."

But being the chivalrous boyfriend he is, he tears off his hoodie leaving him in only a white wife beater as he pulls it over my head. Of course, I don't resist one bit because it's huge and warm and smells like him.

I push up the sleeves and grab his hand again as we start to walk, "Thanks Brandon. Are you sure you're not cold?"

He nods his head and stops a second to light a cigarette before we take off again.

"Nah, I'm fine. You have fun tonight?"

I hope he can see how big my grin is as I look up at him, "The most fun I've had since…well, last night."

We both laugh and I squeeze his hand, "No, really, I had a blast, Brandon. Your friends are really nice."

He chuckles and nods, "Yeah, they're…different. Helps me feel…less awkward I guess cuz they're a bunch of nut jobs too…"

I just smile up at him as he grins back at me, "Yeah, my friends are nut jobs too, though they're mostly your cousins so you know about that already…"

We finally make it back to the truck and take off for home. But we make a quick detour at Taco Bell and while we're munching and talking, I can't help but enjoy the familiarity of it all.

"I don't like it."

"Brandon, you're being silly! I'm nineteen years old and I think I can handle the bus."

"Don't care. Don't like it. You need to learn to drive."

I rolled my eyes as I swallowed down my tacos.

"It's not a big deal, I can't even afford a car anyway…"

His blue eyes were looking at me as he sighed, "I can help ya get a car babe. I'm makin' a little better money now and I ain't got that many bills…"

"Brandon, there's no way I'd let you get me a car and it doesn't even matter because the bus is fine."

Eddie had a different schedule going into our next year and he wouldn't be able to pick me up for my first class anymore. But I could take the bus or walk, I don't know why he was insistent I learn to drive.

"What are you afraid of, Brady? What's got you so spooked you won't even try?"

I crumble up my taco wrapper and stuff it into the bag with a grumble, "I just don't like it…"

He raised a brow and gave me that look…that look like he knows there's a reason and I just won't spill. It doesn't take me long to crack under the pressure.

"Ugh, fine. I was in a car accident when I was six. It was pretty bad and I was stuck in the hospital for like two weeks with a broken leg. I just remember how bad it hurt when they were setting it and I don't know…the thought of driving just freaks me out a little…"

His pretty blue eyes softened as he reached over and squeezed my knee, "I'm sorry, Brady. That musta sucked. But baby you can't let fear stop ya from livin' your life. You mean to tell me that you wanna go through the rest of your life without ever drivin' some fancy sports car or chillin' in a Caddy…hell, Sean's gonna sell me a bike and I'd really like to go ridin' with you someday. You'd be killer on a bike ridin' next to me, babe."

My cheeks flushed as I thought through those images and they seemed like completely ridiculous things but…also kinda like the coolest things ever that I would kill to do.

But in the end embarrassment won out, "Brandon, I can't do those things…I could ride bitch on your bike or chill in some Caddy that you were driving but…"

I choked mid sentence when he leaned over and just grabbed my dick through my jeans and huffed, "What the fuck is this, Brady? What do I got in my mother fuckin' hand right now?"

I'm pushing against his hand and biting back a moan, "My dick. You've got my dick in your hand."

Now he smiles as he starts giving it little squeezes and rubs that have me squirming.

"That's right. I got your dick in my hand, Brady. You're a man, babe. You ain't got no pussy and you ain't no bitch. I fuckin' love Disney movies. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite. Does that make me a girl cuz I like that shit? No, it fuckin' don't. So what, you like some girly shit but you ain't no girl and you ain't gotta be afraid to do guy shit that you wanna do, babe. You're a fuckin' man…got your dick in my hand, see…"

He's totally right. There were a lot of things I kinda wanted to do but won't even try because I'm scared of looking stupid.

I mean, kids made fun of me for being girly but they were even worse when I tried to do normal boy things. Like when I used to go to the football games to watch my friends and I would get teased that I was only there to watch the hot guys in tight pants…which, okay, total bonus but I do actually really like to watch football.

I love the sense of team and I love the aggression. I could never really be aggressive in life so it was fun to watch other guys get to.

And here was this big strong sexy man holding my dick in his hand…my dick.

I am a mother fuckin' man.

"You're right. Will you teach me? To drive, I mean? Carlisle was gonna teach me when I was fifteen but that was the summer that everything happened with Eddie and Jay and he kinda got distracted."

He beamed at me as he leaned forward and gave me a little kiss, "O'course…let's throw this shit away, first lesson's right now."

I started to protest but he gave me a look that made me hold back my tongue.

A few minutes later I was sitting behind the wheel of his big ass truck, hands sweating and knees shaking.

"I don't know if I can do this…it's so big…"

Brandon chuckles as he scoots next to me and puts his arm across the seat behind me, "That's what he said…"

I swallow the lump in my throat and rasp out a weak, "Ha…the man's got jokes…I'm gonna get us killed but the man's got jokes…"

He leans into my ear and whispers, "You can do this, Brady. I ain't gonna let you get hurt and you ain't gonna look stupid. And so what if you do, it's just you and me, princess. Relax."

I let out a deep breath and follow his instruction but the minute the truck roars I'm slamming on the brake and shaking my head as the anxiety just drowns me, "I can't…"

His hand is on the shifter, putting the truck in park but then he leans between my legs underneath the seat. It slides back as he whispers, "Put the steerin' wheel up and raise your ass…"

My heart is thumping but I do what he says as he slides in underneath me. I'm very, very warm as he settles me on his lap, his hands over mine on the steering wheel and my legs draped over his, my feet on top of his on the pedals.

His scruff tickles my neck as he whispers, "You can do this. I'm gonna help you cuz I might just need a getaway driver someday…"

I break out in goosebumps as I giggle and lean back into him, "Oh yeah? Would we run away to Mexico?"

He chuckles, low and raspy as he kisses the back of my ear, "Yeah and won't it be fun to freak out the locals when they realize I'm the one that knows Spanish?"

We keep talking as he puts the truck in Drive and pulls forward very slowly. The parking lot is big since it's close to the highway but it's virtually empty right now so we have a good place to drive around in circles.

It's weird, the feeling of power I get from the truck makes me nervous but Brandon helps ease my nerves as he chuckles in my ear about how he basically learned to drive on that trip to the hospital when Jeremiah broke his leg as a kid. It was the first car he ever stole and the first time he ever drove one but somehow he managed to get Jeremiah to the hospital in one piece but a few mailboxes and trash cans hadn't been so lucky.

And when I'm ready, he slides back to his side but keeps an arm around my shoulders as I take my first circle around the parking lot. It's kinda choppy and I brake a lot but by the fourth or fifth time, I'm kind of enjoying it.

By the time I'm doing a smooth circle, we decide it's time we better go home. But he promises that if I get a learner's permit, next time he'll take me out somewhere and we'll work on it some more.

When we get back to his place we grab a quick shower which leads to just getting dirty again.

We make love all night long until we pass out from exhaustion and in the morning, we make love again.

Breakfast is served in bed and we don't even move from it until it's time for him to take me to the airport. I just finish packing as Lexi shows up to drive again.

The trip to the airport is quiet, we're both clinging lightly to each other, not wanting to let go.

I wait until the very last second to whisper, "I have to go," against his lips.

He gave me one last hug, whispering in my ear, "Love you, babe. Be safe."

Holding on as tight as I could, I smiled against his cheek, "Love you too. I'll text you when I land and call you later."

And then I was gone, leaving my heart in Texas.

It was like a bad country song.

But even though I was sad about leaving, at my core, I was really, really happy. I had worried sometimes that the distance between us would break us apart but this weekend just seemed to prove that the distance didn't matter.

We were in love with each other. And I believed that love could conquer everything.

I spent the flight stuck in memories and was still floating on air when Alice picked me up.

Of course I told her everything that happened and squealed when I told her he said he loved me. Then I called Suzie. And Eddie. And texted Rose.

I was thoroughly exhausted by the time we got home but I was happy. The pain of leaving hadn't really hit me until I was unpacking my bag to throw my laundry in the washer and found an envelope that read, "Princess."

Tearing it open, my mouth drops in shock as I pull out three hundred dollars and a drawing. It's a caricature of me and Brandon on Harley's with the Mexico border in front of us and red and blue lights behind us.

I snort I'm giggling so hard and then I turn it over to see his messy scrawl.

_Here's the money I won in poker, maybe you can use it for another plane ticket soon cuz I miss you already and your lying right next to me. I love you, Brady. Thanks for coming back to me. _

My heart just melts and I'm instantly hitting my contact list.

"Hey Princess."

"Hey Brandon, I just got in. I got your note. Thank you. I'll look at my schedule at the coffee shop tomorrow and the first chance I get, I'll be back."

Things were going to start getting hectic for me at work soon with moving in with Suzie and having to pay more bills so I needed to get back as soon as I could.

"Yeah? You're gonna come back again?"

I laugh as I flop on my bed and snuggle to the phone, "I'll always come back for you, babe. Until I don't have to because you'll be here."

"I love you, Brady."

"I love you too, Brandon. So what are you doing?"

"Um, watchin' TV…"

"Oh my God, that's Beauty and the Beast in the background!"

"Uh, yeah."

"What channel?"

"Family Channel."

I grab my remote, flip on the TV and settle in. We stay on the phone through the whole thing and at the end I sigh, "Ugh, it's so romantic. So, um, wanna get on our computers and talk dirty…"

There's a ping on my laptop and I smile as he chuckles, "You still got that cheerleadin' skirt?"

I practically fell out of my bed as I ran to my closet…

**A/N: Things are going so good with our boys! Hope they don't stumble into a valley soon…**


	22. Chapter 22

**So hopefully I still have some readers out there *squints eyes and looks around***

**I'm very sorry for the update fail. I'm just gonna be honest, during the holidays I hit a pretty bad depression (as many of you know I lost my daughter 5 years ago and the holidays are really hard for me.) So when I started coming out of that, my in-laws got very, very sick and the hubby and I were having to help out a lot. Then the hubby's back went out so I've just been so freakin' busy I barely have a moment to even think, let alone write. Things are getting better so hopefully you never have to wait for an update like this again.**

**Anyway, thanks for checking this out and I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

**Playlist: The Kill (Acoustic Version) by 30 Seconds to Mars and Falling by Florence and the Machine**

**Brandon's POV**

The last few months had been crazy. _Good _but crazy. It was weird havin' people to always talk to and places to go. My family was always callin' or textin' me, my friends were always swingin' by to drag me outta the house, and Brady was always right there on the other side of the screen or phone.

But late at night, when it was time to go to bed, I was still fuckin' lonely. I went to bed alone and woke up alone. I hated it.

It's not that I ain't used to sleepin' by myself cuz I been on my own pretty much all my life. What I ain't used to is havin' someone who _wants _to be with me when they wake up in the mornin' or me still wantin' them there too.

When I was a kid, it weren't no big thing to go out and find some girl that would let me fuck. Bein' a teenage guy, ya always run around tryin' to stick your dick in anything ya think might feel good cuz gettin' off was always a good thing, even better if it wasn't by your own hand but that's all it was, a quick fuck. It usually ended with me just tryin to sneak out 'fore they woke up cuz I didn't wanna be there. The point is that I didn't really _sleep _with no one cuz the thing about fallin' asleep is that it leaves you vulnerable and I don't trust people that much.

Most people thought I was more trouble than I was worth and I was fine with that.

Then I fell asleep with Angel the night I stole that car and drove to Mission. That was the first time I ever just _slept _with someone I cared about. That was when I realized I was really in love with him, instead of just thinkin' I might be. We slept atop that old hood all wrapped up in each other and I slept like a baby.

We weren't fuckin' and hadn't even seen each other for a few months 'fore that night but I stopped sleepin' around…that was hard though so I started drinkin' a little more, poppin' a few more pills, even snortin' a line or two…whatever I could get my hands on cuz fuckin is a stress reliever and without it, I had to ease my stress other ways.

But none of that lasted too long cuz drugs made me careless and I got busted.

And since I got busted and thrown into Juvie, I never saw Angel again cuz he killed himself a few months later.

He finally admitted he loved me and I went and fucked it all up and then he was gone.

When I finally got released from prison, the first thing I did was fuck cuz fuckin' is a stress reliever and ssomethin'' I could do 'sides drugs since I'm on paper…

But fuckin' didn't really work no more. I mean, I could still buck like a god damn work horse but it didn't really help my stress as much. I still did it cuz it was still better than by my own hand cuz even though it didn't work as good, it was still _ssomethin''_ to relieve my stress, if only for just a few minutes.

But I can't have that now.

I can't go about town fuckin' strangers cuz I'm in love with Brady but he's like a million miles away so I ain't gettin' to fuck him either. But I'm doin' okay with it. I went a long time without while I was in prison so I can go without fuckin' for awhile.

That's the strange thing about fallin' in love…it takes away the urge to just stick your dick in other stuff.

I still had the need to get my dick wet but only the finest little cocoa ass was gonna do.

It was a little scary when I realized that my dick only wanted Brady, I mean, honestly I expected havin' to fight it down cuz he tends to have a mind of his own sometimes but this time, my dick and my brain both agreed…Brady was all we wanted.

Maybe that's what love was. When you wasn't at war with yourself concernin' him.

I figured all this out 'bout a week 'fore Brady come down to Texas to see me, I had been dragged out to some club down the street by Lexi, her girlfriend, and Sig…

_Sig let out a dramatic sigh as he swirled his Jack around in his Coke, "This place blows. Like literally. There are five guys getting blowjobs right now within my immediate peripheral. We've been here for over an hour and I've been bought like four drinks. I should be the sixth guy, Brandon. I should be the sixth guy in this room getting head. Gay guys love me! Why am I hooked on a girl that will never, ever want me? Why don't I like the D? It would make my life easier, ya know?"_

_Takin' a pull from my beer, I shook my head, "Don't know, man. Life's fucked up. Might have a better time meetin' people if you didn't hang out in the gay bar all the time with a girl that only likes pussy."_

"_I know, right! Ugh, stupid Lexi and her fucking piercings and tattoos and bitchy, bossy attitude. I think I need to check out a BDSM club. I think I have a total Sub fetish. Where would I find one of those? Do you think the Internet has listings in the Houston area? Or, oh, maybe someone here knows! That guy over there with the dog collar on licking that guys ankle looks like a good bet. I'll be right back."_

_Siggy stumbled off as I took another pull from my beer and chuckled in amusement at the fucked up little dude. It's really too bad no girl had snatched him up yet. He was funny as fuck. _

_Since I was left alone for a minute, I pulled out my phone to check and see if Brady had texted me yet. He had gone out to some club with Eddie, Jay, and Suzie._

_I smiled as I opened the pic of him sittin' in the dark club with a glass of Crown and Coke, holdin' up a napkin that had a picture of a heart drawn on it with the words 'Miss you,' written real pretty in the middle. He had a sweet drunken smile on his face and his pretty caramel eyes were glazed over ssomethin'' fierce._

_Smilin' like an idiot, I grabbed the pencil stickin' outta Lexi's purse and started drawin' a picture of two guys doin' it doggy style, one with a tiara on his head, on a napkin then scrawled out at the bottom 'Miss you 2, Princess.' _

_Then I fumbled with my phone for like five minutes tryin' to get a decent picture. Stupid big fingers and tiny buttons always fuckin' with me._

_Once I finally hit send, Lexi came back to the table to slam back her drink and I told her she'd have to watch her purse for a minute so I could go take a piss since Sig had abandoned ship and was now in what appeared to be a pretty deep conversation with some guy in heels and a platinum blonde wig._

_I hope he knows that ain't a girl._

_I trudged through the club, head down and my hands shoved in my pockets as I made my way back to the bathroom. After takin' a quick piss, I washed my hands and ignored the sounds of slappin' wet skin comin' from one of the stalls. _

_This place was ghetto as fuck and I had to make a mental note to never, ever bring Brady here._

_I left the bathroom, hopin' I'd get home soon so me and Brady could get down and dirty on Skype. I was so glad I finally knew what a fuckin' Skype was._

"_Hey there, big guy."_

_This young guy came outta nowhere and I nearly drew my fist on him, the stealthy little bastard, but he just smiled up at me as he swayed on his feet._

_Shovin' my hands in my pockets, I rolled on the balls of my feet and gave a small smile, "Uh 'scuse me…"_

_I was gonna try and walk around him but the little fucker just stepped in front of me again and put his hand on my arm, "Where ya goin' so fast, sexy?" _

_Looking down at his hand on my arm, I cocked an eyebrow and mumbled, "Uh, back to my table. I got a…"_

_Boner. I got a boner as he leaned in and palmed my dick through my jeans while he whispered, "I don't care 'bout no guy you got waitin' on you at home, baby. I just wanna suck you off real hard and real dirty right back here in the corner where no one can see us. Your little boyfriend don't ever have to know. So, you want the best head in all of Texas, handsome?"_

_By this point, I was backed into the dark corner and my dick was rock hard cuz fuck yeah I wanted a blow job. I wanted a blow job so fuckin' bad my balls ached._

_But not by the best lil' dicksucker in all of Texas…by the best one in Seattle._

_My lil' dicksucker. My lil' Princess with the phat ass and pretty cocoa skin, that's what I wanted. _

_I took my hands outta my pockets and gently stopped the boy as I scolded him, "You shouldn't be beggin' to give total strangers head in the back of a club, kid. There's a lot o'bad guys out there and don't you wanna, ya know, be in love with somebody 'fore ya put their dick in your mouth? Or, I don't know, at least know they're name? A cute lil' guy like you should be makin' these boys 'round here work for it. I'm gonna go back to my friends now but you be safe, okay?"_

_The kid looked at me like I was crazy and maybe he was right cuz the old me never woulda turned that down. _

_My dick was still painfully hard but he wasn't mad at me for goin' all PSA on that guy and he didn't fight me to get in that guy's mouth so we were finally on the same page._

That's when I figured out I was really, truly, all the way in love with Brady. Cuz instead of gettin' my dick suckedwhen no one woulda ever known but me, I didn't. I went home and jerked off to pictures of Brady since he didn't text me back until the next mornin'. Apparently he passed out at the club. Jay sent me a picture of him drooling on the table that his little face was smushed against.

He was adorable.

I was actually pretty proud of myself. Maybe I could do this love thing.

Maybe me and Brady could really work out.

But then I kept havin' dreams 'bout how I fucked up with Angel so bad.

::

_Angel shoved up his bedroom window with a huff as he stuck his head outside and grumbled, "What the hell do you think you're doing, Brandon? It's four o'clock in the god damn morning…"_

_I squinted my eyes and cursed the big, Texas moon for bein' so god damn bright. Shovin' my hands in my pockets, I shrugged, "Nothin'…just thought you might wanna, ya know, hang out?"_

_Fool around…_

_His lips pursed together as he mumbled in Spanish underneath his breath before those pretty brown eyes snapped to mine, so on fire they made my skin burn, "Oh my God, are you fucking high?" _

_With a huff of my own, I glared at him, "The fuck are you so mad about? Why you bein' such a bitch?"_

_I definitely had ssomethin'' wrong with me cuz when he leaned out the window and twisted his hand in my t-shirt, yankin' me forward with a growl…my dick stood right at attention._

"_Call me a bitch again and I'll rip your god damn throat out. If you wanna see me, pendeho, then you will show up at my house at a fucking respectable hour. Or at least not reeking of cheap liquor, so high on god knows what…your pupils are so blown that I can't even see the blue in them. So, turn around, go home, get some much needed sleep and come by when you're fucking sober or don't come by at all 'cause I'm not playing these stupid little games with you, mi loco guero. Comprende?"_

_Stumblin' back a bit when he let go, I couldn't stop the full on grin that came to my face as I nodded, "Okay, Angel. You're right. Sorry for bein' a dick. I guess I'll see ya tomorrow...today…whatever. Sweet dreams."_

_He finally let out a little huff of laughter as he shoved his window back down, rollin' his eyes and mumblin', "Fucking crazy white boys…"_

_I started to go home. I wanted to listen. But I got sidetracked by Heather Minks. Or at least my dick did. Cuz I felt bad after but I just couldn't stop myself from lettin' her drag me off to the alley and suck me off behind someone's garage._

_He heard about it the next day and avoided me for two days after that. When he did finally talk to me again, it was pretty obvious he was high. His pupils were blown and he was sloppy as he shoved his art supplies in his book bag._

_Leanin' over the art table, I whispered, "I'm sorry, Angel, shit's hard right now. Are you okay?"_

_His black eyes snapped to mine as he gave me a pissed off sneer, "I'm fine, Brandon. I've spent the last two days listening to that skank Heather talk about how totally awesome it was having your big hands in her hair and fucking her god damn face. It's not that I care about who you fuck cuz I really don't. I don't love you so it's not that I'm jealous. It's just that all she talks about is how good your dick is and how the rest of you is absolutely worthless…"_

_That made me cringe away from him as I whispered, "You don't love me?"_

_I figured he would or already did. I mean, he kissed me like he loved me. At least that's how it felt. Or how I guessed bein' loved might feel like._

_Hangin' his head in his hands, he pulled his fingers through his pretty hair and sighed, "I'm not in love with you and you're not in love with me. If you were, you would've went straight home and if I was, I would care more than I do that you didn't. Anyway, I have to get going. I have somewhere I need to be. See ya around, mi loco guero."_

_But I felt like maybe I did love him. I wanted to tell him but shoved my hands in my pockets instead as I huffed at the ground._

_He threw his backpack over his shoulder as he stood to leave but I just didn't wanna let it go like that so I grabbed his hand as I sat back on the stool to be eye level with him._

"_Wait, where you runnin' off to? And what are you high on, Angel?"_

_With a roll of his pretty brown eyes, he pulled out a bottle of pills and flashed them at me long enough to see his name on the label but not what it was, "It's okay, they're prescription. And I gotta go 'cause my little sister, Melita, needs me to braid her hair before her big gymnastics competition tonight. So, see ya."_

_Then he was gone, rushin' out the door. And I ended up fuckin' some girl that worked at Taco Bell…I don't remember her name, I just called her Taco Bell…_

The dreams keep happenin' and it starts wearin' me down and I just keep waitin' for shit to go bad cuz it does, it always does.

And life doesn't disappoint me. Well, I mean, it _does_, but it don't.

Turnin' my head, I see a woman that looks just like my mama…well, I mean, if my mama was clean and sober and completely different.

This woman was dressed nice with her blonde hair all done up and walkin' with a little boy and girl, maybe five and six years old, all cleaned up nice too with big happy smiles on their faces.

Even her voice sounded different, not old and haggard and mean as she smiled down at the little boy, "It ain't that much further, son. Daddy's probably already waitin' on us."

It couldn't be my mama. My mama didn't sound like that or look like that or act like that…

But then her eyes raised to mine and once I saw a spark of recognition then, just like that, the warm eyes melted into an icy stare made that I recognized all too well.

I didn't mean to say a word but I stepped forward and choked out, "Mama?" 'fore I could even stop myself.

A quick glance around and she stepped closer, holdin' onto the kids tighter as she hissed low, "I ain't your mama. Don't you _ever _speak to me again. I got my life together with a real man and two beautiful perfect children and I ain't 'bout to let some little worthless skeleton fall outta my closet and ruin the rest of my god damn life. You and your daddy took enough from me, you ain't gettin' no more. So, next time you see me, you just turn the other way, boy, cuz I'm dead to you."

There was my mama. Mean and evil and never pussy-footin' 'round the point she was tryin' to make.

The little girl tugged at her pant leg and pointed at me, "Who's 'at, mama?"

With a cold, dead glare, she looked at me as she tugged them along, "Just a mistake, baby. It was all just a mistake. Let's go see daddy now, okay? How 'bout we stop for some ice cream on the way home."

The little boy and girl jumped with happiness as she dragged them away from me but the little girl kept peekin' over her shoulder through blonde curls.

My mind was just racin' as I wondered how the fuck my mama got clean and sober? Who the fuck were those kids? Did I have a brother and sister? She was wearin' a big fancy ring so who the fuck was dumb enough to marry that bitch?

But apparently mama got her shit together. Apparently she was doin' real good now. Maybe I was the one draggin' her down. Maybe she hated me so much she couldn't bear the thought of bein' around me sober.

Maybe I was the reason she was so fucked up.

Maybe I'm the reason Angel was so fucked up. Maybe he woulda been okay if I had just left him the fuck alone.

What if I fuck up Brady too? What if I fuck up his whole life just like I did everyone else's?

Why the fuck didn't I say ssomethin'' to her? Why didn't I tell her that she was a fuckin' cunt and I was better off without her?

It pisses me off that here I am, yet again, takin' her shit and not sayin' a god damn word back. She's the only, and I mean, _only _god damn person I ever let talk to me like that. I don't know why I do it cuz then I hate myself after. I hate bein' weak and I hate that she can hurt me and _fuck_, I don't wanna feel this pain in my chest cuz she shouldn't be able to hurt me no more it's been twelve fuckin' years…

I squeeze my eyes closed, tryin' to reign in my panic and hurt and anger. I try to choke it all down but Lou Anne notices ssomethin'' off in me as the mornin' goes on. I can't even do my fuckin' job cuz my hands are shakin' and I'm knockin' the ink over and I feel like I'm 'bout two seconds from blowin' the fuck up. Lou Anne ends up tellin' me to take the afternoon off and get myself right. She don't seem mad but now I'm fuckin' paranoid about my job cuz if I fuck up again I could lose my job and then I could lose everything…

_Fuck, breathe, Brandon… _

I have to drag myself upstairs 'fore I say or do ssomethin'' dumb. Throwin' my ass down on the couch, I just sit there as my phone keeps annoyin' the fuck outta me. Brady's been textin' me for awhile cuz we ain't talked at all today and it's well past noon. But I don't wanna talk to Brady cuz he has this way of breakin' me down and I can't do that right now. I can't talk about this shit cuz I don't wanna.

Cuz it hurts. All of it hurts, the dull, hollow pain on the inside where my heart's s'posed to be, the shame of not bein' able to stand up to her once again burns through me like wildfire, and my bones feel like they're gonna rip through my skin cuz it's stretched so tight over 'em and I can't fuckin' breathe.

I wanna claw at my skin, tear it open till it bleeds just to relieve some pressure cuz I feel like I'm suffocatin' and…

_Breathe, fuckin' breathe..._

I dig my fingers into my scalp as I curl up onto the couch and fuckin' growl when my god damn phone chimes again.

Grabbin' it from the coffee table I damn near crush it in my hands as I turn it off and toss it back down. I gotta get outta here 'fore I break ssomethin'' or do ssomethin'' stupid but I'm scared to leave the safety of my place cuz I might go _out_ _there_ and break ssomethin'' or do ssomethin'' stupid.

Then I'm up, pacin' 'round my apartment, tryin' to decide what I should fuckin' do cuz my mind is goin' a hundred miles a minute and I feel like I'm gonna jump right outta my skin.

With a deep breath, I wrench open my door and take off for the gym. I keep my head down, hands buried in my pockets on the way so no one accidentally pisses me off by lookin' at me the wrong way.

The gym will be good cuz I really just wanna hit ssomethin'' but the bag at the gym don't hit back and that don't really help. So I spar with some guy who's trainin' for a fight and beat the shit outta him but that don't really help either. My arms feel like they're gonna fall off but I'm still all worked up and nothin' is fuckin' helpin.

So I storm off back to my place, still all antsy and twitchy and not feelin' any bit better. I curl back up on my couch but don't feel like doin' anythin' so I just sit there in the quiet and try to stop the storm goin' on inside of me.

I ain't sure how long I sit there but eventually the sun must go down cuz I'm just sittin' in the dark. I know I should get up. I know I need to move my ass and quit wallerin' in self pity but I can't fuckin' move. I feel like if I move a muscle, everythin's just gonna explode and I gotta keep in control so I just close my eyes and try to control my breathin'. But I've been festerin' all day and it feels like my arms around my knees is the only thing still holdin' me together so I'm scared to let go.

A knock on the door makes me jump and my heart is in my throat as I drag my feet across the floor to answer it. I don't wanna but I can hear Lou Anne hollerin', "Brandon? You in there, bub?"

She's probably already pissed at me for missin' work so I don't wanna make it worse by ignorin' her at the door of the place she's lettin' me stay at for free.

Cuz I'm a fuckin' loser. A god damn charity case. I didn't buy hardly nothin' in this place.

I take a couple deep breaths before pullin' it open. I don't look her in the eye cuz I don't wanna. So I keep them on the floor and don't tuck my hair back when it falls in front of my face.

"Hey, you okay?"

I just nod, eyes still on the floor as I drag a hand through my hair but let it fall back again.

"Well, uh, you might wanna give Brady a call. He called the shop a couple times, said he ain't heard from ya and he's awfully worried. Said your phone keeps goin' straight to voicemail. You sure you're okay?"

I nod again and rasp out, "Yeah."

My voice is rough and my throat raw from not talkin' all day. I clear my throat and mumble, "Sorry for him callin' the shop like that."

It's not like I need a god damn babysitter.

"It's no problem, hon. He just loves you, is all."

He really shouldn't.

I don't say anythin' and I still don't look at her as I nod again. I can hear her sigh before she speaks again and I know that sigh. That's an exasperated 'I'm tired of fuckin' with you' sigh. I've heard it a million times from a million different people.

"Alrighty then, I guess I'll be goin'. If ya need anythin', you just give me a call, okay?"

I wish she wasn't bein' so god damn nice to me. I don't deserve it. I ain't even man enough to look her in the fuckin' eye.

Noddin' my head again, I mumble "thanks" as she leaves. Shuttin' the door, I press my head against it as I take a few breaths. Hopefully she won't think I'm some ungrateful bastard and decide to kick me out on my worthless ass.

I pull away from the door and flip on the lights, eyes squintin' from the sudden brightness as I walk back to the couch. Ploppin' down, I grab my phone and turn it on to see a slew of texts and missed calls. Most of the texts are from Brady and they start out normal but end up frantic before I get to the last one that just says, "Please be ok. I love you."

It makes my chest ache cuz I'm a dick for makin' him worry but then again, it's probably better that he finds out now what kinda asshole I am so he can get out 'fore I fuck up his whole life.

Cuz I _will_ fuck it up. That's what I do, the only thing I'm good at.

My head is throbbin' and my stomach is all fucked up. I got thirteen voicemails and I don't even wanna listen to them cuz it ain't right that I'm makin' people worry 'bout me. I ain't worth the effort and they really should just let me go.

It's Saturday night and here Brady has spent all fuckin' day worryin' 'bout me instead of goin' out and enjoyin' himself like any other guy.

It pisses me off cuz I'm so fucked up that he has to call Lou Anne and send out a search party from half way 'cross the country.

He should just get himself a normal boyfriend. A good one that won't ignore him and that he won't have to worry about if he goes a day without talkin' to him.

I ain't ever gonna be that guy. I ain't ever gonna be good for him. For anyone.

My hands are shakin' as I grit my teeth and start to just turn the damn phone off again but it starts ringin'.

And I just can't stop myself as I answer it.

"Jesus Christ, can't I have one day off without you freakin' the fuck out and callin' my god damn job to check in on me?! I got a fuckin' parole officer already, Brady, I don't need another one!"

_Stop! Stop bein' such an asshole to him!_

I can hear his breath catch and then he stutters out in a small, soft voice, "I…I didn't mean…"

"You ain't gotta blow up my fuckin' phone and have people come check on me like I'm on fuckin' suicide watch or ssomethin''! I'm fine! I don't need a god damn babysitter!"

I can hear the shock in his voice, the hurt as he whispers, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

I wanna stop. I wanna never hear his voice sound so fuckin' broken and small but I just can't stop the hateful bullshit comin' outta my mouth cuz now that I've opened it, it's just boilin' over like a pot on a stove.

"Believe it or not, I am fuckin' capable of takin' care of myself…"

_No, I'm not…_

"I don't need your constant god damn worryin' 'bout me…"

_Yes, I do…_

"Go out with your fuckin' friends, get a fuckin' life! Just fuckin' leave me already!"

_Don't leave me, I'm so sorry…_

Finally his voice cracks through tears I know he's cryin' as he yells back, "I'm not going anywhere! And you can yell at me all you want, I'm still not going anywhere because I love you!"

"Well then you're a fuckin' idiot, Brady! Don't you see?! Ain't you got it yet? I thought you was s'posed to be smart!"

_Just hang up on me, baby…let me go…leave 'fore I tear you apart…_

"I'm not an idiot for loving you, Brandon! Don't _you_ see that you can't push me away! Just tell me what's wrong! Please!"

"I ain't gotta push you away, Brady, cuz you ain't fuckin' here! You're a thousand god damn miles away and you're better off there! I'd push you a million miles away if I could! All I gotta do is hang up this god damn phone…"

"But you haven't because you don't really want to…"

"You don't know what I want! You think cuz we talk on the phone and cyber fuck that you know me?! You don't know shit!"

His voice is wrecked as he huffs, "What the hell is wrong with you, Brandon? You _know_ this isn't about sex…"

"Ain't it? Did you really fall asleep last night?"

"What?! Oh my God, what are you talking about, Brandon?!"

"I'm just sayin' you jumped my dick like two days after we met so maybe this 'imaginary fuckin' ain't good enough for you."

"You _asshole_! Quit twisting everything around! It was like four days and I am not a slut!"

"You let me fuck you without a rubber in an alley."

I couldn't believe it when it came out my mouth but it was too fuckin' late to take it back. I spent all this time fallin' in love and this is the moment when the fall is over and I'm slammin' face first into the ground.

But the damage is done cuz he's sobbin' now and I fuckin' hate myself for goin' so god damn low. I know all about his first time and I just called him a mother fuckin' slut.

I'm just like her. God damnit.

His voice is softer now as he chokes out, "Please stop being mean to me…"

And when he says that, the pot's done boilin' and I'm just left an empty mess as I remember beggin' my mama for the same thing…to just stop bein' mean to me.

There ain't no stoppin' the ugly tears and I hate it cuz but I fuckin' deserve to feel like the piece of shit I am. Why would he ever love someone that's half a fuckin' man like me.

"Talk to me, Brandon, please. Tell me you still love me because I'm dying right now."

I clench the phone to my cheek as I scrub away at my eyes and choke out, "I love you. I do. M'sorry…so fuckin' sorry…"

I can hear the relief in his little voice as he whispers, "It's okay…"

But it's not okay. It's not okay.

My throat hurts from the screamin', it's scratchy and raw as I whisper back, "I didn't mean none of that, Brady…I'm so sorry…"

"I know you didn't. You wanna tell me what happened?"

I don't but I find myself sobbin' out what happened with my mama anyway and I just can't stop. I don't want him to see me like this, to see how much of a basket case I am…how much of a waste. I hate myself when I'm like this. It's why I don't talk and keep this shit inside cuz when I let it out, I'm like a god damn child who can't stop cryin' and clingin' to somebody to just fuckin' love me.

But why should he love me? I'm no good. I ain't a kid no more, I'm just pathetic.

"You're not pathetic, Brandon. The last time I ran into my mother, I wanted to run the other way. I stood there like an idiot while Suzie stuck up for me. Do you think I'm less of a man for it?"

I'm slumped back down on the couch now as I wipe away the last of the tears and mumble, "No."

"Well I don't think you are either, baby. You wanna know why?"

I pull out a square and sniffle, "Why?"

He giggles through sniffles of his own, "Let's get on Skype and I'll tell you. I really wanna see you, Brandon. Please."

I groan as I take a drag cuz I really don't want him to see me right now but I figure I owe him at least that and I really would like to see his face.

Opening up my laptop on the coffee table, I fire it up and a minute later, I see his pretty little face starin' back at me. Guilt immediately washes through me as I take in his ruddy cheeks and red, glassy eyes behind his glasses. His nose is pink and there's a pile of used tissues on the bed next to him and I'd do anything to just go back and start this conversation over and not be the reason they're there.

He smiles and I swear to God he's the prettiest thing I've ever fuckin' seen.

"Okay, so the reason I know you're not like that hateful wench is because you look like shit right now, babe. Your eyes are swollen and your face is tear-stained and I can't imagine your bitch of a mother has ever felt guilt like you're feeling right now. And I get that you feel guilty for blowing up at me, I do. That's what makes you better, Brandon. You know it's not okay and you're trying to change."

I take a drag and slowly exhale as I whisper, "I wanna change…don't wanna be like this. Don't wanna hurt you no more…you know I didn't mean that, Brady…"

"I'm tougher than I look, babe. I may be your princess but I'm still kind of like a ninja."

I don't know how he does it but he pulls a smile from me and it almost hurts my cheeks cuz it's like my muscles ain't s'posed to work that way.

But the smile fades as I look down at the ground and whisper, "You're too good to me…for me."

"No, no, no…you raise those pretty blue eyes and look at me, Brandon."

I do what he says and raise my eyes to look at him. And he smiles, his eyes wet like liquid amber as he says, "The people that love you are supposed to be good to you. Even when you mess up. All the time, baby, that's what real love is. It's unconditional. And you're a good man…"

"I'm not…"

"You are. Look at me…you are, Brandon. You're not a perfect man but you're a good one. None of us are perfect people, we just have to try to be the best that we can and hope that we have more good days than bad days. Hey don't look down, look at me…I love you. Whatever you're going through, we'll get through it together, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'm a ride or die kind of boy, babe."

That makes me laugh as he winks and grins so bright that he could shame the sun. My eyes are stingin', my throat hurts, and my head's poundin' but I'm kinda happy right now anyway.

I stub out my cigarette as I smile, "You're a down ass bitch, Princess."

He giggles, "Why thank you, babe. I take that as a compliment."

"I meant is as one."

"I know. I know you."

"Yeah, I think you really do. I'm sorry for puttin' you through so much bullshit, Brady. It's just been a really long day…"

"Do you want to let me go?"

"Never."

"Good, 'cause I don't plan on going anywhere. So, um…did you forget to eat today because I can hear your stomach growling and you were being an uber dick earlier."

He's a little shit…but he's right, I did forget to eat today.

So, I get up and heat up leftover fajitas from the night before while he runs to take a quick shower and before long, we're back on the computer, just talkin'. We talk 'bout all kinds of shit.

.

.

.

"Oh my God, Suzie is killing me! She's brought home three dogs today! I guess they were scheduled for euthanization and she couldn't bear to put them down. I don't know how she's gonna be a vet if she brings home every animal she comes across."

"You don't like dogs?"

"No, I love them! I mean, the long-haired ones mess with my allergies but usually my pills take care of it. It's actually pretty cool, I've never had a dog before. Look at this one! His name is Spartacus Whitlock-Seneca, I call him Sparty. He's feisty."

He holds up a little black and brown ball of fur and I just can't help myself.

"Aww, he's so cute!"

"I know, right!"

He nuzzles his nose against the little wet black one and smiles, "She found homes for the other two but we're totally keeping him. He's like our adopted love-child."

"He's adorable. I can't wait to see him. I ain't ever had a dog before neither."

"Aww, really? Well, he can call you daddy too, babe?"

He's just so fuckin' cute and…he just sneezed on the dog.

And it must be love cuz I still think he's really cute even covered in snot.

.

.

.

"So, Eddie and Jay took me out driving this morning. I'm getting so good, babe. I plan on having my license by the time you get here."

"Oh yeah? You gonna show me 'round that big city of yours, Princess?"

"Yup. I'm gonna take you on a date. They'll be doing the big Halloween exhibit at the art museum so I thought that would be fun. And there's this restaurant that I've been dying to go to but it's the kind of place you take a date to so um, how do you feel about dress shirts and ties?"

I grimace but find myself sayin', "In general, I'm kind of against it but I guess I'd make an exception for you."

But that smile…that smile is totally worth it and hell I might even wear dress shoes to.

.

.

.

"That's crazy. Two kids?"

"Yup. Little boy and girl, look like twins. It sucks, ya know. I never really wanted a brother or sister cuz I didn't wanna wish my life on nobody else and 'sides I had all my little cousins to take care of but…I don't know…might've been nice…"

"Are you gonna try to get in contact with them? They probably don't even know they have a big brother out there…"

"Nah. I'm gonna leave it alone. They're too young to be brought into that drama. If mama's got her shit together then that's a good thing for them and I don't wanna risk fuckin' it up. For them, not for mama."

He sighs, heavy and deep as he whispers, "You would be a really good big brother."

I shrug as I rake a hand through my hair, "Maybe. I want kids of my own someday though. How 'bout you? You want kids?"

His smile widens as he bites his lip and nods, "Yes. I mean, not until after school for sure but when I get older, yeah. I love kids."

"Me to. Is it dumb that I want the stupid white picket fence and little heathens runnin' 'round and a big, ol' dog that likes to sleep on the front porch?"

"No, it's not dumb, Brandon. Sounds pretty perfect to me."

.

.

.

"So, um, your petition to move up here is less than two months away. Have you um…ya know, thought about what you're gonna do about the living situation?"

"Yeah, a little. Jeremiah said he could hook me up with a job doin' construction with some guys he knows from work. That'd get me by till I can get a job in a shop. Eddie and Jay said I could crash in their guest room till I get up on my feet…"

"Or…you could just um…move in here with me. And Suzie. She said it was okay and everything, I already checked. But like, if you don't want to…I mean, I know it's like, a big deal…but ya know, if you wanted…"

And I grinned like a fool cuz my tummy was all woozy and my chest didn't feel so hollow as my heart pounded inside it like a drum.

"Yeah, I want to. Cool."

_Real smooth, Brandon._

But he was grinnin' like a fool too as he rasped out in a breathless little whisper, "Cool."

.

.

.

"Brady, fuck…fuck…Jesus, I can't…"

My toes were curlin' as I fisted my dick with one hand and clenched the other one in my hair behind my head as I watched Brady slide that purple dildo in and out of his ass.

God, that round, plump ass looked so good all spread open and that little hole puckerin' up around that dildo, clenchin' around it, pullin' it back in and fuck…I was so god damn jealous of that purple bastard.

White lightenin' ripped through my body as every ounce of energy and worry and stress got pulled out through my dick and I came all over my stomach.

I collapsed against the couch and watched Brady fall apart, comin' in thick white ribbons across that warm, cocoa skin.

He cleaned up while I just used my t-shirt to wipe my tummy clean. I looked out at the window and seen daylight comin' in. I was so fuckin' exhausted. I could sleep for fuckin' days.

When he laid back down, the boy looked wrecked. His hair was all over the place, his skin red from all the lovin' and his eyes bloodshot and tired. But he smiled lazily, like he was as dazed as me and whispered, "Nothing imaginary about that. I love you, baby."

I smiled back as I whispered, "Love you too, babe. Get some sleep okay? Call me when you wake up."

"Okay. Call me if you get up first okay?"

"Okay."

"Cool."

"Cool."

:::

So after all that, the next time I seen the doctor, I told her everything that happened. I didn't hold back. I needed to get better and to do that, I had to actually work at it. I mean, I had been goin' to therapy and those stupid anger management meetings but I hadn't really took none of it too seriously. I talked to the Doc but never really told her somethin'' deep 'cept for that first time when Brady was with me cuz I have this thing about trustin' people.

I generally don't.

But after the things I said to Brady I think I gotta do this shit better. So I closed my eyes and said the things I never wanted to say out loud.

"I got in me to be an abuser like my mama. It's there inside me like this ugly little thing that I can't tear off. I'm scared that I'm too damaged to be helped like I'm…like a dog that's been beaten its whole god damn life so all it does is growl and snap whenever someone gets too close. Cuz it don't trust nobody and maybe it ain't the dogs fault but we have to put it down anyway cuz it's just too forgone to be saved. I need help."

"Brandon, you're not too forgone to be saved. We've been throwing out life preservers; you've just finally stopped fighting the waves and latched on to one. Admitting that you need help is a big step."

"I don't wanna be like her. I don't wanna hurt nobody. Can you help me?"

"Yes, Brandon, I can help you. So let's talk."

"Okay."

.

.

.

"So, see I thought I loved Angel, I mean, I'm pretty sure I did but I was fu…sleepin' with just anybody. Does that mean I didn't love him? What kinda asshole am I that I didn't love him good enough?"

Dr. Lorenzo looked over top her glasses as she smiled warmly at me, "The kind of asshole that was fifteen years old, Brandon. You were a child, no matter what kind of 'grown-up' things you had been doing. I have no doubt in my mind that you loved Angel but loving someone as a mature adult and loving someone as a traumatized child are two very different things. Your lack of trust was debilitating to you in your younger years and just now you are beginning to develop stable relationships and build a solid foundation of people you trust. I'm proud of you. Telling Brady you love him was a really big step. How are you feeling about that?"

Shruggin' my shoulders, I looked out the window and sighed, "Good, I guess. Brady's…good…"

But guilt nags at me cuz Brady is too fuckin' good.

That's the thing with me, I need somebody to fuckin' call me on my bullshit and in-person, Brady totally does that but over the phone he just gave in to my nonsense all the fuckin' time.

Like callin' him at all hours of the night.

It's not like I always realized I was even doin' dumb shit like that till after the dumb shit was already done.

"_Brandon, you okay babe?" his soft voice was raspy and sleepy as he whispered into the phone._

"_Yeah, I just…just needed to hear your voice. Sorry to call you so late…"_

"_S'okay, babe. Did you have a nightmare again?"_

"I did. But that's no fuckin' excuse for what I do. I wish he'd yell at me, tell me to stop bein' a fuckin' child and beggin' for his god damn attention so much that I felt it somehow warranted a phone call at four in the omethi'"

"But he doesn't get mad at you."

I sighed and shook my head, "No, he just tells me he loves me and struggles to stay awake while I rattle off about absolutely omethi' at all. It's bullshit and I hate myself when I finally hang up."

Even a couple days after our fight I called him. Cuz I gotta shitload of problems.

But I'm tryin' to do the right thing so I tell the Doc cuz she usually has pretty good advice and never tells me I'm unfixable or omethi'.

She says I'm tryin' to set myself up…tryin' to sabotage my relationship as it gets more serious cuz either a) I wanna push him away 'fore he hurts me or b) I wanna push him away 'fore I hurt him.

How 'bout c) all of the above.

I'm waitin' for shit to fall apart cuz it will. I know it will. It's how my life works.

Brady really is too good for me. I know this. I can feel it in my bones.

"He thinks I'm some ghetto prince that's gonna ride in on a big, black Harley and whisk him away to his happily ever after. He thinks I'm better than what I am. He doesn't get mad when I call him at four in the somethin' and he really should. It's not the nightmares that make me call…if I'm bein' real honest with myself, and sometimes I really ain't, but if I am, I know I call him cuz there's this really irrational side of me that wants to see if he's gonna put up with my shit. Is he strong enough to handle me when I'm bein' crazy?"

"So, it's like a test then? You're testing to see if he loves you enough to not be pushed away when you're being erratic."

"I guess, maybe I am. It's just…I don't know if it's somethin' in my blood or if I learned it from my mama but I'm always gonna be that mother fucker that goes a little too far if I'm bein' pushed. So maybe it makes me feel the need to see how far I can push people first…to test if they're gonna be strong enough to stick around without breakin'…just how much bullshit they're gonna let me get by with 'fore they put their foot down or run away."

I think all men, at their most simple form, are just fuckin' animals. We got this need in us to keep ourselves safe and we do that by barin' teeth or pissin' all over everythin'. If we bare our teeth and you run away, good. If you don't, then we're fightin'.

But before we're these vicious, snarlin' dogs, we're just little ol' puppies who wanna be cuddled, tucked in safe, and scolded when we're doin' wrong cuz we wanna do right. Your parents are s'pose to be the ones that do that for ya, that make ya feel safe and teach ya right from wrong but when ya grow up without it, you become kinda feral…kinda wild.

"Truth be told, I need a little fuckin' discipline sometimes, Doc. Sometimes I need someone to call me out on my bullshit and tell me that it's enough and stop bein' irrational and crazy and just go to fuckin' sleep already. For someone to be with me for the long haul, they gotta know when to put their fuckin' foot down."

Bein' in love with me is a full time god damn job and I hate that Brady's got saddled with it cuz he's much too sweet to get bulldozed by me.

"Didn't you tell me once that you are his first boyfriend too?"

I nod and she smiles, "Well, maybe he's just afraid of losing you if he pushes back. You do have a bit of a strong personality, dear."

Ain't that the fuckin' truth.

She just tells me to talk to him more and open up to him that it's okay to call me on my behavior if I'm I' outta line.

"So how are you doing with the lack of physical intimacy? I figure the months between contact with your boyfriend is probably weighing pretty heavy on you sometimes."

"It's not like I wanna fuck around with other people but I'd be lyin' if I said this thing with Brady was enough. It ain't, not physically."

I want more. Wanna take it, go all caveman and shit, runnin' to Seattle and draggin' his pretty ass here to stay…but I can't fuckin' do that.

And it ain't cuz of morality and shit, it's cuz I don't wanna go back to prison for leavin' the state.

"But I can deal, if that's what you're askin'. I ain't gonna cheat on him or somethin'; don't have no desire to be with nobody else. He's all I want."

"Do you have the same faith in him? Do you believe that he's going to stay faithful? Do you trust him?"

"I do but nobody wants someone to make their life harder. The whole point of havin' a partner is havin' someone to help make your life easier, right? Why would he even want me? I make his life harder."

Her grey eyes are kinda soft and it's sorta hard to see the trace of a smile as she speaks, "I think the point of having a partner is having someone you can lean on and talk to…someone who gladly shares the burdens and the joys in our lives. You assume you makes Brady's life more difficult but relationships are not that simple, Brandon. I'm sure in many ways you make it better. Remember how we talked about feelings of self-worth? As important as people are to you; your family, your friends, your partner…you are just as important to them. You provide them with just as much."

But other than somethin'g' free live porn, I wasn't sure what much good I done for Brady.

When I left for the day she gave me a few techniques to use when I started feelin' the urge to call Brady in the middle of the night. One, was slowin' myself down, countin' to twenty and breathin' real deep 'fore I grabbed my phone. Two, was somethin'' my sketchpad and drawin' out whatever I was feelin'. Three, was callin' her instead.

Which, yeah, that was just weird. No fuckin' way was I gonna call this lady in the middle of the night. I didn't really wanna speak with her in the day time.

Though, really I didn't mind it _that _much. She kinda reminded me of this woman CO that always sneaked me in Subway sandwiches when I'd get thrown in solitary for a few days, she was old but smelled pretty and talked real soft to me. I liked it, it helped calm me down.

I mean, I was doin' better. Not just, ya know, at bein' a productive member of society and shit but I was doin' better at this relationship shit too. We got through our first fight and even though I fucked up bad, he still calls me every day. He ain't run yet.

He loves me. And I might've picked a bad time to say it but I fuckin' told him I loved him and that's what matters most. That was a really hard thing for me to do cuz I got all these mother fuckin' issues…mama issues…abandonment issues…self-worth issues…authority issues…the list just goes on and on.

So yeah, I got a lot of fuckin' issues and it was hard to tell Brady I love him; not cuz I was afraid he wouldn't love me back or somethin' but more afraid that he would.

Cuz I really don't trust myself not to hurt him.

Not physically, I mean, I'd never in a million years lay a hand on someone like Brady, someone so soft and sweet and little. But I got a sharp tongue, a short fuse, and a long-proven track record of fuckin' my life up.

It was really only a matter of time 'fore I said or done somethin' stupid and fucked up this shit with Brady, and most likely hurtin' him in the process.

Doc Lorenzo says I got trust issues too but one thing I trust in, is myself to fuck up.

And we're back to self-worth issues.

It's a never endin' circle

:::

It's been a little over a week since our fight and things have been good…maybe even a little better. Brady don't treat me no different after I fucked up so bad and I'm really grateful for that.

Truth is, it some down ass shit for him to forgive me the way he did and not hold it over my head. I don't plan on ever givin' him any reason to have to forgive me for that kinda bullshit again though so that afternoon in anger management class, I actually take notes instead of doodlin' in my notebook.

Not gonna lie, I still think this anger management shit is just that…a bunch o'bullshit but whatever, I was still gonna try it cuz I'd try anythin' not to keep fuckin' up the way I do.

But it's hard cuz people are assholes and it's like they're tryin' to fuck with me when they pull out in front of me and don't use their god damn turn signal.

It's okay though, I breathe through it and by the time I get home, I'm just mildly annoyed.

I slam my truck door and pull out a square as I cut through the side alley to the stairs of my apartment. I'm just gettin' ready to light it when I hear a tiny little bark.

Raisin' my eyes, I see Brady sittin' on the top step with a big smile and the cutest little auburn pup.

In about two seconds, I've thrown down the cigarette and leaped up the stairs.

And it's been way too fuckin' long since I kissed those sweet lips so I do that first while I rub the pups head.

When I break away, we're both grinnin' as the puppy squirms.

"What are you doin' here, Princess? And who's this?"

I rub her between the ears and she stretches her little neck to me as Brady smiles, "I missed you so I got a couple days off so I could come visit. And this little girl is one of Suzie's refugees. The guy she had lined up fell through because he isn't allowed to have a pit bull in his building. I already checked with Lou Anne and she said it was cool. I mean, she's yours if you want her?"

He hands me the little ball of wriggly puppy and I ain't gonna lie, I held her to my face as her little puppy tongue licked me all over and then I fuckin' giggled like a dumb ass.

No one but Brady would ever see me fuckin' giggle.

But oh my God, she was adorable.

"Are you kiddin' me? O'course I want her! This is fuckin' awesome!"

Yeah, I'm a total dumb ass but I don't care.

"I thought she'd be good for you. Ya know, give you something to snuggle with when I'm not here."

And for the first time in a while, I'm really, really happy. Cuz I got a boyfriend that really does know me…and he loves me anyway.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello everybody. Gonna apologize profusely for the slow updates, I've just been insanely busy with RL. Thanks so much for still sticking around and I hope you enjoy this chap!**

**Brady's POV**

I heard him grumbling before he even rounded the corner so I cuddle little red to my neck and whisper, "Just be super adorable, little girl, it's his kryptonite."

She let out a little bark and Brandon's eyes snap up to mine. The look of shock on his face is priceless but then he giggles as he snuggles the puppy to his face and I am officially the world's best boyfriend.

The little brute is just as happy as Brandon because she's going insane, her pudgy little body wriggling full force as she licks all over his scruffy cheek then starts nipping at his chin.

And he just looks happier than I've ever seen and maybe I should be jealous that he can't seem to decide who he wants to pet more, me or the pooch, but I can't find it in myself to care because he's so beautiful like this that it takes my breath away.

The way his face lights up when I tell him that the puppy is his if he wants it, makes my heart seize and I'm pretty sure it's because I love him so fucking much it literally hurts sometimes.

He finally makes his decision as he presses his lips against mine and mumbles, "Is there, uh, somewhere we can put her for a minute so I can thank you properly?"

I wrangle the pup back into the cat carrier that I brought her in and she seems personally offended by it as she growls and paws at the mesh netting in front.

Brandon's chuckling as he unlocks his door and grabs my bag, "She's an ornery lil' thang."

I rush past him, placing little red on the ground before swiftly turning and grabbing him by the shirt. Leaping up on my toes, I snake my arms around his shoulders as I smile, "She's not the only one."

She barks for good measure and Brandon is still chuckling as he drops my bag, kicks the door closed and grabs two handfuls of my ass. He lifts me like I weigh nothing and I'm wrapping my legs around him while I launch for those lips I can finally reach.

I groan into the kiss, tightening my legs around him as I grind against his stomach. My fingers tangle in his long hair, tugging him back as I start to bite and nibble down his neck.

He huffs, hot and heavy against my cheek, his long fingers digging into my ass cheeks as he makes the most obscene grunts and sighs.

They fuel the fire as I try to climb even higher up his mountain of muscle until I latch my teeth to the sensitive spot behind his ear, knowing it will get me thrown to the bed and fucked stupid.

And for the love of all that is sparkly, I need to be fucked stupid right now.

The last few weeks had been Hell. I was just starting back to classes and working more hours at the coffee shop since Suzie and I had gotten our own place.

It was a cute little place in a pissy little neighborhood but we could afford it and it had a little backyard for Sparty.

Anyway, classes were a little tougher this year too and I'm not naturally brilliant like Eddie or as driven as Jay so I had to work really hard to keep my scholarship.

But Brandon scared the shit outta me last week when he had his little meltdown. So the moment I had a day off work, I dropped everything and came down here to see him.

He needs me and I really, really need him.

With glee, I giggle as he tosses me on the bed and begins to undress. His baby blues are heavy as his raspy voice huffs, "Clothes off, ass up."

That really shouldn't turn me on as much as it does but whatever, my dick is painfully hard in these tight jeans and it's a relief to take them off.

I shimmy outta them, keeping my undies on 'cause I know he likes to see them. Then I strip off everything else and quickly turn over, shaking my ass at him as he chuckles and palms himself through his boxers.

My underwear is pink and green like a watermelon with the word 'juicy' written across the backside. I'm expecting the bite that comes next as he sinks his teeth into my left cheek but I let out a yelp anyway.

Things escalate quickly from there.

He's yanking my briefs down and throwing them haphazardly to the ground and I'm barely back on my knees when I feel a wet, thick finger pushing inside of me. I grind back on it, begging for more and he obliges.

I spend so much time using my toys for him that I barely need the long drawn out preparation that Carlisle is so fond of advising us on.

So after a few minutes, I slam back on his fingers and whine, "Now, Brandon…please, baby, please…"

I'm already sweaty and trembly and the feeling of his thick, hot cock pushing inside of me nearly causes my knees to buckle.

And that purple bastard can go to Hell because my toys have nothing on Brandon.

He's so big and hard and warm and sweet baby Jehosephet, so god damn strong as he grips my hips and shoves all the way in.

My mouth opens, nothing but needy whimpers and desperate mewls escaping as he wastes no time in fucking me into the mattress.

The sounds of skin smacking and hard grunting are occasionally cut with soft breathless chants of my name as his fingers dig in hard enough on my hips to leave bruises.

This was exactly what I wanted…what I needed.

I brace my hands against the headboard and push back against him, taking him in as his rhythm stutters. He groans, head lying against my shoulder as I ram myself back on his cock, cursing and sputtering nonsense because it feels so fucking good that I wonder if I've stumbled into some fantastical adult Wonderland.

Hot, sticky skin slides against my back, the hard ridge of his stomach muscles clenching and his open mouth gasping against my neck lets me know that he's right on the edge.

I am too. My cock bouncing heavy and thick between my legs as the tip leaks precum all over his blanket since we didn't even make it underneath them before we were on each other.

He groans pitifully against my neck and I shudder from the desperation in it but then I'm the one gasping desperately as I'm suddenly being flung over onto my back. The mattress bounces underneath me as he pushes himself inside me again. His mouth latches onto mine as he ravishes it like he's a dying man and this is the last kiss he'll ever get.

And then I'm yanked up onto his lap as he fucks into me so hard that all I can do is breathe through him while I tried to hang on.

Brandon fucks like a God.

All muscles and sweat and strength…

One arm is wrapped around my ass easily holding my whole body, while the other hand clings frantically to the back of my head, fingers tangled in my hair as he kisses me for everything he's worth.

The bed is rattling fiercely and I really hope Lou Anne is playing some loud rock music today. But the thought barely has time to enter my mind until I'm thrown back down, his hips angling just right as he sinks into me.

My fingers skid along his sticky, broad shoulders and my heels dig into his ass as his hand finally wraps around my throbbing cock.

I break from his lips in a ragged gasp, head thrown back, eyes clamped shut as heat floods my body and I'm cumming so hard I can't breathe.

A few more stuttered thrusts from him and he pulses, hot and wet and I'm so fucking thankful that this is exclusive and we've forgone the use of condoms because there is nothing more earth shattering than the feeling of Brandon Whitlock cumming inside of me.

We lie there for a little while, coming down from our high. The puppy has finally relented to naptime and Brandon ends up curled around me, his head on my chest as I play with his sweaty hair.

It still amazes me that in moments like this, I'm the one holding him. But I love it. I love to have him in my arms; to know that I'm the one who comforts him and makes him feel safe.

Eventually he raises his head and grins up at me with baby blue eyes and I'm such a lovesick fool that all I can do is grin back and whisper, "Hi."

He chuckles, slides his hand over my chest leaving goosebumps in its wake as he whispers back, "Hey."

And then he's kissing me again, softer this time but just as desperate as his fingers hold my face and caress my cheek.

His scruffy chin scratches my flushed, sensitive skin as his long hair tickles my face. I grip onto his biceps, kissing him back as I relish the feeling of his skin beneath my fingertips and how it's so real.

When he pulls away this time, I note the dark circles underneath his pretty blue eyes and the crinkles in the corner that are deeper with worry. I run my finger along them, wishing I could erase the stress that caused them but hoping that a long time from now he'll remember them as laugh lines.

Really, they're the only reminder that he's so much older than me because underneath the tough exterior, lies a boy who is still very child-like.

Brandon needs to be nurtured. He needs to feel loved. He needs to be told that he's good and beautiful and worth everything in the world.

I'll gladly assume that responsibility.

"I can't believe you're really here. How long you stayin'?"

_Aw, crap. _

"Um, actually I have to work in the morning so I have a late flight tonight."

The smile falls from his face as he huffs, "What? I don't even get a whole day with you?"

Guilt eats away at me as I sigh heavily, "I'm sorry, Brandon. It's the best I can do. I already blew off class this afternoon to get here. I just can't really afford to miss work right now."

His head falls back to my chest as he latches onto me and groans, "This sucks. I just got you. I ain't ready to let you go yet."

Brushing my hand through his hair, I whisper, "I know. I'm not ready either. I, um, brought enough food for the puppy for the night so maybe we can just stay right here until I have to go?"

He nods against my chest and turns his face towards me with a small smile, "I can't believe you got me a dog."

I brush his hair back and shrug, "I thought it might help, you know? Suzie said that petting a dog is really therapeutic."

_And Jay said that it might be good for you to have something to take care of…_

That dimpled grin makes me all fuzzy as trails his rough fingertips over my chest, "I'm glad you came. I really missed you, Princess."

My heart melts as I scratch his scruffy chin and smile, "I missed you too, Brandon."

He rubs his face against my palm and it makes my heart stutter before my stomach growls and ruins the moment.

His lips tickle my belly as he ghosts kisses across it before pulling himself up on his elbows, "Guess I better feed ya. Go on and get cleaned up. I'll make us somethin'."

I lean down and kiss him once more before he slides out of bed and yanks on a loose pair of basketball shorts. They're his favorite ones. Then he slips on his house shoes and shuffles over to the kitchen. He always wears house shoes too, a habit he picked up from prison because, ya know, foot diseases and nasty stuff on the floor.

I take a moment to watch him working around the kitchen before I reluctantly pull myself up to go to the bathroom and get cleaned up.

A sneeze comes from nowhere, then another as my eyes start to water and I groan because I sooo forgot my allergy medicine.

Grabbing a washcloth, I wet it and wipe myself off before rubbing at my eyes with my palms. I really should take out my contacts but I look like such a dork in my glasses.

I sneeze again as the bathroom door swings open. He smiles softly as he puts my contacts case and glasses on the counter and pulls open the medicine cabinet. He grabs a box and pushes it in my hand, "I'll get you a glass of water."

Then he kisses the top of my head before he leaves again.

I look down at the box of allergy medicine in my hand and smile at the way my heart flutters.

Let it never be said that Brandon Whitlock is not thoughtful as Hell and a damn good boyfriend.

By the time he comes back, my glasses are on and I throw my arms around him for a quick kiss before taking the medicine, washing it down with the water he brought me.

Not much later, I'm wrapped up in his hoodie that I practically drown in but it smells like him and it's so warm, I love being snuggled in it.

He's made some strange concoction of Doritos and ramen noodles that sorta resembles a taco salad but he calls it a slam.

"It's when you just slam a bunch of shit together. Prison thing. It's good, I swear. Try it."

The puppy is now curled up in the bed with us, chewing a toy as Brandon pets her little head and smiles at me.

It actually _is_ pretty good and he beams when I eat a second bowl.

I'm so warm and full and fully sated as we lay there and just talk for hours.

.

.

.

"You've got some new work done…" trailing my fingers down those sinfully big arms, I smile as he ducks his head and blushes.

Then my eyes zero in on the words weaved into the shadows and I trace them as I whisper, "Sail away with me, to another world…"

He's bright red now and I'm floating, "Oh my God! That's from the song we sang together in the truck! The Dolly Parton/Kenny Rogers song!"

Looking away, those cheeks are crimson through the scruffy, dark blonde hair, "Uh…yeah."

Then his pretty blue eyes get wide as he smiles and rubs the pups head, "Oh hey, how 'bout Dolly? Dolly's a diva, right? This little girl is a total diva…just like her papa."

He grins and now I'm the one turning red as I reach out and scratch her ears, "Dolly's a great name for her. 'Cause Dolly's a diva but she's also real, ya know? Well, maybe not _real_ real. I mean, like, probably 85% of her is plastic and paint but on the inside she's real. She's tough and spunky, is what I'm trying to say…just like her daddy."

It's absolutely ridiculous how big we grin at each other but it's nice to know that whatever this thing is that we have, we're in it together.

.

.

.

"I've got this huge project due at the end of the semester, it's totally stressing me out. I have to come up with a presentation of modern art and show how it evolved into what it is today. It counts for, like, half of my grade so it has to be amazing."

He was sitting on the floor, smoking a cigarette as Dolly ate.

"You got any ideas yet?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I sigh dramatically as I flop down on my back and hang my head off the bed. Resting it on his shoulder, I groan, "I mean, I've got a couple, like maybe modern day comics like The Walking Dead or…I don't know."

"How 'bout tattoos? They're art, right? Damn near every person that walks through the door has a story to tell 'bout why they want what they want. I mean, there's always those few that just wanna be cool and get inked when they turn 18 but most people do it to express somethin' they love or somethin' that happened to 'em…there's always a story. And the people in the Holocaust got tatted, like serial numbers…and um, slaves used to be branded?"

I turn my face to his as my mouth drops open and then I'm jumping up, bouncing as I grab my phone from his nightstand, "Oh my God, Brandon, that's perfect! Why didn't I think of that? You're a freakin' genius!"

His face is red but he's smilin' as he tucks his hair behind his ears, "You really think it's a good idea?"

I tap out a quick message to Lou Anne asking if I can stop by and take a few pictures for a school project then I toss my phone on the bed as I throw myself in his lap on the floor and proceed to kiss all over his beautiful face.

"Yes!" *kiss* "It's brilliant!" *kiss* "You're so smart and so good…" *kiss* "I love you." *kiss*

"Love you too."

*kiss*

.

.

.

"Holy guacamole, Brandon. It is absolutely ridiculous how talented you are."

I was seriously in awe as I turned the pages of the tattered old notebook that was on his nightstand. I had grabbed it to jot a few notes down about my project but it was filled almost full with pencil drawings.

They were dark, etched so deeply into the pages that some nearly tore through. They were from the point-of-view of a prisoner, the thick lines of bars obstructing the views of decrepit walls and disfigured shadows taunting him. I flipped through the pages as the images changed, but the view behind bars didn't. There were images of a man with a gun to his head…a boy hanging by the train tracks…little boys with guns in hand running from the police…

None of the images were detailed like his normal drawings, they were all done in harsh lines and smudgy shadows. They were hauntingly beautiful and I could feel the sense of anger and the feeling of being caged, trapped and powerless, unable to do anything but watch the horrible scenes unfold.

He ducks his head down as he picks up Dolly, "Oh, um…that's just somethin' the doctor wanted me to do when…um, like when I have nightmares. It's no big deal. I'm gonna take her out to go potty."

I snuggle into his pillow with my back against the headboard as I continue flipping through. These drawings were like nightmares come to life. And the entire book was filled with them.

Leaning over, I grab the box of colored pencils from my backpack and flip to a clean page in the very back of the notebook. Then I start drawing.

.

.

.

"Who's lilgent84 and why's he sendin' you a message bout somethin' wicked this way comes?"

I looked up from where my head laid on his thigh while he played with my phone.

"Oh, um, that's a story from fanfiction. It's amazing!"

"The fuck is a fanfiction?"

After a lengthy discussion on the wonderful world of boy porn in literary form found on the internet, Brandon was intrigued.

"So, it's like a love story 'bout witches and vampires and shit? But with two dudes?"

"Yup."

"And when they sex ya'll call it lemons?"

"Um, yes."

"Huh. And there's like, wow, there's like a lot of this stuff huh? It's pretty popular."

"Yeah, people love a good love story."

"Does this stuff turn you on? You beat off to it?"

I choke a little on my own spit and shake my head, "No! I mean, yeah it turns me on but I don't masturbate to it. I've got you to get me off, babe."

He smirks as he hands me the glass of water with a lemon in it sweating on the nightstand, "I can't write worth a shit but I got a big dick. How's your throat, by the way?"

I take a sip and rub at my neck as I blush, "I think you'd write a fantastic lemon. And my throat's fine, just a little raw."

Looking much too pleased with himself, he smiled, "It's cuz my dick's so big, huh?"

Running my tongue over my bottom lip to lap up the wetness, I hope the smirk I give is sexy as I look up at him over the top of my glasses, "Mmm, yeah it is."

"You should write a lemon bout it."

He pulled it out of his basketball shorts. It was already half-hard as it stood thick and tempting. Handing him the glass, I scooted up on his thighs, peppering them with kisses as I whispered, "The boy had never seen such a magnificent cock as he approached it with an eagerness to taste but a trepidation as well because this Whitlock boy was packing serious heat that was sure to leave his throat burning and raw. Yet he could not deny his need to taste his lover again…and again…and again…"

"Fuck, you're a kinky lil' fucker…"

I hummed around the plump head of his cock in agreement and enjoyed the burn.

.

.

.

"What're you gonna do, Dolly, huh? You're just a little ball of fur…"

Brandon had the puppy's face palmed as she licked and nipped his fingers, wriggling around on the bed like a little maniac. Brandon was grinning and laughing as she'd jump around, yapping and barking with that little tail wagging a mile a minute.

She eventually relents and lets out a big yawn as he fucking giggles again, scooping her up and letting her settle on his belly.

I'm pretty sure I'm just a puddle of goo by now as I lie down next to them and rub her soft fur, "She wore herself out."

He smiles over at me and extends his arm for me to scoot closer so we can cuddle.

Once I'm wrapped warm and safe in his big arms, I continue petting Dolly's little head when he whispers, "I love you, Brady."

I look up from his chest and lift my hand to brush down his cheek as I whisper back, "Love you, too."

My eyelids are so heavy and I'm so warm and full and comfy that I don't resist the urge to just lay my head on his strong, fuzzy chest and rest my eyes for minute.

.

.

.

Something's licking my cheek. It's kinda furry…could be Brandon…

I jump when it nips my nose.

Holding my nose, I blink down at Dolly as she jumps and yips, apparently very proud of herself for waking me up.

"No bite, Dolly…"

Brandon's eyes are barely cracked open as she nips at his chin. I stretch my arms above my head as I yawn and that's when I note that it's dark outside.

I grab my phone from the nightstand as I rub my eyes underneath my glasses, trying to get them adjusted from sleepy time.

Then my stomach drops as I groan, "Shit, Brandon, I need to leave in like thirty minutes to get to the airport in time. I can't believe we fell asleep. I need to call a cab and get my shit together/"

Damn it, I'm so fucking mad at myself for falling asleep and wasting precious time but God he was just so warm and comfy and it felt so good to just _be_ together…

He sighs, long and heavy, before pulling himself out of bed and mumbling about taking the dog outside to potty.

I start scrambling to pull my clothes on but my jeans are tight and it takes a minute to wiggle into them since the sleeves of Brandon's huge hoodie keeps sliding down over my hands.

When I finally yank them up, Brandon walks back in with Dolly snuggled to his chest. He rakes a hand through his hair and looks over at me, "Don't call a cab. I'll drive you."

My mouth drops open because he has never felt comfortable to drive me to the airport on his own. He always worries he'll get too confused and frustrated by the traffic and crowds.

"Are you sure?"

"Um, yeah. Lexi gets off work in 'bout ten minutes. She said she'd watch Dolly so I could take you. Don't wanna leave her here alone, she's just a baby."

His eyes drop to the floor and he looks so god damn sad that the next thing I know, I'm letting out a breath as I fling to my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck and mumbling against his lips, "Fuck it, I'll call in tomorrow."

He pulls back just a little and looks at me with those blue eyes that just look straight through me as he whispers, "You sure?"

Smiling, I nod, "Yeah. It's not a biggie. I've been there awhile and have never called in so I think I can play hooky this once. Besides, I don't have to be there until 3:00 on Sunday so I can stay the weekend."

He grins, big and beautiful as he leans down to kiss me. Against my lips, he mumbles, "Wanna go back to bed then?"

_You bet your sweet ass I do._

.

.

.

The next day is wonderful. I wake up wrapped in big, strong arms and even though it takes me twenty minutes to break free so I can go pee, it's totally awesome.

He wakes up shortly after and we have a breakfast of Frosted Flakes while watching Lock Up on TV. We take a quick shower because Dolly goes apeshit when we put her back in the kennel/bag/thing.

Then we go out shopping for doggy supplies and he lets me drive his old truck. It makes me a little nervous but the pet store isn't too far away and he wants to play with Dolly so I do it. And actually I find that I kinda like driving something big.

Which, yeah, totally no irony in that thought.

But anyway, the day is perfect.

We get Dolly everything in pink because Brandon insists that she's a lady. But he does opt for the pink collar and bowls and bed that have the cool black skull and crossbones because even though she's a lady, she's still a badass.

On the drive back to his place, we go through the drive-thru at Taco Bell and stop at the park to eat. We sit at an old worn out picnic bench as Dolly nips and yaps at our feet begging since Brandon gave her a bite of his burrito in the truck.

And by bite, I mean he actually let her take a bite out of his burrito which…gross. But he says that dogs mouths are cleaner than a human's because of something in their saliva…

That doesn't really make it sound any better to me but whatever, he's gorgeous, sweet, and fucks like he invented that shit so I can deal with a little dog spit.

After the park, we drive back to his place and stop by the shop. Lexi and Lou Anne dote over me and Dolly while Sig tries to play it cool but it doesn't take long before he's down on the floor playing with her like he's five. Brandon joins him.

It's really good though because while Brandon and Sig play, I'm able to get some pretty good pictures for my project. Lexi has this shabby little teddy bear with a missing button eye on the back of her left shoulder that was for her baby brother who passed away when he was just two years old. She said he dragged it everywhere and when her mother tried to wash it, the eye fell off. They went out and bought him a new one but he refused to give up the ugly, old bear. She said that it was her reminder that there is nothing more important than loyalty and that you could be loved unconditionally even if you weren't pretty.

Lou Anne had a tattoo on her back of a set of baby footprints, like the inked ones they get done at birth. They were from her son's birth certificate and a reminder to her that he was real and had left an imprint on her life, even if he now wanted nothing to do with her.

Tripp showed me his tattoo of the Dallas Cowboys logo with XXX across the bottom that I initially wrote off as some kinky football porn but he told me that his dad took him to the Super Bowl. It was Super Bowl thirty (hence the XXX) and it took place in 1996. His dad died in 1997. The Super Bowl was the happiest he had seen his dad before the cancer got worse and he withered away so that's what he wanted to remember when he thought of his dad...him happy and healthy and ogling the cheerleaders from two levels up.

And then there was Bones. The big, surly biker guy who had a heart on his bicep with his grandkids names in it.

Brandon was right. Every picture I took told a story.

Tripp offered to cover Brandon's shift for the night so we went back home to his place and spent the rest of the evening just hanging out together. We watched TV and played with Dolly. We ordered pizza for dinner. He painted my toenails in a variety of Wet-n-Wild colors he bought especially for me. And I added to the tattoos on his bicep with a magic marker, weaving my own quote into the shadows.

"What's that say?"

I smile up at him from where I'm draped across his side, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."

He twists his arm to get a better look, "That's kinda deep. You come up with that?"

"Um, no. It was Confucius. He's an ancient Chinese philosopher."

Tracing over the ink, he repeats the quote and smiles, "You're really somethin' good, you know that, Brady?"

Lowering my eyes, my cheeks burn as I shrug it off, "I'm okay I guess."

But then his big hand is pulling my chin up as he stares at me with those amazing clear blue eyes, "No, baby, you're a whole lot better than just okay. You're superfly."

And then we're grinning like fools again.

By the time we actually fall asleep, we're both covered in colored marker and sweat and cum. He penned my ass _Property of Brandon Whitlock_ in all the colors of the rainbow and I was gonna mark his dick as _Property of Brady Seneca_, Lord knows I had plenty of writing room but since I planned on having it in my mouth again, I decided to mark his heart instead.

In the morning, we shower vigorously…well, we fuck vigorously in the shower then take our time washing each other.

My flight is at noon and it hangs heavy as I pack up my things. I hadn't planned on being here that long so I didn't have enough clean clothes. Luckily, Brandon still had my 'Like a ninja' undies I left here months ago. He kept my 'Juicy' ones though.

And he insisted I wear his navy blue hoodie home. It was way too big and probably looked really funny paired with my glasses and skinny jeans but I felt good in it. It felt like I was in high school again but this time instead of being alone I was wearing the captain of the football team's varsity jacket…who actually happened to be the sweetest, most wonderful boyfriend in the whole world.

Sig came up to Brandon's place to watch Dolly while Brandon took me to the airport. The drive was quiet as I cuddled underneath his arm and against his chest while he played with the hair at the nape of my neck.

I was really sad. I hated leaving him.

He was a little agitated by the time we found a spot in the parking garage, having taken the wrong exit twice and getting turned around. But he still held my hand and carried my bag as we walked in the terminal.

Then when it was time to go, he held my face in his hands and kissed me slow and deep with not a care in the world to the crowd around us. When we pulled away I was breathless as he stroked my cheek like I was the most precious thing in the world.

I vaguely heard some people snickering and shot a nervous glance behind me but Brandon's strong fingers guided my face back to his as he mumbled against my lips, "Don't care 'bout nothin' but you right now, Princess. Kiss me good-bye."

So I did. Flinging my arms around him, I scrambled to my tippy toes as I held on tight, kissing him until I was dazed and weak in the knees.

He held me steady until I was stable on my feet again then he smiled but it didn't reach those pretty blue eyes.

"I love you, Brady. Thanks for comin' to see me."

Scratching at the scruff on his chin, I smile back, the same sad smile.

"I love you too Brandon. Just think, two more months of these sad good-byes and we won't ever have to say good-bye again."

He closed his eyes, leaning into my palm as he whispered, "I hope so."

They called for my flight to begin boarding and I leaned close against his chest cursing the hot tears that stung my eyes.

He hugged me tight for a moment before pulling away and shoving something in my hoodie pocket while he kissed me one last time.

Then he whispered, "Bye, Princess."

I pulled out a thick envelope from my hoodie but he just smacked my ass and laughed, "Open it later. Go on now, Brady. Be safe and call me when you land."

With my bag on my shoulder, I heaved a heavy sigh and walked away. Before I reached the gate I turned back around to give him a little wave and smile which he returned with a smile that didn't reach his eyes again. But then I tripped and stumbled over nothing. Luckily, I caught myself before falling and rasped out an enthusiastic, "I'm okay!"

That got me a dimpled grin and a beautiful laugh as he called out, "Like a ninja, babe."

I gave him one last smile and sadly turned away to board my plane.

I'm kind of in a daze as I take my seat. Trying to fight back the tears I want to cry, I stare out the window watching the clouds roll by as I long for the warmth of Texas.

My mind is just kind of blank, head stuck in a fog and chest numb like my body's here but my heart and soul are still with him.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly exhale and try to just deal with the pain of being torn in two. And I didn't mean the pleasant ache in my bottom.

Then I remember the envelope in my pocket so I quickly fish it out, curious because Brandon has never really written me a letter or anything. I knew he was very self-conscious about his handwriting and grammar skills though I thought the little notes he left me were always adorable.

The envelope was thick and my fingers trembled as I opened it. I pulled out a wad of money wrapped in a few notebook pages.

"Damn it, Brandon," I mumbled to myself because I hated that he gave me money. I mean I loved it, it was really thoughtful but I didn't like taking from him. I always found a way to get by and yeah it was hard coming up with the money for a plane ticket on $8 an hour and bills but it made me feel like such a child.

He's been through enough lately though so I'm gonna let this one slide for now but damn it, I need to find a better paying job. I shoved the bills in my jeans pocket, secure in the knowledge that they were so tight I wouldn't lose it. Then I opened the letter and had to bite my lip to keep from giggling as I read over the delightfully messy scrawl.

_My Lemon to Brady_

_I was sittin on the back porch miday watchin the rain smokin a square, when my man came out cryin with a distraught look. I through the square down and said whats wrong, princess?_

_He said that his throat hurt while slowly holdin his neck. I gently came in for the kinky neck kiss move and he backed up sayin you did this to me your dick is too big!_

_I said I was sorry with a concerned look while tuckin my hair behind my ear cuz I know he secretly gets off on that shit. it worked because he stepped forward and whispered It doesnt mean I don't wanna suck it no more._

_I started to rub my fingers through his hair, looking up at him while bitin my lower lip. He came in closer we started kissing slowly working towards the door as the thunder made a crashing noise it was fitting as I could feel our heartbeats through our chests they were racin in uniaicense rythem together as one._

_he pushed me against the wall with his strong lil' arm and went down on me and gave me a kiss on my tummy. Then he looked up at me and smiled at me whisperin 'I love you, daddy'. (don't judge me)_

_I ran my thumb over them pretty dick suckin lips and smiled "I love you, princess then I pulled my dick out it was startin to hurt from not havin room in my pants cuz it was so big._

_I pushed his head down a lil' too see if he wanted to suck it and he went with it cuz he's awesome like that. He was such an eager lil puppy, lappin at the head and stickin his tongue in my dick hole til I relaxed my head back against the wall and closed my eyes._

_I could feel every slurp down my shaft slowly up and down as the thunder crashed all sexy and shit._

_I griped my fingertips into the wall and gasped for air letting out a slight moan "Dont stop" He grabed my ass and thrusted me into his mouth the nut leakin out lil by lil till that move sent my Dick convolsing and I came hard all over that handsome lil face of his._

_He licked it up clean and even though I just came hard as shit I still planned on fuckin him up against the wall cuz he had a phat ass and that shit was mine._

_The end_

_I know this is corny as shit but I love you princess and you always make me feel good even when your hurtin cuz my dick is so big you still take it like a champ! Feel free to jerk off to this_

_For real though, I love you like crazy boy. Come back to me as soon as you can I miss you already_

_Love,_

_Brandon_

_ps. dont be tryin to correct my broken english just let me verbicate this shit the way I do I aint all fancy and smart like you_

_pss. i really like that your so fancy and smart_

_psss. and your ass is fuckin phat_

_pssss. you got some toast to go with that jelly?_

Holding the letter to my heart, I couldn't stop the stupid grin that made my cheeks hurt at the thought of Brandon writing his very own lemon just for me. It was really out of his comfort zone and it made my heart skip a beat that I was able to pull him out of it.

By the time the plane landed, I was still in the clouds.

Eddie could see it all over my face when he picked me up from the airport.

"That is what I like to call the, 'I've just had a Whitcock and it was heavenly' face. I take it you had a good time."

I chuckled, bumping his shoulder as I looked up at him, "I'm not walking this way 'cause I think it's cute, Eddie."

With blushing cheeks he smiled at me before sighing, "So, how is he doing? I felt horrible when I heard about what his mother did."

My heart ached as I took a deep breath, "He's doing okay. I mean, he's getting better, little-by-little. I hate that nasty wench. Speaking of nasty wenches, how's Jay recovering from his mother's visit?"

His mother, Linda, had popped up a few weeks ago out of the blue after not having any contact with him for the past two years. I guess they got into a big fight about her not coming to his wedding. She fed him a story about needing to get away from an abusive boyfriend so he offered her a place to stay. But in the morning she was gone again along with $500 he left out on the counter to see if she'd really changed at all.

Sadly, it appeared she had not.

"He's…struggling. He tries to hide it by submersing himself into his studies but I can see it in his eyes…the hurt and disappointment. Yesterday he went on a rant about how he should become a cop so he could legally beat the people that deserved an ass whoopin'."

Chuckling, I followed him to the car, "Hey, if he becomes a cop just think of all the kinky things you can do with handcuffs and his nightstick?"

He laughed as his cheeks burned red, "I have thought about it. Immensely."

Eddie drove me straight to the coffee shop where thankfully I had an extra work shirt to change out of Brandon's hoodie. I called Brandon on the way and he was getting ready to head into work too.

My boss didn't give me too hard of a time for calling in but my shift was dreadfully slow as I daydreamed about him moving here and how awesome it was going to be when I never had to leave him again.

We talked later that night before I passed out from exhaustion and barely made it to my first class in the morning. But I trudged through.

I was counting down the days when I could see him again but between classes and work, I always felt stretched so thin. I concentrated on the fact that soon this would all be over and he would be here permanently and we could really begin our everyday lives together.

That's what I was most excited about; just hanging out together watching TV and playing with the dogs…just waking up every morning to him and playing with his hair every night until he fell into a peaceful sleep.

But I kept busy the following weeks, working on my project and staying afloat in the rest of my courses. I got Jay and Jeremiah to model for a few pics for my project; Jay's angel wings and the portrait of JJ on Jeremiah's forearm that had the words _Daddy's Boy_ underneath it.

And as the time for Brandon's hearing drew closer, I found myself bubbling over in anticipation and it made focusing on anything else nearly impossible.

My phone chirped and I smiled when I saw the text.

_2 weeks princess 2 fuckin weeks_

I quickly texted back as I sipped my latte on my break.

**I know! I can't wait! Has everything been going okay?**

_Yeah I gess. Been doin my anger managment and therapy bullshit so thats gonna look good_

**Yay! I'm so proud of you baby! Just think, two weeks from now we'll be cuddled in OUR bed!**

_Countin down the days babe ;) gotta get to work but I call ya later. Have a good day princess. Love you!_

**I love you too Brandon 3**

Slipping my phone back in my pocket, I sighed as I returned to studying for my art history exam. I was deep into the Post-Modern Impressionistic period when I heard a strange voice.

"Mind if I sit?"

Without looking up, I mumbled, "Sure, no problem." It was mid-afternoon on a Thursday and the coffee shop was always packed and running out of seats from all the kids cramming for their Friday exams.

I continued reading and taking notes even though I was pretty familiar with most of this stuff. But this exam was big and I had to be ready, especially since I hadn't really been studying as much as I should have but a young man has to have some down time. And I spent most of mine talking to Brandon.

"Art major?" the man spoke again and I noted that he didn't particularly sound like a student. Lifting my eyes, I briefly recognized the man as a frequent coffee shop customer who always wore the most impressive suits so I offered a smile.

"Oh, um, yeah. Big art history exam tomorrow."

The man's gray eyes rolled as he took a sip of his coffee. Then he smiled as he leaned forward a little, hands clasping on top of the table.

"I remember those days…I do not envy you."

I chuckled as I raked a hand through my hair and pushed my glasses up, "Yeah? Well I do envy you. That suit is fantastic. Do you get them tailor-made? Every time I see you you're so well put together."

I wished I could be like that. Just slick and exuding charm like I'm worth a million bucks.

"Yes, I do have them tailored. Thank you for the compliment. But sadly, I do not pick them out. I trust my tailor to make sure I match properly. I'm color blind so my fashion skills leave much to be desired."

Aww, that was sad. I'd hate to not be able to see all the beautiful colors of the world.

"Well, I have excellent fashion skills. I'm just lacking the bank account to properly exude them."

He chuckled as he took another sip of his coffee. Then he extended his hand, "I'm Oliver."

Wiping my sweaty palms on my stupid khakis, I then shook his hand and offered a small smile, "Brady."

His cheeks darkened as he laughed nervously, "I know. We've met before. I've never actually introduced myself but we ran into each other a few months ago. You were on your way to take a final. And I've spoken to you every time I come in here but I don't think that has really registered until this very moment, has it?"

Shit, I hope he didn't think I was a total douche bag but I vaguely remembered him at all. I see lots of people here everyday and although I knew he was a regular, I didn't remember actually speaking to him before.

I'm shit at customer service.

"Oh, um, yeah, no, I remember. Totally."

That made him laugh outright as he scraped his fingers through his short, dark blond hair.

"It's a good thing you chose art as your major. You'd be an awful lawyer. You're a terrible liar."

I blushed as I looked back down at my history book, "Um…sorry."

"No need to apologize. We've formally met now so maybe next time you'll remember me."

_Fuck, what was his name again?_

"Oh yeah, for sure. Sorry, I've just been distracted with classes and work and stuff."

Then I felt his hand slide over mine on my book as he spoke, "Your mind really is racing at warp speed. I can practically see the wheels turning every time I look in those pretty brown eyes."

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

My eyes snapped to his as I gently pulled my hand away. I was totally speechless. Why was this guy flirting with me?

I think I was shell shocked as I sat there frozen until he smiled and spoke again, "Would you like to have dinner?"

Automatically, I rattled off a breathy response, cursing the way I sounded, "Um, yeah I was gonna get McDonald's on the way home 'cause you know, McNuggets, but I've still got two hours on my shift."

But I was kind of nauseous now.

He chuckled as I closed my book and started loading up my stuff.

"I meant with me, Brady. Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?"

Scrambling to my feet, I made only a small commotion as I threw my bag on my shoulder and tried to smile like I wasn't rendered with complete confusion, "Oh, that's really nice of you but I'm actually with someone. We've been together for a while and I really love him so um…thank you but no. I'll see you around the coffee shop again though and I promise to remember you next time um…Oliver."

_That's it!_

With a warm smile, he nodded as he looked up at me from his seat, "It was a pleasure to finally meet you, Brady. Good luck on your art history exam."

I offered one last smile before I headed back to the break room. Dropping my bag to the floor, I leaned against the wall and sucked in air. It felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest as I peeked around the corner to see him leaving.

I couldn't fathom that _that_ man had actually asked me out. I mean, yeah, he's quite a bit older, late 30's, but damn he was fine and dressed so sharp.

It was kind of nice to be noticed after years of being ridiculed or ignored but there was no man in this world that could pull me away from Brandon.

It was a nice stroke to the ego but that's the only thing that man would ever stroke.

Pulling out my phone, I sent Brandon a quick text.

**Just wanted to say how much I love you and miss you and can't wait to hold you in my arms again.**

Letting out a deep breath, I pulled myself together and stepped back out to the cash register when my phone chirped.

Discreetly I pulled it from my pocket to glance at the message when my heart just melted.

_Sail away with me to another world…_

I would learn Spanish, smuggle myself across the Mexican border and go by Pedro Sanchez for the rest of my life it meant I'd get to be with him any sooner.

But just two more weeks…two weeks...fourteen days...I don't know how many hours because I really suck at math...

_Oh Goddess of all that is holy...please let it be just two more weeks..._

**A/N: P.S. My hubby wrote the lemon at the end cuz he's the shit. Love you my baby!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Okay so I have a couple songs I listened to while writing this…Trouble by Coldplay and Sometimes (I Wish) by City and Colour. Also, inspired by the Tupac song 'Fuck the World.'**

**This is a really long one. For someone who doesn't say a lot, Brandon sure has a lot goin' on in that head of his. **

**I wanna also thanks to you guys for all the lovely reviews. I love reading them and appreciate all the kind words. A big thanks to my wonderful beta Nan who helps me dig deep with these boys. **

**Hope you all enjoy.**

**Brandon's POV**

Time flew since the last time Brady came to visit me and I could hardly believe that it was finally fuckin' time to get this shit done with so I could get movin' on with my life.

I mean, I guess I _had_ been movin' on with my life since I was released. I had a good job that I really liked and I was actually fuckin' good at. I had clients and shit, my days were always full. People requested to be inked by me and it was pretty fuckin' cool to be wanted like that.

I had friends. Like real friends. Lou Anne and Sig and Lexi were some of the nicest people I ever known and I was really gonna miss them when I was gone. I owed the world to Lou Anne. She had become almost like a mama to me. If she wouldn'ta took a risk on me, fuck knows where I'd be. And Lexi, with all her tats and piercings and hair color that changed every week, had become kinda like a sister to me.

I ain't never really been close to a girl before cuz most times they just wanted to fuck me and cut out but I didn't have to worry 'bout that with her. She didn't want nothin' from me but just to hang out sometimes havin' a few drinks with her and her ol' lady. She never got mad when I'd cut out early with some bullshit excuse cuz I really wanted to just go home. She made me laugh with her sarcastic, sassy-ass mouth but when I'd have a little too much to drink and start ramblin' on 'bout my life like she was some kinda god damn shrink, she'd just sip her drink quietly and listen. She didn't offer advice or try to fix me, she just let me be and didn't judge. I dug that about her. Besides, she had her own demons to.

And Sig, that mother fucker was just about the funniest little shit I ever knew. I'm pretty sure he abused his ADHD medication and would never get laid but he was a cool ass kid. He had this sharp wit and dark humor that would leave me rollin'.

Doc Lorenzo was okay too. She pushed too much and got on my nerves sometimes but she had been helpin' I guess. Sometimes she was kinda funny and sometimes she'd let us sit outside in the courtyard so I could smoke so I guess she was all right.

So yeah, I suppose I had been movin' on with my life but now it was time to get the fuck outta Texas and…shit, start over again.

Which, yeah, when I thought about it, it kinda scared me shitless. I mean, I had people, family even. But Jeremiah was the only one I was really close to. I loved Suzie to death and we were close but not like Jeremiah. And Jay, I loved him too but I hadn't really known him since he was a kid. We talked every now and then these last few months but he was busy with school and work and his boy.

Eddie actually texted me a lot though. Usually just some crazy quote that made me laugh or made me think but it was nice cuz it meant he thought enough about me to think to send me a text.

Carlisle and Esme were damn fine people to. Esme sends me cookies and cupcakes and calls me like once a week to just shoot the shit. The woman loves to talk and I didn't mind listenin' to her. Carlisle called in every once in awhile too to just check in on me.

And then there was Alice who was really nice too. She'd answer Jeremiah's phone whenever he'd be sleepin' or busy and she'd talk to me like I was an old friend, rattlin' on 'bout JJ's tee-ball game or how she decorated his room in monster trucks.

She told me that she's plannin' on buyin' that old diner her parents used to own when she was a kid cuz she wants to have a family business. So she's gonna try and convince Jeremiah to give up his job for at least a year and try runnin' the place. The little fucker loved cookin' and shit so there was no doubt in my mind that he'd be really good at that.

She really loved them both a lot and that made me love her.

And then there's Brady. The sweet little fucker. I could just imagine wakin' up to that pillow of an ass pressed against my dick every mornin'. And how'd he'd come home from work all grumpy from havin' to be nice to assholes at the coffee shop all day. And how he'd get spastic 'fore all his tests at school. Or how he'd be all happy and bouncy when he did good on a project or found a new pair of boots. How he'd let me lay my head in his lap and he'd play with my hair while I fell asleep watchin' Lockup.

It was all just stupid shit but I wanted it more than I ever wanted anythin'. I ain't ever had a real 'home' before cuz to me, home means a place to just _be _without all the bullshit drama. Brady could be home for me.

So, fuck it, I was ready to face whatever fears I had of fallin' flat on my ass again cuz I think it could really be worth it.

But what if I got denied? What if they said no? I mean, I been doin' all the shit I'm supposed to be doin' so that had to be good, right? But dickin' around with the great state of Texas for most my life taught me that these bastards don't fuck around.

By the time Carlisle knocked on my door, I was a nervous wreck. I was pacin' so bad that it was drivin' Dolly crazy so Lexi was nice enough to come by and take her out to the park while I was gone.

Huffin' on a cigarette, I pulled open the door to see him standin' there but he wasn't in jeans this time. Carlisle looked fly as hell!

He was wearin' a nice ass suit lookin' all sophisticated and shit as he smiled, "I hope you're ready for this."

And then Alice popped out from behind him holdin' a big ol' bag as she flittered her way inside, "Okay so you might be generally opposed to this sort of thing but this is a big deal and you need to put your best foot forward. The first thing people notice about you is what you're wearing and in this suit you're going to look like a man who is ready to leave the state and flourish in Seattle. Now, the measurements might not be exact but Brady helped me with them so it should be pretty close and I brought my seamstress kit so I can do a little nip and tuck if I need to. I'm not scaring you, am I?"

I stumbled over my words a little as I shook my head and tossed my cigarette out into the alley, "Um, no. It's cool. Thanks. Ya'll come on in."

Moving out of the way, I motioned for Carlisle to step inside. He smiled as he strode in, "I've got a lawyer set to meet us there about fifteen minutes before the hearing so he can give you a few pointers. He already has all of your information and has been working on the plea. I will be honest, he thinks it's a tough case given the extent of violence of some of your priors but he's built a good case so just go in there and be honest. I think you should do okay. Is there anything you need?"

Takin' a deep breath, I shook my head as the nerves bubbled up inside my gut, "Naw, I'm okay. Um, I guess I'll just go change."

I took the suit with me to the bathroom and hung it up on the shower rod as I looked at myself in the mirror. I really looked like shit. My eyes were bloodshot and there was dark circles underneath cuz I hadn't been sleepin' so good. And my facial hair was too scruffy and wild, really needed a trim 'bout a week ago. My hair was still damp from the shower I took before they came so I brushed it back but it still fell forward, all shaggy and shit. Maybe I should cut it.

I glanced over at the nice suit in the plastic bag and sighed. It didn't really matter how much glitter you dumped on a pile o'shit…it was still just shit.

But the thought of glitter made me think of Brady so I took a deep breath, pulled out my clippers and trimmed up my facial hair so that it was nice and neat. If they went through all the trouble of doin' this nice shit for me, I should at least try and get with the fuckin' program.

A half-hour later I was standin' awkwardly in the livin' room with Alice down at my feet, hemmin' the pants just a little. I felt strange in these fancy clothes. Didn't really care for it much. The slacks were tighter on my junk than I liked but at least she wasn't makin' me wear a tie.

"Brady did a great job with your sizes, just a few little tucks and this will fit perfectly."

I didn't really know what to say so I just messed with the cuffs of the shirt cuz they was all tight and shit around my wrists and I didn't like that.

She stood and smiled up at me, "There. You look like a million bucks, Brandon. Are you okay with the suit? I didn't mean to be presumptuous, I just…"

Biting her lip, she looked down at her pretty shoes and sighed. I didn't want her to think I was mad or that she couldn't talk to me so I rasped, "What is it, Alice?"

Giving me a small smile, she walked over to the couch and sat down then patted the cushion next to her. I shuffled over, feelin' weird as I sat down cuz the slacks were cuttin' of breathin' room to my dick. I had half a mind to just throw my jeans back on.

"You know you're family, right, Brandon?"

I was a little caught off guard but I managed to give a small nod. Then she grinned at me, a big beautiful happy grin, "You know, I always wanted brothers and sisters. But my mom had a hard time when she gave birth to me, my dad nearly lost us both. I was their whole world, ya know? And then my dad passed away and my mom just sort of…zoned everything out. Including me. Growing up, I was always so lonely. I thought having brothers and sisters would make my life better. And then Rose became like my sister…I mean, after the whole lesbian experimentation thing in Junior High anyway."

She laughed and I couldn't help but give her a small grin.

"Back to the point, after Rose, came Emmett…then Jasper and Edward…then Brady bounced his sassy little ass into my life. They all became like my family. And now, Jeremiah, JJ, and Suzie are my family too. I love your cousin and nephew so much, Brandon. And Jeremiah loves you like a brother, JJ like an uncle. I want you there in Seattle with us to go to all of JJ's games and to help blow up balloons at his birthday parties and to take Jeremiah out and get him shit-faced when he's had a bad day at work…I want you at all the family softball games and all of the barbecues and parties…"

Reaching over she grabbed my big ol' hand in her tiny little manicured one and smiled, "I don't know why I feel the need to rattle on for fifteen minutes when all I really wanted to say is that I love you and I'm really excited for you to come home."

Well, shit…how could you _not_ love someone that said sweet shit like that. No wonder Jeremiah was so far gone on the girl.

I carefully squeezed her little hand as I smiled down at her, "That's like, really nice. Um, thanks for the suit, Alice…and ya know, for everythin' else."

She broke into a perfect grin as she hopped on her toes and began brushing my shoulders off, "You're welcome for the suit. I couldn't do much to help but at least I can help you make a good impression with those assholes. You really do look amazing."

I wasn't used to people complimentin' me for no reason but it was nice and since Alice had obviously wanted to do somethin' nice for me, I wouldn't complain about the lack of blood flow to my dick.

By the time we were standin' in the courthouse, I was a nervous fuckin' wreck. When my phone started ringin' I damn near jumped outta my skin as I fumbled with my stupid big fingers to hit the button.

"Sup, princess."

"Hey babe. Are you there yet?"

"Uh, yeah. Waitin' on the lawyer."

"I'm sorry, Brandon. I should really be there."

"S'okay, Brady. I know you had that big test today. How you think you did?"

"Ugh, I don't know, okay I guess. I can't even concentrate. I should've just blown it off and come down there."

It was a sweet thought but I didn't want him blowin' shit off all the time to come hang with me and besides, hopefully he wouldn't have to even consider it after today.

We talked for a minute longer 'fore the lawyer showed up. He talked to me 'bout focusin' on all the good shit I been doin' like anger management classes and therapy. And he told me no matter what happens, not to lose my temper.

I really hoped I didn't

"Mr. Whitlock, we're here today because you have petitioned the court for the remainder of your parole to be transferred to Seattle, Washington, is that correct?"

My hands were itchy and sweaty as I wrung them in front of me and stood to face the judge.

"Um, yeah. Yes, sir."

The old man looked over the top of his glasses down at me as he held a thick folder in his hands, "I see you've been doing the court-ordered anger management classes as well as some individual counseling on your own."

"Yes, sir."

"You've been holding steady work and haven't failed a mandatory drug test within the last year."

My heart was all fluttery and shit as I nodded, "Yes, sir. Been doin' pretty good."

"It seems like you've got things going pretty well for you here, Mr. Whitlock. Why do you wish to go to Seattle and start over?"

"Well, um….I got family there."

"I see. Tell me about your current living situation."

I chewed on my lip for a moment before answerin' him, "Um, I got an apartment."

"Do you pay rent for this apartment?"

"Uh, no, sir. Lou Anne, my boss at the shop, lets me stay there but I did have a place 'fore this one..."

"Do you pay utilities?"

"No, sir."

Fuck, this was startin' to go bad.

"What about your therapy? Do you pay for that?"

I could feel my fists startin' to clench as I ground my teeth, "No, sir."

"What do you pay for, Mr. Whitlock?"

This mother fucker right here was fuckin' testin' me…

"I pay my court ordered fines, your Honor. I pay for the drug tests ya'll make me take every week. I pay for my groceries and sh…stuff. I can take care o'myself."

The smirk on his ugly face taunted me and it took every god damn ounce of strength I had not to jump over the fuckin' desk and beat him with his own mother fuckin' gavel.

"Tell me about this incident six months ago in Mission? It appears that you were brought in for questioning on a battery charge."

God damn mother fuckin' son of a bitch.

Takin' a deep breath, I tried to keep the growl outta my voice as I spoke, "There were no charges filed against me. I ain't been in no trouble…"

"Yes, it does appear that the charges were mysteriously dropped. There is no doubt in my mind that Dr. Cullen had something to do with that seeing as he has petitioned to be your sponsor and had his lawyers fly in all the way from Seattle to be here today. But this is the great state of Texas, Dr. Cullen, and no amount of money can buy his way out."

Shiiiitttt, this was goin' so bad.

Carlisle stood up next to me with a sigh, "With all due respect, your Honor, I'm not trying to buy anything. I'm trying to help a member of my family come home. That's it. Brandon has proved that he can be a productive member of society and with his family behind him, I believe the sky is the limit. He will do wonderful things if given the opportunity."

"With all due respect, Doctor, that's not your call to make. The facts are that Mr. Whitlock has done well for himself since his release but it doesn't negate the extremely violent record he still carries. I would not feel comfortable unleashing this man in a city away from us just yet. Therefore, I am denying your petition to move out of the state. If, in six months time, you would like to petition again, Mr. Whitlock, you are free to do so. We will continue your weekly visits with your parole officer and continue to randomly monitor you for drug use. Good day to you."

"But that's bullshit!"

I knew I needed to keep my god damn mouth shut but I couldn't stop it. I was so fuckin' angry cuz this shit wasn't fair.

"Brandon, come on, son…"

"No, it ain't fuckin' fair! I been doin' everythin' y'all been tellin' me to do! I been good! And now you're just gonna tell me no without givin' me a fair chance?!"

"Mr. Whitlock, do I need to remind you that there are still three and a half years left on your sentence and that any time I wish to do so, I can revoke your parole and throw you back in prison? Let me give you a little lesson. Life's not fair. You think it was fair to all those hardworking people that you stole from? Do you think it was fair that the police officer you assaulted spent six months with his jaw wired shut all because he was doing his job? Six months of good behavior doesn't negate a lifetime of bad behavior. Now my suggestion to you is to shut your mouth and walk quietly out of my courtroom before I hold you in contempt and lock you back up with the animals where you belong."

I couldn't fuckin' believe it. After all the bullshit I been doin' ain't a god damn thing changed.

It took Carlisle and Alice both literally pullin' me outta the courtroom to keep me from goin' after that mother fuckin' prick of a judge.

I was so pissed off I was shakin' and deep down I was glad that Alice had her little hand in mine cuz that's the only thing keepin' me from losin' my shit. I couldn't go nuts with her holdin' onto me cuz she was too little and my cousin loved her and I couldn't risk her gettin' hurt.

So I held it inside and let it fester, which ain't never really a good thing.

On the ride back, they were both talkin' to me 'bout not givin' up and not lettin' this get me down but I mostly tuned it out as I just stared out the window and watched the same ol' shit fly by.

Maybe I was better off locked up. Prison life was at least simple. Real life is fuckin' hard. Here I thought I had been doin' real good. For once in my whole god damn life I had been kinda proud of myself, thought I was becomin' somethin' worthwhile.

But it was all bullshit.

I was still a god damn piece of shit. A fuckin' animal. Lower than a fuckin' animal really.

Cuz the judge was right. All I ever done is hurt people. I still hurt people. And most the time I don't give a shit. That makes me a bad person. I don't give a fuck 'bout the cop I hurt or 'bout the people whose cars I stole. Why should I?

Did they give a fuck 'bout me when I was fifteen and eatin' out of a god damn garbage can? Or stealin' clothes from the fuckin' Goodwill dumpsters cuz even though I was barely eatin', I was still growin' like a son of a bitch. No one gives a fuck. That's it. That's life. No one cares till it directly affects them.

How many mother fuckin' cops just rolled on by me sleepin' in the alleys? Or better yet, how many woke me up and told me I couldn't sleep there? But did any of 'em ask why the fuck a fifteen-year old boy was sleepin' behind the dumpsters? No. None of 'em ever did.

They bitch that I'm nothin' but a god damn animal but they fuckin' made me what I am. They ignored the fuckin' problem till it showed up on their doorstep and bared its fuckin' teeth.

The teachers ignored me comin' to school in dirty clothes and covered in fuckin' bruises, makin' it out like it was _my_ fault I was so god damn angry. But when you're gettin' your ass beat on a daily fuckin' basis by grown-ups and no one gives a shit, what the hell else are you supposed to be but fuckin' angry?

When the whole reason you start stealin' in the first god damn place is cuz no one else is takin' care of you or your family and you gotta fuckin' eat somehow…

So maybe I _am_ an animal cuz I don't hide in a mother fuckin' corner no more cryin'. Now you bite me, I bite back…or I'm just smart enough to bite first.

"Brandon? You okay?"

Alice's voice snapped me outta my thoughts as I looked down at my hands that I was wringin' in my lap and nodded.

"Well, um, we're back at your house now. We've been sitting here a minute. You sure you're okay?"

My voice was raspy as I nodded, "Yeah. M'fine."

I dragged myself from the car and up the stairs to my place. I barely noticed Alice and Carlisle walking in behind me.

"Son, listen to me, I know this is disheartening but it's not the end of the world. It's just a minor setback. That judge was a biased jerk. We're going to try it again in six months and we'll keep trying until you're home in Seattle with us. I'm sorry that judge was so unfair to you."

Poor Carlisle. He really was a decent guy.

I huffed a humorless laugh as I threw myself down on the couch, "Carlisle, you're a good guy, you know that? Too good, really. Cuz that judge, he was right 'bout everythin' he said 'bout me. I ain't worth all this time and money and shit. You're just throwin' it away on me. So stop, okay?"

He raked a hand through his hair and sighed, "You are worth more than you give yourself credit for, Brandon. You're not a bad guy…"

Rubbin' my hands over my face, I was exhausted as I sighed, "Good guys don't need permission to leave the fuckin' state."

"Everyone makes mistakes, son. You've paid for yours. I don't care what that asshole judge said, you are not a bad guy…"

The sneer curled my lips outta pure instinct as I jumped from the couch and roared, "Yes I am! I _am_ a fuckin' bad guy! I'm a god damn criminal! If you was half as smart as you think you are, you would keep your fuckin' family far away from me cuz all I'm gonna do is fuck em up! Don't you get it yet? The judge wasn't bein' an asshole, he was tellin' the fuckin' truth!"

I gotta give it to Carlisle, he had balls cuz he didn't back down.

"That's bullshit, Brandon! Everybody deserves a second chance!"

I wanted to keep my mouth shut…wanted to calm the fuck down but my body was ragin' with pure adrenaline and my mind was drownin' in all the bad shit I done or that been done to me and I couldn't stop myself…

"Do they? Did Eddie's daddy deserve a second chance? Does my mama? How bout those bastards that drove Angel to hang himself off a god damn light pole? Some people don't deserve second chances! Some people are fuckin' ruined for good, Carlisle…for life! Maybe you coulda saved me fifteen years ago but it's too fuckin' late now! I'm sorry you can't save me, I really wish you could but you can't. Spend your time and money on some kid that's worth a fuck, not a god damn piece o'shit man that don't need your fuckin' help!"

Alice was just standin' there with tears rollin' down her little cheeks but her voice was strong as she grabbed Carlisle's hand and yelled back at me, "You don't get to talk to him like that! And I don't care how mad you are, don't you _ever_ bring up Edward's biological father again! Now I know this sucks, Brandon, but shit just sucks sometimes and you have to deal! You don't have to deal with this shit alone anymore! We love you! Even if you're not perfect! Even if you're an asshole sometimes! We still love you because you're family and you're worth it and that's what family does!"

"Well _don't_!"

There was a yelp from where the door was open and my eyes flashed over to see Lexi standin' there with Dolly.

Dolly was shiverin' like a leaf on a tree and whimperin' as she hid behind Lexi's legs.

My mouth went dry and I just kinda deflated as I looked around at what I caused. Alice was upset, cryin'…Carlisle looked defeated and tired…Dolly was scared half to death, she ain't ever seen me mad before.

I fuckin' did it again…hurt the people I cared about…the people foolish enough to care bout me.

Droppin' my head, I kneeled down and rasped out, "C'mere, Dolly…c'mon, baby girl, it's okay…"

Lexi let her off the leash and she was wary at first but then she took off runnin' to me, little tail waggin' as she jumped into my arms. I held onto her tight as I settled on the floor, huggin' her close and whisperin' that I was sorry for scarin' her.

Lexi took off, tellin' me that she'd text me later and to call her if I needed her.

I just sat there, rockin' back and forth with my dog in my lap cuz I was too fuckin' ashamed to look up and see the hurt and disappointment in Alice and Carlisle's faces.

The guilt was eatin' at my insides, my stomach was in knots and my skin was crawlin' as I thought about what I said and what kinda damage I just done.

I wasn't much of a man but even I knew when I had to man up.

Keepin' my face pressed into Dolly's soft fur, I choked out, "M'sorry, Carlisle…didn't mean it…wish I could take it back…please forgive me…"

It was a low fuckin' blow bringin' up Eddie's daddy and I wanted to kick my own ass for bein' such an ungrateful dick. He had no reason in the world to forgive me after all he done for me. I wouldn't forgive me. I would walk, no, _run_ away from me as fast as I could go.

But I'll be damned if that man didn't sit right down on the floor next to me and lay his arm across my shoulder as he whispered, "You're forgiven, son."

Tears burned my eyes cuz how do I even deal with that? How can someone be so selfless? It don't seem real. How do I deal with a grown man who ain't gotta have nothin' to do with me…who's better than me in every way, gettin' down on the god damn floor with me after I was mean to him to hug me and my dog?

Jay was really fuckin' lucky to find him when he was still young…'fore he got all fucked up like me. I was really grateful to Carlisle for takin' him in. I was grateful for him takin' in Jeremiah and JJ when they had nowhere else to go. And for watchin' over Suzie. I owed this man...this _family_ everythin' good in the world. I owed them to not be a pain in their ass. But all I did was hurt 'em and still, they loved me.

I couldn't deal with it. I didn't know how. So, I just kinda crumbled.

Buryin' my face into Dolly's soft fur, I tried to fight the tears but choked on sobs anyway and I couldn't believe I was havin' a fuckin' breakdown in front of them.

I didn't want them to see me like this…to see what a basket case I was. To see how I wasn't no man at all but a fucked up kid in a grown man's body. Why would anyone wanna love someone so fuckin' broken?

When I finally got myself calmed down, I lifted my face from Dolly's wet fur and she still covered my face in sloppy kisses, lickin' away the salty tears and pattin' me with her paw to 'shake hands' cuz she knew that always made me laugh.

I ruffled her ears gave her a kiss on her little head as I snorted a chuckle.

Alice was sittin' next to me too. On the floor in her fancy little suit that probably cost more than everythin' I owned. With tear stained cheeks, she reached out her little hand and rubbed Dolly's ears, "She really loves her daddy, huh?"

I still couldn't look her in the eye as I mumbled, "M'sorry, Alice. Sorry for bein' an asshole and sorry for sittin' on the floor in this nice suit…"

She just smiled with watery eyes as Dolly leaned over to give her cheek a few licks, "I don't care about the suit, Brandon. I care about the asshole wearing it."

That made me snort as I finally raised my eyes to her red-streaked green ones and sniffled, "I love you, Alice."

It was hard to say cuz I didn't say it often. But I really did. She was family.

She threw her arms around me with a sniffly giggle as she whispered, "I love you too, Brandon."

Then Dolly pounced Carlisle, lickin' his face all over as he chuckled and rubbed her little head, "I'm happy to meet you too, Dolly. Grandpa C loves kisses from all his little grandbabies. You're the first girl, you know that? Yes, I love you too…"

I sniffle-snorted as I rubbed her back and smiled at Carlisle, "You're a good papaw, Carlisle. She's lucky to have you."

He smiled, reaching a hand out to squeeze my shoulder as she wiggled like crazy in his lap. "We're all lucky to have each other, Brandon. I realize that the timing may be off but some people go their entire lives and never have people that they can truly call family. And from my experience with Esme and her family, you can't love each other so deeply and not argue from time to time."

Carlisle was unlike any man I had ever met before. I wished I could be more like him.

"I'm really sorry for what I said, man, and how I acted. I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful. You done more for me than anyone ever has and I never shoulda talked to you the way I did."

With a warm smile, he answered, "It's okay, son…"

But I shook my head and rasped, "It ain't okay. Ya'll gotta stop tellin' me that it's okay to be mean to you sometimes. It ain't ever okay for me to be mean to ya'll. Thank you for forgivin' me but don't tell me it's okay."

"You're right, Brandon, it's not okay to be mean but it _is_ okay for you to be upset. But this is just a setback, son. It's not the end."

It wasn't the end but it really fuckin' sucked.

I sighed as I rubbed Dolly's little head, "Yeah, I know. But something's gotta change. I gotta go at this alone..."

He was tryin' to be stern as he shook his head, "You're not going to be alone…"

But I just said my piece, "I don't mean alone, like, without ya'll or anythin'… I mean I gotta start takin' care of myself. Payin' Lou Ann rent…payin' for my own therapy, which, yeah, I'm gonna keep goin'…just, I'd still like it if ya…ya know, wanted to come around and shit but just I gotta do this alone…ya feel me?"

I was shit at explainin' myself.

He broke into a grin as he nodded, "Yes. I feel you."

Then he laughed, the fucker.

But it made me smile as rolled my eyes, "You're kinda an asshole, Carlisle."

He just kept chucklin' as his warm hazel eyes lit up, "See, we're family! We're almost like blood!"

That made me chuckle as I rubbed on Dolly's ears, "Papaw's got jokes, little girl."

I pulled myself together and not long after, Carlisle and Alice had to leave to catch their plane back. Alice tried to stay longer but I reassured her I was fine and really just wanted to get in my shorts and call Brady.

So after they left, I…well, I sat on the couch and rubbed Dolly's head as I stared at my phone and thought about what the fuck I was supposed to say.

His text broke my train of thought though as it flashed on the screen.

_You haven't called me yet so I'm guessing its bad news. I'm still hopeful its not, but I'm okay if it is. And so are you. It doesn't change anything, babe. Ride or die ;) I love you._

Damn it.

With a heavy sigh, I picked up the phone and called him.

"Hey babe. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. Sorry for not callin' you right after."

"I understand. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. The judge was a dick. I acted an ass. Carlisle's like Jesus. And I need a fuckin' cigarette."

I put Dolly on her leash and we sat out on the step as I lit up and took a long drag.

He chuckled in my ear, soft and sweet, "How's our baby girl?"

"Ornery as shit," I smiled as she pawed at my legs like I was supposed to be entertainin' her.

We just bullshitted for a little while until I finally broke down and told him everythin' that happened.

"Shit, Brandon, I'm so sorry. I should be there…"

"You should be exactly where you are, Princess. You can't be skippin' important shit just cuz I'm havin' a bad day…"

"This is more than just a bad day. This is bullshit and I should be there. I'm sorry I'm not."

This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. He shouldn't be takin' none of this on his pretty little shoulders, this is all me.

"Brady, don't, okay. You're not the bad guy here. I am."

"You're not a bad guy…"

"Yes, I am. I _am_ a bad guy. This is all my doin' and I'm the one that has to pay for it, not you. Don't feel guilty, baby. I mean it, okay? Promise me."

I couldn't take it if he felt guilty over this.

His voice was soft but determined as he spoke, "I'll promise you I won't feel guilty if you promise me that you won't do something…bad."

It was wrong of me to smile but I did anyway cuz he was scared for me cuz he cared about me so much.

"Brady, I ain't gonna do nothin' dumb, I promise. I mean, yeah it sucks and I'm pissed and really fuckin' sad about it but as long as you're willin' to ride this out with me, I'll be okay. I just…"

Scrubbin' my hands along my face, I huffed out the words I didn't know how to say, "You're like the best thing that ever happened to me, Brady, and these last few months have been the best of my life…I don't wanna lose you…even if this shit's hard and I can't see you as much as I wanna see you…I just…you're not…um…can you do this? Six more months, I mean?"

"Oh Brandon," he choked on a little sob and sniffled, "I'd wait forever for you. As corny as that sounds. I love you, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you too, Princess," I let out a sigh cuz I had been on edge about it ever since that asshole denied me. The last six months really had been the best of my whole life, even though they were some of the hardest too. I mean, of course prison was hard and my life before all this was hard but I think it was maybe even harder now cuz I ain't ever had no one love me before so I didn't know what I was missin' before...now I do.

I still wanted him more than I ever wanted anythin'.

After we talked awhile, he had to go in to work so I piddled 'round the house for a little while 'fore I decided to head down to the shop.

"Hey man, sorry shit didn't work out how you wanted."

I sighed and clapped Sig on the shoulder as I walked by, "Thanks, man. Lex here?"

"Yeah, she's in the back taking a smoke break."

I nodded and made my way to the back alley. Lexi gave me a sad smile when I leaned against the buildin' next to her, "What are you thinking, Brandon?"

Taking a deep breath, I raked my hands through my hair and slowly exhaled, "Woke up screamin' fuck the world…"

She smiled as she threw her square down and opened the door for me, "Tupac lyric. Nice."

I chose where I wanted it in on my arm and she drew it up in no time. And before long the familiar sting of the needle gave me somethin' else to focus on as she weaved the lyric into the shadows, just like she did all the times before.

About halfway through, Lou Anne popped in and stood in the doorway with her arms folded across her chest.

"Sorry, son."

"Thanks, Lou Anne. Um, I kinda need to talk to you 'bout somethin' if ya got a minute?"

She pulled up a stool and nodded, "Sure thing, honey, what's up?"

I told her 'bout what the judge said 'bout me not payin' rent and we worked it out. She said she hadn't even given that a thought when she offered me the place but from here on out she'd keep records and receipts for all rent and utilities I was now gonna pay to her.

For once in my life, I wasn't so worried 'bout havin' enough money. The shop was providin' me a pretty decent lifestyle and it was nice to have that worry off my shoulders.

By the time I fell into bed that night, I was exhausted but a text flittered across the screen. It was from Edward.

_It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere… _

I wasn't a very smart man but I think I got the gist of it…I had to figure out how to be happy with myself.

My eyes closed as I drifted off with a heavy mind cuz I had no fuckin' clue how to do that.

_The street was quiet. Too quiet. Normally in the summertime you could hear commotion goin' on all night long…cars bumpin' their music…people partyin' or gettin' into fights…the loud, heavy sound of steel slidin' against steel as the trains rolled by…_

_But the night was dead still. No air. No sound. No sign of life anywhere. It was eerie and unnervin' cuz it felt like I was the only person in the world. Like maybe everyone else just vanished without a trace and left me here all alone. _

_I took a drag from my cigarette and dropped it to the pavement when I heard a voice that made my skin break out in goose bumps._

"_It's funny how we can be here together and yet be all alone."_

_Raisin' my eyes from the ground, my heart started racin' as I saw him standin' on the road ahead of me. His arms were folded across his chest as he stood with his hip cocked, a sly smirk, and a twinkle in his eye._

_My throat felt raw as I rasped, "Angel?"_

"_Mi loco guero…it's been a while…"_

"_Yeah…it has…"_

"_You think about me still?"_

"_Yeah…too much…"_

"_I thought about you to…too much. But hey, you're still shining like a diamond, baby."_

_I snorted as the tears started to burn my eyes, "I miss you."_

_With a sad smile, he slowly nodded, "I know. I miss you too."_

_Then he looked over his shoulder before I even heard the sounds of a few guys walkin' down the street._

"_I have to go…"_

"_Wait! Don't go!"_

_I took a step forward but I was held back by thick steel bars. With a blink of my eyes, I was locked away in a tiny, dark cell that smelled like piss and mildew. The musty stench made my eyes water and my nose sting as I covered my mouth and coughed._

_But on the outside of those bars, I could see the dark street lit up by only the full moon and the dim yellow light of the nearby streetlamp._

_Angel was climbin' up the wooden pole by the train tracks and I could feel my heart beatin' outta my chest as I grabbed the steel bars. _

"_Angel, don't!"_

_I screamed as I rattled the bars with everythin' I had, yankin' and pushin' and flyin' around the cage in a furious rage as he kept climbin'._

_They wouldn't break or bend and I was trapped, fightin' against somethin' I couldn't beat as my limbs hung heavy with exhaustion and my eyes burned with tears._

"_Angel! Stop! Please stop!"_

_My throat was raw as I screamed and pleaded but he didn't stop until he was sittin' at the top with a rope wrapped around his neck._

_Faceless men stood below, tauntin' him as I growled, shakin' with fury while I tried the bars again. Failin' like every time before._

_If I could get outta here I'd kill 'em all. Rip 'em to pieces with my bare hands and piss on the bones. _

_But I couldn't do nothin'. I was trapped._

_My stomach was knotted and all the strength drained from my body as I watched Angel stand on shaky legs with his arms spread out and his face smilin' at the sky above._

_I fell to the floor, body wracking with sobs and hands grippin' the bars so tight they ached in pain._

"_Please don't…don't leave me…"_

_My whispered pleas fell on deaf ears as I watched him fall forward. _

_I could hear the snap of his neck, the creak of the wood as the impact of his body swingin' caused it to whine, the sound of the faceless shadows laughin'…_

_The tears ran down my face as my I closed my eyes and laid my head against the cold, steel bars._

"_I got this, daddy."_

_The sound of JJ's small voice made my eyes open as I blinked through tears to see that mop of blond hair tucked underneath a ball cap where he stood, in heavy concentration with a little bat in his hand ready to take a swing at the ball on the T before him._

_Jeremiah was a few feet in front of him, crouched down in front of him with a smile on his face and a mitt on his hand as he chuckled, "Don't throw the bat this time, son."_

"_That was like one time, daddy. And I told da coach I was sorry."_

_I wiped at my eyes and rasped, "Jeremiah! Hey Cuz! Help me out!"_

_Neither one acted like they could hear me as I watched them play and wished I could play with them. Then I blinked again and when I opened my eyes the scene was different._

_But I remembered it immediately._

_It was me when I was nine years old. I had just stormed outta my mama's house cuz her stupid ass boyfriend just busted my lip by pushin' my head into the floor and makin' me pick up the cigarette butts from where I threw the ashtray at him._

_I could still taste the ash on my tongue as I wrinkled my nose. I was headin' to the old abandoned factory so I could sneak up on the roof and watch the sunset. _

"_Hey B! Wait up, Cuz!"_

_Turnin' my head, I see Jeremiah at five years old, runnin' to me barefoot with Suzie in tow and Ethan and Caleb trailin' behind them._

"_What are ya'll doin'?"_

_Jeremiah pushed the hair from his eyes as he looked down at Suzie, "Suzie's hungry and we ain't got nothin' at our house. Mama said to go play."_

_Suzie was just a toddler, her chubby cheeks stained pink and her blue eyes wide and full of tears as she sniffled._

_I sighed and closed my eyes as I thought about what to do, "Don't your mama have no more food stamps?"_

_He shook his head, wipin' at his runny nose as he sniffled, "No, she sold 'em. I'm okay but we gotta get Suzie somethin'."_

_Grittin' my teeth, I cursed his mama under my breath as I huffed, "Where are your fuckin' shoes, J?"_

_The streets were littered with garbage, broken glass, and God knows what else. He rubbed his dirty foot on top of the other one and shrugged, "They hurt my feet."_

_Cuz they was probably two sizes too small. _

_Then I heard the other boys' stomachs rumble and I raised my eyes to see a long red welt along the side of Ethan's cheek. I stomped forward, grabbin' his chin and turnin' his face to mine, "The fuck happened?"_

_He shrugged but Caleb looked up at me with dirt smudged cheeks, "Granny hit him cuz he was sneakin' cookies outta the cabinets…"_

_Ethan shoved Caleb and growled, "Shut up!"_

"_What? She did! Wasn't your fault, E…"_

_The sound of some of the neighborhood boys ridin' by on their bikes and snickerin' caused me to turn my head and stare 'em down. The glare I gave 'em snapped their mouths shut and made them look away as they rode by quickly._

_What the fuck was I supposed to do? I didn't have no money._

_My shoulders felt heavy as I reached down and picked up Suzie, "Alright. Ya'll come on."_

_They followed me around the corner, bickerin' and playin' along the way as Suzie laid her head on my shoulder and sucked her thumb._

_The knots curled in my stomach as I thought about what I was fixin' to do. I hadn't ever stole nothin' before and I knew it was bad but it's more bad to let my family go hungry. So I choked down the nervousness and nausea as I lined them all up outside the store and set Suzie down._

"_You guys stay right here. I'll be able to see you from inside if you stay put. Don't talk to no-fuckin-body and don't move. Got it?"_

_The boys nodded their blond heads as Suzie latched onto Jeremiah's legs. _

_My hands were shakin' as I pulled open the door to the little convenience store and walked in with my head down. Shovin' my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, I glanced back outside to check on the kids as I made my way down one of the aisles. The guy at the register was busy checkin' someone out so I took a deep breath and reached out. My palms were itchy and sweaty as I scooped up a few candy bars and shoved them in my pocket._

_I felt like I was gonna throw up as I tried to act normal while I walked over to the next aisle. But when I glanced back out the window, I saw a man leanin' over handin' somethin' to Jeremiah and without a second thought I bolted for the door._

_Shovin' Jeremiah back, I put myself between the man and the kids as I growled the scariest I could, "The fuck you think you're doin'? Back the fuck up!"_

_The man wasn't that old, early twenties and a nice smile as he stepped back, "Sorry, I just work across the street at the burrito joint and thought you guys might like some leftover tamales?"_

_He held out a plastic bag filled with the best smellin' food ever all wrapped up warm in aluminum foil but I was cautious as I huffed, "Why?"_

_The man's warm brown eyes and soft smile seemed harmless as he ran a hand through his jet black hair and chuckled, "I was cleaning the table outside and this little rascal said 'that place smells like heaven wrapped in a tortilla and dipped in cheese,' in Spanish . I couldn't resist, sorry."_

_I turned to give Jeremiah a glare as he shuffled his feet and mumbled, "Sorry, B, but they smell like the best thing in the world…"_

_Lettin' out a breath, I ruffled his dirty hair as I sighed, "It's okay, J."_

_I hated charity but they did smell heavenly so I reached out cautiously and took the bag from him as I mumbled, "Gracias."_

_He chuckled, "Denata. Do you guys wanna come eat at the table outside? I could maybe spring for a few orange sodas?"_

_Jeremiah and Caleb both grabbed at my arms, pullin' at me as they pleaded for me to say yes._

_I reluctantly accepted and soon they were fillin' their little bellies with Mexican food and soda as my nerves still sat on edge._

"_If we just had chocolate this would be like Thanskgivin'!" Ethan crooned happily as he stuffed his face. _

_I suddenly remembered the candy bars in my pocket and I pulled them out with a forced smile as I divided them up between the kids, "Happy Thanksgivin'."_

_Jeremiah beamed as he tagged Ethan's shoulder, "See! I told ya B would take care o'us!"_

_They exploded into happy giggles as they devoured every morsel in front of them and I wrung my hands nervously as I glanced over my shoulder to see the man lookin' at us with a soft grin._

_His name tag started with an H but I wasn't real good at readin' yet so I just turned back to my little cousins. I wasn't real good at smilin' back at people either._

_I had watched the whole scene unfold from behind the thick steel bars, my eyes raw and stingin' as my body shook with nerves from relivin' it all over again. The weight was heavy and it felt like I was bein' pushed down no matter how hard I tried to stand._

_But when I closed my eyes I heard a voice that made them snap back open._

"_Stop! Leave me alone!"_

_It was Brady. Although a much younger one. He was bein' held down by a group of boys in a dirty locker room as they took turns hittin' and kickin' him. _

_I jumped to my feet with a roar as I shook and rattled my cage but the bars wouldn't budge._

_He was so small and covered in bruises and blood as the boys cackled around him. _

"_Hold him down! Let's scalp the little faggot."_

_Brady sobbed and tried to push back but he wasn't strong enough as the bigger boy took a handful of his pretty black hair and cut it off to the scalp with dull scissors._

_I screamed and kicked the bars, punched the concrete walls that kept me trapped as I went crazy from not bein' able to get to him._

_When they were done, they left him there, bruised and bloody on the floor with his head between his knees in a pile of his pretty black hair. His little body wracked with sobs as he mumbled about how ugly he was and my heart was broken as I reached through the bars and rasped, "Brady! Let me out, Princess! C'mon, Brady, let me out!"_

_But he didn't hear me as he sat there all alone._

_I fell to the ground body exhausted as I curled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. I sobbed along with Brady and thought about what Angel said 'bout bein' with someone but still bein' all alone._

_If someone would just let me outta this god damn cage…_

"_Open the god damn door, fucker!"_

_Jeremiah's voice filtered in as I growled through tears, "Can't open the fuckin' door, Dick!"_

"_Cuz, you better wake your ass up and open the god damn door!"_

My eyes wrenched opened to someone bangin' on the fuckin' door and Dolly goin' nuts as she scratched at it.

"I'm startin' to make a scene out here, Cuz! You might wanna let me in for it gets ugly!"

God damn Jeremiah.

I throw the covers back from where my legs are all tangled and scrub my hands at my face. Then I pull myself outta bed and stomp over to the door in only my basketball shorts.

When I pull it open, Jeremiah and Jay are standin' there with big grins on their faces. Jeremiah pushes his way in as he throws his arms around me and hangs on tight.

"I'm sorry, man…had to come, ya know?"

I sighed as I wrapped my arms around him and hugged back, "Yeah, I know. Thanks, man."

After he pulled away, Jay came forward and gave me a quick hug as he mumbled, "Sorry, Cuz."

I gave him a small smile and nod as I reached for my cigarettes and Dolly's leash, "How long ya'll stayin'?"

Jay stepped out onto the porch and lit a square as I followed along with Dolly and Jeremiah. Jeremiah played with her as Jay reached over and scratched her ears with a smile, "Gotta go tomorrow night. Got class on Monday. Eddie wanted to come but he had to work tonight and promised Brady a ride to work tomorrow."

Jeremiah rolled Dolly around on her back as he tickled her belly, "Yeah and Esme's bringin' the boys down later tonight which means we got exactly seven hours to get white boy wasted then sober again 'fore they get here."

Tuckin' my hair behind my ear, I groaned as I took a drag, "It's only noon, Jeremiah."

He smiled, dimpled cheeks big as he tagged my shoulder, "Don't be a pussy. C'mon, man! You, me, Jay, alcohol…that sounds like an epic adventure just waitin' to happen!"

"Jay ain't even 21 yet…"

Jay smirked as he crouched down to play with Dolly, "Ain't ever stopped me before. Come on, man. He ain't gonna stop till ya give in. Besides, I promised Eddie I'd stay outta trouble and I plan on keepin' that promise this time. So let's just go out, chill for awhile…get your mind off shit."

I finally agreed and after watchin' those fuckers take forever to primp themselves like god damn girls, we took off.

We started out at a little Mexican place so we could eat before we drunk ourselves stupid. I shook my head as I stuffed a tamale down while I watched Jay charm the waitress into servin' him alcohol and Jeremiah groan about heaven wrapped in a tortilla.

As Jay sipped his beer, he grinned an evil dimpled grin and chuckled, "Don't tell Eddie. He got pissed at me last time I did that. 'Course I was only sixteen then…"

By the third beer, our food was gone and we were feelin' a little tipsy as we just hung out and bullshitted. Jay talked about all the shit him and Eddie had gone through and that in the end it just made them stronger. That gave me a little hope that maybe Brady and I could come out stronger in the end too.

After the restaurant, we walked over to a bar. It was the middle of the day so it wasn't crowded at all and I chuckled as I watched Jay hustle the bartender in a game of pool. The boy was a hustler at heart and in the end, the bartender ended up buyin' us all shots and agreein' to serve him too.

We sat at a little table with our beers and several empty shot glasses as Jeremiah grinned dazily and smacked my shoulder, "See! This was a good idea. I'm a smart mother fucker, man."

I chuckled as I took a long draw from my beer and Jay smirked, "My dick is still bigger."

Jeremiah threw a pretzel at him as Jay laughed.

Then Jeremiah raised his hands and sighed, "Alright, enough bullshittin'…real talk, B. You doin' okay?"

I started playin' with the label on the bottle, peelin' at the corner as I shrugged, "M'okay, I guess. Shit sucks but what can I do?"

He leaned forward and clasped his hands on the table, lookin' down at them he sighed, "You know if I didn't have JJ I would be right here with you, Cuz. I hate leavin' you here alone. I feel like a dick cuz you always been there for me and I should be here for you right now. I just can't take JJ away from everyone…"

I reached over and squeezed his shoulder as I shook my head, "No, you're exactly where you're supposed to be, Cuz. I'll be alright…"

He looked up at me, his blue eyes wet and streaked red as he huffed, "I know I don't say it enough but you know you saved my life, right? I mean, when we was little you was all I had to count on and you never let me down…"

Pullin' away, I slumped in my chair and picked at the label, "Yeah I did. I got locked up all the time…left all o'ya'll alone…"

"You went to prison to keep us out, Brandon. Don't think I ever forget that. Don't think I don't understand what you went through to try and take care of us. You fought for us, you stole for us, you fed us and we all looked to you to get us through. You was just a kid yourself but we didn't see you that way. You shoulda never had all that burden put on you. It was never your responsibility to shoulder but you always took it and never complained. We wouldn't be here without you. So I know that sometimes you feel like you ain't nothin' good but look at yourself from our eyes every once in awhile, man…you're the god damn messiah that kept us safe when no one else gave a fuck. You're a good man and I don't wanna hear no more bullshit bout you bein' some bad guy."

I shook my head and started to protest but he just talked right over me, "No, shut the fuck up and listen to me, B. You're a good man. Ain't none of us here at this table god damn saints but we ain't bad guys either. We done the best we could, the only way we knew how and we're still here, god damnit. We're still here and we're still pushin' on and tryin' to get our lives right. You ain't no different than the rest of us. _No_ different. I love you, Cuz. And I owe you. All my life I ain't ever been smart enough to run from nothin' but you, _you_ were the one that told me to take JJ and run and you were the only one I woulda listened to. You saved my life, B. I'm the man that I am cuz of you and I may not be a great one, but I'm a god damn work-in-progress and I'm only gettin' better. You are too."

My chest was heavy but I gotta admit, it was kinda nice to hear all that. And that made sense to me. I _was_ a god damn work-in-progress.

I smiled as I raised my beer and tipped my head, "Good lookin' out, Cuz."

He grinned and raised his beer as Jay huffed, "Ya'll fuckers are bondin' without me!"

My smile got even bigger as I scratched at my chin and drawled out, "Alright, let me tell ya 'bout the time when you were 'bout four and you woke up one mornin' with a pee hard on, cryin' your little eyes out, 'B, my dick is broken! It's broken!"

Jeremiah chuckled, "I remember that…you took him to the bathroom to pee it off and he was so freaked out that he peed all over the place…"

"Includin' on me. You peed on me, Jay. How's that for bondin'?"

Jay's cheeks were dark red but he chuckled as he took a draw from his beer, "I was sayin' 'dick' at four? I'm a bad mother fucker. Also, fuck ya'll."

After a couple more shots and a few more beers, we were officially white boy wasted.

We spent the afternoon just chillin', playin' pool and darts until we sobered up a little. Then we went to eat again to try and kill the rest of the buzz 'fore Esme got there with the kids.

We stopped at a little diner not too far from my house and got dinner. Everythin' was cool and then I heard it…

"Loco guero de mi hermano."

A chill ran through me as I lifted my eyes to warm brown ones.

She looked like him, only a little chubbier but her eyes were the same and the smile was bright.

"I can't believe it's really you…I was watching from the back and I kept thinking that it couldn't be you but the more I watched, the more I wondered. And then you tucked your hair behind you ear and grinned and I knew it was you."

I couldn't say anythin' as I stared at the young girl like a dumbass.

Then her cheeks flushed as played with the end of her long braid before twisting her hands in her little apron, "Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just come over here…I'm going to go…"

She started to turn away when I found my voice, "Melitta, right? You were like…seven the last time I seen you."

It had been a long time, the girl was about nineteen now, Brady's age.

When she turned back to face me, her brown eyes were shimmery as she bit her lip and looked at Jeremiah and Jay before lettin' out a breath, "Is it okay to talk about this?"

Jeremiah pushed out a chair for her as I nodded, "Yeah, they're family."

She offered a small smile as she sat with her hands folded in her lap and lookin' down to the ground.

"I don't have very long on my break but I wanted to just come over and say thank you."

I furrowed my brows as I ducked my head to look down at her, "For what?"

She raised her eyes as a tear slid down her cheek but she was smilin', "You were the reason we had him as long as we did. You made his days better. When you talked to him he was happier. He had…um, problems, you know. For as long as I could remember he had good days and really bad days. He was diagnosed with bipolar/manic depression when he was about thirteen. Medications never seemed to work but you helped. You made him smile and laugh and sometimes, it was like there was nothing wrong with him at all."

I tucked my hair behind my ear as I looked down at the table and whispered, "I didn't know he was…I didn't know what was wrong. He never told me."

She smiled as she wiped away a few tears, "Angel was very private. It was like pulling teeth to get him to talk about anything, especially you. Mother saw you with him a few times, behind the school you were talking. She said she saw you slip a flower into his hair and he flushed like a tomato but he smiled bigger than she had ever seen before. She also watched out the blinds when you walked him home and he would float into the house. That was always my favorite because he would glide into our room and we'd dance around the house together singing Disney princess songs."

That made me smile cuz it sounded like him. And I remembered puttin' that flower in his hair. He had been bitchin' 'bout Valentines Day bein' a pagan holiday invented by sadists that liked to prey on lonely people so they would run out and stuff themselves sick of self-bought chocolates.

So I plucked a little red flower from a vine creepin' up the back of the buildin' and tucked it behind his ear. He called me a sap but he blushed as red as that flower.

Then she sighed as the fond smile slipped away and she rasped, "He had tried other times to…ya know."

Kill himself.

"The first time he tried, he was nine. Mama found him. The second time he was twelve…then again at fourteen. Our mother tried really hard to help him. She took him to doctors and had him in therapy…our uncle moved us into his home so she could afford the medications and doctor's bills. But nothing helped like you did. I remember the only time I ever saw you. I was seven and you had been gone awhile but you showed up at our window one night. I was supposed to be asleep…"

Her cheeks flushed as she smiled at me, "I saw you kiss him. I thought it was the most romantic thing I'd ever seen and I lived on Disney movies. We moved away from Mission after…well, you know but I never stopped wondering who you really were. I mean, I'd heard the rumors around town about the notorious Whitlock boys but from what I saw, it didn't seem very true. Anyway, I won't keep you any longer. I just really wanted to meet you and tell you thank you for being so good to my brother. He really adored you."

Then she reached over and kissed my cheek as she patted my hand and stood to walk away. But then she stopped and turned around with a smirk that reminded me so much of Angel I shuddered.

"Hey, you can totally say no but would you like to maybe come to a barbecue? It's the day after tomorrow at my uncle's house. He lives just a few minutes from here now. The whole family will be there and I know my mother would just be thrilled to get to meet you."

I didn't really wanna go but I found myself shruggin' as I mumbled, "Um…I don't know, maybe?"

She broke into a blinding grin as she pulled out her little notepad and jotted down an address, time, and her phone number.

"I understand if you don't make it but the family would love to meet the infamous loco guero. I hope to see you there and if I don't, keep in touch maybe? It was really nice to meet you, Brandon. Sorry for interrupting your dinner. Adios."

I gave her a small smile as I folded the piece of paper and tucked it in my wallet.

Jeremiah muttered, "Holy fuck, you okay?"

I nodded as I threw some money down and stood up. I wasn't hungry no more and I needed a cigarette. Jeremiah and Jay followed me out the door as they fell in step beside me.

"You gonna go, B?"

Jay looked over at me and I shrugged, "I don't know. I need to talk to Brady."

I hated talkin' to him about Angel but he said I could and as much as I loved my cousins, he was like my best friend and I needed to talk to him about it.

But he was at work for the time bein' so it would have to wait.

I spent the next while kinda lost in my thoughts until it was finally time to meet Esme and the boys at the airport. Jay got us one of them minivan taxis so we could all ride together.

Esme smiled when she seen us, Em J was asleep on her shoulder as she held onto JJ's little hand as he hung onto a big, green stuffed frog. He took off runnin' when he seen us and Jeremiah called him an ingrate when he ran right up to me with his little arms stretched up, "Uncle B! It's me! JJ!"

I laughed as I snatched him up, him gigglin' like a little mad man as I held him high up in the air, "JJ? You sure? The last time I seen JJ he was kinda short but I don't know, you look like a big boy to me."

He giggled as he nodded, "It's me, Uncle B! I grew like dis much!"

Raisin' his hands way above his head, he dropped the frog and I grabbed it as I cradled him against my shoulder and smiled, "You sure did get big. Next time I see ya, you're gonna be a grown man. Who's this guy with you?"

I held up the frog and he smiled, "That's my bullfrog! His name is Steve! I brung him for you, Uncle B cuz I heard you was sad."

I couldn't help but laugh as I butted the frog against his belly, "Your papaw help you name this bullfrog?"

"Yup! He said Steve is the best name for a bullfrog."

"He's right. Listen to your papaw, he's a real smart guy. Thanks for Steve, JJ. He's already makin' me feel better."

"You're welcome. You know what else would make ya feel better?"

"What?"

He grinned wickedly as he looked at his daddy, "Ice cream. Daddy you want Uncle B to be happy right?"

Shit, the boy was all Whitlock.

In the ice cream parlor, Em J woke up and looked around sleepily as he rubbed his little eyes. Then they fell on me as he pulled away from Jeremiah and crawled across the table.

I wasn't sure what to do until he just crawled right up on me, throwin' his little chubby arms around my neck as he mumbled sleepily, "Hi, Uncle B."

Not gonna lie, I melted a little as I hugged him close and then the ice cream came and he was fully awake.

So after we stopped for ice cream, we headed back to my place where the boys wanted to play with my paints. I threw a big sheet down on the ground and we laid down together to play.

Which basically meant, they covered themselves head to toe in watercolors as they told me what to draw for them.

"Can you draw Batman, Uncle B?"

I nodded as I grabbed the black colored pencil and Em J pointed, "On a horsie!"

JJ furrowed his little brows, streaked in green paint as he shook his head, "Batman don't ride a horse, Em J."

But Em J stuck out his bottom lip and I swear it even quivered so JJ sighed and patted his head, "Okay, on a horse, Uncle B."

So I drew Batman ridin' a horse in a field of wildflowers and a rainbow behind it cuz JJ said Uncle Beady would like that.

Esme was piddlin' around the kitchen cookin' somethin' called tiramisu. I had no idea what it was but it smelled delicious. Jay and Jeremiah were lyin' on the floor with us fightin' over who got to color in the Superheroes colorin' book JJ had brought. JJ told 'em to take turns or he'd take it away, which totally made me snicker.

Jeremiah relented, lettin' Jay color the big picture of Superman which strangely ended up with blue eyes and yellow hair. I raised an eyebrow and he chuckled, "Eddie'll dig it."

When it started to get late, we cleaned up the mess we made and the boys run off to take their bath. JJ stripped right down in the livin' room before streakin' to the bathroom and I just shook my head as I chuckled.

Brady called while Jeremiah and Esme washed the boys and Jay was on the phone with Eddie.

I stepped outside to grab a smoke so I could talk to him.

I told him about the fun I had with the boys and about hangin' out with my cousins all day. We talked for a little while but he had to get up early cuz he had to open the coffee shop in the mornin' so I decided to wait and talk to him about the Angel situation when everyone was gone and we'd have more time.

But I felt a little better just hearin' his sweet, sleepy voice.

Once the boys were outta the bath, we lounged out on the couch and watched Aladdin. JJ giggled as he looked up from where he was layin' on my belly, "Uncle Beady looks like Aladdin. You don't look like Princess Jasmine though. Aladdin should fall in love with the genie! He's big and strong and funny like you, Uncle B! Plus, he grants wishes!"

I ruffled his hair as I smiled, "What would you wish for if you had three wishes?"

He bit his little pink lip as he went into deep thought before his eyes lit up and he counted off on his fingers, "I'd wish for daddy to marry Ali so she'd be my real mama. And I'd wish for papaw to not have to work so much. And I'd wish for everythin' to be made outta chocolate. And I'd wish for you to get to come home with us!"

Sweet little fucker.

I smiled as I rubbed his little head, "That's four wishes, buddy. You only get three."

He was thoughtful for a moment before he smiled, "I can live without the chocolate, Uncle B."

Jeremiah reached over at patted my shoulder as he smiled fondly at the little boy who looked just like him, "It's hard to believe he's mine, huh?"

I looked over at my cousin, who was much more like a brother to me, and smiled, "Nah, he's just much better lookin'."

He tagged my arm and called me a dick. JJ scolded him.

The boys were asleep by the end of the movie and I gave them and Esme my bed. I took the couch and my cousins crashed on the floor.

I was woke up in the middle of the night by a little hand tuggin' at my shorts and a soft whisper, "Uncle B? Hey Uncle B, you awake?"

My eyes opened as I focused on those little blue eyes, wide as he whispered, "I gotta pee and I don't like the dark. Will you go with me?"

"Yeah, I got you, buddy."

I swooped him up as he giggled. After he got done with his business, I started to pick him up again but he ran right past me, his little feet paddin' across the floor as he skidded into the kitchen and yanked open the fridge.

"I need a dink, Uncle B. Can I have some milk?"

Feelin' like he was hustlin' me, I chuckled as I pulled out a cup and poured him a glass of milk. He raised his hands and I lifted him up to sit on the counter as he took the cup and mumbled, "Tanks, Uncle B."

Then he grinned as he pointed to the plate of tiramisu covered in clear plastic wrap, "Get me some of dat and we can talk, Uncle B. I got lots to tell you."

Yeah, he fuckin' hustled me.

I pulled the bar stool over and poured me a glass of milk before gettin' us two pieces of the Italian stuff Esme made that smelled like heaven wrapped in sugar.

He took a big bite and hummed softly, "Mmm, divino…"

I furrowed my brows as I scooped up a bite on my fork, "What's that?"

With a mouth full of food, he smiled, "Heavenly in Italian…mamaw taught me dat."

Takin' a bite, I hummed in agreement, "Mamaw's pretty awesome, huh?"

He nodded as he took a big drink of his milk, then he wiped his mouth with his arm and sighed, "So, it's been awhile since you seen me. I turned four and lemme tell ya, Uncle B, four is way harder than three. I got…all these 'sponsibilities now. Like daddy makes me clean my room and then there's T ball and preschool. I like it but it's rough. I keep tellin' Em J to not try and grow up so fast cuz three is way easier than four…"

This boy was somethin' else. I grinned, dimples deep before I made myself make a serious face and nodded, "Yeah, that sounds pretty rough, buddy. You been doin' okay takin' all that on?"

"Oh yeah, Uncle B. I got dis. And daddy and Ali take good care o'me…they let me have cookies sometimes and take me to the park. Daddy always brings old bread so I can feed the ducks. They're my favorite, they look so cute when they waddle."

He wobbled back and forth to mimic them and it made my heart hurt cuz I wanted this all the time. I wanted to talk to him everyday and be there to take him to the park to feed the ducks. I wanted to be a permanent part of his life.

I had to figure out what I needed to do to get the fuck outta here and to Seattle with my family.

After about an hour of conversation and dessert, he passed out as he leaned against me. I hugged him to me as I carried him gently to the bed and tucked him in next to Esme. Then I grabbed one of my notepads from the nightstand drawer, my charcoal pencil, and my squares before I went out and sat on the step. I didn't have a chance to draw my nightmare out earlier so I flipped through the pages till I came to the very last page.

There were thick, black bars across the page but the door was drawn open and the color outdid all the darkness. I smiled as I slid my fingers across the picture of two monsters, a big one and a little one, on a sailboat in the middle of a crystal blue sea. Off in the distance, there was a big city with tall buildings against the backdrop of a bright rainbow.

I glanced down at my arm to see the little monster peekin' outta the shadows of ink and then the lyric, 'Sail away with me to another world…'

Brady musta got hold of this notepad last time he was here and drew this for me to find.

I chuckled and wiped at the sudden wetness in my eyes as I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. It was an ungodly hour so I sighed and stuck it back in my pocket, refusin' to wake him up this late no matter how bad I wanted to talk to him.

The sound of the door openin' made me turn my head to see Esme walkin' out with two mugs in her pajamas, robe, and pink slippers.

She sat down next to me as she offered me a mug, "It's chamomile tea. It will help you sleep, honey."

I smiled takin' a sip, I mumbled a soft "Thanks" and she sipped hers with a nod.

We were quiet as we drank our tea but it wasn't really uncomfortable and that was kinda nice. Eventually her soft voice spoke, "When I left Chicago, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I had never been away from my family and the thought devastated me. But Carlisle got offered a great job and Edward needed a change. The first few years were rough. Edward wasn't doing much better. Carlisle was always so busy with work and doing these amazing things in the community. I had given up my job, my friends, my family…I felt really alone for awhile. And then Jasper came into our lives like a flash of lightening…"

She looked over at me with a warm smile, "He reminded me of myself at his age. So quick to be grown and full of piss and vinegar. I loved him right away, the same as I did with Edward and I just knew…I knew he was going to change all of our lives. And here I am, seven years later with these amazing children who I've come to call my own and these incredible little boys that call me mamaw."

Her soft brown eyes were glistening as she put her arm around my shoulder and gently pulled me to her. I didn't resist much as I laid my head against her shoulder and closed my eyes while she rubbed my hair.

"I know that things are hard right now, sweetheart, but when I would call my mother, upset and lonely, she would always tell me 'This too shall pass.' She was right, it always did. And now when I go back to Chicago to visit, I miss my family…_this_ family. So whenever you get sad or lonely, I want you to remember that this too shall pass and there's a better day around the corner. You need to call me more, by the way."

I chuckled as I nodded against her shoulder, "I will. Promise. Thanks, Mama C."

She laughed softly as she squeezed me tight, "I love you, honey. You're mine and whenever you need a mama, you remember that you've got me. I get a little feisty sometimes over my boys but no one will hurt you as long as I have breath in my body."

I sniffled and cuddled into her a little. No woman had really held me like this before and it was really, really nice.

After goin' back to bed, I actually slept pretty good 'til Em J and JJ woke me up in the mornin' by divin' headfirst on my belly as they snuggled in my lap to watch Spongebob.

We spent the whole day together, hangin' out and eatin', watchin' TV and goin' to the park to feed the ducks. It was the best day I had in months but by the time they had to leave, I was gettin' sad again.

I said good-bye and they all made promises to come back as soon as they could. I tried callin' Brady when I got back home but I couldn't get hold of him and it made me worry cuz I hadn't talked to him much all day. He worked 'til the late afternoon then said he had a few errands to run but he'd talk to me as soon as he could.

But it was startin' to get dark outside and I ended up pacin' the house as I kept checkin' my phone.

The darkness rolled in as it started stormin' outside and I sat by the window and stared out at it as I tried to keep my nerves together. I kept mumblin' to myself, "This too shall pass…this too shall pass…" but it wasn't really helpin' much.

A sharp knock on the door made me jump as I furrowed my brow and stomped over to it, wonderin' who the hell was here this late.

"Who is it?"

"It's me! Open the door!"

My eyes went wide as I yanked open the door to see Brady standin' there drenched and shiverin' but with a huge smile on his face.

"Miss me?"

I broke into a grateful grin as I snatched him up, yankin' him inside and huggin' his soakin' little body to me as I rasped, "What are you doin' here?"

He melted into me as he whispered, "I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."

Closin' my eyes, I breathed in his scent of rain and cocoa butter as I held onto him tight, "You're here now, Princess…that's all that matters."

I wasn't dumb. I knew the little fucker was probably gonna skip classes for a day or two to be with me but I'd scold him later…right now, I was just really fuckin' grateful to have him here.

And even with the thunder and lightnin' shakin' the buildin', I knew that this storm had passed for now.


	25. Chapter 25

**Big, big thanks to Nan, my beta! You're awesome, girlie! You have no idea how much of a help you are to me with my stories. I appreciate you so much. **

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reading!**

**Brady's POV**

"Eddie, this sucks! I should be there! _Why?_ Why do I have to go to work? I do not have a future in coffee making and God knows I'm shit at customer service so why are you making me go?!"

Edward looked over at me, brows furrowed in confusion as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while we sat parked in front of the coffee shop, "Um…you asked for a ride?"

I huffed as I flopped back in the passenger's seat dramatically, "If I asked you to drive me off the side of a cliff would you do that too?"

"Not in my Volvo."

I glared over at him as I grumbled, "Jay's assholiness is rubbing off on you."

That caused him to chuckle, "I like when Jay's asshole rubs…"

Cutting him off with a hand in the air, I groaned, "Noooo! Don't get started about your super awesome sex life, Edward! I can't take it! It's been two months since I've gotten off with anything other than my hand and Barney! And now it's gonna be God knows how long before I get to ride Brandon like a bucking bronco so no! Please no sex talk."

"Barney?"

"My purple dildo. Ya know, I love him, he loves me…"

He just gave me a sad smile as he turned in his seat and grabbed my hand, "Brady, I know this is really difficult for you but if you and Brandon are meant to be then you'll find a way to make it work. Sex isn't everything…"

I pout just a little as I mumble, "Says the man who's getting it on the reg."

He huffs and I roll my eyes as I smirk over at him, "Don't act like you can go a day without getting the D, Edward. I know you. Hell, I've _seen_ you! You can barely be in the same room with him without getting inappropriate…"

His cheeks flare up scarlet as he grins, "Have you _seen_ my husband?"

"Yeah I get it. Have you _seen_ my boyfriend?"

He looks thoughtful for a moment then squeezes my hand, "I have. He's beautiful but um…I know this must be very difficult for you, Brady. Loving someone and not being _there_ is really scary. You wonder what they're doing, who they're with, are they okay, do they need you too…"

His grass green eyes look out through the window but his mind is somewhere else as he whispers, "It makes you feel crazy…like you're going to jump right out of your skin to get to them because the pull, the draw is just too strong to fight…"

Then he blushes as grins, dropping his chin and pinching the bridge of his nose as he chuckles, "This is not exactly the motivational speech I was going for."

But it kinda was because Edward knew exactly how I felt.

Wiping the dust from eye and sniffling, I squeeze his hand back as I give him a sad smile, "Yeah, but it's nice to know I'm not crazy because that is exactly how I feel. I mean, Brandon's strong…tough…but emotionally he's so fragile and I feel like I should be there, ya know? Like he needs me…maybe I should just skip classes the next couple of days."

He bites his lip and sighs, "The first quarter is almost up, Brady. You really don't want to do anything to jeopardize your grades. You've got that scholarship…"

Scrubbing my hands over my face, I groan, "Ugh, I know. You're right. It just…ugh, it sucks. Well, I better get in there. Thanks for the ride, Eddie."

"I'll be at work when you get off. Do you have a ride home?"

"Yeah, Suzie's gonna pick me up."

"Okay, text me later, Brady. I love you."

Reaching over, I give him a quick hug and sigh, "Love you too, Ed."

I pull myself out of the car and trudge into work, eager to get the day over with.

But as it turns out, I'm way too distracted and the day quickly turns to crap on a stick.

I'm cleaning up my fourth spill of the day as I grumble apparently loud enough to hear because there's a chuckle behind me and I turn to see Oliver throwing away an empty coffee cup.

"Bad day?" he smiles as he loosens his tie a bit. It's dark blood red and really accents the thin red pinstripe in the charcoal suit he wears.

And the charcoal really makes his gray eyes pop.

I offer a small smile back, "Hey Oliver. Didn't see you come in."

He slips his hands in his pockets as he rolls on the balls of his feet, "You must've been on break…or treating your hands for third degree burns."

He smirks and I roll my eyes, snorting as I push the mop bucket back against the wall.

"Yeah, it's been a bad day. My, um, boyfriend got some bad news."

I don't know why I'm talking to him about this but in the past couple of months he has become a sort of an acquaintance.

He's not creepy or weird…he doesn't, like, put the moves on me or anything. He doesn't wait for me to serve him if one of the other registers is open and he doesn't usually say much beyond 'hello' and to maybe ask how classes are going. He actually seems like a pretty decent guy.

I'm reminded of that when his smile fades, "Oh, I'm sorry. I hope it isn't anything too serious."

I sigh as I lean against the counter and rake my hand through my hair. Normally I would be opposed to such fuckery of my coif but I'm cranky and sweaty and sad.

"No, it's just…I should be with him right now, you know? He's hurting and I should be there but I can't because I've got this stupid job. No offense Nancy," I shoot to my manager who's chuckling as she passes. She thinks Oliver is really handsome and I'm too nice to tell her that he swims in a beaver-free zone.

He looks down as he laughs softly, then he leans against the counter next to me and whispers, "My brother-in-law is a human resource director at the art museum. I have it on very good authority that the cashier in the gift shop is leaving at the end of next week and they haven't filled her position yet. I'm having lunch with my sister on Wednesday, I could put in a word for you, if you like? It's not much but it could get your foot in the door. You are an art major after all, and quite frankly I'm a little concerned for your safety and the safety of others when you handle scalding hot liquids."

I snort again as I roll my eyes. Then I smile as I lean a little closer and whisper, "Really? That would be awesome, Oliver. Thank you."

Straightening back up, he nods, "Do you work Wednesday night?"

"Um, yeah."

"I'll stop by then, let you know what they say."

I straighten back up as well and smile, "Groovy. Thanks again, I really appreciate it."

He gives me another small smile and nod as he starts to leave but then stops and turns back around with a chuckle, "You should go be with your boyfriend when your shift is over. I can't imagine anyone being around you and not feeling better. Bye, Brady."

That makes me blush as I mumble a quick goodbye.

The rest of the afternoon isn't as bad as the first part but I'm still upset about Brandon. I know the rest of the family will be on their way back to Seattle soon and my poor baby will be all alone. I hate it. Hate that I'm not the one who's there comforting him and reassuring him that I'm not going anywhere.

I love Brandon. I wanna be with him. Forever. Or as long as he'll have me because what if he gets tired of waiting? What if he decides the distance is too much and he needs someone more accessible?

The thought makes my stomach churn and on my second break, I'm buying an airplane ticket on my phone. Suzie shouldn't mind taking me to the airport; at least I hope she won't mind. I don't really have enough time before the flight leaves to get some clothes but luckily I've kept a few things at Brandon's house so he'll just have to endure me showing up in these god-awful khakis and my "Hill of Beans Café" polo that is absolutely ridiculous.

But it doesn't matter how awful I look; I need to be with him, like now.

Because the thing is, I was really disappointed too. I mean, I had plans. I already cleaned out space in my closet and cleared a few of my dresser drawers in anticipation of having him come home to me. I really thought they would say yes. He had been doing so good! What if this made him backslide?

And now it's six more months! Six freakin' months! He wouldn't be here for Christmas or Thanksgiving or Halloween…my birthday.

I wouldn't be waking up to his head on my chest and my fingers tangled in his hair or fall asleep watching our shows all curled up together on the couch. I've even been taking Spartacus to the dog park so he can get used to being around other dogs so he and Dolly would get along.

This sucked. It really, really sucked.

The only thing that was gonna help was being able to hold him in my arms, feel his heart beating against mine through his broad chest…to know for sure and see with my own eyes that he was truly okay.

Because if he was okay, then I would be okay too.

By the time Suzie picked me up, I was practically vibrating with anxiety.

"So, um…would you mind taking me to the airport?"

She smirked over at me with that trademark Whitlock dimple and laughed, "I packed you a bag. It's in the trunk. I got your schoolbooks too so ya can get some studyin' done when he's workin'. And here ya go, freshen up 'fore we get there…"

I grabbed the little bag she tossed at me and beamed at her when I saw baby wipes, deodorant, a brush, and toothpaste and toothbrush.

"How did you…"

With a twinkle in her blue eyes, she smiled, "Well, duh. You're my best friend. I know you, boo bear. Now, hurry up and get changed, we'll be at the airport in twenty minutes."

She motioned to a pile of clothes in the back seat and I couldn't help but reach over and kiss her cheek, "You're the best, Suzie."

Flipping her hair dramatically over her shoulder, she just smirked, "I know. Now get back there and take ya a whore bath."

I crawled into the back seat and stripped down as I wiped myself off with the baby wipes and hoped I wouldn't smell too bad when I got there. I put on deodorant and pulled on the tight black jeans and red graphic tee she brought me. Once I was about as good as I was gonna get, I slipped back into the front seat and brushed my teeth using the bottled water she had.

By the time we arrived at the airport, I felt a little better and certainly smelled a little better. Suzie waited with me until it was time to board the plane. When it was time for me to go, she gave me a big hug and smiled, "There's a little somethin' in your bag from me to Brandon. I know you'll take good care of him, Brady. He can be a broody little ass sometimes but he's really just a big ol' sad puppy dog. Tell him I love him."

"I will, Suzie. Promise. Thanks again for everything."

"Anytime, sugar booger. Love ya."

"Love you, too."

The flight seemed like it took forever and the taxi ride to Brandon's place dragged on and on but when he yanked open the door, I didn't even care that I was getting soaking wet from standing in the thunderstorm.

"Miss me?" I smiled, pushing my slick hair back out of my eyes.

He grabbed me, hoisting me up in his arms with not a care in the world that I was sopping wet as he held me tightly against him.

"What are you doin' here?" he rasped against my ear and I melted into him as I sighed.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."

"You're here now, Princess…that's all that matters."

When he set me back down on my feet, I bounced up on my tippy toes, arms still latched around his neck as I nipped at his scruffy chin, "This doesn't change anything. You know that, right, baby? You know I'm not going anywhere…"

I trailed off as I bit and licked along his collarbone and shoulder while his arms tightened around my waist. He groaned, low and deep, as his hands cupped my ass and he rasped, "Don't want you to go nowhere, Princess…want you right here with me…miss you when you're gone."

Smiling against his neck, I whispered, "I miss you too. Now welcome me home properly…"

He chuckled and I could feel the rumble against my body as he whispered, "I like it when you call this home…"

Peppering kisses along his neck, I started to mumble something ridiculously cheesy like 'this is my home' as I press my hand against his chest, feeling the strong beat of his heart beneath it but then I heard the tapping of excited little paws on the entryway.

Pulling away from Brandon, I crouched down and gave Dolly lots of rubs because she looked like she was about to go into convulsions if I didn't pet her right this instant.

Brandon chuckled, raking a hand through his sexy blond hair as he smiled down at us, "She missed her papa."

I scratched her up and down, chuckling as she covered my face in little doggy kisses.

"I missed her too. Oh my God, she's gotten so big!"

"Yeah, she thinks she's still little though. I been workin' on her not jumpin' on people."

He bent down and scratched behind her ears as he told her what a good girl she was being.

After she rolled over on her back to get belly scratches, Brandon chuckled, "Alright, baby girl, you gotta let daddy get some alone time with papa now, okay? Go on. Couch."

She whimpered and he looked at her with a raised brow as he chuckled, "Couch, Dolly, be a good girl."

Rolling back over to her paws, she huffed and trotted off to the couch, jumping up on the cushion and laying down with an annoyed little sigh.

I stood up and grinned at him, "She's really good. You're doing a great job training her."

He shrugged as he gripped my hips and looked down at me through lidded baby blue eyes, "Yeah, I got lots of time to spend with her. But I ain't got enough time with you so let's get back to that proper welcome, Princess."

I slid my arms back around his neck and sighed as he leaned down to kiss me soundly. It wasn't crazy, frantic like how it usually is the second I bounce through the door; it was deep and slow and full of relief at finally being together again.

Tangling my fingers in his hair, I moan softly against his ear as he gently starts peeling my wet shirt up over my head and drops it to the floor. Then he's trailing soft, wet kisses down my neck, his scruff tickling and scratching my oversensitive skin just right as I slide my fingers underneath his t-shirt, dancing along the hard muscles of his stomach and brushing through the soft dust of hair at his navel.

He barely pulls away as he tears his shirt over his head one-handed and drops it to the floor with mine and resumes the slow, gentle torture of soft, wet kisses along my collarbone. Falling to his knees in front of me, I gasp when he latches onto a nipple and begins undoing the button on my jeans. My back falls against the door as he starts to pull off my shoes, all the while nipping and licking his way down my chest.

Once my shoes are off, he's peeling down my jeans and underwear, scruff driving me crazy as he buries his nose in the short hair around the base of my cock. My back arches, hands digging in the hair at the nape of his neck as his hands slide back up my bare thighs. I'm hard against the scruff of his cheek when he licks a long stripe up the underside of my cock before slurping the head between his lips.

My fingers tighten in his hair and one hand braces on his shoulder while he takes me down his throat, slow and easy like he's savoring the taste of me on his tongue. It's enough to drive me crazy with desire but then his hand is gripping the bottom of my thigh and lifting it up until one leg is wrapped around his shoulder. My head falls back against the door, eyes squeezed shut as that perfect mouth bobs up and down so slowly that I'm sure I'm gonna die at any moment.

But oh what a sweet way to go.

I moan his name breathlessly as I feel his wet finger teasing and circling around my hole and I stutter out in a rasp so low and broken that it even surprises me.

"Oh fuck, Brandon…please baby…need it so bad…"

I get what I want when I feel his thick finger pushing inside of me. It's more slow torture as he sucks me down deep, burying his nose at the base of my cock while he strokes me softly on the inside, just teasing my prostate as I push myself against him for more.

He's not relenting on the steady pace, hand against my hip to keep me from fucking myself on his big, thick finger. One hand is still tangled in his hair, the other flails out absently scraping against the door behind me as another finger pushes inside of me. My back arches into him as my heel digs into his back, the other foot cemented to the floor to keep my balance.

This delicious torture lasts for ages until my thighs are burning and my chest is heaving while he dips his tongue into the wet slit of my cock and fucking moans as the sticky tip leaks into the scruff on his chin.

That's it…I'm done for. My body constricts around his fingers and I'm gasping out a strangled, "Brandon…" as I begin to cum. He laps at the milky, white stream, letting it pool on his tongue before he swallows the head into his mouth to take the rest of it.

My body is so relaxed as it droops against the door, my thighs burning already from the exertion that it completely takes me by surprise when he shifts his weight and lifts my other leg and onto his shoulder as he bounces up on his feet, bringing me with him.

I gasp and flail forward wrapping my arms tight around his head as he holds me easily above him, both legs wrapped around his shoulders. My cock is still surprisingly hard as it now lays nestled on that scruffy cheek as Brandon looks up at me with a wicked grin that causes it to twitch in anticipation.

Sometimes I forget just how big and strong he actually is.

I can't help but giggle like an idiot as I curl and contort my body to press my lips to his. It's a stretch but I'm pretty flexible so I start licking out my tongue and give him kitten licks to lap up the rest of my cum in his scruff.

He groans a pitiful sound as he rasps, "Fuck, Brady, can you suck your own dick?"

I can't suck it, but I can lick it…don't ask me how I know that.

So I give him my own little evil grin as I lean down just enough to slide my tongue along the still sticky tip.

His eyes are so lidded I can barely see the blue, and his Adam's apple is bobbing like crazy. Then I feel fumbling and hear the sound of his basketball shorts hitting the floor. A moment later, I'm being pulled down to wrap my legs around his waist as he grunts, "God damn it, we need lube…hang on, Princess…"

Then I'm giggling as he carries me with him across the room to grab a bottle of lube from his nightstand drawer. I'm prepared to be thrown down on the bed but he just turns right back around and walks us back to the door.

I chuckle against his shoulder as I kiss it, "No bed?"

But my back hits the door and the sound of him slicking up his cock makes me crazy as he huffs, "Fuck that God damn bed…"

Then he's pushing into me with a groan and that little trick must've really got him worked up because he wasn't being slow and gentle now, no, he was pounding into me, frantically pushing me half way up the door before slamming me back down onto his stiff cock.

All I could do was hold on as he fucked me, harsh grunts of pleasure snarling from his lips and rough fingertips digging into my ass cheeks.

He was growling raspy dirty things like, "Take that motherfuckin' dick…you like that, huh, like my big dick in your tight little ass…fuckin' tell me, Brady…"

I was a dripping, aching mess of pleasure as I breathlessly answered him while I bounced up and down on his cock.

"Yes, Brandon…love it…love your dick…feels so good…need it…yes, baby, yes…"

He had one arm underneath my ass as the other one came up, his hand grabbing the back of my neck as he pulled me in for a wet, sloppy kiss.

Holding me tight against him so that I was barely moving, I could feel him cum inside me, his dick swelling and bursting liquid heat as he whimpered into my mouth. I was so close again that a few tugs at my cock had me shooting my nut all over his chest.

We kissed through stuttered breaths until he finally broke away, hand tangled in my hair as he leaned his damp forehead against mine and whispered, "I love you, Brady."

I smiled with my eyes closed and nipped his scruffy chin, "Love you too, Brandon."

He grinned, blue eyes sparkling as he peppered my face with kisses, "Bet you're hungry…"

I laughed, pushing against his shoulder as I smiled, "Famished."

Sex always made me hungry.

So we showered quickly and soon I was sitting on the countertop wearing only my undies and one of his long white t-shirts as he made us some grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

Swinging my feet back and forth, I smiled as I handed him the package Suzie sent him.

"It's from Suzie. She says she loves you."

He takes the little package with a grin and tears open the wrapper. Then he's laughing as he mumbles, "That girl's pure evil…"

"What is it?" I lean closer and raise an eyebrow at the two DVD's; The Princess Bride and Beauty and the Beast.

His scruffy cheeks are crimson as he holds them up and laughs, "I used to watch movies with her a lot when she was a kid…"

_You were a kid too, baby…_

"And these were two of my favorites. I made her watch Beauty and the Beast so much that she eventually hid it so I'd quit grabbin' it whenever I chose the movie."

I smiled and wondered how I got so lucky that I could have the heart of a man as incredible as Brandon Whitlock.

"Cool, I love those movies! We can watch one if you want while we eat?"

He set the movies down and nodded as he picked up the spoon, suddenly very focused on stirring the soup.

"Um, hey Brady?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I, uh…you know how much I love you, right? Like you know I ain't ever felt for nobody what I feel for you, ya feel me?"

My heart dropped as I looked at his huddled shoulders and the blond hair being tucked behind his ear.

"Um, yeah, I know," I whispered, afraid of what was coming next because I was terrified it was gonna be followed with a 'but'.

"I kinda need to talk to you 'bout somethin'…but I don't want you gettin' upset."

My palms were itchy with nerves as I gripped the countertop and rasped, "I won't. Just tell me, Brandon."

_Don't freak out, Brady, just don't freak out…_

He scooped out the sandwiches and slid them on a plate before setting down the spatula, turning off the stove, and turning towards me. His arms were wrapped around himself and he looked down at the ground, blond hair hanging in front of his face as he spoke.

"I ran into Angel's sister the other day…"

He told me everything that happened and I felt guilty for being so relieved that this is what he wanted to talk about instead of something like he loved me _but_ this wasn't gonna work out.

When he was done telling me everything, he stared at the floor again, hiding behind his hair. He didn't seem to know what to do with his hands, and I could almost swear he was holding his breath. So I reached my feet out and hooked them on his hips, shimmying him closer as I grabbed him by the arms and tugged him the rest of the way to stand between my thighs. When I got him close enough, I reached up and cupped his jaw as I whispered, "You okay, baby?"

His eyes snapped up to mine as he furrowed his brows, "You ain't mad?"

I leaned up to press my lips to his. Then I pulled away and spoke softly, "Of course not. I think it's good for you to finally _know_ that what happened to Angel wasn't your fault. It was a horrible, sad thing but it wasn't your fault and you couldn't have prevented it no matter how much you wanted to. I think it's really sweet of his sister to let you know that. As far as the barbecue, I won't tell you to go or not, I'll just let you know that whatever decision you make, I'm with you. If you wanna go, I could go with you…if you don't, that's okay too."

He smiled in surprise, as his baby blue eyes shining with relief as they looked back and forth between mine. He cradled my jaw in his big hand, thumb stroking my cheek gently, "You'd go with me?"

I give him little kisses all over his face as I chuckle, "Of course!"

He grabs my face and plants a big, fat kiss on my lips. Then he pulls away smiling as he grabs two bowls and starts to pour our soup. We skip the movie and just sit at the counter, him on a barstool, me on the countertop, as we eat and talk.

.

.

.

"Yeah, I get why you freaked out, Brandon. The judge sounds like a dick but believe it or not, you still did pretty well considering…"

He shrugged his shoulders, dipping his last bite of the sandwich into the soup as he sighed, "Yeah, I know, I mean I didn't go to jail or nothin' so that was pretty good for me but still I shoulda known, ya know? Shoulda seen it comin' from a mile away. I just feel stupid for even thinkin' they'd let me leave early."

I swallow my bite and nudge his hand so he'll look up at me. When he does, I smile, "It's not stupid. It's good to have hope. And we were all pretty much blindsided, you know? I kinda thought Carlisle was Superman and could make things happen just by willing it, but none of us ever had to deal with this sort of thing before. We had no idea what we were up against and we should've been smarter about it. I'm sorry you got so letdown."

His lips quirked into a soft, sad smile as he patted my thigh and looked up at me, "_I_ shoulda known. But yeah, it sucks. I was really lookin' forward to livin' with you, Brady."

Trailing my hand along his scruffy cheek, I gave him a sad smile back as I whispered, "Yeah, me too."

Scooting down into his lap, I laid my head against his chest, cuddling up to him as he wrapped his big, strong arms around me.

For a while we were quiet, just content to hold onto one another until his raspy whisper broke through the silence.

"When I was sixteen I was…this monster. I been on the streets awhile and I was so fuckin' sick of it. I hooked up with some guys, started sellin' dope…whatever I could get my hands on. But I wasn't real good at it; I wanted to do it more than I wanted to sell it. So, then I figured robbin' would be easier. People were scared of me, always have been…but they was _real_ scared of me when I had a gun pointed in their face as I was takin' their shit."

My heart raced at the images floating through my head of the monster he saw himself as. And maybe he was…maybe he'd always have a little of that monster in him but I refused to believe that that was all he is.

"Brandon, why are you…"

I wanted to know why he was telling me this. Was this some sort of confession? The need to just say these things aloud?

His eyes snapped to mine, hauntingly clear blue as he whispered, "The judge told me that one of the cops I assaulted had his jaw wired shut for six months. I know I should feel bad…should feel remorse or somethin'…but I don't. I can't bring myself to give a shit no matter how hard I try...and I really wanna, ya know? Wanna feel somethin' so I know I ain't a monster…but maybe I just am and there ain't nothin' I can do about it."

Biting my lip, I mulled this over for a moment before asking, "Is it just with cops you feel no remorse?"

He shook his head and sighed, long and hard, "No. Mostly cops though. I mean, I don't feel bad 'bout _all_ the people I hurt but I do feel bad 'bout the ones that was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"So, you don't feel bad if you felt they deserved it, right? Like if they provoked you."

"Yeah," he rasped out, "That's okay, right? Should I feel bad about them?"

Even with a subject so serious, I found my heart melting at how childlike and innocent he could really be sometimes.

"Well, probably not all of them, like the ones who were trying to hurt you but maybe some of them. I mean, like I know some cops are assholes but some of them are really decent people…"

Rolling his eyes, he snorted in protest but I pushed my finger to his lips and protested back, "Wait, let me finish."

He sighed and lifted an eyebrow but didn't talk back so I continued.

"So, um, when my parents kicked me out I sorta moved in with my Uncle Billy and my cousin Jacob. Jake dated this girl, Bella. Her dad is the town sheriff. She was kind of annoying but her dad – Charlie - was actually very nice. He was giving her a ride over to see Jake because her piece of shit truck wasn't running. Anyway, Charlie's friends with Uncle Billy so he came in to chat for a bit and um…well, he saw my face. My father hit me pretty hard the night before and um…well, you know, it was pretty ugly."

I felt him tense underneath me and I stroked my fingers down the veins in his arms, hoping to soothe him.

"Uncle Billy told him about what happened and Charlie was so angry for me. He really wanted to call Child Protective Services but I begged him not to, even though it was his sworn duty to call it in. I was terrified that I'd be taken away and I had finally found friends, ya know? Real friends who I didn't wanna leave. It was the first time I ever really felt like I was part of a family and I didn't want to lose that. Anyway, I was freaking out. I called Emmett and within twenty minutes, here comes the cavalry. Emmett, Rose, Alice, and the Cullen's all show up. I was scared that they wouldn't. Edward was in the hospital and Jay was just gone…I figured they had bigger problems and that I wouldn't even matter much now that Edward and Jay weren't there because I started off as their friend, but everyone came. Carlisle and Uncle Billy worked it out with Charlie, said they'd keep me safe and away from trouble. So he said he'd turn a blind eye as long as I was taken care of."

Brandon sighed, brow furrowed as he mumbled, "I guess that was pretty nice of him. I wouldn't wanna think of you in one of them state homes."

Smiling, I keep trailing my fingers up and down his bicep as I whisper, "Yeah, me neither. They wouldn't appreciate my fabulousness. So anyway, the point is, he's a decent guy. And this cop that you hurt, maybe he was decent too. Maybe he has a family, ya know?"

"He was a dick," he muttered gruffly and I shrugged.

"Yeah, maybe he _was_ but maybe he was just scared. I mean, you said it yourself, you were being a monster. I remember Charlie getting roughed up one time during a burglary and Bella was just devastated. I mean, her dad was really all she had, her mother wasn't around much. Maybe the guy he arrested had a reason for why he was robbing someone but Charlie was just trying to do his job…trying to keep people safe. I know maybe that doesn't help much…"

With a soft smile, he moved his arm from around me to capture my hand as he nodded, "Yeah it kinda does help. It's hard for me to see things from the other side but the thought of someone like you or Carlisle gettin' hurt or robbed is real bad. I'd want the cops to keep you safe. Maybe I oughtta find that guy, that cop I hurt…maybe I oughtta apologize? Would that be dumb? I mean, he'd probably tell me to fuck off but I don't know…"

Leaning down, I kissed his lips as I mumbled, "Mmm, I think that's a great start, baby."

Then I sighed as I pulled my hand away to trace the monster in the shadows of his ink, "You know, you really don't have to hide behind the monster anymore. I know being just an ordinary human is kind of scary but you're braver now…stronger and smarter…you don't have to be a big, bad monster anymore, you can just be you and I think that the real you is pretty sweet."

He leaned forward, laying his head on my shoulder as he sighed, "You're really smart, Brady…I'm real glad you come to see me."

Kissing his forehead, I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his hair as I whispered, "Yeah, me too, Brandon."

.

.

.

.

"So, you skippin' out on work and school again to come to my rescue?"

I roll my eyes as I hand him the skillet I just washed so he could rinse.

"No. I mean, yeah kinda but my assignments won't be due until the end of the week so I'm just missing lecture. And that's not a big deal because I can just bum notes off of someone. I don't have to work again until Wednesday so I'm okay there. Oh, I forgot to tell you! This guy, Oliver, who I'm sorta friends with, is trying to hook me up with a job at the art museum! I mean, it's just a cashier job in the gift shop but still, it gets my foot in the door and totally beats working at the coffee shop."

"Who's Oliver?"

I rolled my eyes again as I handed him a soapy bowl, "I told you, he's sort of a friend, more like an acquaintance really. I met him at the coffee shop. Don't get jealous, he's like old and totally not my type anyway."

Brandon looks down at me with an eyebrow raised as he scrubs the bowl a little harder than necessary, "I'm old."

"Oh my God, Brandon, you are not old! You're like seven years older than me, it's not a big deal…"

"But you like older men…"

"No, I like _you_."

"What about Liam Neeson? Or Sean Connery? Kevin Spacey? John Cusack?"

"They're movie stars! It's totally different! And I told him I wasn't interested so you have no reason to be jealous!"

My eyes went wide and I almost slapped my hand across my mouth but it was covered with suds.

"He hit on you?"

He turned off the water as he looked down at me, his face deadly serious as I stammered, "Um, well once but it was months ago. I told him I was in love with you so no thanks."

Grabbing a kitchen towel, he dried his hands off and threw it on the counter as he walked away to get his cigarettes, "But you're still talkin' to him…"

"I kinda have to talk to him, Brandon, he's a customer at the coffee shop."

He just rolled his eyes and stepped out onto the porch, slamming the door behind him. I couldn't believe he was getting so upset about nothing!

One guy hits on me and he acts like it's a huge freakin' deal when I bet he gets hit on constantly…holy crap, he gets hit on constantly…not by old guys but by adorable little twinks at the club when he goes out with Lexi and only God knows what kind of people at the tattoo shop.

And now I'm kinda pissed as I step out onto the porch, thankful that his t-shirt comes to my knees.

"Don't act like you don't get hit on, Brandon. I know better, okay. I'm not stupid. That night I went with you to the club, boys were practically flinging themselves at you."

His stormy blue eyes snapped to mine as he huffed out a cloud of smoke and snarled, "Yeah, they do fuckin' hit on me…and I shut 'em down. I don't keep fuckin' talkin' to 'em like I wanna be fuckin' friends, Brady. And I sure as Hell wouldn't let one of 'em get me a job. So what, he gets you this job and then you owe him?"

My mouth dropped open and tears stung my eyes as I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed, "Is that what you think of me? That because some man helped me get a job that I would repay him in what, blow jobs? This may be a big shocker to you, Brandon, but I am capable of being friends with a man without wanting to fuck him. As much as you like to accuse me, I'm not actually a slut."

"I didn't say you…"

"No, you insinuated it."

He growled, flipping his cigarette into the alley as he yanked me down to sit on his lap.

"I'm sorry, okay? This is just…this fuckin' sucks, Brady. I trust you, I do…I just can't be there, ya know? I can't scare these assholes off and I can't help you with findin' a new job…I can't do any-fuckin-thing but sit here on my god damn ass and pray to fuck knows who that you don't realize you could do so much better than me…"

I sniffle and he wipes away the wetness underneath my glasses with his thumb.

"Brandon, when are you going to realize that I want _you_? Only you? That I love you and I don't care about what a man can do for me…I can do for myself, I'm a man too. All I want is someone to love me and trust me and treat me like I'm the best gift in the whole world! You make me feel like that - when you're not being an asshole."

He sighs heavily, pulling me closer as he lays his head against my shoulder and whispers, "You're the best gift I ever got, Brady…I'm sorry for bein' an asshole, I just get…I get scared sometimes that this ain't gonna be enough for you…"

I run my fingers through his hair as I lay my cheek against the top of his head and sigh, "I get scared of the same thing, Brandon. But if we don't trust each other, especially with our situation, then we don't have anything. It has to be enough when I tell you that I love you and I'm not leaving you. Ever."

We were quiet for a minute, just holding onto each other when he whispered my biggest fear out loud, "What if I can't ever get my parole moved and I'm stuck here for over three more years? That's a long time and you're so young…"

"I don't care. However long it takes, Brandon…"

"You'll be outta fuckin' college by then, Brady…it ain't fair of me to keep you from enjoyin' these years…these are supposed to be the best years of your life…"

"They are. They _are_ the best because I have you. Contrary to popular belief, college kinda sucks. I'm not invited to the big parties and wouldn't wanna go even if I was. All I have are my friends, my dogs, and you. You're not holding me back from anything, Brandon. If I didn't have you, I'd just have a lot of lonely nights in front of the TV eating junk food until the Freshman 15 turned into the Senior 60. And I know you appreciate a fat ass but that's just ridiculous."

He snorted, burying his face in my neck as he chuckled, "You're fuckin' ridiculous, Princess."

I smiled against his hair as I pressed my lips and gave him a kiss, "I know. But you love me."

His arms tighten around me as he whispers, "I really do."

"I love you, too. And whatever happens, happens. We'll cross whatever bridge we have to cross when we get there, okay? We don't get a lot of time together so let's not waste it by arguing about stupid stuff."

"Okay. Good luck with the new job, by the way. I hope you get it."

"Thanks, babe. I hope I do, too."

.

.

.

We spent the rest of the night cuddled together watching TV and just hanging out. When I woke up in the morning, he still had me locked in his arms as he spooned me. I had to shimmy my way out to get to the bathroom and when I walked back in the room, he was awake, sitting against the headboard and rubbing his eyes.

"Morning, Daddy…" I giggled as I crawled back into bed with him and curled up against him.

He snuggled me back as he chuckled, low and raspy, "Mornin' Sunshine."

We fooled around in bed for the better part of the morning before finally dragging ourselves out into the world. We had breakfast and took Dolly to the dog park. It made me a little sad that people would run up to her, petting her head and talking about how pretty she was, only to back away after asking what breed she was. She wasn't a bad dog. She wasn't vicious or mean. She just wanted belly rubs and someone to pet her little head.

She was kinda perfect for Brandon that way.

Brandon had to go to work for a few hours that afternoon when someone specifically requested him to do their ink and instead of doing my homework, I decided to tag along when he asked if I wanted to.

"You sure it's okay," I asked as I trailed behind him into the shop.

He grinned as he grabbed my hand to pull me along, "S'fine, Princess."

I was a little nervous since he was at 'work' but Sig, Lou Anne, Lexi, and Bones were all smiles when I walked in. Lexi and Lou Anne gave me hugs, Sig gave me the standard head-nod, "Sup" combination, and Bones grabbed me a little stool from his workspace so I could sit in Brandon's room while he worked.

But when I walked into Brandon's room, my mouth dropped open as I looked at the little mirror over his sink.

I looked at Brandon who was just grinning with a blush on his scruffy cheeks. I broke into a grin to as I walked closer to see all the pictures he had taped up on it. There were photos of all of us together the first time we came here. There were a few of JJ and Em J, some of Brandon and all his little cousins as kids, and then there were photos of me…photos of us together, faces smushed together as we smiled like goofballs at the camera.

I smiled as I ran my finger over a picture of him kissing my cheek as I blushed deeply but grinned like a fool.

"I can't believe you have these up here."

"I like to look at you."

"You're not worried about what, ya know, people will think?"

He grinned as he started setting up a tray filled with ink and needles, "Fuck 'em. If they don't like it they can go somewhere else."

Sitting on the stool, I chuckled, "It's good to know I'm not the only one that's shit at customer service."

A few minutes later his client arrived. He was young, extremely skinny, and a little dirty but he seemed nice enough. Brandon introduced him as 'Ghost' and he was okay with me sitting in. He even knew who I was, saying that Brandon talked about me.

I watched Brandon work on the boy's back and was fascinated as I stared in awe at the piece of art in front of me.

On the boy's pale back were faded photographs, torn and tattered images of a family all connected by shadows and smoke, with numbers of all shapes and sizes blended into the fog like something out of a trippy Alice in Wonderland.

"Wow, Brandon, this is…" I didn't even have words as he blushed while creating a hazy '62' in the shadows.

Ghost turned his face toward me and smiled, "I know, right…man's a genius…"

And then he told me the story of how he walked in here 62 days ago with a bunch of old photographs of his family. His mom, dad, and little brother were all killed in a fire a week before and after the funeral, he ended up here. He had been addicted to meth for two years prior to them dying and when he came in here, he was a mess.

Brandon sat on the floor with him while he had a breakdown, saying that he wanted to do something in honor of them for being such a shitty son and brother…that he was trying to get clean.

Brandon took the photos and put them together for him, coming up with the whole idea of the piece on his back. The numbers represent different things…the number of days he's been clean…his little brother's birthday…his parent's wedding anniversary. Brandon told him that when he got to 365 and had been clean a whole year, the tattoo would be done.

So every two weeks when he got paid, he came here and got a little more of the photos colored in and another number added.

Brandon was bright red when the boy was finished telling me his story, not forgetting to say that Brandon saved his life that day he walked in here a fucking mess.

And I think I fell a little more in love with him, if such a thing is even possible.

After Ghost left, Brandon was cleaning up his area as I doted on him. He tried to play it off like it was nothing but I knew better. He had a beautiful soul.

Later that evening when we were pulling up to the barbecue at Angel's family's house, I started thinking maybe this was a really bad idea; Brandon was practically oozing anxiety, unsure if he wanted to do this or not. I suggested we just drive-by, maybe park a minute across the street and he could decide if he wanted to go in.

He looked about two seconds away from bolting when I grabbed his hand and smiled, "It smells really good in there."

A soft smile came to his face as he squeezed my hand. Looking down at the steering wheel, his hair covered his face as he mumbled something in Spanish.

Reaching over to tuck his hair behind his ear, I sigh softly, "What was that?"

He grinned, blue eyes flashing to mine as he chuckled, "It smells like heaven wrapped in a tortilla and dipped in cheese. Jeremiah said that once."

I smiled, "He was right. So, what do you think? You wanna give this a go? Sounds like fun too."

It did sound fun, the bellowing of laughter and the fast beat of the music, in which I didn't understand a word but loved the rhythm.

I thought this might be good for him. From what he told me, Angel's sister made it sound like they would be thrilled to meet him. I was nervous, being the boyfriend and all. I mean, what if they didn't want me here? It made me really uncomfortable but even my unease didn't seem bad compared to how anxious Brandon looked.

"Or, we can leave if you want," I whispered as I grabbed his hand again.

He groaned, reaching for the key in the ignition when a voice called out, "Brandon! You made it!"

Our eyes snapped up to a girl I assumed was Melitta, leaning into Brandon's window as she bounced on her toes.

"Who's this?" she grinned at me in a sing-song voice as Brandon looked down at his lap again.

He mumbled, "Um…this is Brady. He's my boyfriend."

I reached my hand across but she just rolled her eyes as she laughed, "No way! Get outta the truck and come hug me!"

I couldn't help but smile as I got out of the truck and she bear tackled me into a big hug.

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you! You're the cutest little thing ever!"

Brandon was chuckling as he got out of the truck, raking a hand through his hair as he grinned at me.

Then she grabbed Brandon with the other arm, pulling him down as he stumbled into a hug. Then she was dragging us off into the back yard as she rambled off names of people we passed.

It was packed, people dancing and eating and talking. There were long tables setup with so much food that I was pretty sure my stomach rumbled. But I couldn't hear it over the steady beat of the music.

I politely pulled myself away from Melitta and walked around to Brandon's other side. Casting a glance up at him, he looked down at me and I could see the unease in his baby blues clearly.

There were too many people here, he didn't know any of them, and it was making him edgy.

His hands were shoved in his pockets but he wasn't looking down at the ground like I thought he would, his head was up, eyes alert as he watched everyone with a less than friendly look of caution on his face.

He looked like he could attack at a moment's notice and my hand itched to reach for his but I was a little apprehensive.

We came to a stop at a long picnic table with several older women sitting there eating things that looked wonderful.

Now Brandon looked down, his hair falling in front of his face and I reached out to hook my arm in his. He didn't look at me but he tightened his grip and pulled me closer.

"Mama, look at who I found?" Melitta bounced in excitement as one of the women's eyes looked up and grew wide.

Her hands covered her mouth as it fell open in shock. Then she was up, walking slowly over to him with tears in her eyes.

I held my breath as Brandon held his.

His cheeks were bright red when he tucked his hair behind his ear but the older woman just threw her arms around him, mumbling in Spanish all except for one phrase she kept repeating…

"You're a good boy…"

Brandon was rigid for a moment, eyes wide open and bluer than the sky.

Soon though, he closed them, letting out the breath he had been holding and easing his arm away from me so he could hug her back.

I lost my own breath and had to bite my lip as tears came to my eyes when I heard him choke out, "M'sorry…"

But she just stroked his cheek and held onto him as she whispered, "You're a good boy…"


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I'm sorry! I know I suck at updates. I had it mostly written and it just didn't feel right so I had to redo it. Big thanks to my beta, Nan. You really saved my ass with this one. I just couldn't get it going but you helped me work through it. I owe you, girl!**

**Also, just because I'm a huge sap, I listened to I Won't Hold You Back by Toto (oops, my age is showing). They just don't make sappy love songs like they did in the 70's and 80's. Good times, man. Good times.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter and I will try my very best not to make you wait so long for the next one. Thanks for sticking with me! You guys are the very best and I appreciate you sticking around for my slow ass writing. Love ya!**

**Brandon's POV**

I wish I never even told him 'bout this stupid barbecue. There's about a million other things I'd rather be doin' than going to see a bunch of people I don't know…a bunch of people to remind me of shit I wanted to just forget.

It's taken me years to bury all that shit as deep as I have and I wasn't too happy 'bout dredgin' it up again.

Though really, it wasn't buried _all_ that fuckin' deep 'cause it would come barreling to the surface in my nightmares.

Fuck, I really didn't wanna do this.

Brady had been nudgin' me to go in, but I just didn't have a good feelin' about it. I mean I was already on edge and puttin' me in a crowd of strangers wasn't a good idea. I knew this. Especially with Brady with me 'cause I was gonna be watchin' him like a hawk.

Yeah, this definitely ain't a good idea.

Reaching for the key in the ignition, I was ready to bolt, just my fuckin' luck, Melitta comes bouncin' over to us.

Fuck.

Putting on a fake smile, I try to be friendly 'cause I didn't wanna be a dick to Angel's baby sister. He loved her to pieces.

So, despite my better judgment, I found myself walkin' into the party. Every muscle in my body felt strained and on alert as I took in everyone around us. There were way too many people here and if somethin' popped off it was gonna be bad. It was just me against everybody and seriously, there were a lot of big mother fuckers here. One-on-one, I'd be fine but if I got jumped, it'd be over. And how the fuck was I gonna keep Brady safe with all these fuckers around?

Bad idea. Really fuckin' bad idea to come here.

Not to mention, I've done a lot of bad shit in my life, pissed a lot of people off. It's really just a matter of time 'til I run into someone who's lookin' to fuck me up.

I just really hope Brady ain't with me when it happens.

Tuckin' him close to my side, I was so lost in my head that I didn't even realize we were walkin' up to Angel's momma.

"Mama, look at who I found?"

A rush of guilt coursed through me when I saw the woman's eyes look up to mine. Intense and coffee brown, long dark lashes and heavy with sadness, just like her son's eyes.

The weight of the world was clear on her face, the sorrow of burying a child was written in the deep wrinkles and premature gray laced through jet black waves.

She was beautiful and tragic…just like Angel.

It made me feel like shit 'cause as much as I didn't wanna look into her eyes and dredge up memories, I'm sure what she was feelin' was a million times worse.

Slowly, like she was walkin' through mud, she walked towards me and I held my breath, bracing for the worst. I wasn't sure what to expect but whatever it was, I knew I deserved it. I didn't know if she was gonna yell at me or slap me...lash out at me for leadin' her baby on and then droppin' him like he was nothin'.

I couldn't imagine what she must think of me…what she knew or didn't know.

But in an instant, she sprung forward, wrapping her arms around me like she was afraid I'd disappear. I sure wasn't expectin' _that_.

In Spanish, she whispered strangled sobs against my cheek, "_You_. It's really you. You're really here. I didn't _know_…didn't know if you would come…didn't know if you really cared…but you did…you _do_…thank you…thank you for caring about my baby…you're a good boy…I _hoped_ you were a good boy…and you are…you're a good boy…such a good, good boy…"

It fuckin' wrecked me.

"M'sorry…" I mumbled brokenly bendin' down against her shoulder, buryin' my face in her hair that smelled just like Angel's.

"No, baby. Don't _ever_ be sorry. You can't know how much your friendship did for him. He was in such a dark place…always so tormented but you…you gave him happiness and peace when no one else could reach him. You gave me hope for my son. He was happiest on the days he spent with you."

I didn't even recognize my own voice, the anguish coming out in raspy, shuddering breaths, "No. M'not good. I done bad things…got locked up…I _wasn't_ there and maybe if I was he wouldn't have…m'sorry…I shoulda been there..."

She put her hand on the side of my face and held me to her cheek, whispering softly, "You _are_ a good boy. It wasn't your fault, mi amor…it _wasn't_. Shh, don't cry…"

I didn't mean to cry, didn't want to but I couldn't help it. Angel was a big part of me, always had been. I missed him. I missed his stupid sassy mouth and the way his eyes would light up when he was bein' rebellious. I missed the way he talked in riddles around me and how he seemed to always be sayin' more than I really understood. I missed the way he had a smartass comeback for everythin' but how sometimes I'd make him smile a real smile and blush even when he was rattlin' off somethin' feisty.

I just missed _him_. A lot.

I didn't deserve to have his momma standin' here comfortin' me. I was supposed to be the tough one…the strong one…but Angel always had a way of getting to me, even now.

When she finally pulled away, she smiled at me with warm, tear-filled eyes and brought her soft fingers up to wipe away the wetness on my scruffy cheeks as she whispered, "Angelo was my firstborn, but he was always my baby. I never understood why he was surrounded by such darkness. I never will. But I know that you brought a light to his eyes that I hadn't seen since he was little. He didn't tell me a lot about you. Not because he was ashamed of you or me, but because he wanted to keep you all to himself. He never did like to share."

A watery laugh bubbled out of both of us as I smiled, remembering him, "Yeah, we used to hang out and watch TV at my house after he got done helpin' me study. I always had to make two bags of popcorn 'cause he'd damn near take my fingers off if I got near his."

She looked up at me with a beautiful, sad smile, "That sounds like my baby."

With a long sigh, she sniffled once more and looked down. Letting her hands drop from my shoulders, she wrapped both of them around one of mine and choked out, "Some days I can talk about him and laugh and smile and remember the good things…some days I can't even…say his name without breaking apart into a million little pieces. You loved him, didn't you."

It wasn't said as a question but I wrapped my free hand over both hers anyway and nodded with a broken reply, "Yeah, I did…I _do_. A lot and I…I miss him so bad sometimes and I don't…I can't even…"

"I know, baby…I know."

"I never told him. I shoulda. I was just so messed up and shit was so crazy…"

She looked up, her eyes brimming over with tears as she whispered, "He knew, mijo. He knew…"

For some reason, that made me feel even worse and I squeezed my eyes shut, head down as we just held onto one another.

Her voice was soft but strained as she choked out, "You listen to me, mi amor. You were just a baby yourself. Children don't understand the weight of their decisions. When you're young it feels like the world can just end every time something doesn't go your way. But it doesn't. It just keeps going. And when you get to be my age, you'll realize that all those things you spent so much time worrying about when you were younger, they just flitter away into nothing but hazy memories. And they don't matter. The things that matter are this, right here, right now…you and me and family…stop beating yourself up so much, baby…"

"But I…"

"No," her voice was firmer, stronger and it reminded me of Angel so much that I snapped my eyes to hers while she spoke, "No more, mijo. I will not stand here and allow the boy that my son held so dear to wallow away in guilt. You loved him the best way you knew how. You were kind to him when no one else was. You befriended him without caring what people would say. You walked him home at night and kept him safe. You are a good boy, sweetheart. And I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for making my baby the happiest I had ever seen him. Thank you for coming to see me so that I would know you felt for him, the way he felt for you."

I couldn't really speak, the sobs choking in my throat as I tried to get myself together. Gently pulling my hand from hers, I wiped at my eyes while I nodded.

Her hand came to my cheek, holding me like a precious, fragile thing as she whispered, "I love him. I miss him. And I will miss him every single moment of every single day for the rest of my life. But my children need me to be strong. And by the looks of that handsome young man behind you, he needs you to be strong, too."

Fuck, I hadn't even thought about what this was doing to Brady. Watching me cry for another guy. I had to get it together.

I turned my head and saw him, arms wrapped tight around himself and face stained pink with tears. We had been speakin' in Spanish the whole time so he didn't even know what we were sayin' but he was cryin' anyway.

Because he loves me.

Reaching my arm back, I curled it around his back and pulled him to me.

"C'mere, Princess," I whispered as he threw himself at me gratefully. Burying his face in my chest, he held on tight as I rubbed his back.

"It's okay, baby. I'm okay," I kept murmuring soft words to comfort him because Angel's mom was right. This was important. Me and him, here together. He needed me to be strong so I had to try.

After a minute, he sniffled and pulled away to look up at me as he wiped his eyes with his arm.

"I'm sorry. This is about you and Angel and I shouldn't be taking…"

But I wasn't havin' none of that.

Takin' his face in both of my hands, I looked down at the sweet, pretty boy that loved me so fuckin' much that he hurt for my loss and I couldn't help but feel really fuckin' grateful that I was still here. That I was able to have this moment, this small but very overwhelming moment that I knew I was loved.

Without a care to anyone or anything around me, I brushed away the tears from under his long, wet lashes with my thumbs and leaned down to kiss him.

It was just a soft graze of the lips as I whispered, "I love you, Brady."

He threw his arms around my neck, holding me tight as he sniffled, "I love you too."

Resting my forehead against his, I smiled softly as I looked into those caramel eyes and dragged my fingertips through his silky hair, "You okay?"

With another sniffle and a nod, he rasped, "Yeah. Are you?"

I pressed a kiss to the top of his hair and held him to my chest, "Yeah. I am."

And I actually did feel a little better.

This time, I held onto Brady as I turned back to Angel's mom. She was fighting tears but held a smile.

"Ms. Ramirez, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Brady."

His face was bright red but he held out a hand like the polite little sweetheart he is and spoke quietly, "How do you do, ma'am?"

She took his little hand with both of hers and with a watery smile, she chuckled in Spanish, "Oh my goodness, you're adorable."

That made me laugh as Brady smiled shyly up at me looking for help, cheeks turning even redder.

"He, uh, don't know Spanish."

A look of confusion came to her face and I snorted, "He's Indian."

Her cheeks tinted as her eyes widened in understanding and then she laughed, speaking in English, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Brady. I thought you were Hispanic. My apologies, dear. It's a pleasure to meet you. And please, call me Lucia."

Then she let go of his hand and took mine again with both of hers. Bringing it to her lips, she kissed my knuckles with a blubbery laugh, "Brandon Whitlock, it is a pleasure to finally meet you."

Then she held it to her heart, "Such a good boy."

For a moment, she just gazed at me through sparkling chocolate eyes like I was the best thing in the whole world. Not many people looked at me like that and I found it hard to take but I couldn't deny that I liked it. A lot.

Eventually she let go and sighed, "I know you're probably ready to run, mijo, but I hope you'll at least stay long enough to eat. My brother has made a whole mess of food."

Damn, I _was_ actually ready to get the hell outta here now. I mean, I did what I said I'd do. I came and introduced myself. I really didn't feel like stickin' 'round much longer but I felt sorta obligated now to at least stay and eat.

Running a hand through my hair, I let out a breath and forced a smile, "Yeah, we can stay a minute. Brady was goin' on 'bout how good the food smelled from the car."

Brady pinched my side with a snort, "Hey, I like to eat. You know this."

"I know, Princess." I lowered my voice and grinned down at him, "It's cool, I like a fat ass. And you know I don't mean that in a bad way."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes, "I know, babe."

So we let Lucia lead the way and soon we were piled up with food and sittin' down 'round a bunch of fuckin' strangers.

Some were nice, they smiled and introduced themselves but some just ignored us and I was fine with that. Wouldn't care much if they all just fuckin' ignored us really.

But Brady, bein' the little social butterfly he is, hit it off with Melitta real good. They chatted about school and work. Brady told her about how we met and they talked about some guy she was seein'.

I just kept my head down and shoveled in my food like I was still in the prison cafeteria with ten minutes to eat.

Lucia sat on my other side and I noticed that she didn't talk much either. People would come by and say hello and ask how she was doin' but she never engaged them in much conversation.

I got that.

Eventually, a man came and sat down across from us with a plate of food and a sad smile as he spoke quietly to her, asking if she was okay.

She nodded and put on a brave face as she smiled, "Hector, I'd like you to meet Brandon, Angelo's friend. Brandon, this is my brother, Hector."

He held out his hand and I wiped mine on my jeans real quick before taking it. Giving him a nod and firm shake, I let go and went back to my food when he chuckled.

Lifting my eyes, I raised an eyebrow, wondering what the fuck he was goin' on about but he just smiled.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

With confusion, I put down my fork and stared at the man. Besides lookin' like Angel, he didn't really look familiar or nothin'.

I shook my head and he laughed, "That's okay. It was a long time ago. You couldn't have been more than ten or so. You had all of your little cousins with you by that old convenience store in Mission. I worked at the burrito joint across the street."

And then it hit me as I grinned, "Holy shit, you're the tamales and orange soda guy!"

He looked down and nodded, "Yup. That's me."

"Good lookin' out, man," I raised my chin and he shrugged as he opened his beer.

"It was nothing. Besides, that little spitfire - Jeremiah, was it? - He kept speaking Spanish in that little southern drawl of his and I couldn't help it. How are they doing, by the way?"

Tearing off a piece of sweet corn cake, I told him a little 'bout them. 'Bout how Jeremiah and Suzie were in Seattle, doin' real good and that Jeremiah had a boy of his own now. Caleb was in Cali with his girlfriend and her family. I didn't have no clue 'bout Ethan.

And come to think of it, it kinda bothered me that I hadn't really seen him since I got out.

But anyway, Hector was a cool guy. He was friendly and even spoke to Brady, trying to make him comfortable too. I appreciated that, though I was pretty sure Brady could get along anywhere.

My food was long gone before Brady's and I nudged him a little to get him goin' so we could split.

Lucia put a hand on my bouncing knee and gave me a knowing look, "I have something I want to give you; something of Angel's. I'll be right back so you can get going, sweetheart."

I gave her a grateful smile and turned back to Brady. He was finally eating as he gave me a sheepish grin and continued talking to Melitta between bites.

"You should come down sometime, Brandon. We're not too far from you…"

"Huh?" I raised my eyes to Melitta, not realizing she had been talkin' to me.

She rolled her eyes and smirked, so much like Angel that it sent a shiver through my bones.

"I was saying that I volunteer down at the LGBT center on Fourth Avenue. You should come by sometime. We can always use another set of hands."

Lookin' to Brady for some help 'cause I didn't know what the fuck that was, he explained that it was like a center for gay youth.

"Oh, that sounds nice but, uh, I ain't real good talkin' to people…"

She batted her eyelashes and pleaded with a pout so fierce that it made me chuckle, "Oh come on, _please_? There are a lot of things to do besides talking on the phone. You don't have to commit to anything but just come check it out."

I was reluctant. Really hated being around people I didn't know but then Brady was throwing his two cents in, too.

"It would be a good way to show the parole judge that you're serious about changing your life, Brandon. I think you should at least consider it."

Feelin' kinda ganged up on, I let out a breath and sighed, "Alright, yeah, I'll try to swing by sometime."

Damn it.

They both seemed pleased by that and the proud smile Brady gave me was almost worth it.

Melitta bounced off to go say hi to her aunt and Brady turned to me. With a nudge to my shoulder, he looked up at me with big cocoa eyes, "You still okay, babe?"

I wasn't. Not really. I wanted to leave.

But I forced a fake smile anyway, "Yeah, Princess, I'm okay. How you likin' that food?"

He groaned as he patted his belly, "Oh my God, this is so much better than Taco Bell."

And then him and Hector got into a discussion about how Taco Bell wasn't real Mexican food. I half-paid attention while my eyes darted around, keepin' an eye on shit as I waited for Lucia to come back.

There were some guys standin' just a few feet from us, huddled around their beers and snickering lowly as they threw a glance our way.

All my attention was now focused on these mother fuckers and though I couldn't hear everything they were sayin', I made out a few of the Spanish words…_maricon_…_joto_…_guero…_only Angel could get away with callin' me a white boy…

Jumpin' to my feet, I was over to them in two long strides. With a snarl of my lips and my hands curled in loose fists, I growled soft but menacing, speakin' Spanish right back to them so they knew that I knew what the fuck they had just been sayin'. I been waitin' for this and here it is.

"What's up mother fuckers?"

They exchanged a surprised look and I chuckled, low and dark, "Uh oh, the white boy knows Spanish. C'mon, say somethin' else."

One started to open his mouth and I was two seconds away from hittin' him in it when suddenly Hector was between us. Palms against both of our chests, the older man glared at the boys as he spoke quietly but with a threatening tone, "This is my home. I don't care that you're family, you will not disrespect my guests in _my_ home. Would you speak that filth in front of your Aunt Lucia? The woman that has bailed you two out on more than one occasion? Would you speak that way to her?"

They at least had the decency to look a little guilty as they rolled their eyes and huffed that they wouldn't.

Brady was at my side, his little hands working desperately to uncurl my fingers and tangle them in his own as he tried to pull me back.

But of course, he couldn't move me until I was damn good and ready to move.

A moment later, Melitta was standing in front of Hector, going off on them in a flurry of Spanish and slaps upside the back of their heads.

I let Brady pull me back now as I snickered at the two dumbasses gettin' their asses kicked by a teenage girl.

I couldn't help but think that Angel woulda been proud of how feisty his baby sister turned out.

By now, a scene was startin' to be made which only pissed me off more.

One of the fuckers had the nerve to actually glare at me like he was gonna do somethin' and I wanted to go back, wanted to push through the people and knock his fuckin' teeth out. But Lucia was running over now, a look of pure misery on her face and I didn't have it in me to break her heart even more. So I backed down, turned my back and huffed while I grabbed Brady's hand, squeezing his fingers tight as I mumbled, "We need to go."

Before I do something stupid 'cause I will if I stay here.

Pulling him along, Lucia caught us as we were leaving the yard. She pushed her way in front of us, looking up at me with so much anguish in her eyes that I had to look away.

"What happened, mijo?"

Fuck, I felt bad. Really, really bad.

My eyes stung as the adrenaline rushed through me and I fought to keep myself in check, flexing my jaw to keep from gritting my teeth as I muttered, "Nothin' important. We just gotta go. I'm sorry for causin' a scene."

She bit her lip as she gazed back into the distance at the boys. With a heartwrenching look on her face, she whispered, "Esos _cabrones_!"

I hated that look on her face. She didn't need this shit. Didn't need me around to cause her more pain. I squeezed my eyes shut to pull myself together before sayin' what I had to say.

"Lucia, thank you for bein' so good to us. I'm really sorry 'bout all this bullshit but I just can't stay. Your son," I blew out a ragged breath and raked a hand through my hair before choking the rest of the words out.

"Your son was my best friend. And he was lucky to have you. I wish I woulda known you then 'cause I woulda jumped his ass to treat you better. But if I stay here, I'm gonna do somethin' stupid and I really don't want you to see that part of me. I may seem like a good boy, but I still do bad things sometimes."

She looked at me, tears in her eyes but stoic as always, she nodded, "I understand, mi amor. I want you to have this."

With trembling hands, she pressed a CD into my palm and closed her hand over mine, "This was Angelo's favorite CD. He listened to it all the time – he called it 'white boy music at it's finest'. I haven't been able to listen to it…I can't even open the damn thing. But someone should be listening to it for him. I know it's not much…"

I took the music and let out an agonizing breath, "Thank you, Lucia. This means more than you know."

I pulled my hand back, tucking my hair behind my ear as she reached her palm up and placed it gently against my cheek, "Don't be a stranger, cariño."

Closing my eyes, I felt my arms come around her and was surprised to feel myself pulling her into a gentle hug.

Her arms tightened quickly around my shoulders, breath heavy on my cheek as she choked down a sob.

"Melitta has my number," I whispered against her sweet smelling hair. "You can call me if you ever…I don't know…wanna talk or whatever."

She nodded briskly against my shoulder and then pulled away with tears in her eyes but a smile on her face.

"You're a good boy. You two take care of each other."

Then she moved closer to Brady like she wanted to say something but stood still. Brady stepped forward and hugged her like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Thank you for having us, Lucia. I promise to take care of him. I know I never met your son but he was a very special boy and I'm thankful that Brandon had him in his life. Without him, I'm almost positive Brandon wouldn't be standing here with me today. And you're a good mother. I wish my own mom cared for me just half as much as you do him."

Pulling away, she ran her hand lovingly over his hair as she flashed a heartbreaking smile, "Oh sweetheart, your mother is a fool if she doesn't tell you every single day how special you are. Some people are filled with so much ugliness that they just can't even see beauty."

Then she stepped back with a sniffle before she straightened her shoulders and held her head high.

"Be safe going home, boys."

We both gave her a final nod and then she was gone. Brady grabbed my hand, swinging them between us as we started walking to the truck.

He flashed a goofy smile up at me, caramel eyes shining bright, "Well, I think that went pretty well."

Rolling my eyes, I snorted, "Yeah. 'Cept the part where I almost kicked her nephews asses."

I opened the door for him and he turned his head to look at me as he hopped up in the truck, "Hey you didn't threaten to chop off any body parts so I'm counting it as a win. Wait, you didn't threaten to chop off any body parts, did you?"

Shutting the door behind him, I rolled my eyes again and huffed with a smile on my face, "No, Princess. I didn't threaten to maim, hurt, or kill nobody."

"See? Win. Yay!" he threw his hands up in victory and I just chuckled as I slid in next to him, placing the CD in the glove box to look at later.

"You're ridiculous."

He just flashed me a sweet grin and cuddled up against my side. My arm wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him close as he sighed against my chest, "Yeah. But you love me anyway."

Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, I squeezed him a little tighter so I could reach to start the truck, "Yeah. I do. But you love me, too."

I could feel his lips curling into a smile through my thin t-shirt as he squeezed me back, "Yeah. I do."

:::

Brady left a couple days later, skipping out on classes and work against my better judgment but the fucker was persistent and I was kinda desperate to hang onto him as long as I could. When he was here it was easier to deal with the thought of another six months in Texas.

But when he was gone, I had way too much time on my hands to dwell on shit.

It took me a week to get Angel's CD out of my glove box and into the house, hidden away in a drawer.

It took another week for me to get it out and put it on the coffee table where I had to look at it.

For days it just haunted me. I kept picking it up and turning it over and over in my hands, afraid to play or even open it. I stared at it, hearing him sing in my head and the thought of him standing there, rolling his eyes and telling me, "Oh for fuck's sake, mi loco guero, quit being such a sap and just play the damn thing already," had me popping the fuckin' thing open with a fond chuckle.

And, of course, because my life ain't nothin' if not difficult…there were some pages torn from those tiny spiral notebooks that I remembered Angel always carryin' with him.

Holding my breath, I very carefully pulled the crumpled up paper out and unfolded them. I recognized his tiny scrawl and doodles of stars, comets, and random bullshit dancing around the edges.

'"_I see him as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps "Oh look at that!" Then- whoosh, he's gone...and I'll never see anything like him ever again... and I'll never forget."_

"_If the world is all a stage, and we merely players – what happens after the final act?"_

"_Math sucks – let's write poetry instead:_

_I once knew a boy named Brandon_

_Who was hotter than any boy ever had been_

_He enjoyed my sass_

_I enjoyed his ass_

…_damn, why couldn't you have been named Joe or Bob, nothing rhymes with Brandon =(_

"_How long will it take him to forget my name? Will I remember his when I'm shining bright in the sky? Will he still be shooting past me, too hot and too fast to touch?"_

"_I hate this world. I hate the shallow contempt of ghoulish creatures nipping at my soul with razor sharp teeth and jagged claws that rip through fragile, weak flesh with an ease that should frighten; not delight."_

"_Even the prettiest of roses can cut you with its thorns."_

"_People suck…and not in a sexy way."_

"_I miss you. Come baaaacccckkkk!"_

"_Why is country music so fucking depressing! This is bullshit! Time for salsa instead, Angel needs to shake his ass."_

"_Things to do:_

_Graduate high school_

_Move to California_

_Find Ricky Martin, become best friends, and reach stardom living la vida loca in one of his music videos._

"_Listening to Pink Floyd requires more drugs."_

"_So sleepy but can't sleep. Life sucks."_

"_Uncle Hector, they're called skinny jeans for a reason! QUIT WITH THE TAMALES!"_

"_If I could come back as anything, I would be a pterodactyl. Brandon would be a sweet little puppy. Mom would be a tiger. Melitta would be a gnat. Seriously, Melitta, quit reading over my shoulder and get out of my room!"_

"_Such a lovely place…such a lovely face…"_

"_Things to do:_

_Ride along the coast of Cali, preferably on the back of a ghetto white boy's badass motorcycle_

_Watch the sunset over the ocean._

_Find Brandon and get him out of that shit hole town_

_Tell him that he's the best friend I ever had_

_Find him someone to love him the way he deserves to be loved_

_Get to witness the breathtaking sight of him truly happy_

"_You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave…"_

"_So tired of living lies…tired of seeing the ones I love get hurt over and over again…tired of being the one who hurts them. Maybe this world would be better if I wasn't in it."_

"_I HATE THEM! I WISH THEY WERE DEAD!"_

"_What's the use of living in a world where I can't dance?"_

"_I just want to float among the stars, watch the world from a safe distance. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get to feel the heat from a comet passing by every now and then." _

"_I'm sorry, mom. Sorry for being such a little shit. You are really the best mom ever. I wish I could find a way to tell you that."_

"_I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?" _

"_It's funny how time changes everything and nothing at all."_

"_This isn't a movie. Or some cliché romance novel. He can't save me. And I can't save him."_

Slumping down on my couch, I ran my fingers over the dark, faded ink. The words tearing at my insides.

"_He can't save me. And I can't save him."_

Of _course_ he couldn't save me. No one coulda saved me back then. I was too messed up, too caught up in the bullshit life I was livin', running too hot, too fast…

But I coulda saved him.

Skimming over it again, my eyes burned and my head ached. I teetered between sniffling chuckles at some of his musings and painful confusion at others.

But it always came back to – "_He can't save me. And I can't save him"._

I leaned forward, elbows on my knees as I gripped at my hair and closed my eyes. I needed to talk about this.

Tucking the pages back into the CD case, I closed it and put it aside, unable to actually listen to it now.

Grabbing my phone, my finger hovered over Brady's number but I couldn't bring myself to press it. I shouldn't be doing this to him. I shouldn't be laying all this heavy shit on him about a boy from my past. I wouldn't like it if he talked to me about someone from his past. Hell, I didn't even like him talking about his past crush on Emmett who was his straight best friend.

I was a hypocrite and an asshole.

But I still needed to talk about Angel. It would just have to wait.

I put on a happy face when I was talkin' to Brady, not wantin' to damper his good mood. He was all excited about the new job he just got at the art museum. The job that _Oliver_ helped him get.

Oliver sounds like a douchebag name. But in all actuality, he was probably a decent guy. _I_ was the dick. Always had been. Brady deserved better but I was too selfish to let him go so I just smiled into the webcam and told him how proud I was of him.

And that wasn't a lie. I was proud. Brady was everything good. He deserved good things. He deserved better than a boyfriend halfway across the country with so many god damn issues.

I had issues with everything. It was just like how Angel said - _"It's funny how time changes everything and nothing at all."_

Sure, I had a good job, a few good friends but deep down, I was still the same scared little boy, pretending to be a big tough man when all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and have someone hold onto me like I mattered. I was still the same guy that struck first, asked questions later – if at all. I was still the asshole that tried to keep people at arms length and there were still those unfortunate people who managed to get close enough to touch, not even aware of the way I'd burn them.

Like my momma used to say, you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a fuckin' pig.

I had been pretty good at hiding my problems but I still hadn't really dealt with them. Not all of them anyway. I needed to deal with this Angel stuff.

The nightmares were back and my nerves were getting worse. I felt like I was just waiting to explode. It felt like all the good things were slipping away again and I was too exhausted to keep fighting it.

There was just too much shit to deal with on my own. I wanted Brady back. Wanted to just lie lazily on the couch and cuddle him up while watching Cops or some stupid reality show he liked. Just wanted to lay my head in his lap while he played with my hair and told me that everything was gonna be okay.

'Cause only one month had passed from the next six I had to do and I didn't know if it _was_ gonna be okay.

"Brandon? Are you okay?"

-Insert fake smile-

"Yeah, babe, I'm okay. Just didn't sleep good. Dolly kicks a lot."

I could lie. I was pretty good at it. I hadn't even been callin' him in the middle of the night anymore when I had a nightmare. His voice didn't even seep into my skin and calm me down like it used to – it only made me feel worse.

Brady chuckled into the camera with a big, beautiful grin, "We're going to have to get a king-sized bed when you get here. I doubt all three of us are gonna fit on my full mattress."

"Yeah. We'll do that."

No, we won't. 'Cause I'll never get outta this place. Even if I leave Texas someday, I'll still be stuck right here, inside my head with no way out.

"_You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave…"_

He looked down, long lashes on tanned skin and I wondered what he was thinking.

Things fell quiet, uncomfortable. In person, Brady and I were great. But this last month, after he left, had been kinda rough. The reality of another six months had hit and the depression set in, no matter how hard I tried to fight it.

Brady tried too. He was especially upbeat, trying his damndest to keep my head up but even he faltered from the weight of it every now and then.

Clearing my throat, I glanced back up at the screen and tried to make small talk, like the weight of the world wasn't crushing me down.

"So, um, how'd you do on your big test?"

Looking over his shoulder, distracted, he shrugged, "Oh fine. It was fine."

Then his eyes snapped back to the screen as he smiled, "Have you gone to see Melitta yet?"

Now I looked down, avoiding the question as I shrugged and picked at a string on my old basketball shorts, "Um, no, not yet. Been busy."

Been real busy sulking and thinking about all the fucked up shit in my life.

He sighed, "Brandon, you really should go. It would be good for your…"

"Get off my back about it, Brady," I snapped with an annoyed huff and he whispered that he was sorry for pushing.

It made me feel like shit. I didn't mean to snap at him, I just couldn't deal with faking more polite conversation with a bunch of strangers right now so I knew seeing Melitta would be a bad thing.

Uncomfortable silence again.

"I miss you," he finally sighs, probably because he couldn't think of anything else to say and the quiet was killing him too.

"Miss you too," I rasped, still looking down, not able to face the awkward, stilted conversation.

He left shortly after to go to work and I headed to therapy.

I had been doing pretty good with therapy but this last month felt like a setback. I was grumpier, less willing to talk and I could tell she was getting frustrated.

"Brandon, I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

"You can't help me either way."

"If you believe that then why are you here?"

"Have to be."

"Says who? You're not court mandated. You can leave if you don't believe I can help you."

"Fine. Maybe I will."

But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to get up from the chair. I just gripped the arms tighter and snarled through gritted teeth, "You can't save me."

Her eyes had never left mine, never hardened from the gentle hazel stare as she smiled softly.

"You're right. I can't save you. Only _you_ can save you. No one else. You know," she removed her glasses and set them on the desk, tapping her pencil against the notepad on her lap.

"Some people get caught up in this romantic notion that somebody else can save them. That some hero will swoop in and save the day. That someone they loved and lost will appear in their dreams and say the magical words that will just make it all go away and fix everything that's broken. But this isn't a movie, Brandon. This is real. And in real life, recovery takes hard work and making uncomfortable changes and talking about things so we can learn to process them. I _can't_ save you. But I _can_ help you, if you talk to me…if you let me in."

"_This isn't a movie. Or some cliché romance novel. He can't save me. And I can't save him."_

My eyes started to burn again, the anger giving way to relentless grief as I dropped my eyes and shook my head.

"I can't…"

Handing me a tissue, she got up and moved slowly closer until she was sitting on top of her desk in front of me.

"You _can_. You just don't know how. You've never felt like you've had much control of your life, Brandon. But you have control of what you say. I'm not talking about when your anger gets the best of you. I'm talking about this, right now. You have a choice in what you say, how close you let me in. Trust is a thing earned with you, not given freely. But I'm asking you to trust me to help you. Tell me something, Brandon. Anything."

For a long time I sat there thinking about all the things I couldn't say. Like how I hated myself for not being there for Angel, for my little cousins, for Brady…how I hated lookin' in the mirror and seein' the face of a monster lookin' back at me…how sometimes it wasn't a monster at all, just a confused little boy scared shitless by the things he was doin' but not knowin' how to stop himself…how sometimes I wanted to get better but sometimes I really didn't care…how that scared me when I really thought about it…

But finally, I just opened my mouth, shredding the tissue nervously in my hands as I asked, "Do you believe in reincarnation?"

Her brows furrowed for a moment before she hummed thoughtfully, "Well, I've never really thought about it but I wouldn't be opposed to the idea. What about you? Do you believe in it?"

My mind drifted back to my last night with Angel, layin' on top of the hood of that stolen car watchin' the stars and talking.

.

.

.

"_Do you believe in reincarnation, Brandon?"_

_I raised an eyebrow as I looked up from where my head was snuggled against his chest._

"_I don't know. Do you?"_

_He smiled wistfully as he ran his fingers through my hair, "No, but it's a nice thought. What would you be if you could come back as anything you wanted?"_

_I thought about it a moment and sighed, "I don't know. A puppy dog maybe?"_

_Laughing softly, he shifted a little so that he could look into my eyes as he asked, "Why a puppy? I would've pictured something more ferocious."_

_With a shrug of my shoulders, I answered truthfully, "Most all my life people have been scared of me. I'm kinda tired of bein' ferocious. I wouldn't mind just bein' a small, fluffy little puppy dog that someone would just fall in love with and wanna take care of. Someone to just feed me and rub my belly, pat my little head and tell me I'm a good boy. I could dig that. What about you? What would you be?"_

_He had a fiery gleam in his eye as he smirked, "Pterodactyl."_

_My shoulders shook with laughter as I leaned up on an elbow and questioned, "What?"_

"_Well, I'd definitely want to fly, that's a given. But I'd want to be scary, too. A predator. Something that no one could fuck with."_

"_Well, why not a hawk or somethin' like that?"_

_He patted my cheek as he rolled his eyes, "Because there are a million hawks in the world but how many flying dinosaurs have you seen?"_

_I chuckled as I laid my head back down against his warm chest, hearing the thud of his heart beat through the thin t-shirt he wore._

"_You gotta be original, huh?"_

"_Of course. But I don't know. I'd be happy to be a star hanging in the sky."_

"_But there are millions of stars."_

"_Yeah. But maybe it wouldn't be too awful to be like just part of the cluster, ya know, like the Milky Way…"_

_I didn't really know what he was talkin' about but I smiled anyway, "If you were a star, you'd be the brightest, prettiest one."  
><em>

_He laughed quietly, pulling me a little closer and whispering against my hair, "That way you'd always be able to find me, mi loco guero."_

"_I don't plan on losin' you, Angel."_

_His voice was soft and breathless in my ear as his fingers trailed down my neck, "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves…"_

_I still didn't have no clue what he was talkin' about and no way to respond to that so I turned my face up and kissed him instead._

.

.

.

Closing my eyes, I pictured the nighttime sky filled with a million stars, but one shining the brightest and sighed, "I don't know what I believe in, Doc. I'm all messed up inside. I wanna believe in somethin' but I don't know how. I wanna get better but don't know where to start. I want you to help me."

I could hear her letting out a breath before she spoke quietly, "Tell me about Angel."

Wiping the tears that burned my eyes, I choked out a strangled whisper, "He was my best friend…"

**A/N: Spanish translations (straight from Google so it has to be right, right?)**

**Maricon and joto are both derogatory words for homosexuals (I'm sure you figured that out) and cabrones means bastards**


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: I suck at updates. I'm sorry. Trust me, I wish I could write more but ah, real life, she is a bitch. Anyway, thanks to those who are sticking with me. It means a lot. I love to hear your thoughts and appreciate all the reviews and pm's. And a big thanks to my beta, Nan, who rocks. Hard.**

**Brady's POV**

"How was your day?"

"Fine," he answered quickly, eyes down as he fidgeted with a stray thread from his couch.

I bit my lip to keep from screaming at the screen. He was so distant lately and I couldn't seem to drag more than two words at a time from him anymore. Ever since he got denied getting his parole moved, he was pulling away from me a little more every day and I didn't know how to stop it.

He was hurting, I knew that. It was plain as day, written on his face in the bags underneath his eyes and the frown that took the place of the dimpled grin I loved so much.

I knew he was having nightmares again, as the dark bruises beneath his baby blues evidenced but he didn't call me anymore in the middle of the night and now I found myself staring at my phone at 3 am, wishing it would ring.

Our conversations were stilted and growing fewer and far between and it was slowly killing me inside.

It was like falling…I could see it happening, feel the misstep and stumble hurling me to the ground but I was helpless to stop it.

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and I couldn't focus or concentrate on anything but holding on to the man I loved while he seemed to be slipping through my fingers.

But that's the thing about Brandon; he only moves the way he wants to and lately, he seemed to be moving further and further away from me.

I wanted to ask how his therapy went but he was always so damn edgy these days that I felt myself walking on eggshells to avoid an argument.

"Brandon?" I whispered, trying to hide the desperation in my voice as his eyes slowly raised to mine.

"Hmm?"

Worrying my bottom lip with my teeth again, I found my eyes dropping now, unable to take the detachment in his.

"I miss you."

I didn't know what else to say. Didn't know what magical words I could whisper to make things okay with us again. I was losing him and I didn't know how to stop it.

I've felt weak my entire life but it had nothing on how weak and helpless I felt to stop him from falling out of love with me.

Because that's all I could think about. The time, the distance…maybe it was too much for him and maybe he was starting to think about his other options because let's face it, Brandon had a million other options than me.

He could walk into any gay club in Houston and trip over a dozen twinks just like me that would be praising the ground he walked on.

I was stupid to ever think I'd be able to hold onto someone so beautiful. He was in a totally different league than me…a completely different level.

I've been living a fantasy but all fantasies come to an end eventually.

"Miss you too," he mumbled, low and raspy as though it hurt him to say words he didn't feel.

Not able to look at him, I cast a glance over my shoulder and cleared my throat, "So, um…I won't be home till late tonight. I'm going out with the guys to a club after work."

"Yeah, alright. I'll just talk to you tomorrow, I guess."

He didn't even ask 'what guys?'

I mean, of course it was with his cousins but it's not like he knew that. Six months ago he would've asked.

Taking a breath and fighting the sting in my eyes, I dropped them to my bedspread. Running my fingers nervously over it, I sighed, "Alright. Um, I guess I better go get ready for work then. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."

"Brady?"

My eyes snapped as hope filled me up, "Yeah?"

Looking into those tortured blue eyes, they took my breath away with how distant they seemed.

"I love you too. Be careful and have fun, okay?"

How could I have fun when he looked at me like that?

"Yeah."

Things fell silent, awkward. I didn't know if he felt it as strongly as I did but from the way his eyes avoided mine as he fidgeted with his hands and his hair, it made me think that maybe he did.

When I finally shut my laptop, I flung myself back on my bed in frustration as I scrubbed my hands over my face and willed myself not to cry. This was torture.

Things were good between us. So damn good in the beginning, it was like fireworks. But now…shit, maybe Angel was right? Maybe Brandon was like a comet. Because in the beginning, everything was so hot and so fast and so amazing but maybe now he's shooting right past me…

And I'm losing my grip as he goes.

I wouldn't let myself cry. I refused. I would not go into work with red, puffy eyes.

Pulling myself outta bed, I grabbed some clothes and went to take a quick shower before work.

Once I was done, I rubbed a little product through my hair and looked in the mirror, giving myself a little pep talk to get through the day.

"You're okay, Brady. Brandon still loves you. I have no idea why but…_shit_, I mean, yeah, you're beautiful and smart and…"

Fuck, my nerves were getting the best of me as I thought about Brandon again. Wishing I still had my Disney princess mirror for inspiration, I shook the thoughts from my head and forced a smile, "You're gonna be twenty tomorrow. You've got a beautiful boyfriend and fabulous friends…and an ass with so much jelly, Welch's should try to trademark that shit…"

But it didn't really work as I dropped my head, closed my eyes and whispered, "He still loves you…it's going to be okay…he still loves you…"

That was my mantra to get through the day.

Grabbing my jacket and wallet, I yelled out, "Going to work, Suzie! See you tonight!"

She yelled back, "Be careful, Buttercup! See ya later!"

Rolling my eyes, I snorted as I left the house and walked down to the bus stop. Riding the bus sucked but Suzie's piece of shit car blew a muffler or transmission or hell, I don't know what happened but it just wasn't working right now. Jay had been working on it after hours at the shop for her.

The bus stop was only a couple of blocks away but this wasn't the best neighborhood so I kept my head down and walked quickly. It was worth it though to avoid the dorms, and since my scholarship didn't cover housing, living with Suzie in a crappy little double in a rough part of town was better than I would have it if I were on my own.

We split everything down the middle and between our crappy jobs, we were doing okay. Honestly, it wasn't much different than the piece of shit reservation I came from. At least here, people tended to mostly ignore me and I had Suzie so it was a lot less lonely than when I was a kid.

Once I got to work the day dragged on. There wasn't a whole lot of action in the art museum gift shop so I spent most of my day trying to get some of my school work done but I just couldn't get it together. I sent Brandon a few stupid little texts but he hadn't answered back yet. I was distracted and sad and really wanted to hop on a plane to Texas and see Brandon.

Then hop on him.

At the end of my shift, I was pleasantly surprised to see a mop of dirty blond curls walking my way. His low-slung jeans were dirty and his plain white tee smudged with oil underneath an old flannel so I figured he must have just left work.

"Hey birthday boy. Wanna ride?"

Technically my birthday doesn't start until midnight but Hell yeah I wanna ride.

I grinned and slammed shut the book I was reading, or trying to read anyway.

"Hey Jay. Yeah, um, just let me clock out real fast."

A few minutes later, I was sitting in the front seat of his truck listening to some dirty south white boy music as he took a puff from his cigarette, "How's it goin', Brady? You doin' okay?"

Sighing at my phone with no new texts, I force a smile as I look up at him, "Yeah, I'm good. Fine. Everything's fine."

He raises a judgmental eyebrow and I groan, "Okay, fine. Things aren't _perfect_ but really I'm fine. I just…"

Trailing off, I chew on my lip for a moment before turning my body to face him on the seat, "Can I ask you something?"

Lowering the eyebrow and casting a small smile, he nods, "You know you can ask me anythin', man. What's up?"

Wringing my hands in my lap, I sigh, "I think Brandon's falling out of love with me and I don't know how to make him stop. What can I do, Jay? How do I keep him, ya know, interested?"

Now the smile fades into a frown as he exhales heavy through his nose, "Why do you think that? Has he done somethin'?"

My eyes go wide as I shake my head and go on the defensive, "No! Of course not. Brandon's great, it's just…I don't _know_. He doesn't talk to me like he used to. It's like since he got denied moving here he's just…I don't know, pulling away…shutting down or something."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

Looking out my window, I shrug, "Well, no, not really. I mean, I want to but he's been so edgy lately it's like I don't wanna say the wrong thing and start an argument."

Jay reaches over and grabs my hand to get my attention. When I muster up the courage to look back, he's smiling, blue eyes mirthful as he squeezes my fingers in comfort, "Brady, lil' piece of advice; start an argument. If you wanna be with Brandon, you can't be scared to fight with him sometimes. Us Whitlock boys, we're moody sons of bitches and stubborn as all get out and we'll fuckin' bulldoze people if they let us."

I squeeze his hand back before letting go of it and running my fingers nervously through my hair, "I don't know, Jay. You don't bulldoze Edward and he doesn't start fights with you…"

That makes him laugh outright, "Bullshit! Eddie ain't ever backed down from me. Our very first fight, that night of the Halloween party where we first met you…yeah, as soon as we got home and I started goin' on about him talkin' to that prick James, Eddie put me in my place quick, fast, and in a hurry. And then there was that time I was sneakin' off to the club with Alice to do some undercover shit and Eddie called and _made_ me have her turn around to come back and get him just so he could sit in the backseat and make me feel fuckin' bad about withholding information from him. Eddie _always_ calls me on my shit."

I knew he did _now_ but I figured it was because they had been together so long that Edward knew Jay wasn't going anywhere. The fact that he did it from the very beginning was a little surprising.

"Really?"

Jay smiled, wide with deep dimples that made my heart ache to see Brandon's.

"Yup," he chuckled popping the 'P' and taking a long drag from his cigarette.

"But Jay, our situation isn't like yours. He lives so far away and…I mean, we've known each other for seven months which is like nothing really. We've spent the equivalent of like four weeks together. I know we talk on the phone and Skype and stuff but it's not the same. What if he's getting bored? What if he wants to, you know, be free to, like, be with other people? What if he's not happy?"

"Are _you_ happy? Do _you_ wanna see other people?"

"What? No! Of course _I'm_ happy. Brandon is like a dream come true, Jay! He's my _dream_ guy! I'm still reeling that he actually has any interest in me at all."

Well, technically he's not like my dream guy _was_ but he's what I dream of now.

"Well, there's your problem, man. Brandon ain't no dream guy, he's just a guy. He can't read your mind any more than you can read his. And _he's_ lucky to have _you_. I don't know why you don't get that, Brady. I swear, I wanna go stomp a mudhole in your daddy's ass for makin' you so fuckin' down on yourself. Ain't nothin' wrong with you."

"Yeah, I know, I just…"

"_No_. You _don't_ know. If you _did_, you wouldn't be afraid to speak your mind. You're a hot guy with a bright future. You're fuckin' funny as Hell and sweet as all get out. You're one of the good ones. And I ain't sayin' Brandon's bad, he's not but he's damn lucky that he got you. He'll be even luckier if he keeps you. And if he don't, it's his loss. You think you're some dime a dozen twink, Brady, but you're not. You're not some stupid stereotype, man. You're fuckin' awesome and I ain't ever known nobody like you. You're special. And not gonna lie, your ass could make a grown man cry."

I snort, looking up bashfully as I chuckle, "Thanks, Jay. You're the best."

He just winks with a chuckle of his own, "I know."

Cocky bastard.

Once we get back to my place to get Suzie and for me to change clothes, I check my phone again but no new texts. My jeans are way too tight to shove my phone in my pocket so I have Suzie put it in her purse before we leave to go back to Eddie and Jay's place.

When we walk in, Edward is sitting in the big picture window looking out at the drizzling rain seemingly lost in his own world.

Jay throws his keys in the jar by the door and frowns, "Hey baby boy, you okay?"

Eddie just looks up with a crooked grin and nods, "Yes, Jay, I'm fine. Missed you though."

That makes Jay grin back as he bounds over to his boy, pulling him into a warm embrace that makes my heart melt a little. I reach into Suzie's purse and grab my phone, just to check, but nothing.

Jay goes to take a shower and asks Edward if he wants to join but I intervene, grabbing Eddie's hand and pulling him away, "Oh _Hell_ no, Jay, we all know it's gonna take you forever to get ready anyway and I'd like to get to the club before my _next_ birthday."

Jay just smirks as Eddie blushes but neither of them denies it.

Eddie smiles and pulls me along to his bedroom as Suzie follows, "I need help. I have no idea what to wear and I'm fairly certain you won't let me out of the house in this holey t-shirt and sweats."

Damn right I wouldn't. Jasper was gorgeous and he knew it but Edward was one of those guys that had no clue how hot he was. It honestly baffled me how he was able to look in a mirror and not know how beautiful he was.

Hell, I mean, even in his sweats and ratty tees he was one of the hottest guys I had ever seen.

Me and Suzie picked out his clothes before we finally settled down to devour the pizza and wings he had ordered.

Wiping the sauce off my fingers, I reached in Suzie's purse again to check my phone but nothing.

Damn it.

Eddie's phone chimed with a new text and he chuckled as he read it.

"Your boyfriend made me promise to take lots of pictures tonight. Particularly of your ass."

I almost choked on a sausage and didn't even have the good mind to make a perverted joke about it as I grabbed my phone again.

Nothing. Fucking nothing. Are you kidding me?

Huffing through my nose, I typed _another _message and hit send.

_Hey babe! I miss you!_

I waited. And waited. And then finally as we were getting ready to walk out the door my phone chimed. Diving in Suzie's purse, I pulled it out with a grin.

_Me too. _

My grin fell as my eyes narrowed. Really? That's all I get? Two fucking words.

Shoving my phone back in her purse with maybe a little too much vigor, I squirmed my way in-between Eddie and Jay. Hooking my arms around both of their shoulders, I forced a smile, "I really hope you two are treating tonight because Brady needs to get drunk. Brady needs to get so drunk that he wakes up in the morning with a tattoo of a dragon on his chest and has no recollection of how it even got there type drunk. That's the kind of epic drunkenness I'm talking about here, boys. Alcohol. Lots of it."

Jay grinned as Edward snorted.

"Don't worry, Brady. We got you."

:::

Brady was drunk. Brady was _very_ drunk. Brady was so drunk that even his thoughts were in third person.

Shaking the fog from my head, I grinned through the flashing lights and thumping music as I raised my shot glass to the table, "I love you guys. Like serious. Like so much love going on right now."

Eddie was in Jay's lap raising his own drink as Jay whispered something dirty in his ear by the way Ed blushed. Jeremiah was tipping back a beer with a smirk as Alice laughed, head back and mouth wide open. Emmett was leaning back, legs stretched out wide and a lazy drunken grin as Rosalie slammed back a shot with a shudder and a cackle, raising her hands high to the sky. Suzie had her chair pushed back, chatting it up with a couple of drag queens at the table behind us seemingly engrossed in a conversation about push up bras and fake eyelashes.

Emmett threw his hands up as he yelled over the loud music, "Love you too, man! Happy birthday!"

Everyone cheered and followed suit before we all slammed back the shots Alice had bought.

My head was bobbing to the music, mind fuzzy and light when Suzie sloppily threw her arms over my shoulder and giggled, "Havin' fun, babycakes?"

I grinned, throwing back another shot without even a wince because I couldn't taste it at this point.

"Yes! Let's go, Blondie. Brady needs to shake his ass."

I barely remember getting to the dance floor but there we were, her blonde hair tickling my nose as I grinded into her ass. It was a little weird but minutes later, we were reversed and that felt better, except, ya know, boobs. Her arms were around my waist and holding onto mine across my chest as she laughed in my ear about how much fun she was having. I was glad. She had been working her ass off with school and the vet office; she needed a night of drunken freedom about as much as I did.

Shaking the serious thoughts from my head, I just got lost in the music awhile, letting my hips move to the hard beats as I practiced some of the dance moves she had been teaching me.

When I lived with Alice, it was all Stevie Nicks and bohemian music, being one with your inner spirit and all that. With Suzie it was all dirty rap music and learning how to use 'all that ass' and being one with, like, the hood and shit. We often spent our Saturday morning twerking as we cleaned the house, seeing how low we could drop it while vacuuming underneath the couch.

I was so out of it, I barely registered a hard chest pushing up against my bare back. Spinning around, strong arms caught me, steadying me as I grinned looking up into eyes the color of a Heineken bottle, "Hey Ed…where'd my shirt go?"

Looking around, I couldn't find that fucker anywhere.

He chuckled, lopsided grin and lidded eyes as his thigh slid between my knees and kept me from tumbling to the ground.

"Well, you were twirling it over your head a few minutes ago. I think you tossed it somewhere over there," he jutted his chin out over my shoulder and then smiled, "I don't think you're getting back."

Throwing my arms over his shoulders, I nuzzled into his neck as I rubbed myself shamelessly against his thigh, "Mmm…I don't care…_fuck_ that shirt, didn't like it much anyway."

He laughed, arms tightening around me as one hand drifted down dangerously close to my ass and I grinned up at him, "You can grab it if you want…and you know you do…"

His eyes flashed over my shoulder and I took a quick look to see Jay watching us with rapt attention as he palmed his dick through his jeans, blue eyes hooded and cigarette dangling from dark pink lips.

I chuckled as his hand finally drifted down and squeezed my right cheek while he rocked his hips with mine.

"You're so lucky, Ed. You get to go home with that."

"I know, right! I can't even believe that I got him to fall in love with me. How did that happen, Brady?"

Smirking, my hands came to the buttons on his shirt, slowly popping them open as I moved my hips against his, "You're so hot, Ed. I can't even believe you don't know that. Now c'mon, I don't wanna be the only half naked one here tonight…"

He just smiled as I pulled his shirt open, "You are so bad, Brady…"

Shrugging, I pushed his shirt down over his shoulders and used it to pull him closer, "Yeah. But I am gonna get you fucked so hard tonight that you should call me the damn Messiah…"

"I just need Jay's dick in my mouth…like, now…and then tacos…Oh my God, I'm so horny and hungry right now…"

I snorted against his bare chest, slick with sweat before I bounced up on my toes and planted a big, sloppy, wet kiss right on his lips.

"I love you, Ed. You're so funny…"

He buried his face in my shoulder as he laughed and we continued to grind the shit outta each other, putting on a Hell of a show for his hubby.

It didn't surprise me when a few minutes later I felt a hard dick pushing against my lower back. I chuckled as I lifted from Eddie's neck and wrapped an arm around the neck over my shoulders and behind my back, "Hey Jay…wondered how long it would take you to get here…"

He growled, low and raspy into my ear as his arms reached around me to Eddie's waist, pulling him closer, "You are a dirty, naughty little boy…got no idea how Brandon can even handle you…"

My hips stuttered for a moment as I realized I hadn't even thought about Brandon since the fourth shot.

I needed another drink.

Sliding out from in-between them, I plastered a fake grin on my face as I looked up at Jay, "You're welcome, Jay. He's all primed up and ready to go…"

Edward practically fell into Jay's arm with a low, naughty giggle, "Take me somewhere before I fall to my knees and worship you right here, right now, Jay…"

I barely made it two steps before Jay was dragging him off somewhere. Good for them. _Someone_ should be getting lucky tonight.

It's not like I was bitter. Or yeah, maybe I was, so what? It's my damn birthday. I should be getting the D.

But I didn't have much time to dwell because I was being pulled down across Jeremiah's lap as I squealed.

"Hey birthday boy, ready for your spankin'?"

I reached out to the table and grabbed one of the shots on it, throwing it back with a shudder, I smirked over my shoulder at him.

"You don't gotta front, Jeremiah. You just want an excuse to touch my ass."

Wiggling it a little, he went red but smirked right back, "_Front_? You been hangin' out with us hood folk too long, Brady. Now face down, ass up."

"Wait, wait, wait…" I pushed myself up and looked down at him with lidded eyes and a drunken grin.

I popped open the button on my jeans and shimmied them down over my hips right underneath my briefs.

Then I crawled over his lap, ass in the air as I wiggled it again, "Now I'm ready, straight boy. Give me your best shot."

He howled in laughter as he saw the undies Suzie had gotten me for my birthday. They were cotton candy pink with two big handprints on the ass cheeks and rainbow letters in cursive across it that read 'Spank me, it's my birthday…'

Chuckling, he smiled down at me as he shook his head, "It's no wonder Brandon loves you so much. You're a fuckin' nut, Brady."

That…that actually made me feel kinda bad. And I didn't wanna feel bad tonight. I didn't wanna think of how much he loves me because I was terrified that '_loves'_ had turned into '_loved'_. Past tense. No present. No future. Past.

Lowering my head, I squeezed my eyes shut as the first smack came. I'm pretty sure by the time they got to twenty smacks, everyone at the table had taken a few good whacks. My ass was sore but my dick was half hard and I slurred as I stumbled out of his lap rubbing a hand over my tender cheeks, "You owe me a dance…practically molested me…"

Jeremiah just cackled in laughter as he handed me another shot. I tossed it back and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand before grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

"Alright, alright, I'll dance with ya if Em joins…"

Emmett choked on his beer, eyes wide as he shook his head, "Hell no! I don't dance. I don't even dance with Rosie…"

She nodded in affirmation but I bent down and grabbed his hand, batting my eyelashes and giving him the puppy dog pout, "Aww, c'mon, Em…please! It's my birthday…"

His whole face turns red but with Rosalie's push, he's up on his feet with a stumble as he sighs, "You owe me, man…like babysitting for _life_."

I just chuckled as I dragged him and Jeremiah out on the dance floor. Jeremiah was pretty into it, grinding me from the front as Em danced in the back but tried very hard to keep his dick away from my ass.

It was hilarious.

After a few minutes, I motioned for Ali and Rosie to join us and ducked my way out graciously for the straight boys.

I told Suzie I was gonna go to the little boys room and I'd be back in a minute. On my way, I passed by the back room and caught a glimpse of Eddie on his knees in front of a very flushed Jay with his head tipped back against the wall, lip curled into a sexy snarl.

His big hands were wrapped in Eddie's crazy bronze hair, Eddie's pretty green eyes lidded as he looked up at him. Then he pulled his lips off Jay's dick with a crooked grin and said something I couldn't hear and then Jay was laughing, blond curls bouncing as he rubbed his hand through Eddie's hair affectionately and looked at him with so much love in his eyes that it made my heart hurt just as much as my dick...which, oops, somehow I'm rubbing through my jeans as I lean against the wall a little too close for comfort to the live boy porn in front of me.

Jay sees me, gives me a small grin before Eddie plunges back down and he's lost to him again. Not gonna lie, I reminiscence about that crazy dream I had a few years ago with the three of us...and Em...and then Carlisle. It felt so real at the time.

Oh God, I really have to walk away now before visions of Jeremiah jump in and...Brandon.

Fuck. I'm an awful person.

I scrub my hands across my eyes and adjust my cock before forcing myself away from them.

When I'm weaving my way back through the crowd to the table, my eyes connect with a slate gray pair that catch me by surprise.

Breaking out into a grin, I wave and make my way over to him, grabbing onto the backs of a few chairs and only tripping once.

He's sitting at a small table by himself nursing a beer when I get there.

"Hey Oliver! What are you doing here?"

With a small smile, he motions to the dance floor and sighs, "Ah…date. He's out there…somewhere. Probably off in the backroom getting a blow job for all I know."

My grin falls as I climb up on the stool, very carefully so I don't tumble off, across from him, "Oh, I'm sorry."

He just shrugs and pulls at the collar of his baby blue button-up shirt that's clinging to his chest with sweat, "Eh, it happens."

"It shouldn't. That's pretty shitty."

Chuckling, he takes a pull from his beer and nods, "Yes, well, that's what I get for dating boys half my age. No sense of loyalty."

I chew on my lip for a second, throat scratchy and raw before I rasp, "Not all young guys are like that. I would never cheat on my boyfriend."

His lips quirk into a grin as he nods, "Maybe you're the exception, Brady. Speaking of boyfriends, I must admit that I first noticed you about an hour ago. I've been spending the better part of the evening trying to guess which one is your boyfriend but for the life of me, I cannot figure it out."

Grinning, I glance over my shoulder at the table where my friends are slowly reconvening, "Oh, no, they're all just friends. My boyfriend, Brandon, actually lives in Texas. He couldn't make it. It's uh, my birthday."

"Oh? Finally 21, huh?"

Snorting, I lean against the table on my elbows and smile up at him, "Sure. Let's go with that."

He raises an eyebrow and just shakes his head with a chuckle, "I don't even want to know. So, let me buy you a drink for your birthday."

"You don't have to do that…"

"I'd like to. If that's okay?"

For some reason, a blush comes to my cheeks as I look down at the table and shrug, "Um, okay, sure."

I order a double shot of Crown Royal and he snickers as he orders the same.

Raising the glass, I just smirk, "What? A princess needs his Crown."

He raises his glass with a smile, "I suppose he does. Happy birthday, Brady."

"Thanks, Oliver."

We both throw our shots back and wince a little. And then we just start making small talk. He asks about my job and I tell him it's great and I ask him about work and he tells me about a trip to Paris he's preparing for. It sounds fascinating! Not his job so much, but just his life. He travels a lot and some of the stories he has are amazing.

I'm having a really good time just talking to him when he casts a glance over my shoulder and raises an eyebrow as he leans a little closer, "So, are you sure that you're not dating one of those blond guys because they're glaring at me pretty hard right now."

I turn to look and Jeremiah and Jasper are giving Oliver the stink eye and don't even try to hide it when I glare back.

"No. They're my boyfriend's cousins actually and overly protective. I swear, it's like my friends are a cult and we're not allowed to have friends outside the circle. Even though they all have friends but _noooo_, not _Brady_. Brady can't be friends with an attractive man without wanting to bone him…"

He chuckles and my eyes go wide as I realize what I just said.

"Um, not that I want to bone you. I mean, yeah you're attractive but I'm not talking to you because you're so hot and _oh_ _my_ _God_, I'm shutting up right now…"

My whole body is on fire as I cross my arms over my chest that I just realized is still very much bare.

I am such an idiot sometimes.

But thankfully, Oliver doesn't make a big deal out of it.

"Well, thank you for the compliment, sort of. So, you're in a long-distance relationship, huh? That must be pretty hard."

"Yeah. I mean, I miss him a lot. Wish I could see him more but flying to Texas is pretty expensive and with work and school and stuff…yeah, it's hard."

"Does he come here to see you often?"

"Um, no. It's not his fault though, he totally would if he…it's just complicated."

I didn't really feel right talking about Brandon's situation to an outsider. Oliver, though, was gracious as always.

With a small chuckle, he nodded his head as he rolled the beer bottle between his palms, "Relationships usually are. Well, I guess I should let you get back to your friends. I'm going to go try to find my date so we can leave. I have to pack tomorrow so…anyway, it was nice talking to you Brady."

"You too. Have some fun on your trip or with your date tonight if you find him."

He smiles as he stands and helps me when I stumble off the stool.

"Enjoy the rest of your birthday. Be safe going home. You're taking a cab, right?"

I smile up at him as I sway on my feet a little, "Oh, I'm not driving. I don't even own a car. I can barely afford the bus…oh my _God_, I'm _so_ shutting up now. It's fine, really. I'll probably crash at a friend's house and it's within walking distance so…yeah…okay, bye."

I hear him say good-bye as I bolt for my table and only have to grab onto things a few times. When I get back to the table, Jay does his judgmental eyebrow thing again, "So who was the douche buyin' you drinks?"

Countering with a bitch brow, I huff, "He's not a douche. He's a very nice guy. That was Oliver, the guy that helped me get the job at the art museum. I am capable of having friends outside our obsessive little circle, Jay."

He pouted like someone kicked his puppy, "We're not obsessive…"

But Eddie just nudged him in the ribs as he nodded, "We kind of are, Jay."

Jeremiah huffs as he scratches at the label on his beer bottle, "I don't like it. He's into you. You shouldn't be lettin' him buy you drinks, it ain't right…"

At this point, I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air so I do as I growl in exasperation, "Oh my God, _really_? This from the man that bent me over his knee and spanked me?! You guys are such hypocrites. You can grind me and smack my ass and make lewd comments all night long but one attractive man buys me a drink and actually has a normal conversation with me and all of a sudden I'm doing something wrong? That's bullshit…"

Jay sighs as he looks up at me, "It's different, Brady. Brandon's our cousin, he loves you and he wouldn't…"

But I'm already upset and emotional and maybe a little too drunk because I dive into Suzie's purse hanging on the back of the chair and yank my phone out.

Then I face it toward them and hit the button that lights up the screen showing no new messages as I sneer, "Oh yeah, he loves me _so_ much, Jay. He barely even speaks to me anymore! It's been my birthday for two hours and he hasn't even texted me! Do you know how often I talk to him now? Huh? If I'm lucky, twice a day for maybe ten minutes and a few random texts that say absolutely nothing! We haven't even had cyber sex in over two weeks! I'm losing him and there's nothing I can do about it! All I wanted was one night to have fun and not be sad about my boyfriend falling out of love with me…"

The tears came without warning, without thought. Everyone was gaping at me, wide eyed and slack jawed as embarrassment flooded me. The super flaming, overdramatic, twink was throwing a hissy fit. Typical.

Edward was the first one to jump up and come over to comfort me but I couldn't stand the thought. I didn't want to be comforted. I didn't want to be touched. I just wanted to be left alone…to run away and hide, blend into the wall like I tried to do in high school in the vain hope that people would just walk right by and never even notice I was there.

"_Don't_," I choked out as I pushed Edward's hand away and ran like a true drama queen. Jay was up next, trying to follow me as I fled but I turned and shook my head, holding one hand up to stop him, "_No_, Jay…"

To his merit, the boy looked wracked with guilt, his blue eyes shimmering as he rasped, "Brady, I'm…"

I couldn't handle 'I'm sorry' right now. I couldn't handle any of it. So I just repeated myself as firmly as I could when shuddering with sobs, "_No_…"

He finally listened for once, stopping mid-stride and wrapping his arms around himself like it physically hurt to hear me tell him 'no'. But he would be okay. He always had Eddie.

A minute later, I got my wish. I was completely alone. Sitting in the alleyway, the dirty hard ground underneath me, cold brick wall against my bare back and shivering not just from tears but from the bitter sting of the chilly October night, I felt truly pathetic.

It was no wonder Brandon was losing interest in me. What kind of man acted the way I just acted? What kind of man ran crying from his friends, _in_ _public_, to sit half-naked in 40 degree weather and sulk?

I wasn't a man. I was a loser. A sissy. A worthless excuse for anything but the punch line to a joke.

And I was freezing my balls off. A fitting end to an emasculating evening.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and buried my face to hide the ugly sobs and try to keep my teeth from chattering.

It had been a horrible night. All the laughter and drinking and dancing were nothing but a ruse to hide how sad I really was. And as if it couldn't get worse, I heard a familiar voice and his boy toy walking on the street, laughing as they left the club.

But if life has taught me anything, it's that it can _always_ get worse.

"Brady? Is that you?"

I kept my face hidden in my knees and rasped, "No. You must have me confused with someone else."

His voice was soft as he whispered to the boy with him, "Give me a minute…"

The kid huffed with an exasperated groan, "Oh come on, Oliver! He wants to be left alone anyway…"

"Daniel, after what you just put me through in there, you can give me two minutes to speak to my friend or you can take a cab back to your dorm. _Alone_. I really don't care which you decide."

The boy made an indignant sound but apparently stayed put as Oliver walked down the dirty, dark alley.

"M'fine, Oliver. Really. You should take your date home and have a little fun before your trip…"

I still hadn't looked up, too embarrassed and ashamed but I could feel the warmth of his breath as he crouched down and whispered, "You're alone and crying on your birthday, Brady. I don't think you're fine…"

Shaking my head but still not looking up, I sniffled, "I am though. _Really_. I'm just being a stupid little drama queen…"

"Being upset doesn't make you some silly little queen, Brady. It just makes you human. And as a perfectly normal man, you're going to catch pneumonia out here without a shirt on…"

I snorted at the 'perfectly normal man' part but then my eyes snapped up when I felt the soft warmth of his jacket being draped over my shoulders.

"Oliver, I can't take your jacket…"

He just smiled softly as his slate eyes looked into mine, "Yes, you can. I'll swing by the museum sometime next week when I get back from my trip to pick it up but I refuse to let you sit out here in the cold without it."

I had to admit, it felt a hundred times better being snuggled in the soft wool of his jacket. It was a little too big but so warm and smelled like the expensive cologne he always wore.

So I just pulled it a little tighter and sniffled, "Thank you."

With a small nod of his head, he whispered, "You're welcome."

He was so close, his pretty eyes so warm and he smelled absolutely delicious as he glanced at my lips. And then I glanced at his.

All he had to do was lean just a little bit closer and…

"Oh my God, Cuddlebug, are you okay?"

I jumped back, my eyes wide as I stared up at Suzie. My heart was racing and holy fuckballs I almost kissed another man.

I really was a slut.

Instantly, the dam broke as I sobbed, "_No_, Suzie, I'm really _not_ okay."

Then she was by my side, pulling me into her arms and running her fingers through my hair, "I'm so sorry, honey. I was in the ladies room talkin' to Yolanda and I shoulda been there when they ganged up on you…"

I latched onto her, crying into her hair as I shook my head, "S'my fault…all my fault…"

"Shh, baby…everythin's fine…you're okay…you're just really drunk right now and everythin' seems way bigger than it really is…"

But being drunk didn't make it okay to do what I almost did. I was a horrible, wretched person and Brandon deserved better than me anyway.

Oliver finally spoke again, standing as he looked down at us, "Well, uh…I'm going to go now that your friend is here…"

Suzie gave him a sympathetic smile as she rocked me, "Thanks, mister, for takin' care of him."

"Oliver. My name is Oliver. I'm…"

"Oh, you're the guy that helped him with the job! That was awfully nice of you. It's a pleasure to meet you, honey. Sorry, it's under such bad circumstances."

He waved it off with a small smile, "You must be his roommate. He's told me about you. It's nice to meet you too. Take care of him, he's had a rough night."

"Of course I will. He's gonna be okay, ain't ya boo bear…"

I just sobbed a little harder and clutched a little stronger.

Oliver left and Suzie held onto me until I calmed down. Then she brushed the matted hair from my forehead and sighed, "What's goin' on, Brady? This ain't about the boys bein' dicks about Oliver. This is about Brandon, huh?"

Sniffling, I nod my head and whisper, "I just…I miss him, Suzie. I miss him so much that it feels like I'm not even a whole person sometimes. And it scares me, ya know? To be that…needy. I feel pathetic and clingy, like I'm bugging him because sometimes I text him like four or five times before I get a response and lately the responses have been dwindling down to one or two words. I mean, in the beginning it was so just so intense and perfect but now it just feels like maybe it's cooling off…"

"Baby doll, I don't know much about relationships but I know my cousin. If Brandon wasn't into you, he'd tell you. He wouldn't string you along, he ain't like that. Brandon has always been…I don't know, kinda quiet…kinda introverted ya know? Where my bubby has always been cocky and loud and brash, Brandon has always been kinda tucked away inside himself. Even as a kid, he wasn't good with his words. Brandon loves in actions, not words. He always has. I'm willin' to bet that this is hurtin' him just as much as it's hurtin' you because he ain't able to wrap you up in a hug or hold you close. If you wanna know what Brandon is feelin', honey, you're gonna have to come right out and ask him."

Laying my head on her shoulder, I sigh, "I really acted like an idiot tonight. I know Jeremiah and Jay didn't really mean to upset me…"

"They're dumbasses sometimes but they just love you. They're ridiculously selfish when it comes to, like, bein' in our circle, ya know? I swear, every Whitlock's first word was 'mine'."

That makes me snort as I smile up at her, "Yeah, I know. I need to talk to them…"

So we gathered ourselves up and started to head back into the club but I really didn't want to face a bunch of strangers after I ran crying from the place like a 12 year-old girl so I waited outside for everybody to make their way out.

Jay was the first one out with his arm around a very drunken Edward. He looked at me, blue eyes all sad as he sighed and threw his other arm around me.

"I'm sorry, man…"

"It's okay…"

"No, it ain't. I know you better than to think you'd ever do somethin' behind B's back…"

Ugh, guilt, guilt, guilt because I almost kissed Oliver. I probably wouldn't have but I thought about it. I'm a horrible, bad person.

Then his eyes narrowed as he huffed, "Whose jacket is this?"

Aww, shit.

"Um…"

Thankfully, Edward saved me.

"Jay," he chided, "Not your business."

Jasper grunted, nostrils flaring as he fought back the urge to press the issue but relented when Edward's eyebrow raised.

"Fine. You still crashin' at our place?"

I shrugged and looked up at him warily, "Um, yeah, if it's okay?"

Finally his features softened, a half smile on his face as he bumped his forehead to mine, "You're always welcome at our house, Brady. Even if you're a dick that wears other guys' jackets…"

"Jay," Edward huffed but I just snorted.

"Thanks, Jay. And I was just cold. I lost my shirt somewhere. Couldn't find that fucker anywhere…"

He tousled my hair as he pushed my shoulder, "Maybe you shouldn't spin it 'round your head like a helicopter."

"I'm pretty sure the song told me to," I smiled as I pushed him back.

"Alright, guys, this is where we take off," Emmett chuckled as a cab pulled up to the curb.

"Thanks for coming, guys. Sorry about…ya know," I looked down at the ground, tracing the cracks in the sidewalk with my toe when Em swept me up in a big old-fashioned bear hug.

"I had fun, man. Happy birthday. We'll call you tomorrow."

I hugged him back with a giggle and then gave Rosie and Alice hugs as we said good night.

And then there was Jeremiah, slapping the roof of the cab and looking at the driver.

"Give me a minute?"

I heard Alice tell the guy to relax and start the meter. Jeremiah jammed his hands in his pockets and motioned for me to walk with him.

Crap.

He walked ahead away from the gang and I followed until we were out of ear shot. Then I leaned against the cold brick wall as I looked up at him, biting my lip and huddling in the jacket.

"What's up, Jeremiah?"

His voice was low, raspy and that southern drawl, thicker from the alcohol made me think of Brandon.

"What are you doin?"

"I wasn't doing anything." Still, I couldn't quite meet his eyes.

Jeremiah motioned with his chin, "You're wearin' that dickhead's jacket."

"I ran outside with no shirt on and he was just being nice."

"You shouldn't be wearin' it, Brady. It ain't right."

I folded my arms across my chest. "You're making this into something that it isn't."

"Am I?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He raked a hand through his hair and grunted in exasperation, "You know what it means, Brady. Who the fuck am I supposed to be mad at here? If Brandon is blowin' you off, then yeah, it pisses me off but you gotta man up and talk to him about this shit. You can't just be off gallivantin' around town…"

That caught my attention and I stared at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding me right now? You. Spanked. Me."

"That's different! You're mine. You're part of our circle, man! One of my best friends…"

"_Please_, Jeremiah, you're only friends with me because of Jay and Suzie and now Brandon. I get that okay? So don't try to make it out like we're besties and you don't know who you'd be mad at if Brandon and I broke up because I know better."

My arms were still crossed over my chest as I spit the words at him like a vicious little brat.

I expected him to get angry. To tell me to fuck off and huff along his merry way but what I didn't expect was the way his breath caught and his blue eyes filled up as he whispered, "You really think that of me? You really think I don't care about you?"

I dropped my eyes, unable to take the way he was looking at me because I knew everything I just said was bullshit.

"Look at me, god damn it." He smacked the wall hard next to my head and left his palm there, leaning in close.

Biting back my own tears, I snapped my eyes to his, still feeling defiant for some reason. My emotions were all over the place tonight. He snarled through gritted teeth, "How can you say that, huh? My fuckin' son calls you 'Uncle'. I don't give a fuck if you and Brandon break up tomorrow, you're still gonna be his god damn uncle. And you're still gonna be my friend. At least I thought we were friends. The fuck is wrong with you, Brady?"

Shaking my head against the wall, I clenched my eyes shut, driving my fingernails into my palms as I sobbed. "I don't know…"

"Did Brandon do somethin'? Cause if he did, I'm sure he didn't mean it…"

My voice shook as I screamed, "_No_! He didn't do _anything_! That's the _point_! He barely speaks to me anymore! He won't answer my texts…barely grunts when I call him…he's not into me anymore…and I can't…I can't…"

Breathe. I couldn't breathe.

"Shit, man," he reached for me, pulling me into a hug as I sobbed against his chest. "I knew somethin' was up with him. He ain't been talkin' to me much lately either. This ain't _you_, Brady, this is him. He does this. He don't deal with shit good. He just pulls away and tries to keep it all bottled up till that shit explodes. I'ma talk to him…"

Shaking my head, I rasped, "Don't…I don't want him to get mad at me…"

He pulled away and held my shoulders steady as he bent down to look me in the eyes, "Don't be scared of him, Brady. You're better than that. You can't be afraid of makin' him mad. You gotta stick up for yourself…"

Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, I sniffled, "But I'm not good at that…"

Chuckling, he leaned against the brick wall, shoulder to shoulder with me as he pulled out a cigarette and smiled, "Yeah, I know. You remember the first time I picked you and Suzie up from school?"

Now I snorted as I remembered it.

_Jeremiah was waiting in the parking lot, holding JJ's hands as the little boy bounced on the hood of his truck. Suzie was running late from softball practice. I had stayed over for drama, painting the backdrops to the upcoming play and I was outside first. The parking lot was virtually abandoned but of course, I ran into some jerks as I cut through it. Whenever they caught me alone, they tormented me with their usual witty repartee of 'Fag', 'Fairy', and 'Cocksucker'. I just ignored it as I bounded over to the truck, cheeks red because Jeremiah could hear them._

_But I'll never forget what he did._

_His eyes narrowed as he glared at them and said, "Oh hell no. Here. Hold my baby."_

_He handed me JJ as he went over and hoe'd the shit out of them. Not only did they come over and apologize to me, but they apologized to JJ for making his daddy be ugly in front of him._

Looking over at me, he grinned, "I barely even knew you back then and I still stood up for you. I'll always stand up for you, man. Even against Brandon if he's doin' wrong. You almost made me cry, you little fucker. You know how I get when I'm drinkin'."

Sniffling, I wiped my eyes again and gave him a small smile, "I know. I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I'm just really messed up right now and a little emotional. You're a good friend."

"Psh, I know. I'm the shit. Men wanna be me. Women wanna fuck me. Hell, some men wanna fuck me too."

"Oh my God, you're ridiculous," I rolled my eyes with a chuckle.

But then he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and let me cuddle into him so I couldn't be mad.

"Brady, I know shit's hard right now. But don't give up on my boy. He loves you. You're the best fuckin' thing that ever happened to him and I know you get lonely sometimes. I know it's hard. But he fuckin' needs you. That boy ain't ever had nothin' good in his life. It's just been shit after shit piled on top of more shit. But I know that if you can just tough this shit out with him, it's gonna be worth it 'cause Brandon ain't nothin' if not the most loyal fucker I ever known. This ain't some fling to him…ain't some shit to pass the time. This is it. He loves you and he just ain't gonna stop. It takes a lot to earn his respect, even more to earn his trust…but to earn his love, that's a thing ain't nobody ever gotten from him like you do. Just don't give up, man."

I sighed, "I'm not giving up, Jeremiah. I love him."

He nudged my shoulder, lips quirking in a half smirk, "So, you know Oliver ain't ever gonna hit it like a Whitlock boy. Psh. _Oliver_. That just sounds like a douche name."

With an ugly, watery snort, I rolled my eyes and pushed away from the wall, "_Oliver _will never hit anything because I'm taken."

He chuckled as he fell in step beside me, "That's my boy."

We made our way back to the group and Jeremiah gave me another hug, told me he loved me, and they took off.

Suzie sided up next to me, grabbing my hand and leaning in as we walked back to Eddie and Jay's apartment.

"Everythin' okay, sweetie?"

I managed a half grin, squeezing her hand back and nodded, "Yeah. Sorta. I guess. I don't know, Suzie. I'm just..."

Taking a deep breath, I slowly exhale and try to let some of the tension in my shoulders ease as I sigh, "I'm just really drunk."

She raises an eyebrow, like all those damn Whitlock's do but unlike the others, she just rests her head on my shoulder and whispers, "I'm here, babe."

I'm really grateful for her.

Once we get back to the apartment, Eddie brings each of us a long t-shirt of Jay's to sleep in and tells us to take the guest room.

I pull off Oliver's jacket and fold it gently over a chair before slipping out of my jeans and yanking the tee over my head. Looking over at Suzie I bite my lip and mumble, "Hey, um...do you still have my phone?"

She pulls the tee down over her boobs and nods as she starts digging in her purse. Pulling it out, she tosses it on the bed and I lean over to grab it.

Whispering to myself with closed eyes, I mumble 'please' over and over again before finally hitting the button and taking a look.

Nothing.

I was tired of crying, refused to do it anymore tonight. So instead, I just sigh and set it on the nightstand before crawling into bed with Suzie. I curl up on my side facing away from her and staring out the window, wondering if Brandon is looking at the same moon.

I knew we were far away from each other but I never actually felt as far away from him as I do tonight.

It's a horrible feeling.

A minute later, I feel arms around my waist and a tickle at my ear as Suzie snuggles into me.

"You okay, Brady?"

I latch onto her, tightening her arms around me as I sigh, "I don't know, I'm just...what am I doing, Suze? You know, when we first decided to move in together for college and start this new life together, I never imagined that I'd actually have a boyfriend. And it should be great, right? I should be happy. But I'm not. This should be, like, the happiest time in my life but I'm just...I'm really, really sad."

Her breath was warm against my neck and smelled of peach schnapps as she whispered, "I'm sorry you're sad, babe. I love my cousin, he's a good guy but you can't let this relationship dictate your happiness. _Heh_, dictate..."

She snickers in my ear and I snort as I turn around to face her, "Oh my God, I love you. Why can't you have a dick so I could just marry you?"

With a soft grin, she sighs, "It'll be okay, Brady. Anythin' worth havin' is worth fightin' for. I learned a long time ago that happiness don't just come 'cause you want it to, you gotta fight for it. If you want this thing to work with you and Brandon, you're gonna have to be willin' to fight for it. You gotta talk to him, love bug."

"How do you come up with all these pet names?"

"I don't know. I'm pretty creative for a hood bitch."

I chuckle and lay my head on her shoulder, arm around her waist as I smile, "You are _not_, have never _been_, and never will _be_ a bitch, Suzie. You're brilliant. And wonderful. And I love you."

"I love you too, snuggle bunny."

"You're all ridiculous. Every last one of you."

She kisses my forehead and giggles, "Yeah. But you love us."

"Yeah," I sigh deeply and close my eyes, "I really do."

.

.

.

In the middle of the night I wake up with a lurching ache in my stomach and my head pounding like the speakers in Jeremiah's car.

Yanking myself out of bed, I manage to make it to the toilet before I'm gagging and getting sick. My stomach is wrenching and my eyes are watering as I cling to the seat like it's my last lifeline.

Once my stomach is empty, I lay my head against the cold seat and can't stop the sobs that come. I feel like shit, inside and out. It's been a long time since I've drank so much and I know that I was just trying to bury my problems in alcohol tonight instead of facing them. But that's what I'm good at; avoiding my problems.

I need Brandon. I need to talk to him. Need to find out what's going on and if he still loves me because this is killing me.

Pulling myself up, I pad into the bedroom and grab my phone from the nightstand before silently slipping out again. I stumble my way into the living room and go to the balcony but when I step out onto it, I see a shirtless Jay clad only in low-slung basketball shorts taking a drag of a cigarette.

His eyes snap up to mine as he slowly exhales, "You okay, man?"

Shrugging, I flop down in the chair next from him and sigh, "I've had better days, Jay."

For a little while we were quiet, just watching the lights of the city shine bright into the dark sky and that same full moon taunting me with thoughts of a clear Texas backdrop.

"Ya know," he takes a puff and sighs, "If you woulda told me when I was a kid that I'd get to walk right out on my own balcony and see a view like this, I woulda never believed you."

"Yeah, me neither," I muse as I look out over the city.

This isn't as big as the dreams I had as a kid but this was real which made it all the more surreal.

He leans forward, hands clasped between his knees after stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray, and looks up at me from underneath messy blond curls.

"We came from a lot of fucked up shit, Brady. Brandon had it worse than any of the rest of us and I get what he's doin'. He doesn't believe this shit is real yet...doesn't see this kinda life as somethin' he could ever really have. So he's fightin' it. That's what we Whitlock's do; we fight.

"He doesn't think he deserves you, doesn't see it as a real possibility that you could actually be in love with someone like him 'cause to him, he ain't nothin' worth lovin'. It's the message he's been gettin' his whole life. I remember what that's like. We all do.

"Brandon is pullin' away from you 'cause he's scared to let himself be happy. 'Cause when we finally get to be happy, we know that it can all be taken away. That's scary shit, man. The thought that you finally had a chance at somethin' good, somethin' real...and you couldn't keep it? Well, maybe that's the proof that you didn't deserve it to begin with. That's why we're so protective of each other and act a'fool when someone threatens this little piece of heaven we're clingin' to. Because deep down, none of us is sure we deserve it, but we'll fight damn hard to keep it.

"I'm not tryin' to get all up in your relationship, Brady. I just want you to know that you're the best thing that coulda ever happened in that boy's life and I want you to understand the kinda weight that carries. It ain't an easy thing to love someone...but it ain't easy bein' loved either 'cause..."

He paused, taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes and bowed his head. When he finally looked back up at me, his eyes were shimmering blue as he whispered, "I know that if I go down, I'm bringin' Eddie with me. He loves me, for whatever crazy reason, and he won't let go no matter how bad I'm bein' pulled under. That's a heavy weight to carry, man."

Tears bit at my eyes again as I pulled the long tee down over my knees and looked up at the stars I knew were there but couldn't see.

"He's not dragging me down."

"You think I can't see what he's doin' to you? Think I can't feel the fuckin' pain you're in? I do, man. I see it. I fuckin' feel it. But he ain't doin' it to hurt you, or because he doesn't care. He loves you, I'm sure of that. 'Cause I know my family, and that boy, he's drownin' right now, and maybe he feels safer pushin' you away now before he drags you under with him. It's gonna take all of us to reel him back to shore, Brady but none of us are gonna be strong enough to reach him without you."

"This ain't no fairy tale. This is real. Brandon's dealin' with real shit; depression, anger, so much fuckin' trauma. And there ain't no quick, magical little fix for it. It's gonna be hard and sometimes it's gonna hurt. So, if you love him, dry them tears up, hold that pretty face high and be ready to fight. You're one of us now, Brady, gotta toughen up, man. And don't be scared 'cause no matter what happens, we're family. We might get mad, fight and bicker and shit, but in the end, we always got you."

I sniffle as I move my gaze to his. He really is a good guy.

"I love you, Jasper."

He grins, dimples deep as he nods, "I know. I'm a lovable mother fucker."

Snorting, I roll my eyes and shake my head, "All of you...totally ridiculous."

"I love you too, Brady. There's just so much love right now...like seriously, so much love."

He's teasing my about my little love-filled drunken rant earlier so I shove his shoulder as he snickers and I call him an asshole to which he just rubs his scruffy chin and answers, "Yeah."

"S'going on?" Edward walks out on the balcony in his sleep pants and holey tee, hair thoroughly fucked up but not surprisingly still looking like a damn GQ model.

Jay smiles and leans back as he pats his lap, "Hey baby boy. Just sittin' here shootin' the shit."

Edward crawls into his lap and snuggles into his neck as he mumbles sleepily, "Mmm...everything okay?"

Jay cards his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face as he kisses his forehead and then trails his hands down his back to hold onto him.

"Yeah, it's all good, babe. You ready to go back to bed?"

Edward wriggles in his lap, ass all in the air like a kitten as he nods, "Mmm hmm...need you though...can't sleep without you...don't want to..."

Jay flashes me a small smile and I nod, "Take your hubby to bed, Jay. I'm good now. Think I'm gonna call Brandon."

"Okay, man. You know where we are if you need us."

He hoists Edward up in his arms as Ed laughs, "I'm too big for you to carry, Jay."

Jasper just smirks as he kicks open the door, "Ya ain't ever gonna be too big for me to carry you, darlin'."

They both say goodnight and I take a deep breath as I stare at my phone. Finger hovering over the button as I give myself a pep talk.

But then the door slides back open as Edward shuffles out, "Here, Brady. I started making you some tea before I came out here."

He hands me the steaming mug and drops a couple of pills in my hand with a crooked grin.

Aspirin.

I'm so very thankful for my friends.

"Thanks, Edward."

"You're welcome. Good night. Love you."

"Night. Love you too."

He disappears back into the house as I pop the pills in my mouth and take a drink from the warm mug.

Then I whisper to myself, "Man the fuck up, Brady."

It's after 3:00 am and only a little after 5:00 am there but I don't care; he used to wake me up all the time, it's his turn now.

"Brady?" his rough, scratchy voice rasps, "You okay, princess?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Um...yeah, I'm okay just...I'm just..."

I'm panicking with no idea of what to say now when I hear him shuffling and suddenly sounding wide awake as he grunts, "The fuck is wrong? What's goin' on?"

"Nothing is wrong, I just...I um..."

Don't cry, Brady...don't cry..."

"Why are you cryin'?"

Damn it.

It makes me mad that suddenly he sounds like he gives a damn. Like I had to catch him off guard so he'd let a little emotion slip through.

"Do you still love me, Brandon?" I gasp out as I try to catch my breath.

"What? The fuck are you...yeah, Brady. _Yes_. I love you. What's goin' on?"

"You barely talk to me anymore...you act like you're not interested and I just...I just..."

"You're what? You told me you'd be out all night so I didn't think you wanted to talk anymore tonight."

"I only said that because I wanted you to act like you gave a damn! But you didn't! You just don't anymore! You send me two or three words when I send you text after text and I feel like I'm just bugging the shit out of you!"

"You're not! This shit ain't easy, okay?!"

"It's not easy for me either but..."

"No, fuck that! You think this is fun for me, huh? You think I like seein' you get all dolled up to go out and dance with a bunch of fuckers that ain't me? You think I like knowin' that you're surrounded by smarter fuckers and a whole better class of people than I'm ever gonna be? This ain't fun and it ain't easy! I got a lot of shit goin' on right now, Brady! I don't need this bullshit!"

"You think I need this, Brandon?! You think I need to spend my whole night out miserable because I don't know if you even really like me anymore?"

"Yeah, you looked real fuckin' miserable in all those pictures I got," he sneered with so much venom in his voice that it nearly brought me to my knees.

"Brandon, I love you," I pleaded through wracking sobs.

"What's wrong, Brady? You cold? Maybe you oughtta go grab that dick's jacket to keep you warm 'cause I can't be there to do it. I ain't _ever_ gonna be there. If you ain't happy, sounds like you got other options..."

Fucking Jeremiah.

"It wasn't like that! I was cold and I lost my shirt!"

"You took your shirt off and threw it, Brady. You think I don't know what's goin' on? I know, okay? I ain't fuckin' stupid."

"Brandon," I sobbed, "it's not like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was just...it's my birthday and I just..."

I didn't even know what to say. How was it that I started out as the angry one and now here I am crying my eyes out and begging for forgiveness?

He let out a loud sigh and I heard the sound of him lighting up a cigarette before he exhaled harshly. Then he spoke softly, the anger out of his voice but all emotion was gone too.

"It's your birthday and you're fuckin' twenty years old, man. You don't need this shit. You should be able to go out with your friends and have a good time without..."

But now I cut him off with a blubbery growl, "Quit trying to give me an out, Brandon! I don't want out! I just want you!"

"Well you can't have me!" he screamed, "I ain't ever gonna be there! _This_! This right here is all we're ever gonna have and there ain't ever gonna be nothin' else! You're a smart little fucker, Brady, so take off the god damn blinders and see this for what it is!"

"What is it, Brandon?" I choked out, voice soft with desperation as I clung to my phone.

He let out a growl of frustration before taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. Then he spoke quiet and calm as he whispered, "This is a waste of time, Brady. This is a waste of your fuckin' time."

I sniffled as I let out a breath and tried to hold my voice steady, "It's _my_ time, Brandon. _Mine_. If I decide I wanna spend it with you then that's on me. That's _my_ decision. I don't need you telling me what I need and what I don't. I know what I need. What I need to know is what _you_ need. What _you_ want. I _love_ you. I _want_ you. Do you still want me?"

"Brady, it ain't about..."

But I cut him off, "Brandon, I'm asking you a simple question. I just want a simple answer. Do you still want to be with me? Yes or no. No buts, no explanations...just yes or no."

He was quiet for a minute, only the sound of breathing to signal he was even still there. My heart stopped beating, time stood still as I waited with baited breath for the most important answer to any question I had ever asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, Brady, I wanna be with you but..."

"_No_, Brandon. Talk to me. _Please_. Just tell me what's going on with you because I feel like I'm going crazy here."

He went quiet again but I tried to be patient and just wait until he was ready. If I pushed too hard, he would just blow up again or shut down completely.

After a long time, when my eyes were closed as I leaned back into the chair and almost drifted off, he finally spoke.

Voice rough and raspy but in a strangled whisper he said, "I just...I really _miss_ you. I'm used to bein' alone. Been alone my whole life but...I ain't ever wanted to just be with somebody the way I do you and I can't. I can't be there. I can't wipe away your tears...can't hold you...can't even look you in the eye face-to-face and tell you I love you, Brady. But I do. I love you. I just wish you wouldn't love me so much. Wish you'd just let me go."

Everything hurt, my head, my stomach, my body...but nothing hurt as much as my heart. I tried to remember Jay's words. I was never much of a fighter but I sure as Hell wasn't letting go without a fight.


	28. Chapter 28

_AN: First, I hope you guys had a lovely holiday! Hopefully work will start slowing down (I'm an accountant believe it or not lol and year end is always crazy), but hopefully I should be able to get back to writing more so you guys don't have to wait such a ridiculous amount of time for an update. I have a couple of days off so I'm starting on the next chap tonight!_

_Also, I just posted a new one shot for the Spartacus fandom. It's called Of Wishes and Dreams and there is a link for a banner posted on my profile. If you haven't been introduced to the beautiful CANON relationship of Agron and Nasir, you need to Google them promptly. You won't be disappointed. The actors that played them, did so with complete perfection. I have never witnessed such an epic love story as theirs. And did I mention, it's CANON! Also, there's a softcore sex scene with partial nudity :) Just sayin._

_Lastly, this song is very important in this chapter. I will post a link but since FF is a pain in the butt with links, I will put it in my profile. I highly suggest you listen to it. It perfectly describes Brandon ATM. It's an acoustic version of Love Song by The Cure._

_Thanks, as always, to my lovely beta Nan for making my shit soooo much better._

**Brandon's POV**

I know I shouldn't sit here starin' at these god damn pictures all night but I couldn't help it. Brady looked good. He looked damn good. And happy. Really fuckin' happy.

It pissed me off 'cause I was sad as shit that I couldn't be there and he looked like he really didn't give a fuck. Yeah, I could tell he was drunk as a skunk but that didn't help none either. 'Cause I couldn't get fucked up. Couldn't smoke a fuckin' joint or pop a fuckin' pill or get shit-faced to just forget all this bullshit for a little while.

This was the longest I had ever been sober, Hell, I spent half my time in prison at least stoned. I was tryin' to be a stand up guy, a decent man but all I really wanted to do was get good and blasted so I wouldn't have to deal with any of these god damn feelin's for a spell.

It was fuckin' tirin' as shit to be good. Bein' bad was easy 'cause drugs and hard livin' made you just not give a fuck.

It was irrational to be mad at Brady 'cause he could get lost in liquor and just forget awhile, I knew that, but I couldn't help it. Shit fuckin' sucked.

I should at least be there with him. I'm his fuckin' boyfriend and I can't even take him out for his birthday...can't pick him up from work or take him out to lunch...I can't do _shit_ for him.

This past month I've been thinkin' a lot, too much probably. I always think too fuckin' much. But what else do I got? I got work and fuckin' therapy and...that's it, that's all I got.

I mean, yeah, I had Lexi and Sig and Lou Anne but they all had their own lives. And I had my cousins and shit too but they weren't _here_ and I wasn't good at talkin' really. I needed someone here. Needed someone just for me. But that was selfish. I've always been a selfish bastard. No one should have to devote their life to just bein' here when I needed them to be.

And I was selfish for hangin' onto Brady when I really should just let him go. Sure, he'd be hurt a little while but he'd get over it. He's young and has everybody around him all the time. He'd get over it and move on and find someone better.

But I didn't wanna let him go. I wanted him. I wanted him here even if it wasn't what was best for him. He shouldn't have to blow off school and work to come hang with my pathetic ass. If I keep hangin' on, I'm gonna drag him down with me.

'Cause I'm goin' down.

I can feel it. I always can. I've been a free man for 'bout a year and a half now and that's the longest it's been since I was 14 years old. I can feel the itch underneath my skin, that prickly sting of anger and just-don't-give-a-fuck that always blows up into a whole lot of nothin' good and puts me right back behind bars. I don't even know what it is, can't explain it. Maybe it's just 'cause I know that's where I belong. I'm a bad guy, done bad things and I ain't ever gonna pay for 'em all 'cause I keep fuckin' up and addin' to the long list of shit I gotta pay for. There ain't no peace for me. Ain't ever gonna be.

I can live a lie for a little while, pretend like I'm this normal guy with a normal job and tryin' to do better but it's all bullshit. I ain't ever gonna be happy. And that's how it should be 'cause I don't deserve it.

But Brady does.

He deserves a chance but he ain't ever gonna have it with me. I'm like poison to good people. I'm toxic to everyone who's stupid enough to care about me. Yeah, it sucks but it's true and I deserve that.

I needed to break up with Brady before it was too late. Before he got so wrapped up in my bullshit that he flunked outta school and lost his job and ended up in the gutter right beside me starin' up at the stars and pretendin' like everythin' was okay.

It was his birthday though. What kind of piece of shit would do that to someone they love on their fuckin' birthday? So, okay, maybe I wouldn't do it tonight. Maybe next week. But then Thanksgivin' and Christmas would be here. They didn't really mean shit to me but they meant somethin' to him and I'd hate to ruin it for him. So, okay, maybe after the New Year I would break this shit off.

But then I'd only have another couple months till my next hearin'. Maybe I could hang on long enough. Maybe it would be different this time.

Who the fuck am I kiddin? Ain't ever gonna be different. I ain't ever leavin' this fuckin' place. And would it really matter if I did? Can't escape my god damn head and all this bullshit, it would just follow me. I can fuck up in Seattle just as hard as I fuck up here. Only difference is, in Seattle I'd have a whole lot o'people I'd take down with me. Jeremiah, Jay, Suzie. They all had a chance without an ugly reminder of the past pullin' em down again. They could do well, _was_ doin' well off on their own. They didn't need me there. I'd poison them just like I do everythin' else.

I let out a growl of frustration, pullin' my hands through my hair as I threw my phone down on the coffee table. I needed to get outta here, needed to pull my head outta my ass but fuck it, I didn't wanna get off the couch.

Dolly whimpered, nuzzlin' up next to me and pushin' her little head underneath my arm. I felt my stress lessen a little as I leaned back and pulled her big ass into my lap. Pettin' her back, I sighed and laid my head on hers.

She licked my cheek and I almost teared up as I scratched her ears, "Sorry, baby girl. You deserve better too. I'm a'take ya to the park tomorrow, okay? I promise. Daddy'll get ya outta this house and play with you. I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit sometimes."

Her wet nose chuffed against my neck and tickled like a son-of-a-bitch as her little paw scratched at my belly while she tried to cuddle in even closer.

I couldn't help it, I chuckled as I hugged her tight, "You love your Daddy, huh?"

The thump of her tail hitting my leg a mile a minute made me smile as I laid down and let her curl up on my belly. She was heavy but I liked the weight of her there. It was nice to know I wasn't alone.

She eventually fell asleep, her soft snoring the only noise in the whole place as I rubbed her back.

Carefully, I reached out my hand and grabbed my phone off the table. There had been a couple of texts and I was hopin' that maybe Brady took a minute out from his night of drunken dancin' to think of me but they were just more pictures from Eddie.

Against my better judgment, I opened them up and looked at my boyfriend, half-naked now and dancin' without a care in the world.

It pissed me off at first, that little pit of jealousy flamin' in my stomach 'cause he was mine. He was fuckin' _mine_. Only he wasn't. Not really. I was just the dumb son-of-a-bitch that he kept around 'cause he didn't have enough self-esteem to know he deserved better.

Eventually though, the anger just bubbled down into sadness. I'd never have what he had. I'd never have all my family around or friends to just hang with. I'd never get to go to birthday parties or JJ's tee-ball games. I'd never be happy. Not really. But I guess I deserved that. Doesn't mean it didn't suck though.

I tried to just go to sleep, kept closin' my eyes but every time I did, all I saw was fucked up shit playin' behind my eyelids like footage from a trial. I'd see me stealin' or hurtin' somebody...I'd see me bein' cruel and gettin' so fucked up that it didn't even bother me. Shit didn't used to bother me at all but drugs help ease that sense of guilt, anger helped keep me numb, and desperation made it seem like it was all okay.

But now, sober and quiet and all alone, it was easy to see what kinda monster I really was.

So I kept my eyes open for as long as I could, waitin', _hopin_' that Brady would call me and just make me forget all this shit awhile.

When my phone did finally ring, it wasn't him.

"Hey Cuz. You still awake?"

Rollin' my eyes, I shuffled Dolly off my lap and onto the couch cushion as I tucked the phone under my cheek and grabbed a square.

"Yeah, Jeremiah. S'goin' on, Cuz?"

Lightin' it up, I took a deep drag and slowly exhaled as he slurred out his words.

"The fuck is goin' on, B? Brady says y'all ain't hardly talkin' no more. He was sad as shit tonight."

I sneered, rollin' my eyes again as I grumbled, "Yeah, little fucker looked real sad in all them pictures Eddie sent me. Spinnin' his shirt 'round his head and shit."

"He was just wasted, man. Little shit outdrank my ass tonight. To be honest, I don't even know how the boy was still standin' let alone dancin'."

I was still kinda pissed but that made me worry a little as I huffed, "You make sure he got home okay?"

"He's stayin' the night at Jay's place. Suzie stayed too. They walked. I'm sure he's fine. What about you, man? You okay?"

Scrubbin' a hand over my face, I gritted my teeth, "Yeah, m'fine."

"Bullshit."

"I'm fine, Cuz."

"Bullshit! Don't fuckin' lie to me, man. You can lie to anybody else in the world, B, but you can't lie to me. I know you. Now fuckin' talk to me or I'm gon' show up on your fuckin' doorstep and kick your fuckin' ass."

I snorted as I shook my head,"You'd fuckin' try."

He chuckled for a minute then his voice got low and raspy with as drunk as he was, "Look, Cuz, I know you're goin' through some shit. I get it. I been there. But you gotta pull your head outta your ass and handle this shit, man. I know you love Brady and I don't want you to lose him 'cause you got a bunch of fucked up bullshit in your head."

I don't really know what happened, couldn't really explain it right but like a drop of a dime all that sadness just kinda exploded into anger. It felt like god damn whiplash the way I went up and down all the time. I could feel it, knew somethin' wasn't right with it but I'll be damned if I could stop it.

"No, man, you _don't_ know! You _ain't_ been here! You _don't_ get it! You didn't spend more than half your fuckin' life behind bars! You can go to bed at night and not see all the fucked up shit you done over and over and fuckin' over again! You ain't gotta see a god damn shrink 'cause you're all fucked in the head! Your hands ain't shakin' like crazy 'cause all you can think about is how you wanna get good and fucked up and just forget for a little while! But I can't numb this shit no more. I can't fight it."

I expected Jeremiah to yell back at me like when we was kids but he didn't. He was just quiet for a minute before I heard a little sniffle and then his voice was real soft when he spoke again.

"You remember when we was little and our momma's would lock us all in the bathroom together to take our baths so they could go get fucked up?"

My brows furrowed as I stopped pacin' and took a drag from my square but I didn't say nothin'.

"It'd be me, Suzie, Ethan, and Caleb all jammed together in that little dirty bath tub for hours till the water got so cold we'd be shiverin'. You'd be sittin' with your back against the door, head in your hands, but you'd make up these stories 'bout magical kingdoms with evil ol' witches and we'd all be brave knights, Suzie the warrior princess 'cause she wanted a sword like us boys. I was old enough to know how fucked up that shit was. But you tried so hard to keep our minds somewhere else that I went along."

I closed my eyes, rememberin' as I plopped down on the couch and clutched at my hair to keep it from fallin' in my face. But I still didn't say anythin'.

"And I remember how I'd lose it sometimes, get outta the tub and kick and scream at the door for them to let us out..."

"Yeah, I remember I'd have to wrestle your naked ass down and just hold on until you stopped."

"I always hated bein' trapped in anywhere ever since momma left me and Suzie locked inside her car that one time all night in that dark alley behind the house. You found us the next mornin', broke the window to get us out. You remember that?"

"Yeah. I remember. I shoulda got to you sooner. I was lookin' for ya'll all night."

"Yeah. I shoulda got to you sooner too, man. I been knowin' that you're goin' under, been feelin' it in my gut. But sometimes it's hard to find you 'cause you lock yourself away. I know that I ain't done hard time like you and for all the fucked up shit I been through, it ain't nothin' compared to what you been through but I _do_ know you, Cuz. I know that you're sittin' on your couch, in your boxers, been stewin' all night, convinced you're outta your god damn mind 'cause as bad as you wanna go out and get into some shit, you can't bring yourself to get off the mother fuckin' couch."

Fuckin' asshole.

"Look, man, all I'm sayin' is that I know how we got by before; fightin', fuckin', and gettin' fucked up. Right now, you can't get fucked up, you sure as shit better not be fuckin' nobody since your boy is probably prayin' to the porcelain god right about now, so all that leaves is fightin' 'cept you can't really do that either. So your mind is just spinnin' and spinnin' goin' through all the fucked up shit, thinkin' you're bad for feelin' like right now, at this fuckin' moment, you'd just as soon be locked back up 'cause at least you can get high and fight. Hell, you could fuck too but I ain't ever seen one hot guy when I visited you in prison. And yeah, I'm secure enough in my manhood to admit when a dude looks good."

The little fucker made me crack a smile as I shook my head, "You're a silly mother fucker, man."

"Yeah, I'm a mother fuckin' genius though. People should listen to me more often. I'm like, all knowledgeable and shit. I'm good at readin' people too, B. I can see through the bullshit. You think you're some monster but you ain't. You're just a man who's been through some fucked up shit. You're like the Dark Knight."

I snorted as I rolled my eyes, "I ain't no god damn superhero, J."

"You were when we needed you to be. And when you had to be the villain, you were that too. Batman was always my favorite. You know why?"

"Why?"

"'Cause really, he was just a man. Sometimes he was a hero, sometimes he wasn't. He didn't have no superpowers for real like Superman, he just did what needed to be done. And fuck, I been hangin' out with your boy for too long. Makin' superhero analogies and shit."

I rubbed at my eyes, all the shit finally simmerin' down underneath my skin as leaned back into the couch and sighed, "You think I'm losin' him?"

I didn't wanna lose him, not really.

"I think Brady loves you so much that he ain't ever just gonna let go. He ain't like that selfish bitch in Titanic who wouldn't move her ass over on the god damn door to make room for Jack while he was freezin' his balls off...fuckin' bitch. She says all this bullshit 'bout, 'I'll never let go, Jack; I'll never let go,' but she sure as fuck won't move over either. What kinda shit is that? Alice woulda moved over..."

I let my little cousin ramble on for awhile. He does that when he's drunk...Hell, he does that when he ain't.

"He's a good boy though. Great ass too. He let me spank it. Don't be mad, I didn't enjoy it. Much. And besides, you should be thankin' me. We all kept your boy preoc...preocup...fuck, we kept him distracted and shit from that dick Oliver. Like I said, Cuz, I can read people and I don't get good vibes from that man. Just 'cause he thinks he's bein' all valiant and shit givin' Brady his jacket like 'oh I don't want you to be cold', I know better. Fuckin' douche. He's just like that dick in the movie, just wants Brady 'cause he's pretty and young but I got my eye on him and hell naw, ya know what I think..."

But I kinda tuned Jeremiah out at this point 'cause...

What. The. Fuck?

Oliver was there tonight? Why the fuck was Oliver there? Is that why Brady hadn't texted me or wanted to talk to me tonight 'cause he was sneakin' a little side action with that prick?

"Hold on a second, J. Oliver was with ya'll tonight?"

Jeremiah was quiet for a minute before mumblin' _shit_ under his breath and then tryin' to backtrack, "What? I don't know what the hell I'm sayin', Cuz, I'm white boy wasted..."

But I was up, pacin' again with one hand in a fist at my side and the other one damn near crushin' my phone as I growled, "Cut the shit. Don't fuckin' lie to me or I swear to God, fuck my parole, I'll be showin' up on _your_ god damn doorstep and kickin' _your_ fuckin' ass."

"God damn it," he mumbled to himself, "Brady's gonna kick my ass...then Alice..."

"Then me if you don't spill right the fuck now."

"Of course that dick didn't come with us. He just happened to be there. I don't think Brady set it up or nothin'. They didn't dance or anythin', just talked a little and me and Jay stared the fucker down the whole time, Cuz, I swear."

My mind was racin'. I was pissed. I was jealous as fuck. I wanted to get in my fuckin' truck and just say fuck it. I wanted to drive until I got there, throw Brady over my shoulder, and bring him back home with me. I wanted to kick the shit outta Oliver.

I wanted to do a lot of shit...but I couldn't do a god damn thing.

"Fuck," I swore, droppin' to the couch again and grabbin' a square. I lit it, took a long, deep drag, and slowly exhaled.

Jeremiah was still talkin' but I couldn't even pay enough attention to get any of what he was sayin'. I mean, yeah, I kinda knew this shit with me and Brady wasn't gonna work out but I wasn't ready to let go yet.

I loved the little fucker.

But really, he'd be better off with a guy like Oliver. He needed a guy that could go out places with him, buy him nice shit, take him to them fancy restaurants and museums. He deserved someone who could give him the world.

I may not even have to worry 'bout breakin' this shit off with him; he might be ready to break it off with me. He's 20 fuckin' years old. He's a god damn kid still. He don't need to be tied down to someone like me. I'm a 27 year old loser who's too old for him, too fucked up and antisocial. I'm weighin' him down like a fuckin' anchor around his neck.

Shit, I need a god damn drink.

Stubbin' out my cigarette, I interrupt Jeremiah mid-sentence, "I gotta go, man."

Then I hang up, melt back into the couch and scrub my hands across my face.

I ain't supposed to be drinkin' but I was just dropped yesterday so they probably wouldn't call me in for a surprise piss test. I could probably get away with a couple drinks. I know it shouldn't be worth the risk but the way I'm feelin' at the moment, it sure as fuck is.

Draggin' myself up off the couch, I grab a pair of jeans from the floor and yank 'em on. Then I throw on a hoodie and head out the door. It's gotta be some kinda omen that there's a bar right across the street from where I live.

Luckily it's late and the tattoo shop is closed so I ain't gotta worry 'bout anyone seein' me. I walk in, head down, hands shoved in my pockets as I find the darkest corner of the bar and set myself up away from everybody else. It's a little hole in the wall so ain't but half a dozen people in the whole damn place but I really wanna be left the fuck alone tonight 'cause I ain't entirely sure I won't do somethin' stupid and it won't take much to push me right now.

Not in the mood to fuck around, I order a double shot of 151 and ignore the pitying look of the waitress as she goes off to get it. When she returned and set it down along with a beer for after, she tried to hang around and talk but I wasn't havin' none of that shit tonight.

"I like dick. Can you leave now?"

No one ever claimed I was tactful or a gentleman for a reason.

Without giving myself enough time to think about it and back out, I slammed the shot down and shuddered before taking a draw from my beer to kill the taste.

Pulling out my phone, I scrolled through the pictures and just felt myself getting' angrier and angrier with each one. I needed to just break up with him and be done with this shit. I didn't know why it bothered me so much anyway. I knew from the beginning that this shit wasn't gonna work but against my better fuckin' judgment I tried anyway. That's my problem right there, I ain't never succeeded in nothin' I tried.

Hell, I wasn't even a good criminal. Seven years in prison taught me that.

The only things I was good at was fightin', fuckin', and gettin' fucked up. I was well on my way to gettin' fucked up. I _could_ fight. In fact, I just might if this fucker across the way looks at me again. I could fuck too. Maybe that's what I ought to do. Go out and find some hot little ass to stick my dick in so Brady would just break up with me.

That actually sounded like a really good idea.

Shoving away from the table, I dropped some money on it and killed the rest of my beer before headin' out the door. There was a gay bar a few blocks from here, the same fuckin' one I went to with Brady as a matter of fact.

This would be a good thing. I could get my dick sucked and be the bad guy that I know I am, and he could break up with me guilt-free and land right in that dick Oliver's arms. Everyone might be mad at me but fuck it, they'd get over it or they wouldn't. I didn't really give a fuck.

When I finally got to the club, I headed straight to the bar and got another shot. Then I grabbed a beer and tried to find a wall somewhere to lean up against as I cringed at the sea of bodies and loud techno music.

This was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea. The music was givin' me a headache and there was so many people that I felt my heart just thumpin' in my chest and my nerves goin' crazy.

"Hey Sugar, you doin' okay?"

I jumped and damn near drew back on the little fucker smilin' up at me. He was cute as shit with big brown eyes and brown floppy hair as he grinned and bounced on his toes.

Shakin' my head, I cleared my throat and grumbled, "Not really."

Leaning forward, he ran his hands up my chest, flashing a killer smile, "Maybe I can help with that. You don't strike me as the dancin' type, big guy. You wanna go to the back room with me and _not_ dance?"

Fuck, my dick was already gettin' hard. It had been so fuckin' long since I got off by somethin' other than my own hand and I wanted it. I wanted it so fuckin' bad.

He grabbed my hand and started pullin' me through the crowd of men as my head swam and my heart pounded.

I musta been freakin' out a little because he jumped and swatted my hand with a giggle, "Ouch! Holdin' my hand just a little too tight, baby. Don't you worry, daddy, I'm gon' take real good care of you..."

It was like someone threw a bucket of cold water on me.

Brady calls me daddy.

Pullin' my hand from his, I shook my head, mumbled sorry, and fuckin' bolted. The last time I moved this fast, fuckin' cops was on my tail. But I couldn't breathe, my whole body hurt, and I felt like I was gonna throw up.

Pushin' my way through the club, I finally shoved through a door and found myself in the cold, dark alley. I leaned back against the brick wall of the building, scrubbing my hands through my hair, I sunk down to my ass and pulled my knees up.

Buryin' my face in them, I fought tears and ain't never felt like such a fuckin' loser as I did right then. Brady was good to me, even when he had no reason to be. And I was about two minutes from lettin' some twink suck me off in the back of the club on Brady's fuckin' birthday.

What kind of man was I? What kind of monster would do that?

Only me. I was that kinda monster. I was such a fuckin' piece of shit that I damn near just stayed in that nasty, stinkin' alley 'cause that's the kinda place I deserved to be. Among the dumpsters like the trash I was.

Leanin' my head back, I blinked through the wetness and looked at the stars above. I wondered if he could see them too. I wondered if he was sick from all the drinkin' or if he was passed out like a rock. I wondered if he'd take one look at my face and finally see through the bullshit and see how ugly I really am.

Eventually, after noddin' off in the alley a couple times and feelin' a little too comfortable there, I pulled myself up and made the walk of shame home.

It was damn near sunrise when I got back, fell on the couch and finally went to sleep.

.

.

.

It feels like I just closed my fuckin' eyes when the phone rings. I groan, grabbing it from the table as I shift to my back on the couch. Brady's face flashes on the screen and my heart drops 'cause why in the fuck is he callin' me so late?

"Brady? You okay, princess?" I grumble as I scrub a hand across my face.

"Um...yeah, I'm okay just...I'm just..."

Shit. Does he know about tonight? How the fuck could he know?

His voice sounds hoarse and raw, not nearly as smooth and sweet as it usually does and I start panicking.

"The fuck is wrong? What's goin' on?"

"Nothing is wrong, I just...I um..."

God damn it. He's cryin'. I can hear the quiver in his little voice as he sniffles.

"Why are you cryin'?"

He gasps out in a sob, "Do you still love me, Brandon?"

What kinda fuckin' question is that? The fuck is goin' on right now?

"What? The fuck are you...yeah, Brady. _Yes_. I love you. What's goin' on?"

"You barely talk to me anymore...you act like you're not interested and I just...I just..."

_Are you fuckin' kiddin' me right now?_

"You're what? You told me you'd be out all night so I didn't think you wanted to talk anymore tonight."

"I only said that because I wanted you to act like you gave a damn! But you didn't! You just don't anymore! You send me two or three words when I send you text after text and I feel like I'm just bugging the shit out of you!"

I'm already sittin' up and I'm gettin' real fuckin' agitated that he called me yellin'. So I start yellin' back.

"You're not! This shit ain't easy, okay?!"

"It's not easy for me either but..."

And I just can't take no more of this shit right now. I'm off the couch, pacin' as I hold an unlit cigarette in my hand and fuckin' snap.

"No, fuck that! You think this is fun for me, huh? You think I like seein' you get all dolled up to go out and dance with a bunch of fuckers that ain't me? You think I like knowin' that you're surrounded by smarter fuckers and a whole better class of people than I'm ever gonna be? This ain't fun and it ain't easy! I got a lot of shit goin' on right now, Brady! I don't need this bullshit!"

And he don't need this shit either. He needs to just break up with me 'cause I ain't strong enough to do it.

"You think I need this, Brandon?! You think I need to spend my whole night out miserable because I don't know if you even really like me anymore?"

I'm such a fuckin' bastard that I try to make him feel guilty 'cause my feelin's got hurt lookin' at those god damn pictures.

"Yeah, you looked real fuckin' miserable in all those pictures I got." I sneered, hopin' that he would just tell me he deserved to be happy and to just fuck off.

Of course, he didn't do that though.

"Brandon, I love you," he was sobbin' and he sounded so miserable that it nearly stopped my fuckin' heart but I had to keep pushin'. I had to get him to let me go.

"What's wrong, Brady? You cold? Maybe you oughtta go grab that dick's jacket to keep you warm 'cause I can't be there to do it. I ain't _ever_ gonna be there. If you ain't happy, sounds like you got other options..."

Yeah, I kinda threw Jeremiah under the bus but fuck it. If I'm settin' out to piss people off, might as well go for broke.

"It wasn't like that! I was cold and I lost my shirt!"

I almost cheated on you. I couldn't say it. I wouldn't. 'Cause I was a motherfuckin' bastard so I just kept diggin' at him. It was like an open scab that you just can't stop yourself from pickin' at till it's just oozin' puss and nasty shit.

"You took your shirt off and threw it, Brady. You think I don't know what's goin' on? I know, okay? I ain't fuckin' stupid."

But _you_ don't know. You ain't got no fuckin' clue to what kinda monster you're dealin' with.

"Brandon," he choked on tears, "it's not like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was just...it's my birthday and I just..."

Fuck. Now he's fuckin' apologizin' to me. Are you fuckin' serious? Grow some fuckin' balls and yell at me. I'm bein' an asshole right now, quit bein' so fuckin' scared of me.

I groaned silently and dropped to the couch. I couldn't even fight with this kid. He wouldn't fight back. Finally lightin' my cigarette, I took a long drag and sighed. I didn't wanna hurt him. Not really. I just wanted him to be smart enough to walk away from me.

"It's your birthday and you're fuckin' twenty years old, man. You don't need this shit. You should be able to go out with your friends and have a good time without..."

But I was cut off with a blubbery growl, "Quit trying to give me an out, Brandon! I don't want out! I just want you!"

I didn't want him to want me anymore. I wanted him to know he was better than this shit. I wanted him to yell at me but not to tell me he wanted me. I wanted him to tell me what a piece of shit I was and that he was done with this bullshit.

So I screamed back.

"Well you can't have me! I ain't ever gonna be there! _This_! This right here is all we're ever gonna have and there ain't ever gonna be nothin' else! You're a smart little fucker, Brady, so take off the god damn blinders and see this for what it is!"

"What is it, Brandon?" he choked out, voice soft with desperation and so god damn hurt that I let out a growl of frustration.

Yellin' at him wasn't gettin' me nowhere. And I felt about two inches tall for makin' him sound so fuckin' wrecked.

I took a deep breath, all fight just kinda gone from me as I whispered, "This is a waste of time, Brady. This is a waste of your fuckin' time."

"It's _my_ time, Brandon. _Mine_. If I decide I wanna spend it with you then that's on me. That's _my_ decision. I don't need you telling me what I need and what I don't. I know what I need. What I need to know is what _you_ need. What _you_ want. I _love_ you. I _want_ you. Do you still want me?"

"Brady, it ain't about..."

But he cut me off again, "Brandon, I'm asking you a simple question. I just want a simple answer. Do you still want to be with me? Yes or no. No buts, no explanations...just yes or no."

How the fuck was I supposed to answer that? The truth, simply put, was yeah, of course I fuckin' did. But the smart thing for me to say was no because that's what he needed. He needed me to not want him no more so he could just break the fuck away from me.

I ain't ever been very smart though.

"Yeah. Yeah, Brady, I wanna be with you but..."

"_No_, Brandon. Talk to me. _Please_. Just tell me what's going on with you because I feel like I'm going crazy here."

God, I was such a piece of fuckin' shit. How could I sit here and talk to him the way I just did? How could he still want me when I didn't have nothin' good to give him?

Fuck, how could I almost cheat on the best guy I've ever met?

Brady was good. He was so fuckin' good.

And I just didn't wanna fuck him up. He was always so funny and sweet but after bein' with me for a long time, would he lose that? Even for such a crazy little perv, he still had this naïve innocence about him and I didn't wanna be the one who destroyed that.

But I just couldn't let him go.

It was like there was little angel and little devil sittin' on my shoulder. The devil was tellin' me to lie or just clam the fuck up and keep quiet 'fore I said more dumb shit. But the angel was tellin' me to just talk. To just tell him the truth.

I shoulda listened to that little fuckin' devil.

"I just...I really _miss_ you. I'm used to bein' alone. Been alone my whole life but...I ain't ever wanted to just be with somebody the way I do you and I can't. I can't be there. I can't wipe away your tears...can't hold you...can't even look you in the eye face-to-face and tell you I love you, Brady. But I do. I love you. I just wish you wouldn't love me so much. Wish you'd just let me go."

'Cause I'm goin' down, Princess, and I don't wanna drag you under.

"Well, I won't. I'm not going to. Ever. So just learn to deal with it, Brandon because I'm in your life. You're in mine. And you can try your hardest to keep pushing me away but I'm in this. You jump, I jump."

I furrowed my brows as I huffed, "The fuck are you talkin' 'bout?"

He sniffled, a grin in his voice as he rasped, "Oh my God, you've never seen Titanic? Jack and Rose? It's on Netflix. Do you work tonight? We could watch it later for my birthday?"

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

Why did the little fucker have to be so god damn endearing?

Everything to him was movies and music and superheroes. I wished I could live my life like that. I wished it could be that simple, that innocent.

"Brady, I..."

I was just fuckin' exhausted really.

"Brandon? Look, I know things kinda suck right now, okay? I get it. But today, for my birthday, can we just...can we just stop digging deeper and maybe just pretend that everything's okay? Can we just, I don't know, talk to each other? Maybe watch a movie together, cyber fuck, and just spend the rest of the day in ignorant bliss?"

Rubbin' my temples to relieve the massive fuckin' headache I was gettin', I groaned, "Brady, I..."

"Please? _Please_, Brandon." he choked out, barely a whisper as his breathing wavered and shook. It sounded like he was breakin' in two. The sound caused my eyes to burn as I nodded.

"Okay," I got out in a hoarse whisper.

I couldn't fuckin' hurt him anymore. This shit was painful. I've been through more painful shit in my life than most people ever seen but hearin' him, _Brady_, just fuckin' break damn near killed me.

"M'sorry, Brady," I rasped out, "We'll watch that movie tonight okay? I gotta work a few hours this afternoon but I get off early."

He let out a wracking breathe and whispered, "Okay. Okay, thank you."

"You ain't gotta thank me, Brady, shit..." I bit my lip, cursin' my dumb ass for bein' so god damn mean that he thought he had to thank me for agreein' to spend time with him on his birthday.

Throwin' my head back against the couch cushion, I gritted my teeth and wiped my eyes.

"I'm sorry too, Brandon. I overreacted about some things and I...this is just new to me, ya know? I don't really know what I'm doing and sometimes I'm going to act, ya know..."

I picked up the cigarette I stubbed out earlier and forced a smile, "Twenty?"

He snorted a chuckle, "Hey at least I don't act nineteen anymore."

That got a laugh from me as I lit my cigarette, "Hell, you act more mature than I do half the time."

"You might not say that if you saw the Batman pajamas Suzie got me. They're awesome though. They've got feet and a cape, Brandon! I look like such a badass!"

I shook my head and chuckled, "You're a down ass, bitch, Princess."

"Yes, I am," he exclaimed proudly and I couldn't help but smile.

"Would it be too much of an asshole move to wish you a Happy Birthday now?"

"Can we Facetime so I can see you?"

"I look like shit right now."

"So do I. I don't care. I really want to see you, Brandon."

I groaned, scrubbing a hand over my face as I sighed, "Yeah, go ahead."

He squealed as the phone beeped and then I saw him in the little screen. He really did look like shit. I mean, he was still cute as fuck but he looked like he had a rough night. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess, but still, his smile was motherfuckin' radiant.

"Jeez, your eyes are so bloodshot they look completely red. Have you gotten any sleep, babe?"

I shrugged, clearing my throat before taking another drag, "Um, I got maybe...ten-fifteen minutes."

His face fell as he whispered, "Shit, I'm sorry I woke you. I'll let you get to bed, Brandon."

But really, that was the last fuckin' thing I wanted right now.

"No, it's fine. I wanna talk to you."

His grin lit up like a tractor beam, "Really?"

I focused on that blinding grin and felt my tummy get all filled with butterflies as I nodded, "Yeah. Happy Birthday, Princess."

"Thanks, Daddy."

I fought a grimace and rasped, "So, what's up with Jeremiah spankin' you?"

.

.

.

We talked for about an hour before he literally passed out on me. For a little while, I just listened to the soft snoring over the phone. The sound just gutting me as I whispered, "I'm sorry, Brady. I love you."

Then I hung up and sagged back against the couch with a heavy sigh. I was fuckin' exhausted but every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was that fuckin' twink at the club and my head was poundin' with Brady's sobs.

Just another image to fuck with my head. Great.

With a groan, I pulled myself off the couch to begin my day.

.

.

.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you sent cookie flowers to my work!"

I chuckled as I stretched out on the bed in front of my laptop, "Yeah, I was gonna send you real flowers but figured with your allergies the cookies would be better."

He started goin' on about how sweet and thoughtful I was and I wanted to just enjoy it, the thought of bein' a good boyfriend, but I wasn't in a real good place mentally.

For Brady's sake though, I was gonna try and fake it.

"Okay, so I'm gonna open my other gift now. Ready?"

With a nod, he tore into the paper. I wasn't good at givin' gifts and shit. I hoped it wasn't stupid. A few days ago, I sent this to Jay, asking him to hold onto it till Brady's birthday. He had given it to him this morning but Brady waited to open it until after work so I could watch.

I watched as his big brown eyes started to tear up and I grumbled, "Shit. I'm sorry. It was a dumb gift. You don't have to hang it up or nothin'..."

"No," he choked out as he shook his head, "I love it. It's so beautiful..."

"Then why are you cryin'?"

"Because I love you so much."

I really wished he wouldn't.

"That's us on the boat right?" he points to the painting and I nod.

"Um, yeah. It's hard to tell 'cause the boat's so far at sea but uh, the lightnin' and storm clouds above are kinda like...um..."

I trail off and he whispers with a soft smile, "It's kinda like right now we're stuck in the middle of this storm but if we just keep sailing, we're gonna make it to the light. Over here in the back where the storm breaks and there's a soft rainbow. That's where we're going, Brandon. And I would sail away with you anytime, baby."

"So, it's not stupid?"

"No. It's perfect. I'm going to hang it up in my room, right next to my bed so I can always look at it. God, you're really talented, Brandon. When did you start painting? I mean, I knew you drew but you've never really mentioned painting on canvas."

Clearing my throat, I drag my fingers through hair and fidget uncomfortably, "Uh, the Doc said I should try it. She gave me, like, this whole big box of shit. Canvases and brushes and stuff. She said it might be another outlet for my, um...emotional shit. I guess I been fuckin' around with it 'bout a month or so."

Shit, I really hadn't been talkin' to him much lately. I'd been paintin' a lot the last few weeks. I couldn't believe I'd really been shuttin' him out that much. I'm such a fuckin' dick sometimes.

His eyes lit up as he stared back at the paintin', "Wow. So you just started painting recently? Jesus, Brandon, you should be the one in art school on a scholarship. No, screw that, you should have your work in galleries across the world. How on earth did I get so lucky? How did I..."

He trails off into a whisper and I feel my cheeks heatin' up as I just smile, "So, uh, did you want your last present?"

Eyes snapping to mine on the screen, he grins, "There's more?"

I chuckle, already embarrassed as I reach over and grab the guitar I bought at the pawn shop a couple weeks ago.

Immediately, his eyes go wide as he starts squealing, "Oh my God, you're gonna play me a song?"

Settling the guitar in my lap, I shrug, "Promised you I would. I ain't that good or nothin' but uh...I know you like that band, The Cure? It ain't really my kinda music but I heard this song and it made me think of you. So, um...Happy Birthday."

God he looked so fuckin happy. I wish I could always make him look like that as opposed to how he looked this mornin.

"This is the best birthday ever," he whispered as he sat cross-legged on his bed and watched me.

Closin' my eyes, I took a deep breath and began strummin' the guitar. I didn't have Jay's honey voice, I wasn't that good of a singer but I already warned him.

"Whenever I'm alone with you,

You make me feel like I am home again.

Whenever I'm alone with you,

You make me feel like I am whole again..."

My hands shook and my breathing wavered as I kept my eyes closed and continued on, hearing his soft little breaths in the background.

"Whenever I'm alone with you,

You make me feel like I am young again.

Whenever I'm alone with you,

You make me feel like I am fun again.

However far away, I will always love you.

However long I stay, I will always love you.

Whatever words I say, I will always love you.

I will always love you."

I heard a little sniffle and my eyes finally opened to see him sittin' there with tears in his eyes. I hated that I made him cry all the time.

"Whenever I'm alone with you,

You make me feel like I am free again.

Whenever I'm alone with you,

You make me feel like I am clean again.

However far away, I will always love you.

However long I stay, I will always love you.

Whatever words I say, I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will _always_ love you."

I strummed the last few chords and let out a breath when it was finally over.

He looked absolutely wrecked. His knees were pulled up, his arms wrapped around them and face buried as his shoulders shook.

Setting the guitar next to my bed, I tucked my hair behind my ear and rasped, "You okay?"

Shaking his head, he lifted his tear-stained face and sputtered, "No...I miss...you so much...I hate not being...with you..."

God, I felt like shit.

"Brady, look, " I took a breath and slowly exhaled before speakin' softly, "I miss you too. But it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay."

He sniffled and choked on a whisper, "But what about you? Are you going to be okay?"

The way I'd been feelin' lately, I couldn't say that I was but I'm a pretty good liar.

Putting a smile on my face, I answered, "Yeah. I'm gon' be fine, Princess. Now, c'mon, dry up them tears. I mean, damn, I know I can't sing for shit. Way to stroke my ego, man."

With a blubbery snort, he finally smiled, "You sing beautifully. I will never, ever, in a million years forget this, Brandon. That was...I really needed that. Thank you."

"I love you, Brady."

I couldn't help it. I did. I really fuckin' did.

He wiped away the tears in his eyes as he stretched across the bed and propped himself up on an elbow. Then he grinned as his hand trailed down his chest before gripping his dick through tight jeans,"I love you too. So, what were you saying about stroking something..."


	29. Chapter 29

_A/N: I don't usually issue these but I am going to do so with this chapter – **TISSUE WARNING! **Thanks to my lovely beta Nan._

_Song: Say Something by A Great Big World_

**Brady's POV**

For a little while, I was on cloud nine. My birthday, though it had started badly, ended beautifully. I really thought Brandon and I had a breakthrough moment. I thought things were gonna be okay. I mean, he sent me a dozen cookies in the shapes of flowers. To my work! It was one of those moments that I relished in, loving the jealous stares of my coworkers because I had a thoughtful caring boyfriend who not only sent me flowers, but thought enough to make them cookies instead so my allergies wouldn't go crazy.

I mean, who does that?

Brandon does that. And Brandon paints me an amazing picture that rivaled some of the most beautiful paintings that hung in the museum. There was so much meaning in it. The sharp jagged streaks of brilliant white lightning in a murky, darkened sky. The anarchy of the storm was woven into the purples, grays, blacks and blues above the tiny little boat that was being thrashed about by the waves. On first look, the boat was destined to be lost in the darkness, the chaos just engulfing it completely but off in the distance, the storm broke into soft yellow and pink light. And faintly, as if the brush just whispered against the canvas, was a pale little rainbow.

I wanted us to get there so badly and to me, this symbolized hope. That there was light after the storm and that we would make it there if we just stayed strong enough, brave enough to keep battling our way through the storm.

And as if the cookie flowers and painting wasn't enough, he sang me the sweetest, most romantic love song ever. I wasn't lying when I said I would never, ever in a million years forget that moment. Every time I closed my eyes, I could hear that raspy voice, soft but drenched with emotion as he sung those words. It was enough to keep me floating for a little while.

But reality, she is a cruel bitch.

I looked down at my phone, fingers tightening around it in frustration as I looked at my texts.

_Good morning, daddy! I love you! _

Nothing.

_Hi babe! I miss you. Hope your morning was good. Can't wait to talk to you tonight! Love you!_

Still nothing_._

_Hey how's everything going? You okay? Love you._

Fine. Been busy. Ditto.

Ditto? Fucking ditto? Are you being serious right now? He can't even take two seconds out of his god damn busy schedule of sitting on the mother fucking couch to text me he loves me?! What was he so fucking busy doing that he couldn't even say he loved me?!

I shoved my phone in my pocket and fought the tears in my eyes. I was so sick of crying I could barely stand myself anymore. It had only been a few weeks since my birthday and we were right back to where we started. No, actually, we were worse than before. Ditto. Fucking ditto.

I huffed, looking out the window and tapping a pencil against my notebook trying to diffuse my impending tantrum. I was in class but like I could concentrate on anything other than rage right now. As soon as the class was over, I was gonna call that bastard and give him a piece of my mind.

But maybe...maybe something was wrong? Maybe it wasn't me, maybe there was something going on with him? It could be anything really. Some horrible tattoo crisis at work or oh my God, what if something happened to Dolly? He'd be heartbroken. Or maybe he had a surprise urine screen this morning.

Yeah, there had to be some reason for his behavior.

Only, it wasn't limited to just this morning. It's been getting progressively worse these last few weeks. He'd growing more distant, more cold. He was like a shell of the man I knew those first six months. Yeah, I mean, he had hard times then too but he was more optimistic and open. Now, it was like trying to pry open a safe just to get him to talk.

God, I just wish he would talk to me. What did I do? Did I do something wrong?

I didn't think I had. Scouring my mind for any wrong doing on my part, I came up with nothing. I hadn't done anything but try to be a loving, supportive boyfriend. I didn't deserve to be treated like this.

But shit, I didn't really deserve Brandon to begin with, did I?

Nope. He was impossibly beautiful. More enigmatic than the typical tortured artist type. More real than any dream guy. Strong and feral and so god damn gorgeous. It was a friggin' miracle I got him in the first place. How the Hell did I ever think I was gonna keep him?

Me. With my plain brown eyes, boring brown hair, and imperfect skin full of blemishes . My less than impressive body and stupid, childish demeanor. I was a dork. An inconsequential little run-of-the-mill twink. I mean seriously, I saw half a dozen guys just like me every time I went to the club.

There was no one like him though. And I guess I should really consider myself lucky for having kept him this long.

Damn it.

I wanted to beat my head against the table but-

"Mr. Seneca, care to answer the question?"

Shit!

My eyes snapped wide to the professor, as my heart pounded and the whole class stared at me in amusement.

"Um...I'm sorry, what was the question?"

The professor harrumphed with a disappointed glare, "I would like to speak with you after class."

Christ on a mother fuckin' cracker, Brady. Pay attention!

I was already treading deep water in this class. Hell, in all my classes, really. I just couldn't concentrate on anything lately. All I could think about was _him_. I was fucking up. I knew it but I didn't know how to stop myself.

I thought being in love was supposed to make everything better, not worse.

But I guess that's only true when your love is reciprocated. Fucking ditto.

God damn it.

Fighting tears throughout the rest of my class, I tried my best to keep it together. To be a man. But I wasn't. I was a stupid little sissy.

Once class was over, I took a deep breath and prayed I wouldn't burst into tears. Mr. Harris walked over and leaned against the desk, arms across his chest as he glared down at me.

"If you're having some sort of personal problem or if there's something you need to talk about, I suggest you go speak to a counselor, Mr. Seneca. Otherwise, I expect assignments to be turned in when they're due and I expect you to act as a professional in this class. This is not high school. Your future employers are not going to cut you slack because of some personal crisis. This is meant to prepare you for real life. Although you have proven you are intelligent, you are not someone who can just coast through. You have to work for this. You have to put forth effort to make good grades and pass this class. You're here on a scholarship and I can't stand idly by any longer and watch you teeter dangerously close to the edge of losing it. You do realize that you can lose your scholarship, don't you?"

Biting my lip, I nodded, eyes already swimming with tears as I kept them focused on the floor.

With a heavy sigh, he spoke softer this time, "Brady?"

Lifting my eyes, I sniffled and tried not to just break down. His stance relaxed, arms down and hands gripping the desk on both sides as spoke to me with actual concern in his voice.

"Whatever is going on in your life, it needs to be put on the back burner. You have got to put yourself and your future before anything else right now. Most people don't have the opportunities or talent that you have and I would hate to see you lose everything that you have worked so hard for. The decisions you make now will carry through to the rest of your life. Make good ones, Brady. Take care of yourself and _please_, go talk to someone."

Wiping away the few tears that trickled down my cheek, I nodded and rasped, "I will."

Standing up, he turned his back and began shuffling papers on his desk, "Good. Now I will give you this weekend to get your essay turned in but this is the last chance, Brady. I don't give second chances often so don't make me regret this. You can go now."

I mumbled a quick thank you before throwing my backpack over my shoulder and bolting out of the room. I made it about twenty feet to the backside of a brick wall before I dropped the bag and sagged against it. Covering my face with my hands, I finally let the tears fall, sobbing violently as I thought about all the shit I was fucking up.

If I lost this scholarship, it would be like proving all those bastards right when they said I would never amount to anything. My mother, father, those dicks at school and everyone who snickers when I walk by, they would be right about me being nothing.

Maybe they _were_ right.

Maybe I would never be anything more than a punchline.

And God, I still had one more class left. What was the point of even going? I was failing at everything anyway. At school, in my relationship...

I really wished Suzie or Eddie would just magically walk by at this exact moment and lift me up. I wished they would just hug me and tell me that I was worth fighting for. I wished Brandon would treat me like I mattered. I wished he would just tell me he loves me and actually mean it. I wished I was still the light in his life.

But I didn't have any of those things right now. All I had was me.

So, I wiped my eyes, took a few deep breaths as I scrubbed my hands over my face, threw my backpack on my shoulder and headed off to class.

.

.

.

"Hey Brady."

Without lifting my eyes from my book, I sighed, "Hi Oliver. How was your trip?"

I was at work, currently trying to get my stupid reading done so I could finish my essay over the weekend.

"It was good. Work went well. Not a lot of time for sightseeing but I did manage to bring you this."

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a little miniature Eiffel Tower statue covered in iridescent glittery paint.

"Happy belated birthday."

Lifting my eyes, I couldn't help but grin as I took it from him, "Oh my God, this is adorable. You didn't have to get me anything."

He shrugged, smile lighting up his blue-gray eyes as he spoke, "It's nothing. I just saw it when I was out one afternoon and it made me think of you."

It was really nice to be thought about.

Swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to keep the fluttering in my heart under control, I turned it over in my hand, admiring all of the colors. It was silly but I was really touched.

"Thank you, Oliver. This is really sweet. I love it."

"You're welcome," he glanced down at my book and cringed, "Schoolwork?"

I rolled my eyes with a snort, "No, I like to read Business Statistics for fun. I'm kind of kooky that way."

Looking at me with a smirk, he chuckled, "Oh I have no doubts about that, Brady."

The way he was looking at me, caused me to squirm a little and my cheeks to blush so I quickly jumped up, "Oh hey, I have your jacket. It's in the employee locker room so I can't leave to get it until Deidre gets back from lunch but she should be here in about fifteen minutes, if you can stick around that long."

"I can do that. What about you? Have you had lunch yet?"

"Um, no but I brought leftover hot wings and fries from dinner yesterday."

"Very nutritious. You know, you really shouldn't eat that crap. I know you can get away with it now but when you're an old man like me, you'll regret it."

"You're not old, Oliver. Some men are like fine wine, age just makes them better."

He raised an eyebrow, lips curling as he leaned over the counter and sighed, "How about I go across the street and get us something from Giavonni's? I can't, in good conscience, let you consume all that saturated fat."

Dilemma. I've always wanted to try that little restaurant across the street but it's way out of my budget. But if I say yes, will he consider this a date?

"Um," looking down at the floor , I took a breath and raised my eyes, "Okay, I guess. That sounds nice actually. Just um, you know I have a boyfriend, right?"

"You have made me aware on several occasions. Brandon? Lives in Texas? Doesn't come to see you often? Though I have no idea why because any sane man would never let you out of his sight. But to answer your _real_ question, I know this isn't a date. I'll just consider it my duty as a friend to make sure you eat right. Deal?"

"Okay. Deal."

.

.

.

Lunch with Oliver turned out to be just what I needed. It was nice to have a friend to just talk to without having to bring up my failure of a relationship or any kind of drama.

And oh my God, the salmon and salad were amazing! I didn't even know you could get take-out from that place but apparently enough money can get you anything.

I was hitting the books hard later that evening, when Brandon actually called me. I almost wept with joy. I wanted to be mad at him for the whole 'ditto' thing earlier but I was just so happy he called me that I didn't want to ruin it.

"Brandon! Hey, hi! How are you? How was your day?"

I rattled off as I sat up in bed and closed my laptop.

"Hey. M'fine. Day was okay, I guess."

His voice sounded a little off and I furrowed my brow as I wrapped an arm around my knees, "Oh, uh, that's good. Is everything okay? You sound a little off?"

A heavy sigh rattled through the phone as he huffed, "I said I'm fine, shit, calm the fuck down."

Digging my teeth into my lip, I breathed heavily through my nose and tried to just brush it off, "Sorry. Um, so what's up?"

I could hear him lighting a cigarette before he sharply exhaled, "I just been thinkin' 'bout shit."

"Oh, um, what kind of shit?"

"'Bout us. 'Bout how hard this shit is."

My stomach dropped. Was this it? Was this how he was gonna break up with me?

"Yeah, I know it's hard but anything worth having is worth working for and I don't mind working hard to stay with you, Brandon. I love you."

"Yeah," he breathed out and then exhaled again as he whispered, "yeah."

"Why don't we FaceTime or get on Skype so we can talk face-to-face, baby?"

If he was gonna dump me, I wanted to at least see that beautiful fucking face of his one last time.

God, he couldn't dump me. He just couldn't. What would I do? I'd go crazy. I love him so fucking much. This isn't fair.

"Can't. M'out right now."

It was very rare that Brandon actually went out so I took this as a good thing.

"Oh? Where are you?"

"M'out," he repeats and I strain my ears to hear the clattering in the background.

"Brandon, are you at a bar? Are you drinking?"

No wonder he sounded so out of it.

"M'just across the street. Just havin' a couple beers. Needed a break."

In all honesty I think he had more than a couple beers.

"Um, should you be doing that? I mean, with the uh...drug tests and stuff?"

I didn't want to make him mad but I hated that he was risking everything for a stupid buzz.

He groaned, long and heavy before rasping, "No. Probably not. Just needed...I don't know. You."

My heart just melted at this little snippet of affection and I smiled, shoving my laptop out of the way and laying down, "So, um, why don't you just head back home so we can talk properly. I'd really love to see you right now, babe."

"Can't. Can't look at you. You're so god damn _pretty_, Princess. Miss you too much. Can't look at you, s'too hard."

I sighed at his slurred speech and rambling, feeling myself get all tingly but so conflicted. He was wasted, it was obvious and that was the only reason for his call but God I wanted him so much. So I just decided to ignore the creeping dread and go with it.

"Oh is it now? Is it _hard_? Bet it would feel so good inside my ass."

There was a shuddering whimper before he growled a whisper into the phone, "Don't fuckin' tease me right now, god damn it."

Groaning, I sat back up and gritted my teeth, "Well why don't you tell me exactly what you would like me to say, Brandon, so that I don't screw it up."

_Shit! I didn't mean to snap at him. Good job, Brady. Now he's really going to dump you._

Biting my lip, I hear his sharp intake of breath before he grumbles, "M'goin' outside so I can talk to you a minute."

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

I'm up and pacing around my room nervously when I hear him huff to someone, "M'just goin out to take this call. I'll be right back. Seriously?"

He's mumbling under his breath and ends with, "Fine. Here, _Dick_."

Chewing my fingernail, I ask quietly, "Um, what's going on?"

He huffs as I hear him walking, "Nothin'. Guy that owns this place is a dick. Wouldn't let me go outside till I paid. I'm in here all the fuckin' time and the fucker knows I just live across the street. He's just an asshole."

Ignoring the fact that that's the most he's said to me today, I focus on just one thing; he's there all the time.

Why is he at the bar all the time? He shouldn't be drinking at all. Doesn't he give a damn about going back to prison? Maybe I don't mean much to him anymore but shouldn't his family? His nephew?

I can hear him leave the building and settle somewhere else but he's grown quiet, just the sharp inhale and exhale of cigarette smoke telling me he's still there.

After a few moments of awkward silence, I clear my throat and whisper, "What did you want to talk about?"

He's still quiet for a minute while my heart is beating so hard against my chest it's literally painful. My nails are chewed down to nothing and my lips are chapped from biting at them nervously. My stomach is horribly queasy, palms sweating, and head starting to pound from the tension.

"This ain't workin'," he finally rasps quietly.

I can feel tears welling in my eyes as I shakily respond, "You mean us."

It's not a question. I know it's what he means. And my knees nearly buckle as I fall to the bed and choke on a sob.

"Brady? C'mon, man. You ain't happy either," he whispers pleadingly like I should be okay with this.

But I'm not. I'm so far from being okay with this that...I can't even think of anything. I'm just _not_ okay.

"You don't love me," I manage out with a quivering breath.

Again, it's not a question. I know he doesn't. Fucking ditto.

And it hurts like nothing has ever hurt in my entire life. My parents never pretended to give a shit about me so losing them didn't ache like this did. I thought I finally found someone who actually loved me. I'm so god damn stupid sometimes.

"I do," Brandon barely whispers, "I do love you. That ain't what this is about."

I take a shuddering breath, hanging onto the last little sliver of hope as I reach in my nightstand drawer and pull out the plane ticket the Cullen's got me for my birthday. I was saving it for Christmas but I clutched it in my hand, stood and began pacing as I rambled, "If you still love me, there's hope, Brandon. Don't give up without giving this a real shot, okay? Just sleep on it. _Please_? Just go home and go to bed and get your head straight and we'll talk again in the morning."

"Brady, I..."

"Please. _Please_, Brandon. If you love me like you say you do, you'll do this one last thing for me. _Please_."

I'm barely holding myself together, on pins and needles, heart pounding furiously in my chest as I hold my breath and wait for his answer.

He lets out a long deep breath and finally rasps a simple, "Okay."

.

.

.

The next morning, at the hairy butt-crack of dawn, I was at the airport getting ready to fly to Houston.

"If you need anything, call me okay?" I nodded at Alice and reached down to give her a hug. I loved hugging Alice. Besides Em J and JJ, she was the only other person that made me feel tall.

Then she was sliding something in my pocket and whispering in my ear, "Here's some money for emergencies or whatever."

I started to protest but she pulled away with a smile, "There! All set and ready to go!"

With a nod, I hoped she could tell how thankful I was as I let out a breath and gave a grateful smile, "Thank you, Ali. I love you."

Seriously. I was really grateful because after paying my half of the light bill and groceries this week, I had $27 left to my name till my next paycheck.

Suzie tackled me in a bear hug, squeezing tight as she whispered, "I'll kick the ever lovin' shit outta that boy if he hurts you."

She was tired of seeing me cry and honestly, I was tired of crying. We had to just talk face-to-face and work this stuff out because I knew we would. We had to. Brandon loved me. He said he did and he wouldn't lie. Not about that. He was just scared and I hoped that being together again, even if just for a night, would calm those fears long enough for him to hang on. Because I was positive that he would get approved to move to Seattle in just a few months.

Thankfully, Deidre took my shift at the art museum today but I had to switch with her to work the next two weekends in a row. It was totally worth it though. And I remembered to bring my laptop so I could finish up my essay on the plane or something. I would figure it out. I had to.

So with everything covered, I took a deep breath and waved good-bye to Ali and Suzie before boarding the plane and fixing my relationship once and for all. I could do it.

Love conquers all, right?

.

.

.

Okay, so I had been too nervous on the plane to actually accomplish anything on my essay but it didn't have to be turned in until Monday morning so it was fine. I wanted to surprise Brandon so I didn't call him from the airport, choosing to get a cab with some of the emergency money Alice gave me.

I was dropped off in front of his building and I swallowed a lump in my throat as I looked up the stairs to his little loft.

"You can do this, Brady. You're strong and smart and have the ass that launched a thousand boners. By this time tomorrow, everything will be golden again. You can do this," I chanted to myself with labored breaths before wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans, throwing my bag over my shoulder, and walking up the stairs.

With one last deep breath, I raised my hand and softly rapped my knuckles against the door. It wouldn't take much for him to hear me. I knew he was awake; he was still one to rise with the sun.

"Who is it?" I heard him grunt through the door.

Licking my lips, I bounced on my toes and called out, "It's me! Brady!"

The door flew open and I was met with wide baby blues.

"Brady? What are you..." he trailed off and I lost my breath as I looked him over. He was in a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else. His wet hair hanging loosely around his face as he reached a hand up to drag it back and tuck it behind his ear.

Fucking Hell, why did he have to be so damn beautiful? I couldn't stand it. My dick was already squashed enough in these skintight jeans without it starting to thicken at the sight of him.

I rolled on the balls of my feet, trying to not just launch myself at him as I stammered, "Um, I just thought...you know. Surprise?" I ended with a slight crack in my voice and a grimace when I tried to smile. I felt my face heat up and I got so damn uncomfortable I didn't even know what to do with myself.

Lame. I'm so fucking lame. No wonder he's thinking about breaking up with me. Probably the last thing he wanted to do was have to actually see my stupid face again and oh my God, I just invited myself to spend the night with him when he doesn't even want me anymore. What the Hell was I-

The next moment, he's swooping forward. Bending down, his hands are cradling my cheeks as he presses his lips to mine and then he's kissing me hard and desperate. I launch my arms around his shoulders, rising to my tippy toes as I groan into his open mouth. The scruff on his chin is scratching against my face, driving me crazy as I dig my fingers into his damp hair.

Then his hands are off my face and sliding around my waist, down to my ass and grasping it roughly as he hoists me up like I weigh nothing. I gasp for a moment before I'm diving back into the kiss.

My eyes are closed but I hear the door being kicked open and then slammed shut. I feel the frenzied rush of desperation as I'm pushed against it, aching grunts and gasping breaths as he finally breaks away from my mouth. Panting against my neck, his mouth quickly moves to sucking the sensitive skin. Teeth and tongue tasting every patch of exposed flesh as I moan breathlessly and crane my neck to allow him more room to ravish. With my legs wrapped tight around his waist, my erection digging painfully against my zipper, I buck into him, fingers now skidding along broad shoulders, trying to grasp on.

I know we shouldn't be doing this right now. We're supposed to be talking but I can't bring myself to do anything but chant his name and beg for more.

"_Please_...please, baby...don't stop..."

The next moment, I'm being ripped away from the door and tossed on the bed. It barely flexes underneath my weight before he's crawling over me, eyes so dark blue and intense that my whole body shudders as he stalks me like prey.

But oh my God, I am so fucking willing to be caught right now.

His body hovers above me for just a second as he closes in and then his lips are on mine again, tongue pushing forcefully against mine as his hands dig into my stomach while they slide my shirt up. I groan, thrusting my hips up so that my cock rubs against his already hard dick inside those thin shorts.

My hands are roaming, fingers digging into his hair before trailing down his spine and up over those broad shoulders then back to that sticky wet hair again. I can't get enough. I need to touch everything, need to just feel him underneath my fingertips so that I know this is real.

My legs are wrapped around him, sliding up and down the backs of his thighs and ass as I try desperately to get him closer. He breaks away from my mouth leaving my face stinging deliciously from the scratchy stubble as he starts licking and biting my neck and shoulder. Rough fingertips still pushing at my shirt, suddenly it's pulled up and I rise to let him yank it off leaving my chest exposed, heart pounding so hard I'm sure it's physically visible when he dives right back in to putting his mouth all over me.

I'm squirming underneath him but he has me so pinned down I can barely move. Every prickly tease of his scruff along a new patch of exposed skin makes me shudder, causes my cock to pulse achingly in my jeans.

He bites tenderly at my nipples, kneading the nub between his lips before latching on with those teeth and a hoarse growl as he sinks them in.

My back arches from the bed as I answer with a low hiss of pleasure. I love it when he's rough. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved cuddles but when it comes to sex, I've discovered that I like to be treated not like some fragile little china doll but like a man who can take it...who _wants_ to take it.

I dig my nails into his scalp, clenching at his hair roughly while I grunt lower than I've ever heard my voice go, "Fuck yes...harder..."

Yanking at his hair, I groan when his hand travels down my stomach until it palms my dick through my jeans. He pushes sharply, his finger brushing firm over my asshole through the rough material and I'm a mess. Moaning and thrashing my head back and forth while I grip his hair and buck up into his hand.

All the while his mouth is still assaulting my skin, biting kisses and hard licks as his coarse chin scratches along the flesh until I'm almost sobbing with need. I need more, need him inside me. Right. Now.

I rasp out as much when his teeth nip at my hip, hand kneading my cock and ass painfully through my jeans but the ache is from desire. I've never wanted him the way I wanted him right now. It was a frantic need, the kind where your skin is hot and sticky, damp with sweat and every part of your body feels like it's on pins and needles. From the tips of my toes to the top of my head, it felt like liquid fire was coursing through my veins and I could burst into flames at any moment.

And that was a good thing, the pain and ache of wanting so badly because I knew I was going to have him. It made the agony of the waiting worth it.

He was between my legs, mouth scraping beneath my navel as his hands worked on the buttons of my jeans. I arched my back, lifting my hips to help as my hands clenched the blanket underneath us, just needing to grasp onto something to keep me grounded.

With his fingernails scratching along my thighs, he ripped my jeans and underwear down my legs, yanking them off along with my shoes, thudding to the floor.

My eyes barely opened, so heavy with desire I could barely breathe as I watched him look down at me. Chest heaving, midnight eyes lidded and dark pink lips slightly open as his dark blond hair fell messy around his face.

I gulped in a breath of air, cock twitching as it lay heavy against my stomach, leaking pre-cum as it pulsed, my skin on fire while I waited for the beast to pounce.

Then his fingers were digging into my thighs as he growled for me to turn over before forcefully flipping me. I groaned, ass in the air, face in the mattress as I clenched the sheets and begged.

Truthfully, it was one of my favorite things to be taken from behind. He could get in deeper, thrust harder, fuck me like I wanted; crazy and relentlessly pounding into me.

But I gasped as I felt that rough stubble against the cheeks of my ass and his coarse tongue licking wetly at my hole.

I groaned, pushing back into him while his tongue pushed through the tight barrier and flicked inside of me. His hands were gripping my cheeks, keeping them apart so roughly that I knew I'd have delicious finger shaped bruises. The thought made me whine and mewl as I reached down, hissing when I got a hand around my cock. It was so painfully full, engorged and throbbing, skin so heated that just one touch damn near made me cum.

I let go, not ready to cum yet, needing the release to be from him fucking me.

My hair was as damp as his, sticking to my forehead as I pressed it into the mattress and pushed back, "enough...ready...please..."

Suddenly his tongue was gone, replaced by two fingers pushing into me. I bucked, head thrown back with a howl of pleasure as I lifted to my hands and knees. I fucked myself back onto his fingers as he nipped at my ass, scruff leaving my skin raw and aching. His fingers curled with a growl of, "Like that don't you, my fingers in your ass...wish it was my dick, huh...tell me you want it...fuckin' tell me."

I answered back with a growl of my own, "Want it, baby..._need_ it...need you to fuck me...fuck me hard, daddy, _please_."

His fingers drew out of me and I squirmed for more until a sharp smack on my ass made me gasp as he hissed, "Don't fuckin' move."

Out of breath, panting and covered in sweat, I rested my head on my arm against the mattress and whimpered, "I won't. I'll be a good boy."

"Mother fuck," he whispered underneath his breath and I felt the bed dip as he got off it. I heard the bedside drawer open and a moment later, his fingers dripping with lube, were pushing back inside of me as his dick laid heavy against my ass.

It was so hot, throbbing and leaking messily over my cheeks as he grunted, "You ready for me, Brady?"

I was babbling at this point, my vision hazy around the edges as I thrust my ass back and rasped in a broken sob, "Yes...yes...please..."

His fingers were gone and replaced with the thick head of his dick as the weight of his body hovered over me. Then his hand wrapped around my neck, digging lightly but with enough force to make me gasp as he yanked me up on my knees so my back was against his chest. He nipped at my ear, fingers digging but not enough to hurt as he growled softly, "You sure you can take it, Princess?"

The sudden change in position caused his dick to impale me, long and thick, filling me up as my hands scrambled over my shoulder so my fingers could grip onto something. They found purchase in his hair, digging strongly into his scalp as I squirmed to adjust to the sheer size of him. My head was laid back on his shoulder, eyes rolled back hard as I gasped, "Yes...want it...give it to me..."

It was slow at first, the roll of his hips, long and steady as he pulled out and pushed back in a few times, testing the waters. His fingers, still wrapped around my neck, started to move up my chin until two of them were pushing past my lips and into my mouth. I groaned around them, sucking and moving my tongue along the rough skin.

And then I bit down as I was jolted forward when Brandon thrust up into me. Hard. He held me in place, fingers in my mouth and other hand gripping my hip as he fucked into me with solid, forceful thrusts.

"You okay?" he whispered in my ear through gritted teeth and I choked on a sob, nodding and shoving my ass down to show him that I was telling the truth.

It felt so good. So god damn good that I couldn't even think, couldn't do anything but feel.

With that, he laid his forehead on my shoulder, sticky with sweat as he pounded into me. The bed was squeaking, springs buckling, and headboard banging against the wall as he grunted against my neck. His hand slid from my hip until his arm was wrapped around my stomach, anchoring me so that I wouldn't fall. There was no way I'd be able to take the force of him without his strong arm keeping me upright. My body was jelly, knees weak, arms aching and cock slapping against my stomach, stinging with each thrust.

My fingers were still gripped tight in his hair, my other hand holding onto the arm around my waist and I needed to jerk my cock so I could cum but I felt too heavy to move on my own.

Then his fingers were gone from my mouth, trailing down my neck again and moving further down my chest until they finally wrapped around my cock.

My head thrashed against his shoulder, eyes clenched tight, mouth moving but no sound coming out as he grunted, "Fuck into it, Brady."

His hand was so strong, skin coarse as I fucked up into his hand each time he bounced me on his cock. It was too much. Too much force and too much fire, my toes curled, everything tingled almost painfully until I gasped, white light behind my eyes when my cock finally erupted. I came so much, white pools of stickiness spilling over his hand as he squeezed the head tight to milk every last drop.

If he hadn't been holding me up, I would've fallen.

When he finally released my cock, it still twitched heavy between my legs as he moved slowly in and out of me, going easy through my orgasm.

My head fell forward, eyes still closed and gasping breaths until the taste of salty, sticky cum was against my lips. I opened my mouth to him, moaning around his fingers as my tongue lapped up the mess.

That got him going again, the thrusts continued, hard and pounding until suddenly he pulled out of me and let go. I fell forward, panting and unable to even keep myself up on my hands and knees but it didn't matter because he was pushing me until I fell onto my back. My hair was matted to my forehead but my eyes opened to see him above me, hand wrapped around his dick as he jerked it off over my stomach.

His hair was hanging messy and matted, eyes clenched shut as he spilled his cum all over me. It covered my own wet cock, splashing across my stomach and chest, pooling in my navel as he stuttered out curse words in shuddering breaths.

My arm was so heavy it took every ounce of strength I had to reach up and push the hair from his face. His baby blue eyes opened, mouth open and pink tongue peeking out to wet his lips as he stared at me so intensely that it made me shiver.

God I loved him. I loved him so fucking much it was painful.

Before he collapsed, he gave me a small grin, dimples peeking out. And I knew from that little smile that everything was going to be okay. He loved me. He wanted me. We would get through this.

He curled up behind me, face nuzzled into my neck, arms wrapped tight around my waist and holding my hands there as he kissed the skin tenderly.

I was so weightless, so tired and so fucking happy that I couldn't even bring myself to speak before succumbing to the exhaustion.

.

.

.

When I woke, it was to something wet nuzzling at my nose. I yawned, eyes barely opening to see a little red face just inches from my own. Jumping with a startle, I chuckled and reached over to pet her furry head, "Morning, Dolly. Daddy ravished me so thoroughly I haven't even had the chance to say hello."

She butted her head into my hand, tail beating against the nightstand furiously. But then I noticed I was in bed alone. Scanning the room after rubbing my sleepy eyes, I called out, "Brandon?"

No one answered. Furrowing my brows, I shuffled out of bed expecting to be nasty and sticky from dried cum but I had been cleaned up. My eyes were crusty though so I padded my way to the bathroom to take out my contacts that I had fallen asleep in.

Finally slipping on my glasses so I could see, I opened the cabinet and pulled out the bottle of allergy pills, popping two and swallowing them with some water from the sink. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I stepped out of the bathroom, wondering where Brandon was. Maybe he just went to get breakfast or something.

Walking back by the bed, I grabbed my clothes from the floor and started shimmying back into my jeans when my eyes finally landed on a note on Brandon's pillow. Reaching over, I picked up the wrinkled piece of paper and yawned again.

_Had to go to work. Be back soon as I can. Make yourself at home. I love you – B_

Clutching the note to my chest, I grinned, heart racing at the simple I love you. Looking at Dolly I smiled, "Daddy loves me! And it makes me so happy! Does it make you happy too?"

She began dancing around from the tone of my voice, paws scampering across the wood floor and tail wagging haphazardly.

I reached out my hand and she bounded to me, skidding into my legs from excitement, butt sashaying all around as I wrapped my arms around her and gave her lots of cuddles. Eventually, I patted her little butt and jumped up, "Do you need to go potty, little girl?"

Bolting for the door, she slid across the floor and right into it but it didn't stop her a beat as she pranced excitedly.

Her collar and leash were hanging on a hook next to it so I grabbed them, sliding them on and wrapping the leash around my hand a few times, preparing for the strength when I opened the door.

Dolly was still a puppy but she was big and so strong that she yanked me around like I weighed nothing.

I opened the door and she bolted, dragging me behind her. By the grace of Buddha, I didn't fall on the stairs as she led me down them and through the alley to the patch of grass behind the building.

Once she had done her business, she took a few minutes to sniff things and nibble on stuff. I watched her, happy and more content than I had been in weeks. With the impending doom of being dumped gone, I felt light. Sure, we still hadn't talked about it, but I was certain that with the events of the morning and that smile and the I love you, we were in a good place. And in a few months, he'd be in Seattle and all of this heavy stuff would be behind us.

"Hey, you wanna bump?"

Brought out of my thoughts by the question, I lifted my eyes to see a man with a pit bull of his own standing not too far from us. The dog wore a thick chain around it's neck as it growled low at Dolly. My heart dropped to my stomach as I stuttered, "Um...what?"

What the Hell was he talking about?

He started to step closer when all of a sudden, the playful puppy in Dolly was replaced by her hackles rising as she dug her paws into the ground and growled, low and vicious. The rumbling started soft, a mere warning but when the guy took another step, she broke out into all out roaring as she growled and barked, letting out howls as she paced protectively in front of me.

The man snorted, a sneer on his face as he chuckled, "Oh yeah. I might just take that bitch."

I didn't even have time to react before the back door of the building flew open and Brandon was across the alley in just a few long strides.

All puffed up, he sneered right back at the man, stepping into his face, ignoring the growling of the other dog as he grunted, "Yeah? You gon' take that bitch? Take her now. Go 'head, tough guy. Take my dog, see what happens."

The guy backed up, hands in the air as he shook his head, "I ain't got no beef with you, man. Just wanted to let these bitches bump."

But Brandon didn't let him back away, pushing forward as he huffed with a sickening smile on his face, "I don't let my baby girl fight for me. But if you wanna bump, I'm game."

"Naw, man. I'm out," the guy took his dog and turned around, practically running down the alley, past the people who had started gathering to watch.

Brandon turned back to me, blowing out a breath, he raked his hand through his hair and bent down to Dolly. All of a sudden, the puppy was back. Her whole ass was wagging as Brandon smiled, rubbing her down as he told her she was a good girl.

He was so beautiful as he grinned at her, "You're a good girl, protectin' Papa like that. Yeah, you are. That guy was sellin' wolf tickets, huh? Dumbass. What'd he do?"

I giggled as Dolly let out a little bark and Brandon spoke to her, "He did? And then what happened?"

She whined, butting her head into his chest as she snuggled up and let out little mewls.

This went on for a minute, her answering his every question with some little crazy sound and I bit my lip to keep my cheeks from hurting from the way I was grinning. Brandon must've really talked to her a lot to get her to talk back to him. She was so good for him.

He finally patted her head one more time before he stood and cupped my cheek with his calloused hand, "You okay, Princess?"

I nodded, hand over his as my heart swelled and thundered in my chest, "What did he mean about bumping? And what does selling wolf tickets mean?"

Brandon chuckled, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. He took a drag and exhaled, "Bumpin' means he wanted to let our dogs fight. That shit pisses me off. Dolly is a fuckin' baby, not some god damn _thing_ for fuckin' amusement. I swear to God, I wanna string fuckers like that up. And sellin' wolf tickets means he's all bark and no bite. Basically just talkin' a bunch o'shit he can't back up."

"Oh," I blushed, smiling up at him as he schooled me on ghetto speak.

He took another drag and lifted his chin, "You just wake up?"

"Um, yeah. Sorry, I passed out on you."

"S'alright. That was pretty intense for first thing in the mornin'. Reckon I mighta been offended if I didn't put that pretty ass to sleep."

My cheeks were on fire, heart pounding as he finally seemed like his old self again.

"I love you," I blurted out, needing to hear him say it back.

He took one last drag from his cigarette before throwing it down and exhaling. Then he cupped my face as he leaned down for a kiss, not a care in the world to the people around us.

I fucking swooned when he pulled away just slightly, crinkles around his baby blue eyes as he smiled softly and whispered, "Love you too."

Bouncing on my toes, I felt like prancing along with Dolly as he gave me a dimpled grin, "I gotta get back to work but I'll be home soon, okay?"

"Okay," I smiled back as he turned and disappeared into the building.

Once we were back upstairs, I realized it was afternoon and I was starving. So I grabbed a couple of pieces of leftover pizza in Brandon's fridge and curled up on his bed with my laptop to work on my essay while I waited for him. Dolly hopped right up on the bed next to me, curling into my side and laying down.

I groaned when I checked my email and saw one titled : **Academic Suspension-Warning**

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath as I opened it and read it through. It was just like it said, a warning that if I didn't pull my GPA up at the end of the semester I would lose my scholarship.

But I took a deep breath and shook away the worry because I _was_ going to bring my GPA back up. I _was_ going to start working harder and paying more attention. Now that my personal life was back in order, I could really focus on school again and getting my shit together.

Closing out of the email, I petted Dolly's head and set about to get my essay done.

I was nearly finished by the time Brandon came through the door. I shut my laptop, laying it on his nightstand as I scrambled to my knees and greeted him with a kiss.

And everything was perfect. We made dinner, burgers and fries, curled up on the couch and made love all night long. We never spoke about what happened the night before; we didn't need to. There was no use in talking about something that didn't matter anymore. We were okay. We were gonna make it.

.

.

.

The next morning when I woke, my eyes opened to see the front door open and Brandon sitting on the stairs smoking a cigarette. My whole body was deliciously sore as I pulled myself from the bed, threw on his long tee and shuffled out to him.

"Good morning, babe," I yawned, scratching at his hair as I smiled down at him.

But when he looked back up at me, my stomach dropped, heart stopped, and breath caught in my throat. His eyes were red-rimmed, mouth in a hard line as he blew out a breath of smoke and mumbled, "We gotta talk."

"No," I snapped instinctively and turned to go back into the house. My hands were starting to shake, knees starting to wobble as I fought at the wetness in my eyes.

He threw out his cigarette and followed me inside, "Brady, we can't keep..."

But I shook my head as I yanked on my jeans, "No! Don't do this..."

"This isn't working!" he shouted and tears were now burning my eyes as I swung around and looked up at him.

"What are you talking about?! It was fine yesterday! Everything was fine!"

"No, it wasn't fine, Brady! We didn't talk about shit, we just _pretended_ everythin' was fine!"

I stepped forward, screaming back, "If you wanna talk, then talk! I'm here! I'll listen! But don't give up one us!"

He cupped my face, blue eyes wet as his voice shook, "I can't keep doin' this. I can't keep hurtin' you."

I grasped his hands covering my face and choked out, "Then _don't_. Don't hurt me. Don't leave me. _Please_."

His eyes were swimming with tears and his dark pink lip quivering as he whispered, "I have to. Please understand-"

I felt gutted. Like he had reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. Tearing away from him, I snarled, eyes hot with tears, "_Understand_?! You told me you loved me just yesterday! We made love! I _don't_ understand!"

"Brady, this ain't about love," he rasped but I was so angry and so hurt that all I could do was scream at him.

"Then what's it about, huh?! Is it about sex?! Is there someone else?!"

"No!" he shouted, fists clenched as he pushed them into the counter top and leaned on them with closed eyes.

Through gritted teeth, he snarled, "There ain't nobody else! I don't want nobody else! It ain't about sex!"

I choked on sobs, falling to my knees as I buried my face in my hands, "Then it's just _me_. You just don't _want_ me anymore. Oh my God, I can't believe this."

Then he was down on his knees in front of me, his hands on my shoulders as he sniffled, "Brady, I just can't do this right now. It ain't you, it's..."

My blood was boiling as I shoved his hands away and spat up at him, "Fuck you, Brandon! Were you really going to say 'it's not you, it's me?' Well, fuck you!"

Wiping my eyes, I stood and began pacing around the room, grabbing my shit and stuffing it in my bag as I bit down on my lip and tried to stop the tears.

"Fuck _you_, Brady! You think this is easy for me?! You think I want this?!"

Slamming my bag on the bed, I came right back at him, "Yeah, I do! I think this is fucking easy for you because you're a cold-hearted bastard! What kind of person sleeps with someone, tells him he loves him and then dumps him the next day?! What kind of fucking _monster_ are you?!"

My heart clenched as I spewed god-awful things at him, things I didn't mean but I couldn't stop them from spilling out of my mouth. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me.

And I was fully aware that if he was a monster, so was I.

He stepped back, head down, hands shoved in his pockets as he spoke softly, "Exactly. That's why it's better this way."

Fuck, I hated this. I hated everything about this. I hated that I hurt so fucking bad. I hated that I was hurting him. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted him to sweep me up in his arms and tell me it was a mistake. That I was worth waiting for.

But I wasn't, was I.

It was obvious to me now that I had made up half of our entire relationship up in my head. I turned it into some epic, romantic love story when it wasn't really that way at all. He didn't even want to be in a relationship in the first place, he told me that but I pushed and pushed. Closing my eyes, I remembered that conversation which seemed so long ago now.

:

_"We could find a way to make it work, you know…I mean, um…six months isn't that long and we could talk all the time and I could come see you on my breaks because I get like, two or three and um…yeah, so…I'm just saying…"_

_He didn't answer right away and I freaked out, quickly adding, "It's no big deal, Brandon…I mean, this is just a little Spring Break fling, I get it…"_

_After cursing at me and a few apologies, he sighed, "There's nothin I would like more than bein with you, Brady, but it just…I'm not good right now. I'm just really tryin to get my shit together and you deserve better than to be tied down with some criminal half way 'cross the country."_

_"Relationships are never built with two perfect people, Brandon. People are flawed and there are always challenges to face and demons to battle but that's what the beauty of it is…we all face things every day but we don't have to be alone to do it. Regardless of if we're in a relationship or just friends, I'll be there for you."_

:

This was all my fault. I pushed too hard, made it into something it wasn't. And now, we couldn't even be friends. It hurt too much. I really fucked up. I lost him...but I never really had him to begin with, did I.

Turning back to the bed, I grabbed my bag and took out my phone. With a trembling voice and through eyes so blurry with tears that I couldn't see anything, I started Googling taxi services, "My flight doesn't leave until four but I'm sure I can get something out earlier. I'll call a cab."

"I'll drive you..."

"No," I shook my head, clicking on the first cab company I saw as I whispered through shuddering breaths, "It's fine. I'm a big boy. I got myself here, I can get myself home."

"I don't want you to..."

But I dismissed him with a raised hand as I held the phone to my ear, "Yeah, I need a cab please, as quickly as possible."

I rattled off the address as Brandon slumped down on the end of the bed, head in his hands and shoulders shaking.

Shoving my phone in my pocket, I slumped down on the other end, head in my hands as I cried.

I wanted to take everything back. I would give anything for him to just talk to me...to say something. But he didn't.

When I heard the honk of the taxi outside, I let out a shuddering breath and threw my bag on my shoulder.

Walking past him, I stopped at the door, eyes closed as I whispered, "This is really it, isn't it. We're done. You're not gonna try and stop me."

His voice was wrecked, soft and shaky as he whispered, "No. M'not."

I didn't say anything else. I couldn't. Besides, what was there to say?

Slamming the door behind me, I ran as fast I could to the cab. Through blinding hot tears, I told the cab driver to take me to the airport.

With one last look, I lifted my eyes to see if maybe, just _maybe_, he was coming after me. But he never did.

**A/N: Okay I know that was brutal. But please keep in mind that through these next couple of chapters, things are going to be dark but there is a point to all of it. I'm not just trying to be mean. This is all happening for a reason because these characters need time to become stronger in themselves. If you stick with me, I think you'll understand the darkness that's coming and it will make you appreciate the light all the more at the end. Also, I'm already into the next chapter, trying to get it out as quickly as I can so you don't have to wait too long. But remember, it's gonna get worse before it gets better but it WILL get better. Thanks for reading.**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: This is a long one to make up for the wait. I am really sorry you had to wait but I'm going through a lot right now so try to be patient. I got a couple reviews that were sorta complimentary but also kinda mean so even though I was really impressed they could pull that off, please try to understand that my RL has to come first and I can't always control how much time I have to write.**

**Also, because I didn't think you'd wanna read chapter after chapter of Brandon wallowing in self pity, I am speeding things up a bit and passing through time more quickly. Hopefully I can still hit the key moments deep enough to make an impact.**

**Big thanks to Nan. You rock girl. Hard.**

**Songs that inspired this chapter: Black by Pearl Jam, Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons (if you YouTube this one, look for the one that says Bookshop Sessions. That's the one I liked best), and Dark Night of the Soul by Philip Wesley.**

**Brandon's POV**

I shouldn't have called Brady when I was shit-faced but liquid courage is a mother fucker and before I even knew what I was doin', I was finally tellin' him that this wasn't gonna work. But then he pulled that god damn beggin' shit and I couldn't take it. So I told him I'd sleep on it.

I didn't. Didn't sleep hardly at all that night but I didn't expect to open my door and find him on the other side. I _should've_ expected it, knowin' Brady like I do.

The second I saw him, I was done for. I couldn't fuckin' resist that boy. He was like the god damn sun. Everything about him was light and warmth and I wanted so fuckin' bad to just bask in that shit, close my eyes and let it wash over me.

But if he's the light, I'm the mother fuckin' darkness.

I wanted to be angry at him for showin' up, wanted to shove him away and scream at him to just run as far away from me as he could 'cause one thing I've learned about darkness is that it can kill the light, like black paint on a white canvas.

Fuck, I just didn't wanna hurt him. I wanted so fuckin' bad to make him happy but I couldn't do that. I don't know nothin' 'bout love. I don't know how to do it and I don't know how to accept it. Ain't nobody ever tried to love me before and I gotta give it to the little fucker, he put up a Hell of a fight but in the end, I had to set him free.

If I didn't, I woulda killed everything good about him and how could I live with myself if that happened? I can barely fuckin' live with myself even for hurtin' him like I did.

It was the right thing though. I just gotta keep tellin' myself that or I won't fuckin' survive this shit.

While he was here, for a little while, I was actually stupid enough to believe that maybe we _could_ get through this, that we could make it.

He has this way about him that makes me wanna believe in the impossible. So after an amazin' day together, and after he was fast asleep curled up next to me, all warm and sticky from makin' love half the night, I was stupidly happy.

And I wanted to do somethin' nice for him to make up for bein' an ass so I figured I could take him out in the mornin' somewhere fun, like the zoo or some shit.

I grabbed his laptop, since it was closer than mine so I could find somethin' but when I opened it up, his email was still up. I wasn't tryin' to be nosy but there it was in bold fuckin' letters.

**Academic Suspension-Warning**

My stomach dropped, queasiness settlin' in as I clicked it open and read about how his grades had fallen and if he didn't get a high enough GPA by the end of the semester they was gonna pull his scholarship.

And there it is. I did this. This is my fault. All the late night phone calls, makin' him worry 'bout me all the god damn time, takin' all his time to focus on fixin' me...it was destroyin' him. If I stayed with him, he would lose everythin' and the little fucker loved me so much, he wouldn't even blame me for it. He'd take it all himself, puttin' the weight of it on his own shoulders and just like I am now, I'd be fuckin' powerless to stop it. I can't do anythin' good for him. In the end, I'd take away all that light from those pretty brown eyes until he was nothin' but a broken shell of a man, like me.

I couldn't do that. I wouldn't. I had to let him go. And I knew it would hurt him like a son-of-a-bitch, but in a few years when he had that degree hangin' on the wall of his fancy little office doin' the job he always dreamed of, he'd maybe finally understand that I really did love him.

Closin' my eyes, I thought about the conversation I overheard yesterday.

:

_My next appointment wasn't for fifteen minutes so I stepped out to take a break_ _in the alley behind the building. From around the corner I could hear snifflin' and I recognized the man's voice as Lou Anne's boyfriend, Sean._

"_This is bullshit, Lou Anne. He shouldn't talk to you like that."_

_Her voice was broken in sobs as she whispered, "This ain't his fault. This is mine."_

_Sean sounded like he was grinding his teeth as he hissed, "This _ain't_ your fault. You're tryin'. Yeah, you fucked up but you're a different person now and he's your god damn son. He should give you another chance to make this shit right."_

"_Why? Why should he? All I ever done is hurt that boy. It's too late to make it right now."_

"_Fuck that. I'm gonna go talk some fuckin' sense into him."_

"_No! Just leave it alone, Sean."_

"_How can I do that? I love you! I can't watch him hurt you no more."_

"_You won't have to. I'm done. Every time he looks at me, hears my voice, it dredges up all this bad shit and it hurts him. I can't hurt _him_ no more. I won't. You ever hear that ol' sayin' 'if you love someone, let 'em go. If they come back they're yours, if they don't, then they wasn't yours to begin with'?"_

_Sean sighs, loud and heavy, "Yeah."_

_Lou Anne sniffles, "I gotta let him go. I _got_ to. I love him too much to keep hurtin' him the way I do."_

"_C'mere, Lulu. I love you."_

_She was sobbin' and I could tell he was holdin' her, tryin' to offer comfort. I felt like a dick for intrudin' so I decided to go out front to smoke instead._

:

I was hurtin' Brady. Not intentionally but I was. It had to stop. And I was gonna have to be the one to stop it. I shoulda known better than to think I could keep somethin' so fuckin' good anyway. I mean it was a god damn miracle I kept him this long. But I wasn't stupid. Brady only stuck around me so long 'cause he didn't have enough self confidence to know he was worth more than what I was givin'. I really hoped that with me outta the picture, he could find what he needed to be happy in himself.

Shuttin' his laptop, I set it carefully back on the nightstand. I wanted to go out and smoke a cigarette but I didn't have it in me to leave the god damn bed. So I curled up next to him, brushin' the silky black hair from his forehead and just watchin' him sleep. I committed it all to memory, every little angle, every little mole...

I wanted to remember him like this, a soft smile on his lips, dreams flutterin' underneath long, dark lashes, everythin' sated and relaxed 'cause he was happy.

Fuck, he was really gonna hate me.

And what hurt more than anythin' else was that I was gonna lose my best friend. I ain't never been as close to anyone as I was to him. Not even Angel.

So I stayed up all night just watchin' him sleep 'cause I figured it'd be the last time I ever saw it. The last smile, was really the last one I was ever gonna get from him. The last kiss was really the last kiss.

Damn, I wish I woulda kissed him more. Wish I woulda told him I love him more and been nicer to him. Wish I woulda been good to him the way he deserved. But I didn't do those things and now it was too fuckin' late to make it right between us.

He was gonna hate me and that's what I deserved. But it's okay. I can deal with him hatin' me if it means he's got a chance to make it.

Brady come from nothin', he had to work his ass off to get the things he's got and I can't be the thing that fucks it all up. I just can't.

I wish...

Fuck, it really don't even matter no more what I wish. It's done. It's over. Fuck it.

When the sun rose, I rose with it, haulin' my ass outside to sit on the stairs and smoke till he woke up. I hadn't slept in two days, my head was poundin' and my eyes felt like I had rubbed 'em with sandpaper. Everythin' hurt. My stomach churned, my bones ached.

I guess when your heart breaks, it fucks up everythin' else, too.

I ain't ever dreaded anythin' more than the sound of him tip-toein' across my floor as he was comin' out to see me knowin' that I was getting ready to fuckin' destroy him.

And it was just like I thought it would be. He screamed, he begged, and he went for the fuckin' jugular with that 'monster' line...glad he learned somethin' from me.

I'd like to say that it took everythin' I had not to go after him but that would be a lie. It was easy. After spendin' most my life not feelin' anythin', it was a little scary how easy I slipped back into it. Before the door even slammed, I felt hollow. Numb. The tears were dried up and I was just left there sittin' on the edge of my bed not really feelin' anythin' at all.

I coulda dealt with anger...coulda dealt with sadness too...but when you don't feel a god damn thing, how the fuck ya supposed to deal with that?

You don't. You just sit there. You don't feel the sun shinin' in through the windows; don't hear the cars or people outside on the busy street; don't realize day has turned to night, your dog's pissed on the god damn floor and you got twenty missed phone calls until someone opens the door.

"Brandon? What the hell, son? Why are you sittin' in the dark?"

I heard Lou Anne talkin' but I couldn't _do_ anything.

Suddenly she was kneelin' in front of me, hands on my knees and green eyes wide as she looked into mine.

"Hey? Hey, what's goin' on, Brandon?" her voice was fuzzy, filled with concern and I clamped my eyes shut. Knuckles diggin' into the mattress, I shook my head 'cause I couldn't answer her. I couldn't speak, couldn't fuckin' move 'cause if I did, I was afraid I'd lose it. All that emptiness was fillin' up with rage fast as fuck and if I didn't keep the dam up, that shit was gonna flood over.

Lou Anne musta sensed it 'cause she stood slowly and backed away before speakin' soft, "Somethin' bad happened."

A vicious laugh left my throat, fingers curling into the sheets starin' at her feelin' cold as ice. The look on my face musta said it all 'cause she nodded and backed herself to the door. Hand on the doorknob, she whispered, "I don't wanna be angry with you, honey, so before you flip your shit, do me a favor and head down to the gym. I'm gonna be down at the shop a few hours still so stop by if you wanna talk after. If you don't, that's okay too. Your cousin Jeremiah called, guess a bunch o'people been tryin' to get a'hold of ya. I'll call him, tell him you're okay, ya just can't talk right now, okay?"

I woulda said thank you but I was afraid to open my mouth, afraid that all kinds of crazy shit would just start spewing out so I gave a short nod instead and waited for her to leave before lettin' go of the sheet underneath me. Gripping my hair, I tucked my head down, tryin' to breathe and calm down but nothin' was workin'. My eyes were stingin', heart racin', head poundin', and she was right; I was gonna lose my shit so I had to get outta here before I destroyed my apartment.

Jumpin' from the bed, I shoved my feet into my shoes, not even botherin' to change outta my sweats before I took off.

Grindin' my teeth, I yanked open the door to the gym and walked in. I wasn't ever particularly friendly when I came here so I figured people would leave me the fuck alone. I didn't waste time puttin' on gloves before I went to the heavy bag and started hittin' it. I liked the burn and sting of my knuckles, I wanted it. Needed it. In short, heavy breaths, I grunted as I hit it over and over and over again, tryin' to get some of this shit out but it wasn't workin'. I wanted to hurt somebody.

"Hey man, you wanna spar?"

My eyes snapped up to the shitty little makeshift ring in the middle of the room where a couple guys stood lookin' at me.

The corner of my lips curled into a menacing smile as I nodded. With one hand, I tore my shirt up over my head as I strode to the ring in about five big steps. Grabbin' the ropes, I hopped inside the ring.

.

.

.

An hour later, I was too fuckin' tired to be angry anymore. Everythin' hurt; my face, my hands, my body...but as beat up as I was on the outside, it didn't come close to how much I still hurt inside.

Downin' a bottle of water, I poured some over my face, lettin' it wash away some of the sweat and blood as a few of the guys I'd been sparrin' with came over to shake my hand and try to talk me into tryin' out some real fights.

I didn't have no interest in that though. I liked what I did and needed my hands in decent shape to do it. Not to mention, I been fightin' my whole life; doin' it for a livin' didn't interest me in the least. But it had been the best thing I coulda done tonight givin' my earlier state.

Throwin' my t-shirt over my shoulder, I left the gym. With legs as heavy as my heart, the short walk back to my apartment felt longer than it normally would. The cool night air felt good against my overheated skin and I wanted to stay in it just a little longer so when I got home, I ran quickly up the steps and opened the door.

"C'mon, girl," I called out to Dolly who came barrelin' off the couch like she hadn't seen me in years and hadn't been sure if I was ever comin' back.

Crouchin' down, I rubbed her all up, her little tail beatin' against the floor and I felt bad that I had pretty much ignored her all day.

Shit, I don't even think I fed her.

I stood up, pushin' my way into the apartment to see that she had used the bathroom on the floor 'cause I hadn't taken her out. Guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't let myself fall apart again. It wasn't all about me anymore. Dolly was my baby girl; a gift to me from Brady. I wouldn't let her suffer anymore 'cause of my bullshit. I could be just about the meanest son-of-a-bitch you'd ever know but I didn't have it in me to be cruel to an innocent animal. After all, people had always been the ones that hurt me, never an animal.

So, I fed her and cleaned up while she ate. My phone was still lyin' on my nightstand but I couldn't bring myself to look at it just yet. I knew I'd have to deal with it eventually or else I'd end up with Jeremiah on my doorstep 'fore too long, but I just couldn't do it tonight.

With a heavy sigh, I bent down and picked up the t-shirt of mine that Brady slept in last night and had left crumpled on the floor. Bringing it to my face, I closed my eyes and inhaled. Fuck, it still smelled like cocoa butter. I almost put it on but didn't wanna stink it up so I folded it instead and laid it on my pillow.

Then I grabbed the pillow he slept on and smelled that, too.

Eventually the clacking of little toenails on the wooden floor got my attention so I tossed the pillow on the bed and grabbed her leash. I needed to get outta here for awhile; somewhere quiet where I could just let her loose to run around and get some of that energy out. So I decided to head out to my grandpa's lake.

Loading Dolly's big ass in the front seat of my truck, we took off, windows down so she could stick her head out the whole way there. The drive was nice; the moonlight shinin' in and the warm air blowin' all around helped me get my head together a little bit.

By the time we got there, I was a little more calm. I let Dolly out and just sat in the grass as she ran around like a maniac. Lyin' back on the grass, I stared up at the stars and wondered what Brady was doing. I wondered if he was still cryin', if he still hated me for what I did. I wondered if he'd ever forgive me. He had promised that no matter what, we'd be friends but I'm guessin' I blew that out the window.

I wondered what it would be like to be without him in my life. I always thought he'd be a part of my life in some way and I hated thinkin' that I might grow old and never know how he was doin', if he was happy. I should've never said yes to him when he said we should be boyfriends. I mean, I had just told him a couple days before that we shouldn't do the long-distance relationship thing and then the minute he says the word 'boyfriend' I'm jumpin' in with both feet when I knew it was too fast.

But no one had ever wanted to be 'mine' before. And no one had ever wanted me for more than a night or two. I just wanted it so bad. I wanted to have somebody who wanted to have me.

No, not just somebody. I wanted _Brady_. That boy came whooshin' through my life like a little rainbow-colored hurricane and in a fuckin' week he had challenged everythin' I knew.

I didn't think I could ever make a livin' doin' anythin' I liked, that I was actually good at other than breakin' my back 'cause I was just a mother fuckin' work horse. But I ain't no more. I'm a mother fuckin' artist. I'm good at it. People like my work, they ask for me to do their shit and they respect the opinions I give.

People never really respected me before. I mean, yeah, they respected that I'd beat the shit outta 'em if they fucked with me but like, they never really respected _me_. They didn't listen when I spoke, 'les it was a threat. They sure as fuck didn't want my opinion on anythin'.

Brady gave that to me. That sense that I could be somethin' other than what I always thought I'd be.

I jumped right in, head first, into this thing without thinkin' of the long-term damage I'd do to him. 'Cause yeah, he influenced the fuck outta me, but I influenced him, too.

I influenced him to call off at work and to skip school...to get so pissed off that he lashes out in the meanest fuckin' ways.

It's not that I didn't deserve that shit about bein' a monster, 'cause I did. I am. I'm the fucker that told him I loved him, made love to him all night long – and it _was_ makin' love – and then I dumped him first thing the next mornin'.

Yeah, I fucked up with Brady. For good. He ain't ever gonna want nothin' to do with me no more. And that's good. That's what I wanted but now...what the fuck am I gonna do without him? How the fuck can I keep doin' all this shit he fuckin' inspired me to do when all I wanna do is curl up and fuckin' sleep?

No, fuck that. I don't wanna sleep. Ever again. My nightmares are bad enough without addin' this shit in the mix.

But I did the right thing, right? Did I do the right thing? Or did I just fuck everythin' up again?

_Fuck, please, _please_ let me have done the right thing for Brady. Please don't let this fuck him up...please just let him be okay and get through this._

Because really, it didn't matter what it did to me. It only mattered that it was the best thing for him 'cause I was too much of a distraction to him right now and if he wasn't strong enough to pull himself away, I just had to push him.

I needed to talk to Suzie. Needed to tell her to keep an eye on him and stick her foot up his ass if he tried to be too sad for too long. I didn't bring my phone though, forgot it on the nightstand.

_Shit, what if he didn't even make it home? What if somethin' happened and that's why everyone was callin' me? _

"Fuck," I curse under my breath and holler for Dolly as I jump up. I need to get home and check my messages to make sure he's okay.

On the way back home, I was damn near tempted to visit Angel's grave but I was too worried 'bout Brady to stop. If somethin' happened to him, I'd...I can't even think about that. My heart was already jack-rabbitin' and I couldn't believe I didn't bring my fuckin' phone.

When I finally got back, me and Dolly ran up the stairs and I grabbed my phone.

23 missed calls, 46 text messages

Shit.

I had messages from Jeremiah, Esme, Carlisle, Jay, Eddie, and Alice.

Not even checkin' them, I called Jeremiah back.

"Where the fuck you been, B? Been goin' outta my god damn mind! You okay, fucker?!"

Letting out a deep sigh, I plopped down on my bed, "Yeah, m'alright, Cuz. Just been...workin' shit out I guess."

He let out a breath now, "What happened?"

But before I could answer I had to ask, "Brady make it home okay?"

"Yeah, he's home. Torn in fuckin' pieces but he's home."

"I couldn't...I told him, ya know? In the beginnin' 'fore any of this started I told him I couldn't do this long-distance shit, man. I told him I wasn't ready yet...that I needed to get my shit together."

"But?"

With a groan, I ran my hands across my face, "But I fell in love with him and I...fuck, Cuz, I wanted him so fuckin' bad. I _want_ him. But it ain't the right time and it ain't been good for him and I..."

A growl of frustration escaped my throat as Jeremiah spoke softly, "Me and Alice have been dancin' 'round each other for years, waitin' for the time to finally be right, when both of us was ready to really give it a fair fuckin' shot 'cause we didn't wanna fuck up our friendship."

"Yeah," I blew out a breath and whispered, "I fucked up everythin', man. Brady ain't ever gonna want nothin' to do with me and what sucks the most is that, he was my best friend. I'm really gonna miss him. But he's failin' outta school, Cuz. I'm holdin' him back, takin' his attention away from the important shit and I can't keep doin' that 'cause..."

"'Cause you love him. 'Cause he's your best friend."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Shit, I'm sorry, Brandon. This shit really fuckin' sucks."

"Yeah."

"Maybe you could talk to him, tell him why..."

"No way, Cuz. I ain't tellin' him this shit. Don't matter anyway. He needs to just cut me loose and focus on his own shit for awhile, instead of bein' distracted with mine. Just look after him, okay? Don't let him do anythin' stupid."

"I won't. How 'bout you? You gon' be okay?"

"I," choking on the response, I pushed it down and rasped, "Yeah. I'm gon' be fine, Cuz."

"You ain't gotta lie to kick it, Cuz."

That made me snort as I rolled my eyes and grabbed a square, "I'm gonna get off here, J. Need to call Suzie."

"You should maybe text her first. She's with Brady and...well, in all honesty, she's so pissed she might reach through the phone and bitch smack you."

"I kinda expected as much."

"If you need me, B, call and my ass'll be on a plane, quick, fast and in a hurry. I got me a rich-ass woman now who likes to spoil me rotten - _What_? You _do_ like to spoil me...I earn that shit, _woman_. All the dickin' down I give you and I _cook_, so what now? Anyway, Cuz, you ain't locked up no more so no sittin' around wallerin' in your own shit, spendin' all day jerkin' off on the couch. Get up. Wash your ass. And keep busy, okay?"

"Good lookin' out, Cuz."

"Hey, I always got you, man. I love you. Later, B."

"Love you too, J. Later."

Sitting up, I take a deep drag from my square before typing a quick text to Suzie to call me when she can.

My stomach's all tied up in knots as Dolly jumps in the bed beside me and curls up on my side. I start rubbin' her back and it kinda helps calm me down, especially when she snuggles in a little closer

I'm just about to doze off when my phone rings.

I don't even get a chance to say hi before Suzie is whisper-screamin' in my ear, "You got some mother fuckin' nerve, Brandon. I can't believe you. My best friend is sittin' in the tub cryin' his god damn eyes out 'cause of you. How could you be so god damn cruel to him? After all he's done for you, I swear to God I wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass right now -"

The image of him curled up in a little bubble bath cryin' his eyes out about broke me as I rasped, "I know. M'sorry...I didn't...it wasn't supposed to be like...I didn't wanna hurt him -"

"Well what the Hell did you think was gonna happen, huh? You tell him you love him, _make_ love to him, and then kick him out the god damn door!"

"That's not...I wasn't plannin' on -"

"Wasn't plannin' on plowin' him one last time 'fore you threw him away?"

"God damn it, Suzie, will you let me talk?!"

"Why the fuck should I?"

"'Cause I'm your god damn cousin! 'Cause I got my fuckin' teeth knocked out for protectin' you when I was just a fuckin' kid myself! 'Cause I committed my first fuckin' robbery to try and fuckin' feed you! 'Cause I watched Disney movies with you and made you crowns outta dandelions! For fuck's sake, I think I earned a little fuckin' respect!"

Through grinding teeth she grunted, "Fine. What?"

Runnin' a hand through my hair, I let out a breath, "I didn't want you to call me so we could argue, okay? I just wanted to ask you to keep an eye out for him. Help him get through this shit in one piece. That's all I wanted."

With a harsh laugh, she sneered, "Like I need you to tell me that. He's my best friend, Brandon. And you broke his fuckin' heart. He told me everything so how dare you tell me to do somethin' I been doin' since the day I met that boy."

Heavin' a harsh breath through my nose, I gritted my teeth, "Yeah? He tells you everythin', huh? He tell you he's fixin' to get kicked outta school and lose his fuckin' scholarship?"

Now she let out an actual yell, "What?!"

"Yeah. I been fucked up lately, I admit it. It's been bad and I've been a dick but when he was here, it was so fuckin' good, it was like I remembered why we could make it work 'cause he's...he's the best fuckin' thing that ever happened to me. But then I grabbed his laptop when he was sleepin' 'cause it was closer than mine and right when I opened it up, in big glarin' letters it read, 'Academic Suspension-Warning.' And I know it's my fault, okay? _I'm_ the mess he doesn't fuckin' need in his life right now. _I'm_ the distraction. So tell me, Miss High and Mighty, if you knew bein' in his life was hurtin' him, would you be strong enough to let him go?"

I was breathin' out heavy through my nose, lips curled into a snarl as I stepped out onto the porch with my cigarette. She was quiet for a minute, only the sound of her breathin' let me know she was still there.

Plopping down on the step, I took a deep drag and slowly exhaled as I looked up at the stars. They wasn't as bright here as they was out at the lake.

Finally, she let out a ragged breath and whispered, "He didn't tell me that. I had no idea, I...shit, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up his ass, I can't even...fuck. I'm sorry, Brandon. You still went about it wrong but I know you did what you did 'cause you was tryin' to protect him. You were, weren't you? Just tryin' to keep him from fuckin' up his life?"

"Yeah. I love him, Suzie. I didn't think I could ever love somebody the way I do him. I didn't think I could care about somebody else more than I do myself because it would be better for _me_ to have him in my life. But it's better for him to let me go and focus on the important shit right now."

"You were his first boyfriend, Brandon. I think he just got so wrapped up in it all that he lost sight of everything else. I know what you did was hard. I see that now. I'm sorry for yellin' at you."

_He was my first boyfriend too...the first person that actually wanted me for more than a night or a friend with benefits._

"S'okay."

"No, it's not. I'm just protective, ya know? I get riled up when it comes to him."

"Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to talk to you. Ya know, you and me, we're a lot alike, Suzie Q. I'm glad you got outta here when you did. I'm glad you done right. And I'm real fuckin' proud of you, you know that?"

"I know. Thanks, Cuz. Don't you worry 'bout him, okay? I'm on it like bees on honey. I'll tell him I found the email, he'll believe it 'cause I use his laptop all the time. I'll make sure he gets his shit together and does good."

"I knew you would. You take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will. And Brandon?"

"Yeah."

"I'm real proud of you, too. I can't say I know how hard your life has been but I know how hard you've been workin' to do better. And you _are_ doin' better. You're stronger than the lot of us combined."

"I don't know about that -"

"I do. 'Cause if I was hurtin' him by bein' with him, I don't think I could let him go. You're a good man, Brandon. You keep yourself hidden behind all the fucked up shit but underneath all that nonsense, you're a good man. I love you. Take care of yourself and if you need me, call. I got me a rich-ass pseudo sister-in-law who'd put me on a plane in heartbeat if I asked."

Rolling my eyes, I chuckled, "Bye, Suze."

"Bye, Cuz."

Setting the phone down, I took a breath and dragged my fingers through my hair before scrubbing my hands across my face.

I was gonna be okay. I did the right thing. That's all that mattered.

That's what I kept tellin' myself anyway as I curled up on my bed, face buried in the pillow and t-shirt that smelled of cocoa butter.

And even still the next mornin' when I cornered Lex as she was out back smokin'.

"You got some time?"

She shrugged as she exhaled, "Sure. What'cha want, B?"

Takin' a breath, I let my eyes fall to the ground as I whispered, "If you love him, let him go."

"Damn," she breathed softly, then threw her cigarette to the ground before openin' the door and followin' me in to get to work on my new ink.

As the needle pricked my skin, I closed my eyes, just tellin' myself that I did the right thing. We were both gonna be okay. I could do this shit.

:

I couldn't do this shit. The last few weeks had been Hell. With everybody on my god damn back like I was on fuckin' suicide watch or some shit, fuckin' asshole doctor who didn't fuckin' help me, and dick parole officer who kept askin' if I was still gonna try and get my parole moved to Washington, I felt like I was gonna explode.

"You gonna order somethin' or sit there dickin' with your phone all night, Kid?"

And this mother fucker right here...

Grindin' my jaw, I shoved my phone in my pocket and glared at the wrinkly old bastard, "I order the same god damn thing every time I come in here. And I ain't no mother fuckin' kid."

Mumbling underneath his breath, the old man passed me a shot and a beer before pointing his decrepit finger at me with a sneer, "You know what your problem is, Kid?"

Rollin' my eyes, I threw back the shot and pulled out my cigarettes. Sliding one out of the pack, I tapped it against the bar to pack it as I chuckled snidely, "Right now, my only problem is your senile ass can't remember my god damn drink order."

With a grunt, the old man grabbed his dirty beer rag and started wipin' the counter like he had a personal grudge against it.

"Senile, my ass. I'm not the one checkin' his god damn phone every two seconds. Ya know, that mother fucker rings when someone calls. Ain't got no reason to keep checkin' the fuckin' thing. Ain't nobody called since the last time you checked. I may be old but even I can hear your phone _not_ ringin'."

"Fuck you," I mumbled underneath my breath before taking a pull from my beer. My hand was itchin' to reach into my pocket and check my phone again but I didn't want anymore comments from the jackass bartender so I just sat there with my knee bouncin' and fingers twitchin'.

The old bastard was right though. Brady ain't called. He ain't texted. Nothin'.

And that was a good thing. I wanted that. Made it easier to forget.

Only it really didn't. Fuck, I wanted to call him so god damn bad it hurt to restrain myself. But I had to. It was what was best for him.

It had been almost two months since we broke up but Suzie kept me updated on how he was doin' in school and after she had put the fear of her size 9 heel up his ass, he buckled down and started focusin' on his studies again. She said he done real good on his exams and the threat of academic suspension was no longer hangin' over his head. She wouldn't really tell me nothin' else 'bout him other than school though.

Jeremiah did though. He told me how sad Brady was. And that he walked around with his head hung down all the time, he was wearin' hoodies and converse everyday instead of his usual flashy clothes, he barely brushed his hair and had lost weight.

Jay would barely talk to me.

Edward still texted me though which was surprisin' but kinda nice. Carlisle and Esme still called me.

But all I really wanted was to talk to Brady, to tell him how sorry I was. 'Cause I _was_ sorry. Not that I broke up with him, 'cause that was the right thing to do but sorry 'cause of how bad I treated him towards the end. I was such an asshole to him and he didn't deserve that.

The thought that he was walkin' around in hoodies with fucked up hair about killed me. He had to get over this shit. He just _had_ to.

_Fuck, please let him get over this shit and find himself again. Don't let me be the thing that broke him._

Rollin' the beer bottle between my hands, I sighed, closin' my eyes and willin' myself not to pull out my god damn phone.

I wanted to get drunk but I never really did. Always just one shot and nursin' a beer or two. I don't know why I came here so much, just needed to get away I guess. Needed a quiet place to think and this shit hole was almost always deserted so, besides the old dick that ran it, people pretty much left me alone. My thoughts were drivin' me crazy so I don't know why I even wanted to think. When all I thought about was _him_.

His smile, the sound of his voice breathless in my ear, the smell of his skin and how good his little silky hands felt when he was touchin' me. It wasn't about the sex - though if I'm bein' honest, I fuckin' missed the sex like crazy - what I missed most was layin' my head on his chest, little arms around me, tender fingertips brushin' my hair back away from my face and warm, soft lips against mine breathin' life into me.

Brady made me feel alive in a way I ain't ever felt before. With Angel it was nervous butterflies and uncertainty, stumblin' along in the darkness tryin' to make heads or tails of what we _were_ and why he didn't wanna be with me as bad as I wanted to be with him. There was always a hollowed out feelin' in my chest because Angel would never give himself to me; I wouldn't really give myself to him either so we just danced around each other, never really acknowledging the thing that was happenin' between us.

I would've given myself to him. All he had to do was ask. He never did though. I guess that's the thing about fallin' in love; sometimes they don't love you back. Not the way you want them to.

But sometimes they do.

Brady and I danced around it at first but finally, fuckin' _finally_ we fell in step together. I told him exactly what I wanted and he told me the same. There was no guessin', no uncertainty just the realization that we both wanted the same thing. We just wanted each other.

Angel didn't want me like that, not wholly, not headstrong and full force. Brady did.

"You actually gonna drink that beer or you just come here for the ambiance? I'm tryin' to run a business here."

Rollin' my eyes, I took a pull of my beer before mumblin', "Try harder. I'm the only mother fucker I ever see here and you treat me like shit. Ya know, ya might wanna be a little nicer to your only customer. No wonder ain't ever nobody here."

"You know what your problem is, Kid?"

"You mean, besides you? Got no idea, old man. Enlighten me."

He pressed his lips together, bony shoulders hunched over as he sneered with a god damn finger pointed at me again, "Self pity. You spend all your time starin' at the god damn phone, lookin' like the world just kicked you in the fuckin' nuts and all you can think of is 'poor me'. It's pathetic - "

"You don't know shit about me."

"Bullshit, I don't. You're about as transparent as a fuckin' mirror."

"Mirrors aren't transparent, dumbass."

"You see? That's another thing. Always got a smartass comment instead of just listenin'."

"Makes sense that a smartass wouldn't listen to a dumbass."

"Forget it. Think you know every thing, huh, tough guy? Well if you _was_ so god damn smart, you wouldn't be wastin' your life away in this shit hole every mother fuckin' day but here you are. If I was your age, I'd be doin' somethin' with my life instead of sittin' 'round wallerin'. That god damn phone ain't gonna ring."

"Fuck this shit. I'm out."

Throwin' down some money, I skidded the barstool across the floor as I jumped up and stormed out while that old bastard was still mumblin', "Good. 'Bout fuckin' time."

Dick.

:

"You're petitioning for Washington again, huh?" Mr. Gnash, my parole officer chuckled snidely as he shuffled through my paperwork.

"Yup," I sighed, tippin' back in my chair, lacin' my hands behind my head to show off my arms. He might have the power in this mother fuckin' office but I wanted to remind him that out there on the street, I could break his bitch ass in two if I wanted to.

I had no idea why I was still tryin' for Seattle. A little part of me wanted to believe that if I could just get there, maybe me and Brady could salvage shit and work it out. It was stupid. A pipe dream. Because even if I did get to Seattle, Brady probably wouldn't want anything to do with me. It had already been three months since we broke up. And all I was, was the asshole that treated him like shit, used him for one last lay and tossed him out like he didn't matter at all.

Truth was, he was the only thing that mattered.

Besides Brady though, I did miss my family. I wanted to be near them.

I really didn't wanna miss anymore of JJ's life. And little Em J too, if Emmett and Rosalie still let me anywhere near him.

I hadn't heard from them but I expected that. From what Brady always told me, him and Emmett were real close so it made sense that Emmett would hate me now.

It's okay though, I was used to bein' hated. It was bein' loved that I wasn't used to.

"Yeah, well, good luck with that," Mr. Gnash snickered as he handed me a cup to piss in. I took it without so much as a fuck you 'cause he was right to make fun of me. Wasn't no way they was gonna let me outta this god damn state till I was off paper.

Assumin' I didn't fuck that up. Which was a very real possibility.

:

"This is stupid. I been comin' here for months and you ain't helpin' me. I'm tired of throwin' my god damn money out the window for this bullshit."

I stood up and huffed at Dr. Lorenzo but didn't leave. Instead, I just stomped over to the window. Pressin' my palms against the sill, I peered out at the sunshine, silently cursin' it for makin' me think of how warm Brady's skin used to feel on mine.

"Brandon, do you want to be happy?"

It had been four months since I spoke to Brady. How the fuck could I be happy when I still missed him so bad? And how could I be happy when he was still sad?

Rollin' my eyes, I pushed my wrists into the wood and gritted, "That's a dumb fuckin' question."

"Why do you think it's dumb?"

Turnin' around with a huff, I crossed my arms tight over my chest and sneered, "'Cause it is. Who the fuck don't wanna be happy?"

"People who don't think they deserve it."

Letting out a breath, I uncrossed my arms and leaned back against the windowsill, clutchin' the frame as I sighed, "Look, I'm getting tired of this shit. I feel like a god damn hamster on a wheel, runnin' and runnin' but getting nowhere. I'm sick of sittin' here week after week, month after month, cryin' 'bout my fucked up childhood and the shit I lost. 'Cause it's lost. I can't get it back. I fucked everythin' up and there ain't no makin' it better. It was stupid of me to think I could."

I pushed away from the ledge and went through the door as she called out, "You're right, you can't get it back. You have to get off the wheel to move forward. Will you be back?"

Stopping to look at her as I waited for the elevator, hands shoved in my pockets, I shrugged, "I don't know. I don't really see the point."

"The point is that you can't change your past. You can't change what's been done to you or what you've done to others. All you can do is move forward. And all that useless crying you've been doing means that you're not a monster. You're just a boy that was hurt over and over again and you lashed out. But you're not a boy anymore, you're a man and it's up to you choose what kind of man you want to be. If you don't, you'll be on the wheel forever, Brandon. It's your choice. I hope I see you next week."

The elevator door flung open as I stared down at the little old lady and rasped, "I hope so too."

:

"C'mon, Brandon, please?"

"No way, Lex."

"But I ask you to come out with us every weekend and you always say no."

"So why do you keep askin?"

Her hair was hot pink and electric blue this week. I couldn't help but think that Brady would totally dig it.

She stamped her foot and stuck her bottom lip out before slumpin' down on the stool in my booth, "Because! You need to get out of here for awhile, have some fun."

I looked up from the stupid Playboy bunny I was inkin' on some chick's ass cheek, "I don't wanna."

Then I huffed as I went back to work on Bimbo Barbie's ass. I loved this job but sometimes people really annoyed the fuck outta me with the stupid shit they wanted. But who the Hell was I to judge, I guess.

"Brandon, I love you to pieces but you can't keep holing yourself up in your apartment watching Lock Up reruns with Dolly till you pass out on the couch. It ain't healthy."

"Who's Dolly?" Bimbo Barbie looked up at me from underneath her fake lashes and asked.

I may have glared a little bit as I mumbled, "My dog."

"Oh, so no girlfriend then, huh?" she cooed as she arched her back a little, peerin' at me over her shoulder.

I didn't wanna talk about my personal life with some random skank with her generic tattoo and bleach blonde hair so I just ignored the question and went back to work to get her done and off my table as soon as possible. It was gonna take a whole bottle of bleach to make it feel clean again once she left.

Lexi stood, hands clasped together and eyes pleadin' up at me as she whined, "Please? Come on, Brandon. It'll be fun! I'll even buy your drinks. And Siggy can pretend to be your boyfriend so random douchebags don't hit on you."

"Eww," White Trash Barbie scrunched her nose up at Lexi, "That's disgusting. Why would he want to go to a gay bar?"

Lexi rolled her eyes as she walked over to my mirror and grabbed the picture of Brady before shoving it in her face, "'Cause this is his ex-boyfriend that he's still really hung up on."

"Oh my God, you're a queer?" the bitch looked up at me, mouth open in shock and I fought the urge to dig the needle in a little harder than I really needed to.

"That's none of your business. Lexi, put my picture back."

"Fine," she huffed as she stuck the picture back to the mirror and stormed out, "but this ain't over."

With a heavy sigh, I went back to work on the whore mumblin' underneath her breath that I didn't look like a gay. I seriously considered colorin' in that god damn playboy bunny in all the colors of a rainbow. I didn't, though I might have dug a little deep once or twice but I still showed great mother fuckin' restraint. Bitch is fuckin' lucky I'm a professional.

:

Groanin', I tossed the paintbrush in the trash and huffed under my breath, "God damn, stupid weak ass brushes."

Paintin' was hard as shit when I was mad. Drawin' is easy; diggin' the pencil into the paper and etchin' out my anger on the paper underneath. But paintin' was a whole different ballgame. When I tried to dig the brush into the canvas, it either broke or just fucked the bristles all up till it was useless.

When I said as much to the Doc when she first suggested this bullshit, she just smirked and said that was the point. That with paintin' I had to take deep breaths, use soft strokes and focus more on what I wanted to put onto the canvas.

With drawin', I just dug and worked mindlessly. Paintin' was a lot harder 'cause I had to try and calm myself down to do it.

My phone buzzed and I yanked it outta my pocket to see a text from Eddie.

_If you never fall, you never learn how to pick yourself back up :)_

I huffed a small smile then took a deep breath. Grabbin' another brush, I looked at the canvas and just focused. I was tryin' to paint somethin' soft and nice but I just wasn't feelin' it. So I dipped my brush in the black paint and just covered all that shit up. Then I flipped the brush around and started diggin' the tip of the handle into the blackness, sketchin' somethin' out instead.

:

I stared at that wall with the bucket of black paint in my hand, brush drippin' as my fingers twitched around the handle. I wanted to cover all that shit up. All that shit Brady drew. The fuckin' willow tree and little monsters against a rainbow backdrop. It was all bullshit. I wasn't strong like a fuckin' willow tree 'cause my branches were crackin' painfully and fixin' to snap the fuck off. And I didn't have my little monster by my side, I was alone. There weren't no rainbows in my future, no bright colors or warm hues, just cold empty blackness like the shit drippin' from my paintbrush.

But then my eyes drifted down to the tiny little hand prints and wonky lookin' dinosaurs. Diggin' my teeth into my bottom lip, I dropped the brush and fell forward. Pressin' my forehead against the wall, my curled up fists came loose as my fingers splayed out over the bright colors. Tears stung my eyes as I fought the urge to hit that god damn wall for tauntin' me with memories I didn't wanna have.

Only I really did. Closin' my eyes, I let the tears spill over, runnin' down my face against the surface. God, I missed Brady. Even after five months I missed him so god damn much that it hurt to breathe sometimes. I missed all of them. I didn't wanna be here no more. I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to hang out with Jeremiah and have water gun fights with JJ. I wanted to watch Disney movies with Suzie and see the way Jay looked at Eddie and the way Eddie looked right back at him. I wanted to be there for Christmas dinner and watch Esme and Carlisle beam as they looked at the family they made. I just wanted to _really_ be a part of that family.

But I wasn't. Not really.

Openin' my eyes, I turned my face to the ceilin' and they fell on the scribbled phone numbers etched all along the wall. Before I knew what I was doin', I was sittin' on the floor, had my back against the wall and phone clutched tight to my ear as I whispered, "Just talk to me. Don't care 'bout what. Just...keep talkin'."

Carlisle chuckled into the phone, "Let me tell you about the time I was 17 and had just begun dating Esme. She had four older brothers but they actually kind of liked me so one night they took me bowling. They got me plastered to officially welcome me to the family..."

About an hour later, I was throwin' that can of black paint away in the dumpster behind the buildin'.

:

"Yo, Carlos!" I hollered up at his window. It was about ten o'clock on a Saturday night and after stoppin' by Angel's grave to put some flowers I actually bought and not stole on his grave, I decided to check in on Carlos. I hadn't talked to him since I moved to Houston almost a year ago but he lived in the same piece of shit house for the last twenty years so I figured he'd still be here.

A minute later he popped his head out the second story window with a big goofy grin, "B? Is that you?"

"In the flesh, mother fucker. C'mon, you wanna get outta here for awhile?"

Soon we were sittin' in a strip club as I directed all the women to his lap and sipped my Coke. I ain't never seen that boy smile so much in his god damn life.

On the way back to his house a few hours later, he was still grinnin' as he held his head out the window of my truck and howled, "I touched boobs!"

I grinned, lightin' up a square as I chuckled, "You're a silly mother fucker, man."

He pulled his head back in, hair all windblown and crazy with flushed cheeks as he smiled, "My mom's gonna kill me but at least I got to touch boobs before I die."

"Hey, it's the little things, man."

"Little. Big. It don't matter, B. Tits are awesome. This was the best night I ever had in my whole life."

Boobs didn't do shit for me. But it had been a really good night for me to.

:

"What'll it be?"

I didn't even have it in me to roll my eyes as I looked at the old man, "The fuck you think, Jack?"

Jack was the asshole bartender and constant pain in my ass. He never actually told me his name, I just kept hearin' the waitress say it and it took me a few months to figure out she was talkin' to him and not talkin' 'bout Jack Daniels. I wouldn't even come to this place if it wasn't so god damn close to my apartment and empty as a fuckin' wasteland. I swear, you could see tumbleweeds rollin' through this mother fucker at any given time.

It could've been 'cause it was a hole in the wall but I figured it was 'cause Jack was even worse at customer service than me and Brady combined.

I slammed back the shot and took a drink from my beer before lightin' up a square and pullin' out my phone.

Scrollin' through pictures, I took a deep drag and slowly exhaled. Sig had taught me how to stalk on FaceBook so I found myself clickin' on Brady's profile.

His smilin' face is starin' at me and for just a second I smile back on instinct. But soon it turns into a heavy sigh as I rub my thumb across his face and my heart aches.

He's so god damn pretty. How I ever got that boy, I'll never know. How I'll ever get over him, I don't think I ever will.

There's a picture of him and Suzie with a bunch of drag queens that strangely resemble 80's pop stars and I chuckle for a second until I zoom in closer and see the strained smile on his face as he glances sideways at the one dressed like Dolly Parton.

Slowly, I drag my thumb over my arm, tracin' 'Sail away with me, to another world...'

Fuck, I miss him.

Poppin' open my contacts, my thumb hovers over the 'call' button to his name and my heart pounds against my ribcage as I try to talk myself down.

"Don't do it, Kid."

My eyes snap up and I close my phone, shovin' it in my pocket as I grunt, "Mind your business, old man."

He threw his towel over his shoulder as he harrumphed, "Fine. Don't listen to me. What would I know about life anyway, huh? I mean, I've only lived 62 years, fought in a war, earned a Purple Heart but what the fuck would I know..."

Jack continued to grumble as I rolled my eyes and fiddled with the beer bottle label with a sigh, "Just 'cause you seen shit, don't mean you know shit 'bout me."

The old man held a finger out at me, once again, as he sneered, "You know what your problem is, Kid?"

I managed a smartass smile as I looked up at him, "Yeah. Nosy ass bartenders that think they know everythin'."

"Little snot-nosed punk," he pursed his lips together as he glared daggers at me, "Your problem is you think the world owes you somethin'. You think just because you had a rough upbringin' that it justifies you bein' an asshole. Well guess what, Big Shot, the world don't owe you shit. Most people got fucked up lives. That's just how it is. Men ain't born, they're made. You're so stuck in that god damn whiny little brat stage that you can't grow the fuck up and be a man."

"Man, fuck you. I'm more of a fuckin' man than you'll ever be," I gritted my teeth, hands curlin' into fists as I tried my best to keep from knockin' his fuckin' dentures out.

The old bastard snorted as he wiped down the counter, "A man is made by actions, not words. And I ain't seen you do shit but sit in here every other day sulkin' like a god damn baby. You wanna be a man, Kid? Then act like one."

I wanted to hit him. I wanted to so god damn bad that my fists ached but I didn't. I just threw some money on the counter and stormed off. Kinda like a child throwin' a temper tantrum but at least I didn't hit him.

:

"Okay, Uncle B, you got your glass of water?"

I took a sip and set it on my nightstand as I smiled at the little blue-eyed boy who reminded me so much of his daddy I could barely take it. Noddin' at the screen on my laptop, I chuckled, "Got it."

He nodded back, blond curls bouncin' as he looked bright-eyed right at me, "Okay, now you got Steve?"

Curlin' up on my pillow that, sadly, didn't smell at all like cocoa butter no more, I tucked the big stuffed bullfrog under my arm, "Yep. Steve's here."

"Dat blankie, Uncle B?" Em J's big brown eyes gazed at the small blue blanket he had given me when they first visited.

It was draped over Steve.

"Got it, Em J. Thank, buddy."

He beamed as he yammered on 'bout somethin' I couldn't understand and JJ grinned, "Okay, so my daddy said you was havin' trouble sleepin' so I'm gonna tell you a story 'cause it always helps me sleep. Ya ready, Uncle B?"

I grinned so wide my cheeks hurt as I snuggled into my pillow, "Ready, JJ."

"Okay, so once upon a time there was this big scary dragon..."

Em J made growlin' noises as he bounced next to JJ, beamin' at his best friend completely enraptured as JJ told a tale of a scary dragon that wasn't so scary after all. Turned out, he just had a sore throat and was cranky. So when the brave and handsome knight figured it out and brought him some ice cream, they became best friends.

That night when I fell asleep, I dreamed of havin' ice cream with Brady...or more honestly, of lickin' it off his warm skin under the hot sun.

:

It wasn't a surprise when my petition to move my parole to Washington got denied again. Pissed me right the fuck off though.

Downin' my fourth shot of the night, my hands shook as I stubbed my cigarette out and promptly lit up another one. My nerves were on edge, like little jolts of electricity pricklin' underneath my skin as I dug my phone outta my pocket and flipped it open to the pictures.

I was already agitated as fuck and for some god damn reason the bar had people in it tonight blarin' their music and generally annoyin' the fuckin' shit outta me.

Takin' a long pull from my beer, I popped open FaceBook to cyberstalk my boy a little and I bristled when I saw the newest post. It was a picture of him all dolled up, dark jeans painted on tight little thighs, cream colored shirt half unbuttoned revealin' caramel skin underneath, bloodshot eyes, and mussed silky black hair. His cheeks were flushed as he cast a drunken grin over his shoulder at the camera. That little bubble of an ass was almost hangin' out of those painted on jeans.

And underneath it, the caption read, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard."

I had no doubt that it did. Even if he had lost a little weight and was a little too skinny, that boy's ass was a mother fuckin' work of art.

Not gonna lie, I was jealous as fuck.

"Fuckin' homo."

My eyes snapped up to see one of the assholes in the bar walkin' by with a sneer and it took just a second before I was shovin' my chair back and slammed the dick's face into the bar, hands grippin' the back of his head as I snarled.

"Say somethin' now, bitch."

Soon there were two other guys yankin' me back and I couldn't stop myself as a threw a punch, knockin' one of them to the ground and steppin' to the other, growlin' in his face, "You want some, mother fucker?"

He threw his hands up in retreat and backed up, "Nah, man."

"Get the fuck out!" Jack waddled over, finger pointed at me as the guy who started it shuffled away from the counter and tried to help his buddy still lyin' on the ground up to his feet.

I huffed as I threw some money on the counter and snatched my phone, "Fuckin' bullshi-"

"Now, 'fore I call the fuckin' cops, Kid!"

Grabbin' my beer, I drained it real fast before slammin' the bottle to the ground watchin' it shatter as I walked out with a final, "Fuck you."

:

Two weeks later, I found myself back at the god damn bar. I hated Jack. He was a dick but I found out later that the guys _had_ actually called the cops and the old bastard didn't tell them that I lived across the street. So, begrudgingly, I swallowed my pride and walked back in one afternoon.

Jack looked up, narrowed his eyes but didn't say shit when I threw down some money mumblin', "Sorry 'bout..."

Draggin' a hand through my hair, I sighed, "All that shit. And sorry 'bout makin' a mess."

Then I walked out.

:

"I was pissed at first, Cuz. Brady's one of my best friends and you hurt him bad. But then...I don't know. I talked to Jeremiah and Suzie, talked to Eddie...and then I just felt kinda bad for you."

I looked over at Jay as he leaned back in the passenger's seat of my truck. Him and Jeremiah had come down for the weekend and I picked them up from the airport. I was surprised Jay had come. We hadn't talked much in the last six months since I broke up with Brady and I thought he might never come see me again.

"Why?" I questioned 'cause there wasn't no reason to feel bad for me; I was the asshole in this situation.

He sighed, rakin' a hand through his hair as he leaned forward and turned down the radio, "'Cause I know you love him. And I know how much it hurts to be apart from the man you love. It hurts like Hell and I hate that you're goin' through this. That's why I been avoidin' you, not 'cause I'm still pissed but just 'cause I feel sad as fuck for you, man, and I didn't know how to deal with that. Sorry 'bout bein' a dick. I love you, Cuz. I'm gon' be here for you from now on. We're family and I got you."

That made some of the tension drain outta my shoulders as I offered a weak but grateful smile, "Thanks, Cuz."

He gave a small smile back and Jeremiah chuckled, "Ya'll wanna hug it out?"

Jay and I both laughed and said at the same time, "Shut the fuck up."

Then we turned and laughed at each other.

:

Jeremiah was passed out in the cab of the truck and me and Jay was sittin' in the grass by the lake, smokin' our squares and starin' up at the stars.

"I don't know, Jay. Sometimes I just get so worked up it feels like I'm gonna bust right outta my skin, ya know? Like the fuckin' Hulk or some shit."

He nodded, curls hangin' over his eyes as he took a drag, "Yeah, I know. Still happens to me sometimes too but I been doin' good. Ain't got in no fights in a long time. You know what helps me?"

"What?"

"This," he grinned, full dimples as he shuffled to his feet and sauntered over to the truck.

"What are you doin'?" I asked, turnin' my head to see him grabbin' a CD from his bag.

He popped it in and turned up the music before leavin' the door open and ploppin' down in the grass next to me again.

"The fuck is this?"

The sounds of piano filtered through the warm, night air as he took another drag, arms hangin' over his knees as he smiled softly and looked up at the midnight sky, "This is Eddie. He's incredible on piano. When I was a kid and first heard he could play, I was skeptical. I remember askin' him if he would play for me sometime and thinkin' in my head that I'd have to try and be nice when he did 'cause I wasn't into that shit at all. If it wasn't shit I knew, old rock or rap or whatever, that I wasn't gonna like it. But then he did play for me one night and man...I ain't ever heard anythin' so fuckin' beautiful in my life. And seein' him play, that's like fuckin' Heaven, Cuz."

Then he looked over at me, serious expression on his face as he spoke, "I fought it at first, tried to pretend like it didn't move me, 'cause it wasn't _me_, ya know? I'm just a good ol' boy, I got no business listenin' to classical music like I'm somethin' I'm not. But then I couldn't fight it no more. It _does_ move me. It touches me somewhere deep and even more so when it's Eddie playin'. This is all Eddie, by the way. He made this for you in our livin' room. Just close your eyes and listen, man."

That was actually really sweet of Eddie to think of me like that.

So, I mimicked him, layin' back in the grass with my arms behind my head and closed my eyes. It was weird at first 'cause I felt like I shouldn't like it, but the more I listened, the more the sounds haunted me. And I felt all the weight drainin' as I melted into the soft ground beneath me, my lungs filled with air as I breathed in deep, tears pricklin' at my eyelids.

"Beautiful, huh?" his raspy voice filtered through the air, soft and breathless.

Wipin' my eyes real quick, I breathed out, "Yeah. It's...I ain't ever heard nothin' like it."

I opened my eyes to see his starin' back, "The thing is, boys like us grow up our whole lives thinkin' we gotta be what everyone expects us to be. We gotta like what we're _supposed_ to like, do the things we're _supposed_ to do. But wantin' Eddie the way I did, man, it changed my whole outlook on who I really am...who I wanna be. That's when I thought, fuck it. I'm gonna like what I like, be who I want and not what everyone expects me to be. I come home from work or school and havin' a bad day? Man, all I gotta do is curl up behind Eddie on his piano bench, lay my head on his shoulder and say 'Play for me, baby boy.' And he does. It's like every bad thought in my head just melts away into somethin' kinda beautiful, ya feel me?"

I couldn't stop my lips from curlin' into a small smile at the way he talked about Eddie.

"Yeah. I feel ya, Jay."

He smiled back then turned more serious as he spoke, "It's not about changin' who you are. It's about bein' strong enough and comfortable enough in your own skin to be who you _really_ are deep down inside. Now, I roll through my hood blarin' this shit and don't give a fuck 'bout the strange looks I get. Fuck it, man. If you open yourself up to new things in life, life might surprise you, Cuz. It sure as fuck surprised the shit outta me."

Grinnin' at my little cousin, I was proud as fuck of the man he was, "How'd you get so smart, young'un?"

He grinned, full blown dimples as he laid back and closed his eyes again, "I've always been a smart mother fucker, man. I'm just not scared of it anymore."

Closin' my eyes, I took a deep breath and melted back into the grass, lettin' the pretty music wash over me like a cleansin' rain.

:

"This sucks."

Lexi huffed as she went about arrangin' the different piercing jewelry underneath the counter. I continued workin' on my sketch for the piece I had to do this afternoon and Sig looked up from his book, "I'll go with you, Lex."

Lexi's girlfriend had broken up with her a couple of days ago and she was bitchin' and moanin' 'bout some play she had tickets to and that she didn't wanna go by herself.

"You sure, Siggy? I mean, it's Rent."

He rolled his eyes, lookin' back down at his book and jottin' some notes, "I know what it is. A musical about a bunch of starving artists and shit, very homo-friendly. It's not like I have a problem with gay people, Lex. I work here, don't I? It's like being surrounded by the Rainbow Brigade up in this mother fucker."

I snorted and kept about my drawin' as Lexi laughed, "True. I mean, you do go to the gay clubs with me. Would it offend you if I called you my fag hag?"

Sig chuckled, "Would it offend you if I said I only go to watch you grind on other chicks?"

I snorted again as Lexi thought for a moment then retorted, "Nope."

Then she spoke quietly, "Thanks, Siggy. I really didn't wanna go to this show by myself and I really wanna see it."

"S'no, problem, Lex. I like hanging out with you even when you're not grinding on hot chicks 'cause I'm your _friend_."

He emphasized the word friend and I raised my eyes to see him lookin' at me with a raised brow.

Huffin' a little bit, I thought about what Jay said and I mean, I secretly liked Disney musicals so maybe I would like some shit like that. I'd never know if I didn't experience it and I had been bein' kind of a dick to them, always refusin' when they invited me places.

Shadin' in the lines of my piece, I sighed, "I'll go. Can I still get a ticket?"

Her head snapped up, green eyes wide as she squealed, "Oh my God, for real?"

I shrugged, mumblin', "Yeah."

The next second she was on me, arms around my neck as she kissed my cheek, "You're the best! I'll get online right now and get you a ticket!"

I chuckled, cheeks burnin' as she let go and flew to her laptop. Siggy grumbled, "I didn't get a kiss. That's not fair, you don't even want girl lips on you."

Smudgin' in some of the shadows of my drawin', I shrugged, "Life ain't always fair, man."

"Psh, tell me about it. I mean, you look like that and you're gay. And I look like this and I'm straight. Girls don't like short, skinny, and pale, man. They like big, buff and tan."

I looked up at him, grin on my face as I batted my lashes, "You think I'm buff?"

He scowled, turnin' back to his book but he chuckled, "I so hate you, dude."

But he didn't really hate me at all because he was my friend. And a pretty damn good one at that. It was time I started bein' a better one.

:

Rent was gut-wrenching. I might've threatened to kick the shit outta Sig for guiltin' me into goin' to see it but as I wiped my eyes at the final curtain call, I found that I was really...kinda moved by the whole thing. As hard as it was to watch the story of the boy, er, girl named Angel, it was strangely upliftin' too. And it made me think about Angel but mostly I just thought about Brady. I thought about how much he'd like it and how he'd sob his little eyes out when Angel died and Collins was singin' "I'll Cover You," to him.

And I thought about the whole theme of the story, livin' your life for today 'cause who knows about tomorrow. And I thought about Angel again and how sad it is that he died never gettin' to experience these crazy little things that really, are kinda what life is all about. I was sad he missed so much livin'.

I didn't wanna miss out on it no more.

On the way home I blared the CD Eddie had made me and was kinda surprised when Lex and Sig didn't give me shit about it.

But Sig did grumble about bein' hungry so we decided to stop off and eat and I don't know if it was fate or just the luck of the draw that we ended up sittin' in that diner where Melitta worked. But when I saw her, I was up and walkin' over to her.

"Hey."

She looked up from where she was wipin' a table down and a hesitant smile came to her face as she whispered, "Hey."

I had never went to that Gay Youth club thing she had asked me to come to and I hadn't spoken to her since the barbecue which seemed like so long ago.

Tuckin' my hair behind my ear, I shoved my hands in my pockets and rolled on the balls of my feet, nervous as shit.

"So, uh...I'm sorry for not stoppin' by. I've been...I don't know, goin' through some shit. I'd like to, if the offer still stands. I mean, I really don't wanna talk on the phone or nothin' but I could do other shit maybe?"

She broke into a genuine grin this time, eyes warm that reminded me so much of her brother, "Yeah? That'd be nice, Brandon. I could use somebody to help paint? It'll take a week or two for us to save up the money for the gallons we'll need but - "

"I'll buy 'em. I make decent money. I'd like to help."

Nodding, she bounced on her toes a little as she smiled, "Really? That would be wonderful! Thank you."

Nodding back, I glanced back at Sig and Lexi who were peekin' over their menus at me.

"You wanna meet my friends?"

Melitta almost squealed as I walked her over and introduced her.

"Oh, is he your new boyfriend? He's cute," she whispered to me as she set down my plate.

My eyes got big as I looked over at Sig, "Who him? Hell no he ain't my boyfriend. No offense, Sig."

Sig just rolled his eyes and picked at his fries, "I'm used to it, man. No worries." Then his eyes snapped up to Melitta, wide and shocked as he spoke, "Wait, did you just call me cute?"

She giggled, raisin' an eyebrow as she sauntered away, "Maybe."

He called out, "I'm completely, one-hundred percent heterosexual by the way! Just in case you were

wondering!"

She laughed and shook her head as she disappeared into the back and Lex smiled, "Way to play it cool, Siggy."

But then my thoughts caught up with me and I wondered why the Hell she assumed I had a new boyfriend.

:

I groaned, eyes squeezed shut, hands dug into soft hair as I came deep down some little brunette guy's throat in the back of the club. I hadn't meant for this to happen but it had been damn near eight months since I had been with Brady and I couldn't take that shit no more. So when some random little fucker offered to suck my dick, I just let him.

And it felt great to cum by somethin' other than my own hand.

Well, it felt great for about two seconds until I opened my eyes to see unfamiliar, hazel ones starin' back up at me. Then my stomach twisted, guilt knottin' me up as I shoved my dick back in my jeans and took off without a fuckin' word.

I threw up in the alley behind the club then started walkin' home. I felt like such a fuckin' asshole.

I was never gonna get over Brady. But he seemed to be doin' a little better. He was aces by the end of the semester and his scholarship was still good as he started his Junior Year. And from my FaceBook stalking, he was lookin' better. Dressin' more like his old self but I don't know...somethin' in his eyes still looked off.

Fuck, I missed the shit outta him.

On the way home, I stopped in some crappy little convenient store and bought a bottle of cocoa butter lotion. And I started using that shit to jerk off. I was so fuckin' pathetic.

:

I hadn't been back to therapy since I stormed out months ago. Dr. Lorenzo called a few times but I never answered and never returned her call. So I wasn't exactly sure why I ended up sittin' in the parkin' lot outside her buildin' one evenin'. And when she walked up, fixin' to get in her car and leave, I wasn't sure what to say.

She smiled softly, "How you doing, honey?"

I shrugged, hands shoved in my pockets as I grumbled, "I don't know. Good days, bad days."

The old woman nodded, opening her car door and I found myself shovin' forward, "It feels like I take one step forward and two steps back. I don't even know why I'm here. I don't know if I can be fixed."

She chuckled, reachin' into her bag and pullin' out a notebook, "You're not broken, Brandon. It's like a scar. You're hurt, not broken. You need to heal, that's all."

"What do you mean?" I asked lookin' down at her.

Flippin' open the notebook, she took a pen and dug the word SCAR into the paper then handed it to me.

"Wounds heal in layers. Slowly over time, an open wound begins to heal with each new layer of skin. But sometimes, we pick at it till it's opened up and bleeding again so the healing process has to start all over. If we can go long enough without pricking it back open, the layers begin to cover it again. So, little by little, we see the wound fade. Sometimes it still leaves a faint scar, but sometimes it heals completely."

I was still a little confused when she smiled, "Run your fingers over the words. Do you feel the jagged lines in the paper?"

I did as she said and nodded at the indents and creases of where the pen dug in.

"Good. Now turn the page and do it again."

I flipped to the next page and repeated the action. I could still feel the little indents and creases but not as much.

"Next page."

This went on for about seven pages until I couldn't feel anythin' but smooth, unblemished surface as I dragged my fingers across it.

She smiled, "See. Every new layer and the less you see it, the less you feel it. You need to add layers to your life, honey."

I kind of understood that. I mean, I think I had been doin' that for awhile now, just always seem to pick and pull at the mother fuckin' scabs till I prick them back open and they bleed again. But I was healin'.

I gave her a small smile as I handed the notebook back, "Thanks, Doc."

Throwing it in her front seat, she nodded, "Anytime, dear."

Clearin' my throat and tuckin' my hair behind my ear, I rasped, "Could we keep Wednesday's at 4:00?"

Patting my arm, she nodded again before duckin' into her car with a chuckle, "The Force is strong in you, young padewan. We might pull you over from the Dark Side just yet."

I chuckled, tappin' the hood of her car with a grin before I left.


	31. Chapter 31

_Wow, I bet ya'll are surprised to see me! *laughs nervously* So yeah it's been awhile. I apologize. Contrary to the haters, I didn't take so long to update because of the flaming reviews because honestly I don't give a crap about that. I've just been going through a shit-ton of personal crap lately. I am very sorry for the wait and will swear to TRY very hard to never, ever go that long again without updating. I missed these boys. Hope you guys are still here. And a big, big thanks to Nan for whom this chapter would have never been finished lol. You rock, girl._

_EDIT: This is to Jade who left a couple comments about my use of the word 'tranny'. You are absolutely right. It was wrong of me to use that word. I meant no disrespect having a transgender friend who uses that word all the time just not in a derogatory manner. I didn't use it in a derogatory manner either but I still should not have used it. I apologize if I offended anyone and hope this sheds some light on a word that could hurt people. It was not my intention to hurt anyone. Jade, when you review as a guest it doesn't show up right away and I have no way of replying. I don't delete reviews because people are always entitled to their opinions. I hope you see this and accept my apology. I am truly very sorry._

_Song: Tove Lo "Habits" (Stay High)_

**Brady's POV**

What. The fuck. Just. Happened?

Seriously. _Whatthefuckjusthappened_? He broke up with me. He really broke it off. All I could think of was that he didn't show up at the airport. I kept holding onto these stupid little fantasies that he would come running in right as I was going through the gates and he'd yell out that he loves me and he's sorry and that it was all a mistake...I'd run back and fling myself into his strong arms and he'd kiss me...and it would be like all those stupid movies. It would be romantic and magical and..._not_ _at_ _all_ _real_.

God, why did I do this? Why did I have to think of real life like it was some stupid chick flick? It isn't. Not at all. Real life is cruel and brutal and _fucked up_.

They don't come running back with grand declarations of love...there's no perfect song playing and no camera panning out around you so everyone can watch and be jealous of this beautiful perfect moment you're having.

It's all bullshit.

Oh my God, I'm _ridiculous_. It's no wonder he dumped me.

Fuck. He _dumped_ me.

But I thought…_God_, I really thought he loved me. I really thought we had something special. Epic even. I thought we'd somehow beat the odds and be one of those adorable old people couples that still make googly eyes at each other even after 40 years of being together.

What did I do wrong? Why wasn't I enough? Why doesn't he love me?

Did he _ever_ really love me?

Fuck, why wouldn't he just call me?

Maybe I shouldjust call him.

No, Brady. Be strong. He doesn't want you anymore. Don't be so pathetic.

But _fuck, _why did it have to hurt _so_ bad?

Because it always feels like this. Every time my parents looked at me with disgust and embarrassment; every time the boys at school called me names or shoved me; every time my friends looked at me with pity, or people would snicker when I walked by.

The few friends I had growing up disappeared before Junior High and even my own cousin, Jacob, had to be forced to include me in things. And by _include_ I mean he'd drive me to wherever he was going and then ditch me.

When my parents threw me out, I carried a duffle bag stuffed with my clothes around as I wandered from pillar to post, not knowing where I'd wake up tomorrow. I had no money, no family, no home. Hell, I didn't even have my shoes on the night my dad said goodbye by punching me in the face. I wasn't sure if my friends would even try to help me. I cried myself to sleep curled up on Uncle Billy's couch and Emmett's floor and Suzie's bed and the Cullen's guest room.

But even after all my friends have done for me since then, there's still this little voice inside me, a tiny little part that feels like it can fall apart at any moment. I've never truly felt settled. No place has ever really felt like a home to me.

But Brandon felt like _home_. Like it could be totally natural to come home from work and see him here in his basketball shorts sitting on the couch watching Lock Up or sports. Like I could cuddle with him just chillin' until bed time when we'd fuck like our lives depended on it.

Now I just feel stupid and delusional and the worst part is, if I was wrong about Brandon, could I be wrong about everyone else too? Would they eventually eighty-six me from their lives? They wouldn't be as cruel as Brandon, sure, but things had already started changing.

_Everything_ can fall apart. Nothing is permanent.

I mean, in high school we hung together every weekend. But now everyone is busy all the time with work and school and families. Sometimes Eddie and Jay stayed in on a Saturday night instead of hanging out like we used to. They all had family time within their own little units, except Suzie but she spent her weekends working crazy hours.

Brandon used to occupy a lot of my time. So much time, in fact, that I hardly noticed the way we've all been drifting apart.

But now he's gone and I'm gonna be alone a lot. Again.

I really hate being alone.

.

.

Suzie had curled up in bed with me, stroking my hair while I cried and then sniffled miserably until eventually I just went blank. I guess I was in shock. I just wanted to sleep so that I could wake up and see that this was all just a bad dream.

But I wasn't Dorothy and this wasn't Oz. This was real and I had no choice but to deal with it.

I just wasn't sure how to do that. How do you get over a broken heart? How do you get over losing your best friend? Because I didn't just lose a boyfriend, I lost the one person who made me feel like a man. Sort of.

Eventually Suzie fell asleep and I wiggled my way out of her death grip, unable to sleep for all the thoughts whirling through my mind.

Walking to my mirror, my hand reached out to shakily pluck one of the pictures off. It was one Edward had taken that first week in Texas. I was straddling Brandon's lap and his hand was brushing my hair back, beautiful grin on his face as he looked up at me. You couldn't see my face because it was covered by his huge hand but God, the way he was looking at me...

How can he look at me like that and not love me? It wasn't fair. He looked at me like I was the fucking sun and now he was just done with me?

My heart started racing and I had to drop the picture as my hands clenched into fists. I gasped, choking a sob as fire coursed through me. I was so angry. I was so fucking angry I wanted to scream and hit things.

I couldn't, though. I didn't want Suzie to wake up and try to comfort me. I needed to just feel this. I needed to _not_ be comforted; I needed to deal with it myself. I was embarrassed and angry and so _fucking_ hurt.

With trembling hands, I slid my drawer open and pulled out one of Brandon's hoodies I had confiscated months ago. Cradling it to my chest, I slipped outside my room and out onto the back porch. Crumbling on the steps, I buried my face in the soft material so it would muffle my screams. I stomped my feet against the pavement and clenched the fabric between my fingers as I screamed and sobbed and screamed some more.

The sound of whining and big clumsy paws scratching at the screen door behind me got my attention and I peeked over my shoulder to see Sparty going nuts trying to get to me.

Sniffling, I stretched up and pulled open the door. He came barreling into me, tongue all over my face and tail beating the crap out of me but for just a moment, I smiled.

Then I wrapped my arms around him and sighed as he finally started calming down, settling heavy against my side. I leaned into him, burying my face in his furry neck as I held on tight and whispered, "Don't ever fall in love, boy. Spend the rest of your life sniffing asses and humping my fuzzy rainbow slippers."

He whined against my cheek, probably because of my death grip but maybe he felt my pain. Dogs are intuitive like that.

I let him loose, pulling away with a sniffle, running one hand down his soft back while the other wiped my stupid wet eyes. Looking up at the moon, I idly pet my dog as I wondered if _he_ was looking at this same moon.

For a long time I just sat, thinking about how it had only been eight months since the day I met him. It had been the best eight months of my life, despite the last couple of months when everything started falling apart. But it was _so_ good in the beginning. I wanted to regret going to Texas; wanted to regret meeting the beautiful train wreck that is Brandon Whitlock. But I couldn't bring myself to regret knowing him. Because underneath the wreckage was such a beautiful boy.

God, I'm so stupid. Did I really think helping him find a new job and painting a fucking rainbow on his wall was going to fix him? I _did_. I really thought that.

I'm too embarrassed to even breathe.

He didn't even _want_ to have a relationship with me. He told me over and over in the beginning that we should just be friends so he could work on himself, but I didn't listen. I just kept pushing and pushing and...oh my God, he never even wanted this thing with me. And these last few months I just wouldn't take the fucking hint. He told me we needed to talk about this just a few weeks ago, but I _literally_ told him to pretend things were okay because of my birthday.

He hasn't wanted me in months. Maybe never, really. Maybe the sex was what he wanted. Maybe he just needed to get comfortable with the whole idea of being gay, and it was easier to use me because I wasn't around all the time. Maybe this whole stupid thing was just something I made up in my head because I wanted it so bad.

Maybe he never loved me at all.

The next morning, Suzie found me freezing and cuddled up to Sparty on the back porch. I was groggy, eyes stinging, body chilled to the bone but sometime in the middle of the night I had managed to pull on Brandon's hoodie.

I didn't have time to shower or eat before I had my first class. I really couldn't afford to miss anymore because of the looming suspension. I had to keep my scholarship. It was all I had left.

Of course, I didn't remember about the essay that was due today until lunchtime, so in a frantic rush to get it finished, I skipped lunch and holed up in the library instead. I wasn't really hungry anyway.

I managed to finish the essay just in time, though I wasn't really proud of my work. I just had to get something on paper to turn in. Hopefully it was decent enough to get me a passing grade.

I was really angry with myself for letting my academics get so bad. I wasn't super smart like Eddie or super motivated like Jay. School was really hard for me on the best of days; these last few months had been unbearable.

All my focus, all my concentration was sucked out into the Brandon vortex and that left very little time to actually do my schoolwork. I swear, if I passed, I would never let a man distract me so badly from school. This was my whole future and unless I wanted to end up being a night manager at Denny's in my middle age, I had to take this seriously.

It didn't help that Suzie had seen the damn email too and threatened to kick the shit out of me if I didn't get my ass in gear and do better with school.

And she was right. But it was just so hard.

Days passed and I just couldn't do anything but sit and dwell on what went wrong so I could fix it. I couldn't eat. Slept way too much. It was torture to get out of bed and go to school and work but I had no choice. Me and Suzie couldn't make it on our own if I didn't help.

But it was bad. I couldn't look in the mirror anymore. I couldn't stand the boy looking back at me. I didn't feel like fixing my hair or picking out nice clothes. I practically lived in sweats and Brandon's hoodie. And I couldn't bring myself to give a damn when I heard people whispering about me. Not even my friends. I knew they were worried but I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't bounce around like everything was kittens and unicorns. It wasn't. It just hurt.

It was hour after hour of checking my stupid phone for a text that would never come. It was minute after minute of berating myself for coming _so_ close to breaking down and calling him. It was second after second of trying to keep breathing as I realized he _wasn't_ going to call me. Like _ever_. Like it was really over.

But I wasn't ready for it to be over. It couldn't really be over, right? I mean, he would call. Eventually. He had to.

If I could just quit looking at my phone. Why can't I stop looking at it? He barely spoke to me these last few months anyway. Why would he call now?

Shoving it in my pocket, I sighed as I leaned back against the seat and stared out the window. It was then that I realized my bus stop had already passed. I really needed to pay more attention.

Getting off at the next stop, I threw my backpack over my shoulder and began the walk home. It had been a week since the break-up and I still hadn't taken off the stupid hoodie. It was beginning to smell a little actually, but I still couldn't bring myself to care that much.

Those first couple of days everyone was around coddling me. Em gave me hugs, Alice and Rosie tried to take me shopping, Jay and Eddie just laid quietly with me as I sulked. Carlisle and Esme came over with huge batches of homemade chocolate chip cookies and a stack of DVD's so they could spend the whole afternoon with me. But I just...I don't know.

I loved my friends, I was grateful for them but I couldn't really hear anything they were saying. I wasn't a teenage girl nursing a crush. Cookies and hugs and movies weren't going to make this any better.

I was heartbroken. I felt betrayed.

And none of them truly understood it because they were with the ones they loved. Emmett _got_ Rose, and Alice _got_ Jeremiah, Carlisle _got_ Esme, Eddie _got_ Jay.

All I had was my left hand and porn. Surprisingly, being heartbroken didn't hinder my libido. I had masturbated more this past week than I ever did as a teenager.

Okay, maybe not _more_ but it was equivalent and that's a lot.

I guess I just wanted to feel something good but even if I got off, I still didn't _feel_ good.

Kicking a few rocks on the sidewalk, I huffed my way home and finally dragged myself inside. It was Friday night but I was so tired I really didn't feel like doing anything but going to bed. After I masturbated.

But when I opened the door, Emmett was sitting on the couch. I didn't even notice his car parked on the street. For as much as I paid attention to the world around me these days, I guess I should consider myself lucky for walking into the right house.

"Hey, man, let's go grab a burger."

I sighed, shutting the door and letting my backpack drop to the floor, "I'm not really hungry, Em."

He stood and in two long strides, he was against me, hands turning me towards the door as he smiled down at me, "Wasn't really a suggestion, little buddy."

Groaning and half-ass fighting, I whined as he practically hauled me to his car, "I don't want to. I just wanna watch porn and go to bed! I shouldn't go to a public place, I smell bad."

He just snorted as he opened the car door and pushed me inside, "Dude, we're going for burgers and beer at a dive. Everybody smells bad."

I huffed, crossing my arms and pouting as we took off.

Turning down his radio, he shot a glance at me as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, "Look, man, I get it, okay? I know you're sad but you've gotta snap outta this. He was just your _first_ boyfriend. He won't be your last."

Staring out the window, I could feel myself getting angry as I balled my fists tight underneath my arms, "That doesn't help, Em. I loved him. I _love_ him. I don't want another boyfriend. I want _him_."

"I know you do but- "

Snapping my head around, I looked at him and practically snarled, "No, you _don't_ know! Nobody knows how this feels! All of you are happy and with the ones you love! If Rosalie kicked you out of the house and never spoke to you again, how do you think that would make you feel, huh?! Quit trying to help me! You can't! None of you can help me because none of you understand what this feels like! So just leave me alone!"

Tears were burning my eyes as anger tore through me so hot it felt like I would burst into flames. I hated that I was yelling at Emmett but I couldn't stop myself. I was just so fucking angry.

A moment later, the car was pulled over to the curb and Emmett was stomping around to my side and yanking me out in a full-on bear hug. I couldn't deal with a hug right now so I shoved him away screaming at him to just leave me alone but Emmett is much stronger than I am.

Forcefully holding me against his chest, I yelled and fought but he wouldn't relent, just holding on tighter.

Eventually I became so exhausted my knees gave out as I grabbed onto his t-shirt, clenching the material with my fists. I sobbed while he just whispered, "I'm not gonna leave you alone, Brady. Not ever. Not even when you fight or scream or snot all over my shirt, smell really bad, or talk about porn. I'm _not_ gonna leave you alone. You're my little brother and I love you."

That just made me sob harder and poor Emmett had to endure my tantrum in public. But he didn't let up, not even when I heard people snickering about a lovers' quarrel.

Assholes.

After a little while, I cried myself out and with a few lingering sniffles, Emmett helped settle me down in the front seat while he crouched down in front of me.

I felt bad for yelling at him because he looked like he was on the verge of tears himself as he placed his hands on my knees and huffed, "I know you're sad. I know you're hurt. But you just can't stop living, man. You _have_ to get up and you _have_ to shower and you _have_ to eat."

Wiping my nose with the long sleeve of the hoodie, I grumbled, "I'm not hungry."

"What did you eat today? How about yesterday? Damn it, Brady, you're gonna start taking care of yourself or I swear to Christ I will start force feeding you. I'll throw you in the damn shower myself if I have to."

And out of nowhere, I snorted as I gave a half-assed smirk, "Will you scrub me too? Wash my hair?"

The stress melted from his face as he chuckled, "I've got a loofah and I'm not afraid to use it."

That actually made me chuckle a little as I rasped, "_You_ know what a loofah is?"

"Yeah, it's awesome. It gets all the dead skin off and makes my skin feel super soft and..."

I raised an eyebrow with a full-on smirk and he laughed as he stood, tousling my hair with a huff, "You're gonna be just fine, dick."

Once we were on the road again, I shifted in my seat to face him as I sighed, "I'm, um, sorry about getting snot all over you."

He just rolled his big brown eyes, "Dude, I'm a dad. I'm used to being covered in snot, pee, throw-up, poop..."

Cringing, I chuckled, "Oh my God, that sounds awful."

Flashing a dimpled grin that made my chest ache, he shook his head, "Nah. It's pretty awesome actually. Em J said I was his favorite superhero. A little shit every now and then is totally worth it."

I managed a small smile back before turning to look out the window again as I whispered, "Thanks, Em."

His voice sounded heavy as he spoke, "You don't have to thank me. I'm here for you, dude. I'm gonna start being around more."

I studied a smudge on my window and frowned, "It's okay. You're busy. You have a family now."

"You remembered my mom's birthday."

Eyes snapping over to him, I was confused, "What?"

He shrugged, drumming his fingers on the wheel again, "That summer you stayed with me. You remembered my mom's birthday and stayed with me for like, hours at her grave. You even went and picked some wildflowers for her so I could have a few minutes alone...but you stayed close by. I told her about you. About how you had practically moved in and how you were like the little brother I never had but kinda always wanted."

I dug my teeth into my bottom lip as I listened to his voice get raspier with each word.

"You've always been there for me, man. And I'm gonna be here for you. You're part of my family. That's really all I was trying to say."

My eyes burned as tears prickled my eyes, "I wish I would've had a big brother like you growing up."

Wiping at my eyes, I sniffled and he looked over at me with a small smile, "You got one now, bro."

Smiling back through my tears, I chuckled, "Good. Then you get the burgers, _bro_, 'cause I've got like twenty bucks till payday."

He laughed, reaching a big hand over to shove my shoulder gently, "I got you, man."

:

By the time Em dropped me off back home after forcing half a burger into me and stopping me at three beers, I was just exhausted so I went straight to bed...still in Brandon's hoodie.

The next morning, I groaned at the sunlight streaming in through my window. Covering my eyes with my arm, I huffed, "Go away...still sleepy..."

"Up and in the shower, Brady."

Damn it. I hadn't noticed Suzie was in the room. Eyes still closed, I grabbed my blanket and pulled it over my head as I smushed my face in my pillow and grunted, "Nuh uh...don't have to be at work till two..."

And then she was yanking the blanket away from me as I fought back to keep it but Suzie's freakishly strong for a girl.

Annoyed, I finally opened my eyes and started to protest when I realized she was butt naked, standing with her hands on her hips and my blanket crumpled at her feet.

I flailed, trying to cover my eyes and tumbling right off my bed as I gasped, "Oh my God, why are you naked in my room?! Am I dreaming?! Quick, do I work at Denny's?!"

She chuckled, her voice a mixture between amusement and delighted evil, "You've got two choices here, Buttercup. One – you get up and go hop your stankin' ass in the shower of your own free will. Or two – I wrestle ya, butt naked, force you into the shower with me and I wash your stankin' ass with my beaver just all up in your business. Make a choice, Baby Doll. Make a choice."

I growled, untangling myself from the sheet I took with me on my fall before I hopped up and stomped off to the shower grumbling, "Free will does not include threats of the vaginal kind, Suzie."

Following along behind me, I heard her little sing-song voice, "I'm not plannin' on getting dressed till you're clean and dressed nicely, hair done and teeth brushed. I love bein' nude. I could just stay like this forever."

She tried to do some fancy ballerina move around me but ended up stumbling and bouncing off the wall and I couldn't stop a chuckle as I moved past her, "Classy, Doll Face."

Huffing, she righted herself and crossed her arms across her boobs, "Psh, let's see them fancy bitches bust a move like this."

And then she broke out into the running man. Butt naked.

"Oh my God, you're insane," I outright laughed as I grabbed the towel from the hook and threw it at her. "Cover that thing up before I go blind."

Wrapping the towel around her, she sat on the closed toilet seat and grinned up at me, "Straight men would pay good money to see that show I just put on, Darlin'."

I rolled my eyes, peeling off the hoodie and tee before stripping down my jeans, "Gay men would pay good money _not_ to see you do that ever again. In fact, I've got, like, five bucks in my pocket. If I give it to you, will you go put some clothes on?"

"Nope," popping the P with a shake of her head she chuckled.

"Evil wench," I mumbled as I drew back the shower curtain and dragged myself inside.

God, the hot water felt good and for a few minutes I just stayed under the spray and let it wash over me. And then I started scrubbing myself and _that_ really felt good. I hadn't realized how nasty I really was. But at the same time, I still didn't really care.

I got out and cleaned myself up a little so she'd put some damn clothes on but I refused to fight my way into my skinny jeans. I just wasn't feeling it. So I settled on some looser jeans, one of my own hoodies, and Converse because I couldn't deal with how constricting my fancy clothes were right now.

Later at work, I had my nose in my book doing some homework to keep myself distracted when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey Brady. Are you feeling okay?"

Not looking up from my work, I sighed, "Hey Oliver. Not really."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Nope," I was really annoyed by him today for some reason. I wasn't even sure why. Maybe I was just annoyed in general.

"Can you look at me?"

I didn't, "Are you going to buy anything?"

"No."

"Then no. I'm busy. My eyes stay on this book unless you're a paying customer."

"Did I do something to make you -"

Slamming my book shut, I looked up at him and snarled, "No! You didn't do anything. Sometimes I'm just not all freakin' rainbows and sunshine, okay? Sometimes I'm just in a bad mood and wanna be left the Hell alone. So buy something or leave me alone."

His gray eyes were huge, cheeks flushed red as he held up his hands in surrender before grabbing his briefcase and taking off. I felt bad for a moment and almost called out to apologize but then I just couldn't bring myself to care that much.

Huffing a sigh, I opened my book back up and continued reading.

A moment later I heard someone clear their throat before saying, "Excuse me. I'd like to pay for my purchase please."

I exhaled through my nose, trying not to roll my eyes as I brought them up to Oliver who was holding – Mad Libs?

A smile cracked my face without my permission as my eyebrow rose in curiosity, "Really?"

His perfectly groomed stubble showcased a genuine grin as he leaned forward on one elbow and whispered, "Can I let you in on a secret?"

I was intrigued so I leaned forward just a little to hear him.

He looked around to make sure no one was looking before whispering, "Sometimes I like to sit in my office and work these. Seriously I've lost entire days to these things."

A giggle escaped me, "You're lying."

Now he was chuckling as his cheeks stained red beneath the dark stubble, "I've made my secretary reschedule meetings and everything. My coworkers think I'm very task-oriented and admire my dedication."

The laughter burst out of me, uninvited and bittersweet, but genuine.

Unable to keep the smirk from his face, he whispered, "Careful, Brady. Someone might think you're all sunshine and rainbows, though I definitely think you have a dark side lurking beneath you're charmingly shiny exterior."

Was he flirting with me?

The blood rushed to my face as I dropped my eyes back to the book and began ringing it up. What the Hell was I supposed to do?

"Um, cash or charge?"

Smooth, Brady. Real smooth.

I mentally smacked myself in the forehead and was too embarrassed to look him the eye. What the Hell was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just flirt back? I make sexual innuendos to my friends all the time!

"Brady?"

Heaving a sigh, I lifted my eyes to see his hand outstretched holding his credit card and I rubbed my sweaty palms on my khakis before reaching out for it with an apologetic smile, "Sorry. It's been a long day."

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, voice laced with concern.

I wasn't ready to say the words out loud yet. If I said 'my boyfriend dumped me' then it made it real. And I was still holding out hope Brandon would eventually call me to apologize and beg me back. I mean, it had only been a couple weeks. He could still have a change of heart and realize he couldn't live without me.

I just wished I believed that.

"Um, yeah, fine." I tore off his receipt and handed it to him when an idea struck me.

Grabbing a plain brown paper bag, I shoved his Mad Libs book inside and folded the brown paper neatly around it. Then I handed it to him with a grin.

"Now your coworkers will think you're spending your afternoons reading porn instead of your truly deviant escapades."

He chuckled, taking the bag and placing it underneath his arm as he grabbed his briefcase. Then he smirked, gray eyes low as he spoke smoothly, "That's ridiculous, Brady. That's what the internet is for."

I snorted, elegant as always.

"Take care of yourself. I'll see you later," his smirk faded into a small smile as he held up his hand to say good-bye as he walked away.

Giving a small wave back, I watched until he disappeared from sight. I was envious of his walk. It exuded confidence and sophistication. I wish I could walk like that.

:

I couldn't stop staring at my stupid phone. I couldn't stop checking Facebook even though he hadn't updated it since I started the damn thing for him months ago.

I mean, he really just totally, one-hundred-percent, cut me out of his life. No texts, no calls, no Skype, no letters…nothing. I guess that's one of the things that hurt the most because I thought, if nothing else, we would be friends.

I missed just talking to him. I mean, the majority of my time when I wasn't working or at school I spent talking to Brandon. Now I just felt lonely a lot. Sure, my friends coddled me the first week or two, but after that things went back to normal for them. They're busy with their husbands or wives or girlfriends; busy with school and jobs and kids. Even Suzie had taken an internship with an animal hospital that kept her away from the house most of the time.

Today had been a pretty typical day post-Brandon. I went to school. Spent lunch working in the art room. Worked for a few hours at the museum. Rode the bus home. Ate a whole bag of grapes because I was too lazy to make anything for dinner. Did some homework. Did some drawings. Got lost in the YouTube vortex which eventually led to porn. Masturbated and fell asleep, still covered in my own semen.

This was my life now. Day in and day out.

:::

I hated the holidays for many reasons, but mostly because holidays are supposed to be about family, and I didn't really have any. I didn't have a mom and dad. I didn't have brothers or sisters. No cousins, no aunts, no uncles or grandparents. None who would have me, anyway.

Yes, I had my friends, but it wasn't the same.

In my family, holidays were more of a nuisance than a celebration. Mom would complain about getting fat from all the desserts she had to bake and dad would bitch about money. We'd wake up early Christmas morning when I'd open my presents while dad watched TV and mom hustled in the kitchen. The minute I was done, I'd have to get dressed so we could go to grandma's house. Then at grandma's house Jacob would play a video game and _never_ let me have a turn while the adults gossiped about who was getting divorced or who got arrested for not paying child support or whatever drama was going on at that moment.

I remember when I was six and decided to sneak back to grandma's doll room. I loved that room. It was filled with porcelain dolls with pretty dresses and long, flowy hair. I was never _ever_ allowed to play in there.

So, I snuck in and crawled into her rocking chair being super-duper careful with the porcelain doll in my lap. There was a little pink plastic brush and I remember just wanting to brush her hair so bad because it was so pretty. I thought, "Grandma will be _so_ happy when she sees how pretty I made her dolly."

But grandma wasn't happy.

"_You ruined it! Her hair is destroyed now! I told you to stay out of this room! Only little girls play with dolls, child. Just you wait till I've told your father." _

She stormed out as I started crying, apologizing for ruining her hair because I didn't mean to. I just wanted to play with them.

My dad spanked me in front of everybody.

So yeah, I didn't have family traditions. I didn't have roots. Everyone else had roots, even Suzie because she had her cousins and mom, sort of. That was a real love/hate kind of thing.

Anyway, the point is that it's winter break and everyone is chillin' with their families tonight, except Suzie who's working the midnight shift interning at the animal hospital.

So I'm alone, _again_, on a Saturday night. I've been working on creating a graphic novel about Chief Retribution and his scourge on Western Civilization because I'm bored so why not. But I've been at it for hours and my hand is starting to cramp.

I take a break, setting down my pencil as I roll my neck around to work out the kinks when my phone rings.

Holy shit, it's a Texas area code.

"Hello?" I answer way too quickly without even preparing myself.

"Brady, hey, this is Melitta. Remember me? Brandon's friend?"

My heart sank as I tried not to sound too disappointed, "Oh hey, yeah, of course I remember. How are you?"

"I'm okay…"

She proceeded to tell me all about her ex-boyfriend and I listened, kind of, as I doodled on some junk sketches.

"So, Brandon never showed up at the Rec Center like he said he would. Is he doing okay?"

With a humorless laugh, I quipped, "Hell if I know."

Then I felt kind of bad so I huffed a sigh and said the words. Out loud.

"We broke up."

"Shit, I'm so sorry, Brady. I feel like an idiot for calling you out of the blue like this and then bringing up-never mind. How are you? Are you okay?"

I hesitated and almost told her the truth because she's pretty much a stranger and sometimes it's easier to admit things to people you know you'll never see again in real life. But then I thought about how close she lives to Brandon and they could eventually run into each other again. She could potentially say something to him and I couldn't stand the thought of him knowing how miserable I was. It made me feel weak and stupid.

So I went with my default, "I'm fine."

I wasn't. Not at all, actually. But I had to keep up the façade or I would crumble and blow away into nothing.

"Well, um, it's been great talking to you but I was just on my way out so can I talk to you later?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Call me anytime, Brady. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up and scrubbed my hands over my face as I focused on breathing.

I could feel the pressure, twisting and knotting my insides, eyes burning with tears as I broke.

Just crumbling face down on my desk, I buried my head in my arms and cried.

There's something so degrading, so mortifying about ugly sobbing, wallowing in your own snot and gasping uncontrollably. It makes you feel like less of a person. Like you're always the butt of some cruel joke or hushed whisper. It's embarrassing and horrifying that you've gotten this low…that you feel this gutted.

But sometimes that humiliation burns hot enough that it bubbles through the gaping wounds and it festers until it transforms into something else.

Anger.

Suddenly I exploded, wiping my desk clean, sketches and supplies crashing against the walls and floor and dresser. I jumped up and started tearing down the photographs from my mirror, ripping and crumpling them, making them feel how I feel. Then I tossed them on my now clean desk before storming to my dresser and yanking it open as I began snatching all of _his_ shirts and hoodies…and boxers.

God I'm pathetic.

Rolling my eyes at myself, I turned and threw them on the desk too. Then I pulled open my nightstand and grabbed all the stupid little trinkets that reminded me of him; the stupid letter and story he wrote, the crayon picture he drew of Lightning McQueen and Piglet with the big red B in the corner, and the various Taco Bell hot sauce packets he gave me with sayings like, "At night the sporks pick on me," and "Help! I can't tell where I am! It's dark and I can hear laughing!" and "Of all the sauce packets, why me? Why now?"

I huffed and mumbled under my breath, "Good question, Fire Sauce," as I tossed them on the desk too. Grabbing my phone, I opened it and thumbed quickly to the contact list. Hitting the edit button, I hovered my thumb over the image of Brandon for just a second before hitting the 'delete' button.

Then I was shoving my phone in my pocket while I stomped over to the wall and snatched the painting of the sailboat he gave me for my birthday. I tucked it under my arm as I scooped up all the other shit on my desk until I held it all in my arms.

A moment later I was walking through the snow-covered backyard to the trash cans behind the house. Tossing the lid to the empty metal can on the ground, I shoved all the shit inside and started dragging it away from the small garage. Once it was safely out of distance of any trees or buildings, I stormed into the garage, ripping through the small shelves to find our grilling stuff.

Plucking the can of lighter fluid and long matches from the dusty shelf, I huffed back outside to the can. I hadn't put my coat on, only shoved my feet into some boots but the cold wouldn't be an issue in just a moment.

I flipped open the cap and began squirting the lighter fluid into the can before capping the lid and setting it down on the back porch. Then I returned to the can, pulled out a matchstick, scraped it hard against the sandpaper side of the box as it lit up then tossed it in the can.

As it burst into flames, I smiled and mumbled, "Fuck you, Brandon."

An hour later I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror freshly showered and fixing my hair. I was done being sad. I was done sitting around moping. I was just done.

Tonight, I was going out. By myself. And I was going to have a fabulous fucking time.

.

.

.

Okay, so maybe I should've planned this out a little better. My super night of fun was turning out to be a super night of crap. I was a little too skinny for my skinny jeans, no club would let me in without someone to buy my way, and I only had $23 I could spend and still afford a bus back home.

My life sucked.

I had been walking around downtown Seattle for two hours and had done absolutely nothing but embarrass myself each time I got turned away from another club. I mean, come on, I've been drinking since I was sixteen, hanging out at Rosalie's place. What difference does it make that I'm still a few months away from being twenty-one? That's a stupid rule anyway. It's not like I'm a kid. I'm a man. Sorta.

Ugh, I should just give it up and head back home. I don't know why I thought I was capable of going somewhere on my own and having fun. I'm just so…_insignificant_. My own _parents_ didn't want me. I hadn't talked to Uncle Billy or Jacob since a few months after I graduated. They didn't give a shit about me. My own grandma didn't even care. I had no blood family that cared if I was alive or dead. What's that say about how little I actually matter?

I'm worthless and hopeless and I will never, ever be cool enough to pull something like this off.

Shoving my hands into my pockets, I turned toward the bus stop. Resigned that this was my life and I sucked, I slipped right back into Emo Brady mode, only this time I threw in a little self-disgust for variety.

And because such is the folly of my life, a moment later I'm face down on the pavement, knees aching as some drunken idiot plows me over.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! Are you okay, guy?"

Grumbling, I pull myself up and dust off my clothes, "It's fine. It's my fault for existing."

The guy was only a couple years older than me and just a little taller with short blond hair that sported longer, shaggy red tips in the front. He had a few colorful tattoos and his eyebrow was pierced. His skinny jeans fit just right and the meshy black top he wore underneath the red leather jacket looked crazy hot - but his boots were amazing! Black leather, mid-ankle with just a hint of heel, all the stitching in blood red.

"I _love_ your boots," I perked up at the sight of good fashion.

"Thanks! You're not going to go behind my back and say they're fugly, are you?"

Chuckling at the nod to Mean Girls, a movie I _loved_, I smiled back, "You can't sit with us!"

He burst into a fit of giggles, "I love that freaking movie. So, what are you doing right now? Are you going someplace? We should hang out! Come to the club with me!"

Holy fuckballs, Batman.

Is he saying he wants to hang out with me? Like, be friends? That would be awesome but…

"I, um, can't get in. I already tried."

Latching my arm with his, he tugged me along with a drunken chuckle, "Don't worry about it, guy. I can get you in. It's the least I can do for knocking you down. Sorry about that, I tripped. These boots are gorgeous but tricky. So, what's your name?"

"Um, Brady."

"Well, Brady, I'm Nicholas but everyone just calls me Nicky. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I noticed you're kind of down in the dumps but don't you worry, guy, I'm gonna show you a great time tonight," he giggled with a wink. His eyes looked really pretty. Wait…is he wearing mascara?

.

.

.

The club was okay. Lots of hot guys, loud music, and pretty colorful lights but since I could only afford, like, three drinks, I just wasn't feeling it.

"You're not having fun!" Nicky pouted as he pulled the sweaty mesh top away from his chest to fan himself.

"No, I am! _Totally_!" I lied. I didn't want him to think I was unappreciative that he snuck me in through the back door of the club.

Slapping the bar with a grin, he waggled his eyebrows at me as he called out, "Bartender! Two double shots of cherry bomb please!"

It was a nice gesture but I had a high tolerance and no way would a cherry bomb fuck me up, double shot or not. And I really wanted to get wasted tonight. I just wanted to dance and party and have fun and _not think anymore_. I just wanted a night off from my life. Sometimes I just wish I could be someone else for a little while.

While waiting for our shots, Nicky leaned back, elbows on the bar and grinning deviously, "I think you need to meet my friend Molly."

I furrowed my brows, glancing around. "Oh, is she here?" I hadn't seen him talking to any girls.

The bartender filled two shot glasses with cherry vodka, Red Bull, and a splash of grenadine in front of us. I reached out to grab mine when Nicky stopped me, "Not yet, guy. You need to meet Molly first. Close your eyes."

Raising an eyebrow, I erred on the side of caution but he rolled his eyes and laughed, "You are such a little sourpuss. Come here."

Then, out of nowhere, he grabbed my face and kissed me!

With tongue!

I was already in shock by the sheer suddenness of the kiss when I tasted something awful. It was bitter and nasty like black licorice but when I pulled away from the kiss Nicky was thrusting a shot to my lips.

"Swallow it down. I _know_ you're not a spitter," he joked as I took down the double shot of cherry bomb and whatever else was in my mouth.

It was disgusting and I cringed as I hacked, "What the _Hell_ was that?"

Nicky grinned and leaned to my ear, "That was Molly. Trust me, Brady. In about thirty minutes you're going to be having the time of your life."

Gritting my teeth, I seethed, "Are you kidding me right now?! You gave me ecstasy?"

He looked around and narrowed his eyes as he leaned in close and spoke in a hushed whisper, "Shh. Lower your voice. You wanted to have fun and I just gave that to you. Show a little gratitude, asshole."

I huffed, crossing my arms and sat back on the barstool to sulk.

Throwing his arm around my shoulders, he sided up to me with a sigh, "Sorry for springing it on you like that but I just wanted to help you. You've seemed really sad all night so I thought maybe a night of unadulterated freedom, dancing, and hot men might make you feel better. I don't know what's bothering you but whatever it is, just forget about it this one night, Brady. This is the time for you to have fun and get crazy. Forget who you _are_. Be who you _want_ to be."

I was still upset that he tricked me into it but the idea of just letting loose sounded good. It's what I had been going for all night. I just couldn't quite manage it on my own so maybe a little pharmaceutical pick-me-up was just what I needed.

Pushing down the butterflies in my stomach, I grabbed _his_ shot and threw it back. Then I slammed the glass down and grinned as he gave me a scandalized look.

"That was for tricking me, asshole. Now promise me you won't let me do anything stupid."

In a flurry of giggles, he grabbed my hands and started pulling me out to the dance floor, "Cross my heart and hope to die. Now come on. Let's go show these skanks how it's done."

.

.

.

This is the best night I've ever had. Everything pulsates and tingles like crazy. And the _lights_. They're so pretty…and _bright_. The music sounds _so_ good. I can _feel_ it. There are so many colors and _Christ on a cracker_ that feels good.

I threw my head back, eyes closed as Nicky's warm, plush lips whispered across my neck. His body slithered against mine to the beat of the bass shaking the room around us. I moved with him, my body entranced by the overwhelming _feeling_ of it all. It felt so amazingly, mind-fuckingly _good_.

His breath tickled my ear, fingertips playing just underneath the waistband of my jeans, brushing my hips and ass and causing my whole body to slightly convulse in such a good way.

"Having fun yet?" he whispered teasingly in my ear.

Honestly it had been a _really_ _long_ _time_ since I felt this good.

Sliding my hands into his soft as silk hair, I bowed my head forward and meant to nibble his ear sexily but I kind of lost my balance and fell. Luckily, I fell into him and he braced me for a moment so I could get back in the groove. I didn't even have it in me to be embarrassed as I just chuckled, "I fell."

The sound of Nicky's laughter vibrated down his body and against mine as he pulled away to grin at me, "Good thing I was here to cushion the fall."

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I'm not ashamed to say I rubbed myself against him a little but I couldn't stop myself…and I didn't want to. It felt good. Everything felt so good. His body just melded with mine like how the T-1000 from Terminator 2 just melded into that crazy chick with the metal poker arm. It was seamless.

And everything was beautiful.

The blues and pinks and greens and whites and yellows and reds…it was like dancing in a rainbow. A wonderful magical rainbow where everything was just _so_ _good_.

It seemed like we danced forever, hands exploring…touching…_feeling_.

I was damp with sweat, cock hard and throbbing against the zipper of my jeans as Nicky palmed it while he danced behind me, his own dick rubbing into my ass.

"Are you a top or a bottom?" he whispered in my ear as I grinded back then pushed forward, unable to decide which I wanted to feel more.

"Bottom," I rasped breathlessly.

He chuckled against my neck, "Awesome. I'm a bottom too. That means we can totally just help each other out and it not get weird, right? 'Cause like, I'm not looking for anything but a friend and a good time. But I think that if we went back there against the wall and jerked each other off it would be a great time. Then we could come back and scope out guys together."

That sounded perfect. I think having an orgasm with no strings attached from a hand that wasn't my own sounded like the Best. Idea. Ever.

"Yeah. Awesome. Totally," I grabbed his hand and immediately started leading him off the dance floor and to a dark corner.

And then we were on each other, hands tugging at belts and pulling hair as our mouths mashed together, tongues dancing to the music. His hand was warm and soft as it slipped down the front of my briefs and wrapped around my dick. I groaned into the kiss, my fingers curling around his length and giving it a rough squeeze.

He gasped, breaking from the kiss as he laid his head on my shoulder and rasped, voice cracking, "Do it again. Yeah. Just like that."

Hell yeah. I was good at this.

His grip tightened and began working me up and down, the slick sweat of our bodies and pre-come making everything just messy enough to feel good.

And it did. It felt so good.

"Harder," I choked out, eyes opened, colors swirling, skin quivering.

The hand around my dick obliged, smooth fingers, fiery palms and I was so close. He pulled out some napkins from his pocket and spoke softly in a trembling breath, "Didn't want to ruin our good clothes."

I snorted, white lightning shooting through my body, "Good idea. I think you're like the smartest person I've ever met. And I love your boots."

We both fell into breathless giggles that soon hitched into guttural moans. Then we were kissing again, swallowing the sounds as we both spilled less than a minute apart, hot spunk volcanoing over hands and onto the napkins. We drew out the last drop from each other until we were panting and heaving like we'd run a marathon. My heart was racing, electrical currents screeching through my veins and keeping all my senses heightened to Spidey-like proportions.

He wadded the napkins and tossed them in a nearby trashcan before grinning at me, swollen red lips and lidded black-framed eyes.

"I really needed that."

Shoulders bouncing, I laughed a little harder as I tucked myself back in, "Me too, Nicky. You have no idea."

Nicky bounded forward, hand dipping into my front pocket and sliding my phone out. It wasn't locked so he opened it up to the camera app and stepped back, "Let me take a pic, you look totally hot right now."

I grinned, drunk and high as a kite as I turned slightly letting my half unbuttoned shirt fall open to show my chest. Then I wiggled my best asset and starting singing, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…"

Nicky cackled in laughter as he took the pic and a moment later he was thrusting my phone in my face, showing me he'd uploaded it to my Facebook page, along with the caption.

He grinned as he then sent the pic to himself and saved his number in my phone, "There. Now anytime you feel sad about whatever…look at this pic and remember what a stud you are."

"Hey, you guys want to sit with us? You deserve a drink after that show."

A good-looking guy with brown hair and broad shoulders nodded over to a table of four guys, all about our age or a little older but two of the four were pretty hot.

Nicky raised his pierced eyebrow at me and chuckled, "See. Total stud. Quick, shake your ass at that guy over there in the leather pants!"

I didn't roll my eyes and I didn't make fun of myself because when I looked around, plenty of guys were noticing me. _Me!_ My confidence soared through the roof as I latched Nicky's arm and gave my best sassy smirk, "Let's get these assholes to buy us drinks first. We'll work on leather boy later. It's still early."

Tonight was about adventure and fun and just letting loose.

And it was cool. Everything was beautiful and I could totally do this.

.

.

.

The next morning I woke up on a couch in a room I didn't recognize. The bright lights from the patio door blinded me and I squinted and tried to look around.

Where was I? It was an apartment, very homey and a little shabby, but not dirty.

"You must be Nicky's friend," a soft, tiny-girl voice giggled in my ear and I jumped, peeling myself from the couch and then immediately flailing back down. Okay, so I moved way too fast. Let's try that again in a much slower speed.

Carefully, I used my spaghetti-noodle arms to get up to a sitting position as the little girl giggled with glee, "You're funny."

I rubbed at my sore eyes and rasped, "Um, thanks?"

"Lisa, leave your brother's friend alone and go get ready for church." What I presumed to be Nicky's mom walked into the kitchen which was directly across from the living room and opened the fridge.

"I, um, should probably be going," I started shuffling off the couch when Nicky came grumbling out of the hallway in nothing but a pair of sweats. His hair was a mess, mascara a little smudged but he was still cute when he grinned at me.

"Hey rock star, you got anywhere you need to be in the next four hours?"

I didn't but wasn't quite sure about staying any longer because I didn't know how his mom would react.

I shook my head warily and he nodded, "Awesome. Cap'n Crunch, orange juice, then three more hours sleep. You can crash in my bed. I just couldn't lug your ass any further than the couch last night, man."

But then the strangest thing happened! His mom handed him the carton of orange juice and leaned in to kiss his cheek!

"Good morning, Nicky-Boy. Fun night?"

He took a huge gulp straight from the carton while his mom chided him for being gross to which he belched and then they both laughed! It was the weirdest thing!

"Yup. Mom this is my new friend, Brady. Brady this is my mom. Don't let the church dress fool you, she's down with the queers."

Her mouth dropped open but she smiled as she swatted him on the butt with a magazine, "Watch your mouth, child."

Huh. Really weird. But I didn't have too long to ponder because I was hit with a wave of nausea. My head pounded and everything hurt.

"You okay, guy?" Nicky shuffled over, scratching his belly as he yawned.

I was gonna get sick.

"Bathroom?" I wheezed, stomach raging in protest.

"Come on," he wrapped his arm around my waist and helped me to the bathroom. As soon as I saw that porcelain tank it was on.

I was down on my knees, purging my fucking soul. It hurt so bad.

Memories flashed through my mind with every lurch and wretch of my stomach. I drank so much last night. Guys just started buying me and Nicky drinks left and right. And we danced. God I danced with so many people…guys…girls…me and Nicky bounced from bar to bar. The last bar was a karaoke one where we thrashed out to one of the greatest fem hair-bands of the 80's: Poison's rock classic _Talk Dirty To Me_. That's what the whole 'rock star' thing was this morning. We had a blast. _I_ had a blast. It was one of the best nights of my life. I was smooth, confident, and everyone liked me.

And I didn't think about Brandon. At all. There was no overwhelming churning or ache that made me want to curl in a ball and moan pitifully while someone stroked my back.

"You okay, Brady?" Nicky asked as he reached out to rub my shoulder. I really liked Nicky. This is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Fucking Brandon.

But I'm stubborn and wouldn't go down without a fight. So as I yacked my guts out I held up my hand, pinkie and pointer finger raised to the sky in the international sign of rock-n-roll.

Nicky broke into laughter, fingers warm and real against my skin.

:::

The week dragged on forever and little by little, I forgot about how much fun I had Saturday night. Maybe it had all been a fantastic delusion. I'm good at those.

Because here I was again, all forlorn like a kicked puppy, sketching stupid pictures of stupid Brandon because I had burned all the ones I had and crying over someone who didn't just kick me to the curb but fucking drop kicked me.

It was pathetic and pointless and I was tired of it.

My phone chirped with a text and I sniffled as I put down my pencil and pulled it out of my pocket.

Then I broke into laughter as I saw the picture Nicky sent me. It was him taking a selfie next to a cute guy completely passed out with a dick drawn on his cheek in magic marker. The text read, 'This is my friend Ian. He loves the cock. He also loves to get smashed and pass out on me. This is what I do when I'm bored. Lesson to be learned? Don't pass out first!"

I snorted and grabbed a clean sheet of paper. A few minutes later there was a picture of giant dick complete with hairy balls and blue veins underneath. I took a pic and sent it to Nicky with the message, "I'm an art major. Don't fuck with me."

A moment later my phone chirped again.

Nicky: OMG hahahaha that's brilliant! Damn guy you good!

Me: Thanks :-)

Nicky: So, you busy? Come hang with me! I'm so booored!

Me: It's kind of late…

I brushed a hand through my hair as I glanced at the time. It was already after nine and I had class in the morning.

Nicky: PLEASE! You know you want to cum ;)

Then a picture came across of Nicky winking as he held up a bag of weed and a big, black dildo.

Hopping up, I grabbed my wallet and house key while I texted back.

Me: Be there in 20!

:::

I loved X. It made everything hazy and soft and _easy_. It was like dancing in a rainbow, lost in another realm where everything was freakin' unicorns and fairy dust. It felt magical. Your skin prickled at the smallest sensation, ears thrummed from the vibrations of the music bouncing off the walls…

It was beautiful and so very easy to get swept away. Like a slow moving tide it sweeps in until you're so far under there's no coming up for air.

I was choking, coughing and sputtering as I pulled off. Cum dripping from my lips, I opened my eyes and looked up at the man tucking himself back into his jeans.

As much as I had been seeing rainbows and fairy dust before, now I was choking on acrid waste and getting lost in dark black clouds.

I don't know how I made it but somehow I managed to scramble my way inside an empty bathroom stall. Wiping off my mouth in disgust, I pressed my back against the wall and slid to the floor as I pulled my knees up. Wrapping my arms around them, I buried my face as the ugly, gasping breaths turned into ugly, shuddering sobs.

Brandon and I were really over.

It was really done so it was okay to be with other men. Only it didn't feel okay. It felt damning. Like I just proved Joshua right when he said I was easy. Like I proved Brandon right when he insinuated I was a slut. Like the ongoing joke about me being a total perv had come to full fruition.

I felt like I was decomposing, decaying like a zombie. Still able to walk but no longer living. Heart rotted and brain not functioning properly.

A bang on the door didn't even jolt me.

"Brady? Hey guy, you in there?"

It was Nicky. His voice echoed and I wanted to say something but couldn't get the words to come out.

"I see your sexy boots, guy. I'm coming in."

I think I smiled as I looked down at my pretty black boots with the pink lace shoestrings. They _were_ sexy. I loved these boots. Nicky hooked me up with a discount at the store he worked at.

Hey look, there's Nicky now.

He was crawling in underneath the stall grumbling about getting his clothes dirty. Then he was mirroring me, knees up, arms wrapped around them as he sighed, "You okay, guy?"

I shook my head. "It's dying," I rasped.

The unicorn was dying. It was all exposed nerves, emaciated frame and empty cavities where its organs should be.

"Hey, it's okay, Brady," Nicky was next to me, arm wrapped around my shoulder as he spoke in heavy whispers.

"You're just having a bad trip. You're gonna be okay. It's just the drugs. This isn't you, guy. Deep breaths, c'mon."

Nicky rocked me, whispering softly as he dragged his fingers through my hair.

Eventually the dark clouds receded and my tears dried up.

I looked up from where I laid my head on his shoulder and he smiled.

"The trick is to be someone else for awhile, Brady. We do this to escape. If you think about bad things, you'll have a bad trip. Think happy thoughts."

Blinking my eyes, my gut ached as I whispered, "I hooked up."

Nicky grinned, tousling my hair as he chuckled, "Good for you! You need to let loose a little. Have some fun! So, was he hot?"

I shrugged, sitting up and scrubbing my hands across my face before looking over at him, "I wanna be someone else for a while. How do I do that?"

His eyes lit up as he scrambled to his feet and helped me up. A few minutes later, armed with some black mascara and eyeliner he bummed from one of the transgender women, he was giggling as he admired his handiwork.

"Oh my God, you look amazingly hot!"

I smiled, batting my lashes.

"Oh yeah?"

He laughed as he turned my body around so that I could see myself in the dirty bathroom mirror. The boy looking back looked pretty fierce. Jet black waves and caramel eyes, sultry and exotic, I smiled as the guy at the next sink over flashed a grin.

"Hey," he nodded his head and I bit my lip before giving a small grin back.

"Hey back."

"You ready to get back out there and dance?"

He reached out his hand and I took it with just a little hesitation. But then Nicky was slapping my ass with a hoot as the guy led me out to the dance floor.

"Woohoo! Go get 'em, rock star!"

I giggled, casting a quick smile over my shoulder as I threw up the rock-n-roll hand signal.

:::

It's New Year's. I'm with my friends at a club and it's cool. I'm having an okay time. The alcohol is making me dizzy but there's none of the cool special effects of X so I'm not having as much fun as I could be. After the bad trip I had a few weeks ago, I wasn't sure I wanted to keep doing it but the night ended up being a lot of fun once I put on my metaphorical war paint and let loose.

That was the trick. I got to escape and be someone else for awhile. It was great!

But tonight, I was plain old Brady again since I couldn't really escape myself when I was around them.

Honestly, it's still kind of hard to be around Jay and Jeremiah sometimes. Those damn southern drawls and blue eyes along with the signature dimples and all I do is think about Brandon. I don't _wanna_ think about Brandon.

So I distance myself a little, find some hot guys to dance with so I can just get lost for a little while. Things are going pretty good. Hot guy is dragging me to the back room and I'm oh so ready to _go_ so I can _cum_.

I snort at the joke in my head when I feel a hand on my arm tugging me back. I recognize the drawl and cringe.

"Hey man. Come dance with me and Eddie."

Yanking my arm back, I latch onto hot guy who's looking at us warily as I shake my head, "No, Jay. M'good here. You go. M'fine."

But the asshole grabbed me again, "No. You're not fine. And you're comin' with me."

This time I shoved him away and he barely moved but was in shock as I growled, "_No_. I'm _not_. I'm not your husband in case you haven't noticed. I'm _single_. And I'll do whatever the Hell I want so back off."

I huff as I turn but hot guy is gone and before I can even look for him I'm suddenly upside down staring at Jay's ass in those super tight god damn butt-hugging jeans.

Jay's hauling me out of the club like a sack of potatoes and I'm furious but also pretty nauseated. The second he sets me down in the alley behind the club I'm puking on the brick wall and falling to my knees.

I can hear him and Edward whispering to each other between heaves.

I want to be angry but I keep forgetting everything they say with each purge so by the end I'm just too exhausted to care.

And I'm so tired. So god damn sleepy and I think if I just close my eyes for a minute…

.

.

.

I wake up in Eddie and Jay's guest room wearing one of Jay's t-shirts, my jeans, and one sock. My mouth feels like dirty ass and everything aches as I peel myself from the bed.

Jay's kind of mad at me and I'm not really sure why. I don't really remember much about last night but he's looking at me like he wants to shake the shit outta me.

"Um, good morning?" I offer hesitantly, as I slip on my shoes while he sits at the kitchen table eating a giant bowl of Frosted Flakes.

"Feelin' better?" he grunts between bites. Eddie sighs as he pours a cup of tea for himself and smiles at me.

"Would you like some coffee? Or tea? It's good for an upset stomach."

I nod, not really wanting to stay but desperately needing a drink as I rasp, "Coffee please."

He hands me a mug and a couple Tylenol. I sip gratefully, sighing in relief as the hot liquid soothes my throat.

"Thanks," I mumble before taking another sip and Eddie just nods.

Jay picks up his now empty bowl and takes it to the sink before turning around and crossing his arms over his bare chest, "I know it was New Year's and all, but you got more than a little wasted last night. You okay?"

God, I was sick of people asking me if I was okay.

Trying not to roll my eyes, I nodded, "I'm fine, Jay. Just partied a little too hard. It _was_ New Year's."

He looks like he's not sure if he should believe me but eventually relents with a sigh, "Fine. Okay, but you need to be more careful, Brady. If me and Eddie hadn't been there, fuck knows what you woulda done last night."

_Maybe got laid. Or got my dick sucked. Salad tossed. Not passed out in a pool of my own vomit. Or at least, have been sexually satisfied _before_ I passed out in a pool of my own vomit._

But I knew better than to say any of that. Jay was seriously so overprotective sometimes it was overwhelming. I wasn't a kid. We were the same age! I really couldn't handle any drama right now though. Not with my stomach churning and head pounding.

I forced a smile, "Don't worry about me, Jay. I was just having a little fun. Finals about killed me and these past few months working on my art project has been really stressful. Besides, you and Edward _were_ there so I knew I could let loose a little."

Lies. It's all lies. I was wound really tight last night, unable to party the way I really wanted to because I _knew_ that Jay and Em and Jeremiah would all treat me like a god damn after school special when they've all done drugs! And it wasn't like I was smoking meth or crack. I learned from the late-great Whitney Houston, crack is whack. So I smoked a little weed, which they've _all_ done, and I do X sometimes, which _most_ of them have done.

But again, I'm treated like the baby of the group.

So just for spite when I left I called Nicky.

"Oh my God!" he answered, "You are never going to believe what Ian and Dusty did last night!"

I chuckled, shaking off the anger I felt when I left Edward and Jasper's place, "What are you doing now? Can I stop by? After the night I had, I could really use a joint."

"Yeah, come on down, rock star. I'm out of weed though. And I only have, like $20 so I'm short to re-up."

Digging in my pockets, I pulled out some crumpled bills and thanked God I got the assholes in the bar to buy my drinks all night.

"I've got a little cash. You wanna go in?"

"Hell yeah. Get that sexy little ass of yours over here! We'll run over to my guy's house real quick then smoke out while we regale each other with tales of our sordid debauchery from last night. And then we can play with each other's dicks!"

He squeed and I laughed, "Awesome. See you in twenty."

"K, guy. Later."

I shoved my money back in my pocket and headed to the bus stop.

:::

School started again and it was back to the same old routine, only this time it wasn't always the same. I still had my classes and work but now some nights I'd hang out with Nicky and his friends. I still hung out with my old friends too of course, but they were busy with their own lives and that was fine because I was busy now, too.

I missed them sometimes but it was okay because I wasn't alone. And Nicky was a blast! He knew all the little hidden gems of the city, and once the weather started getting warmer we spent a lot of time going to concerts and festivals and different kinds of clubs.

We'd go paintballing and rock-climbing, we'd drive go-karts and play putt-putt, we'd spend hours in the arcade, high as Hell, geeking out to the old vintage Ms. Pac Man or Donkey Kong games.

And it was nice because Nicky and his friends didn't baby me. They just treated me like one of the guys. That's all I've ever really wanted. Like when Brandon picked me first to be on his team when we all played football together. I'm sure none of the others even thought to ask me to play, probably just assumed I'd be cheering like a girl on the sidelines.

But Brandon didn't think that. At one time he believed in me. He made me feel like I wasn't different than the rest of them. Like I wasn't less of a man.

And then he dumped me. Guess he didn't think I was man enough, after all.

No contact at all. It had been months and just…nothing.

God damn it.

I let out a deep sigh, trying to focus on the book in front of me but I had a late night at the club so it wasn't coming easy. Slamming it shut, I rub at my temples while I close my eyes and chastise myself about getting it together. I'm at work and it's slow. I'm beyond bored, and really tired.

But it's worse than that, really. It's not boredom, it's indifference. I'm not really sad anymore, but I'm not happy either. It just seems like nothing matters and everything is a waste of time. Even time doesn't matter. It's not like we can control it. Minutes turn into hours turn into days and before you know it months have passed. There's nothing you can do to change it, to speed it up or slow it down.

It was just a constant, uncontrollable _thing_ that always brought along change. Even when it felt like nothing ever changed, it did. You just don't always see it because sometimes it's slow, gradual. People change. They drift and morph, become almost unrecognizable but the changes have been slow enough to go unnoticed until one day you look in the mirror and you don't know who you are.

Putting up the 'Be Back in 5 Minutes' sign, I floated to the bathroom, trying to keep the breaths from become more strained until I reached the sink. Focusing on the image in the mirror of the scrawny boy with dark circles underneath his eyes and mussed up hair, I fought tears as I whispered in harsh bursts, "You are the fairest princess in the land…smart and beautiful and good…just hold it together, Brady…breathe…you've got two more hours and then…you can go to bed and just forget everything for a while…just hang in there…"

My breaths slowly became less labored and the tightness in my chest eased a little until it was manageable. I turned on the water in the sink and leaned forward, splashing it on my face until I didn't feel so hot anymore. For a minute it had felt like I was burning from the inside out. I grabbed some paper towels and dried my face before giving myself one last look in the mirror.

I was so tired. I just needed to sleep.

.

.

.

Psh, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Saturday night was a night to party! Nicky had a hook up at the music festival tonight and we were rolling hard as we bounced around to the all the punk rock bands at the outdoor venue. My eyes were closed, hands raised, head spinning as we danced along with the crowd. I felt a solid man behind me, thick cock pushed against my ass as we moved to the music. Then teeth were on my neck, nipping as a warm mouth sucked on the sensitive skin. I moaned, hand latching in hair to keep him _right there_.

"Like that?" he whispered roughly in my ear, palm pressing against my cock as I nodded vigorously.

I did like that. Very much actually.

"Come with me behind that tent over there," he whispered breathlessly in my ear and yeah, I was so down with that.

I don't know how long we were back there, sucking and slurping, feeling and exploring, jeans around my ankles and dick buried in my ass as the crowd cheered just on the other side of the tent. Under the cover of darkness the black night offered, I didn't care about the crowd. In fact, it was kind of exhilarating, the idea that we could be caught…that everyone else was dancing nearby while we were blindly cumming our brains out just twenty yards away.

Minutes later I was shimmying back in next to Nicky with a grin on my face and a bounce in my step. I don't know where the guy went, couldn't even pick his face out of the crowd but I would never forget the feel of the warm night air blowing against my too sensitive cock as I spilled all over the back of that tent.

.

.

.

Sundays were the worst. I couldn't remember hardly anything from last night but my ass was sore, my muscles aching and mouth throbbing. I stumbled from Nicky's bed to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face before looking in the mirror and Oh My God!

A minute later, I was bouncing on Nicky's back to wake him up as I rasped, "Wuf di' you le' me do?"

Nicky's eyes opened sleepily, blinked twice then he started laughing as he stretched underneath me, "I told you to wait to get your tongue pierced when you were sober but would you listen to me? _Noooo_."

I huffed, unable to speak for the swelling and unbearable throb.

Nicky rolled his eyes with a smile as he threw back the blanket, "Come on, rock star. I got a cup of crushed ice from the gas station last night to help take the swelling down. It's still in the freezer."

I grabbed the half-empty bottle of vodka in his nightstand and he raised an eyebrow.

I just grumbled as I followed him to the kitchen, "Thut up, affhole."

:::

So I'm hanging with my friends on a Thursday night and it's fine. It's cool. We're watching a Channing Tatum movie and it's not one where he dances but it's still Channing Tatum so it's fine. Eddie and Jay are curled on the couch. Jay's head in his lap, blue eyes blinking sleepily as Edward strokes his fingers absently through his curls. Rose and Em have the love seat, all cuddled in close. Jeremiah and Alice are in the recliner. Suzie is asleep on Eddie and Jay's bed, exhausted from the hours she's been putting in at the animal hospital along with her part-time job at the animal shelter and school.

I was lying on a blanket on the floor with JJ passed out on one side of me, Em J on the other. I loved them of course, but it was kind of like being at the kiddie table.

Trying to stay focused on the movie, my mind just kept wandering. I wondered what Brandon was doing right now. Wondered if he missed me. I thought about how my grandma has never even attempted to contact me when she lived ten minutes away from me my whole life.

My thoughts were getting darker and sadder and all I wanted to do was sleep and forget for a little while.

But my phone lit up with a text. I quickly opened it, smiling as I read and replied.

Nicky: Sup?

Me: Chillin' watching a movie

Nicky: Oh? Good?

Me: Channing Tatum

Nicky: OMG I love that movie!

Me: XD

Me: Said every gay boy ever

Nicky: LOL You. Me. Tomorrow night. 9pm. The Pony. Say yes.

Me: YES!

Nicky: Awesome. Tell Channing's abs I love them! Rock out with your cock out. XO

Breaking into a fit of giggles I sat my phone down and looked back to the screen just in time to see Channing do stuff without his shirt. It was a pretty good movie.

:::

"So, um, how's Brandon doing?" I asked Jeremiah as he picked JJ up from a sleepover at our place. I tried getting information out of Suzie but she wouldn't budge, always deflecting.

Jeremiah though, he was an easy nut to crack.

And there's this bad part of me, deep down that kind of hopes he's doing as awful as I am right now. I wanted him to suffer like I was suffering. Hurt like I hurt.

"Good days. Bad days. He's been getting by, I guess. I think he misses you."

Rolling my eyes, I huffed softly so I didn't wake JJ, "Yeah, he misses me so much he eighty-sixed me from his life."

"He's just-"

But I cut him off with a harsh laugh, "Messed up. Yeah. I got it. Good thing I'm so totally together then, huh? Wouldn't want poor Brandon to mess up the kid who has everything."

Jeremiah looked a little taken aback by my outburst but I didn't care.

"Are you okay, man?" he asked, head cocked and blue eyes concerned.

I hated it.

"I'm great. Fantastic, actually. _Enlightened_. Be careful going home. I'll see you later."

I wasn't fantastic, actually. I was just really fucking angry. But I would be fantastic by the end of the night.

:::

Fuck Brandon. Who needs his stupid blue eyes and dimples? Who needs his damn delicious scruffy chin tickling their thighs? I don't need him. I don't need _anyone_. Not anyone in particular, anyway. It all felt pretty much the same. Sort of.

The steel edge of the bathroom sink dug into my ass a little as…forgot his name…Brian? Brad? Fuck, who gives a shit what his name is when his mouth is around my cock.

The bathroom was hot, sweaty and crowded but my skin was on fire. The vibration of the bass reverberated off the walls and pricked at all my senses. My head was thrown back in pleasure, hands tangled in hair as I fucked the guy's face. It felt good the way he just…_let_ me. It didn't take long for me to cum. Dizzy with the feeling of power, I yanked the guy's head back, fingers twisting in his hair as I shot my load all over his face. He loved it, lapping at my cock as I grinned down at him.

That was pretty awesome.

And then I was back on the dance floor searching for Nicky. I finally saw him wedged between a couple of hotties so I made my way over and slipped in with him. I was grinding my dick into his ass while hot guy in front of him slid a hand around to _my_ ass, pulling me harder into Nicky. Hot guy behind me was solid, rubbing deliciously into me as he palmed Nicky's junk to the beat of the music. It felt so good. I felt free and sexy and _so fucking good_. I was so high and everything was beautiful.

:::

"What time is it?" I rasped, grabbing my phone from Nicky's nightstand and wincing at the light when I pressed the button.

My eyes snapped open and I jumped with a start, "Shit! I gotta get to work!"

Fuck, I was late. I didn't think I'd end up sleeping until after 2 in the afternoon!

Nicky barely moved as he grumbled into the pillow, "K. Later, guy."

I shimmied on my pants and grabbed one of his clean button-ups from the closet, "I'm taking this shirt. Drinks Friday after work, right?"

He gave a thumbs up and rolled over, ass in the air and head buried under his pillow like an ostrich as he fell right back to sleep.

:::

The week was dragging by way too slowly. After the reprimand for being late to work on Saturday I was trying to be more cautious of my schedule, but it was only Wednesday and I didn't think I could wait till Friday to party a little. Weekdays were depressing and I found myself longing for the weekend worse than ever before. Everything just sucked. I hated drudging through school and work as I waited for the weekends. In high school I always loved the weekends because we'd all hang out, drink, and just chill. It was a nice little escape from reality.

But these past few months have been far from just chill. I've met new people, done things I never thought I would do, and felt freer than I ever had in my whole life. I felt kind of bad that I kept it mostly secret from my friends. I mean, they knew I made a new friend named Nicky but they didn't know about the things we did when we were out together.

They'd just try to stop me and I didn't _wanna_ stop.

I mean, you should've seen the interrogation I got just from the tongue ring! I had to remind Jay that even if he didn't wear the ring anymore, his tongue was still pierced too. I didn't know what his deal was.

I mean, everyone was telling me I had to move on, right? I remember before we actually decided to start dating, what Brandon told me…

"_When I _do_ get to Seattle, I'm coming after you hard…so date, have fun…but don't go fallin' for nobody else, ya feel me?"_

He didn't have to worry about me falling for somebody else because I would never make that mistake again.

But having fun?

Man, had I been having fun lately, doing _lots_ of new things with friends of my own, outside the circle! It was liberating to go out and enjoy myself without being watched over like a child. Hell, when I had some guy on his knees before me, eager to please me, I actually felt like a man.

It was exhilarating.

And maybe a little scary. But getting high took all the fear away. For a little while anyway, because when I actually stopped to think about what I was doing...

I really needed another hit.

_A/N: I know I'm gonna get flamers screaming at me for this chap but if you think stuff like this doesn't happen in RL then you're sadly mistaken. People aren't perfect and sometimes even smart people do really dumb things. _


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Hello everybody! Hope you enjoy this next chapter. The main song I listened to was Sideways by Citizen Cope. I highly recommend you check him out. He's got some great songs. Big thanks to Nan. I appreciate you, girl! Also, there's a great Pinterest board dedicated to TTaF and some of it is captioned. Nan started it and I help add to it so there's lots of goodies. If anyone is interested I'll try to add a link on my profile (If FF isn't being a finicky bitch).**

**Brandon's POV**

"Come on, Brandon! _Please_?" Lexi clasped her fingers together as she begged.

Grabbing a rag and wiping the ink off Ghost's back, I inspected my work. I just needed to put a few finishing touches to his newest piece, a 67, in honor of his dad's Camaro he had from the same year.

Huffing, I leaned back down to finish some of the shading, "I'm busy."

She rolled her eyes and clutched at her hair, which was purple today. "Doing what?"

"Stuff," I mumbled, lowering my eyes to make sure I got the shadowin' right.

Ghost chuckled and I couldn't help but join him as Lexi made a high pitched squeak that meant she was fixin' to flip the fuck out. She had tell-tale signs, like the hair pullin' and foot tappin' but when she got so pissed off she squawked, that shit was funny as hell.

"Really, Brandon? _Stuff_? That's the best reason you got for not having a drink with me after we close tonight? You're not even _trying_ to come up with a good excuse, you _dick_!"

Now I was full out laughin' as Ghost smiled up from my table.

"Dude. She's gonna pop a blood vessel if you keep your shit up. Her face is as purple as her hair."

I smirked as I started cleanin' my shit up, "Nah, she secretly digs my rugged charm, don't ya 'darlin."

I flashed her a wink and smartass dimpled grin, and she lost it.

Hands thrown in the air, she growled, "That's _it_! I'm going out there to cash out the register and make sure everything's locked tight and you're going to finish up with _that _little motherfucker right there and then you're comin' with me across the street for a god damn drink! I'm _done_ asking!"

Me and Ghost were laughin' our asses off as she panted, out of breath from her meltdown.

"Get a move on. Ghost can come too if he promises not to be an ass."

And then she was stomping out of the room as I called out, "You know I like the bossy stuff, mama!"

She hollered back, "Fuck you very much, Sweetheart!"

I loved giving Lex shit 'cause she would give it right back. I liked a little sass. That's one of the things I really liked about Brady. He was a feisty little shit.

Fuck, I missed him.

Pushin' down the ache in my gut, I finished up with Ghost and we waited a few minutes for Lexi to get done closin' the shop for the evenin'. She was still growlin' as she stomped across the street to Jack's Shitty Bar-that's not the official name but it suits it just fine.

I didn't get two steps inside before I stopped dead in my tracks.

Everyone from the shop was there; Bones, Tripp, Sig, Lou Ann and her old man Sean. Lexi started gigglin' as they all held up shot glasses.

My whole body was on fire. Draggin' a hand through my hair, I slowly made my way to the table. "What's all this?"

Lou Ann grinned, slidin' shots over to me and Ghost, "This, my boy, is the cheapest whiskey this shit-hole has but it should do the trick. Now lift your glass, sweetheart."

A nervous chuckle escaped me as I did what she said. I still wasn't sure what was goin' on.

Wipin' her bright red bangs from her eyes, her smile was soft when she spoke, "Brandon, when you walked into my shop two years ago I had my doubts. I remember when I first saw you. You were big, scary, looked like you just wanted to jump outta your own skin and run away."

Everyone chuckled, includin' me but inside I was feelin' strangely warm, like the fire inside me was simmerin' down just enough to feel kinda good.

She tapped her finger on her glass with a smile on her face as she looked at me, "But you didn't run. You stayed. Persevered. We've all watched you these last few years and I know I'm not the only one who's seen you transform. You've become one hell of a man, sweetheart. You're kind. Compassionate. Loyal. Humble. And one _fiercely_ talented son of a bitch."

I grinned, my ears buzzin' and face on fire not used to hearin' nice shit like that. It was nice though; I didn't know how much of it was really true but it made me feel good anyways.

"So, we are havin' a celebration tonight. Glasses up!"

We all raised our glasses as she nodded, "Happy two-year anniversary, babe. Part of me wants to say that I hope to have you around for another two years but I think that would be selfish because you're gonna do big things, son."

My cheeks hurt I was smilin' so hard. Even the burn of the shitty whiskey didn't fade my grin. Everyone hooted and hollered, the girls gave me hugs and the guys patted me on the back. It was really nice.

Lexi and Lou Ann hit the old jukebox first, stuffin' in quarters and pickin' out songs. Bones and Sean headed over to pool table as a waitress brought over a tray with one double shot of somethin' pink as fuck.

I raised an eyebrow at her as she held the tray up to me and smiled, "Here ya go, sugar. It's on the house."

Suspicious, I eyed the hot pink drink, "The fuck is it?"

Not gonna lie, it kinda looked like liquid cotton candy and I loved that shit. I only had it one time. I was ten and Uncle Wayne and Aunt Barb took us to the circus. They pretty much disappeared for the first half of the show leavin' me with Jeremiah, Suzie, and Jay. The kids were actually pretty good, so scared by the clowns that they'd barely move an inch. Suzie wasn't really bothered by them, just babbling and clapping at the animals. But Jeremiah and Jay were scared as fuck.

_Jeremiah looked up at me, blue eyes narrowed as he whispered, "If one of dem clowns come close to me I'ma kick it in the nuts, B."_

_Jay was on the other side of Jeremiah, big blue eyes wide with fear, "I don' like 'em. I wan' go home."_

_I felt bad for Jasper. He had only been with Uncle Wayne a couple weeks and he missed his grandma. _

_Leanin' over so that he could see me, I sighed when I saw his little lip stickin' out and his eyes beginning to water._

"_Hey Jay? You don't know you come from a long line of badasses, huh?"_

_His lip quivered as he shook his head, blond curls bouncing._

_I smiled, "Let me tell you a little somthin', we're Whitlock boys. We don't run and we don't hide. If one of them clowns come over here, I'ma punch him in his big red nose, Jeremiah's gonna kick him in the nuts, and you're gonna whoop his ass. There ain't no reason to be scared when you got us around, okay? So dry them tears up. Make a fist, like this."_

_He mimicked me, ballin' up his little hands as he sniffled one last time then broke out into a big, watery grin, "Like dis?"_

_I smiled, "Yep, just like that."_

_We sat there talkin' 'bout how we was gonna mess that clown up if he came on the upper level. It was really kinda fun and at intermission Uncle Wayne brought back cotton candy for all of us before leavin' again. _

"_What is dis stuff, B?" Jeremiah sniffed at the pink spun wool on a stick. "We s'posed to eat it?"_

_I shrugged. I never had cotton candy before and I felt a little silly holdin' a giant pink ball of fluff but Suzie was already chompin' through hers, figuring out real quick that it was edible. Jay followed suit, tearin' off a piece and lickin' his tongue out to taste it before his eyes got big and he shoved the handful in his mouth._

_I looked at Jeremiah who was lookin' at me for direction and thought fuck it. I tore off a piece with my mouth and felt it dissolve on my tongue. I could taste the sticky, sweet sugar and I had to bite back a moan, "It's cool, J. Go 'head and eat it."_

_He took my cue and started munchin' away and while they were all distracted, I took a moment, let my eyes close and let the stress melt away like the sugar on my tongue. It was one of the best things I ever had._

The sound of Jack's gravelly, old-as-fuck voice broke me from the memory as he called out, "It's called a Pink Pussy." Then he chuckled, "The irony's what makes it so damn funny."

I rolled my eyes, grabbed the drink and held it up as I smirked down at Lexi, "What do we say, darlin'?"

Her eyes lit up as she lifted her own drink and sing-songed over her shoulder, "Fuck you very much, Jack!"

We threw back our shots as Jack grumbled, "In my day young ladies didn't run around cussin' like sailors and sportin' purple hair. Women today have no class. That's what's wrong with the country. It's all gone to Hell in a handbasket—"

He trailed off as he piddled around the bar and I smiled 'cause it was nice to know that Jack gave everyone shit and not just me.

It was cool though.

And I was really touched that everybody would throw me a party. I mean, people were actually happy to still know me. That was a pretty big feat for me.

It made me feel kinda proud to, all the shit Lou Ann said about me.

By the end of the night I was feelin' pretty good. Ghost and me whipped Bones and Sean's asses at pool. Sean talked to me about getting a motorcycle. His buddy had an old Harley Sportster he was comin' off of pretty cheap and Sean knew I wanted a bike. I was gonna go look at it over the weekend. Sean offered to teach me how to ride so that was cool. I had stolen dirt bikes and shit as a kid so I didn't think it'd be too hard.

Lou Anne and Sean left around midnight and Bones not long after. Ghost had a buddy pick him up so that left me, Lex, and Sig.

Sig passed out on us so Lexi started paintin' his fingernails. She asked if I wanted to help and I was pretty drunk so I did. Only we ended up paintin' up and down his arms. I even put a rainbow on his forehead and Lex painted a pink heart on his cheek.

Lex grabbed my phone at some point and noticed I had Facebook. So she took the liberty of addin' everybody and postin' pictures all over my wall.

I wrestled it away from her and then she talked me into takin' a bunch of pictures of me and her posin' with Sig. He shoulda known better than to pass out first.

We finally decided we better call it a night so I left Jack a $50 dollar tip and me and Lex dragged Sig home; and by me and Lex I mean I was carrying Sig over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes while Lex skipped along beside me. His house wasn't far though.

After about five minutes of tryin' to figure out how to sneak him inside through his bedroom window, we gave up and left him on the porch. We rang the doorbell though. Well, Lex rang the doorbell and I waited on the sidewalk.

Sig's dad answered in his pajamas with a sigh, "Again?"

Lexi giggled as she started runnin' towards me with a wave to Sig's dad, "Sorry Mr. Bennett!"

He waved her off as he started helping Sig inside. Siggy was gonna be shitty tomorrow but we knew he wouldn't stay mad long. So I walked Lex the few blocks to her house and made sure she made it inside before finally headin' home.

I stumbled in the door and Dolly was waitin' on me, big tail thumpin' hard against the wood floor. I knelt down, lettin' her love all over me as I scratched all along her head and back.

"Did you miss yer' daddy, baby girl? Huh? You _did_! Aww, daddy missed you too. You been a good girl while daddy's been gone? You _was_? Yeah, I thought you was. You're daddy's good girl. You wanna go outside, go potty? Well, c'mon then, little girl."

She whined and mewled, speakin' back to me as I talked to her.

I loved Dolly. I hated that I had to leave her alone so much. I mean, I saw her a lot, stoppin' in every couple hours to check on her when I was at work and stuff but I wondered if she was ever lonely. I think bein' lonely is one of the worst things you can be and I sure wouldn't wish it on her for nothin'.

Grabbing her leash, I took her on a short walk before bed. Pullin' out a square, I lit it up as she sniffed along the ground. It was kinda quiet out, bein' so late and all. The moon was full and hung low, the crickets were chirpin', and the sky was full of stars.

I wondered what Brady was doin'. If he was bein' safe.

I'm a little ashamed to admit that I been stalkin' the boy pretty hard on FaceBook since we broke up. It's funny that in all this time my heart still beats a little faster when I look at him. It still aches, too. That's something I thought might start fadin' by now. I mean, it's been a little over a year.

When I was in prison it seemed like the days dragged on. I felt every fuckin' hour…every minute. It was like that when I first got out to, like I still wasn't really free. I guess I'm still not but time works a little different now. I look forward to things like work, or hangin' out with Sig and Lex, getting off work so I can play with Dolly. It made time go faster.

I never really looked forward to anything before Brady. He made it so I wanted to see another day…another hour. I was kinda indifferent before so time moved real slow. It doesn't now. It moves fast and _fuck_, it's been a year and three months since we broke up. How could it be so fuckin' long ago? The wound still feels fresh. It still hurts. I wonder if I'm _ever_ gonna get over him.

I sighed, brushin' my thumb across his picture and accidentally goin' back to my page. I really needed to figure out this FaceBook bullshit.

There were a bunch of 'likes' and shit on pictures Lex posted. Some comments, too. And I know it's pathetic but the thought that maybe Brady had liked or said somethin' made my heart race.

**Edward Cullen-Whitlock:** Congrats on the 2 years! It's nice to see you having fun.

**Jay Cullen-Whitlock:** What the fuck are you drinkin? Love you B.

**Miss Mary-Alice:** Looks fun! Congratulations, Brandon. We miss you!

**Esme Cullen:** We miss you, sweetie. Congratulations! I sent you a box of brownies, cookies, and desserts today. You should get them tomorrow. Oh, and there's a muffin with a paw print on it. That's for Dolly. Love you!

**Carlisle Cullen M.D.:** It's good to see you, son. Have fun and be safe. I'll call you tomorrow.

**JP Johnson:** LOOK AT MY CUZ USING TECHNOLOGY AND SHIT! Lookin good, man. But not as good as me. *oooooooh snap!*

I squinted and could see that last comment was Jeremiah. I figured the P was for Paul, his middle name but I didn't know why he was usin' Johnson as his last name. So I typed back.

**Brandon Whitlock**: why Johnson, cuz?

But shit. No comments from Brady. No likes from him either. Not that I really expected he would but it stung anyway.

I pulled up Brady's page and saw that he just posted a picture a few minutes ago. He musta been in a club 'cause it was dark but bright pink and green shadows casted across his face. His hair was messy, damp and sweaty. There was a sly smirk on his face, playin' it up for the camera. And his eyes were killin' me. Thick, black lashes over slivers of caramel, heavy black liner smudged around them and I was reaching down to adjust my dick.

Guys with makeup never really did it for me but somethin' bout that boy with his eyes all done up like that, barbell in his tongue peeking out over his shiny pink lip and I had to rub my palm over my dick a few times to relieve some pressure.

He was fuckin' gorgeous.

I scrolled through his pictures; he had been havin' a lot of fun it looked like. There were some pictures of him hangin' out with a bunch of guys at a concert, hair floppy and beer in his hand with a huge drunken grin. There were some of him dancin', men draped all over him. Others of him lookin' tore up as fuck with a little blond guy all wrapped around him. The blond guy was Nicky. From some of the pictures I'd think they were boyfriends as all over each other as they was, but after goin' through Nicky's page I figured they must just be fuck buddies.

Talk about a boner killer.

Throwin' down my cigarette, I sighed, "C'mon, girl. Let's hit the hay."

Dolly led me back to our place and after a quick drink of water she settled down on the rug at the end of my bed and passed out while I laid in bed and went through Brady's pictures. My dick was getting hard as I scrolled through so I went to my favorite one; it was a bright sunny day, a lake off in the background as Brady grinned at the camera. His hair was wet, little drops of water glistening on his pretty cocoa skin, chest bare and cheeks flushed.

He was so fuckin' beautiful. As hot as he was all dolled up, he was a million times sexier like this. Just real.

I jerked off to his picture, the release only providin' temporary relief 'cause as soon as I came down from the high, I was sad as fuck again.

It really fuckin' sucked seein' Brady with other guys. I hadn't been with nobody since that guy I let suck my dick in the club a few months ago. I used to be able to just go out and get off with no problem . When I was a kid on the street there was always some willing woman who'd let me in her bed for a few hours. They'd always kick me out soon after though. Hell, even after I got outta prison, it didn't take two hours before I was getting my dick wet in the bathroom of a gas station with some bitch willing to pull her skirt up and panties down. It was just sex. No big deal. It was just a need, a necessary life function like eatin' and sleepin' but I didn't know back then how _good_ sex could be.

Before Brady, I never just lost myself in somebody else. I've always been guarded, even when fuckin' 'cause I ain't ever really trusted no one. But I trusted Brady enough to just let my walls down and give him everythin' I had.

And, man, when I did that, Brady and me were amazin' together. When we made love it was unlike anythin' I ever felt before. It was beautiful. We'd fuck like our lives depended on it until we'd be so exhausted we'd just collapse, sweaty and breathless. Every emotion drained, every wall broken, bodies limp and heavy but grins on our faces as we'd use that last little bit of strength to cling to one another before letting sleep take us. It felt safe. It felt like home.

I never had a home before. I've slept in a million different places but never had a home.

Brady was home for me and now I felt as lost as I did when I was a kid wandering the streets of Houston lookin' for shelter.

The difference is that this time I'm a grown man who knows what actin' a'fool outta fear and loneliness will get ya. I didn't ever wanna go back to that life, that _existence_ 'cause really it wasn't much of a life. But I had a life now. One with friends, a job I loved and was good at, a dog who was my best friend and needed me, and a kinda peaceful, easy life.

It was nice mostly. No reason to fuck it up especially if Brady was movin' on. That's all that really mattered to me anyway. He seemed to be pretty happy, even if sometimes it seemed a little fake. But his posts about school and his friends were good so that was good, right?

That's what I wanted. I wanted him to enjoy these years of his life. I didn't wanna hold him back and I wasn't no more. Brady was flyin' free and even though it sucked to see him with these motherfuckers, one thing I was grateful for was that there was a lot of 'em. 'Cause it would hurt a Hell of a lot worse to see him with just _one_ guy all the time. If it made him feel better to fuck around, I got that, I understood. I'd be doin' the same thing if my god damn heart wasn't tied to my dick but somehow that little shit twisted me all up. I ain't the same no more. I'm good with that though. I'd rather sex mean something. I'd rather be loved and in love because nothin' else really compares. So as long as he didn't go fallin' in love with somebody else, I could deal.

I was gonna have to deal regardless 'cause I treated him like shit and did him really wrong. It may have been a long time ago now, but it felt like I was relivin' my actions every day. I ain't never been so sorry for somethin' for so long in my whole entire life.

I just wished I could tell him that. That I was sorry for hurtin' him and bein' cold. I didn't mean it to go down that way, I just panicked and it was too easy to revert to my old ways. It's a scary thing to admit you need people 'cause there's always that good chance they're not gonna stick around so it's better to push them away first. It's easier to protect yourself that way.

What you don't realize till you grow up a little though is that if you ain't willin' to feel the bad that can come with surrendering yourself over to someone, then you ain't ever gonna feel the good either.

My phone dinged as I was getting ready to set it aside for the night. I knew it wasn't Brady commenting or anything but my heart sped up a bit anyway.

**JP Johnson: **So crazy ex-bitches can't find me ;)

"Fuckin' Jeremiah," I chuckled as I closed my phone and set it aside. Then I called Dolly up to lay down next to me so I had somethin' warm to hold onto as I fell asleep.

:::

I had been helpin' out at the Center for a few months now. Melitta knew I wouldn't do the phones so she let paint the place instead. It wasn't hard, just kinda borin' and messy but she asked if I'd paint a mural on one outside wall so that was kinda cool.

And it actually felt good to be doin' something for, like, humanity and shit. It was nice that kids had a place to go to that was safe. I wish Angel woulda had somethin' like this. Brady too.

I wiped my forehead with the back of my arm as I looked up at the wall. It looked pretty good but it was hot as balls out here and I was dyin'. My wife beater wasn't all that white no more and after sweatin' like a whore in church all day I peeled it off and used it to wipe the sweat and paint from my chest.

A small gasp caused me to turn my head to see Melitta standin' there talkin' with a guy who was starin' at me, mouth open and cheeks flushed. When he saw I caught him lookin', he turned back to Melitta with a grin and whispered something that made her start giggling.

Then he turned back to me and flashed a grin. I found myself giving a small smile back before tuckin' my hair behind my ear and duckin' down to put my stuff away.

It felt weird to smile like that at someone.

An hour later, Melitta was beggin' over lunch, hands clasped on the table and everything.

"Oh come on, Brandon! You need to get out there again! Didn't you think he was cute?"

I huffed before takin' a bite of my burger and thinkin' bout the guy from the Center. Melitta said he was totally into me and she wanted to fix us up on a date. The guy was actually pretty cute. He was definitely my type. He had pretty golden-brown skin, jet black hair that hung loose around his face, and a pretty smile.

I should be ready to get back out there. I mean, Brady was probably sleepin' with half of Seattle so why couldn't I go on a date? It didn't even mean I had to have sex with the boy. We could just hang out and stuff. It might not be so bad.

Swallowin' my bite, I took a drink of my Coke then rolled my eyes, "I guess. What do you know about him?"

She clapped her hands and told me what she knew, which wasn't much. His name was Mateo. He was a cook for his family's restaurant and was in college workin' on a degree in business. He worked part time at the Center helping out on the suicide hotline so I figured he must be a pretty decent guy.

So I found myself reluctantly agreeing.

I was pretty sure it was a bad idea, but Lexi and Lou Anne, Melitta and Sig seemed to think it was a good idea, so I decided to go through with it.

It was a really bad idea though. Brady was really the only person I ever dated. I'd slept around when I was younger but no one ever wanted to do much more than fuck so dating wasn't something I really knew about.

Especially a blind date. What the fuck was I thinkin'?

Grippin' the edge of the sink, I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror. I really didn't wanna do this. I hated meetin' new people. I always felt awkward and stupid and _fuck_ I really didn't wanna do this.

I was supposed to meet Mateo in front of the Center in fifteen minutes and I honestly thought I might pass out before then. My palms were sweaty, everythin' was itchy. I felt like I was gonna jump outta my skin.

I'm really bad one-on-one. Like really bad. Brady was the only person I was ever real comfortable with fast, but I got to spend time with him in a big group first. There wasn't no expectation of anything with him so I didn't feel so awkward and like I was gonna make a fool of myself.

But it was too late to back out now.

I gritted my teeth and focused on breathin' calmly through my nose as I mumbled, "Calm down, Brandon. This is gonna be fine. You can do this."

Takin' in one big breath and slowly exhalin', I let go of the sink and ran my hands through my hair, pushin' it back as I took myself in.

I wasn't dressed up, just usual jeans and t-shirt 'cause if he didn't like me the way I was then fuck him.

Grabbin' my wallet and keys, I said good-bye to Dolly before headin' out.

It was a nice night out so I decided to take my bike. I figured the date I had planned was within walking distance if he didn't wanna ride on the back.

I pulled into the parking lot behind the building and walked around to the front. He wasn't here yet so I let out a breath before pulling out a square and lightin' up.

When he got there, I was almost done with the cigarette. He walked up looking good as fuck in a fitted pair of dark gray slacks and dark red button up. There was a grimace on his face as he looked up at me, "Oh, I don't like smoking."

Blowing my last hit up in the air, I flicked the butt and gave a small smile, "Sorry. I won't smoke around you if it bothers you."

He nodded and just rolled on the balls of his feet for a moment, hands shoved in his pocket as we stood there awkwardly.

"So, um, I'm Mattie, by the way. I assume you're Brandon?"

Now I nodded, kinda feelin' thrown off by the vibe he gave me. He seemed like he really didn't wanna be here. But, I don't know, maybe he was just nervous, too.

"Yeah."

I didn't know what else to say. I knew I probably should say something but I couldn't get my brain and mouth to function at the same time from the weight of the god damn awful awkwardness that hung in the air.

"So did you have a plan for tonight or…"

He trailed off and I was kinda brought back to reality.

"Oh, yeah. I was thinkin' we could go eat then maybe the art museum."

His perfectly arched eyebrow arched even higher as he crossed his arms over his chest and sighed like I just said the stupidest thing ever.

"Art Museum? Really?"

Now I was getting kinda pissed so I glared back, "Yeah. You don't like art either?"

He rolled his pretty brown eyes but dropped his arms, "The art museum reminds me of middle school field trips. It's boring. Can't we go somewhere fun? Like a club?"

The only reason guys went to those clubs was to hook up or dance. I didn't wanna do either one. On a _date_ I'd like to go somewhere quiet where we could talk a little, get to know each other. Not a club where'd I'd drink too much, watch him dance with other people 'cause I don't dance, then either end up getting into a fight or angry-fuckin' him in the back alley behind the club.

That didn't sound like a fun night to me.

Taking a deep breath, I scratched my fingers along my scalp as I shook my head. "Nah, I ain't really into that."

I really wasn't diggin' this guy but I should at least try to be nice.

I dropped my arms, and smiled, "How 'bout we go get something to eat and we can figure it out?"

Mattie let out his breath and gave a small smile back, "Okay. What do you want to eat?"

"I don't care. You choose." I was gonna say Taco Bell because it was only a couple blocks down but I kinda figured he might be an ass about it so I thought the polite thing to do would be to let him choose.

And besides, he smiled back a little. So maybe we didn't hit it off like me and Brady but we could eventually. Maybe.

"Well, you aren't really dressed to-"

Was this little fucker gonna insult me?

I cut him off with a raised eyebrow and he stumbled over his words, "Um, it, uh…doesn't matter. Oh, I know a place!"

He finally perked up and smiled, "Do you want to take your car or mine?"

I smirked as I looked him up and down, "I don't think you're gonna wanna get on my bike in them pants."

He rolled his eyes with a sigh as he mumbled, "Of course you drive a motorcycle. Come on. My car is down the block."

I wasn't really sure what he meant by that comment and he was really startin' to test my patience. He may be good lookin' like Brady but he ain't nowhere near as pretty.

Following along, I snuck a look at his ass. It was nice but nothin' special.

Fuck, I really missed Brady.

He led me to a little Camry and I took a deep breath before closin' myself into a confined space with this asshole. It reminded me of sharin' a cell.

First thing I did was roll down the window. I wanted a cigarette but knew that wasn't a good idea. I figured I should try to talk to him even though I really didn't want to.

"So, uh, you don't like art? What's that about?"

He just shrugged as he looked out at the road ahead, "It's not that I don't like it. It's fine. I just don't get into it much. It's kind of boring."

"That sucks since I'm an artist."

"Melitta said you worked at a tattoo shop."

"I do. I'm a tattoo artist."

"Oh," he laughed as he rolled his eyes, "That's not really art. You guys basically trace things. You use a photocopier and everything."

That pissed me off. I might not be good enough to have a ninja turtle named after me but I don't trace other people's shit.

"That's bullshit. I draw about 90% of the shit I ink. We only use the copier for sizing pieces."

"I'm sure you're very good. It's just not my thing."

"Well, what the f-"

Slow your roll, Brandon.

I took a breath to calm down before continuing, "What _is_ your thing, Mateo?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. I like animals. I have a Persian."

"What the fuck is a Persian?" Tough shit if he didn't like my language, which by the look on his face, he didn't.

"It's a cat."

"Oh. I got a dog."

"What kind?"

"Pit bull."

His eyes went wide as glanced over at me, "Those are vicious dogs. They're violent."

"No. They're just dogs. They're loyal and smart, better than most people. Dolly wouldn't hurt no one."

"They attack people all the time. It's always on the news."

"That's bullshit. Have you ever gotten to know a pit bull? Have you taken the time to teach them right from wrong? _Any_ dog, a fuckin' Rottweiler to a little mother fuckin' Chihuahua all got it in 'em to be vicious. You treat 'em bad, starve 'em, fight 'em, don't teach 'em how to behave then of course they're gonna go crazy. You would too. But if you're good to 'em, they're good to you. _Loyal_. Dogs are mean 'cause someone's mean to them. They _wanna_ love us. They _wanna_ be loved. _All_ dogs do."

Dogs didn't deserve to be treated like that. No living thing did.

He pulled into a parking space at an apartment complex and I frowned as he turned and gave me a nervous smile.

"You make a compelling argument but I still wouldn't want to be alone in a room with one."

I frowned, "Where are we?"

Biting his lip, he held up his hands in surrender, "Okay, look. We're clearly not a match made in Heaven but I was thinking that it didn't mean the night had to be a waste. I find you attractive and you must find me attractive since you agreed to this date so…"

I couldn't even say anything. Was this little asshole really sayin' what I think he was sayin'?

He drummed one hand nervously against the steering wheel as he eventually rolled his eyes and then plastered a pissy little smirk on his face while his fingers trailed between his legs, "If you want to come upstairs we could stop talking."

Wow. I wasn't used to guys bein' so forward. And so fuckin' insulting.

Fuck this little bastard.

I huffed then gave him my best smartass smirk as I shook my head, "No thank you. Have a nice night."

Then I opened the door and got out. I grabbed my squares from my pocket and lit one up as I started walking away.

He jumped out after me yelling, "Wait! Where are you going?"

Turning around, I took a drag from my square and slowly exhaled, "I don't wanna be alone in a room with _you_. You're a million times more vicious than any pit bull I ever seen. At least I was polite to you at first. You ain't been nothin' but rude to me the second you showed up. It's not attractive to treat people like that. Even people like me who you _clearly_ think are beneath you. But let me tell you something…"

I trailed off for a second as something hit me. I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I just wanted to love and be loved.

Taking a breath, I continued, "People have treated me like shit my whole life and I don't deserve that. You don't _know_ me. I'm not perfect but I can be good when I wanna be. And I don't deserve to be treated like that 'cause I didn't do nothin' wrong to you. So I'm walkin' home and you can go fuck yourself."

His mouth dropped open as I took another drag and walked away.

It wasn't that long of a walk and even though the date had been a fuckin' nightmare, I couldn't stop grinnin' all the way home.

::

"So how'd your date go?" Lexi grilled me the minute I walked through the door the next morning.

I smiled, "Fuckin' sucked."

She cocked an eyebrow, "You look suspiciously happy about that."

Shrugging, I walked in my booth and started getting my shit ready for my first appointment.

Leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest, she smiled, "I've got to get ready for my appointment too, so we will discuss this in detail at lunch. But let me just ask you this: did you bang him?"

Chuckling, I looked over my shoulder at her and grinned, "Nope."

"You're so weird," she laughed as she rolled her eyes and walked away.

Later at lunch when I told her and Sig what happened she told me she was proud of me. Sig bitched 'cause he said no one's ever wanted him for his body or anything else really. But then he smiled when we left and patted my shoulder, "Good for you, man. You deserve someone to treat you good."

My face cracked a smile a mile wide as I bumped lightly into his shoulder, "Aww Sig, you deserve to be treated good too."

He looked up at me and dead-panned, "Don't make this weird, dude."

Batting my eyelashes in innocence, he laughed as he pushed my shoulder, "You're such a dick."

I laughed back, "But you're a sweetheart, Siggy."

"Asshole."

Scratchin' at my scruffy chin, I grinned down at him with a chuckle, "Yeah."

:::

"I'm so sorry, Brandon. I should've got to know him better before I hooked you up. I'm sorry he was an ass."

Melitta and I took a break from the Center, settling on a park bench at the lake to eat while I fed the ducks. I shrugged as I tossed some of my bread to the ground for the ducks. "It's not your fault. He was a wolf in sheep's clothin'. I can be a wolf too but I don't try and hide it."

"No, you're a decent guy. I just can't believe he'd be such a dick! I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you. I feel really bad."

An idea struck me like lightnin' as I grinned over at her, "There is one thing you can do."

Clasping her hands together, she frowned up at me with a sigh, "Anything, Brandon. I feel awful."

"You remember my buddy, Sig? You met him at the diner a couple times."

She raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Yeah?"

"Ask him out on a date."

Her brown eyes went wide, "What? No. Why?"

"You said you'd do anything. And besides you said he was cute that one time and you ain't datin' that prick Michael no more."

"Well, I mean, he's kind of cute in a weird way but he's really not my type."

I took another bite of my sandwich then tossed out a few more crumbs to the ducks. "Try somethin' new. It's one date. Who knows. You may like him. But one thing I can guarantee is that he'll at least be nice to you and treat you like a gentleman."

Givin' her my best 'hey remember when you set me up with that dick' eyebrows, she finally sighed, "Yeah, okay. You're right. He did seem really nice."

I grinned as I handed her my phone. She huffed, "Really? Right now?"

"Yup. Time's a'wastin', darlin'. Every second we're one step closer to death."

Snatchin' the phone from my hand with an exasperated eye roll, she pulled up Sig's number, grumbling the whole time.

She put it on speaker as the phone started ringing.

"Yo. 'Sup homie?" Sig answered and I tried to hold my snickering down.

"Um, heyyy Sig. This is Melitta. Brandon's friend. Do you remember me?"

There was a bit of a crash comin' through the phone then the sound of a few muttered curse words.

Melitta chuckled, "You okay over there?"

There was a lot of shufflin' goin' on for a minute before he came back to the phone, sounding outta breath. He rasped, "Yeah! Yes! I'm fine. Sorry I was attacked by a rogue band of hoodlums. Don't worry though I handled it like a boss."

I rolled my eyes and tried not to laugh as Sig rambled nervously. Melitta gave me a look and I just raised an eyebrow.

She sighed, "So, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to get together this weekend? We could maybe go to a movie or something?"

"For real? But you're so hot…"

That made her giggle and she started to blush, "Um, thank you. And yeah. For real."

"Awesome! Yes! Oh my God, I thought you were so pretty the first time I saw you. I can't believe you want to go out with me. Seriously this is like my best day ever."

She rolled her eyes but her cheeks darkened further as her lips curled into a grin, "Okay, well I'll text you my number so we can figure out the details."

"Okay. Sounds good. Thanks, Melitta. I'm really excited about seeing you again."

"Sure. Yeah, no problem. Um…me too. It'll be fun, I think. Well, I'll talk to you later then. Bye, Sig."

"Bye, Melitta."

She ended the call and typed out a quick text before handing me my phone.

I stuffed it in my pocket and smiled, "That was nice of you. Even if ya'll don't hit it off I think you'll have fun. Sig is funny."

I noticed her cheeks were still red as she smiled back, "Yeah maybe. He _was_ pretty funny. Maybe it won't be bad."

Feelin' like I just did my good deed for the day, we finished eating our lunch before heading back. Later I got a text.

**Sig: I know you're the reason I have a date with Melitta this weekend. Thank you. **

I typed back a smiley face. I was getting good at this technology bullshit.

:::

"Carlos! Yo, Carlos!" I hollered up at his window from out in the front yard. It wasn't that late but the moon hung in the sky. The cool night air helped ease the itch under my skin. I had to get outta the house for a while. I couldn't stop thinkin'.

It was a little scary. For so long I could shut myself down pretty easily. I could lose hours to nothin' but now, I couldn't _stop_ _thinkin'_ and it was drivin' me a little crazy. I was thinkin' about that dick Mateo and how he only wanted a ghetto fling in the sack but didn't even really wanna be seen with me in public. I was thinkin' of Brady and how he genuinely _wanted_ to be seen with me in public. How he was afraid I'd be embarrassed to be seen with him when we first hung out at Taco Bell and then again at the Home Depot. I was thinkin' about Angel and what mighta been if I hadn't been so god damn stupid. I didn't think Angel was the great love of my life, the more time goes on I reserve that title for Brady, but I wondered if me and Angel woulda still been friends. He was one of the best friends I ever had. I really missed him. I missed Brady's friendship, too.

So after all that missin' and wishin' and hurtin'…I just didn't wanna be alone tonight. Or ever, really.

"Carlos! Ven aqui, cabron!" I yelled again. I couldn't call his house phone 'cause his momma would just answer and hang up on me. She hated me. And that was obvious way before I started showin' up outside of her house hollerin' for Carlos.

I heard her screamin' inside the house when Carlos popped his head outta his upstairs window.

"Yo, B! S'goin' on, man?"

"Chillin', man. You wanna hang?"

"Yeah, give me a minute!" He went back inside and I could hear him arguin' with his momma before he finally come outside, her on his heels cussin' in Spanish as she followed him down the steps.

"Mom, back off! I never go out! I'll be fine!"

I smiled, "Que pasa, Miss Guzman."

She gave me a death glare as I opened the door of my truck and hopped in. Carlos wasn't too far behind. I waved as I pulled away with a laugh, "Man, your momma hates me with a passion."

"Eh, mom hates everyone. She's just scared I'm going to leave and take my disability check with me."

"That's harsh, man."

He shrugged as he reached over to grab a cigarette from my pack on the console. He got it lit after a couple tries, his one good hand shakin' pretty bad. I looked at him, eyebrow cocked in my best 'what the fuck' expression. Why the fuck is he smokin'? And why the fuck is he shakin' like that?

Carlos let out a defeated sigh, shoulders sagging as he blew a puff of smoke out the window. "I ran out of pain pills a few days ago. It's cool though. I can get my script filled next week."

"You need some money, man?"

If he needed money to get his pills, I could swing that.

"No. I just can't refill it yet."

Oh, I got it now.

"Your momma sold your pills, huh?"

He lowered his eyes then turned them away from me to look out the side window. "Yeah."

I had to grind my teeth to keep myself from cursin'. He was only allowed so many pills a month and his bitch of a momma usually ended up sellin' over half. Scrubbing a hand over my face, I tried to focus on the problem at hand.

"You hurtin'? Ya need to go to the hospital? 'Cause I got no problem takin' you…"

He shifted in his seat, eyes back on me, "I don't have the money for a hospital visit and they'll start asking questions about where my pills went. I can't deal with that, B. It's not that bad. I can handle it."

Damn. I didn't give a shit if his bitch mom went down for sellin' his pills but if she went down then he had nobody. It wasn't like I could take care of him. But I couldn't stand to watch him hurtin' either.

"I can't get you no pain pills but I might be able to get you somethin' to help."

Bustin' a left at the stop sign, I headed to Uncle Wayne's house.

.

.

.

Pounding on Uncle Wayne's front door I chuckled under my breath when I heard him stumblin' around, cussin'.

"Police! Open up, ya ugly son of a bitch!" I hollered, tryin' not to laugh as he yanked open the door in a robe and sweatpants.

"Well, looky there. My favorite nephew. For what do I owe this pleasure?" He drawled out with a grin.

He gave me a quick one armed hug with a firm pat on the back as I huffed a laugh, "I need drugs, Unc."

Uncle Wayne laughed and ran a hand through his dirty blond hair, "Drugs? What you talkin' bout, boy? You on parole…"

Noddin' my head over at Carlos who was standin' behind me, I sighed, "This is my buddy, Carlos. His momma sold his pain pills. I know you ain't got nothin' like that but thought you might have a little smoke I could buy off ya? He just needs somethin' to take the edge off."

Uncle Wayne had given up alcohol but he still smoked weed.

He didn't even hesitate, "Yeah, man. I got you. You ain't smokin' though, right?"

I smiled proudly, "Nope. Still drug free. It fuckin' sucks."

Turnin' towards the hallway, he chuckled, "Yeah, yeah but what can you do. They got ya by the balls, son."

"Ain't that the mother fuckin' truth," I mumbled under my breath.

He disappeared into the back bedroom and Carlos nudged me with his elbow, "Are you sure this is okay? I don't wanna get you in trouble, B."

I told him it would be fine and not to worry about it when Uncle Wayne interrupted shouting from the bedroom, "Ya'll make yourselves at home, little nephew! Mi casa, su casa!"

Uncle Wayne was in an awfully good mood. It made me suspicious.

Walking into the kitchen, I yanked open the fridge and grabbed a couple bottles of water as I hollered back, "The fuck you bein' so nice for, Wayne?!"

I handed a bottle to Carlos as Wayne came strutting into the kitchen with a cigarette cellophane stuffed with a couple of big buds.

He let out a long drawn-out laugh and smiled, "Got a new job, sold the house. I'm movin' to Dallas with my ol' lady at the end of the month."

"Good for you, man." I cracked open the bottle and took a long drink. I really wanted to get high but the risk wasn't worth it. So I drowned the temptation in water.

I finished the bottle, crushing it with a crunchy poppin' noise and tossing it in the trash.

Taking the bud, I jutted my chin out towards the couch, "You mind if I just roll this shit here? It's easier to eat a joint then a baggie. If I get pulled over, Carlos, I hope you know you're eatin' this shit."

He snorted, noddin' his head and Uncle Wayne chuckled.

"Yeah, son, go ahead."

Flopping down on the couch, I dumped the baggie's contents on the table and started breaking it up. "You got a couple papers?"

Wayne reached in his robe pocket and pulled out a pack of zig zags. He tossed them to me as he settled into his recliner.

Carlos was standing there, his good hand shoved in his pants pocket while he held his bad hand against his body. He was nervous, rollin' on the balls of his feet a little but wincing every now and then with a little teeter-totterin' like he's tryin' not to fall over.

I hated that he was in pain.

"Sit down, man." I motioned with my chin for him to sit down on the other end of the couch. He nodded again, slowly moving forward like he was tryin' his best to stay upright. I wanted to bitch smack his momma.

He finally sat down and maneuvered himself into a position that had him letting out a breath of relief but only for a moment before he was cringing again.

I filled the paper and rolled that shit up. Then I started working on another one. I'd get two joints out of it so hopefully that could tide him over a little while.

"Why don't ya'll just hang here a while? Your buddy can blaze so you ain't gotta be out on the road doin' it. I'm headin' to bed soon anyway." Uncle Wayne offered and I was grateful 'cause I really didn't wanna have Carlos smokin' my truck out.

"Yeah, good lookin' out, Unc. How much you want for this?"

I handed the first joint to Carlos and fished my lighter and squares outta my pocket. I lit up a cigarette and handed him the lighter so he could toke up.

Uncle Wayne leaned forward, elbow on his knees and head resting in his hands. He gave a small smile, dimple in his left cheek barely noticeable, "Don't worry 'bout it, son. It's on the house."

He looked kind of sad and I couldn't help but think he looked younger than he normally did. I could see something vulnerable in his eyes and that wasn't something you seen often in Uncle Wayne.

I caught him at a bad time.

"What's goin' on, Wayne?"

Dragging a hand through his hair, his head hung down as he sighed, "Your Aunt Barb ain't doin' good. It won't be long till she's gone. You should think about goin' to see her very soon."

I huffed, lickin' my tongue across the sticky edge of the paper, "Christ, is that woman still alive?"

Uncle Wayne knew how I felt about her. I was locked up and never got to witness any change in that woman. I just remember her bein' mean like my momma. I remember her not lettin' me stay there so I had to live on the streets at 15 years old. I remember her passin' out for days leavin' her babies to fend for themselves. I didn't really care about her. Maybe that made me a bad person.

"Yeah, she's hangin' in there. I know you got your problems with her and I understand that, son. But try and remember that she's your cousin's mama and my big sister."

Well, shit.

I _did_ care about Jeremiah and Suzie. Hell, I even cared about Uncle Wayne because I had seen the worst of him but I seen some good, too. He might not be able to make up for the things he done but he could at least be sorry and do better with his life. Not make the same mistakes again. I got that.

So while Aunt Barb dyin' would be kinda hard for Jeremiah and Suzie, it would be hard on him, too. He would be the last livin' among his brothers and sisters. I imagine that had to be a pretty hard thing to deal with. Especially since he wasn't even all that old. No parents either. Granny had died a few months ago but I didn't go to the funeral. She was never that nice to me or the kids.

It was a weird and kinda terrifyin' thought that most Whitlocks died in their 50's. I'd be 30 in 2 ½ years. I'd wasted so much of my life. Was still wastin' it really.

Lost in my thoughts for a little too long, I mumbled out a quick, "Yeah, sure. I'll try and get over there." Then I took another drag of my square and tried not to think about my own mortality.

_Then_ I took a look at my cigarette and thought that maybe I should think about quittin'.

"We should consider ourselves lucky, son."

I raised an eyebrow as I slowly exhale and Uncle Wayne goes on.

"We get a second chance. Lot o'people never get that. Well, ya'll lock up on your way out. I'm headin' to bed." He stood and squeezed my shoulder as he walked by on his way to his bedroom.

He was right. A lot of people never did get a second chance. Angel. My daddy. My buddy Cliff back in Huntsville. He'd never get out. That coulda been me.

But it ain't. I'm still here. I should be more thankful.

Carlos had been coughin' a little but after a few hits he was melted back into the couch, lazy grin on his face, and no hitch in his voice as he sighed, "This is great. Thanks, man. I really needed this."

I leaned back into my cushion, hands restin' on top of my stomach as I kicked a leg up on the coffee table, "Yeah, man. Your bones feel better?"

He nodded, slow and sloppy, his good hand holdin' the joint loosely as his arm hung over the edge of the couch, his bad hand tucked behind his head that laid on the arm of the couch.

"Yeah. Much better. I don't know why they don't just legalize this shit. It makes the pain just go away."

I tried to force a smile because I didn't get to spend much time with Carlos so I didn't wanna be all sullen and shit.

But my mind was all over the place, thoughts racin'. I was thinking about dyin' and never bein' truly happy, the way Aunt Barb was and the way my daddy did. I hoped Uncle Wayne found it. I hoped he got his chance.

And I thought about that asshole, Mateo. I wondered if anyone would ever love me again like Brady did. Or if I was destined to a life of selfish little pricks who just wanted me to get them off then disappear. I wondered if I was as stupid as I felt sometimes. Brady always said I was street smart, and maybe I am but I don't always understand people. I don't get how they can just be so mean for no reason. I can be mean too but I always got a reason for it.

"What's wrong, B?"

Carlos' broke me from my thoughts as I glanced over at him.

"Nothin', man. I'm good. Just tired, I guess."

Carlos' nodded like he didn't believe a word I just said, then he took another hit and choked out, "Bullshit."

Yeah, it was total bullshit.

I sighed, "I don't know, man. It's nothin'. What's been goin' on with you?"

Changing the topic was probably for the best and I really wanted to know how he'd been doin'. It had been a couple months since I seen him.

"Same old shit, B. What's going on with you? You might as well tell me, man. I know something's wrong."

Opening my eyes, I looked over to where he was slumped on his end of the couch. I was quiet for a minute, not sure what to say and what _not_ to say.

Carlos reached forward and put the joint in the ashtray. "Do you remember Miss Johnson?"

I furrowed my brow and folded my arms across my chest, "Yeah. Third grade art teacher. Why?"

He shifted on the couch, head on his arms as he melted back. "She came into the diner a few weeks ago. She had two little girls with her, her grandkids. Anyway, she remembered me. Recognized me right away. And she asked about you."

"Really?" It seemed weird she'd remember me.

"Yeah. She asked how you were doing. I told her you were good. That you were an artist now. She thought that was really cool. She said out of all her kids she remembered you the most because something about you having the heart of an artist or some shit. She even said she still has that clay monster you made. Said she used it in all her art classes."

Huh. That was pretty cool actually. That made me smile a little.

"I liked her best outta all my teachers. She was a real nice lady."

Carlos chuckled, stoned and giddy, "She's still nice, B. She gave me a twenty dollar tip."

Me and Carlos just hung out a while on the couch, reminiscing about elementary school. I always thought about all the bad things that happened when I was little. I guess I forgot about the little bit of fun we used to have.

It was nice to just hang and bullshit a while. It helped take my mind off other things. It wasn't till we was back in the truck, eatin' some late night Taco Bell, when Carlos threw me for a loop.

"B, can I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure."

"Why don't you have a girlfriend? It seems like it should be easy for you."

I damn near choked on my taco.

Once I took a drink of my Dr. Pepper, I cleared my throat and stared at the steering wheel, tryin' to think. I mumbled, "I don't know. Nothin' is as easy as it seems."

I didn't know what to say, what not to say. So I stuffed another taco in my mouth and started chewin'.

Carlos chewed his own food thoughtfully before taking a drink of his sweet tea. Then he looked out the window up at the dark sky, "My mom thinks you're gay."

And I choke again, slurping down my drink as he continues on, apparently not too concerned for my life. Maybe it wasn't as life threatening as it felt but still pretty fucked up.

"Yeah, that's _one_ of the reasons she don't like you. I mean, you _do_ show up at random yelling in the front yard."

I cut him off as I defended myself, "I tried callin' but she hangs up on me."

He chuckled, smacking me in the shoulder with his bad hand. "It doesn't matter, man. She'd find a reason to not like you. She doesn't like anybody. And anyway, I told her that it didn't matter to me because you're my friend."

That made me stop thinkin' of ways to defend myself and just focus on what he said.

"Come on, B. I'm a little slow sometimes but I'm not blind."

My heart was startin' to slow down a little. "Blind to what?"

He rolled his eyes, "Dude, you went through a rainbow phase in the third grade."

Now my mouth dropped open and I grumbled, "I liked drawin' rainbows 'cause I got to use all the colors."

I did go through a brief rainbow phase. For a while there I was throwin' rainbows in the background of all our comic book stories. I couldn't help it. I loved how all the colors blended and blurred together. How they could be bright and vibrant or soft and wispy. I just thought it was really pretty. And I always liked pretty things.

"I know, B. And I know that you've never had a real girlfriend, even though you've slept around a lot. But you never showed much interest. I remember being so jealous because the girls were always looking at you and you never even cared."

Because they were mean and ugly.

Carlos chuckled, "And B, I've been to a strip club with you, man. You looked like you just wanted to Febreeze yourself all night."

That pulled a laugh from me. That kinda _was_ how I felt.

After the laughter died down, Carlos sighed, "So, yeah. _Whatever_. Your big secret is out. I don't care but I still don't understand how you don't like boobs. That's so weird."

I chuckled before grabbing a burrito, "You're weird."

He chuckled back as he turned back to his food. It was all kind of weird… how easy it was. I really expected more shock and surprise. Definitely not this. But I mean, I guess it made sense. Carlos had known me a long time.

After that, I felt better.

Until he asked, "So, is your boyfriend that Carlisle guy you brought to the diner that one time?"

My cheeks burned because that was embarrassing, "Uh, no. That's my cousin's father-in-law. He's like a friend or somethin' but no."

"That's too bad. He gave me a huge tip. I bet he'd be a good boyfriend."

I chuckled, "He's happily married and not really my type. Seriously, it's kinda gross."

Because yeah Carlisle was attractive but he was friggin' _Carlisle_. I couldn't think dirty thoughts about him. He was like Jesus.

"Sorry, man. So, you want to go take me to see some boobs? That sounds like fun. There's a CVS right across the street from Beaver Town. We can stop and get you Febreeze and wet naps. Maybe a little bottle of hand sanitizer."

I pulled out a cigarette, laughin', "Fuck you, man. God damn, _Beaver_ _Town_?"

He shrugged, "What? Like your clubs are any better? What are they called? Dicks N Stuff?"

Carlos had me rollin'. He was always a funny little shit.

By the end of the night I felt a little better.

:::

"I see you're not petitioning for Seattle this time."

Shrugging, I sighed as I looked around the parole office. "It ain't like ya'll are gonna let me go 'fore my time is up. I know that."

Mr. Gnash shuffled through my papers, mumbling to himself before he spoke, "Well, you've only got two years to go. That's not too long."

I sat forward, hands clasped between my knees and replied, "Yeah, I mean it's only been _nine_ _years_ since I first got locked up. What's two more years?"

Pretty sure he could tell from my tone that what I really meant to say was "fuck you".

"Yeah, okay, Whitlock. Get the hell outta here. I'll see you Tuesday."

Rollin' my eyes I got up and turned to walk away.

But when I got to the door he huffed, "Whitlock?"

I stopped, took a breath and turned back to him with a raised eyebrow that meant 'what the fuck do you want?'

"You're doing pretty good, by the way."

Okay, that was surprisin'.

"What?"

He shrugged and closed the file on his desk, tilting his chair back to look me in the eye, "Well, I mean you're keeping steady employment, keeping a residence, paying bills, you're not behind on any of your payments to us, I even see you've been volunteering."

I was confused 'cause he wasn't being an ass.

"Yeah, so?"

He rolled his eyes so hard that shit looked like it hurt.

"So, those are the things a parole board likes to see."

I smiled, but I still wasn't sure where this was going. "Yeah?"

"Yes. A little tip. Think about continuing your education. You don't have to enroll in college but maybe look at some online classes. Maybe a trade program. You're a tattoo artist, right?"

Not gonna lie, I was a little dumbfounded.

"Uh, yeah?"

I don't know why it came out like a question but this fucker was throwin' me off, bein' nice to me.

Rummaging through some drawers in his desk, he pulled out some brochures and shit. "There are art classes and seminars that might be interesting to you. Some programs offered through museums and universities around the state, some conventions and things. These are things you can do that won't interfere with your job so you can still earn a living but may help you hone your craft. And let me tell you, Brandon, if you stay on the road you're on and do just a _little_ more, I think maybe six months to a year from now the parole board would consider granting your move."

Oh shit…was that a little glimmer of hope I just felt?

I grinned, unable to keep my guard up now. "Yeah?"

He nodded, "Yes."

Huh. Maybe this motherfucker was alright.

I held out my hand as he handed me the different brochures and print-outs he had gathered up.

"Thanks, man." I was genuinely appreciative because this man went outta his way to try and help me just now. It was unexpected because people almost never surprised me.

It was like how the Doc told me that I could never change who I was, all I could do was try to change how I dealt with the world around me, how I reacted to that world…and that eventually people would start reacting different to me. I guess the ol' lady was right after all.

He just smiled as he motioned to my arm, "Did you design your arms?"

Nodding, I lifted my sleeve to show the whole image. My arms were done now. I could always add to them in the future if I wanted but they were pretty damn perfect the way they were. He came around the desk to get a better look.

The next thing I knew, he was showin' me his ink, which fuckin' sucked by the way.

I chuckled at the fucked up portrait and couldn't help myself, "Man, that's fucked up. Shit looks like Bride of Chucky."

Huffing, he pulled down his sleeve, "Yeah, I know. I was eighteen and drunk…"

He trailed off and I asked, "Who's it supposed to be?"

"An ex-girlfriend. Like I said, I was really drunk that night."

I smiled, "I can cover it up for you."

He sat back on his desk with a chuckle as he buttoned his cuffs back. "Do I get a discount?"

A bark of laughter escaped my throat as I shook my head and smiled, "Hell naw, man. You're payin' full price. I may even charge you extra. But I can guarantee that when I'm done with your ink, you'll be happy. You'll be able to take off your shirt in front of a chick again without feelin' like a dumbass. That's what I'm offerin' you. Your fuckin' manhood 'cause that tattoo is bullshit."

Chuckling, he shook his head then said, "Okay, I'll call and make an appointment. Keep up the good work, Brandon."

He called me Brandon.

I smiled as I walked away, "Alright, man, but I'd make it soon if I were you."

He called me an asshole under his breath and I chuckled all the way out to my bike because I can change how I react to the world around me, but I'm still me.

:::

I used to get lost in my thoughts but I'm getting better at managing them. When lookin' at the shit my parole officer gave me for the millionth time and still not bein' sure about what I should do, I went to a place that helped me focus. The Art Museum.

I would've never found this sanctuary without Brady. When I come here that very first time with him I thought I'd be way too distracted by the way he smiled, and bounced down the halls, excited and passionate, and I _was_ distracted by all of it but I learned stuff too. Learnin' the history of some of the pieces made them more interesting, more real. It was easier to appreciate something if I could identify with the artist. Knowing their stories helped me do that so I started to like a lot of different kinds of art that I had never really given much thought to before. But I wanted to know more. I just didn't know if I could actually even pass a real class at an actual school.

For a while I walked around the museum, thinkin' and sometimes findin' myself stopped in front of a paintin' or sculpture just lost in the curves or colors. I really did love art. I was never a guy who spoke much, never got used to using words to express how I felt. I would just bottle it all up until I exploded and I still didn't use my words. I'd use my fists. But art gave me another way to release all that bullshit. I loved drawin', I loved inkin', and I loved paintin'; maybe I'd love sculptin' or basketweavin', fuck I didn't know. But I loved creatin' things and havin' something tangible to see or feel, something real.

So on my way out, I stopped by the information desk and signed up for a beginner's clay working class.

:::

"Hey, man, how'd the date go?"

Sig broke out into a huge grin as he looked up from his textbook, "It was great, man. Melitta was really cool. We're going out again next weekend. I really owe you one, B."

I nodded as I continued workin' on a sketch for an appointment I had comin' up in a few minutes. I was a little nervous but it was just me and Sig on the shop floor, everyone else was off in their booths, doors closed and the classic rock filtering through the place made me feel comfortable askin'.

"Yeah? I, uh, got somethin' you could maybe do for me."

He looked up again, "Sure. What do you want?"

I didn't know why it made me so nervous. Maybe I felt a little stupid. A little like a duck outta water. Or is that a fish outta water? It didn't matter. I was just nervous.

"There's this class at your school, um…this art history class, somethin' about renaissance and–" I cleared my throat, feelin' stupid for even askin', "Do you think I could pass somethin' like that?"

His eyes got wide for a second before he smiled, "Yeah, of course. Are you thinking of going back to school?"

I shook my head as I continued shadin' in the sketch on my lap, "Nah, nothin' like that. Just maybe a class or two every now and then. Stuff that I think might be cool. I'm already doin' what I wanna do. This would just be for, I don't know, fun?"

Sig smirked, "You're an artist, man. Artists need to be creative, we need an outlet. I mean, I know I'm just studying commercial design but it's still creative. I think you could pass the class. I can even help you because I took it last year. It's a cool class, very interesting. And even if you don't pass, who cares? You'd be doing it for the information, not the grade or credit."

That was true. So now to the real root of the problem.

"I'll be like the oldest guy there though. And there's probably a ton of people. I just don't know if that's somethin' I wanna deal with."

"You're not that old, dude. Just because you have a beard doesn't mean you're an old man yet."

I scratched at my chin and asked, "Does it make me look old?"

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Only _you_ could look like that and be insecure, dude. Seriously, I haven't shaved in three weeks and I barely have stubble. It's bullshit. Anyway, you should totally do it, man. It'll be fine. If you sign up for a class after 3pm on Wednesday or Thursday I can maybe go with you. I'm in good with the professor. I'm sure he'd let me sit in with you if you didn't wanna go alone."

I looked up at him and frowned, "But you already took the class. You'd really sit through it again for me?"

"Well, yeah, man. Sure. Oh my God, do _not_ look at me like that, dude. Do _not_ fall in love with me. I finally met a girl who wants all up on this so I am done stroking your ego. Not stroking, just petting…no, not petting either. Damn it, Brandon. You're a dick."

I had started fluttering my eyelashes at him half way through his little speech. It probably tickled me way too much to fuck with Sig but in this life, you take happiness where you can get it.

:::

The pottery class was fun. Pretty much all the women there looked at me like they wanted to do that scene from Ghost but it was still fun. I learned a lot and made Lou Anne an ashtray. She liked it. But now I was steppin' onto an actual campus, probably not near as nice as the one Brady went to, but a real school and it made me nervous.

I pulled my baseball hat down low, zipped up the hoodie I was wearin' then lugged a backpack Sig loaned me on my shoulder. I kept my head down, feelin' awkward as I waited for Sig to meet me.

There was about a million thoughts runnin' through my head and they mostly seemed to be some sort of escape because I was very close to hoppin' on my bike and cuttin' the fuck out.

Lexi would be mad but she already got her picture. Of course, I had to break down and tell her about this class. So, she pounded on my door this mornin' till I agreed to let her take a picture of me with my backpack. I flipped off the camera but she was still pretty happy about it.

"Yo, B!"

I look up to Sig joggin' up to me. By the time he gets to me, he's red-faced, breathing in ragged breaths as he says, "Sorry…I'm on the…other side of …campus and…shit, I'm outta shape…think I'm gonna die…okay, so…you ready to do this?"

I nodded, not feelin' ready at all but seein' him on the verge of passin' out made me feel too guilty to turn back now.

He walked with me to the class. There were a lot of people in it but it wasn't a huge school so it wasn't as bad as I thought. He led me up to the back corner of the room, kinda away from most people so that was nice. He plopped down in a chair and nodded to the one next to it. I shuffled my way to it, tryin' to be as quiet as possible so people wouldn't notice me too much. He started rummaging through his backpack and pulled out two bottles of water. Handing me one, he chuckled as he leaned over and whispered, "Dude, you've been in prison. This can't be that scary."

He was wrong though. I couldn't escape prison. I had to do it. I had no choice. But I could run outta here whenever I wanted. I could go hide in my apartment with Dolly on my lap watchin' funny animal videos on YouTube.

But I really wanted to pass this class. I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. And that was scary because I had the chance to fail.

.

.

.

"Man, there ain't no way I can write a paper. No fuckin' way. I can't do this class, Sig. I just can't."

"Bullshit, dude. You know this stuff."

"I know but I ain't good at English and shit. I don't even know how to write a fuckin' paper. I quit school in the ninth grade."

"I'll help you. You tell me your thoughts and I'll put them down on paper and make sure the grammar and all that bullshit is right. It's not like I can get in trouble for helping you with it since I'm not actually in the class. Don't worry about it, B."

"I think I love you Sig."

"Dude! I told you, not gonna happen!"

:::

I hadn't let myself really dwell on the thought before, but with these few little classes I been takin' and shit finally fallin' in place, I let myself think about the possibility of really movin' to Seattle. If what Mr. Gnash said was true, I could be livin' in a Seattle in just a few months. I'd get to be around my family. I'd get to see JJ grow up. I could maybe get Brady back. Maybe. If he wasn't with someone else. If he'd even speak to me. Shit, he probably wouldn't speak to me. It had been almost two years since we broke up. The last few months flew by, me bein' so busy tryin' to impress the shit outta the parole board with classes and bullshit. It wasn't that bad though. I was actually learnin' a lot and most of it was pretty interesting. I even got to ride my bike up to Dallas and stay a couple days for a tattoo/ink convention. That was cool because I saw some new styles of inkin' that I had never seen before. It was cool how things were always evolving.

I only had a couple months left till my next parole hearin' and all I could think about was the possibility of seeing Brady again. In the flesh and not just on pictures. I had to do something because the thought of seeing him and not being able to just reach out and pull him into a hug was heartbreaking. I had to contact him. I wanted to apologize to him if nothin' else. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for doin' him like that but doin' nothin' is always easier than doin' somethin' so I kept ignoring it until two days turned into two months then into two years. Two god damn years.

God, he still looked good. A little different, hair a little shorter, a little stubble on his chin but god damn, he was beautiful. In the past couple months it looked like he had come outta his party stage. I had worried about him a few times when he posted pictures of himself lookin' completely trashed but I figured if there was actually a problem then his friends would step in.

He looked better now though. He looked brighter, happier, and it looked real, not fake like I had seen so many times before. He posted a picture of himself with a little red Mustang he affectionately called Lucy after the late Lucille Ball. The post tagged Esme and Carlisle, thanking them for his birthday/Christmas/early graduation gift.

He was graduatin' in the Spring. If I played my cards right I could get there soon after.

But if I went, I'd be leavin' everyone here behind. And that sucked 'cause these mother fuckers had become like family too. And it's real likely Brady will tell me to go fuck myself. He'd have the right to. I deserved it. I still wanted him though. I missed him. I wished I knew everything that had happened these last couple years. Jeremiah gave me some of it but had become kinda tight-lipped these last few months whenever I brought up Brady. I figured maybe Brady was seein' someone and Jeremiah didn't wanna tell me. It would explain why I never saw pictures of Brady with random guys anymore.

There were still pictures of him and Nicky but they were a lot more innocent than they used to be. There were campfires and cliff diving at the lake. Which, yeah, when I saw the picture of Brady jumpin' over the edge I damn near shit myself. Why the fuck would someone do that on purpose?

But he seemed to love it. Big, beautiful grin on his face, hair wet, caramel skin glistenin' from the water…nice arms, a little bigger than they used to be, more defined, sculpted. His abs were nice to, still slender but more mature. There was even a dark trail of silky black hair that traveled from his belly button down, disappearing into his tight, short, red shorts.

Fuck, Brady grew up.

And I missed so much of it. I needed to talk to him, needed to apologize. It was fuckin' time to right this shit.

But I was too chicken shit to actually do that so I called Jeremiah instead.

He answered the phone with a chuckle, "S'goin' on, Cuz?"

I answered back as I heard Alice giggling in the background, "Nothin' much, man. Did I interrupt somethin'?"

"Nah, I'm just bidin' my time…plottin'."

I grabbed a cigarette as I heard him do the same, "Oh yeah? What you plottin', Cuz?"

Jeremiah exhaled with a smug laugh, "I'm fixin' to lay down a murder scene."

Floppin' back on the couch, I ran my hand down Dolly's back as I asked, "Do I even wanna know?"

He chuckled and I could hear the smack of Alice's tiny hand somewhere against Jeremiah's skin. Jeremiah just laughed, "She thinks I ain't down to fuck just 'cause she's on her period. She don't know, man. I'm fixin' to throw down some towels and lay down a murder scene. A little blood don't scare me. I like that shit. It's like I'm stabbin' that mother fucker to death. With my _dick_."

I cringed as I took a drag, "Yeah, I didn't wanna know, man."

"You like the taste of semen, B. You don't get to judge me."

Chucklin' I leaned forward to ash my cigarette, "_Anyway_. I won't keep you long so you can get back to your sick sexual perversions."

He laughed and I continued, "I think I need to call Brady. I think I need to, ya know, apologize for how shit went down."

He quieted down and I could hear him take a drag, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I get it, man. I do. Just be careful, okay? He's just now..." Jeremiah cut himself off with a huff.

"Just now what?"

He sighed, "Shit, he's just now, ya know, finishin' school and shit. He got promoted at his job. He's doing tours now."

That wasn't what he was gonna say when he cut himself off but I wasn't gonna push 'cause he'd break and tell me. And maybe it was somethin' I didn't wanna know. Maybe he's just now getting over me. Maybe he's just now moving on with someone else.

"I just miss him, J. I feel bad about the way I did him. I just wanna try and maybe be his friend again, ya know?"

"That's what he needs right now more than anything. Don't confuse him. Don't lead him on. Understand if he ain't ready to talk to you right now that maybe someday he will be, okay? Whatever happens, don't let it mess you up. You're doin' so good now, B. I'd hate to see you go backwards."

"I won't. Thanks, man. I'll let you get back to bein' gross."

He chuckled, "Let me know how it goes, B. Talk to you tomorrow."

"Later, Cuz."

"Later, Cuz."

We hung up and I sat there for a long time tryin' to work up the courage to call Brady. I hadn't told anyone yet about the chance of me getting to go to Seattle early because I didn't wanna jinx myself but I was really, really hopin' that I could at least _start_ to fix this shit with Brady before I went. _If_ I went.

Eventually I went and sat outside on my doorstep. My thumb hovered over his contact button for a while until I finally talked myself into hitting it.

My heart was racin', I felt like I was gonna throw up as it started ringin'. I didn't even know what I was gonna say. How I was gonna say it. If he'd even _let_ me.

But he didn't answer so I let out a breath. I didn't leave a message. I figured I could just try again if he didn't call back.

.

.

.

After two weeks, I figured he wasn't gonna call back. I had called a few days later and left a message askin' him to call me but he hadn't yet. Probably wouldn't. Maybe he was just workin' up the nerve. Maybe he was pissed. I was gonna try one more time. I'd just leave him a message and tell him I was sorry for buggin' him and that I hoped he'd call me back one day.

The phone rang once, twice…

"Hello?"

It wasn't Brady's voice.

"Um, yeah. Hi, is Brady there?"

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. You must have a wrong number. I just got this number a few days ago."

_Fuckfuckfuck._

Brady changed his number. He really didn't wanna talk to me no more.

That damn near felt crippling the way my heart seized and my chest hurt. I apologized and hung up. I wanted to cry and hit stuff but that wouldn't fix shit.

And I was gonna fuckin' _fix_ this. I come too fuckin' far and worked too god damn hard to give up now. I needed to say I was sorry. I _had_ to.

I pulled up his FaceBook page and found the pic of him at the lake that I loved so much. Then I typed, "If you wanna delete me after this I understand. But I needed to tell you how sorry I am. I am so sorry, Brady. I messed up so bad. I needed to do this a long time ago but I couldn't. I wasn't ready. And I'm sorry for that too. I didn't mean for all this time to go by. It went by too fast and too slow at the same time. That probably don't make no sense but I hope that maybe one day you can forgive me. You are the best thing that ever happened in my life. I can't go through a day without thinking of you. Everything I have is because of you. Without you there wouldn't be a me. Not like I am today. I'm different because of you. I'm better. You're the reason my life is finally good. I wish I could share it with you but I chose to push you away before I could ever lose you because why would I ever deserve you? That's my biggest regret, pushing you away, and I got lots of regrets. But nothing hurts like losing you. I hope that one day we can at least be friends again. I miss you, Princess. So fuckin much. I hope you're happy. If you ever need me, even if we never talk again, I'll be here for you. I'm not the same man I was. I'm guessing you ain't either. I'd really like the chance to get to know you again. I know I don't deserve it but I'm hoping that maybe someday you'll give me a chance anyway. I think this is the most I ever typed in my life at one time. Sorry for rambling and sorry for bugging you these last couple weeks. I'm gonna back off now. Take care."

I hit post before I could talk myself out of it. Then I pocketed my phone and went about my business.

Two days later I was grinnin' ear to ear.

**Brady Seneca likes your comment.**

Hell yeah. It's a start.


	33. Chapter 33

_**A/N: IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!** So, I wanted to give you a heads up that this is just part one of a two part chapter. The next chapter is over 20k words and already written, just editing some now. I'm going to wait a little bit to put it up so I can try to get a good start on the next chapter after that. The plan is to get a little ahead so you guys won't have this ridiculous wait between chapters. Anyway, the next chapter will be up in a couple weeks. I think I can have a good start on the other chapter by then. Thanks so much for reading and again, sorry for the wait._

_Big thanks to Nan. Love ya, girl!_

_Song I listened to (A LOT) while writing this; Elastic Heart by Sia_

**Brady's POV**

It was 80's night at the club. Neon everywhere, old-school Madonna blaring, and sweaty, amped-up men soaking in the pheromones as they grinded wall-to-wall.

Nicky and I were having a blast. I always had so much fun with him. It was like I was a different person. Of course, that might just be the X and alcohol. But in the immortal words of every Whitlock boy ever born, fuck it. I was young and sexy and I was going to enjoy life to the fullest.

Fuck Brandon. I didn't need him. There were plenty of guys who wanted me.

And I had discovered that hands were just hands and mouths were just mouths and dicks were just dicks and they all felt good. I didn't need an emotional connection; I just closed my eyes and felt. I needed someone to touch me. Just contact. Just sex. It didn't matter who.

I was totally fine with it.

There was someone behind me. Just a thick, hard cock grinding against my ass, warm flesh against my back, and a mouth on my neck. Hands sliding along my chest, my stomach and down further. The neon-pink mesh t-shirt I wore did little to dull the sensation; it made it feel even dirtier as he fingered the holes to touch my skin.

"What's your name?" the body behind me whispered in my ear as his tongue licked at the shell.

His hands, large and rough, trailed down from my belly button to the rim of my shorts and I grinned as I reached behind me, winding my fingers through his hair to bring him closer.

"Most guys call me God," I rasped playfully.

"Yeah?" he panted against my shoulder.

I rolled my hips, teasing him as he strained against his jeans. "Yeah. Wanna take me to the back room and find out why?"

Five minutes later, I was on my knees with his dick in my mouth. Slurping obscenely, I dug my fingers into his ass to give me more. I loved the way it felt. How delightfully filthy it all was.

I choked a little but quickly recovered, twisting my head as I took him all the way down. I almost chuckled when he started screaming, "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…"

:::

"Oh, hey Em," I closed my book and smiled from the counter as he came striding in through the gift shop.

"Hey man. I tried calling you yesterday but you never called me back."

I cringed, "Oh. Sorry about that. I just got really busy and then I had to work today. So, is everything okay?"

He nodded as he flipped casually through the comic book stand. "Yeah, it's fine. This guy I work with had two tickets to the Seahawks game and I thought you might wanna go. I know how much you like the tight pants."

Chuckling, I started stuffing my book in my bag as I spoke, "I do enjoy tight ends. When is it?"

"Oh it was last night. Jeremiah went. You didn't miss anything though. Just preseason."

"Sorry," I went about cleaning up my work spread across the counter in order to keep myself busy. I felt a little guilty because I saw his call last night but ignored it.

"No big," he shrugged. "What time do you get off? We could grab something to eat?"

I scrubbed at the coffee stain my cup had made, "Oh, um, I still have a couple hours and then I've got this exam I need to study for so…"

Trailing off and still avoiding him, I was surprised when I felt his fingers wrap around my wrist, "Dude, you're gonna burn a hole in that glass if you keep going."

I looked up at him, mouth open and eyes wide for a moment before schooling my reaction and grinning as I gently pulled my hand away.

"Yeah, I might be a little hopped up on coffee and chocolate. Long night, ya know? I have a big project coming up and spent all night working on it so I didn't sleep much. Thought the caffeine and sugar might help keep me awake."

I laughed, going for airy and light but he didn't seem to buy it. Raising an eyebrow, he stepped back and looked at me, "You okay?"

Letting out a breath, I scrubbed my hands over my face and sighed. Being fake was exhausting.

"Yeah, Em, I'm okay. Just tired. I've got two big art projects coming up that count for 60% of my grade. So, that on top of tests and regular stuff, it's just a lot to manage. And also, I'm crashing from the sugar high now."

All of that was true. School had been rough but I was trying really hard to do well. That's why I kind of blew Em off last night: I really wanted to go blow something else. I needed the stress relief.

Emmett smiled as he nodded his head, "Yeah. I don't miss those days, man. Alright, well I'll let you get back to work then. Hit me up later, Brady."

He held out his fist and I bumped with a tired smile, "Sure, Em. See you later."

He left and the moment he was gone I dropped my forehead to the countertop and groaned. I felt like such shit. I had worked on my project for a while yesterday but I wrapped it up at about nine o'clock to go relieve some stress. After dragging myself home at almost four in the morning, I crashed until ten since I had to be here at eleven. My stomach and head were revolting against me.

I tried to ignore it and went about straightening shelves and unloading boxes of bookmarks.

"Dude. Here."

Looking over my shoulder, I frowned as I saw Em leaning over the counter with a brown paper bag.

"What?"

Rolling his eyes, he pulled out a sandwich and giant bottle of Gatorade.

"Protein and hydration. It always helps when I'm hungover. Later, Brady."

I watched him walk away and my stomach sank because he knew I had lied to him but bought me a sandwich anyway.

I was such a crappy friend sometimes.

:::

Kicking the screen door, I cursed at myself for being so stupid. It was pouring down rain and somewhere between last night and this morning I had lost my house key. I had to work this morning when I left Nicky's apartment, and my phone was dead. I was going to call Suzie from work but due to a new exhibit and several field trips, I was actually busy all day. One of the tour guides didn't show up so I volunteered to fill in for a couple of the tours.

Which was great for me because I really loved the art museum. I loved looking at all the pieces, explaining the history and why it was so important. I loved seeing how people could go from 'Eh, I don't really like it,' to, 'Wow, it's amazing how it captures the emotions the artist was feeling.'

It's a really cool thing to watch people gain appreciation for things they might have previously dismissed.

So, I was super busy and forgot to call which leads me to my current dilemma.

It's raining and cold, I'm locked out of the house, and it's beginning to get dark.

I kicked at the door one more time before stomping over to the crappy plastic chair on the porch and sitting down. I didn't know when Suzie would get home; hell, I didn't even know what time it was, since my phone was dead. There was really nothing I could do but wait it out.

Letting out a cold breath, I propped my elbows on my knees and dragged my hands through my wet hair. When left to nothing but my thoughts and the cold, stinging rain, it wasn't a surprise when it brought back memories I tried so hard to forget.

"_What is this?"_

_My mother looked at me with pure disgust as she waved the little piece of paper from my jeans pocket in the air like it was god damn heroin. I saw that look a lot, especially these days since I had friends and a life away from this house. She thought my friends were heathens and influencing me to act out. She didn't understand that my friends were the ones giving me courage to be who I really was. To be comfortable with myself, at least somewhat. All she and my dad ever did was make me feel like there was something wrong with me._

_Feeling defiant, I raised my chin and snarked, "It's a guy's number. A really hot guy who wants to take me for a ride on more than his motorcycle, if you get what I'm saying."_

_She balled the paper in her fist as she slammed it down on the washing machine, "You will not talk like that in this house! Why don't you have any shame?!"_

_Hands on my hips, I yelled back, "Why don't _you_?!"_

"_That's it! I can't live like this! Dean!" she yelled for my father as she stomped past me. My heart dropped as I realized what I had done._

_My father had already warned me that one more fuck up and I'd be out of the house. So immediately I went into flight mode trying to get to my room. I needed my phone and shoes. _

"_What the hell is going on?!" My father barged in, door shaking on its hinges as he stormed across the room._

_My dad was such a big man, I was like a speck of dust against a giant. And he liked to make sure I always understood that. _

"_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"_

_I was cut off by a sharp smack across my cheek. It caught me off guard and I bounced into my dresser as my glasses went flying and I tumbled to the floor._

"_I j-just want to get m-my stuff-" I stuttered, tears stinging my eyes._

"_Nothing in this house belongs to you! I want you out now! You're not welcome here anymore!"_

"_I've _never_ been welcome here," I screamed back in a moment of bravery. _

_He came at me again and I flinched away, pulling my arms over my head in fear. He grabbed me, fingers digging into my arm as he yanked me from the floor and dragged me along._

_I was screaming, tears running down my cheeks as he pulled me along, face set in stone._

_And then he opened the front door and I grabbed onto his arms from where he held me and shrieked, "Please don't, please don-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dad, please-"_

_He shoved me back and I tripped over the doorframe before being knocked to the cement porch. I gasped in surprise when I hit the ground; another strike to my face. I hadn't even seen him raise his hand to hit me__. __I was wet, the rain was pouring down, and the left side of my face was throbbing. I just wanted so badly to go curl up in my warm, dry bed and cry._

_I tried one last pitiful plea, "Please just give me my glasses. Let me get my shoes and my phone so I can call someone. Don't leave me out here like this. Please, Dad. I'm sorry."_

_He glared down at me, pulling his fist back again in a threat. I scrambled back, pulling myself into a ball as he spat, "Always a sniveling little pussy. Look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. You should be embarrassed to look in a mirror. You think you're something special? You're a punchline. Some god damn joke that real men laugh about when they see you walking by. You think I don't hear them? You're nothing but an embarrassment to me and your mother. To our whole family."_

_I sobbed, cowering away as his words chilled me to the bone._

"_Where am I supposed to go now?" I sniffled pathetically without even looking up. I wasn't expecting an answer._

_I heard him huff as he walked away, "What do I care? You're dead to me. Go sell your god damn ass to the rest of the queers, you think it's so fucking special…" _

_The door slammed shut. It was getting dark. I could barely see without my glasses, my bare feet were numb, and I didn't have my phone to call anyone. I had never been so fucking scared in all my life._

_In one last act of desperation, I flung myself at the door, pounding and screaming and crying like a child._

_But the door didn't budge and the porch light went out, so I crumbled to the ground in despair._

_And then I feared he would come back, so I leapt off the porch through the yard, wet mud squishing between my toes as I tried not to slip. At the edge of the forest behind my parents' property, I ducked behind a tree, breathing hard, and peeked out. Of course, no one had followed me. I sank to the base of the tree, curling in on myself. I was wet, cold and aching, but the panic was starting to recede; I'd just have to wait it out. Wait it out until they fell asleep so I could sneak in through my window to get my stuff. Then I'd call my friends and pray to the gods that they'd come for me. I really hoped someone would come for me._

I lifted my face, wiping the tears and rain from my eyes and marveling at the pathetic symmetry of my life. At least this time, I had my shoes. Seriously, how much can a person cry until they just run out? It must really be a lot.

:::

Our legs were twined, mouths glued together, hands pulling sloppily at each other's cocks as we rolled around in his bed. Nicky gasped, pulling back just long enough for me to watch his eyes roll back and mouth hang open as he came, warm and sticky all over my dick, hand, and stomach.

Then he collapsed, wheezing and out of breath as I grunted, "Ugh, not done yet, Nicky. Just a little more. I'm close."

He lifted up on his arms with a cheeky grin, "I wouldn't leave you hanging…er, well not _hanging_-"

I swatted his shoulder with my clean hand and chuckled, "Blue balls are a _thing_, Nicky. Any day now."

Laughing, he started trailing his lips down my chest, licking his cum off as he went. His lips tickled against my ribs as he whispered, "I love it when you're bossy."

I just teetered between vibrating with laughter and shivering in sensation. When he took me into his mouth I gripped my fingers in his hair and just got lost in the wet heat until my toes were curling and my eyes were rolling back.

Afterwards, he was sleeping curled against my chest as I stared up at the ceiling unable to close my eyes. Hands were hands and mouths were mouths, but sometimes it just wasn't enough. I could fuck a million men, but it never felt anything like it did to just fall asleep next to Brandon

Falling in love is so effortless, so easy. But man, falling out of love is really, really hard.

:::

"Hey Ed."

"Hi Brady. Are you coming?"

"Um, I'm sorry. I just can't. I've got so much work to do."

"Oh. Well, we could stop by later? Bring you some dinner?"

"That's really nice, Eddie but I have leftover Chinese that I need to eat before it goes bad. Thanks though."

"Um, okay. Well, will we see you tomorrow at JJ's tee ball game?"

"I have to work. Maybe next weekend."

"Oh. Okay, then. Well, I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, Ed. Later."

"Bye Brady."

I threw my phone on the bed and dug my palms into my eyes. It hurt blowing my friends off but it needed to be done, because after a particularly difficult set of finals I needed to go out and blow off some steam tonight. It was just too hard to hang out with all the happy couples… and me. Always _just_ _me_ these days, because Suzie's hours had gone from hellish to utterly ridiculous so she was barely around. I didn't think I could handle watching all of them tonight. Not when I felt so incredibly alone. Sitting around watching movies or playing video games sounded like pure torture tonight.

And I did have to work tomorrow. That wasn't a lie. But it was after the game. It was too hard to see them after a night out because I felt stupidly riddled with guilt. It was like they were going to take one look at me and see SLUT branded across my forehead. So it was easier to just stay away. I wouldn't have to infect their perfect little worlds with my ugliness. They could go on being happy and I could just… go on.

Rolling my eyes at my sappy, overdramatic musings, I push it all down and go to pick out my clothes for the club.

:::

Sighing, I open up his Facebook page. There hadn't been an entry on it for months and none by him. People had tagged him in things but he never responded. In fact, the only thing that was still on there was his profile picture that I put up for him. It was a nice one of him smiling at the camera. I remembered that he kept giving me serious faces and the pictures kept looking like mug shots. But then I told him I'd let him spank me if he'd smile. The big, dimpled grin that followed was perfect and I was giddy with warmth and happiness when I snapped the picture and uploaded it.

The only pictures I could see of him now were this one and the ones I found on his family's pages. I had burned everything I had.

Sometimes I regretted it.

But sometimes I didn't.

:::

When I went out with Eddie and Jay, which wasn't that often anymore, I always made sure to pick a different club than the one me and Nicky went to. It was safer that way. I didn't want to run into Nicky or more importantly, I didn't want my friends running into Nicky. I wanted to keep that part of my life separate. It was like I was James Bond; ya know, if James Bond was a 21 year old twink with an ass that just wouldn't quit.

But anyway, I didn't want my friends judging me. They all had their blessed lives with their perfect soulmates and happily ever after and all that stupid bullshit. I didn't have that so I needed to let loose and just lose all my inhibitions sometimes. They wouldn't get that it wasn't a bad thing. They wouldn't understand that I _needed_ it. Being me wasn't easy or always fun. Sometimes I needed a break from myself.

They would think I was awful though. They wouldn't understand.

It was easier to keep that part of my life a secret. As long as I was paying the bills and passing my classes no one would look too deeply. They were all busy with their own lives anyway. So once a month I could sacrifice a Saturday night to clubbing with them where I wouldn't get to roll on X but, ya know, there was alcohol.

Cause, I mean, dancing with Eddie was a blast but also a fucking dick-tease. Because I can't _really_ touch. Not like how I want to. And he can't _really_ touch me. Not like how I need it. So, the second he and Jay would disappear into the back, I'd be pouncing on the first willing body that was there to finish the job.

Because I needed a hot tongue lapping at my cock and two fingers pushed inside my ass. I needed my pants down around my ankles and the feeling of strong hands touching, gripping, stroking. I needed no skin left untouched. I just needed to feel something. To forget everything.

So, when the blunt head of a hard dick pushed inside my hole from where I bent over the bathroom sink, I relished the stretch and burn. The nasty, dirty sounds of the squelching, lube-covered cock that forced its way in was like heaven to my ears. I needed someone to just fuck me. Fuck me hard and fast and rough until I was coming like a filthy whore all over the floor and I could just forget everything including my own name for a little while.

And when we were done I'd feel better. Or at least, I'd feel relieved. I'd smile, dick limp and satiated before giving whoever filled my needs tonight a wry grin and wink before taking off back into the crowd to find my friends.

I wasn't _always_ hooking up with random guys though. Most nights I'd end up in bed with Nicky. And that was great, he was amazing at giving head, but we were both bottoms so when I needed to have someone inside of me, _owning_ me, I'd have to get it somewhere else.

He did too.

And then we'd trade war stories which was fun because I couldn't talk this way with my friends. I mean, I could've if it was still Brandon that I was with but not about the guys at the club. I guess it's okay to be a filthy little pervert as long as you're in a monogamous relationship but not just in general. People seemed to frown upon that.

But after going so long without someone touching me after Brandon and I broke up, I really couldn't deny that I craved it so badly, I felt like I was going to burst outta my skin.

My friends had someone to just touch constantly. And someone to touch them. Whenever they wanted it or needed it. I didn't have that so when I went out on the weekends, I made sure to get in enough to last a few days.

I had to admit, though, that lately club hook-ups weren't doing it for me like they used to. I'd find myself ramming back onto a dick in a frenzy, chasing the high it used to give me.

And sometimes, I'd psyche myself out so bad with the wanting, I couldn't come at all.

It was those times that I'd end up hiding in a filthy bathroom stall in a mess of tears and sweat, just missing how easy it used to be. Brandon would play my body like a god damn virtuoso. How his big hands would mold and caress me until I became part of his own marble form…until I felt as beautiful as he was. He was a fucking artist in bed.

But he was gone and I needed someone to make me _feel_ something. I needed contact like a man in the desert needed a glass of water. But only a glass because the relief never lasted long enough and soon I'd be desperate for another sip.

At first, the guys and drugs had been for fun. Something to make me feel powerful and sexy and free. But after awhile it turned into something else. Something that made me feel weak and ugly and trapped.

Wasn't the whole point of this to make me feel better? Wasn't that why I started?

I'm not a dumb guy, just stubborn. I needed to admit that it wasn't working anymore. I needed to make some changes.

And truly, in the deepest depths of my blackened soul, I wanted a happy ending.

:::

"No, really. It hits quicker and lasts longer this way," Nicky hummed as he chopped up the little pills into dust. I was already high, mind kind of dark. I knew this probably wasn't a good idea but I couldn't bring myself to care that much.

My father thought I'd be a hooker but I'm not. I'm a reckless kid who's becoming an addict and giving it away for free.

If he thought he was embarrassed of me before, he should see me now.

I _knew_ it was wrong, but when he handed me the straw, I leaned forward and snorted the powder without a second thought.

It hit me almost immediately. My mind racing, heart beating fast and flesh crawling deliciously with unseen sensation.

I rubbed my nose as Nicky did the same. We both busted out in giggles as he grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

"C'mon. Let's go dance, guy."

Everything else was blissfully forgotten.

.

.

.

The night blurred into nothingness really fast and everything really _was_ forgotten. All I knew was that somewhere in the early morning Nicky was shaking my shoulder and whispering, "Brady? Brady, come on. Wake up. We need to go."

I blinked, eyes crusty and sensitive to the sunlight. With a groan I turned away, burying my face against the thigh under my head, holding it close like a pillow. It was smooth and soft as I ran my hand along it; it felt nice. Only something wasn't right. I opened my eyes slowly, waiting for my brain to make sense of what I was seeing…and I nearly gagged as three inches from my face was a vagina. A _girl's_ vagina. And I was…touching it.

I gasped and pulled away, panicking when I couldn't sit up. Resisting the urge to scream, I extracted my legs from the grip of the naked man on my other side. I wondered what I did last night. Who I did it with.

And oh my God why does my mouth taste like-

Whimpering as I scrambled off the bed, I fell to my knees, dry heaving. The memories were very, very foggy, but I had a pretty good idea where my mouth had been. I wanted to cut my tongue out.

"Where are my clothes?" I began frantically poking around on the messy floor, finally finding my shoes.

"Here. You can wear these," Nicky whispered as he flipped a pair of red hot pants at me.

They bounced off my forehead and I hissed, "I'm not wearing those."

He scratched at his head while he looked around the room, "I don't see any other clothes that are going to fit you. You can have my shirt and my underwear."

A squeak of the mattress caused me to freeze in place, heart racing. I just wanted to get out of here before anyone woke up. Before there were more witnesses to this nightmare.

God, what did I do?

Grabbing the hot pants I started sliding them up my legs as I whispered, "Give me your shirt."

He pulled off his little black tee; it wasn't going to make this walk home any better, but I needed to get out of here. Now. Wherever the hell 'here' was.

Thankfully it wasn't cold out and it was still dark, but dawn was coming soon and I just wanted to get back to his house before the sun rose.

"What happened last night?" I asked as I tried to pull down his tee enough to cover my belly button.

Nicky huffed, "Dude, I don't know but I woke up on the couch with three naked guys and a cat. So… maybe we don't snort pills anymore?"

"Nicky, I think I licked a va-"

"Oh my God, don'tsayit_ out loud!"_ he squealed as he fake gagged.

I sighed. Even if I didn't say it out loud, it didn't mean it didn't happen. God, what the hell was I doing?

I had no idea what I did last night. If I agreed to it. If I _didn't_. Who saw. _Nothing_. It was an absolute nightmare that made my stomach feel like it was caving in with anxiety. I could feel the tightness coiling in my chest, the sudden flash of heat that felt like my face was on fire, and the weakness in my knees.

And then I was down on the sidewalk. I skinned my knees and my palms, causing them to sting like little needles and I thought about how Brandon brought me a beer to soothe my scraped up hands when we first met.

I wish Brandon was here right now to pick me up and carry me home. Oh, god I hope he never finds out.

:::

After that, I really didn't want to face my friends. I felt so humiliated and ashamed of the things I was doing. I wanted to stop. Sometimes I did pretty well, other times I still needed...something, to escape from myself. I was too damn embarrassed to ask for help. I really didn't want them to know what I'd gotten myself into. And besides, I wasn't sure I wanted to give it up yet, completely. I mean, I loved partying but I wasn't a junkie. I just needed to slow my roll, as Jay would put it.

To my friends' defense, they weren't letting go of me without a fight. Emmett stopped by every few days and even when I would pretend not to be home - sometimes hiding behind my curtains until he went away - he always came back.

And no matter how many times I blew off shopping with Alice and Rosalie, they still picked up the phone and invited me.

Jay still stopped by my work until they promoted me to tour guide, which meant he couldn't hang around and talk to me anymore. Edward still texted me silly little things that made me smile until it hurt.

Even Jeremiah had been stopping over to check in with Suzie and me. She usually wasn't there and when she was, she was sleeping so he never stayed for too long.

No matter how much I blew them off, they weren't giving up. And I felt like a dick for trying so hard to push them away when I secretly cheered them on to keep trying. To not give up on me. Not yet. Not like my parents. Not like Brandon.

If they held on long enough, maybe I'd figure out what the hell I was doing and what I needed to do next so I could be around them again without feeling so alone.

:::

It's Saturday night. I'm at the club. The music is vibrating, colors swirling, and I should be lost in the filthy haze of it all. Sandwiched in-between two hot guys, we grind to the blinding beat of techno-pop and I feel...

Kind of tired actually.

I'm _tired_. Tired of endless nights. Tired of fake smiles. Tired of the emptiness. I feel hollow, like skin pulled over bare bones.

This is what I wanted my whole life. Guys _want_ me. _Me_.

I'm popular in the club. Everyone talks to me. They all know who I am. It's nice to be liked. To be wanted.

Except that they don't really want me. Not _all_ of me. They just want a piece and I can't help but wonder when there won't be enough pieces left of me to make a whole person anymore.

Maybe I'm just being dramatic. Silly little drama queen.

So I keep dancing because I _should_ be having the time of my life. But it all feels like bullshit.

Maybe it's just because I didn't do any pills tonight. Just had a few drinks, nothing too hard. But it's just not the same and I'm ready to get out of here.

I pull away from the men, mumbling about needing a drink as I make my way through the sea of bodies. It's too hot in here. Too loud. I'm just really tired and wanna go home but I lost Nicky awhile ago, and I can't leave until I find him. He'll pop up eventually. He always does.

Sliding onto a barstool I wave the bartender over for a bottle of water. I'm starting to come down and I'm ready to sober up. I'm really just so _worn down_. My bones are heavy and I feel like I could just melt onto the floor and sleep forever. I want to go home but I need to sober up to do that because it's a 40-minute walk and I've already missed the last bus of the night. I don't have enough money for a cab. Nicky's place is only like ten minutes away but I know if I go home with him we'll end up fucking around and I'm just not in the mood tonight.

Gulping down some water, I pull my phone out to see a bunch of missed texts.

**Edward**: Call me.

**Emmett**: This is movie night and we got the new Hobbit movie just for you. Now I'm forced to watch this shit and it's long man. So long and confusing. I'm really mad at you right now.

**Emmett**: Edward and Jasper keep eye fucking every time the hobbits come on screen. It's really disturbing. You owe me dick.

**Emmett**: I didn't mean you owe me dick, I was calling you a dick. Just to clarify.

**Emmett**: OMFG this movie won't DIE! You owe me a night of babysitting. I deserve a night of clean boobs after this. Call me tomorrow so we can make arrangements.

**Alice**: I love you, Brady. Lunch tomorrow. Notice there's no question mark. I'll be at your house at noon and if you're not there I will HUNT YOU DOWN. Smooches!

**Rosalie**: The boys were looking forward to seeing their uncle but I guess waving your ass around like a worm on a hook is more important to you now. I know what you're doing, dipshit. And apparently you've fried your brain because the Uncle Beady I know would never blow off his nephews to get high and whore around.

My breath caught, my chest seized as I read over it again. Leave it to Rose to be blunt. She knew. She _knew_. Who else knew? There was another message from Rosalie and I had to focus on breathing to hold the phone steady enough to read it.

**Rosalie**: I'm sorry. I didn't mean that I'm just mad. I'm no one to judge. I love you, Brady. I really do. I hope you're being safe and I hope you snap out of this before something bad happens. You can't get pregnant and be forced to have an abortion like I was but you can be raped, beaten up, or killed. And how do you think it would affect the people who love you? The people who really love you, your fucking family, would be devastated. When is the last time you saw Carlisle and Esme? How about Peter? Wake up, Brady. I'm sorry I'm angry again. Ttyl.

A wave of guilt washed over me, making my already heavy bones feel like they were bowing and breaking under the weight. I wanted to slither to the floor like the vile, disgusting creature that I'd become.

I totally meant to go to movie night tonight. Except I really didn't want to because Jay and I had gotten into a big fight last weekend.

"_Jay, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm a grown man and can do whatever the Hell I want?"_

"_You've been gone for an hour, Brady! Eddie passed out on me and I had to take him home and put him to bed so I could come back here and find you! I could be at home in bed with my husband right now!"_

"_You _should_ be home in bed with your husband! Why are you mad at me for doing the same damn thing you did to Eddie that made him fall asleep?! I'm allowed to have sex, Jay!"_

"_It's not about sex! It's about not ditching your friends!"_

"_What about the many, many times you and Edward ditch us to go have sex with each other? That seems to be perfectly acceptable-"_

"_We're married-"_

"_Oh, but what about Jeremiah and Alice? They're not married yet they disappear all the time to go fool around."_

"_That's not what I –"_

"_Oh, I get it now! It's okay to ditch your friends for sex if it's within the circle. Well, Suzie is the only other single one so I guess I'm just screwed. Figuratively, of course, not literally because you get mad at me every time I have sex."_

"_That's not what I'm sayin'! What the hell is wrong with you?!"_

"_Nothing's wrong with me! I'm just fine! I just wanted to get my dick sucked! I was feeling great until you showed up and started yelling at me! Just go home to your husband, Jay. I'm a big boy. I can handle myself."_

"_We came to the club _together_, Brady. I'm not leavin' without you."_

_I turned to some big, burly guy that was within arm's length and grabbed him. "Hey big guy, wanna take me home?"_

_Big guy nodded at Jay, "Aren't you with him?"_

_I laughed and pulled big guy a little closer, "Nah. He's married. Let's go."_

_Jay stood there, hands balled into fists as we walked by. I half expected him to grab me, throw me over his shoulder and take me home. But he didn't. He just let me go._

_I didn't let the guy take me home; I never brought men home. But I felt bad for making Jay think I did, so I ditched the guy as soon we left the club. _

"Hey guy," Nicky chuckled in my ear from where my head lay on the bar. I groaned in response as he started digging his fingers into my shoulders, rubbing out the tension in my muscles and making me never want to raise my head from the bar.

"You okay, Brady? You need another drink?"

I shook my head, _slowly,_ and raised my bottle of water. I could hear him ordering a cherry bomb and I somehow managed to lift my head and whine, "Aren't you ready to go yet?"

His red-stained lips curled into a grin as he raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow, "You're checking out early tonight?"

Raising a not so perfect eyebrow, I huffed, "It's 3 am!"

He rolled his eyes then threw back the shot with a grimace, "I've got a little business to attend to. Give me, like twenty minutes."

I nodded, pulling myself up and cracking my neck as I stretched my arms above my head, "Mm'kay. I'm gonna go next door and get a cup of coffee."

Tickling my ribs where my shirt rode up, he laughed, "Order me some chocolate chip pancakes, yeah?"

I snorted, yanking my shirt down, "Yeah, yeah, fine. Just hurry up."

He winked before making his way off into the crowd. I downed my water then pushed my way through the booty-shaking masses, fending off a few advances before I finally hit the door.

The diner smelled faintly of bleach and I gagged softly, tasting bile. Eddie would hate this place. Sliding into a booth, I rest my elbows on the table, scrubbing at my tired, bleary eyes.

"Coffee?" The familiar old waitress asks, and I nod dumbly, blinking for a moment before my mind catches up as she starts to walk away.

"Oh, uh, can I get some chocolate chip pancakes?"

Eyebrow raised, she taps a pencil against her old notepad and I crumble under the weight of her stare. "Um, please?" I asked as politely as possible. I'm too tired to argue with anyone tonight.

She huffs, blowing a loose gray curl off her forehead as she sighs, "Yeah, okay, hon. Be back in a minute with your coffee."

I let out a breath as she plods away.

It's too quiet here, only the sound of glasses clinking and the buzz of the lights flickering in the ceiling. There's one other guy here, an old man sitting at the counter drinking coffee and reading a paper. I thought about how it must suck to be that guy. Old and alone drinking coffee at a dirty diner at ass o'clock in the morning.

I rub my eyes a little more before stifling a yawn. I really hope Nicky hurries up. I'm too tired to make it home so I'd _have_ to just crash at his place. I just needed a few hours sleep and then I'd be fine.

"Everything's fine," I whispered, eyes closed as I tried to reassure myself.

Sometimes I wondered if growing up was really this hard or if I was just making it more difficult than it needed to be.

Maybe I really just needed to stop swimming in a stream of delusional denial and narcotics.

I chewed on my fingernail, knee bouncing as the waitress set a cup and saucer on the table. I grabbed the canister of sugar as I mumbled, "Thanks."

"You need anything else, hon?" I shook my head as I stirred my coffee without looking up. I felt grimy, dirty, and nasty soaked in the stench of a wild night, but coffee helped.

"You sure?"

My eyes snapped up to see her still standing there, gray eyes narrowed at me. I wondered how bad I must look.

Clearing my throat, I cradled my cup protectively like it was my only happiness in the world, "Um, yeah, I'm fine."

She pursed her lips and nodded before walking away. I went back to my phone and thought about what I was going to do about everyone being mad at me. I mean, yeah, I pushed them away, kind of wanted them to be mad, but now that they were I kind of hated it. I loved them and it made me feel like shit that I made them worry so much. I didn't know what I was doing anymore. I was getting really tired of fighting with everyone. And myself.

I sighed, opening Facebook to scroll mindlessly through my newsfeed in an effort keep myself awake until Nicky got here. Choking on a hot sip of my coffee, I blinked wide, suddenly very awake, as I see new pictures posted by Brandon just a few minutes ago. My heart starts racing as my thumb hovers over the post.

Biting my lip, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I tapped the photo to bring it up.

"You can do this," I whispered softly, steeling myself before opening my eyes.

Immediately I smiled.

For just a minute I let myself get lost in him. His smile, deep dimples and pink lips nestled in dark blond scruff. Brandon had the best scruffy face ever.

And those eyes, pale blue under thick dark lashes, tiny little crinkles around them when he laughed.

The smile slowly fades away and the stabbing ache in my chest returns with the reality that Brandon dumped me and we're not even friends anymore.

I wondered if he remembered that we were still friends on Facebook. I wondered if he'd unfriend me as soon as he remembered. I mean, he unfriended the fuck out of me in real life. He didn't Skype, didn't call, didn't even text me anymore. It was hard to believe that it had been so long when the pain still felt so fresh. An open wound that just kept getting infected over and over, festering with ooze and icky stuff…

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to regain control of my spiraling thoughts before I threw myself into a panic attack. I was way too tired for that bullshit tonight.

_Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Sip. Swallow. Breathe. In. Out. Sip..._

When I didn't feel as though my chest was being ripped open, I opened my eyes and tried to shake off the pain. Without thinking too long about it, I saved the pictures of Brandon because they might be the last ones I'd ever see and after destroying all of the ones I had, I kind of regretted it. Because sometimes I _wanted_ to remember. Even if it still hurt. Which it did. A lot.

Damn. I really missed him.

I closed my eyes and remembered the way he carried me everywhere, the way his rough voice sounded so sweet when he called me Princess, the way I felt with him. I was so happy. And I was nice. Sweet, even. And tough. Determined. Hopeful.

I missed _me_ sometimes, too.

The waitress brought the pancakes and I huffed as I looked at the time. Nicky should be here by now. I'd give him a few more minutes and then call him.

God, I was so tired. I wish he'd hurry up.

But he didn't. I called him twice and it went straight to voicemail. I was a little worried but mostly mad because most likely Nicky is stupid high and found some last minute hook-up. He'd get here eventually.

I'd just close my eyes for a minute while I waited.

It was the sound of police sirens screeching through the street that woke me up with a jump. I think my face had been stuck to the table while I slept and that's a creepy thought. The tables were gross.

I scrubbed at my cheek with a napkin.

There was a raspy chuckle from the old guy at the counter and I sighed as I thought about what that meant about me. If this poor old bastard was laughing at me then I definitely had problems.

God, where the _hell_ is Nicky?

I'd give him a few more minutes and that was it.

Pulling out my phone, I opened Facebook again and brought up Brandon's page. Everyone was congratulating him on two years at his job. _Two_ _years_.

I helped get him that damn job.

Well, his talent really got him the job but I helped. I always helped him, or at least did my best to. I wanted his life to be better. I worked at it. Hard. So that when I left it wouldn't be so fucked up for him.

Staring at his picture, I brushed my thumb over his pic longingly but accidentally swiped to the next one. That was okay though. He was beautiful in every one.

And he looked good. Happy. Content.

Maybe a little part of me felt kind of good about that. I helped do that. I can't take credit or anything but I definitely deserved a footnote.

A little bolt of lightning shot through my heart as I realized that I worked really hard to help him have a better life, but lately I had let mine go to Hell.

I wasn't happy. I wasn't having fun. I was losing weight and my skin wasn't as creamy smooth. I was exhausted all the time and sad and angry.

I deserved a better life than this. I _wanted_ a better life. It was about time that I put some effort into my own life like I had Brandon's. I could be a stubborn little shit sometimes so if I made up my mind that I was going to do something, then I'd do it.

Operation Fix My Life was in full effect.

The first step…

I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

First step: Go home and get some sleep.

I'd figure out my situation with Nicky later.

Digging through my pockets I pulled out enough money to cover Nicky's uneaten pancakes and the coffee I fell asleep in, tossed it on the table and headed out the door. I could just walk to the bus stop and wait. It couldn't be that long.

Pulling out my phone, I cursed under my breath.

3:43 am

There wasn't a bus to my house for almost an hour and a half. Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I took a breath and tried to quell my rapidly-growing nerves. I would just walk to the bus stop and wait. It would be fine.

Man, it was really dark out here though. I mean, there were street lights and some of the buildings still had their lights on so it wasn't pitch black but still…

It was fine though. I was _fine_. It was pretty quiet. The club had closed a little while ago and the masses had scattered. No doubt Nicky was among them. At least I hoped he was.

"Hey man!"

My head turned at the sound of someone calling behind me. There was a guy about fifty feet back and across the street. I couldn't see much but he looked a lot bigger than me.

If I was in the club, I would totally walk over there, flash a smile while making sure my ass was popped out. But I wasn't going to do that anymore. And besides, we weren't in the club. We were alone on a dark street.

I turned away and kept walking, picking up my step a little bit. He would probably just go away if I ignored him.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, man! You're gonna fucking ignore me? I just want to talk to you!"

Yeah, he didn't sound like he just wanted to talk. There was a warning signal going fucking crazy in my head now and all I could think about was getting away. Getting somewhere safe.

I heard the scuffling of his shoes getting closer and I took off running. I wasn't tired anymore. The adrenaline made my heart race as I scanned the streets for somewhere to go. But even though I was awake, my limbs were heavy and my body felt numb. I didn't think I'd be able to keep going very fast for long.

_Note to self; if you survive this, start working out._

Then I saw the giant purple bell lighting up the sky like a beacon in the night and I just prayed to the taco gods that the dining room was still open.

I must've looked crazy when I ran into Taco Bell, immediately hurling over with my hands on my knees and panting like I ran a marathon.

But it was brightly lit and had people in it so I wanted to jump for joy.

"Um, you okay, dude?"

The young guy at the register called out to me and I nodded before standing up straight and trying to catch my breath.

"Are you sure? You look kinda messed up. You want me to call the cops?"

Even the mention of cops threw me into immediate paranoia, "_No_! No, it's fine. I was just…ya know, running."

He raised a pierced eyebrow, "On purpose?"

I huffed as I rolled my eyes, "Yes. I can run for sport."

"But you're wearing boots and your jeans are so tight-"

"Can I get a Dr. Pepper, please?"

The guy shrugged as he punched in the keys on the register, "Sure, dude. Whatever."

A minute later I was sitting at one of the little tables scanning the parking lot. The glare on the windows made it hard to see anything but my reflection looking back at me. I had to look away.

What was I going to do? The bus ran in a little over an hour, but it would still be dark outside when I'd have to leave to walk to it. If I waited till daylight, it'd be another few hours. They'd kick me out before then and I'd never stay awake that long anyway. My legs felt like noodles and my stomach was doing flips. I felt weak and scared and _fuck_…

Before I could talk myself out of it, I pulled out my phone and hit his contact picture. I didn't want to wake up the boys by calling Emmett or Jeremiah. I didn't want to call Suzie. That only left one person.

It rang a couple of times before I heard a gruff, raspy "What?"

"Jay?"

He cleared his throat and muttered, "Brady? S'at you? You okay?"

"No. I mean, I _am_ but I need…I need help, Jay. I need a ride home."

He sounded fully awake now and I heard some shuffling in the background as he spoke, "Where are you?"

"Taco Bell on Liberty Ave. By the club."

"You're inside?"

"Yeah."

"Stay there. I'll be there in ten minutes."

He hung up before I could say thank you but I was thankful he was coming. He might've told me to fuck off after the way I acted last time we hung out. And because I stood them up tonight.

Second Step: Apologize to your friends.

I chewed on the end of my straw, knee bouncing as I strained my eyes scanning the parking lot for Creepy McCreeperson. I sighed in relief when Jay's truck pulled up by the doors. Standing up, I tossed my cup in the trash and bolted to the truck. Throwing open the door, I jumped in and slammed it shut as I scanned the parking lot again.

Once I was sure I didn't see creepy guy, I turned to see Jay staring at me. He looked tired, his blue eyes clear but dark circles underneath. His messy blond waves hung loosely around his face and he was wearing a wifebeater underneath an unzipped hoodie and basketball shorts.

"Thanks for coming," I breathed out, finally feeling safe now that he was here.

He just continued staring at me as he rasped, "I would never _not_ come, Brady."

I stared back, feeling the weight of his gaze burning underneath the layers of bullshit I'd been piling on and I found myself wanting desperately to fling myself into his arms and beg for forgiveness.

But I didn't do that. I couldn't. I felt so bad. So guilty. I couldn't get my lips to move. I looked away.

I heard him sigh as he put the truck in reverse and pulled out.

"Hey baby boy. Yeah, I got him."

My head snapped back around to see Jay on his phone.

"He's fine. Yeah. I'ma drop him off then I'll be home. I will. Okay, Ed. Love you too."

He put his phone in the console and rubbed at his eyes a second before pulling onto the road. I wanted to say something. I wanted there to not be silence between us but I didn't know what to say. Yeah, he made me mad sometimes but he was a good friend.

And I was not.

The silence stayed for the short drive home and before I knew it we were pulling up in front of my house. Jay put the truck in park and I murmured, "Um, thanks, Jay."

He just nodded as he watched me fumble my way out so I could go in and cry and detox and do whatever the hell else I needed to do to get my head right.

I finally got the seatbelt off and grabbed for the handle when Jay spoke, "Hang on a second, man."

With a small gulp, I closed my eyes and took a breath before turning to face him. He stared out his side window, taking a hit of his cigarette before slowly exhaling into the cool night air and he killed the engine.

Shit.

"I wanna apologize."

Wait. What? What was he _apologizing_ for?

He took a breath and continued, "I don't always treat you as an equal. I don't mean to emasculate you, that ain't ever my intention. I just…I wanna protect you, I guess. Keep you safe. But I can't do that. I can't stop you from doin' what you want, even if I think it's bad for you. Even if I _hate_ it. It's just…"

He took another puff and was quiet for a moment, squinting into the darkness as he exhaled, "It's just I remember what you said to me on my weddin' day. Do you remember? It was right after you gave me that string you called underwear."

Yeah. I _did_ remember that.

I had told him that while I knew no prince would ever come and sweep me off my feet, he and Edward had shown me that true love does exist. That I'd wait for my soul mate; hold out for true love, and not waste time throwing myself around for men who didn't deserve me.

God that seemed like forever ago.

Chewing at my bottom lip, I wrapped my arms around myself and shrugged as I whispered, "It didn't work out for me, Jay."

I took a long, tremulous breath, willing myself not to cry.

He turned in his seat to face me. "I know you're hurtin', Brady. But please don't forget who you are. Maybe Brandon wasn't the one but you'll find the right one someday. Love _does_ exist. You _know_ that. You _felt_ it. I'm showin' my Edward here, but there's this quote from Winnie the Pooh, 'How lucky I am to have somethin' that makes sayin' good-bye so hard.' It hurts because it was _real_. These quick little fucks in the club, that ain't real. I've seen your face when you're with these guys, man. You're not happy, hell, it's like you're out for revenge or something."

He raised a hand as if to stop himself, "But you know what, I'm gettin' off track. My point is, whatever you do, whether you become some world famous artist or you end up in prison because you got caught with the wrong shit one night - or the wrong person - whatever, I love you and I ain't goin' nowhere. You can keep tryin' to push me away, and I ain't sayin' it won't hurt, but you can't push hard enough. You can't make me not want you in my life. You just can't. So please stop tryin'. And I'll back off."

I was struck momentarily speechless as I looked at him. He looked so defeated, so tired and yet he was here. Even after everything I said and did. The way I acted.

The emotion just kind of welled up in me until I was wiping away tears and flinging myself across the seat.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as he hugged me back. And it didn't hurt like I thought it would. I didn't think of Brandon, even with the familiar soft, blond waves of his hair tickling my cheek and strong arms holding me. All I could think of was Jay. My best friend. My brother. Well, more like my second cousin once removed because I still found him ridiculously attractive.

"I'm sorry too, man."

We held onto each other for a long moment, both breathing out sighs of relief to finally be okay again. I really hated fighting with Jay.

When we pulled away, I sniffled a little and wiped my eyes, "I know I've been acting crazy lately. I don't really even know why."

He nodded but still didn't smile. I missed seeing it.

"Can I say somethin', Brady? I don't wanna piss you off but I feel like I need to say it."

Uh oh.

"Um, yeah. Of course, Jay. Go ahead."

Taking in a sharp breath he slowly exhaled before speaking, "We both had fucked up childhoods. We were abused, neglected. It's not like it's always easy for guys like us to function. Hell, if I didn't have Eddie in my life do you honestly think I wouldn't be stickin' my dick in everything that wasn't nailed down? Do you really think I wouldn't do whatever I could get my hands on? You and me really ain't all that different, Brady."

He shifted in his seat, blue eyes looking right at me as he spoke barely above a whisper, "I hate the things you do 'cause I could see myself easily doin' the same things if Eddie ever left me. What I'm sayin' is I get it. I really do. I just love you and don't wanna see you fuck up your whole life, man. You're barely 21 years old. You got a long life still. I want it to be good. I want you to be happy."

"I want to be happy too."

Jay was right. I had a long life yet to live and this wasn't how I wanted to live it.

I was graced with a dimple in his left cheek as he half smiled, "Good. Now quit the dumb shit, man, 'fore I end up goin' to jail. You don't know how close I came to losin' my shit, Brady. They've all been talkin' me down for months."

"Sorry, Jay." I did feel bad because even though he had been kind of an asshole, I did flaunt my bad behavior in his face. I kept trying to act like I was _so_ _grown_ _up_ when I really should've been listening. He was only trying to protect me.

"You don't need to be sorry, man. We all fuck up. Just promise me you're gonna slow it down some. There's nothin' wrong with gettin' a little high or drinkin' some but you ain't gotta get _fucked_ _up_ every time you go out. Just slow your roll, man. Hang out with _us_, Brady. That's why we're here. I don't know this Nicky guy but if you ain't introduced him to none of us but Suzie then I gotta think there's a reason."

Shifting in my seat a little, I sighed, "Nicky's okay. I mean, I guess he's a lot like me. But I don't know if I'm gonna hang out with him anymore. I've been considering that maybe he isn't such a good influence on me. I'm gonna slow down, Jay. I've been trying. I didn't do anything - or _anyone_ - tonight."

I snorted and finally Jay gave me a full dimpled grin as he turned the key in the ignition, the truck roaring to life.

"Good," he laughed, "Now get the fuck out so I can go fuck Eddie."

I was laughing as I hopped out of the car, "Oh my God, you're such an asshole."

He just grinned, rubbing at the whiskers on his chin like he always did. And, _damn,_ didn't it make me think of Brandon.

I had just hopped on the curb when Jay leaned out the window, still grinning.

"Hey, there's this Wiz Kalifa concert comin' up. Me and Em was gonna take Jeremiah for his birthday. Eddie doesn't wanna go 'cause he's not into crowds but it's gonna be fun. Guys night out. You in?"

He held out his fist and I bumped it with a grin, "Yeah. I'm in. See you later, Jay."

"Later, Brady."

He waited until I was safely inside the house before pulling away from the curb.

I went inside and stripped down before crawling into bed. I was exhausted from such a physical and emotional ending to my night and wanted nothing more than to just sleep for eternity. But there was a new message flashing on my phone and I groaned when I saw it was from Nicky.

"So, um, hey. Sorry about tonight. Call me back though because I really need to talk to you, okay? Okay. Bye."

He sounded totally fine. He wasn't in a hospital or a ditch. So, I was sure my previous assumptions were correct and he just blew me off for some dick.

To hell with him. I wasn't calling him back. I needed to break away from the things that were dragging me down and cutting ties with Nicky seemed like a good place to start.

**A/N: I promise the next chapter will be more fun and bring us current to Brandon's last chap.**


	34. Chapter 33-2

**AN: Yay! It's been two weeks and I am more than halfway done with the next chap so I'm hoping I can post it in a couple weeks. I make no guarantees but I do promise to try my very best. Thank you for all the lovely reviews. They really make my day. And as always, big thanks to my beta Nan for helping me through the struggle. Okay, on with the chappy then. Hope you enjoy!**

**Brady's POV**

I awoke too early, the sunlight streaming in my windows and making me cringe. I needed coffee, then aspirin, then two or three more hours sleep. Peeling myself from my bed, I groaned and stretched my tired muscles. I really needed to start taking better care of myself. After my little run last night I realized how out of shape I really was.

Pulling on some fuzzy sleep pants and a tee, I yawned as I headed out into the living room.

"Uncle Beady! Uncle Beady!"

Two little boys ran at me full force and I chuckled once I recovered from the slight heart attack. Bending down, I wrapped my arms around them and held on tight. Burying my face between the two of them, I breathed in the scent of fruit snacks and crayons and it hit me how much I really missed it. How much I had missed them.

"We missed you, Uncle Beady! I got so much to show you!"

JJ grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the couch which was strewn with drawings. Em J was on my other side chewing on the ear of a stuffed puppy. They were both in preschool now. JJ in his second year and Em J in his first.

I grabbed Em J around his waist, tickling his ribs as I pulled him to me, "Come here, munchkin."

He giggled and came easily, climbing in my lap as JJ arranged all of his drawings on the coffee table.

"Okay, see, I had dis big, 'portant project 'cause I got, like, 'sponsibilities and stuff now. I have to get ready for kindergarten, Uncle Beady so for school I had to make stuff 'bout, like, stuff I wanna do when I grow up. See."

He motioned to the drawings and I smiled as I tried to make out what they were.

"Is that… is that a piano?" I questioned and he grinned so bright it was like the sun.

"Yep! I wanna play piano like Uncle Eddie. And see dat one?"

I chuckled as I took in the guy with a bandana (I thought) around his head and a guitar in his hand. "And a guitar?"

He beamed, "Yup! Just like Uncle Jay. And see dat one? Dat's Uncle Em! I wanna be big and strong like him and play football!"

My eyes floated through all the pictures, breath caught in my throat as he went through them.

"See, dat's Ali! See how her shoes match her coat? She's like, classy. I wanna be classy!"

Giggling I had to ask, "Did your daddy teach you what classy means?"

Nodding his head, blond waves bouncing he started counting off his fingers, "Uh huh, it means like someone that smells like flowers and their coat matches their shoes and they're, like, kind and stuff. Oh and they shower every day."

I couldn't help but laugh as Em J wiggled out of my lap.

"Your daddy is a wise man."

He shrugged, "He's pretty smart, I guess."

JJ continued on without missing a beat while Em J stood at the coffee table lining up all the crayons.

"And dat's Aunt Suzie savin' baby kittens and puppies! 'Cause I love animals! They're so cute! And dis is Aunt Rosie in the pool with us and eatin' chocolate cake 'cause I wanna be cool and awesome and fun like she is. Dis is Uncle B! I wanna have all these tattoos and be big and tough so I can take care of Em J the way he took care of my daddy when he was just a little guy. And dis is daddy! He's got a hammer in dis hand and a spoon in dis one 'cause I wanna be good at fixin' stuff and cookin' good stuff to eat like he is. He's a pretty good daddy."

I smiled, a little stung that I wasn't included in any of the pictures but I guess it was my own fault. I hadn't been around the boys in a while and it was easy for kids to forget.

"Those are amazing, JJ. You did such a good job with them. I bet your teacher will be so proud!" I fawned over him even as my heart was breaking a little.

JJ grinned, deep dimples and blond waves as he crawled onto my knee, "And you know what, Uncle Beady?"

"What?

His blue eyes twinkled as he snuggled into me, "We could do dis poject any way we wanted. With clay or pictures from magazines and stuff but I drawed all mine 'cause I wanna be an artist like you."

Oh. My. God.

Damn these sweet little boys and their ability to rip my soul from my chest.

"And I want cool red boots like yours. Then I could wear my Superman cape like a boss."

The laughter just bubbled out of me as I hugged him back.

"Did your daddy teach you what 'like a boss' means?"

He nodded against my chin, "Yup. It means like a Whitlock."

Oh my God, I missed Jeremiah. I missed them all.

Having been so lost in the overwhelming emotion of seeing the boys, I completely forgot that their moms were probably here as well.

"Oh good. You've decided to grace us with your presence."

My eyes snapped up to see Rosalie leaning against the wall by the open doorway to the kitchen. Her arms were folded across her chest, jeans wrinkled, and hair in a ponytail but she still somehow managed to look like a movie star.

"Um, hey." I mumbled, uneasy about what I should do. After what she said to me last night maybe she'd have a problem with me being around Em J.

She rolled her ice-blue eyes as she pushed off the wall with a snort, "It's nice to know I can still strike a healthy fear in men."

My eyes went wide and she laughed as she glided across the living room, "Jeez, calm down. It's not like I'm going to yell at you in front of the boys."

In a graceful swoop she picked up Em J as JJ latched onto my neck, burrowing his face as he huffed, "You can't yell at Uncle Beady. He's mine and he's awesome."

I hugged him back, melting from his words as I whispered, "Thanks, buddy."

Rosalie sighed, soft smile on her face as she spoke, "Yeah. I guess we'll keep him. Now, come on, little man. Let's go outside and play fetch with the doggy while your Uncle Beady gets some coffee. From the kitchen. Because he needs to go to the kitchen."

She held out her hand as JJ reluctantly pulled away. I raised an eyebrow at Rose for her complete lack of subtlety. If there was an intervention in the kitchen I was gonna...well, shit, I don't know. Sit there and listen. And probably cry.

Rosalie took the boys outside with an unbelievably hyperactive dog bounding in tow. Another wave of guilt hit me as I thought about how cooped up Sparty must have been lately. When I wasn't working or studying or sleeping, I was out partying. I hadn't spent much time with him and he needed me to play with because Suzie's hours were hellish.

Taking a deep breath, I braced myself for the intervention in the kitchen but was pleasantly surprised to see only Alice sitting at the table, cell phone to her ear, mug of coffee in front of her, and a tray of cookies next to her.

She grinned brightly when she saw me, waving me over with her manicured fingers as she spoke into the phone, "That sounds good. I'll meet you there Thursday at three. I'm looking forward to it."

I staggered my way over to the coffee pot to pour myself a mug as she paused briefly then said good bye before setting her phone down and turning to me.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead," she said quietly, sipping her coffee..

I grabbed mine and slid into a chair. "Morning."

I yawned, stretching my arms above my head. My kitchen was _not_ the stage for an intervention, and there were cookies. I could do this. No problem.

Deep breaths.

Her ruby red lips curled up into a soft smile, matching red fingertips clutching the steaming mug. She raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow, "Rough night?"

Grunting, I took a sip of my coffee and sighed in relief. Coffee was the nectar of the gods.

Alice rolled her soft green eyes and set her mug down, folding her hands on the table and casting a serious look at me.

"I've been there, you know. I mean, when we first moved to the city it was just me, Rose, and Em. Rose was pregnant and newly married. I felt so out of place."

I nibbled on a cookie as she spoke. "You, Jay, and Edward were still in high school and Jeremiah just moved to Forks. And I just felt kind of alone, I guess. Anyway, I got into it, you know?"

I didn't know and my face must have showed it because she rolled her eyes again and huffed with a sad smile, "The party scene, Brady. You want to talk about drugs? I've cleared the board. You name it, I tried it."

Rosalie snorted from where she stood in the doorframe, "She had a closet full of leather and chains, too."

Alice grinned deviously at her, "Oh, I still have that closet. Anyway, the point is, I just wanted to have fun, you know? I wasn't popular in high school. I was always the weird girl, the odd one. But in the city, I wasn't. I was sexy, unique. Plus, I have a shitload of money so drugs just kind of came at me from every direction, ya know?"

"Really?" I had no idea Alice had ever done hard drugs.

"Yup. At first it was fun. I felt so sexy. For the first time in my life, men _and_ women wanted me. It was exhilarating. But then after a while, I started liking the drugs even more than the sex. The bad thing about being high is how low you go when you come back down. I got bad. Like, really depressed. I just… I didn't care, really. I was sort of angry at the world. At my parents. My mom for being so distantand my dad for being… dead."

She whispered the last word as if saying it any louder would physically hurt her. Her pretty green eyes were glistening, wet with unshed tears as she smiled at me, "Can you imagine that? Being angry at someone you loved for dying? As if that's a fair thing to feel…"

Trailing off for a moment, my heart was stuck in my throat as I watched her.

With a watery sigh she continued, "Rose and I argued constantly. Emmett even yelled at me once. They weren't happy about what I was doing but at the end of the day, I was going to do what I wanted and they would love me regardless. So, for a while, I did my thing. It was right before Em J was born that I decided I was going to try and get clean. Rose and Em stayed with the Cullen's for a couple of weeks right after Em J was born. Remember?"

I nodded. I did remember them staying there for a bit so Esme could help them get used to taking care of the baby. Although, I suspect part of the reason was because Esme loved having Em J and Rosalie around to mother. And Rosalie loved being mothered by Esme.

"So, before they brought him home, I thought I'd go out with a bang. One _last_ party."

Holding my breath, I waited to hear what she was leading up to. I was sure it wasn't good.

"I don't remember what I did that night but I woke up naked in my car."

She snorted and I tried to smile, anxiety tingling in my chest at her words. "So, what happened?"

A grin came to her face which was blooming bright red.

"Well, I looked for my clothes but couldn't find them."

Then the grin started to fall, "It was still dark outside and I was parked in some neighborhood I had never been to. I had no idea where I was or how I got there, or _why_ I was naked. And then my car wouldn't start."

She paused, taking a sip of her coffee and composing herself.

"Thankfully, I found my phone in the console but everyone was two hours away in Forks. You guys were still in high school and it was an ungodly hour. Em J was four days old and the Cullen's were keeping JJ that night because JJ wouldn't be two feet from Em J from the moment he was born. So, the only person I could think to call was Jeremiah."

"Oh my God," I whispered. How had I never known this?

"Yeah. Can you imagine how I felt calling him in the middle of the night and telling him that not _only_ was I stranded but I didn't know where I was and I didn't have any clothes? I thought I was going to die from embarrassment. _Shame_. I've never felt so low in my life."

I understood that _intimately_ but was too ashamed to admit it out loud.

"Jeremiah jumped right out of bed and said he'd find me. I remember that I didn't believe him," she smiled fondly and I may have sighed a little wistfully because something told me Jeremiah was about to do something really romantic.

"For three hours, he stayed on the phone with me. Driving to Seattle and then all around the city to find me. He told me 'Alice, you drive a yellow fuckin' Porche. You can't be that hard to find.'"

She giggled and I smiled, "So, he found you, right? You didn't get arrested or anything horrible."

I couldn't handle that at this point in the story.

Rolling her soft green eyes, she sighed, "No, thank God. He found me. Brought me some of his basketball shorts and a hoodie. But before I could even get dressed he had me out of the car, checking me over for injuries. I told him I was fine, just embarrassed. Once I got dressed he called a tow truck for my car and we sat in his truck waiting for it. He asked me what happened and I couldn't remember. Still can't. I remember being at the bar earlier that night but it just goes black and I have no clue. Having to confess that to him, to the guy I liked more than anyone I had ever been with? It was very sobering."

"I'm sorry, Alice," I whispered as I reached out to cover her hand with mine.

She flipped her hand over to grab mine. "Don't be sorry, Brady. Just stop. _Please_ stop. We love you and if something bad happened to you, I can't… I was _lucky_. If I was driving that messed up, I could've killed somebody. I could've ended up in prison or dead. I was lucky. You may not be."

I got it. I understood. I was two steps ahead.

"I'm going to stop, Alice. I'm done. I promise."

She squeezed my hand and smiled, "I believe you. But if you need someone to help you get through it, I'm here. Anything you need, just let me know."

Rosalie now walked into the kitchen with a huff, "And don't think we won't be keeping tabs on you, Brady. The days of letting it slide are over. Now you've done the party thing, okay? Got it out of your system. So quit being such a dumbass and get your life together because, here's a thought_, Braniac_, if you have to be high to do something, then you probably shouldn't be doing it."

Alice smiled, "Where are the boys?"

Rosalie nodded towards the hall, "Bathroom. I can see them from here. Em J's pooping and JJ is running Hot Wheels along the floor in the hallway."

With a nod, Alice turned her face back towards me and didn't skip a beat, "She's right, Brady. The things I did high, I would've never done-"

She giggled with a raised brow, "Well, I might have done _some_ of them but the point is that you need to get this under control now before it gets worse because it _will_ get worse. Do you know how worried everyone was about you last night? We had to stop Jay from going out and physically hunting you down so he could drag you back to the apartment."

The guilt weighed heavily on me; I couldn't meet their eyes. "Jay's a little hyper sometimes."

But sometimes he's not. Sometimes he's just kinda perfect.

Rosalie snorted as she looked down the hallway at the boys, "_Clearly_. But he loves you, Brady. We all do. And if you want to be some messed up little man-child throwing a massively irresponsible tantrum that could potentially destroy the rest of your life, then by all means go ahead. But I thought you had bigger aspirations than human party favor."

I cringed. That was a little harsh. Not untrue but harsh.

"I get it, Rose. I'm stopping. I already made up with Jay and everything. I know I've been messing up."

Alice smiled sweetly and nudged my foot under the table. "We know, sweetie. We're here for you if you need anything. Even if you don't."

I sniffled a little dramatically and pouted as I grabbed another cookie, "Rosalie is being kind of mean to me."

Alice chuckled as Rosalie scoffed. JJ came running into the kitchen full force as Rose swooped him up, upside down. He was giggling like a maniac as she grinned, "Uncle Beady thinks I'm mean, munchkin. What do you think about that?"

She tickled him as he squirmed and laughed all over the place.

"Tell him Aunt Rosalie is the best _ever_."

JJ yelled out between giggles, "AUNT ROSIE IS DA BEST AUNT EVER!"

"And the coolest," she kept on.

He answered back with more laughter, "SHE'S THE COOLEST, UNCLE BEADY!"

Rosalie smiled as she put him on his feet. He wobbled around for a moment before running over to Alice. She held out her arms, both of them still laughing as he climbed into her lap.

Rose went to help Em J wipe his butt and JJ smiled up at Alice, "I love Aunt Rosie but I want you to be my momma. Like 'fisherly and stuff."

Alice smiled back, "Well, maybe one day if your daddy and I get married it'll be official. But even if we're not, I'll still love you."

He reached toward the cookie tray, looking back at her. When she nodded, he grabbed one and munched down, "I know. You should just go ahead and get married."

With a small laugh, Alice tickled his ribs and chided, "Chew first, then talk. Your daddy has to ask me first."

"Why? If you love each other you should just be married. We can have cake. You should just ask him anyways. He'd marry you 'cause he loves you _sooo_ much," he rolled his eyes to emphasize his point.

Alice smiled thoughtfully, "Hmm, maybe."

I ate the last piece of my cookie and hummed, "Did Jeremiah bake these?"

Jeremiah was always baking stuff. It was pretty adorable.

"Yup," JJ nodded. "We brung 'em to Uncle Jay's last night." I forced a smile at Alice.

"You should totally ask him to marry you. Or just make more cookies." I grabbed another one. They were actually really good.

:::

After everyone left, I played around with Sparty for a while before cleaning up a little. I did some school work and then started cooking dinner.

When Suzie finally crawled through the door, I hollered out, "Hey, I'm in the kitchen! I'm making your favorite for dinner! Mac 'n' cheese with hamburger!"

She walked into the kitchen with a small smile, "Yummy. What's the occasion?"

I scooped out two paper plates full and brought them to the table, "Nothing. Just haven't seen much of each other lately."

Her hands tightened on the back of the kitchen chair as she just looked at me. And I looked back.

Suzie looked almost fragile. She may have always been a little skinny, but she was never fragile. She was like Wonder Woman; a warrior princess. But she had bags under eyes and no color in her cheeks. And for some reason she looked a little anxious.

Shit. What had I missed?

She looked at me the same way. Like she was really seeing me for the first time in a while, too.

And the next moment we were hugging.

So for the first time in a long time, we sat down and just talked.

.

.

.

"I've felt like a loser my whole life, Brady. Like the best thing I could ever hope for was someone to come along and save me, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Yeah, she was gorgeous in that movie but when it came down to it, she was still a _hooker_, ya know? Like that was the highest of my aspirations for so long. For some guy to just come along and rescue me."

She turned to look at me from where we were cuddled on the couch.

"And then I got here and my whole world changed. I had _options_ here. I could start over. Reinvent myself. I didn't need a man to rescue me, I could rescue my god damn self, ya know?"

I nodded against her shoulder, "Yeah. I think I'm starting to get that."

Kicking her feet up on the coffee table, she crossed her ankles and sunk back into the cushions with a sigh, "And it was great. I was doin' my thing. Kickin' ass at school and workin' towards this goal that was totally attainable now. But I think I just got a little carried away, tryin' to be Wonder Woman and shit. I was doin' too much and I couldn't slow down. I _wanted_ to keep goin' and for the first time in my life it's not about provin' people wrong about me. I just see all of these animals and I wanna help. Helpin' them makes me feel better than any guy ever made me feel. You wouldn't believe the number of abandoned pets, abused, neglected, scared, _hurtin'_. Some people say animals ain't got no soul but I think that's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

"I see these dogs who have been abused their whole lives, who've lost limbs and vision and hearin', but all it takes is the right medicine and the right love and they're right back _there_ lovin' with everythin' they got. Tails waggin', sloppy kisses, and asses wigglin' like crazy. It takes a Hell of a lot to break an animal's spirit."

I sighed as I ran my hand down Sparty's back, "People _are_ stupid, Suzie. They say stupid things all the time. And it's a good thing that you want to help these animals but, honey, you have to take care of yourself first. You're wearing yourself too thin."

She sniffled with a watery smile, "They all wanted to get us there last night to talk about our drug use, Boo Bear."

My eyes went wide as I gaped, "_Our_ drug use?"

Pursing her lips in a tight smile, she nodded, "Yup. They thought we were usin' together so imagine my surprise when I found out we were hidin' it from each other."

I was so confused, "Wait, what have _you_ been doing?"

Wiping at her eyes, she looked away, sniffling, "I'm so embarrassed. It was a late night at the hospital and we had just rescued a ton of animals earlier that day. We got sixteen cats from one house alone. And we were short staffed and I had been on for six hours already after goin' to classes all mornin'. I was exhausted but there was still so much to do. One of the girls there offered me a little pick me up. She had Adderall. It helped. Like, a lot. I had so much energy and was able to get so much done. But then I'd get back here and have the hardest time sleepin'."

"So you did it more than once," I stated.

"Yeah. I was doin' it a lot. Then comin' home and takin' sleepin' pills to knock me out so I could actually get a few hours. I just, I thought that it was okay because they're prescription, ya know?"

I pressed my lips together in a sympathetic smile and brushed her hair away from her eyes, "Yeah, but they're not your prescription, Sweetie."

She snorted with a raised brow, "I think you can understand the power of denial, darlin'."

With a small laugh, I nodded, "Yeah. Totally get that."

Playing with her hands in her lap, she huffed softly, "Yeah. So, anyway, after a while they started makin' me more jittery than focused and I started getting worried. Thinkin' that I came all this way, walked through god damn _fire_ to get this far away from my old life, and despite it all I was gonna end up an addict like my momma."

That was her biggest fear, ending up like her mom.

I found myself confessing before I even realized what I was doing, "I licked a vagina."

She gasped, bloodshot baby blues wide with surprise, "Oh my God! How the hell did that happen?"

So I purged. Told her everything.

We cried. We hugged. We shared a carton of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. And we made promises.

"I promised everyone I'd slow my roll. I went today and cut back on the number of hours at the hospital. And I dropped a class, moved a couple things around so that I have more chill time. If I ain't takin' care of myself, I can't really take care of them. Or you."

Raising her eyes up to mine, she whispered, "I'm really sorry, Brady. I promise to be a better friend to you."

Her bottom lip was quivering so I pulled her into my arms immediately, petting her hair. "I promise too, Suzie. I'm sorry. I love you."

She snuggled against me with a contented sigh, "Love you, too."

.

.

.

"I guess I get lonely sometimes. I mean, I ain't been on a date since Seth. That was ages ago. But I'm okay. I got plenty of time for that stuff once I get my life kinda settled, ya know? Like, I just wanna do _me_ for a while. I just want my friends and my animals and myself right now. The rest will work itself out."

"I'm really lonely," I confessed. "How do I get passed that, Suzie?"

"You have to find things that make you happy, Brady, and just fill your life with them."

She was right. So I thought about the things that made me happy. Drawing. Music. Animals. The boys. My friends. So from now on, that's what I was gonna do. Surround myself with all those things. "Is there anything I can do to help? Like at the hospital or the shelter?"

With a beautiful dimpled grin, her eyes lit up, "Yeah, actually there is. We've got this big adoption-fundraising event comin' up at the shelter. We don't really have the money to advertise but if you could draw up a flyer or somethin' that would really help. I could photocopy it and hang 'em up around the city."

I grinned back, "Sure. I can do that."

That actually sounded like fun. Something creative, with a purpose.

.

.

.

Suzie scooped a huge spoon of Frosted Flakes and sighed as the milk dribbled from her spoon, "I haven't had sex with another human in three years, Brady. Three years. I think I'm technically a virgin again."

She crunched down on the spoon as I pulled the Oreo from my glass and snorted, "I'm sorry but there's no way I'm going three years without sex."

I threw the cookie in my mouth, chewing as I mumbled, "No way."

I liked sex. I couldn't give it up completely. I just needed it to mean a little more.

Swallowing, I took a drink of my milk, wiped away the mustache and smiled, "But I'll be more selective. Learn their names first, maybe have them take me to dinner, try to find someone I actually like."

Suzie chuckled as she took another bite, "Good. 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with sex, Brady, but you should do it because you feel somethin' for the guy you're sharin' it with, not 'cause you feel nothin' and think it's safer that way."

She was right. But I didn't know if I was ready to trust another guy again. I mean, I could give my body away because I never liked it that much to begin with, except for my ass, but my _heart_? I wasn't ready to trust another man with my heart. Not when it felt like most of the shattered pieces were put back together but the glue was still wet.

It looked like I was going to have to invest in some new toys soon.

.

.

.

By the end of the night we had made a deal. We would have dinner together at least twice a week. We'd spend at least a few hours together during the week to play with Sparty. She would stick to her trimmed down schedule and I would cut back on the club. But I didn't think it was even a good idea for me to go because if I did, I'd just want to slip back into old habits. I needed a fresh start. A clean slate.

So I ignored all of Nicky's calls. He kept calling from his house phone and not his cell so I figured he must have lost it or it got shut off. I was kind of glad because that prevented him from texting me. I needed a clean break. And that was hard because I liked hanging out with him, but I had to get my shit together. It was fine though. I mean, we were just party boys and fuck buddies. Not even friends, really.

So I didn't know why I felt so guilty when I hit delete on his voicemails without even listening to them.

But it was good for me. I needed the time to clear my head. Suzie and I started spending more time together, and I threw myself into my job for the first time since I'd been there. I only had a year and a half of school left, so I wanted to actually move up. I mean, I went from Gift Shop Bitch to Tour Whore but I really wanted to do something more prestigious.

And I did want to do _something_ with my life. Something good. Something big.

First, though, I had something else I had to do. Something _big_.

I pushed on the door to Carlisle's office with my heart in my throat and shaking in my awesome boots.

He looked up from his desk and grinned, "Come on in, son. I'll be ready for dinner in a few minutes. You can have a seat."

Yesterday I had called him and asked if we could have a late dinner. I had something I needed to ask him.

Sliding into one of his office chairs I looked around at all the pictures. They were everywhere, adorning the bookshelves and walls and windowsill. Even his desk.

He was working quietly on his paperwork and I found myself walking over to the bookcase to get a closer look. There were pictures of all of us throughout the years. From barbecues and camping and holidays, the office was filled with memories of us. But it was a colored drawing hanging on the wall that caught my eye.

"I can't believe you still have this."

Carlisle looked up and chuckled, "Of course I do. You gave it to me for my birthday four years ago. You wouldn't believe the compliments I get on it."

I smiled, feeling kind of proud, "But it's so silly."

His hazel eyes shone as he grinned, "Yes. It is. I believe it captures our family perfectly. Don't you?"

He had been complaining about not having a family picture with everybody in it, so we all finally dressed up one Sunday afternoon and went out in the backyard. But it's really hard to get that many people and two little kids to all pose right at the same time. It took hours, and out of the hundreds of pictures Edward took, maybe two of them were good, with no one making a face or running after a child or hair going crazy in the wind. They had the best one hung up in their living room, but I thought the other pictures were funny. So for Carlisle's birthday I drew the same picture but in caricature.

I thought it was pretty funny. I didn't think he'd actually hang it up for people to see.

But he was right, "Yeah, I do."

He went back to his paperwork and without looking up he asked, "Is everything okay, son?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, I guess."

He stopped writing and studied my face. "You guess?"

"Well, I guess, I'm just kind of missing you guys. You, Esme and Peter."

"Why don't you stay the night? It's already late."

"I'd like to, but I have Suzie's car and she needs it tomorrow for work."

"Hmm. Maybe next weekend then?"

"Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I'd like that."

"Good."

He went back to his paperwork and I continued looking around. And I don't know where it came from or what made me say it but I found myself sighing.

"I wish I would've said yes when you and Esme asked me to move in."

Carlisle looked up again, sliding off his glasses as he nodded, "Yeah. I do too, Brady."

"I guess I just felt too guilty, ya know? That was the summer when Eddie was… "

I trailed off, not wanting to remind him of that summer. It was really, really hard on him and Esme. Carlisle had often said that had it not been for me, Rose, Em and Alice, he would've gone crazy the summer Edward was in the hospital and Jasper was gone.

"Yeah. That was a rough summer. I don't know how you guys convinced me to let you get away with so much."

"It's because you're a big old softie."

He chuckled, "Maybe. But you're all good kids. And I understand why you didn't move in with us. That was a crazy time. I'm just glad you never ventured too far away."

I frowned, feeling bad because I hadn't been much of a good kid lately. Carlisle and Esme didn't _have_ to have anything to do with me. They weren't obligated to help me or even care about me. Hell, my own biological parents didn't, but Carlisle and Esme did. They always wanted me around, wanted my opinions and never made me feel bad for being me.

I didn't realize my eyes were even tearing until I sniffled and felt Carlisle's hands on my shoulders.

"What is it, son?"

Wiping at my eyes, I cursed how weak my voice sounded as I rasped out, "I've been sleeping around a lot. I've been using condoms, but I've been drinking a lot and taking- just _everything_- and…" I stopped, taking a deep, shuddering breath, determined to man up and get through this. "I've been totally clean for a couple weeks now, but I just felt like I needed to tell you. I don't know why. I'm so sorry, Carlisle."

The old me might've been naïve enough to think that Carlisle wouldn't want anything to do with me after this. That he'd be embarrassed and ashamed to call me his son. But I knew better; I trusted him to love me no matter what I did, no matter how badly I messed up. And that just made me feel worse.

Because he hugged me, like I knew he would. So on days when I feel like I need a night out to get fucked and fucked up, I'll remember that Carlisle would still love me even when I didn't love myself. I needed to respect that.

I think that sometimes when we're too weak to do things on our own merit, it's okay to do them for someone else. To keep from hurting _them_. Until we're strong enough to resist because we don't want to hurt _ourselves_.

He held me tight, breathing into my hair as he growled, "This is your life, son. Your _life_. Do you not understand the weight of that? There are diseases that can kill you. _Dead_. Do you know how many people I see die from overdoses? Edward almost…and it was accidental but you're playing with fire."

Pulling away, he looked at me closely, his hands on my arms. His cheeks were red and I noticed a little gray wisped through his dark blond hair.

"You are my son. Do you understand that? _Mine_. I couldn't take it if something happened to you. Please quit risking your life to play rebel. I know you're angry. I know you're hurt, but there are better ways to deal with it."

"How?" I choked out, trying desperately to hold myself together.

"Come on. Let's get out of here and I'll show you."

He grabbed his jacket and rushed me to the door as I stammered, "Wait. Can you just leave like this?"

Carlisle smirked as he straightened his jacket, "I'm the boss. I can do whatever I want."

We walked past the nurse's station when one of them called out, "Dr. Cullen? Where are you going?"

With his arm around my shoulder, we turned back as he smiled, "I'm taking the rest of the night off to be with my son."

Her plump cheeks darkened as she spoke again, "Oh, well, um, you have surgery in four hours. Mr. Blake? Remember?"

Carlisle nodded, "Ah, yeah. Okay, I'll be back in four hours. Three and a half. Three. I'll be back in three hours."

"Okay, Dr. Cullen. Is this Brady?"

Huh. She knew my name.

"Um, yes. Hello, ma'am. Nice to meet you."

The woman smiled as she came over to shake my hand. "Oh your dad here just tells us all about you kids. You're the art student, right?"

I nodded as Carlisle beamed and it was nice to be introduced with pride and not embarrassment.

"Your dad is so proud of you. All of you in school, living on your own in the big city. Shoot, I can't even get my son, Scott, to stop playing video games long enough to get a job and move out. He's thirty-two, for crying out loud."

I chuckled, cheeks on fire as Carlisle smiled, "Well, we'd better get going, Helen. I need to make sure to be back on time for Mr. Blake."

"Oh yes. Of course, Dr. Cullen. It was nice to meet you, Brady. You're just a doll."

I smiled and gave a little wave as we walked off, "Nice meeting you too, Helen."

Carlisle leaned over and whispered, "If you let her keep going, she'll never stop."

I laughed as we made our way to the parking garage. Half an hour later we were in his garage with boxing gloves on. I was a little nervous as I stared at the big, heavy bag.

"I don't know, Carlisle. I mean, I don't hit very hard. I'm not very big."

He smirked as he held the bag in place, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, son, but the size of the fight in the dog. This is just a way to get your anger out without hurting yourself or others. So go ahead. Hit it."

I took a breath and raised my gloves. I felt kind of stupid but I'd do it for Carlisle. So I hit it a few times. Then a few times more. After that, it was kind of fun but I became overconfident, trying a ninja kick and ending up on my ass as Carlisle laughed.

He walked over and extended his hand to help me up, "You could always try jogging? Edward's been running for a few months now and really enjoys it. Says it helps him get his thoughts together."

I let him pull me up as I chuckled and brushed off my butt, "Yeah. That might be a better fit for me. Can we eat now? I'm starving."

He grabbed my wrists so he could start untying my gloves as he smiled, "Yes. Esme has some leftovers in the fridge. Oh and by the way, I want you to go to the doctor tomorrow. Get checked out. Tested. I have a friend who will see you and I'll pay for it. Don't even think of arguing with me on this, Brady."

Sighing, I dropped my hands, rubbing at the red marks on my wrists, "I won't. I'll go."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And I'll never be so irresponsible and reckless with my life and my body again."

I chuckled but rolled my eyes for good measure as I repeated his words, "I will never be so irresponsible and reckless with my life and my body again."

He threw his arm around my shoulder and smiled, "Good. That's good, son."

:::

"Oh my God, why did I agree to this again?" I whined as I stumbled beside Edward, trying to keep his stride and not kill myself from either tripping or running into oncoming traffic. Which was a feat at this ungodly morning hour. I'd usually be dragging my ass in from the club right now. Or I'd be in bed with Nicky.

But I don't do that anymore so now I'm up at ass o'clock in the morning jogging through the park with Edward. His bronze hair was sweaty, sticking up in places, matted in others. But his green eyes were bright as he flashed a crooked grin at me, "Because my dad made you feel bad. Don't worry though. Your ass looks great in those shorts."

I grinned back as I kicked up my step a little, "Yeah? I bought new ones for the occasion. See? They've got Thor on the back."

He just chuckled, cheeks red, "Yes. I'm aware. So, how are things going?"

I shrugged and recovered from a small stumble, "I don't know. Fine, I guess. School's good. Work's okay. How about you?"

"Fine. It's fine. Except…"

He trailed off and I glanced up at him, "Except what, Ed?"

Stopping next to me, he stood there for a moment panting before closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, "I have no idea what I'm doing with school. I mean, as far as a career. I have no idea. Everyone else has it figured out but me, I have no clue. We've only got a little over a year left of school and I still don't know what I want to do."

I took in a few breaths before speaking, "Well. If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?"

He looked up and snarked, "You mean, besides Jay?"

Giggling I nudged his shoulder, "Yes, Eddie. Besides Jay, what would you do if you could do anything?"

"That's the thing. I don't know. I'd probably play music and take pictures, read, write… I'd just do everything. I can't imagine spending my whole life doing the same thing, day in and day out, you know?"

"Sure, I get that, Edward. But, I mean, you're loaded. You really don't have to have a steady full time job like the rest of us do. So, why stress about it? Just try something and if you don't like it or get bored, move on to something else. You have that luxury. Take advantage of it."

He shifted from foot to foot as he scratched at the back of his hair, "But I feel bad. I feel like a bum. I mean, I got fired from the bookstore last week."

"Really? What'd you get fired for?"

"I was reading and sort of daydreaming. I didn't remember that I was supposed to be helping people."

I smiled, "That's okay, Ed. I forget that too sometimes. But seriously, don't feel bad. It's not like you'll be a bum. You'll be a Renaissance man."

Edward grinned crookedly, "Jack of all trades. Master of none."

Chuckling, I started jogging in place as I looked over at him, "That's the spirit, Eddie! C'mon, I'm getting in the zone now."

He just laughed as he picked up stride beside me.

I was quiet for a moment, taking in the peaceful scenery and kind of enjoying the way my chest burned from exertion.

Then I panted, "Hey Ed?"

He panted back, "Yeah?"

"You could always try modeling."

He started laughing and I grinned as I continued on, "Or mad scientist. Oh, you could be a judge on American Idol! For real, they let anybody do it and you're good looking enough for TV."

He just looked at me like I was crazy and I kept going, "Oh wait, I got it! You could buy an art gallery and appoint me as your personal artist!"

Edward rasped, "You mean like my own portrait artist?"

"Yup. Just like you're old school French Royalty. C'mon, Eddie, let me draw you like one of my French girls."

His sweaty bronze hair shook as he laughed breathlessly, "For the last time, I'm not getting naked for you, Brady."

I huffed with a grin on my face, "Oh come on! It's for art!"

:::

My fingers were clenching the little piece of paper with my test results on it as I let out a breath of relief. Everything had come back clean.

Closing my eyes as I sat there on the chair in the doctor's office, I whispered to myself, "I will never be so reckless with my life and body again."

:::

"Ugh! But the tests came back clean! I'm being good! Why, Carlisle, why?"

I was spending the night with Carlisle, Esme, and Peter the next weekend and things we were going great until Carlisle led me to his office where he had a damn projector and screen setup.

Yes, a screen and projector.

"Because I love you, Brady. And I enjoy taking full advantage of my powers as a doctor."

I groaned, throwing my head back against the couch as his arm around me tightened a little with a chuckle and a click to the next slide.

"Ah. Look at that, son. That's the herpes. Do you see how swollen the urethra is? It's so enflamed that it almost appears to be cracking open there at the head. Do you see? Don't worry, the next slide shows it magnified 400 times."

I was never having sex again.

:::

My eyes were clenched shut, knees digging into the mattress, hand tugging at my cock furiously as I fucked myself back onto the big, black dildo suctioned to my headboard. I imagined lips, pink and firm, scruffy chin and mouth brushing against my skin leaving it feeling raw and aching with sensation, strong, calloused hands holding too tight to my hips, enough to leave them deliciously sore and purple when he's done.

After I came, hard and desperate, I lay there, too exhausted and lazy to move and thought about how awesome it would be to be at the club right now. To be in the middle of all that flesh. To be sucked or fucked by an actual person.

And I thought about how nice it would be to be high. How I'd melt into the music and warmth of the bodies that surrounded me.

But I couldn't let myself dwell too much or I might crack. So I forced myself up and into the shower. And then I'd call one of my friends or do homework, or work on Suzie's flyers. I'd keep busy until the cravings passed. And try very hard to just not think about it.

:::

It had been a month since Nicky stopped calling, almost two months since the last time we spoke. I was too much of a wuss to ever tell him I didn't want to hang out anymore, but I thought he had finally gotten the clue. And then one Friday night while I was hanging out with Suzie watching Valley Girl and studying, I got another call. I still didn't answer but when the voicemail message popped up, I clicked on it before giving it a thought.

"Hi Brady. This is Valerie, Nicky's mom. So, I was just wondering if maybe you boys had a fight or something. We haven't seen you around for a while and with Nicky being on house arrest these last few weeks-"

Wait. What?

"He's been pretty down in the dumps. I know he'd like to see you. He always talks about how you're his best friend and Nicky's a sweet boy but he doesn't have many people he's close with like you."

Ugh. Knife through the heart. I hadn't even considered him a real friend, let alone best.

"Anyway, I didn't mean to intrude or anything but I just… if he did something to make you mad, please try to understand that he hasn't been himself lately? I hope you boys work it out. He's been moping around horribly and oh, he's probably going to be mad that I said that. So, um, yeah maybe just don't mention this call to him if you call him back. I wasn't sure if you had the house number since he doesn't have his cell anymore so just in case, now you have it. So I hope you call sometime, hon. Or stop over _anytime_. It's not like he's going anywhere. Ha. That was a bad joke. Okay. Bye sweetie."

My heart sank and I felt like the worst person ever. Nicky's on house arrest and he had been trying to call me and I didn't answer. He _always_ answered for me.

Damn it.

I started putting away my books as I told Suzie about the voicemail.

"Are you sure you should go over there? Want me to come with?"

"I think I need to talk to him first alone. I don't know if things are going to be okay with us. I feel like such a dick."

And then the realization struck me, "I just totally dumped him like Brandon dumped me. I just stopped talking to him. In fact, I'm worse – at least Brandon had the balls to break up with me in person before forgetting that I exist. I need to talk to him. Need to see if I can salvage this thing. If it's even worth it, ya know? If things work out then you can come with me next time, okay?"

She seemed to understand as she stood up and smiled, "Yeah, okay. But at least let me give you a ride over there. "

Fifteen minutes later we pulled in front of his apartment.

"Oh hell, am I really gonna do this?" I looked up at the building and felt sick. I had no idea how this would go.

Suzie put the car in park and turned to me, "Yup. 'Cause if you don't, you'll feel guilty. Like this gut-wrenching, can't eat, kind of constant bubble-gutty, gassy feelin'. Like less than a man, really."

I raised an eyebrow and huffed, "Jeez, I'm going, I'm going. I'm just…"

Panicking?

"Brady," she said my name, firm and with intent that made me pay attention, "I don't know if ya'll will end up bein' friends. I don't know if he's even good for you or if you should hang out with him anymore. But what I _do_ know is you. You're much too carin' of a person to turn your back on someone who's hurtin' without a word. So, go up there and be honest, say what you need to say. That's all you can do. But you gotta do it, ya know? You just got to."

She was right. This would eat at me until I faced it. It was time to put on my big boy undies even if I didn't really want to. Because I can't be the kind of guy who abandons people. I just can't.

"Yeah, okay. You're right. I'm going. Thanks, Suze."

We said good-bye with promises to text and call when I was ready to come home.

She drove away after I made it inside the building. I wanted to slow down and take a moment but I was afraid of over-thinking, so I didn't think at all until I was already knocking on the door.

"You can do this, Brady. You're strong and smart and brave. You can do this."

I chanted softly to myself until the door opened and I was faced with his mom. She had been really nice every time I saw her but she was always so busy that it wasn't much.

Her face looked tired but it wore a soft smile, "Brady, hi. Come on in."

Returning her smile, I nodded, "Hi. Thank you for calling."

She shut the door behind me and waved it off as nothing, "Nicky's in his room, sweetie. You can go on back."

I nodded again and started to walk away when she sighed so softly it was barely a whisper, "Thank you for coming."

I didn't respond. I wasn't even sure she meant for me to hear it but it made me feel worse anyway. I shouldn't be thanked for doing the right thing after all this time.

Taking a breath, I knocked softly on Nicky's door.

"Who is it?" he called quietly. I don't think I ever heard his voice so dejected before.

"Um, it's Brady."

He was quiet for a moment before I heard some shuffling. The door opened and we just stared at each other without speaking. I was surprised by how different he looked. He was wearing dirty white basketball shorts and a cotton candy pink t-shirt. The pink in his hair had grown out some, leaving his light blond hair exposed. It wasn't styled but kind of sticking up everywhere, like he just woke up. He wore no make-up and had a bit of stubble on his chin, and his usually vibrant face was drawn and sad. There was a big, black cuff around his ankle.

It was like looking at a different person.

"Um. Hey," I walked in and he closed the door behind me but didn't say anything.

So I continued, "Look, Nicky, I'm really sor-"

He cut me off with a grunt and held his arms crossed tightly across his chest, looking away from me. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I thought we were friends but apparently I was wrong. It's fine. You can leave now."

"I'm sorry," I tried again, my voice small and breathless with guilt.

Rolling his eyes, he walked past me and plopped down on the end of his bed, picking up his Xbox controller and ignoring me.

"Nicky, please-"

"You just fucking left me, Brady. Obviously you don't want anything to do with me since you've ignored my calls for almost two months."

"I'm sorry," I said again. It seemed like it was all I _could_ say.

His eyes flashed to mine and the controller bounced on the bed as he stood up and growled, "Do you know that the first two weeks I was worried sick about you? I got arrested and you wouldn't answer your god damn phone! I was worried that something happened because why on earth would you not want to talk to me, right?! And I couldn't leave to come check on you so I fucking worried myself sick! I'm so stupid! I never even imagined you were ignoring me; I thought something had to be wrong. Do you know how I found out you were just fucking fine and dandy? Facebook. I saw you posting on Facebook. Newsflash, Brady! If you wanna disappear from someone's life, at least have the decency to unfriend them so they're not forced to see how little they actually mean to you!"

Ouch.

I folded my arms across my chest like it would somehow shield me from his pain, but it didn't help when his voice broke on his next words.

"Do you have any idea how it feels to just be fucking abandoned by someone you thought cared about you?!"

I did. I knew _exactly_ how that felt.

I fought back tears as I tried to hold myself together enough to speak.

"Yeah. I do," I rasped, wiping furiously as the tears spilled over. I tried to steady my voice. "My parents kicked me out when I was fifteen. You didn't know that, though."

Nicky still looked angry. Hurt. But there was something else in his eyes, too. Curiosity maybe. Empathy. Understanding.

"And also?" I hesitated, not sure I could get through saying it out loud right now. But then I steeled myself and gritted my teeth because I needed to say it, "The night I met you I was nursing a broken heart after my first - and _only _- boyfriend dumped me. Yeah, I mean I know people break up all the time but I thought," I choked a little on the words, "I thought what we had was _real_. I thought we were friends. _Soulmates_. I thought he loved me. Thought he cared about me more than anyone ever had or ever would. But he dumped me. And we haven't spoken since. God, it's been a year and a half since we broke up."

Had it really been that long? It still felt fresh.

Nicky still didn't say anything but stood there looking at me, tears in his eyes.

"Here's the thing, Nicky. When I met you, I needed somebody to just help me have fun and go a little wild, You did that. I _needed_ you, and you helped me a lot. And for a while it was great. It was just what I needed to get my confidence back. But I got to a point where I needed to actually _feel_ my feelings so I could deal with them and move on. I needed to grow up. I like hanging out with you, Nicky, but I can't live in denial anymore."

Tears were streaming down his cheeks now as he looked down like he was ashamed. That wasn't what I wanted.

"Okay then," he choked out, "You should go."

Maybe I should've just left. But I didn't. I couldn't leave him feeling so rejected. Not when I was all too familiar with how that felt.

Moving forward slowly, I sniffled, "But I miss you. And I'd really like to be friends, Nicky. I wasn't a good friend to you before, but I'd really like another chance. So, can we maybe talk a little more before you decide if you wanna kick me out?"

Wiping at his eyes, he looked up at me and whispered brokenly, "What for? Why would you want to be friends with me? After all the shit I've done. I got you high the first time. And the second. And pretty much every time after that. I'm the reason you ended up with your face in that woman's-"

"Oh my God," I cut him off, "Do _not_ say that out loud. I can't deal with that particular memory at the moment, okay?"

Too many thoughts and emotions in my head already without adding that bit of shame to the mix.

Nicky sniffled, "I'm a fuck-up, Brady. You were smart to walk away. I'll only drag you down. That's what I figured out these past few weeks. That's why I quit calling you."

I took a step forward and ducked my head down to look him in the eye, "You didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do. I could've said no after that first time. I could've stopped but I didn't want to. Don't take that blame on your shoulders, Nicky. That's mine. I can take it." I gave him a small smile and rolled my eyes dramatically, "Now, c'mon, quit being a stubborn ass and give me a hug."

I held out my arms, knowing that he must be going crazy from lack of human contact. He was a social butterfly. Being chained up must be torture.

He crumbled into me, shuddering with tears, and held on tight. I had missed it.

.

.

.

"I haven't done anything since I got busted. Well, I mean, I slipped a few weeks ago but I haven't done it since then. I can't or I'll go to prison."

"What happened?"

He plopped down on his bed and sighed, "It was the night I was supposed to meet you over at the diner. I was in this guy's car about to sell him my last two pills when the cops just showed up out of nowhere. I was actually really lucky because I got rid of most of it earlier that night. I only had the two pills and I had run over to the all-night check cashing place down the street earlier because I had to pay my phone bill or it was going to get shut off the next day. So, I didn't have enough money or pills on me to charge me with intent. But they did charge me with felony possession."

I gawked as I plopped down next to him, "For two pills?"

"Yep. Two pills and I was facing six months but because it was my first offense they let me get off on six months house arrest. I have to complete a drug and alcohol awareness class, and do 160 hours of community service."

"Sweet baby Jesus, for two pills?"

Good Lady Gaga, that could've been me.

"Yeah. So my mom bonded me out the next day and I called you to tell you what happened and why I didn't show up but you never answered and never called me back."

"I'm sorry, Nicky. I didn't know. I thought you just ditched me for some guy."

"I would never ditch you, Brady. You were the only guy I actually considered a friend. I mean, I go way back with Dusty and Ian but we don't, like, talk about _real_ stuff, ya know? Like they laughed their asses off when I got arrested; made a big joke out of it but I was really scared. Terrified actually. It was so stupid. If they would've caught me two hours earlier, I'd be in prison right now. I mean, can you imagine _me_ in prison? Talk about a fucking nightmare."

"I'm sorry you went through that, Nicky. So, um, maybe I could go to those classes with you? I mean, if you want."

Looking up at me with big green eyes, he smiled, "You'd do that for me?"

I shrugged, "Sure. It can't hurt, right? And besides, I kind of owe you for being a dick."

He was quiet for a moment as he just looked at me.

Then he breathed out, "Yeah. That'd be nice. Thanks, guy."

I gave a small smile and shrugged. "Yeah."

And then he gave me a wicked grin and rolled me over, kneeling in front of me as his hands slid around my neck. He searched my eyes for a moment before cautiously nipping at my bottom lip. I smiled a little, glad to have the old, confident Nicky back. His tongue slipped out to trace my jaw, warm breath making me shiver.

"So, we can still fuck around, right? That's not off the table, is it?"

That was most certainly on the god damn table because it had been a two months since someone had touched my dick and I was already halfway hard.

I answered with fingers clenching in his hair, my tongue pushing into his mouth, and a hand thrusting into his shorts to wrap around his cock. He groaned into my mouth, fingers tangling in my hair as he squirmed against me. Dropping his hands down to my shoulders, he began trailing them down until he was fumbling with the button of my jeans.

Pulling away I gasped, "Go lock your door."

He nodded dumbly, still a little caught up and breathless, but after a moment he was scrambling off the bed. With a quick click of a button, he w as coming back, shedding his clothes as he moved quickly across the floor, stopping only long enough to turn on some music. I chuckled as the Pixies filled the room, and I tossed my shirt and shimmied out of my jeans and underwear.

A minute later we were a tangle of limbs, bodies intertwined so that every part was touching something else. We were both completely touch-starved and it felt so good to just feel something _real_. Friendship. Care. _Skin_. Fingers and lips. It wasn't perfect but it was real.

He was on top of me, legs outside my waist as he grinded down but it wasn't hard enough. I needed more. So I slid my hands under his thighs and pushed him back in one swift, rough motion causing him to gasp and fall to his back against the mattress while I pinned him to it.

I used my forearms to hold his legs open wide as I dry humped the fuck out of him. Our dicks were sliding together sloppily and with so much friction that I could barely stand it. I really wished there was someone pushing into me, too. I missed it.

Nicky's hands were wrapped tight around my neck, little huffs in my ear as he moaned with each grind of my hips. And then his back arched, eyes rolling back as he came between us. The sticky, warm slickness was just what I needed and soon I was spilling over, hips twitching pitifully as I collapsed.

After a moment of recovery, I rolled off him and laid there, naked, sweating, covered in cum and smiling at the ceiling.

"Wow," he panted. "That was incredible. Have you been working out? You felt really strong."

I folded my arms behind my head and grinned at him, "Yeah, a little."

That wasn't a lie. I had totally worked out with Emmett. _Twice_.

.

.

.

I texted Suzie that I was gonna stay the night and we were working things out so she wouldn't worry. Then we got cleaned up and made a night out of it. Just hanging out. Completely sober.

"I'm sorry about your parents, Brady. They sound like jerks."

I smiled half-heartedly, "Yeah. So, what about you? Where's your dad?"

He shrugged as he chewed on his fingernails, knees hugged tight to his chest, "I don't know. He left when I was fourteen. He sent Lisa birthday cards for the first couple of years, then he just kinda vanished. I think he's in California somewhere but I'm not sure."

"Oh. I'm sorry. He sounds like an ass."

He sighed, "He wasn't bad, actually. I mean, he never would've won Dad of the Year or anything, but he wasn't mean. He didn't hit us or call us names or anything."

"Things just didn't work out with him and your mom?"

"He left because of me, when I came out. Actually, I got caught making out with my friend, Brett. He didn't really say anything. Barely spoke to me. And about a week later he was gone. Mom stayed. Tried to keep the house but couldn't stay up with the bills. So we moved here. I started selling to help her, ya know?" He sighed, rolling his eyes. "Like I really thought I could make enough money to help her get a house again. To help keep Lisa from growing up in this shitty little apartment. I've cost her more money these last few months than I've ever given her. It's my fault we live this way. She should've just taken Lisa and left with my dad. They'd all be better off."

"But she didn't, Nicky. Your mom stayed because she loves you. I wish my mom would've loved me enough to want me, even if he didn't."

He shrugged, picking at his fingernails. "I don't deserve it. I've done nothing but cause her trouble, money, grief. I'm a horrible son."

"So, be better, Nicky. Do what you have to do. Get a job, and help her."

"I have a felony now, Brady. I'm pretty much screwed."

"Not necessarily. I know people."

He raised a less than perfect eyebrow, "Oh yeah? Who?"

I grinned as I pulled out my phone and opened my pictures, "This is Carlisle Cullen. He's like my adopted dad. He's also like Jesus."

Nicky snorted, "Yeah? He's a total DILF."

"Yeah. He knows a lot of people. Maybe he can help. I'll call him tomorrow. Do you want to see pictures of my friends? Well, really they're my family."

"Yeah, okay."

"Okay, so this is Emmett and Rosalie with little Em J."

"Aww. He's cute. The baby's adorable too."

I chuckled as I scrolled, "And this is Jeremiah, Alice and JJ."

"Damn, he's a hottie. Are all your friends so good looking?"

I smirked as I scrolled to Eddie and Jay.

His mouth dropped open as he grabbed my phone to zoom in, "Holy mother of Macy's, you _know_ them? In real life?"

I nodded, feeling a little smug, "I see them make out all the time."

"No wonder you're always horny."

"Right?!"

And then he scrolled the wrong way.

"Oh my God. Who _is_ this? He's a fucking beast! Nicky likey long time."

I sighed, "That's Brandon. My ex-boyfriend."

"Holy shit."

Looking away from his picture because it made my chest ache, I pulled my knees up to my chest and let out a breath, "Yeah. I know it's hard to believe I ever landed _that_ guy."

Nicky nudged me, "Why is that hard to believe?"

Rolling my eyes, I turned to look at him expecting a smirk, but he looked completely serious.

"Uh. Because look at him. He looks like _that_ and I look like _this_."

Nicky just continued to stare at me until he finally huffed, "Dude. You're hot as balls. What are you talking about?"

My cheeks flashed hot but I couldn't help but smile skeptically, "You think I'm hot?"

With an exaggerated flailing of his hands he laughed, "Oh my God, see?! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You're sitting here trying to be all shy but you totally dry humped the fuck out of me half an hour ago. It's so sexy! Plus you've got the _best_ skin and shiniest hair and don't even get me started on your ass. Also, the whole Latino thing is _so_ hot."

Pushing into his ribs, I chuckled, "I'm not Latino, asswipe. I'm Indian."

"Really? Like Kumar from those stoner White Castle movies?"

"No. Like cowboys and Indians. I have a tribe and everything. Well, _had_ a tribe."

"No shit?"

"No shit."

.

.

.

:::

After Nicky and I spent the night talking, and doing _other_ things, it was better between us. Nicky got his phone back so we texted a lot and talked some. I promised to hang out with him as much as I could while he was on house arrest and we went to our first Drug and Alcohol Awareness Meeting.

Which okay, it was mostly stupid, but if Nicky had to go then I thought I should, too. I also convinced him to go get tested. Well, I informed him of my new 'no blowjobs' rule until he was tested, and he went the next day. Luckily, his tests came back clean, too.

But it was Friday night and I had promised Em some boob time, so the boys were on their way over to spend the night. Which meant Nicky and I couldn't celebrate his results with congratulatory fellatio until tomorrow.

That was okay though. I was looking forward to seeing the boys.

:::

Okay, so maybe I had given up one addiction for another because I couldn't keep myself from stalking Brandon's Facebook page, now that he was posting stuff. It was like crack. Seriously, I stared every time I got a free moment. Some of them were pictures of his work, which wow, still amazed me every time I saw it. And some were of Dolly. She was so big now. But Brandon still babied the hell out of her. I could tell by the way she grinned at the camera. And some were of him. Just random pictures of him and the people still lucky enough to be in his life. The good thing though, was that I knew every person who posed with him. No new faces. No boyfriend.

:::

He has a date. He has a _date! _

Melitta had tagged him on a post to tell him good luck on it.

_Bitch_.

It was stupid to feel so hurt. So betrayed. He had a _date_ and I had slept with a _dozen_ guys since him but for some reason it made my chest feel like it was being ripped open all over again.

So I called Nicky.

"Hey, wanna hang out?"

"Hey guy. Sure, if by hang out you mean jerk each other stupid and then eat a whole pizza in front of the TV."

"Awesome. Be there in half an hour."

"K. Be careful."

:::

The date had never been mentioned again so I took that as a good sign. I mean, yeah I felt totally guilty and awful but it wasn't like I didn't want Brandon to be happy. I just didn't want him to be happy with someone else. Because I wasn't.

:::

"Be nice," I raised an eyebrow at Jay who just snickered behind me.

"I'm serious, Jay. You too, Rosalie." They both rolled their eyes at me as their respective spouses elbowed and nudged them to keep them in line.

I knocked on the door with my heart in my throat. I had no idea how this would go but my worlds were about to collide and I was a nervous wreck.

The door was pulled open and Nicky smiled in all his electric blue-haired glory, "Hey!"

.

.

.

The night actually went better than I expected. Since Nicky couldn't leave his apartment, I had suggested a get-together at his place so my friends could meet him. They had been bugging me about it ever since they found out I was hanging out with him again. I know they wanted to make sure we were really staying clean and probably wanted to feel out the guy a bit.

Which Nicky was totally on board with. Now that he wasn't selling or using, his other friends mysteriously disappeared, so he was pretty lonely. And my friends were gracious as always. Lisa totally adored Em J and JJ, and Alice and Rosalie took to Nicky's mom and Lisa right away, too. They talked about clothes and movies and made plans to have a girls' day out.

And everyone was nice to Nicky, giving him a chance instead of tossing him aside like he wasn't worth it. Which I should've known they'd do because it's just the type of people they are. At the end of the night after Jeremiah, Alice, Rosalie, Em and the boys left. Suzie, Jay, and Eddie stayed.

Eddie and Jay were asleep on Nicky's bedroom floor. Jay was curled up on Edward's chest as he yipped about a steak on a grill and none of that George Foreman bullshit.

Suzie was in bed with us, right in the middle because if she wasn't getting any, neither were we. But it was nice. Nicky and I were draped around her as he joked about how he might go bi now that he knows how soft boobs are.

Later that night, when she was asleep and holding onto us, I felt a hand slide over mine from where it rested on her stomach. I blinked my eyes open sleepily to see Nicky looking at me with a soft smile.

"Your friends are really awesome, Brady. I appreciate them being so nice to my mom and sister."

"Yeah, they're pretty great."

His hand brushed against mine as he whispered, "Thanks, guy. I'm really glad we're friends."

I smiled and squeezed his fingers from where he had twined them with mine. "Me too, Nicky. G'night."

He smiled, "Night."

Then he reached over and pecked me lightly on the lips. It was a little odd since we didn't give each other good night kisses; we usually just fell asleep tangled together and covered in cum. But I didn't think too much about it before falling asleep.

:::

So, yeah, I got promoted to Junior Administrative Assistant to the Chief Curator. Which basically meant I got coffee, filed stuff, and did all the tedious crap the real administrative assistant didn't want to do, but…I DIDN'T HAVE TO WEAR A UNIFORM!

All hail zombie Jesus! I was so excited, Suzie and I had a bonfire in the metal trash can in the backyard to celebrate, the scent of roasting polos and khakis wafting through the neighborhood. The toasted marshmallows had never been so delicious.

:::

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that's so hot."

I smiled as I twirled around in my fancy new suit Alice bought me for my promotion. It was dark metallic grey with a lavender shirt and tie. Even the socks matched!

"I know!" I responded. "Isn't it badass!"

Nicky smirked as he leaned against the doorframe of his bedroom, "I wasn't talking about the suit, Brady. I was talking about you."

My cheeks tinted a little from his ogling but when I turned back to the full length mirror I kind of ogled myself. I did look good. My skin looked better, hair shiny, body filling out just a little. Yeah, I didn't look bad.

"Um, thanks, Nicky. So, oh my God, what do you think the guys at the club would think if they saw me like this?"

He pushed away from the door with a roll of his eyes, "Who cares. They don't deserve you but…"

Trailing off, he slithered behind me, head on my shoulder as we both looked in the mirror. His hand slid around to my jacket, pulling it open gently as he began to slowly pop the buttons on my shirt.

And I swear he gave me the look. You know, the _look_. The way he stared at our reflection in the mirror made my heart drop, and I couldn't help but wonder what exactly he was _seeing_. Because I _clearly_ remember looking at Brandon like that.

But the moment was over too soon for me to really think about it. It was probably just my imagination. There was no way Nicky would ever like me like _that_. I've seen the guys he liked. They were big. Tough. Manly. And tops.

I wasn't any of those things.

Then he was nipping at my neck, whispering breathlessly, "…but I could eat you up. In fact. I think I will."

He pulled down the zipper of my pants, hand sliding in easily and slipping into my briefs to wrap around my cock. It started to thicken and throb as he gently eased it through the fly and kissed along my chin until he was in front of me.

And then he was on his knees ready to take me in his mouth when I gasped, "Wait! I don't wanna ruin my pants. Take them off."

Nicky looked up at me with a wink as he held my dick in his hand, "Okay, boss. Whatever you say."

There was no blowjob in the world worth ruining my awesome pants.

:::

Because fate is not always a spiteful bitch, I was wearing my awesome new suit the next time I saw Oliver. I was at work going through some files and imagine my surprise when I saw a familiar face.

"Oliver! Hi!" I called out on instinct as I saw him walking through the upstairs offices.

He turned, smile immediately gracing his face as he walked over to meet me. "Brady? Wow, look at you."

I grinned, doing a little twirl as I chuckled, "I know right? I think this is the first time you've ever seen me not in khakis."

He laughed at my little display then smirked, "Not true, Brady. I did see you at the club that one time, remember? You were twirling your shirt around your head like a helicopter."

My cheeks burned but I couldn't stop smiling, "Oh yeah. Kind of forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me."

Oliver nodded, lips curled into wicked smile, "Anytime."

And here comes the awkward moment of silence as I sort of roll on the balls of my feet and _OH_ _MY_ _GOD_, why I am I thinking about balls right now?

I didn't know what to say or what to do and this is exactly why I liked being high! When I was high I may have been just as awkward but I didn't know it.

Dropping my eyes to the ground I was just about to say something stupid like 'Adios' before turning tail and running away when I felt fingertips brushing my hair behind my ear. I shuddered, eyes snapping up to see his hazel ones looking at me. There was a smirk on his face and mirth in his eyes.

"Have you thought about getting a haircut? It might fit well with this new," he dragged his eyes up and down my body, "more grown-up look."

I was going to spontaneously combust and die because I'm pretty sure my dick just moved.

Dragging a hand through my hair, I chuckled nervously, "Did you seriously just do the 'hair behind the ear tuck' on me?"

He laughed, a genuine surprised little chirp before taking a breath and nodding as he squared his shoulders back up, game face back on.

"I did. I'm old school. Why mess with the classics?" he winked and that made me laugh a little.

Somehow, even though my face was still on fire, I managed to smirk back, "Does it usually work for you?"

Now his cheeks tinged pink as he chuckled, "I guess we'll see. Well, I better let you get back to work. There are a couple of girls over there who look like the squeal they're containing would shatter glass."

Whipping my head around, I see Cami and Gaby quickly turn around and I groan internally because they're going to want details.

Looking back to Oliver, I give a small smile, "Um, yeah. I should probably go."

"Okay," he nodded, "I'll see you later, Brady. Congratulations on the new job."

My smile broke into a grin as I raised my hand in a weird little wave, "Thanks. See you later."

I watched as he walked away and disappeared through the big main doors of the office. Then I took a breath and headed for the firing squad.

But I did find out some interesting information from the girls: Oliver Mackenzie was his full name, he often attended the after-hours fundraising events the museum held and was a substantial contributor, and he was divorced. From a woman.

Like I said, very interesting.

:::

I don't know how Eddie and Jay talked me into this. They must've made out in front of me or something, rendering me temporarily incapable of rational thought because kids kind of scared the crap out of me. Volunteering to teach an art class for a bunch of five to eight-year-olds did _not_ sound like something I would want to do. Like, ever.

I mean, I loved JJ and Em J; they were _great_ kids! Other people's kids might not be so…great.

But after being such an ass these last few months, I figured getting covered head to toe in washable paint and slimy kid goo was a pretty decent penance.

Edward and Jasper volunteered at a center that had free and low-cost after-school and weekend programs for kids. They could get homework help, learn music or art, sports, or listen to stories and have structured playtime. The girl who usually taught the art classes was out sick and they were so short staffed they didn't have anyone to replace her on short notice.

That's how I found myself there on a Thursday afternoon. Dressed in my loose, non-ass accentuating jeans and green Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt, I huffed at Jay, "I hope you know there are not many people I would dress this frumpy for."

Jay chuckled down at me, looking decidedly not frumpy in his ordinary clothes, as he grinned, "I didn't tell you to dress frumpy."

I might have scoffed a little loudly, "You said to wear clothes I wouldn't mind getting dirty! I'm not ruining my good jeans for this."

He just laughed as he threw his arm around my shoulder before leaning down to whisper, "Have fun and good luck, Brady."

And then he walked away leaving seven children looking up at me. I almost made a run for it when one of the little girls asked, "What's frumpy?"

Gazing down at her, my mind went blank with anxiety. Who thought leaving me responsible for children, even for an hour, was a good idea?

"Um…it's like, when you're not dressed in your nice, good clothes."

The kids just stared at me, strange little things, while I stared back. Thank Buddha they broke first.

"I like your shirt! I think it's cool! Raphael is my favorite!" A little boy said as he bounded into little ninja kicks across the back of the room.

"Yeah, me too!" "I like Michelangelo! He loves pizza!" "I love pizza too!"

A little boy with blond waves stepped up close to me; I started to worry but he smiled, "Your shoes are green, too. They match your shirt. You don't look frumpy."

He noticed my awesome green Converse. Okay, so maybe these kids weren't so bad.

I smiled as I crouched down to be more on their level, "Thanks. So, um, did you guys know that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were actually named after famous artists?"

They erupted in answers, some yes and some no but they all looked interested and I couldn't help but feel really good.

"They were all Renaissance artists. Do any of you know what the Renaissance was?"

They didn't. So it was cool to introduce them to it. After a small discussion where I showed them some works on my phone (taking special caution not to show any of the pieces that had penises), I was really enjoying their enthusiasm. I actually started to get a little excited too.

"Okay, now let's go get our smocks and create some of our own masterpieces, yeah?"

They responded with so much excitement that it made me excited to teach them. And I kind of wondered if the program could use another regular volunteer.

:::

I was on second base, swaying back and forth as I saw Jay step up to the plate. He twirled the bat around with a smirk on his face. I nudged Edward, who was playing second base, and tried to psyche him out, "Man, that's sexy, huh? The way he handles that wood."

Raising my eyebrows suggestively, Edward's cheeks turned as red as his hair. Trying to inconspicuously adjust his dick, he wasn't having much luck with the giant baseball glove attached to his hand as he whined, "Stop, my parents are right there."

Just on cue, Carlisle yelled from the outfield, "Head in the game, son!"

Edward rolled his eyes as I grinned over at him, "I bet Jay gives awesome head."

His green eyes got wide as he huffed, "Oh my God, stop with the psychological warfare!"

"Okay, okay. Sorry."

He let out a puff of air as he turned back to watch his husband clench that bat. I leaned over and whispered, "Watch the way his muscles flex and strain when he swings that long, hard piece of wood, Eddie."

Edward's eyes turned to me right as the crack of the bat thundered through the park. I giggled as I took off running and the ball flew right past him.

Sure, maybe it was dirty but we were only behind by one point in the bottom of the ninth inning. If me and Jay could both clear the bases, we'd win.

This was clearly what my jogging dates with Eddie were meant to prepare me for. For once, I was going to help win.

The ball went ridiculously far and skimmed the edge of the forest around us but Rosalie was there in a flash, grabbing the ball and throwing to Carlisle. I was rounding third, Jay not far behind me as I looked towards the home plate to see Jeremiah with his glove up, ready to catch the ball and tag me out.

Alice screamed from the pitcher's mound, "Get him, Jeremiah! Get _Brady_!"

Not today, my little manic pixie friend. Not today.

Carlisle lobbed the ball to Edward who threw it perfectly to Jeremiah's outstretched glove.

I focused on home plate and even as Jeremiah stood there with his glove out, I didn't slow down a bit.

Jeremiah's eyes got wide as he yelled to Alice, "He ain't stoppin'! He ain't stoppin'! What do I do?"

And the crowd went wild as Jeremiah held his arms up and stepped back, "Go 'head, man. It's all yours."

When my foot touched the base I felt like Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid after he did the crane kick and broke that guy's nose.

Jay came in right behind me as Suzie yelled, "Well, damn, bubby why didn't you just tag the base?"

For a moment Jeremiah had this look on his face like he hadn't even thought about that. But then he just shrugged it off, pulled off his glove, and hollered back, "I'm hungry! We can't win 'em all! Don't be greedy, little sister. It's ugly."

"Your face is ugly!" she screamed back.

Esme chuckled as she started pulling out the stuff from the coolers, "Oh, how I missed my sweet family."

Jay came up and threw his arm around my shoulders as we walked back to the picnic tables, "Damn, Brady. That was badass."

With a smug smile, I nodded, "I know."

Jeremiah came up on the other side and threw his arm around my shoulder as he snickered, "Now what would you a'done if I didn't move?"

I cocked an eyebrow and whispered, "I would've plowed into you so hard that you would no longer be the gayest straight boy I know but the gayest _gay_ boy I know."

His mouth dropped open and wide blue eyes stared at me as Jay held up his fist for me to bump, "Ooooh, snap, that was cold-blooded."

I chuckled as Jeremiah just shook his head, cheeks red as he mumbled, "Well, damn. Now you got me questionin' my manhood and shit."

That made me laugh even harder. Jeremiah was always questioning his manhood.

Alice ran up and twined her way through me and Jeremiah with a giggle, "What are we talking about? Great moves, by the way, Brady. I thought you were going to plow right into Jeremiah."

Jeremiah huffed, "I know you heard him, Alice."

She broke into a fit of giggles as she nodded, "I'm totally cool with it as long as I get to watch."

We all started laughing as Jeremiah broke away with a grumble, "You guys suck."

Grinning, I called after him, "That wasn't part of the plan but it can be arranged!"

He shook his head, shoulders shaking from laughter.

:::

"Hey Jeremiah?"

"'Sup, Brady?"

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Anything, pretty boy," he grinned with a wink as he loaded up his burger.

"It's just… I'm sure Brandon doesn't talk about me anymore. I doubt if I ever come up in, like, casual conversation but just in case… would you not tell him about, ya know, everything?"

"I won't say anything, Brady."

"Thanks. It's just, uh, embarrassing."

"Shit, man. This one time after a fight me and Candace had way back when, I got so fucked up that I pissed on a cop car with the mother fucker sittin' right at the wheel. And then I ran. Got caught. Spent the weekend in lockup."

"Really?" I giggled.

"Yup. I was butt naked the whole time, by the way."

I burst into a fit of laughter, "Oh my God, you and Alice are perfect for each other."

:::

"Oh my God, are you serious? You got me a car?"

I looked at the little red Mustang parked in front of my house and then back to Carlisle and Esme.

She grinned, pulling me into a hug.

"I knew you'd like it."

I was bouncing with excitement. It was shiny and red with tan interior and sooo pretty. I would call her Lucy after the late great Lucille Ball.

Carlisle dropped the keys in my hand, "I'm just glad someone appreciates a sports car." He chuckled as he elbowed Edward in the gut, "This one made me get him a Volvo."

Edward's lips curled into a snarky crooked grin, "That Mustang would've never made it to Texas."

With a furrowed brow, Carlisle opened his mouth to say something when Jay piped in.

"Then to Michigan," he laughed as he wrapped his arms around Eddie from behind and laid his chin on Edward's shoulder.

Carlisle's brow got even darker as he looked at Jay and started to speak again when Emmett shrugged, "And then back to Washington. Yeah, he's right. Mustang would've never made it. The Volvo was the right choice."

Jay bit down on Edward's ear lobe with a soft chuckle, "Just imagine how much more comfortable the convertible woulda been though, Ed. Havin' the top down woulda given us a lot more room."

Eddie turned to look at him, cheeks red but eyes staring intently at his husband's lips.

"You're all grounded," Carlisle sighed as he turned back to me, "Now, this car is a birthday- congratulations on your promotion-early graduation gift. As long as you're doing well in school and taking care of yourself, I'll pay the insurance."

I didn't even know what to say. Didn't know if I could even say anything because I was grinning so hard.

"Well, come on, son! Let's go for a drive."

We got in the car and I took a minute to adjust everything just right. Then I just sat there a moment, breathing in and out and taking it all in.

This was huge. With a car came freedom. I could go anywhere now. _Any_ _time_.

It was an amazing feeling.

Fastening my seatbelt, I pulled my sunglasses down from where they sat on my head and grinned, "Thanks, Carlisle. This is like, I have no words."

He reached over, ruffling the back of my hair as he just nodded, "No words necessary."

We shared one last smile before I pulled out onto the road, ready to see what this baby could do.

:::

It was a beautiful, sunny day. The wind was whipping through my hair, hot sun beating down as I drove the long stretch of highway that cut through the woods near the Cullen's house. Carlisle, Esme and Peter were keeping the boys and we were all just going to crash there later tonight. But now we were headed to the beach, and it was the first time in a while that all of us had hung out together without little eyes nearby so everyone was a little amped up.

In the SUV behind me were Emmett, Rose, Suzie, and Alice. Jeremiah was in my front seat, Eddie and Jay in the back. Nicky only had a few more weeks of house arrest and soon he'd be able to join us for occasions like this, but I was kind of glad that it was just me and my _family_ for now. It was the perfect day and I was really excited about all of us spending the whole day together.

Jeremiah grabbed my phone from the console and started scrolling through my music.

I gasped in mock horror, "Jeremiah? What are you doing?"

He looked over at me and yelled over the roaring wind, "I'm changin' this shit!"

I yelled back, "Don't ever touch a gay man's radio!"

With a loud laugh he grinned, "Aww, c'mon! Look! It's our song!"

I recognized the song as soon as it came on. It was silly but it made me laugh. Wiz Khalifa's, _We Dem Boys_, started blaring and me, Jay, and Jeremiah all started singing along. Loudly.

It reminded me of the concert we went to a couple months back. It had been so much fun. We all got high because Jeremiah explained that you can't go to a Wiz concert and not get high. It was the first time I had done anything in a while but I handled myself fine. We didn't get out of control but we had a blast. Just bouncing around to the music, smoking with strangers, and singing at the top of our lungs. I felt like one of the guys. It was really awesome.

All of a sudden, the SUV pulled up beside me, Emmett bouncing in his seat, throwing up his hand and singing, "We dem _boys_!"

We were just letting loose and acting our ages. Months of work and school and babies and responsibilities were reason enough to take just this _one_ day to let it all go.

Soon we were at the beach, coolers unpacked, and in the water. We started drinking early so that we could sober up before we got back to the house tonight; it was gonna be a nice long day. But before we all started getting tipsy, I wanted to go jump the cliffs.

"Who's coming with me?"

Jeremiah raised an eyebrow and snickered, "You must be outta your god damn mind if you think I'm jumpin' from that mother fucker on purpose."

That was actually kind of the point. To jump on purpose.

Alice, Rosalie, Eddie, and Jay all ended up coming with me in the end.

Eddie and Jay went first, then Alice and Rosalie.

When I was alone at the top getting ready for my jump, I took in a deep breath, loosened out my limbs, and felt the rush come over me as I started to run for the edge.

I was grinning as I leapt over, weightless for just a split second. It felt like I was flying until gravity caught up and began dragging me down. But I loved it because I was prepared for it. I was prepared for the sting of the water and the force in which it would pull me down. I was prepared to fight my way to the top so I could breathe again. I was ready for it.

You couldn't prepare for a fall, the clumsy misstep always took you by surprise and as you hit the ground, it almost always hurt.

But when I broke through the water, gasping, lungs aching, legs burning, I felt young and strong and _alive_. And I felt really grateful for it.

.

.

.

It was dusk and everyone had scattered off on in their little pairs for a little alone time. Alice and Jeremiah were in the water, her arms around his neck as they kissed softly under the setting sun. Em and Rose were walking along the beach holding hands, her long, loose hair blowing gently in the breeze. Eddie and Jay were curled up on a big blanket, watching the sun dip into the water. Edward reached for him and Jay gently took his hand, kissing his knuckled before uncurling his fingers and biting the tip of one. And then he said something with a wicked dimpled grin that had Eddie crawling on top of him with a crooked grin of his own.

Suzie was sitting next to me with her head on my shoulder.

With a dreamy sigh, she spoke, "The sky is so pretty."

I smiled, "Yeah, it is."

"It's been a really good day, huh?"

"Yeah, it has."

For the first time in a long time, I felt really, truly _content_. I thought I needed a boyfriend, someone to love me, but maybe I don't. I've got my friends. _They_ love me. And I'm content with myself; my life.

I think it was the most peaceful feeling I had ever felt.

:::

Why is there a Texas number calling me?! Is it Melitta? It has to be Melitta. _Right_? Yeah, for sure Melitta. But what if it's-

No, it's definitely Melitta. It's been two years. There's no way Brandon would ever call me after all this time. No way. Right?

Right. Of course it's Melitta.

And she can just leave a message because I don't know if I should talk to her. It's been a long time since she called.

So why would she call now? Did something happen to him? His cousins would know if something happened; I didn't need to hear it from her. Jeremiah would tell me if something was wrong. I think.

Fuck. They didn't leave a message.

I think I might throw up.

:::

"Um, hey Brady. This is Brandon. I'm sorry for just callin' you outta the blue like this. I just…I wanna talk to you. Would you call me back? Okay, bye."

I played the voicemail again. And again. And _again_.

Fuck, I couldn't stop. His voice. God, his _voice_. I missed it. I missed _him_. It was like my chest was ripped open all over again and I just couldn't…

I couldn't go through this again. I couldn't try to get over him again. I just _couldn't_.

So, after one last ugly cry, I felt good. Strong. Like maybe I was starting to get over him. Us. I was really starting to move on. So, I changed my number.

:::

"If you wanna delete me after this I understand. But I need to tell you how sorry I am. I am so sorry Brady. I messed up so bad. I needed to do this a long time ago but I wasn't ready. And I'm sorry for that to. I didn't mean for all this time to go by. It went by to fast and to slow at the same time. That probably don't make no sense but I hope maybe 1 day you can forgive me. You are the best thing that ever happened in my life. I can't go threw a day without thinkin of you. Everythin I have is because of you. Without you there wouldn't be no me. Not like I am today. I'm different because of you. I'm better. Your the reason my life is finally good. I wish I could share it with you but I chose to push you away before I could ever loose you because why would I ever deserve you? That's my biggest regret pushing you away. And I got lots of regrets. But nothin hurts like loosin you. I hope 1 day we can at least be friends again. I miss you Princess. So fuckin much. I hope your happy. If you ever need me even if we never talk again I'm here for you. I'm not the same man I was. I'm guessin you ain't either. I'd really like the chance to get to no you again. I no I don't deserve it but I'm hopin maybe someday you'll give me a chance anyway. I think this is the most I ever typed in my life. Sorry for ramblin and sorry for buggin you these last couple weeks. I'm gonna back off now. Take care."

I read it again. And again. And _again_.

And it hurt each and every time but I couldn't stop.

I thought about unfriending him. I came _really_ close.

_Damn it!_ I really thought I was getting over him. Moving on. Why can't I just move on? Why won't he let me?

Just the thought of talking to him again, of seeing him, made my heart race and my knees weak.

But I just couldn't bring myself to hit the unfriend button because it was _Brandon_.

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

:::

"_I hope maybe 1 day you can forgive me. You are the best thing that ever happened in my life. I can't go threw a day without thinkin of you."_

What does that even _mean_?! Does he just feel bad about abandoning me like an unwanted puppy? Is he trying to make himself _feel_ better? Like some stupid therapy session bullshit about letting go of the guilt and moving on with your fucking life?

Or is it for real?

:::

"_I'm different because of you. I'm better. Your the reason my life is finally good. I wish I could share it with you but I chose to push you away before I could ever loose you because why would I ever deserve you?"_

_Fuck_ you. _You're_ better? _I'm_ better too. And you know what? You _could've_ shared it with me. And you're right. Only you're being awfully easy on yourself, Brandon. You didn't just push me away. You pushed me over the edge of a fucking cliff and walked away to leave me to drown. You _left_. This is _your_ fault. _You_ did this. And maybe you _didn't_ deserve me. But I was in love with you _anyway_. I would've done _anything_ to be with you.

I always thought we were built from the same clay.

:::

"_That's my biggest regret pushing you away. And I got lots of regrets. But nothin hurts like loosin you."_

All you had to do was call me. That's it. It could've been months later and I would've gotten through it. I would've understood. But two _years_? Why now? I was just starting to get my life together. I don't need this. Not right now.

And let's talk about hurting, okay? At least you were _prepared_ for this. You _knew_ it was coming. Try being blindsided by a Mac truck and then you might know what it felt like.

:::

"_I'm not the same man I was. I'm guessin you ain't either. I'd really like the chance to get to no you again. I no I don't deserve it but I'm hopig that maybe someday you'll give me a chance anyway."_

Maybe you're not the same but you didn't have to change for me. I was in _love_ with you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I would've stayed with you through anything. I would've made it work because I loved you more than I've ever loved anything.

But you guessed right, Brandon. I'm not the same man I used to be. I'm more experienced. I'm more successful. I'm almost done with school. I drive. I wear suits to work and teach art to little kids. I _jog_, Brandon.

I'm independent. I'm not the clingy, needy little child I used to be. I'm a man.

And I don't trust you.

:::

For days I dissected that message. I tore it apart and put it back together over and over again trying to understand. But I couldn't. I didn't know what he wanted. If he wanted to be friends, how could I even…

I _couldn't_. How could I speak to Brandon and not want him? How can I _not_ love him?

I _can't_. It's impossible.

And if he just wanted to clear his conscience, well… I'd be setting myself up to be torn to pieces all over again.

I couldn't do that again.

I _couldn't_.

I can't.

I won't.

:::

"Hey. Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah, man. Come on in."

I trudged into Alice and Jeremiah's apartment, shoulders down and clutching my phone. After two days of very little sleep I was beginning to lose motor function and needed to figure this out.

Alice and JJ were out shopping, and Jeremiah was here alone. I rushed over as soon as the coast was clear because I needed help. Jeremiah was the only one I thought _could_ help me.

"Okay, Jeremiah, here's the thing. I need to ask your opinion about something and I need you to be honest. Even if it's hard. Even if you don't want to. I _trust_ you to be honest. Okay?"

Jeremiah's eyebrows furrowed as he sat in on the chair across from where I plopped down on the couch. "Yeah, man, of course. What's goin' on?"

Taking a breath, I pulled out my phone and brought up Brandon's message. Holding it up, I asked, "Did you see this?"

With a heavy sigh, he nodded, "Yeah, I seen it."

"What does it mean?"

"Huh?" he asked, face scrunched up in confusion.

I jumped up from the couch and began pacing, nervous energy making it too hard to sit.

"What does it _mean_, Jeremiah? What is he saying _exactly_? Is he trying to clear his conscience? Does he wanna be, like, Facebook friends? Does he want us to occasionally like each other's posts or is he saying he wants to be real friends that talk and spend time together? I don't understand what he wants and I don't get why he's contacting me now. I just don't understand. I figure you know him better than anyone. I figure you can tell me what he means? What he wants? Because I read these words but I don't _know_ him anymore. I don't _trust_ him. But I trust you. What does he want, Jeremiah?"

I was on the verge of tears, trembling and out of breath from the little meltdown I was beginning to have. Jeremiah was sitting there, expression blank and guarded as he watched me.

"You want the truth." He didn't ask, just repeated my words as though he'd come to some sort of decision.

"Yes," I whimpered, "Please."

"The truth is it don't matter what _he_ wants. What matters is what _you_ want. I could sit here and defend Brandon all day, and I _would_ defend him till the death, but in the end it don't matter what it means to him. What does it mean to _you_, Brady? What do _you_ want?"

What do I want? I have no idea what I want. Because I'm pissed off. Why did he have to give me this little glimmer of hope? I didn't need it. I was doing fine. I was moving on when I knew it was over but _now_…

:::

"I don't know what to do, Ed."

I huffed and puffed as we jogged along.

"Well, do you want to be friends with him?"

"I don't know. Sort of. I mean, he's _Brandon_, ya know? But I don't know if I can."

"Why?"

"Because I'm _not_ friends with him anymore. It's not like we can pick right back up where we were before. And I don't trust him. I mean, it's been two years. I don't know him now. I've seen, _what_, like a handful of Facebook pics? It doesn't mean I _know_ him anymore. For all I know, he could be rebounding from someone else or just drunk and lonely. It could be some therapy bullshit, like purging his guilt."

Edward hummed along, "Hmm, could be."

I raised an eyebrow as I came to a stop to pant at him, "Really? Do you think it's bullshit?"

His shoulders rose as he drew in a breath. Shaking his head, he sighed, "I don't. I don't think it's any of those things."

"Then what do you think it is?"

He seemed to contemplate this for a moment before he shrugged, "I think he's sincere. I mean, I'll admit I don't know him like Jeremiah does, but I've never known him to be anything but real. I think he says exactly what he feels. And maybe you haven't known him these last couple of years but I doubt he's really changed that much."

"But look how much I've changed."

He smiled softly at me, "You haven't changed much, Brady. We all gain new experiences, find out new things about ourselves, make new friends. We grow, and sometimes the things we do change, but at the core of who we are, our _souls_, those rarely change. You're still you. And he's still-"

"_Brandon_," I whined.

:::

I threw a fully loaded nacho in my mouth and chomped down. Then I slurped a big drink of my Dr. Pepper to wash it down before shrugging, "I don't know, Em. I don't know what I'm going to do. If I'm going to do anything."

He tossed a chicken bone in the empty basket and grabbed some napkins to clean the sauce off his hands, "Well, whatever you decide I've got your back. But if you _do_ decide to, I don't know, talk to him or whatever, make him work for it, okay? If you don't trust him then make him earn it back. Don't just fall back into it."

With a sigh I started playing with the napkin in front of me as I spoke, "I don't think I can do it again, Em. Ya know? I just don't think I can get over him again. It's been too hard. I don't _want_ to go through it again. And I'm afraid that if I give in, even just a little bit, I'll go from zero to sixty in three seconds flat."

"Sounds like you made your decision, man," he tilted his drink to suck on the straw and I couldn't even bring myself to think a dirty thought about it as it struck me that I _had_ made my decision.

And for some reason it really hurt.

:::

"I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to ignore him like he's done me for the last two years. I'm not going to go through this again, Suze. I've made my decision."

She tilted her head and crossed her arms, "Two wrongs don't make a right, Brady."

I scoffed, "Are you seriously encouraging me to pursue this thing with him?"

Rolling her eyes, she sighed, "No. I'm talkin' about forgiveness, Sugar Bear. Look, I know what he did was fucked up. It was real fucked up and I know you suffered and I'm really, really mad you had to go through that. But Brandon deserves forgiveness, Brady. Do you know he's been on one date since you broke up? This ain't been easy on him either."

Furrowing my brows, I was a little confused because Suzie never told me anything about Brandon. In fact, when everything went down she was the angriest of all my friends.

When I said as much, she plopped down on the couch, tucking a knee under herself as she motioned for me to sit next to her. I did and she reached out for my hand to begin idly playing with my fingers, looking down at them as she spoke.

"When we were little, Brandon was like our superhero or somethin', ya know? Like I remember Bubby always talkin' 'bout how we was gonna be okay 'cause B had our backs. And he did. When we needed food he found us some. When we needed shoes he got 'em for us. When we were scared walkin' home, he always walked in front, shoulders squared off and chest out even when he wasn't nothin' but a scrawny kid himself. I mean, he was just a few years older than us but we looked up to him. We weren't afraid when he was with us and he was _always_ there."

She smiled fondly but it turned into a frown, "Then when I turned thirteen he was just gone. I knew he was locked up but I guess I didn't really get it, ya know? It felt like abandonment no matter how I tried to understand. All of a sudden we was left to fend for ourselves and that first year 'fore mama started getting sick and settlin' down, was the hardest time in my whole life. Bubby was a mess, Ethan and Caleb weren't around as much, havin' to figure out how to survive on their own, and I was just tryin' as hard as I could to find someone to show me some attention. To love me, keep me safe."

I understood that but it didn't change one simple fact.

"But he had no choice when he went to prison, Suze. He _chose_ to leave me."

"He thought he was _protectin'_ you. I know, deep down in my heart, that's why he broke up with you. Brandon didn't _have_ to go to prison. He could've ran that night. He would've gotten away. But he _chose_ to stay and let the others get away. He sacrificed himself so that his little cousins would get another chance. I think, in his mind, he was tryin' to do the same for you."

I started to protest when she held up a hand, "Wait, wait - just let me say this, okay?"

With a huff, I nodded.

"Okay, so he knew you were on academic probation-"

"How did he know that?"

"Doesn't matter, but he did. He knew you were skippin' school and puttin' off your homework to talk to him. He knew you were callin' off work to go be with him on the fly. He saw you doin' all these things that he felt was jeopardizin' your future and he pulled away because he was scared of holdin' you back."

Wiping the corner of my eye, I whispered, "Why didn't he just talk to me?"

She put on a small smile as she snorted, "He's never been much of a talker."

Looking down at our hands, I sniffled, "He always talked to _me_. We'd spend all night talking on Skype. And when I was in Texas we'd spend all night just lying in bed talking. He talked to me. He should've talked to me about this. But he didn't."

Squeezing my hand, she ducked her head down to look at me, "No, he didn't. But he's tryin' now. I know it's too little too late. But don't you remember how hard it was for you to talk to Nicky just after two months? You wanted to run."

"But I didn't," I whispered, choking on the words.

With a heavy sigh, she pulled me into her shoulder and I went easily, relishing the comfort as she ran her hand gently up and down my back.

"Maybe that's 'cause you're braver than he is."

I raised my head to head to look at her like she was crazy.

"Yeah, he's bigger. Physically stronger. But he ain't had much experience with people. He ain't had many friends, no _real_ relationships outside of you and us. He's emotionally stunted, Brady. And I know that what he done was wrong but can you try to forgive him? Be the bigger man."

Could I be the bigger man when I was so used to being the princess?

:::

"Jay? What do I do?"

He sighed through the phone, "You just gotta ask yourself, do you want him in your life, no matter how big or small; or do you not? You're the only one that can decide if the reward is worth the risk, man."

I thought about that a lot after we hung up.

I sat on my bed, thumb hovering over the Facebook post as I thought about the risk. Being hurt again. Falling in love again. Losing him again.

And I thought about the reward. His smile. The sound of his voice. How he made me laugh.

The reward was Brandon. And that was worth everything.

But I was not going to run into this thing head first. I was going to go slow. Take my time. See if we could build this friendship back into something real again.

So, with one last breath I hit the _Like_ button.

.

.

.

It wasn't much later when I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and idly running my hand down Sparty's back that my Facebook dinged with new private message.

Squinting in the darkness, I grabbed my glasses from my nightstand and slid them on. I blinked wide suddenly as I saw who it was from.

**Brandon Whitlock**: How are you?

I sat up, heart racing, clutching my hair as I focused on breathing calmly. I tried to steel myself as I typed back.

**Brady Seneca**: I'm good, thanks. How are you?

Almost immediately my phone dinged again.

**Brandon Whitlock**: Better now

And though the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering like crazy and I was slightly terrified, I felt a lot better now, too.


End file.
